Original subtitles

If you could be any guitarist in history, who would you be?

Easy. Batman.

What? Massive house, loads of gadgets, Batmobile.

What's not to like?

Yeah, but I asked which guitarist you'd like to be.

He's a billionaire, Harry. I'm sure he's got a guitar lying around somewhere.

Okay, fine.

Which guitarist apart from Batman?

Spider -Man.

Superpowers? Check.

Lives in New York?

Check. Yes, but he can't play the... I'm not going through this again.

Won't go back, go back to the way that they were before.

I'm locked outside of my own brain and I'm banging on the door.

Yes, man.

Hi, I'm Nate.

Frankie. Nice to meet you.

You here rehearsing? No, I just started working here. Yeah, Dan's got me washing

up and cleaning tables. All right, welcome to the team.

I don't suppose you managed to get that stuff off table five. Can't have been

putting it off.

It looks like it's slightly alive.

I think it's growing a face.

Sweet guitar, by the way.

Reminds me of my Dolores.

Ah, this is Lindsay.

She totally looks like a Lindsay.

Have a go?

Ah, no.

I don't do that anymore.

I wouldn't want to drop her or anything.

Go on.

She won't bite.

Whoa. You can really play? Yeah, I used to be in a band a while back.

What happened?

We just didn't work out.

I mean, we got close, but I guess some things just aren't meant to be.

Oh, that's crazy.

You're so talented.

Surely... Sorry to interrupt, lads.

Frankie, it's time to... No.

Clean table number five.

Whoa, what are you doing?

Chill. I just need a decent shot for your social profile.

There's some filter on all your pics that makes you look like you have no

what's going on.

Sorry, what's going on?

Oh, it's not a filter.

Ooh, is that Josh Nelson?

Yeah. Wait, have you heard of him? Yeah, he's, like, part singer, part

hairstyle, but it's amazing hair.

Can I see?

No way.

Big shout -out to...

GHF, just to say I love your music, love your style.

And, yeah, sorry I'm a bit shy.

I'm a bit shy.

But if you want to reach out to me, that would be cool.

What sort of loser asked someone out by video?

Didn't you ask Myra by text?

That's completely different.

You know what? Myra's really into you. She won't give this guy a second

She's already said that.

No way.

I wasn't worried right up to the point where she tossed her hair.

This is serious. You need to talk to her now.

I knew it. I drove her away.

I didn't pay her enough attention.

Or maybe too much. This is a disaster.

You just need to talk to her.

This happens every time I date a pop star.

Eh? How many pop stars have you dated?

This is the first one. And it's happened. See?

It's every time.

Anything you want to tell me, Harry?

How much I love you.

Oh, you're so sweet.

But your headteacher just told me that you're three essays behind on your

history assignment.

You're always such a hard worker. Come on, what's going on?

I'm in a band trying to get to number one.

So I always have to work in the diner because... No, I know, I know. I love

Wonderland.

I just think you need a safety net just in case you...

Don't make it to number one.

Pray pep talk, Mum. No, no, I'm sorry.

You can do it all. You just need to be more organised.

Will you let me help you?

No offence, Mum, but I've seen your idea of organised.

Your filing cabinet doesn't have anything in it except for a big ball of

receipts, paperclips and hair.

Is it your hair?

I think so.

Anyway, look, that's not important.

Well, now we know about it, I have faith that you can do this, Harry.

Okay? Come on.

As a great woman once said, you can have it all.

Yeah.

Who said that?

I don't know. You tell me. You're the smart one.

Thanks, Mum.

Can you stop?

I'm trying to concentrate.

Just keep doing what you're doing. I'm profiling you as the clever one in the

band. Oh, well, in that case, let me show you my schoolwork. Flash band

timetable I've drawn up.

Spoon on the nose. Classic.

Guess the competition wasn't so tough.

Hey, guys, have you seen that new waiter?

The one by table eight?

Don't all lurk.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Nate, he looks a bit like you.

You should use him to lead a life in crime.

Wait. Or he could use you to lead a life in crime.

This is really bad, guys.

