Original subtitles

Thanks for fitting me in when you got the cancellation.

I mean, I'm sorry Winona Ryder got that big zit.

It worked out really well for me, huh?

Well, I do not like to be idle.

The volio must exercise its gift, or else it will wither and die.

Will you cut the crap, Ralph?

It's me.

I knew you when you were shooting yearbook photos.

All right, all right. What's the look we're going for here?

I don't care. As long as it says, send everyone else home, she's the one.

Oh, you just lost the part, right?

I didn't think I was ripe for the role of Jeff Robbins' wife.

You were Jeff Robbins' wife, and you weren't right for it.

In real life, maybe.

I'd be perfect in the movie, but they wanted somebody younger.

I mean, they don't know what to do with a woman in her prime.

And I'm a woman in my prime, right?

Hello?

Oh, you are a classic, my darling.

I am not paying for that one.

I know you want your mommy, but she's at a job interview.

But I can give you to your grandma. She's only trying to save her career.

Come on, sweetheart.

Are you DiVolio?

Hi, I'm Marianne Thorpe.

I've been told my cheekbones could cut glass.

What do you think?

My body is my temple.

Ooh, cheddar chunks.

Keep eating those, your body will be a cathedral.

I don't believe this. Rachel!

Apparently my agent called and Rachel wrote it on the back of this box.

What? When was this?

Oh, yesterday. Sorry.

How many times do I have to tell you?

Don't write messages on food.

Cheers audition because it was written on Mrs.

Butterworth's butt.

I was sorry.

Kevin's in Sacramento at this conference, and I don't have any help

baby. And your agent's call came through when I was on the phone getting

rejected for yet another job I wasn't good enough for. How hard is it to be a

bank teller? I mean, you just wait until the line gets really long, and then

take a break.

I don't have that problem with my bank teller.

Of course, he comes to my house.

Well, I'm just so frustrated.

second income, then we can get a place of our own.

Don't put so much pressure on yourself, honey.

You and Kevin and the baby can stay with me as long as you need to.

Yeah, I know.

Oh, no, really.

Don't mention it.

That's what mothers are for.

I wonder if she's getting that attitude from her sister.

Since Zoe moved back in, they've been talking and getting along.

It's not good.

Don't let him in.

I have to. He's probably here to see Rachel. But he didn't lift a finger to

you apart in his movie. He is scum. He is worse than scum. He is hot dog water.

That's business.

But this is my house, and he's the father of my child, and I'll still treat

with the same respect I always have.

What the hell do you want?

Hello, Jeff.

This is David, okay, Marianne?

I'm not just some stunt guy you can make fun of anymore.

I'm the star of my own movie, and you can't intimidate me.

You're right, Jeff.

I've been a bad girl.

Punish me.

Make her stop.

Jeff, she can say whatever she wants in my house because she's never let me down

like some people I know.

Fibble, I got you the part as my wife in the movie.

Man, get up. Let Jeff have the good chair.

Get yourself ready. We work today.

Today?

No, no, no, not so fast. All right, now listen. We're going to need a trailer,

per diem, all meals, and a wardrobe allowance.

Oh, and Sybil will need some things, too.

Thank you, Jeff.

You're the best. The best.

Did you hear me, Jeff Van?

I must really need this job.

Hey, it's okay, Sid. I mean, we've had our differences before, but we once had

sex in a restroom at the IHOP.

Call me sentimental, but that still means something.

Jeff, that is so sweet.

But it wasn't me.

Well? A school bus full of nuns blows up in the opening credits.

I know. Jeff punches his way out of a bank vault with his bare fists.

Hence the title.

Punch Out.

It's better than the original title. Ow.

Well, it's got no plot, no character development, and no respect for the

intelligence of the movie -going audience.

I know.

It's gonna be huge.

And the best part is I don't die in it.

Even once.

Oh, this is it, Sib. It's got a sequel written all over it. You're gonna be the

next major action movie victim chick.

You'll be famous. You know, like, what's her name?

Yeah, I'd love her.

Man, William's got some...

You say he's talking, huh? Yeah, the usual stuff.

Mama, dada, doggie, gender equality.

Mom's been babysitting a lot.

Can't wait to teach him grandpa.

Oh, he already does that, but it sounds more like galpa.

Really?

Wow, I can't believe he remembers me.

Actually, that's what he calls Ira.

Ira?

Ira's not his grandpa. I'm his grandpa.

It's not a big deal, Dad. It's just that Ira's around a lot more than you are.

You know, he takes William to the zoo. He reads to him.

You know.

Yeah, I know. Like he did with you.

I wasn't going to say that.

Well, I was, but... Look, from now on, I promise you I'm going to spend more

time with William. With you, too, okay?

That'd be great, Dad.

Hey.

If Ira gets to be his grandpa, can I be his papa?

Well, actually, that's what he calls his pee -pee.

