Original subtitles

Okay, I finally got a job on a sitcom. I should be happy, right?

But when I found out for the third show in a row, my character, whose name, by

the way, is Mom, going to another PTA bake -off, I lost it. I went to the

writers and demanded that they give me something funny.

That's for you.

Boy, you lay down on the lawn, they gave you some jokes.

Close. I bought them lunch and they gave me this hat.

They didn't even bother to explain it. I just show up at the bake -off and say,

Hattie?

Well, civil on anyone else, it's just a hat. But, you know, on you, it's so...

Please, God, an earthquake, a flood, anything to keep me from having to

this sentence.

I'm hot. Is it hot in here?

Yes.

Is it really, or are you just saying that because you know I'm going through

another hot flash and you're afraid I'm going to ask you to blow on me again?

Is this still premenopause? Are you into the main event yet?

I didn't think so, because I'm still getting my period.

But these hot flashes are getting intense.

I'm so sick of feeling like I'm on fire inside.

Oh, look, Chili.

Oh, my God.

Miss Sybil Sheridan, you were in Monday's Child, the movie.

I'm such a big fan.

Oh, I can't tell you how badly I need you right now.

Please forgive her. She's having a difficult time.

She's burning up inside, and she has to wear a very large hat.

Oh, if I'm talking to a fan.

Are there others like you?

The truth is, I saw that movie because I've been studying your performance.

They're making a sequel, and I'm playing your part.

A sequel?

Yeah. The movie is picking up everyone's life ten years later. It's all the

original cast.

It's not a very good script.

Do you believe this, Mary Ann? I'm too old to play myself ten years later.

Sybil, put down the knife. She's your only fan.

Well, it was really nice seeing you, and I'll tell everyone on the set you said

break a leg.

Break a leg. Took on a bone.

Once you're alone.

Whatever.

Work if you can get it, and if you get it, won't you tell me how?

I couldn't have done that movie sequel anyway. I want a sitcom.

Absolutely. You can't just walk away from a great job. You're a pro. Right. I

have pride and integrity.

And a really big hat.

Ow!

What was that for?

Every time you talk about the hat, I'm supposed to pinch you, remember?

No.

Oh, maybe I forgot to tell you.

Whoa. Power surge. What?

Hot flash.

Well, then stop cleaning and relax. The house is fine.

This house has to be spotless.

My mother's flying all the way from Memphis just to judge me.

I can't go to the airport until I finish cleaning and put out the Christmas

decorations.

Christmas is in October now?

Is this like when all the presidents were suddenly born on Monday?

No, Mama has a plane ticket she bought about a year ago and it's about to

expire.

And her canasta club's going to Dollywood this December, so she won't be

then.

Ow! What was that for?

That's for making me explain my mother.

Normally I can handle her visits.

But I'm feeling everything so intensely right now.

You've got to help me, you know, with the little stuff.

Of course, darling. What can I do? Make her stay at your house.

Mother, when I woke up this morning, the air conditioning was on so high I could

see my breath.

And when I got out of bed, I snapped off a toe.

Zoe, I'm really sorry. I hope these hot flashes will be over soon. Bear with me,

okay? I will, Mother.

I realize that this is a tough time for you, but it would really help me to be

supportive if I could make insensitive jokes at your expense.

Of course, honey. We'll get through this together.

What a tender yet terrifying Hallmark moment.

Is this also a symptom of menopause? Not symptom. Sign.

Menopause is not a disease. It's a natural transition.

Lately, I've been feeling every sensation with my whole body.

It's like I'm bubbling over.

More than that, I'm bursting.

No, what's the word I'm looking for? Prozac?

Marianne, I don't want to medicate this away. I want to experience it.

Though there are some things I could do without.

Sometimes I go upstairs to get something, and I get up there, and I

it is, and I come downstairs, and I remember that, and I have to go all the

back upstairs.

It's very frustrating.

Why not come in here again?

Oh.

Mama!

What are you doing here?

She's come to visit you. She's staying at your house.

Your name is Sybil.

That's it. I'm telling your mother you're still alive.

Since I just spent an hour and a half waiting at the airport, I suppose I

just jog around the block while you two finish your little skit.

You're early. I distinctly remember.

Flight 520 arrives 8 .05.

It was flight 8 .05, arrive 5 .20.

Perhaps you'd remember a little better if you wrote it down.

In the dust.

She could have called from the airport, but no.

Then she couldn't have done her little skit.

Are you going to be all right?

Don't worry.

The way I've been lately, another five minutes, I'll forget she's here.

I'd like to acknowledge my teacher, Julia Bishop, whose puritanical

with practice and repetition has sapped me of my desire to live.