We should call the police.

Wait, is that Frankie Ryland from 2 Plus 1?

Hey, I remember 2 Plus 1.

What happened to them? Did you never see it? See what?

Their first gig ended badly.

Look it up.

Search Frankie Ryland ice cream disaster.

It also completes with a bad sign.

We landed in an ice cream stand.

Great way to end a set. End a career.

There's no coming back from that humiliation.

I'm so sorry.

If that was me, I'd never want to see a stage again.

Or an ice cream.

Poor guy. It's not right.

That guy should be a star.

Maybe he doesn't want to be a pop star.

Who wouldn't want to be a pop star?

Astronauts. Wolves.

People with way too much coursework who keep getting dragged into conversations

when they should be doing their essays.

He just needs someone to help him get his confidence back.

This time next year, he could be number one.

Sorry, guys. I've got so much history left to do. I need the time machine.

I'm out of here.

I just need to find a way to get Frankie back on that horse.

There was a horse, too.

I didn't even see the horse. What show that must have been.

I'm not happy. I had another fight with that evil step machine in the gym. I

swear... I've got something against me.

How's it going here, anyway?

Great. I was trying to work during a band meeting, and I realised I needed to

make a planner. Now I know exactly what I meant to be doing, and why.

I'm so glad you... Mum!

Oh!

Oh, I'm sorry. Oh!

Oh! Oh, is it OK?

Oh, well, it did actually look quite complicated.

Yeah, I know you prefer post -it notes.

Oh, make her say that.

Ah, yeah, thanks.

Post -it notes are a great way to get organised.

You simply write the task and the date, buy more post -it notes.

I was going to do that on Tuesday.

Are you worried about losing them? No, no, no, I've got them all backed up on

phone.

I take pictures of them.

Where is my phone? Can you ring it?

It's gone to answer phone.

Oh.

Meg, hi, it's Meg. When you get this, just a reminder, buy post -it notes.

OK, thanks. Bye, Meg.

Be like the two of me. Good, eh?

That's really interesting.

OK.

You saw the videos.

The videos? The Josh and Maya forever hashtag?

The gifs?

You were dancing for ages.

It's a loop.

Just FYI, I'm fine with it.

You don't sound fine.

Let me explain.

OK.

Sorry.

Listen, it's Sasha.

She manages Josh 2 and made us flirt online to sell his album and my tour.

I can't tell anyone it's not real and she doesn't know about us, so... Oh.

I see.

It was all fake.

I was so worried.

So you're not jealous?

No.

Not now that you've explained it.

Not even a little bit?

Not even a little bit. Do not care at all.

Only Josh and I have got like three dates booked.

You're going to be okay with that. Putting me out there with another guy is

going to be hard for you.

You're not really dating him.

He doesn't really like you.

I get it. I mean, he's like a megastar.

I could be dating him.

But you're not.

I could be a vampire.

But I'm definitely not.

I so get it now.

Much quicker than I usually do.

I'm so glad we talked about this.

I'd better finish my run.

Have a lovely time on your fake date.

Nate? Yeah, no problem. But I thought Frankie had that covered.

Ah, Frankie at the deep end. Bit of a splash and most of it ended up in the

customers. Giving them a special mission.

Rat catching duty.

Brown clouds.

That sounds worse than rats.

Yeah, I need to check the kitchen, Frankie. There might have been a big

cloud behind the fridge earlier.

Um, sorry, Frankie, do you mind checking out this new riff I've been working on?

Yeah, sure.

These brown clouds aren't going to catch themselves.

Great, thanks.

Yeah, I like it. Sounds good.

I have one small suggestion, though. Can I?

I can't get my thoughts back to the way that they were before.

Won't go back, go back to the way that they were before.

I'm locked outside of my own brain and I'm banging on the door.

Can we leave right now? Can we go?

Tell me please right now, yes or no.

It won't be too late if we wait.

I really need to know.

Yeah.

Have you ever thought about having another crack at being a singer?

Oh, no way.

Not after what happened.

Yeah.

I saw the video.

Sorry, man.

