Original subtitles

there wherever you are and whoever you are.

I know who I am.

I just never know where I am.

But just in case we weren't introduced in speed dating, I'm Elvira, Mistress of

the Dart.

Oh, no, please, please, please.

You know,

I'm kind of like TCM's Robert Osborne, only with better legs and slightly

boobs.

Today or tonight, depending on your zip code, I am giving you all a little head.

I mean, heads.

Shrunken heads, that is.

Who I think used to open for the talking heads. Or was it Grateful Dead?

Anyway, the kids in this movie are really dead heads.

And I am grateful that this movie doesn't suck.

Well, I mean, not consistently anyway. Just during the parts that suck.

And they were placed there intentionally by the filmmakers so that the movie

sucks evenly.

So it's really not that bad.

This is so bad.

This is so bad.

Everybody's a critic.

So I'll let you decide for yourself how bad it is. Me, I'm going to go do my

laundry because this movie is definitely shrink to fit.

Now here they are, ladies and Dobermans, give it up for The Shrunken Heads!

Okay, some potato chips and, well, that's right, some herbal tea. Oh, here

is.

That'll be $7 .75.

Oh, dear.

I could be a few dollars short here. I'd be happy to put it on account, Mrs.

Wilson. Would you?

There you go. Oh, thank you, Mr.

Larson. Nice seeing you.

Hey, Tommy, this totally huge shipment of DC just came in at Mr.

Sumatra's. Finish that dry spot, Tommy.

Then you can go.

Yeah, then you can go.

To work in my sweatshop making fake Adidas.

Here, you want a jelly bean?

Hey,

who's that?

Whoa! Hey, kid, you want to ride your bike around here?

You gotta pay.

Pay?

For what?

For protection.

Come on, you guys.

Look, Sally, could you just stay the hell out of this, okay? Hey, let him go,

booger. Hey, hey, hey!

Hey! You boys looking for trouble?

I give you all the trouble you can handle.

What, you got a friggin' problem, huh?

Get the hell out of here.

Come on, Vinny, let's go.

Punks, I'll be locked up.

You okay?

Yeah,

I think so.

You're new around here, huh?

Yeah.

I just moved in down on 35th Street.

I'm Tommy Larson. This is my sidekick, Bill Turner.

Yeah, right.

And my name is Frederick Miriam Thompson.

Here, you want one?

Yeah, sure.

Do they always call you Frederick Miriam Thompson?

Well, you can call me Freddy.

That's a relief.

Fifty cents, my man.

Excellent choice. Excellent.

Oh, wow. Check out the Flash annual featuring Argus and the Flash.

I'm going to get the special crypto annual.

And if you get the Green Lantern, then we can swap them after.

What's the Green Lantern? Oh, man.

Look, the Green Lantern is not a what.

The Green Lantern is a he.

Trust us, you'll like him.

Hey, Mr. Sumatra. This is Freddy. Just move down the block.

Hello, Freddy.

Hello, sir.

Mr. Sumatra to you.

Oh, Bill, I almost forgotten.

Somebody came in that might interest you.

Yeah, man, I'm strung out. I need some beans.

Not wheel.

A starchy potato -like root that is very popular in my country.

Wow. Thanks, Mr. Sumatra.

Phil's a jelly bean junkie. That's all he eats.

Here's for the comic.

Yes, yes, yes.

Thanks. Thanks. That guy's kind

of weird, huh?

Mr. Sumatra? He's been around here forever.

He's from Haiti. Used to be a magician back home.

No way, he was a policeman.

A policeman?

That's what my old man said.

Green Lantern is the most amazing superhero in the world. Crypto is

more cool.

Come on, Bill. How can you compare crypto to Green Lantern? Crypto's a dog.

Uh -oh.

Don't look now.

Hey, give that back.

Give it back, bud. Give me that.

I can't believe you guys are still into this crap, huh?

One of you idiots is going to grow up anyway.

Come on, give it back, Vinny.

Just give it back to him.

What, are you going to go to bat for this twerp now?

I said give it back, Vinny. Oh, what are you going to do if I don't, huh, call

your mother?

Look, jerk. Hey, who are you calling jerk, huh?

Hey, Vinny, Mr.

Sumatra's watching. I don't care if Mr.

Sumatra's watching. You boys, get out of here.

Hey, why don't you eat this, Mr.

