Original subtitles

What are you playing, mate?

War game.

I'm building an army to fight the Battle of Waterloo.

Cool horses.

They're elite cavalry units.

It took me a week to build them up. There we go.

Okay, you can't just... Go on, horses.

Run down the hill into the other horses.

You need strategy and planning to beat them. Come on, you blues.

We're the reds. Come on, you reds.

You won.

What? Who?

You won the battle and the entire war.

Nice.

What's for dinner?

I have a new smoothie menu I'm putting together.

One of my five a day, don't mind if I do.

Down the hatch.

It's all the fruit that was going off.

I mean, usually I throw it away, but just put it through a blender. Hey,

two quid a pop.

So our next move with the publicity is to get to know you more as individuals

rather than just the Wonderlands.

A bit of human interest.

Makes us sound like exhibits in a zoo.

I'd love to live in a zoo.

The animals would totally get me.

So, I just need you to fill in these questionnaires.

Where's Harry?

Had to stay after school.

What?

Harry? Did he finally do something wrong?

No. Something right.

Again. He's getting a prize for being a star pupil.

Fans love that sort of thing. Make sure you mention it in the questionnaire.

Right. Come on, Oakley.

I need to go and pick up Harry.

I suppose.

No. See you guys later.

We can part the questionnaires as press release.

Yeah, don't worry.

Harry will make sure they do it right.

Just us two, then?

Yeah.

Just us two.

Right, so this really cool magazine want to do a piece on you. It's called Vinyl

Slap. They want to focus on you as the lead singer.

I've started writing up your profile. That's all right.

I'll come round.

They mainly want to know what kind of girls you like.

Yawn fest?

Yeah. Am I right?

Like I've got time for a girlfriend. Exactly.

Not even worth thinking about.

Three kisses?

Who's that?

Mum.

Yeah, it's our code.

If I send three kisses, then I'm safe.

And if I send two, then I've been kidnapped.

Wow. Yeah.

She's a worrier.

She needs help putting up some bookshelves.

I'd better go.

Oh, shame.

It's all right.

We can meet up again.

Yeah?

I'm helping out Dan in the day, but I'm free tomorrow night.

Saturday night?

7 .30.

7 .30.

It's a date.

I'll see you later.

It's a date?

Hey, Mum.

Hi, boys.

Mum, what are you doing?

Well, I'm trying to follow this recipe that I found online.

And it was video top -down, so I thought I'd do it that way so I could get it

right. Could you pass me that cheese, please?

Ready?

Oh.

Oh.

It didn't look like that in the video.

Oh, Oakley.

Bird noises are coming on really well.

Mum, that wasn't Oakley.

That was Philip.

How many kids do I have?

Two. And which one of you is called Philip? No, I don't have one called

do I? This is Philip.

And this will explain everything.

Dear parent or guardian, due to your child's exemplary work, she or he has

given the honour of looking after the school cockerel.

Please enjoy Philip's company this weekend.

Well done, sweetheart.

Philip, the school mascot.

Ah, yeah, it all makes sense now.

Yep, that's what our school does.

Rewards intelligence with... cockerels.

Well, I'm sure if you need help looking after it, Oakley can help you out. Yeah,

Anne will totally get me.

Yeah, I'll park on that one.

Thanks.

Right, the coop's all set up in the garden.

Thanks, Dad.

Come on, Philip.

What are you doing up there?

Er, hello.

It's called Modern Cooking, Grandad. Get with the programme.

Can you pass me that broom, please?

Maybe I'll do the cooking tomorrow.

OK, guys, I come to you with a big question.

A friend of mine has got herself, himself, themself into a situation and,

put it this way, if someone says it's a date, do they mean it's an actual date

or... Oh, I can't put this up. I think I'm a proper melt.

He said it's a date.

It's a date.

I'm going on a date with Nate.

Or maybe I'm not.

Philip,

will you stop doing that?

That's what he does, mate.

It's like you telling me not to eat ice cream. Right, Philip?

Well, seeing as you know so much about animals, what's he saying?

I think he's just laid some eggs.

Eggs? Yeah.

Straight off his bum.

Right, firstly, mister, I understand animals.

Chickens don't lay eggs from their bums. It's called a cloaca.

You're a cloaca.

And secondly, this is a cockerel called Philip.

And? Hens lay eggs, therefore cockerels lay bigger eggs.