I still have nightmares that I'm drowning in a sea of chocolate ice

It doesn't have to be over.

You can still make it.

All you're lacking is a bit of confidence and I can get you back on

I don't know.

I've kind of got a new life now.

How's the rat catching going for you?

Frankie, there's a quite massive cloud in the kitchen. Can you bring the rat

box? Oh, sorry, the cloud catcher.

You really think I've still got a chance?

Hi, sweetheart.

Oh, hello.

A plus.

Obviously, I would cry, but I just sweated out all my tears in the chair.

Well done.

Thanks. Well done for turning it around so quickly.

Well, I had a little help. From you, I mean.

You're an inspiration.

Mum's guilt.

Make for the winner.

Oh,

Mum, we need milk.

Really? How do you know?

Oh, oh, no. That was from two days ago. I left myself a phone message, actually.

Could you call my phone? I don't actually know where it is.

Can you hear that?

Oh!

Silly me.

Hi, Meg speaking.

I'd better take this.

OK. To regain your confidence, we have to confront your fears.

Not ice cream, I can't.

Look at this.

Look at it.

I'm sorry, Nate. I can't. I can't look at ice cream again. Not after what

happened. To get you back on stage, we have to confront your fears.

I don't know anyone in Eastern Europe called Ivan.

And no, I've not been there recently.

Well, some criminal's obviously got hold of my credit card details.

Hang on.

AJ, have you ever been shopping in the Ukraine?

Is that the one next to Sainsbury's?

Yeah.

Never mind.

I thought you looked really focused and moody in that one.

Josh and Mara at the zoo.

On a fake date.

And you're okay with that?

Yeah. Chilled.

Super chilled.

I'm not jealous.

Although, I'm trying to use my mind to get that pack of emus to attack him.

That's a lot of spoons you've bent there.

Okay, I admit it.

I'm super jealous.

Maybe that's what she wants to hear you say.

No. I said I was cool with it.

I need to be strong.

Really, really strong.

Oh, look.

He's singing to a baby kangaroo. I mean, I know this is a publicity stunt,

cynically aimed at my teenage brain, but I'm definitely getting his album.

Don't tell anyone.

Won't tell anyone.

It's all good.

What is this?

I'm going to prove that you still got it.

Remember how it goes right?

One, two, three, four.

Come on.

About Ivan's essays and why they have my money.

Who and what?

What?

He's a guy in the Ukraine who does your schoolwork for a fee.

So basically a cheat for hire.

Oh, mate.

What were you thinking?

This isn't the Harry I know.

I thought there could be two of me.

Look, you gave me the idea with your phone memos.

Oh, Meg.

It was just until I got on top of it all.

I've got a ton of schoolwork.

Cheating. I'd call it optimising my performance.

You can't argue with the results.

Look, it could have been way worse.

At least I got a discount.

Nice one, son.

I mean, bad one. Bad. Very bad.

You've really let us down.

I'm sorry.

I'll redo the coursework and I'll focus on school.

The ban comes second.

No, the ban comes third because of the extra shifts you'll be putting in to pay

back the money.

Extra shifts.

Quite right.

You could learn from this kid in the Ukraine.

He's getting great grades in the second language and he's running his own

business. I'll go.

Thanks for coming down.

Sure. No problem.

Why wouldn't I?

I just wanted you to see that it's just a professional thing. Me and Josh. Josh

and me.

That's okay.

I'm cool with it.

Super chilled.

You don't mind filming us, right?

Why would I mind?

It's just a professional thing. You and Josh.

Josh and you.

Nothing to see here.

Apart from what you film?

Yeah, that.

Hey, Josh.

Is this all right?

And action.

So, a lot of you have been wondering what's been happening with Josh and

Well, maybe this will give you a clue.

Gosh, Josh, I think that was our first kiss.

Hey, first kiss is the title of my new single, dropping on the 25th. The 25th?

That's when my tour begins with Girls Say First.

Cool. I guess I should check the website for details.

Later, guys.

Did we get it?

How was that for you?

Great. I loved it.

Every second. Caught it all day, every day.