Sumatra, huh?

You don't hurt me.

Come on, Vinny, man, let's get out of here.

That guy gives me the creeps, all right?

Later, quip.

Go now!

You shouldn't have done that, Vinnie.

You shouldn't have done that, Vinnie, please.

There's got to be a way to get those jerks off of our back.

The only way to handle those guys is to stand up to them.

I don't think that's such a good idea.

You used to be a policeman, right, Mr. Sumatra?

Yes. I've had law enforcement experience.

In Haiti.

Back when you were a policeman, how would you handle a gang like the Vipers?

I would have collected information on them, and then transmit that information

to a special squad of inspectors in the Tantan Makut. What, like running

surveillance? Exactly.

When in pursuit, malfactors. What are those?

Evildoers. Criminal straight.

When one deals with malfactors, one must have great diligence.

Only then may expose the soft parts beneath the underbellies, leaving them

bleeding in sorrowful trial.

The cops in Haiti sound pretty scary.

Yes, Freddy.

Cops in Haiti are extremely scary.

Not as scary as the LAPD.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm really sorry about yesterday.

Vinny just gets like that sometimes.

I don't know why.

Maybe he's just got a bad character.

Vinny has good qualities.

Sure could have fooled me.

He's had a lot of trouble at home.

Having trouble doesn't mean you go out terrorizing the entire neighborhood.

And he's your boyfriend?

What's that supposed to mean?

Think about it.

Hello, Sally.

Something wrong?

Do I detect a little girlfriend troubles here, son?

Come on, Dad.

It's not like that at all.

Oh! Hey!

Sally!

Hey, Sally! Come on, you're not so mad, are you?

Go away!

Come on, lighten up.

What you did yesterday was really awful.

Come on, that guy's a total wimp.

Tommy Larson's not a wimp.

Oh, what, so you're all in love now?

That doesn't even deserve an answer.

Watch out, Vin!

Sally?

Sally.

Are those boys bothering you?

Nothing I can't handle, Mr. Sinatra.

Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing? Jesus, stop the car, man!

Come on, come on!

Watch where you're going, man! Why don't you shut the hell up, all right?

You know they're going to come after us.

So?

What else is new?

Those guys have been after us since kindergarten.

Aren't you getting a little tired of running from Vinnie Benedetti?

I've only been here three days, and I sure am.

Well, hey, if we don't stand up to those guys, we're always going to be looking

over our shoulder.

I think I better be heading home.

Yeah, I better go, too.

Well, later, Tom. See you later, Tom. See you guys later.

Oh, buddy.

You think you're bad.

Well, I'm the baddest of bad.

What are you doing?

Uh, nothing.

I know it's kind of late, but you think maybe we could talk?

Sure. You want me to come down?

That's okay. I'll come up.

So, uh... How come you're out on a school night?

My mom and dad were fighting again.

I couldn't handle it.

Sorry.

Don't worry about it.

I was thinking about what you said the other day.

I don't know why I thought Vinny could change.

I'm not going to see him anymore, though.

Well, it's about time.

And besides...

I like someone else now.

Oh, great.

He was a lucky guy.

Well, he's really, really nice.

And he works really hard in his desk grocery store.

You're trembling.

No, I'm not.

That's old lady Wilson's car.

Tom, Tom, a coot, too, calling Tommy.

Tom, Tom, a coot, too, calling Tommy.

Tom, Tom, a coot, too, calling Tom. Over.

What's that?

It's just Bill Turner.

Come on, Tommy, would you pick up already?

Sounds kind of important.

What do you want?

The Vipers are pulling apart old lady Wilson's car on Carter Avenue, behind

building, right now. Oh, man.

What do

you think you're doing?

We're going to bust the Vipers.

Are you crazy?

When Vinny finds out, I'll kill you.

We're not afraid of Vinny anymore.

You shouldn't be either.

Hurry up already

All right, you guys know what to do, all right? Now move, move!

walking, right? And here you are, rousing us again.

Well, the tradition Booger Martin.

And Podowski, too.

Oh, man.

Look at the car down there. See that car?

That car looks like it's been stripped.

You don't see us lugging any parts, do you?

He's lying, officer.

I can prove it.

Push the red button.

Holy smoke.

That looks like a felony being committed.

Oh, yes, that is a felony being committed right there. All right, come

on.