I'm a check.

Really?

No eggs.

Oakley! Not yet, anyway. How weird. Thanks, now I've got to get back in the

coop.

No way.

Philip's rearranged. Like me.

Philip? Let him wander.

He's not hurting anyone.

Wait, Harry.

I'm stuck.

Right, I just need a couple more for my smoothie menu. What do you reckon?

I got pineapple, mango, parsnip and scotch bonnet chilli.

I don't know if that's a good idea.

Ah, it's all in the branding.

We'll call it Henry VIII because it'll knock your head off.

Don't know.

Sorry, just thinking about stuff.

I bet.

Hot date tonight?

No, I'm seeing Chloe.

Yeah, on a date.

No, interview for the band.

I need to get it right.

Oh, she thinks it's a date.

Hey, Dan, it's not a date.

With his girlfriend, Chloe.

She's not my girlfriend.

Chloe thinks the vast right want a date? Yeah.

What?

How? I mean... What? I heard Chloe say, I'm going on a date with Nate.

This is huge.

Bigger than huge.

What's bigger than huge?

Massive.

This is massive?

I need to talk to the guy.

Yeah, but you like her, right?

What's the worst that can happen?

It all goes wrong and you lose your social media manager and a really good

friend.

Nate?

Nate?

Nate!

I tried knocking the front. It was locked.

Hello?

Annika?

Hello?

Okay.

This is weird.

Sorry,

I did try knocking the front, but you didn't answer, so I just let myself in

the back. I'm really sorry.

Don't be sorry.

Bye.

Trying to put up these shelves is causing a lot of stress.

I had to recenter myself.

Nate's gone to see Harry and Oakley.

What's going on?

Oh, I'm sure it's nothing. He put the three kisses, right?

Oh, great.

He told you the code. Don't worry, I don't intend on kidnapping him.

I'm actually here to see Molly about some band stuff.

Oh, OK, yeah.

She's upstairs.

OK, great.

Again? Seriously?

Molly?

Hello? Molly?

Molly?

Molly?

Chloe? Chloe?

Hi.

I wasn't listening to GHF and cuddling my telly, if that's what you're

OK.

So, I'm doing...

Interview with Nate later for this magazine and... Nate's at the ballet?

Yeah, I know. But I need to find out some gossip to ask him about later.

Did he mention that?

Mention what?

See me later.

He didn't come across as... ..nervous about it or...

..excited? He just seemed normal.

Well, normal for Nate.

Ha! Classic little sister joke.

You can quote me on that.

So he wasn't worried about what to wear or anything?

No. Tell you what, though. You should ask him about what we call the canal

incident. Yeah. OK, so breakfast... Look, once on a canal boat, Nick did a

so big that blocked the toilet and we had to get a boatman to fix it.

OK.

Do you think Fonzo really want to know about that?

Eleanor did.

She loved it. She's an ultimate Wonderland fan.

Hey, you should talk to her.

Yeah, but isn't she a bit... Loud, full -on, poo -obsessed?

Yeah, all of those.

Yeah, but she does know what the fans want to hear.

I suppose.

You've got to meet me at the diner later then.

Wait, aren't you seeing Nate then?

Yeah, but it just sounds like we're meeting up to chat about one stuff.

Yeah, sounds like it's a date or anything.

Yeah. Can you imagine me and Nate?

It's not that funny, is it?

Any superpower, what would it be and why?

The ability to catch a cockerel.

That's rubbish.

I'd have cakes for hands.

They grow back when you eat them.

Yeah, cos that's so much more useful.

Here's a good one.

If you were a biscuit, what would you be and why? Look, Oakley, can we stop with

your stupid questions?

They're not my stupid questions, actually.

This is ban -related homework from Chloe.

Homework?

Why wasn't I informed?

This has to be factored on my chart.

Now you're interested, Philip.

Great. Now I've got homework on top of the bird wrangling.

It's fine. Chill.

I've got this.

It's the sort of homework I can get down with.

Biscuit related.

Philip. Although, I may have to cheat.

Philip. Philip, I'm not over there.

Come on, Philip.

Philip, no.

Hello, Maya's voicemail.

This is Oakley.

If you didn't know already. Philip.

I need your help.

ASAP. Call me back.

You're just kicking your stupid home, you fool.

Fine.

Not you.

Oh, Philip.

Whoa, what's with the cockerel? No, no, not in the house, Philip.

