Original subtitles

The curse words in this message have been approved by 50 Cent.

Itch.

We're taking a really big step, babe. Deep breath.

Hi. Hi. Do you guys have shared phone plans with two lines?

Great question. You came to the right place.

Not only do all of our plans have two lines, but PayCNT and Mobile have the

largest 4G network in America.

And, unlike our competitors, we're the first to offer a new shared player plan.

where our male customers, who are already in a shared plan with a

other, receive access to a third secret line.

At no additional cost.

Okay, we're in a committed relationship.

Oh. And we just need one plan with two lines.

You guys have that, right?

Great question. Yes, we do. All PayTNT mobile plans come with two smartphones

and free upgrades after a year. Okay, that's more along the lines of what I

thinking about. Thank you. You're welcome.

And your discreet third line comes with a flip phone that's small enough to fit

in your sock, but cheap enough to easily get rid of if you need to quickly

destroy it. Is this bitch Percy?

Babe, I have no idea what you're talking about. Ma 'am, I have absolutely no

idea what you're talking about. Why would I need a second secret phone?

Great question.

Each line comes with 15 gigs of data.

And we recently partnered with Pandora, so you get free, unlimited streaming to

today's... Please stop.

...hottest speeds.

And we've also partnered with all the most titillating dating apps. So you

have to dip into your data when you just want to dip. Enough of this!

Look, you're clearly not trying to help us figure out a family plan. Can we

speak to your manager?

Great question.

AT &T Mobile knows that a modern family needs a modern family plan. That's why

we offer the first ever secret family plan.

See, our customers kept asking us.

Can you take our side chick's names off the contract? So, eventually, we just

got rid of the contracts altogether.

Don't breathe! Would you stop?

Look, miss, I'm not that kind of man. Not every dude that walks in here is a

dog. I'm here with a woman that I love, and we just want two lines.

That's it.

When'd you get that phone?

I'll take that line, too.

The PayTNT player plan for a side piece.

All right,

all right.

Okay.

20 minutes, 30 minutes. That bag coming.

10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes. You know what's up.

10 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes. Yeah, trick him up. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, trick him up. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, trick him up.

He's the most fed person in this part.

Now he's the most fed person on late night.

The host of 50 Central!

50 Cent!

Hey, you say New York City.

Give it up for please New York's very own world famous DJ Envy.

We got a great show for you. Let's get into it.

Hey, Tristan.

Kia.

No.

You consider yourself to be a jealous boyfriend. You don't realize it, but

jealous. I believe I handle myself in every situation appropriately.

That's code for I act a fool. I'm a jealous boyfriend.

No, I didn't say that.

If your girl, if she had a very, very, very attractive male best friend. Yeah,

best friends are good for the soul.

Lies. Lies you tell. Okay, one more.

I'm ready. What if you found out that that friend...

You said date your girl back in the past. That changes things. Now it's

different. Things are different. Things are different now.

That's no big deal.

It's all cool in theory, but let's check in with my homegirl, Jasmine, to see

what happens in real life when you and your bae run into the ex.

Not a damn thing. All right.

Want to stop Trump from destroying Central Park?

Stop Trump!

State Central Park.

Stop Trump.

Hello. How you doing? I'm actually collecting signatures today.

My boy Mark is really not collecting signatures.

How long has he been in?

Like three years.

Okay. Three years is pretty long. He's really collecting Mark.

You guys in love?

Yeah.

We have a cat and everything.

A cat and everything. Well, that's a universal sign.

With each of these couples, the guy knows that Jasmine is his plan.

But let's see how that girl responds.

Oh, right, right, right. Right, right.

How's Grace?

Your mom didn't forget my name because she still calls me.

She's good?

Well, I can't wait to tell my son that you're here because he's going to flip.

Like, out of all the guys I've ever had in my life, like, you were the only one

that he really took to.

Yeah.

It's just really good to see you. I just remember you were just, you were such a

joy. He's like the Kobe Bryant of one -eyed fans.

Yeah. Do you talk?

Yeah. Yeah?

But I'm just not talking to him. Oh,

okay. Yeah.

I was like, oh, my gosh, I thought he was with his aunt or something.

Do you get that at all?

No. First time.

Well, first time for everything.

All right. Let's raise the stakes.

How long you been together?

About seven years.

Whoa, that's a long time. You guys in love?

I am.

Let's see how these guys react when the ex that shows up is me.

Oh, shit.

Sherelle, how you doing?