You're going to pay for this, Lawson, you hear me? Shut up, booger.

Oh, look at the tough guys. You guys think you're tough now, huh?

Screw you, Tommy.

We'll be out of jail two hours max. We're going to come looking for you and

funny friends.

Take it easy.

We better get used to it.

If I die, I'm going to die happy.

Speak for yourself.

You shouldn't be seen here.

Yeah, well, this is my neighborhood too.

Big Mo, we gotta talk.

So talk.

I got a problem.

Alright, my boys all got pinched, and I need to raise three grand to bail them

out. Well, I look like a bank.

Oh, Big Mo, you're so mean.

You keep quiet.

Your whole gang, you say, eh?

How did you manage that?

These kids from the neighborhood, growing up to be a real pain in the ass.

One of them, one of them shot a video while we were pulling apart some old

bitty's car, and he gave it to the cops.

Vinnie, I've been trying to bring you along.

Well, now I got to know.

You turn this off, Vinnie.

No, Big Mo.

I ain't turning soft.

Good.

Bring them troublemakers here tomorrow night, man.

I'm going to show you how to handle punks. Count me out three grand.

Feed him. Oh, yeah, well.

Shut up and enjoy it later, because we got work to do, all right?

Hey, Vinnie, how'd you make a belt so fast?

I got big motorspring for it, bud.

Aw, I never knew you cared.

Oh, you're a comedian, Booger.

You're a real fucking comedian.

Get out of here.

Capping out the vipers.

These are the twerps that got the guy's pitch.

A photographer.

What are your names?

I asked a goddamn question.

My name is Tommy Larson.

And this is Bill. What's the matter with your pals that can't talk for

themselves? You.

Your name?

His name is Freddy.

Why now?

You're going to get off with a warning.

I want you to keep your mouth shut.

What do you say?

I say Vinnie better bet he's a rat bastard who belongs in a jail cell.

We got ourselves a tough guy.

You should think about coming to work for me.

Doing what Vinnie does?

Robbing people breaking heads?

For a living.

I don't think so.

I got to figure out what to do with you.

All right, now. I got business.

Is that the last of it?

Yeah.

Hold these down.

What do you want?

In the back. We'll count it out later tonight.

Yo, Big Mo. Yeah. Drive your pals to hold up outside.

Let them wait.

I want you to take these punks in the storm. I want you to tie them up real

good. Then I want you to get lost because I got business now, huh?

Got any more bright ideas?

I've almost got it loose.

Come on.

Work it for me, Freddy.

I just want to go home.

Come on, you want to die?

Hey, Tommy, what's all this?

They're number slips.

If something were to happen to these, they'd really screw up Big Mo's

I just want to get out of here.

I don't care about any stupid pieces of paper.

No, no, listen. Who's ever got a bet here could say they picked any number at

all, and Big Mo won't be able to tell if they're telling the truth or not.

So you have to pay them all off. Look, it's one thing having the Vipers mad at

us, but Big Mo's in a whole different league.

He's right, Tommy.

They're coming!

Um, we can get out through there.

Hurry down here. I ain't got all day.

Don't make him do it. He's crazy. Hey, stop.

Hey, stop.

Come on, kid. We don't need him.

Come on, Tommy.

You're crazy.

Open the door. What is with you?

Come on. Come on. Get a

nice surprise for you.

Everything. My slips?

Everything. My slips?

Everything. Jesus Christ!

Get them back!

All right, all right, all right.

Them punk you brought over?

They got loose.

I mean, they live here. Where are they going to go?

They took my slip.

You hear me?

My slip.

Holy shit.

Yeah.

And seeing as they're from your turf, it kind of makes it your responsibility.

The only way that I can see them making it up is by working it off.

Whatever you say, Big Mom.

Yeah.

You want me to take care of it like this?

What?

You ain't up for it, kid?

Man, it's taking forever.

Well, you got a fucking problem with it, Booker? Because if you do, you can take

it right to Big Mo, because this is coming straight from her. Just take it

okay?

Just take it easy.

Oh, man.

Look where they are.

It's all right.

We don't have much further to go.

If Maya and Lacey catch us sneaking in at this hour... Don't worry, Freddy.

After this is over, you're gonna be a hero.

Now goddamn do it now do it now

fucking sacks.

Oh, you did good, Vinnie.

Broke your cherry, huh?