You can call me Jeff.

You know, I don't want to get typecast as some action hero.

After Punch -Out!, I'd like to do something that'll stretch my acting

instrument.

Like maybe I got some disease, or I got that brain thing that makes you good at

gambling.

Would you like a back rub?

Jeff. Sybil.

How could you?

She's nobody. She doesn't mean anything.

Hey, wait a minute. We're not married anymore.

Gotcha.

I wish you wouldn't do that.

I mean, people around here respect me.

I'm a role model for every tough guy in America.

Yeah, well, your mascara's running, Mr. Tough Guy.

Makeup?

I'm really gonna like this job.

Greetings.

here? Well, I missed my chance to see the Hindenburgs, so here I am.

How'd you get on the set?

Oh, easy. When the guard at the gate gave me a hard time, I told him Joel

wouldn't appreciate me being detained.

Now I have my own parking space.

Joel who?

Doesn't matter, darling. There's always a Joel.

Sybil! Terrence Woodruff, I'm the director.

Glad you're here. I know it was short notice.

No problem. I want you to know I am so committed to this role that I actually

married Jeff 25 years ago so I'd have something to draw from.

I appreciate that.

I see I have to scream in this scene.

What would you like?

Panic? Terror?

Anger? I'm thinking loud.

Good choice.

simple. It's clean.

It's really very Hitchcock.

I'm sorry. I can't stop. I'm an automatic sucker.

We're ready for you on the set. Okay. Let me just run my lines.

I'm sorry. Do I know you?

Joel sent me down to keep an eye on things. Marianne Thorpe.

Joel?

Really?

Can I get a chair from Ms. Thorpe here?

not after you. No time for goodbyes.

Oh, so kissing me is funny.

I've been watching you act, pal. If anybody should be laughing, it's me.

Jack, this nervous laughing has got to stop. This is the fourth actress this

week. He said if you could kiss anyone without losing it, she would be the one.

Fourth actress?

So I'm not here because you're doing me a favor. I'm here to save your giggling

ass.

Jack, make me look. Really bad hair.

Look, do I have to kiss her? I mean, couldn't I hug her real hard or grab her

butt? I know I can do that.

Duff, you're putting us behind schedule. You're costing us a fortune here.

Terrence, let me work with him this weekend. I know I can get him to do

All righty.

I hope for both of us it works, though, because if he can't do it Monday, he's

fired. So are you.

Me?

But I scream like a banshee.

He's a lark.

Okay, you're a writer. Can you do something?

Jeff, I gotta say, this is the one moment in the whole script that makes

Yeah, you're right.

There's gotta be some other way of expressing emotion.

Animals don't kiss, right?

Okay. You could lick her face. Then you could both drink water from a toilet.

That helps. Thanks.

I've got it.

I could have sex with her.

Without kissing?

Sure, I do it all the time.

Yeah, but Jeff and his senior son's standing right there.

Oh. He could get killed in the fight.

Uh -huh. And to comfort your grieving wife, you take her right there on the

table.

But without kissing.

It's just one of those things that happens. It's spontaneous.

Jeff, it's not going to work. Because it wasn't your idea.

Isn't this thought... Careful. Rachel planned my day tomorrow.

First, I pick up her dry cleaning.

Then I go to the supermarket and buy a few items on her list. And, of course,

there's no thank you.

And she did my Tony the Tiger maze.

She only thinks of herself. I specifically asked her to write down

Am I in time for the performance?

Does she have to be here?

Jeff, I promise I won't laugh.

Can you say the same thing?

Zoe.

Okay.

Let's go, Marianne. You play the little boy.

With his pet.

Stoli the Wonder Martini.

Fine, but hurry up. Your son has a bikini wax in a half an hour.

This is so stupid.

It's not.

It's an acting lesson.

In front of everybody?

Jeff, if you can't do it in front of these people who know and... know you...

How are you going to do it in front of everybody at the set?

Ira, could you set up a scene, please?

Jeff, you're getting paid a fortune to represent violence as a solution to all

society's problems and actions.

Cut!

Hey, that's my job.

I'm sorry, but if he's fighting off five guys, how come you're not doing

something instead of screaming like a helpless child? Shouldn't you throw a

chair or something? Not this character.

See, to play this part, I had to prepare a history in my head.

This woman lives in an atmosphere of violence, and yes, once she was violent

herself. One night, she actually killed a man in a bar fight, and it haunts her,

Zoe.

We all have our tragic moments, Mother.

You've just given me mine.

Call Joel and have her removed from the set.

Hey, it's just not at all what you raised us to believe.

The ball.

Zoe! Okay.

Okay, Jeff.

You're a stuntman who got lucky while F. Murray Abraham is selling his Oscar for

food and action.

Oh, honey, I was so scared.

I know you were, babe. You always are.

Oh, there's a positive message.

