All language subtitles for cybill_s02e06_nice_work_if_you_can_get_it

All right, everybody, let's have a warm
welcome for the cast of CBS's new hit

sitcom, Hello, Dickie!

Playing Dickie's dad, Raymond Lenny!

Playing Dickie's brother, Richard
Fittimar Black!

Playing Dickie's ex -wife and boss,
Sybil Sheridan!

And playing Dickie Johnson, making his
triumphant return to television, the

master of comedy, the one and only Mr.

Dick Van Patten!

Thank

you

so much for taking a chance on me. You
deserve it. I just hope you're ready to

be rich and famous.

Well, I'm willing to give it a shot.

Let's hear it for the cast of Hello,
Dickie!

Love Dickie.

I don't know how I'm going to do the
show without him.

What do you mean it's canceled?

Just because he's dead?

Come on, we can work around that. We'll
say his character went out of town and

call it Dickie's family.

Or prop him up on the couch and call it
Dickie's napping.

What?

It's only television.

But they're still going to pay me for
the rest of the season, right?

But I have a contract and I've already
spent the money.

Well, I had my car fixed and my roof was
leaking, so I'm getting it retiled.

They have to pay me.

They don't have to pay me?

Act of God?

Oh, God. Hold on.

Stop! Stop the work!

Problem? Yes. I just found out I can't
afford this.

Interesting.

Okay, pack it up.

You can't leave me with no roof. At
least put the old broken tiles back on.

could do that.

For 2 ,000 bucks.

How about some homemade banana bread?

Okay. Saddle up.

good reason why sybil can't have her own
show arthur arthur i said

one all right let's do lunch listen to
me arthur you find a job for me you find

it fast what do you mean how you're an
agent figure it out that's telling him

marianne there's a lesson to be learned
here never pick an agent off a matchbook

cover you're gonna be okay pal

I was Brenda Depp Peter's understudy for
three years on Broadway.

Did she die?

No. I was first runner -up to Sissy
Eubanks in the Miss Teenage America

Did she die?

No.

Now that I really need somebody to live,
what happens?

He dies.

Croaks faster than a frog in a frying
pan.

Cox, you're up, so you lost a job.

You've lost jobs before.

Lots of jobs.

You're constantly losing jobs.

Thanks, Maria. I feel better now.

Well, if you really want to feel better,
you need to pick yourself up, dust

yourself off, and go buy something
ridiculously expensive.

Don't you understand what it means when
a person has no money?

Of course I do. It means you need to go
to the bank and get some more.

There is no more.

The series was going to get me out of
the hole.

Now I've spent money I won't get from a
job I don't have on a roof that's not

there. Well, if that's all that's
bothering you, why don't I give you some

money? I have scads, you know.

Here you are.

I can't take your money. Don't think of
it as my money. Think of it as my ex

-husband's life's blood.

I really appreciate the offer, but... I

promise I'll pay you back.

Don't worry about it. But it's not a
gift. It's a loan.

A loan? Oh, I don't know. You don't seem
like such a good credit risk.

Seven percent interest.

Eight and a half.

Seven and a half.

I'll get my checkbook.

And thanks for doing business at the
Bank of Marriott.

Ha! I would have paid eight.

Hey, how come the roof guys left?

Creative differences.

How was school?

Large and brick -like.

Listen, I need $200 tomorrow.

Why? The school ski trip. Remember, I
have to give them my deposit.

Oh, yeah, I promised I'd pay for that.

But, honey...

My job situation has changed.

It's because of that dead guy, isn't it?

Why can't you just do the show without
him?

Zoe, how could you say that?

Listen, we just have to pull together
and tighten our belt.

Is there anything I can do to help?

How about knocking off a liquor store
for old mom?

Don't say it if you don't mean it.

It'll be fine.

Here you go, pal.

Don't spend it all on one roof.

Oh, Marianne, I really appreciate the...