Why, what, you getting a case of the nerves?

Look, them punks we whacked, I mean, they were just kids, you know?

I was just thinking about what would have happened if we got pinched.

Whacked?

I thought you were just going to rough him up a bit. That's right. Then he just

gave him a couple of slaps, you know, gave him a bunch of wax, that's all.

is this? You think we go around killing kids all year long? What he said.

Yeah, well, you just forget about what he said, huh?

Yeah, now you go on now, huh?

I've got business.

Okay. Hey.

Take her home. Okay, okay. I just got a little scared.

It's all right. Okay.

Anybody.

It's a pinch, Vinnie. It's going to be you, so don't go turning punk on me now.

I need you.

This is bad. This is really fucking bad.

You did what you had to do.

Now that I see you can handle it, I'm going to make you my right -hand man in

the neighborhood, huh?

You'd like that, wouldn't you, Vinnie?

Sure, I'd like that.

Yeah, sure you would, because you're a smart kid.

and your job's going to be making sure that everyone in the neighborhood that

does business with us pays us a percentage.

Yeah. Think you can handle that?

Yeah, I can handle it.

Yeah, oh.

Yeah, look at that.

Come here.

I want you to go get yourself some clothes. You're working for me now.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

And, oh, I want you to watch your mouth around Nancy, huh?

She was a sensitive girl, honey.

Big Mom.

What has happened here, Sally?

They're dead, Mr. Sumatra.

Who's dead?

Tommy and Bill and that new kid. Their dad just murdered.

Thank you.

Please accept my condolence, Mr. Lawton.

This is a most very tragic loss.

Truly like a dagger in my liver.

Sally.

Yeah, my boys.

What trouble you've gotten yourself into now.

Oh, well.

Nothing to do but this.

Hey, look, I just want to talk, okay?

I have nothing to say to you, Vinnie. Just hear me out, please.

Look, I just wanted to let you know that I'm really sorry about what happened to

Tommy Larson.

Yeah, right.

You hated Tommy Larson.

Sure, I was pissed at the guy, but I didn't want him dead.

You weren't asked to funeral.

I didn't exactly feel welcome.

You know, and then I got to thinking about what would have happened if the

thing had happened to me, and...

I just didn't like the idea.

What I'm trying to tell you is that I've gone straight.

Yeah, right.

You can laugh if you want.

I'm going to go to night school, become a businessman, learn how to steal a

million on a legal leg.

Look, I'm just kidding, all right?

Could you smile for me, please?

You've got a beautiful smile, you really do.

Good afternoon.

What's up with that freak?

Don't you dare say anything bad about Mr. Sumatra.

I wasn't going to.

Then say you're sorry.

I'm sorry.

Okay?

You happy now?

Mrs. Berkowitz, what a pleasant surprise.

Mr. Sumatra, there's been a terrible stench.

coming from your reporter.

As you can see,

this cat has not been well at all.

That is the source of that terrible stench.

But please, be patient.

The doctor of cats has predicted that he will soon be bursting with health.

Good night.

Until tomorrow.

I think it needs a little more fourth grader and some dead cat.

Here's a nice fat pussy cat for seasoning, my boys.

As fat as you please.

Now that's some tasty kitty cat food.

Hmm, needs more nutmeg.

Oh, Flavor Flav's adding some more flavor in.

Open those here.

Now, my boys, it's time for your awakening.

In the most high name of the most high spirit, in

the name of the most high...

Lion of Judea, Haile Selassie, in the name of the Most High

Duvalier and the Tantant Makut, I command you,

awaken!

Awaken!

But have we here the defusable?

How rare!

I can't feel my body.

You're a spirit animating flesh now, Tommy.

Behold, Bill and Freddy are here with you, too.

I command you to awaken, William.

I command you to awaken.

Maybe he'd rather stay dead, Mr. Demantra.

Nonsense. Nonsense, Tommy.

I shall entice him.

Eat the wizzle. Eat the wizzle. Now.

He awakens.

He awakens, Tommy.

Eat it. Eat it. Eat it now.

Eat the... Gross.

Sponge. Sponge.

Wake in, Freddy. I command you.

What was that?

You were drawing electricity from the air, Tommy.

It stimulated him.

Look out! They have guns!

It's okay, Freddy.

It's all over now.

I feel so weird.

I feel like... Tom, are we dead?