What?

How you doing? What up, man?

Good to see you, man.

Oh, my God.

What's going on?

Shit, how you doing? Hey.

How you doing?

Damn. What's up, man? How you doing?

What's up, man? How you doing, man?

Your gay best friend or something like that?

No.

No, that's my boo. I don't know. That's my boo.

I see you got to keep yourself in shape. I remember you coming backstage and

your personality was so vibrant. Thank you.

You got a birthday coming up, right?

Yeah. Yeah, it's the only secret, you know. You love her?

Oh, yeah. I understand why you love her. I understand.

Good girl, man. You know, if I had the opportunity, I'd go back in seconds, but

y 'all get the thing.

Third, fourth, fifth, and everything, but you know, I know why you love it.

I don't care about girls I sleep with, but you know, she's a little different.

I miss that move she did. I never had that done before.

No disrespect, you know, I mean, she's just talented.

Her makeup?

Talented with her makeup?

No, no, no, I'm talking about sexually.

Have you never ran into a guy that you had amazing sex with and just had to say

hi? Even if he was with his, you know.

No.

Are you mad at me? No, I'm not mad. It's just, you're from the past, so let's

just keep it there.

I don't know what else is there to elaborate on.

Throw on a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate this?

I give him a 12. I don't talk about that.

Oh, you ain't even never.

I gotta skate, bro.

Let's take this picture.

By the way, you're on my new show.

You have just got pranked on 50 Centurion.

Let me just get a picture of you before you go.

Nah. I know how you be doing. Nah, I ain't doing nothing. Nah.

You're not about to. Can I get a picture?

I just want to take a picture with you.

You want to take a picture? No, come here, come here, come here.

There's a camera right here, look.

There's a camera.

You're on the show.

It's a TV show.

Come on. You're on the show.

You're on the show on TV.

He was like.

I'm out of here.

Yeah, this show is just getting started, so don't go anywhere.

Next up is a special segment where I give up -and -coming artists a platform

showcase their talents.

I'm out.

Please welcome Kevin T.

My name Kevin Tate, straight up. Listen, I know, listen, it's the 017 fellas.

I'm going to talk to y 'all since y 'all ain't here. If y 'all really want y

'all relationship to last in the 017, dawg, it come down to real shit. You got

to step up, dawg. You got to lock your phone, fam.

Lock your shit, dawg.

Straight up, man. It's the old 17. Lock your shit, man. And see, the women that

get you every time this time, they get you every time. Why you locking your

phone if you ain't got nothing to hide?

Why you locking your phone if you ain't got nothing to hide?

I lock my front door. That don't mean I'm hiding my couch.

Lock your phone, bro.

You want to mess the night up, straight up. Try to snatch your girlfriend. I

know you think you know her strength. Try to snatch her cell phone from her.

You see a real strength like let me go Really you ripping really let me go you

are choking me really you are to let me go. Let me go I'm gonna call my brother.

I'm about to call my brother if you don't let me go. I'm gonna call my

if you don't Look she looking like he still didn't get it though

Straighter, you know you could tell who you are in a relationship I would your

girl save your name as and her cell phone and shit

I get to the house. I call my girl phone. I pick it up and look at it. It

it say this.

I'm telling you, anybody single, clap if you single. Make some noise.

Really? Really? Really?

You got to have your stuff together to be single, man. It's the 017. The women

going to tell you these days, I don't need a man for nothing. I'm good. I

need a man for shit.

Thank you. No, thank you.

Until you go visit they house and start looking around like, yeah, you do need a

man for some shit around here.

Like you go in they bedroom and the damn ceiling fan going crazy and shit.

Like, oh, you need to get a man to come tighten up the ceiling fan.

Like we supposed to do it up under that.

And you can't turn it off because the string too short. You like, God damn it.

Like, get somebody.

Two B's left, bro.

I'm going to turn this crazy ass ceiling fan off with two B's, dog.

You need, what happened to the shoestring I tied up?

Go get your, why would your son take the shoe? Go get your son there.

I finally grabbed it, thought I was going to turn it off, messed around,

it on high. The shit went crazy.

Like, go get your son.

Okay, my name's Kevin Tate. I got to get out of here, y 'all.

Good morning, everyone.

Good morning.

I am your human resources rep, Ms. Dixon, and I'm here to familiarize you

sexual harassment in the workplace.

The plan was to show you guys a DVD, but it's not working.