But I will pay you back. Stop, Pish.
What are friends for?

Now take me to lunch.

No way, you big mooch.

I'm not very hungry. I'll just take a
small dinner salad.

Sybil, it's on me.

Followed by a New York steak, a baked
potato, and what the hell, throw in a

couple of lobster tails.

Oh, a club sandwich. Club sandwich for
the gentleman and the fatty Arbuckle

special for the lady.

you don't have to buy lunch for me. No
matter what Zoe said, things aren't that

bad. Well, I figured she was
exaggerating when she claimed you didn't

roof over your head.

Well, actually, that part's true.

But I've taken care of it.

How? I've taken care of it. Come on,
Sib. Where'd you get the money?

I borrowed it from Marianne.

Oh, wow.

Big mistake. Huge mistake.

Why didn't you just go to the mafia?

Sib, well, money and friends don't mix.
Everyone knows that. Why didn't you come

to me?

Because I have a brain.

Didn't you ever wonder why I wouldn't
take alimony from you? Of course. But

every time I tried to bring it up, my
lawyer kicked me in the shin.

I still can't wear Bermuda shorts.

I didn't take alimony from you because,
number one, I was working and I didn't

need it. And number two, of what it
would have symbolized to you.

What are you talking about?

Look, Ira, when we got married, you
moved into my house that I paid for. But

when you started making more money than
me, you thought I gave you the right to

call all the shots. What car we bought,
where we went on vacation.

You even tried to tell me what drapes to
pick out.

I had a cousin in the business.

The point is, with you, money means
control.

That's not true.

Didn't I always let you spend your
allowance any way you wanted?

Let's stop talking about this before I
say something I'll regret you pompous

ass. Oops, too late.

Okay, fine. Forgive me for trying to
help. I just hope you know what you're

doing with Mary Ann.

Well, she's a lot of things.

Eccentric, erratic.

Vengeful, psychotic.

But at least I can depend on her to lend
me the money with those strings

attached.

She's not a control freak like some
people I know.

Just put those tiles over there.

No, on second thought, I think they
should go over there.

Marianne, what? Just a minute.

Funny, I never get tired of that.

Who are these men? What happened to the
roofers I hired? Oh, I had to let them

go. You let them go?

Darling, they were gouging you, and they
refused to renegotiate. So you let them

go? Well, I thought since I really am
the one who's paying for this.

Here are the color samples for the
inlay.

Definitely that one. I didn't order an
inlay. It's just a little embellishment.

A simple sunburst in baby blue.

Sunburst? On the roof?

I got them to throw it in for free. A
plain tile roof is so prefab, don't you

think? But I don't want a baby blue
sunburst on my roof.

I don't want anything baby blue on my
roof.

Well, I suppose we could ask for pink.

Here I am. It's my roof.

Let's not quibble over technicalities.
Listen, your agent called.

We had a very interesting chat.

About what?

Your career choices.

Did you actually turn down a Japanese
cigarette commercial?

Yes, I turned down Yokohama Slim.

It is morally wrong to help sell
cigarettes.

Sybil.

Sybil, Sybil, Sybil.

hardly think someone in your financial
situation is in a position to have

What?

And another thing, I want to talk to you
about your phone bill. You're never

going to be able to pay me back if you
keep accepting collect calls from every

Tom, Dick, and grandmother.

My phone bill is none of your business.
And what are you doing opening my mail?

Darling, you asked for financial help.
I'm giving you financial help. And

clearly it was a mistake. I'm going to
pay you back as soon as possible.

the paper?

What are you doing?

I'm going to find a job.

No kidding.

What can you do?

I mean, besides acting.

Marianne, there are lots of things out
there for a person like me to do. You'll

see, this is going to take me places
I've never been before.

The swordfish is an excellent choice.
Would you like baked potato or rice

Gee, let me think about that.

You'll eat what I bring you.

Oh, waitress.

You're not my only customer, ma 'am.