Actually, I think we need to do it again and kiss properly, like, on the lips

and for much longer. Can we practice?

Sure.

No, stop it!

Is something wrong with my hair?

No.

Perfect. Everything about you is perfect.

Mate, are you flirting with me? No.

I'm just jealous, okay?

I'm really, really, really jealous.

Maya, I'm not going to let you kiss another bloke. About time.

I was starting to think you didn't like me anymore. I'm crazy about you. I just

wanted you to admit it. Oh, I have.

Happy now?

Barry, come here, you idiot.

I belong with you. You belong with me. You're my sweetheart.

And I belong with you.

You belong with me, you're my sweet.

So, uh, can I go now?

Oh.

Sorry you got busted, Mum.

Nah, it's fine.

Mum's right.

Perfect. Forced me to write a new planner.

We should hurry up. I've only got 23 minutes to my French homework.

Oh, did you start it out with Maya?

Oh, turns out she just wanted me to admit that I was jealous.

Duh.

Whoa, Frankie.

Looking sharp, man. Oh, yeah.

Weird thing, yesterday when we did that gig, turns out there was a talent

spotter in the crowd.

For real?

Yeah. He said it's one of the best performances he's ever seen.

This is it, guys.

My performance.

Not Nate's.

Um, he was really clear about that.

He's talking management.

Record deals.

That's awesome. Well done.

Nate, have you ever gone on tour and needed to act?

Oh, I turned him down.

What?

I'm going to do what I should have done years ago.

My A -levels. Seriously?

Yeah. I think I might become a doctor.

Oh. Well, I've got this pain right here, and... But you got a record deal. Might

try and cure a disease.

But you could be a pop star.

No. I don't want to do that.

But you gave me the confidence to walk away and do what I really wanted.

Thanks, man.

You're welcome.

Better be off.

I don't get it.

I thought we wanted the same thing.

What if I decide to walk away at five years?

Like that's going to happen.

Yeah. We're the Wonderland forever, right? With some good grades to fall

on. Harry.

You know what, guys? It would be a shame to waste such a good song.

One, two.

One, two, three, four.

You got me falling out of bed and sleeping on the floor.

Got me crazy in my head, girl, I'm feeling insecure.

Now I'm locked outside of my own brain and I'm banging on the door.

Cause I can't get my thoughts back to the way that they were before.

Won't go back, go back to the way that they were before.

Yeah, I'm locked outside of my own brain and I'm banging on the door.

Can we leave right now? Can we go?

Tell me please right now, yes or no It won't be too

late if you wait Yeah, I really need to know Cause girl, you got that wow

Tell me leave right now Party crowded, playing hard and loud But my eyes are on

you It's a place to be, but it's lost to me Got better things to do

Out of here is better if I get out of here with you.

Small talk, don't need some one -on -one. Time for something new.

Can we leave right now? Can we go?

Can we leave right now? Yes or no?

It will be too late if we wait. Yeah, I really need to know.

Yes, girl, you got that wow.

Can we leave right now? Your lips said that you might be feeling it too. Can we

get out of here? Get a different view?

Feeling sick of all the online.

Need a bit of real time. Girl, I need some time from you.

Oh, my head's a mess.

A bit obsessed. I must confess that I need you now.

Yeah, I see it. Absolutely.

You got it. A beauty girl. You got the wow.

Can we leave right now? Can we go?

Tell me please right now. Yes or no?

It will be too late if we wait. Yeah, I really need to know.

Girl, you got that wow.

Can we leave right now? Can we leave right now?

Can we leave right now? Can we leave right now? Can we leave right now?

It will be too late if we wait. Yeah, I really need to know.

Girl, you got that wow.

Can we leave right now?

Either of you two fancy boxing on Friday?

I'll do it. Cool.

Chloe, you're going to be fighting Maya.

Bring it on. You are going down. In the honour of the Wonderland. No, you are.

In honour of Girls' Day First.

This is amazing.

Check it out.

She's really good. She's terrifying.

Chloe the Clown!

I'm going to put you down!

I seem to have created a monster.