Philip?

Philip is a prize you get at school for being the best. Philip!

What do you get for being the worst?

Well, I had to clean the toilets when... Philip!

Oh, you were joking.

Listen, I need your help. I've got a major crisis.

Chloe thinks that... Oh, sorry.

It's, uh, really important. Cool.

Maya, so, if I was a biscuit...

What kind would I be and why?

Philip.

Philip.

Philip!

Hey,

dinner's going to be amazing.

Are we getting takeaway?

No, I'm cooking.

Oh. What do you mean, oh?

I'm a good cook.

It kind of depends on the packet.

Well, that's where you're wrong, actually, mister, because this is going

100 % fresh and natural, OK?

At least it is now.

All right, Chloe.

Fancy a fruit smoothie?

What's in it?

Fruit.

Mostly.

Yeah, I found some old spinach. The strawberry spinach.

What's up with that?

The spinach with the strawberry?

It's all natural.

It's always chicken pox and sunburn.

I'd rather not risk it. Oh, yeah.

On your hot date tonight.

What? What do you mean?

Why did you say that?

Oh, I thought you said you and Nate were...

I thought it might have been a date, but I've done some digging and I don't

think it is any more. Really?

What did Nate say?

It's a date.

Sounds like a date. Yeah, but that's just something people say, isn't it?

It's a date.

Doesn't mean it's a date date.

Does it? Doesn't it?

Have you spoke to Nate?

Does he think it's a date? No.

No, no, no, no, no.

No.

Excuse me a minute, I just need to make a quick call.

OK, my little pink wafer. I need to finish the rest of my homework.

Thanks for your help.

Anytime, my jammy dodger. OK, you hang up.

No, you hang up.

OK. Wait, that's not what I... What are you looking for?

Philip! He'll be fine.

Don't stress.

You stress too much.

OK, scenario one out of 229.

What happens if he pictures him wiring and electrocutes himself?

Would never happen.

Why?

Rubber feet.

What? Look...

I can't be known as the kid that lost the school rooster.

What? Rather than the kid who smells of soap?

Who, me?

What?

Huh? Huh?

Is that what I'm known as? Look, with your smarts and my animal magnetism, we

can catch a tent.

Cockerel. And you do realise that animal magnetism doesn't mean that you

actually... That's not a cockerel. That's a duck.

Hi,

darling. Hi.

Mum? Do you know anything about girls?

Apart from being one.

You're not a girl, you're my mum.

Is it that last night I was at the diner with a friend?

And before I knew it, I'd asked her out on a date.

Apparently. Right.

Interesting.

Grab her ends and slide the shelf in.

I don't even know if she likes me.

I don't even know if I like her.

How do you even know?

It's a mystery to me.

Sometimes you think it's going to be a good fit.

Yeah, she's great.

And then it all starts to wobble.

Wobble?

What?

Wobbles about.

Oh, you mean the shelves?

Cool.

Okay, right.

Don't overthink it.

So do I just tighten the screws? Not the shelves.

The tape.

Don't overthink the tape.

Sorry.

This is confusing.

Yep. Be patient and follow the instructions.

There's instructions?

Oh, you mean the shelves.

Mum, is it okay if I go to the diner later? See Eleanor? Yeah, sure.

Wait, unless your brother's going there on his date with Chloe?

I never said it was on a date with Chloe. You didn't need to.

Nate's got a date with Chloe?

Whoa, this is huge.

Wait till I tell Eleanor. Oh, Molly, please don't.

Hello?

Hey, Nate.

I've got the wrong end of the stick about this date with Chloe.

What? Turns out it's not a date. At least Chloe doesn't think it is.

Oh. At least I think she doesn't think it is.

Okay.

Great.

Thanks.

I'll see you later.

I'll have a smoothie all ready for you.

Please don't.

So, turns out it's not a date.

That's a good thing.

Right.

Is it?

Yeah.

Totally.

Philip? No!

Philip, what have they done to you?

Find Philip. Where is he?

What's happened?

It's not Philip.

It's going to be 100 % fresh and nice.

No.

Dad, what have you done?

Maybe it's not too late. Not too late?

His head's off.

We can't give up on him. I'll give him mouth to mouth.

He hasn't got a mouth. He's got a cavity.

It's actually called a cloaca.

I told you that, and it's the upper end.

Right, I'm going in.