So it looks like I will have to describe everything that's going on in the video

myself. Which is not a problem. Okay, so they open at the water cooler. Ken and

Dave are talking about the big game when suddenly their attention is diverted.

It's Samantha from Accounts Receivable. And no, it's not her personality that

catches their attention.

It's her breasts.

Um, I'm having a little bit of trouble following along without the aid of a

video. Do you mind describing how big exactly her breasts were?

You guys, you know, I'm just trying to paint a picture for all of us. It's

I don't need it, Janet. It's okay.

I want us to be able to create an open dialogue, so this is perfectly fine.

What are, like, ripe grapefruits? Or, like, big perky bowling balls resting

underneath her T -shirt? Or, like, two prize -winning pumpkins from the county

fair? And as far as her cleavage, were the breasts pushed together, creating,

like, an oversized novelty coin slot in the middle of her chest? Or are her

breasts more spread apart, as if she's carrying twin infants under each arm?

Wow. Um, okay.

I would say... She was about a triple G.

Nice. So when she bent over to pick something up, you could see the future.

Jesus. Okay, moving on. Yes, back to Samantha from Accounts Receivable.

So as she's walking by the water cooler, a male employee stops her and he says,

Good morning, Samantha.

But his eyes are really saying, I want to Baywatch them titties.

I have another question. Sorry to keep asking, but I'm unfamiliar with the term

Baywatch them titties.

It means he wants to motorboat them till his Johnson becomes The Rock.

I'm still confused.

I think I get it now. Right.

We're going to move on to the next chapter of this video where we see a

employee at his desk on his laptop looking at some very questionable

plain view of his colleagues.

Tasteful nudes of a swimsuit model who paints her booty to look like a sexy

tiger? Or is it more like a BuzzFeed list of the top 31 celebrity nip slips?

It was more like a Reddit thread all about camel toe. Excuse me, can you care

elaborate on...

Camel toe?

Hold on a second. Excuse me, ma 'am, can you come up here, please?

Don't be shy.

This is a safe place.

All right. See, this, my friends, is a camel toe.

You see how everything going on down there is completely visible?

It's almost as if her labia is flashing us the Star Trek sign.

Live long and prosper. Say it with me. Live long and prosper. I can't see.

I'm nearsighted, so... Honey, can you go back there and give him a visual aid?

Thank you so much.

Very similar to the young lady in the video, except she was wearing a much

revealing top.

Ms. Dixon, this is messed up. I mean, is this all just about women's provocative

clothing? No, absolutely not. You know, in the very next chapter, we see our

male employees inappropriately flaunting their erections.

Let me show you what I mean. Can you come up here, please?

I don't think this is a good time for me. Well, if you're shy in front of

groups, it's okay to just picture everybody naked. That's what I do.

That's the problem.

Okay.

Steve's on some Boogie Nights shit. So this part of the video is when we show a

variety of male erections as a suggestion that our male employees

not wear excessively tight pants that show your breakfast sausage, if you know

what I mean.

I'm sorry, Ms. Dixon. It's one of the baggiest pants I could find.

And it's also inappropriate to stare.

That's also in the video.

Um, does anyone have any questions?

Whoo! Yeah, it's going down tonight. It's through the music video premiere.

It's from my boy Ludacris, and here he is with Vikings.

Longest night of life right here, man. Damn right.

Sun ain't never coming up, you know?

Yeah. Some people like to drink.

Some people like to smoke.

Some people overthink.

Some people overdose.

I'm just trying to get the nicest.

Bottles on ice.

Pull some all -nighters.

Because everybody got fights.

A couple bottles. A couple bottles. Took a couple shots.

Took a couple shots. I don't. A couple models.

A couple models. I don't. A couple shots. But from Seattle to Atlanta.

From Philly to the beta. Only loyal. I know the loyal.

St. Tangeray. He gets me right every time.

It ain't never no fuss in a fight. And she says she'll always be mine. That's

why.

Some people like to drink.

Some people like to smoke. Some people overthink. Some people overdose.

I'm just trying to get the nicest bottles on ice.

Pull some all -nighters. Because everybody got my...

Good sex will just make them holler.

It'll just make it better.

And ease the stress in my mind as I continue to go in to get this cat up and

roll it. Let's get delighted.

Puff, puff. Pass that thing around every day. I get excited because this hill

came from the ground and it was put on the earth to smoke it. I can't think of

better time to light it up and ask if I want to hit it because I know that I

can't decline.

I know some people like to drink.

Some people like to smoke.