Hear, hear.

I'm so happy that our Zoe is pursuing her piano career.

All right, Zoe.

And I understand that you are pursuing her piano teacher.

talking like this except that we know each other so well.

Isn't that right, Isaac?

Isaac? She's getting better. For the first five years she knew me, it was

And now, young man, I want to know just what are your intentions toward my

granddaughter?

Oh.

Well, I thought I'd use up the best years of her life and then dump her for

supermodel.

Meemaw, we have no intentions. And why are you asking him anyway? I mean, don't

I get any say in this?

Well, sweetheart, you just offer me the explicit details of the less seamless

side of your relationship so as to amuse yourself at my reaction.

Well, that took all the fun out of it.

Hi, everybody.

How's my mama treating y 'all? Fantastic.

How's about time you...

Stopped avoiding me.

Oh, I'm not avoiding you.

Listen, I have to go.

I have an acupuncture appointment, but I'll be back to help you with dinner.

Don't worry, darling. I'll take care of your mother.

Why do I have to go?

Because we do everything together.

I don't see why you have to go running off right away.

Mama, it took me three weeks to get this appointment, and I'm hoping it'll help

with my hot flashes from my... What's this?

Menopause.

Well, I guess I'd better go check on... something.

Bravo!

What other tricks does she do?

At the end of the day, I told her Liberace was gay.

Her head shot off into space.

Marianne, how can you say I'm weird?

Just because I want to go through menopause my own way?

I'm going to step out for a few minutes, so if the needles make you feel anxious

or uncomfortable, just ring this bell. Thank you so much.

She was talking to me.

So you really think this is going to help?

I don't know. It's so confusing.

One book says exercise.

Another says stay in bed.

One says herbs are good for you. Another says herbs grow facial hair.

One even says retreat from the world, which I would do.

Except for, you know, I got the hat and all.

But what about the hormones?

I saw an ad for them in a magazine.

A woman was dancing with her husband. She looked ecstatic.

Of course, maybe it was the five -carat ring on her finger.

Or maybe it wasn't her husband.

The point is, she was radiant.

Next time look at the back of the ad.

It's filled with disclaimers and warnings.

I don't want to take synthetic hormones just because an ad tells me to.

Or because a doctor tells me to. That's what happened to our mothers.

My mother just lived under the sink for a few years.

Well, I'm going to figure out my own plan.

And I'm going to write in a journal everything that I go through.

And then when it's your turn, we'll do the same thing for you.

Oh, goody.

That way, when it's time for Rachel and Zoe to go through it, they can read it

and understand that menopause is just another life change.

Like puberty.

You grow and become a more complete person.

And in both cases, a little hairier.

I realize Sybil is having hot flashes, but this is ridiculous. It's freezing.

Where's your Christmas spirit?

I'm sorry, but this is insane.

I'm a Jew waiting for a Christmas ham in October.

I'm going to take my plate inside where God can't see me.

No! We'll displease Madame Menopause, and we'll all perish.

Zoe, what are you reading?

My mom started a menopause journal today.

All those pages are just from today?

Like Stephen King is going through menopause.

Why don't we just start with the food that's here? I'm going to grab one of

these tofu dogs.

Don't touch those.

They're a source of organic estrogen for Sybil's hot flashes.

Okay, well, then I'll just have some asparagus.

Are your breasts sore?

Then drop it.

Well, can I have one of the moths and the bug zappers she's saving those to

tea with?

Monsters are you. Don't you have any idea how horrifying menopause is? It's

right here in black and white. She even drew pictures.

Can't you people be more supportive? You're all so selfish.

She's right.

We really should be more patient with Sybil. I'm talking about me.

I've seen my future. Night sweats, foot cramps, and weird black hairs exploding

from my chin.

How can you...

Justin, shouldn't you do something?

Yeah, you're right.

I'm going to go up to my room before she comes back.

Come on, Zoe.

It only lasts ten years.

Woo, I better get the pictures out of this journal before Rachel gets back

Boston and sees them.

Staple, you are just ruining my Christmas dinner.

Nobody wants to hear about it.

Oh, Mama, you said the word.

You said menopause.

Oh, Sybil, you got me cussing like a sailor.

Ah, we'd better be going. Otherwise, we're going to miss our concert.

Yes, but thank you for a lovely time.

Maybe we can come back later and go caroling.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Shalom.

You've done it.

There go the last of our guests.

We still have Marianne.

Oh, she hardly counts. She's always here.

If you ask me, Sybil, you should just take the hormone pills.

Now, millions of women take them every day.

I'm still taking them.

Mama, you have to, because you had a full hysterectomy, and your body doesn't

make those hormones anymore. Oh, Sybil, please.