You can't kiss a raw chicken.

Wait, I've got an idea.

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, hey, babe.

Oakley, there's no point. He's gone.

When they're pregnant, it's the perfect crime.

Hello? Who's Philip?

I'll get the oven ready.

We can't eat Philip.

Will someone please tell me who Philip is?

Philip.

Do you always name your dinner?

Philip is one, the school mascot.

I say we give him a dignified funeral.

Bury the evidence.

That's a great idea.

It's what he would have wanted.

Someone should say a few words.

Well, go on then, Harry.

I'm sorry I couldn't keep you alive for more than one day.

I let him out of his coop.

And it was your dad who, well, you know.

But he was my responsibility and I messed up.

Now I'm going to be known as the kid who lost the school mascot.

But you're a chocolate digestive.

What?

Chocolate digestive.

Brave, dependable and popular.

That's how you see me?

Thanks, bro.

You really do smell of soap.

OK, you can do a cockerel noise.

Philip! Hey, look who I found crossing the road.

I think he was trying to get to the other side.

Jess, I'm not ruined.

I am a chocolate digestive.

Anyway, I'd better get the dinner in the oven.

What are we meant to be doing?

That's an interview for a magazine.

But listen, none of that matters now.

Chloe and my brother are going on a date.

That is huge.

Well, Nate thinks Chloe thinks it's a date.

There she is.

She's not very dressed up.

Playing it cool.

Super cool.

Hey, guys.

Thanks for this.

Sorry, I feel like I'm about to explode.

That'll be the smoothies. You started putting lentils in them.

No, about you and... Yeah, totally.

You're playing it super cool, though.

How do you mean?

Just look at what you're wearing.

What about it? I just assumed that you'd, like, dress up a little bit more

the date.

With Nate.

A date?

It's not a date.

I heard Nate talking about it with Mum, and he thinks it's a date.

What? With Nate.

No, it's not that. It's just I didn't think that's what we agreed.

But isn't that why you came to see me this morning?

To get info?

No.

OK, well.

You do like him. I knew it. No, I don't.

I don't know.

The point is, it can't be it.

I'm not dressed for it.

Do I have time to go home and change?

There he is.

Hey, Nate!

Chloe's over here!

On the floor for some reason.

We should go.

Hi.

Hi.

So?

So... Here we are. Yep.

At 7 .30.

The specified time.

Yeah. The specified time.

Sorry, I thought... Sorry, you first.

When I said it's a date...

I didn't mean... And I didn't mean... Exactly. I wouldn't actually... Yeah,

I didn't think... As if.

Yeah, as if.

I mean, what would you have said if I was being serious?

Are you?

Are you?

It's me.

I'm Chloe.

What's going on?

Well, somebody buried dinner in the garden, so we're all starving.

I've had a very weird day.

This is nice, isn't it? All of us together.

We're not interrupting anything, are we?

Hot date?

No, nothing like that.

Where's AJ?

Looking after Philip.

Oh. Who's Philip?

Don't ask.

Look, Chloe, we filled out the questionnaires.

Oh, great. Did you put in the stuff about the school prize?

Yeah. Not all of it.

And we even figured out what kind of biscuit they are.

Easy. Chocolate digestive, jammy dodger, and, uh...

Dreamy custard cream.

How does everyone know about this from me?

So which one would I be then?

Something that's mostly nuts.

Right, here we go. On the house for my favourite customers.

Something I should have been making all along.

Yum.

Basically hot smoothie. Just tastes so much better.

We, we don't have to worry about nothing.

Cause we got the fire, and we're burning one heck of a something.

They, they got the tears from outer space, outer space. Light it up,

like we're the stars of the human race, human race.

When the lights turn it down, they don't know what they heard.

Strike a match, play it loud, giving love.

Yeah, we got the fire, fire, fire. And we gonna let it burn, burn, burn, burn.

We gonna let it burn, burn, burn, burn. Gonna let it burn, burn, burn, burn. We

gonna let it...

Cause we got that fire, fire, fire Yeah, we got that fire, fire, fire We can

light it up, up, up So they can put it out, out, out We can light it up, up, up

So they can put it out, out, out We can light it up, up, up So they can put it

out, out, out We can light it up, up

Cause we got the fire, fire, fire Yeah, we got the fire, fire, fire And we gonna

let it

Cause we got the fire, fire, fire.

Yeah, we got the fire.