Original subtitles

The curse words in this message have been approved by 50 Cent.

Bitch.

Yo, man, where did you make that food at, man? I ordered it, man. Yo, who had

go? I stink in this mall.

Yo,

what y 'all doing to my trailer?

What you mean, your trailer?

What's going on with this shit?

Trailer seat Wu -Tang like five trailers down, man. This is our trailer right

here. Go outside and say Wu -Tang right on the motherfucking thing, man.

Don't say Wu -Tang on the trail. It's like five times.

It's like six times, man. We got vitamin water, baby. Ain't no vegan shit in

here, is it?

I need 10 minutes. I got to pee like a racehorse.

What are you guys doing? What are you guys doing on the trail?

It's not your trail. It's my trail. I just think of dumping it.

It's my show.

50 Central.

All right, all right.

Okay. These be awesome.

Yeah,

yeah.

Yeah, trick -em -up. Yeah,

trick -em -up.

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for 50 Cent.

Hey, you say New York City.

Give it up for DJ Spinkin'.

Welcome to 50 Centures.

We got another dope show for you. And we are straight up starship. Yo, Tristan,

Mark, come out here.

What are we

doing this weekend?

Sunday, unfortunately, I got to go to a funeral.

Oh, shit, I'm so sorry. I didn't hear about who passed away. My centipede

away.

So I just got his ashes, like, in my room now, and I can't quite... Shut up.

No, no, no, no. A centipede is a legitimate pet. It's just... Some people

cats, other people have dogs.

I like a little more legs.

Black people don't cremate.

That's some white people shit. Roll the tape.

What up? everybody i'm back at it again out here in newark new jersey this time

seeing how strangers on the street react when i spread a little love all over

their clothing

mark

i want you to talk to yourself oh grandpa i told you to keep your hearing

you would have heard that bus coming Why? Why didn't you look both ways?

How you doing? I just lost my granddad.

Who you talking on the phone with?

I like those pink pants.

Get this guy a suitcase.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. My granddad. Oh, shit. I was supposed to spread his ashes in the

street. I'm sorry.

Could you help me get my granddad off your suitcase?

There might be a little bit of my granddad on your suitcase.

I'm sorry.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, come on.

If it was your grandpa, I'd help you.

Mark, I want you to talk to yourself, and then right when you see him, run

into him.

Oh! Oh, shit! My grandpa just hit my... Oh, shit! Oh, shit! I'm so sorry!

Stop!

Oh, grandpa!

Throw it on his feet. Throw it on his feet.

Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

Oh, my dad!

My dad!

It's just ashes.

It's just a dead body.

It's just a dead body. It's not even living anymore.

Obviously. Can you help me? Can you help me? Can you please pick it back up? I'm

supposed to die right there. You got hit by a bus. I'm supposed to... Why?

Why would you spill water?

You're going to be on the cement.

Can anyone help me come pick up my dad? Can anyone help me pick up my dad?

He voted for Obama. Could you help me?

I'll help you.

I'll help you, too.

Are you trying to put it back in here?

This is your dad. You're not being careful.

Dad, if you can hear me right now, there's a beautiful black woman helping

He was married to a white woman, but he had a lot of black mistresses, so I know

about the culture.

This is like the weirdest first date ever, right? Well, we're not married.

Technically.

No, we're not. Ma 'am, you would have loved my grandpa.

He used to play get rich or die trying before I went to bed just to make sure I

slept all right.

My grandpa was a cool dude.

He loved black women.

Tell him to kneel down with you.

Get down here with me. Could you get that? Can we just take a moment to kneel

real quick?

I don't know about kneeling down. Please.

Thank you.

Tell him to pray for your granddad.

Can you talk to my grandpa real quick and just say some kind words?

Oh, Grandpa, we miss you and everything, Grandpa.

Oh, that was really good.

Can I have a hug before you go, man? All right, man.

Can I have a hug, please? Can I have a hug?

All right, man.

Keep hugging the target, all right?

Just a little bit longer.

Hey, how you doing?

Oh, my God!

Oh, no!

Shut up!

You are 50 Central! B -E -T! Boom!

I completely understand, but you have to stop calling here. It's just getting a

little bit too much. I'm on vacation with Michelle and the kids.

There's no easy way for me to say this, but it's over.

I can't do it anymore.

It's over. You have to stop calling here.

Barry, who are you talking to on the phone at 3 o 'clock in the morning?

Michelle.

It's America, sweetheart.

Give me the phone.

Please be easy with America, please. Didn't I tell you to stop calling us?

We can't help you anymore.

No, we can't. No, we had a good run with you. We did. We gave you eight strong

years. Eight strong years.

And we looked good doing it, too. That's right, babe. We did. But so many of you

didn't appreciate that.

It's a little harsh.

Because you made a mistake.

Messed it all the way up. And now the future is in the baby hands of Donnie

the bad hair. Those disgusting little hands.

So the next time you've got a problem at 3 a .m., tweet it to 45.

That's right.

Obama's out.

Good work, babe.