But hopefully I won't have a hysterectomy and my natural hormone

a chance to reach up. Just try the pills.

You've been doing everybody a favor.

Doing who a favor?

I'm talking about me.

This is important.

You're not hearing a word I'm saying. There, you see?

Now you're shouting like a crazy person.

Virginia, she's just a little emotional right now.

What are you telling her? Are you saying she's right?

Sybil, if the hormones would make things easier... That is so not what you

should be saying right now.

Sybil. Don't follow me.

Remember the book said retreat from the world?

I was saving that for when Stucky stops making nut logs.

But I think I need it now.

Ira, it's tonight the night we're supposed to have sex.

Julia?

If you don't think we know each other well enough, yes, please.

I'm sorry. I'm just... I'm a little nervous.

Look, I married very young.

I only got divorced a couple of years ago. I don't have too much experience

dating, but I really like you, so... Can we please just

do it and get it out of the way so I can relax?

Gee, I wish I'd said something earlier.

We could have done it in the car and it would be over already.

Look, I really like you, too.

So let's just take our time.

We're not in any rush here.

Who was that?

Somebody knocking at my door.

From inside my house.

Who is it?

Hi, Sybil.

Ira, I hope it's okay that I let myself in. I remembered you used to keep a key

out in your garage.

How did you get in the garage?

I'll pay for the window.

Is everything all right?

No.

Everything's screwed up.

But you're on a date, and this is a bad time, so I'll just let myself out the

back door.

She's still there.

I don't even know what state my ex -husband lives in, but you and your ex

are so close she turns to you in a moment of crisis?

You must really be a great guy.

I'm coming, Sybil. Everything will be all right.

Come on in.

Nice of y 'all to drop by.

Why don't I go make some coffee?

It's right through there.

Thanks, Julia.

I like her. She's nice.

Where's she from?

Baltimore. Her hobbies include needlepoint and horseback riding,

blue, favorite quote, Sybil, why the hell are you here?

No, wait, that's mine.

Remember that really good movie I did?

Monday's Child.

Would it have been so difficult to take a moment and pretend there was more than

one to choose from?

Oh, you mean take a moment for my date.

I know.

I'm really sorry.

But I had to rent this movie.

See, they're making the sequel without me.

I had to see what I had then that they think I don't have now.

The truth is I have more to offer.

I can't make them see that. It's like menopause.

I can't make them see that I'm not crazy just because I don't want to take drugs

to make it go away.

Who are them, the movie people?

No, the world.

And my mother and Marianne.

They just want me to shut up.

Just go gently into that good night.

You know, you could have waited until after I was gone to start laughing.

I would have done that for you.

I'm sorry. I can't picture you going gently into anything.

Kicking and screaming, maybe.

Listen, you want a third opinion?

From someone who was married to you for 14 years, who raised a daughter with

you, who knows you damn well and is certifiably not crazy?

You've always done things your own way, Sid.

What would be crazy is if you stopped now.

No, you're just saying... No, I'm not just saying it because you want to hear

it. It's a fact.

Really? Really.

So if your mom or Marianne or anyone calls you crazy ever again, you send

over here. I'll set them straight.

Just not tonight. Okay.

And not your mother.

Julie's right.

You must be a really great guy.

Thank you, Isaac.

Go gently.

I'll give you gently. What?

You talking to me? I should take hormones?

Shut up.

My menopause. My word.

What?

That's not what you really want to hit, is it?

How did you find me?

Darling, you couldn't retreat from the world if you wanted to.

So I went to the next item on the list, exercise.

Come on.

Let's do it!

No, this is silly.

On the other hand, why didn't you back me up?

The number one rule of our friendship, Marianne, is my mother is always wrong!

Easy, easy. This is just a lovable gesture, all right?

Don't want to lose any teeth over this.

Well, I need a lot of support right now, and you're just bailing on me. Let me

explain, all right?

In my heart of hearts, I wish you would take the hormones.

That is a lousy apology.

Because when my time comes, I don't want the hot flashes or the insomnia

or the night sweats.

And if the hormones will make it easier, I want them.

I'm not you.

But I know that if you make it through this hormonal hurricane, you're going to

make me follow in your footsteps.

Why do you think that?

Because we do everything together.

All right.

But I don't make you do anything, Marianne, just because I do it. No, you

assume that I will do it.

Okay. As long as we're clear on that.

I'm not bailing on you, Sybil.

I'm just trying to be honest.

You think you can deal with that?

Fine.

It's your stupid body, your stupid experience.

Do it any stupid way you want.

You are my rock.

Yeah, yeah.

You through punching me?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, your turn, slugger.

All right, then.

Come on, let's rumble.