You're no longer dead, Freddy.

I have boiled you...

And I have lovingly dried you. I have.

Yeah, I made it in the shrunken head.

Thanks a lot, Mr. Sumatra.

Ah, William.

You have awakened fully.

This is so bad.

This is so bad.

I want to see my Aunt Lacey.

I won't be like this. I'd rather be dead.

William, you cannot mean such a thing.

If being this way means laying out on a table all the time.

Yeah, he means it.

You three will have the power to soar the heavens.

How do we do that?

Are you going to get a golf club and knock us around?

You may have lost everything below your chin, William, but not your sense of

humor. Yeah, right.

So hear me now.

Powerful and unknown abilities await your discovery.

I shall guide you.

Into this new and remarkable existence.

Hey! Hey!

Oh, no!

Use your mind.

Use your mind to stay in the air.

Great timing. Great.

Good. Come to me, children.

Come to me now.

Here in my condominium, you will be safe.

Revenge will be your success.

And as your thirst for vengeance grows and blossoms and all traces of your

humanity begin to vanish, you will find yourself not only able to fly, but to

go.

Lies when you're flying head.

Well, what do you know, Mr. Larson?

Is it that time of the month already?

Yeah, you don't mind, do you? It's really hot out there.

Just take it and go.

The sight of you makes me want to vomit.

Nice to see you, too.

Hey, there's 1 ,900 in there.

We'll get the rest in the morning.

You handle that thing yet with Mr. Sumatra?

Oh, Mr. Sumatra, no, not yet.

What's wrong with you?

That old freak is the only son of a bitch in the neighborhood who ain't

back a percentage.

You know how I hate being near that guy, right?

Look, Booger, you do your job, or I'll find somebody who can. Okay, okay.

Jesus. Get out.

Get out of here.

awaken, my children.

Are you ready to be tested?

Yes, Master.

So go now. Fly.

Rise into the night and do as you've been taught.

And may all of your dreams come true.

My dear, dear...

Big, juicy leg. Big butt.

You're a creep.

You're a creep.

Still going first. Still going first.

The change is coming faster now.

The Master said our first kill would quicken the transformation.

And as we continue to nurture our hate, the loss of our humanity will quicken

evermore. You will now await my return.

The pastor was right.

There's nothing more for us in this world now except for revenge.

Have you

drawn blood, my children?

We have found evil doers.

May you do evil no more.

Excellent. Excellent.

My wonderful boys.

My just and wonderful boys.

A new and

frightening disease seems to be attacking local criminals throughout the

Hello? Yeah, I just got out of class now.

They give you a ton of homework also?

Well, there's a movie later. I thought maybe you'd like to go to it.

Okay, I'll pick you up around 7.

Okay, bye, Vinny.

All right, bye -bye.

Are you still pulling that girl's cane?

Hey, a guy's got to do what a guy's got to do, huh?

Yeah, well, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Telling her you're still in school.

Hey, Vinny, what movie are you going to see, huh?

Don't you fucking worry about what movie, booger, all right?

What you ought to be worried about... is what I'm going to do to you if I hear

you ain't taking care of that Sumatra thing yet.

Look, I'm telling you, man, that guy's into a real bad scene, all right?

I can't believe that you're actually afraid of a broken -down old loser like

that. What the hell's wrong with you?

You tell him, Vinny.

Maybe you think it's a little thing, right?

Maybe you think it's a little thing, huh?

I don't think it's a little thing, okay, booger? You know why?

Because it's a principle.

I don't think it's no little thing, Vinny.

If I have to ask you again, all right, I just might lock you up in a closet with

that old fucking freak. Now, how would you like that, huh? All right, I'll take

care of it.

Lighten up.

Go.

Get out of here.

You're learning, kid.

I and mines want to know, Mr. Butler. Oh, Mr.

Sumatra.

And what do you malefactors want? Relax, Mr. Sumatra. This ain't gonna take

long, all right?

I gotta admit, Mr. Sumatra, it's been awful peaceful around here lately.

No burglary, no robberies, nothing being run on the shopkeepers.

You mean the shopkeepers who pay for protection?

Well, yeah, we do a pretty good job.

And now you.

Come to me for payment?

Look, Mr. Sumatra, you've been benefiting. Why shouldn't you pay like

else, right?

Because I am the one who will pluck out your tongue with bowl

cutters and roast them.