So, um, you want to...

Try a little something now that we ended those calls.

All right, here we go.

Here we go. We're blitzing.

Oh, yeah, we're blitzing.

Oh, yes.

Call me Santa Claus because I got a present for you.

Next up is a special segment where I give up and coming artists a platform to

showcase their talents.

I'm I.

Today, we got an internet sensation. I've been keeping up with him. He owns

own brand, My Money Makers. Please welcome Gary Dixon.

So, Gary, what got you into your own brand, developing your brand and stuff?

Oh, man, because we do a lot of funny barbershop videos.

What goes on in the barbershop every day, we make fun of. Well, you know, the

barbershop is the therapist you don't have to pay for.

Oh, yeah. Well, a lot of dudes tell the truth in the barbershop. I don't know

what it is about that cape, but it's like Wonder Woman's lasso of truth.

You know, dude come in the barbershop like, hey, man, my family's good. I love

my family. So he put the cape on. I got a side piece.

Yeah, I think I might be burning right now.

Take the cape off. Tell me how many numbers.

Oh, 500 million views worldwide.

It's a real deal. Tested and proven already, baby. We're just showing them

something new. Yeah, man. That's what we do. Check this out.

The aggressive baba.

The seductive

baba.

The clumsy baba.

Talking and listening.

Babas. Just cut my hair.

D, I don't want to get my shoes dirty.

Baba.

D, I'm 30.

Baba. For you, I'll do it for 15.

D, late.

Baba. I'm going to call you back. My bad, play, I'm late.

But I got to cut.

All of them people first.

Quick.

Me.

Daddy.

Baba.

The Arguing Man.

Yo,

this is why I love this guy. Great stuff. We'll be right back after this.

Did you just notice? I mean, you look expensive, girl. Listen, I'm trying to

that rapper money, especially when they start branching off into other

businesses and maybe even start a clothing line. Right, right, right. Or,

start a sketch comedy show on BET.

That's right!

Yeah, look at that.

Yo, you know what show I love? That cooking show with Martha Stewart and

Dogg? Yes, yes. I've seen that. And I just read, I've seen Variety.

They're bringing out a new guest host. Really?

Yeah. Check it out.

Hey, what's cooking, my niggles?

It's your boy Snoop Dio Double Jizzle. And today I'm in the kitchen solo

my girl Martha had to meet with her parole officer.

So today I got a celebrity guest for y 'all. You know him from his famous work

as the Donkey Voice.

So go ahead, nephews and nephews.

Put your hands together for E to the double E -I -E. Put your hands together

my man Eddie Murphy. That's right.

That's right. Let's put our hands together for Ed.

Yeah, now that's that classic donkey voice we all know and love so much.

So since my girl Martha's gone for the day, got the kitchen to myself, we're

going to do things my way.

We're going to make brownies.

Oh, brownies, brownies, brownies.

You're a little hype dog.

No, no, Snoop, that was a joke. That was from my movie, Nutty Professor. I'm

sure you'd see.

Nah, I only saw the donkey stuff.

So anyway, we're going to move on. Step one, two, three, and to the fourth, get

the special butter you can't find at the store.

This is Lace with the best THC from the LBC.

Y 'all know how I do it.

No.

Damn, that's good.

Goddamn, that's some good butter.

Butter was the case that they gave me.

It's bringing me back in time.

I want to eat this butter all the time, butter all the time, butter all the

time.

Did you just make that song up, Eddie?

No, Snoop, that's from my famous song from the 80s, Party All the Time.

I must have missed that one, my missus.

grown -ass man gonna miss Eddie Murphy. I'd just be on top of the world. Party

all the time. 48 hours. I was rolling delirious, baby.

I don't know none of them titles, but speaking of toppings, my nizzle, we need

some fudge for the drink in my nizzle.

Snoop, you're the highest person I've ever met.

Now, really, really, Snoop, when are we gonna make these brownies? Because I've

been very excited to come here and learn how to make brownies from a master.

Eddie, why are you rushing me, man?

Chill, cuz.

Why am I rushing you?

Snoop, I'm high.

I'm high hungry, Snoop.

And I feel paranoid right now.

I feel like the walls are closing in on me, Snoop. That's that good shit.

This ain't the good shit.

It's just the butter, man.

What you got in this butter, Snoop? I'm melting.

Snoop, I feel like I'm melting.

Eddie, chill.

Chill, Eddie. Eddie, my man. You got to chill.

I got to eat something, Snoop.

Snoop, I got to eat.

Okay, we going to get Eddie something to eat because he can't seem to chill

until the next episode.

That's right.

And next time, we're making waffles.

I got to get some more of these, too. They got me too high.

We'll be right back. Keep it right here on 56.

You better not go nowhere.

I'm going to go in these.

I'll be keeping that dough. Good man.

Good man.

I'm going to keep it. I don't know.

Tonight we have an exclusive live concert performance right here, right

5050. Thanks for watching.

I guess that's a job and I'm not depressed.

I'm still depressed.

So I guess what's the worst?