Zoe! I'm sorry. I just don't know who could sit through this. It's sexist and

sadistic. Then you don't have to sit through it.

Maybe that was a little too loud. I think most of it was meant for Rachel.

It doesn't matter, darling, as long as you're yelling at one of them.

All right, Jeff, let's go. Kiss me.

Oh, damn it.

Locks.

Relax, Jeff.

I get nervous.

You used to jump out of exploding trains for a living. How could you be nervous?

I was nervous then.

But you didn't.

Yeah, but I had to stab myself with a safety pin before I did the stunt. The

pain would take away the nerves.

That's insane.

Yeah, but it... Can I kiss

Daddy now, Mommy?

Are you okay?

Great.

You know, I used to think acting was stupid, but now I realize it's really

Don't worry. It's going to be great on Monday.

I'll have my rings on.

I would like to propose a toast to a great guy and a great actor, Jeff

and Robert De Niro.

Very funny.

All right, my turn.

Sybil, you saved my career.

Yeah.

Thanks, Jeff.

And remember...

If I'm not in the sequel, I'll gift you within an inch of your life.

I got something for you.

A gift?

Are you sure you don't want to wait until after we shoot the thing tomorrow?

mean, what if it doesn't come to mama?

Wait.

Okay, you can thank him.

Jeff, this is too much. I can't keep it.

Oh, Mom, come on. I'll take care of it. It can sleep in my room.

Kibble, I want you to have it.

For the first time in my life, I'm making more money than I know what to do

with. With what they paid me so far, I could have bought everybody Rolexes.

I feel so special now.

I have one more announcement to make.

Rachel, I know I wasn't around much when you were a kid, and I can't make up for

that.

But I also know that you and Kevin are looking for a place of your own.

So...

Oh, my God.

Just a little something toward a down payment.

$50 ,000?

Daddy, Daddy, I love you. I love you. You are incredible.

Nobody has ever come through for me like this.

Never, ever, ever.

You okay?

Of course she's not.

Rachel.

Don't.

Now we can finally get out of that house and get on with our lives. You are the

most wonderful person in the whole wide world.

Excuse me.

What's wrong?

We were all ready for you to put Rachel in her place. Instead, you run in here

and avoid the whole thing. That's not like you.

That's like me.

My God, have you no respect for yourself, woman?

I wanted to say something, but I got all choked up instead.

Maybe I'm premenstrual.

Or maybe your daughter just hurt you.

Maybe.

But what Jeff did for Rachel was very generous.

I don't want to take that away from him.

Well, I don't have that problem, so I'm going to give Rachel a big piece of your

mind. No, no.

She's happy.

Happy for the...

First time in months.

I don't want to spoil that.

Now, I'll save it for when I can really enjoy it.

Mom.

Mom.

I always... But Dad, $50 ,000, come on.

But you, I mean... This has nothing to do... You know that I always... You're

sorry?

And you're grateful to have a mother as wonderful and caring as yours?

And next time you'll remember the vermouth?

I'm satisfied, Fiddle.

Oh, honey.

It's so great that you and Kevin are going to get this house, but I hope you

it in my neighborhood so that you can stop and visit your son, because I'm not

letting him go.

I just can't believe myself sometimes, Mom.

I didn't even know what I had done until somebody yanked that check out of my

hand and told me.

Money really changes a person.

It's evil.

But I'm not giving it back or anything.

I should have known that Ira would say something.

Wasn't Ira?

Your father?

The waiter?

Oh, Zoe.

Mother, why do you have that demented grin on your face?

Am I grinning?

Oh, God, Rachel ratted me out.

Okay, I know where this is headed.

You're going to say, oh, Zoe, you really do get it, and I love you so much. And

then, of course, that house to respond would get away from me.

Only you wouldn't, and it would turn into a whole big gooey thing.

Get away from me.

Okay, I won't get all gooey, but when you told Rachel I do come through for

all the time and deserve a little credit, even though it's a dangerous

to set, it meant so much.

Everyone's entitled to make one mistake, and I obviously made mine tonight.

I forgive you.

Mother, if we're going to fashion a workable relationship while I'm here,

must never mention this ugly incident again.

Can I at least tell my friends?

Only if you change the names.

Deal.

No time for goodbyes.

And cut!

I can't thank you enough. How in the world did you get him to stop laughing?

No, no, no. If I tell you, everybody will want to do it. Okay.

All right, everyone, let's start with the shot with that kid.

Jeff, I never got a chance to tell you, but that was a really nice thing you did

for Rachel.

Well, thanks, Sybil.

Yeah, I guess it was.

Of course, I got an awful long way to go to catch up with everything you've done

for her, that's for sure.

Okay, here we go.

And action.

Son.

This is my lucky rabbit's foot.

I want you to have it in case something should happen to your old man.

What could happen?

I love you, Daddy.

God! Oh, not again.

No problem.

Bobby, do you have a penknife?