And I shall take your brain and chill them for the purposes of garnishment.

Those are some pretty good reasons, huh, Booger?

Yeah.

Oh, man, did you see that?

I didn't see nothing. I don't care no more. I'm out of here. I don't care no

more. Where are you going, man?

Fuck me, man. Fuck him. I told him Mr. Sumatra was into a bad scene and let him

take care of it himself.

I don't fucking care no more. I don't fucking care.

Hey, wait up, Boog.

Two of your enemies were here moments ago.

the malfactors.

Now.

Hey, man, let me hang at your pad tonight.

I don't know.

Come on, be a pal.

My mom won't let me in the house.

Your old mom won't let you in the house?

Yeah, she said I scare her.

All right, come on, asshole.

Hey, thanks, bud. Thanks a lot.

Hey, so, Book, don't you want to watch TV or something?

No, man.

I got to take a shower.

Don't be whining when I turn it off, either.

I got to get some sleep.

I don't want to have to keep seeing that old bastard's face no more.

I just don't want to, Vinny.

I just don't want to, Vinny.

You think that's funny?

Oh, look, come on, Sally. You know how I feel about you, right?

That's not the point. I'm just not ready.

What do you mean you're not ready? I mean, you're almost 16, right?

Look, Vinny, if you can't wait, then maybe you better find yourself another

girlfriend.

All right.

Walk home.

I will.

I hope you get run over, you dumbass little bitch.

And the reports of sightings of flying heads keep flying in. Now, back to the

static show.

Hey, Boogerman, you still in there?

I've been in there for three hours.

Oh, I should fall asleep in here.

Damn, this water's freezing.

You okay, bud?

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

Sumatra!

Friggin' Moulin Yard.

Sumatra, get out of here. I want to talk to you.

What do you want, doomed one?

Hey, who are you calling doomed?

I'll break your goddamn head. Now listen, I'm looking for Booger and Pud.

And I know that you've seen them because they were on their way over here to see

you. Your friends are suffering the torments of hell for their terrible

Soon it will be your turn.

Sins, what do you know about my sins?

Your friends are in the alley over there.

All right.

All right.

See you later, Afropop.

What do you two idiots think you're doing?

You think this is funny?

Hey, Vinny.

What's happening?

Want to help us weed the garden?

Mr. Pumatra wants to do you now.

Hi, Tommy.

I know I haven't busied you lately, but I never forget about you.

I wish I had the courage to tell you how I really felt.

I guess I was afraid you would laugh.

So I'm going to tell you now.

I love you, Tommy.

Even when we were little, I think I loved you.

I wish you were here so badly.

I am here, Sally.

Don't be afraid, Sally.

It's me.

It's me, Tommy.

Oh, my God, no!

Mr. Sumatra brought me back from the dead.

It was Vinnie who murdered me, Sally. No, I can't believe this. I won't.

I will show you, Sally.

I will implant my memories inside your skull and you will know the truth.

Bear witness, Sally.

Bear witness as my life was so cruelly torn from me in the prime of my youth.

Mr. Sumatra came to where I lie awaiting burial, severing my head from my

corpse. He prepared my head so that it could receive my restless, wandering

spirit once more.

And when he raised me from the dead...

Now you know what happened that night, Sally.

Our love was cut short.

Oh my god, Tommy.

Let me be close to you now, Sally.

Let us share a last embrace.

How can we do that?

I will show you, Sally.

Ah! Tommy, what are you doing?

God, I can't stand it.

Tommy, wait.

Tommy, come back, please.

Who was at my door there?

Wow, who's your decorator? Colonel Sanders?

I want to see Tommy Worthy.

My girl, you're suffering from delusions.

I'm coming in.

How do you... I've been at my condo.

Thirsty, perhaps?

Don't play dumb with me, Mr. Sumatra.

I saw Tommy with my own eyes.

And he showed me things. I don't know how, but he did.

Have a seat, Sally, please.

He said Vinny Benedetti killed him.

That is true.

I dated Vinny for nearly a year. If you knew he was the killer, why didn't you

warn me?

Good and wholesome girls in their teens experience loving feelings in their

hearts for evildoers, Sally.

But my three boys will avenge.

Wait a second. How many are there?

You think, Tommy?

Behold, you three together.

Jesus God in heaven, Mr. Smodger, how could you be so cruel?

Cruel? It is. It's the cruelest thing there ever was.

No, no, no, Sally.

For these boys are no longer human in any sensitive way.

These beings that you confront now shed no tears, have no sympathy, nor do they

suffer, Sally.

What animates them now is the desire for revenge.

I refuse to believe that.

Tommy was too good of a person.

He cared about people. He believed in doing the right thing.

Until it got him killed.

He was a fine boy.

That is true, but... His body may be dead, but Tommy's spirit, that's a

different thing altogether.

Nothing can touch that.

Perhaps you're right, my child.

Love can do many strange and wonderful things.

Forgive me, Sally.

I know I disgust you now.

No, it was just the shock of seeing you like that.

But you're so tall to me.

And if you disgusted me, I wouldn't be able to do this.

Never have I seen a herd of a human head made so small to show

affection of this sort.

I told you Tommy Spirit wouldn't just roll over and die.

Wow. I think her boobs shrink, too.

We'll leave you alone to afford you privacy.

Oh, it's you, Vinny! Let me go! Let me go! Vinny!

Ah!

Ah! Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Mr.

Sumatra wants to see you now, Vinny! Ah!

man. Call these fucking things off, man. I swear to God I'll do anything.

Please.

Oh, shit!

Mr. Sumatra wants to boil your head, Vinny. Come on.

It'll be fun.

Is that really the uniform they wore in the Tauntaun Makut?

Well, yes, my child.

And I wore it proudly back in my homeland.

So, what's the big occasion?

Tonight, I wish to settle all the counts.

Are you anxious?

Yeah, but I have a lot of faith in you.

What do you have cooking in here now?

A special recipe for Vinnie and his evil comrade, Big Mo.

Is there anything I could do to help?

Not yet.

But are you ready, Sally, for capital punishment?

Haitian style.

Capital punishment?

I don't know.

What would I have to do?

Before we proceed, I must ask you something.

Take care of your answer, for this is very, very important.

I must know now, Sally, is your maidenhead intact?

If you're asking if I'm a virgin, yeah, I am.

Only a female who has never had a male member inside of her body

can complete this particular spell.

You aren't going to sacrifice me or anything, are you?

Of course not, my dear child.

Go into my bedroom and dress in the gown in my closet, and I will

wait for you here.

I only wish my old comrades in the political section were alive to see you

this moment.

They would be greatly charmed.

Thank you, Mr. Sumatra.

Oh, I didn't know Ray Charles played the horn.

It's no big deal. Pull on me. Oh, pull on me.

Booger and Pud are dead.

They're fucking dead.

They got wet, but now they're walking around fucked up, and now they want to

fuck me up, just like they were all fucked up, okay? Tell me, who's dead?

Booger and Pud. It was the fucking heads.

What's that you're talking about, heads?

Heads, little heads. They're flying around.

They got ponytails. They got teeth. They got bugged out eyes.

They belong to Mr. Sumatra. They're little and they're brown. They're flying

around. They're chasing me all over the freaking place. And that ain't the worst

of it.

At first, they were all messed up, booger and pud, right? But now they're

freaking messed up. I mean, they got skin falling over their face. They're

chasing me around everywhere.

They got maggots falling off out of their mouth.

They got the light.

They got the lights and they're coming after me.

Listen, Vinnie, I think you've been under a lot of stress lately. I think,

know, I know this beautiful little broad. She's got a condo down in

don't believe me? You stupid bitch, they're coming for us. We're all going

there. Hey, get out of here. Get out of here. No, I'm not.

I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not.

I'm not.

Lieutenant Colonel Aristide Pierre.

Defeat Samatra.

Defeat Samatra. Defeat Samatra.

Retired. You now will be bound over to my condominium for zombification.

Kill the old man!

Sally! Sally!

Look, you've got to call these things off. I mean, talk to Mr. Martin to get

these things off of me.

Sorry, Vinnie. You're going to have to answer for Tommy.

Yeah, for Christ's sake, please!

Let's do it.

We hold our bitchy shoes off, Sally.

My children.

Remember? Your revenge must be consummated by condominium.

Call them fucking things off now!

There's no power on earth that can save you from your day of reckoning, woman.

Mitzi?

Mitzi, come on out of there.

Everything is going to be all right now, baby. We're going to go on a little

vacation, okay? Let go of my arm. Go get in the car, the two of you, now.

Somebody tell me what is happening.

Huh? Huh? Okay, it's them heads.

Huh? You remember them kids we whacked last year? Those are their heads. And

Sumatra has brought them back from the dead.

No, Mr.

No, no, Vinnie. He's been under a lot of stress lately. He don't know what he's

talking about.

Vinnie may have pulled a trigger, but your gangster friend gave the order.

Keep quiet. Look at the boat. Oh, no.

Just do it.

Shit.

And none of you can hide.

I'd get away this evening.

Not this night.

Oh, Dale, you're going to kill us.

Will you watch out?

Take it easy, kid.

Are you ready for the apocalypse?

faithful shall be cleansed, brothers and sisters.

Cleanse them of the fire of the holy apocalypse.

I almost got her killed, you idiot. Hey, hey, hey, I would rather be killed.

Killed? You're going to be killed than turn into one of the puff bags, Arby.

Demon suicide won't save you, Vinny.

I'm going out of the car.

Pull over. Shut up. Pull over.

Shut up, Miss Vinny. Pull over.

No matter what you do. Shut your friggin' little traitor mouth.

Everybody's lying to you, Vinnie. You're making a mountain out of a molehill

here. Oh, you call it a bunch of dead -ass kids.

Now,

my boy, our enemies are in sight.

You don't want nothing bad to happen to the little girl, and I don't want to be

turned into one of them things.

What was done to these creatures is not for the like of you, woman.

These zombies are able to walk to Earth for a short period of time before they

deteriorate into a brown liquid.

What I have reserved for you is far more permanent.

Well, then let's all go to hell together, huh?

What are you doing?

I'm going to let you hurt no more kids, Big Mo.

Time has come, woman.

Accept your fate.

We'll heal with time.

You're bleeding pretty bad, Mr. Sumatra.

I have healing infusions at my condo.

Sally, we will go there now.

Hey.

What do you want to do with me?

You can go wherever you please, little fleshy one.

All I ask is that you do not reveal what you've seen here this evening.

Don't worry, mister.

Nobody believe this.

Will you be able to fix them like they were?

Of course, Sally.

They're dead, are they not?

Can I ask you a question, Mr. Sumatra?

Go ahead, Sally.

How come you shot that guy when he opened the door?

There's an old Haitian proverb.

When the pantomime coot comes knocking, don't answer the door.

The real work begins.

Bye, Vinnie.

Two bad things didn't work out better.

Hey, Mr. Smudger, where'd Tommy go?

There with the others.

They're just laying here.

They have completed their mission.

Now they sleep until needed again.

You, Sally, as the new high priestess of the Verdun.

We'll be their caretaker. They are yours to take.

You now may begin your incantation on top of page 79.

In the name of the most high Duvalier, in the name of the most benevolent Haile

Selassie, in the name of the Tonton Makut, please heed this virgin who

you for your blessing.

Welcome to Cookin' with Evil with Elvira. And now, here I am, the cherry

of your sundae, your hostess, me, Elvira, Mr. Southern Dark.

You're so welcome.

You know, there is nothing better than a nice hot bowl of mumbo jumbo gumbo to

get you going in the morning.

And going in the afternoon and going to the bathroom all night.

Just keep those heads bubbling in your crackpot for a year, add blood, and

serve. You'll find these and other Haitian voodoo recipes in Mr. Sumatra's

Cooking with Kids.

In it, you'll find dozens of recipes for kids of all ages. You'll find recipes

for bratwurst, small fries, children's chow mein, shish kebab.

Children con carne, kid casserole, toddler tartare, rug ratatouille, and

and kidney pie.

You'll also find dessert recipes full of youth to rot your sweet tooth, like

kitty cookies, fray lean preteen ice cream, boysenberry pie, made with real

boys, and everyone's favorite, chocolate -covered children.

Here's how to order.

Just send 999 plus 999 to 999 9th Street, Offspring, Colorado, 9999.

Well, that's our show. You can stick a fork in me because I'm done.

Join us next time on Cooking with Evil when we'll be making bambino with bamboo

shoots. Until then, remember, don't forget to marinate your minors and

unpleasant dreams.

Thank you.

Can I have some chocolate?

Yeah, sure.

Hey, is this guy's lifetime gone?

Let me take a shortcut.

Jesus, what's that?