I know, but the rice is a bit clumpy.

I prefer it fluffy.

Oh, please.

Allow me to fluff it up for you.

How's that?

Oh, Sybil, this is so unbecoming.

Degrading yourself just to make a silly
point. I'm not degrading myself.

I'm working to pay you back. Besides, I
really like being a waitress.

Uh -huh, and I really like... What's
that thing you do to take the wrinkles

of your clothes?

It's called ironing, Leona.

Fibble, could you take table six? I have
to do a Caesar on four.

I'll tell you what.

I'll trade you for the bald guy on two.
He keeps trying to put his hands on my

ass. Oh, him?

It's all talk.

Look, what can I say? I love the
Jurassic Park 2 script. It's just

cast a woman.

I mean, where are we going to find a
blonde, funny, 40s, ex -beauty queen

completely unknown?

Who's a Caesar?

That's Steven Spielberg.

And he's got a part that's perfect for
me. I can't let him see me like this.

Quick, quick, the apron, the apron.

Okay, let's go. Here, here, wait, put
this on. Oh, okay.

Okay, all right. Okay.

Is anyone using this chair?

No.

Good.

Look, Steve.

Excuse me.

Are you our waitress? I'd like some more
iced tea.

Do I look like a waitress?

I'm an actress.

I don't want to waste your time.

But I've heard the type you want for
Jurassic 2.

I'd like to point out to you that
sometimes exactly what you're looking

right under your nose.

You know, she's absolutely right.

You better believe I'm right.

Then why are we killing ourselves
looking for an unknown?

We just had lunch with Goldie Hawn
yesterday.

Let's use her.

Thanks. What were you saying?

I hated Hook.

So, how'd it go?

I think I got Goldie Hawn another job.

I just met Steven Spielberg.

Congratulations. I told him he was a
hack.

Oh, my, I guess you do like waitressing.

Check, please.

Why don't we just take it off my tab?

Oh, for God's sake. Sybil, I'm sorry.

I was just trying to help you.

You're the one who insisted on turning
it into a business transaction.

Were you the one who thought that meant
you could turn my roof into a helipad?

Fine, have a boring roof.

Just take off those ridiculous clothes
and let's go do something fun.

Come on, let's go cruising for dumb
guys.

No, things aren't the same between us.
Until I pay you back, we can't be equal.

But darling, we are equal. I just have
money, status, and power while you

have... What is that you have again?

I have my pride.

This tray.

And my pride.

And I have this job.

Sybil, I just heard. It's so unfair.

What?

Oh, you don't know, do you?

We're out of snapper.

I'm fired, aren't I? If you hurry, you
can still use your employee discount on

drinks.

Quick, two double vodkas.

You want anything?

We have a day.

Graveline tour.

We're going to ride around in a hearse
and see where all those famous people

killed.

And then I was going to take you out for
yogurt.

Oh, sorry, Dad, but I have to work.

You got a job? Where?

The burger barn.

Oh, paper hat job, huh?

What do they have you doing?

Hmm. What can I tell you that you can't
already smell in my hair?

Would you like a lid on that?

Hey, I'm really proud.

You weren't listening, were you?

It's great for a kid your age to be
working.

Teaches responsibility, builds
character.

Shortens childhood.

I remember my first job. Oh, it was
brutal.

Fifteen years old, working as a pool boy
in the Hamptons.

You must still wake up screaming.

Hey, it may sound cushy, but those beach
chairs are heavy. They were wooden back

then, not these flimsy plastic jobs they
use now.

We also had to wash all the towels.

I'll never complain again.

Hey, can I give you a ride at least?

Um...

I'd rather you didn't. I told them you
were dead.

Sylvie, how many times have I asked you
not to tell people I'm dead?

Well, you got me the job.

Oh, okay. But this is the last time.

So where's your mom?

At work.

Where's she working this week?

I'm not sure. She said something about
working with animals.

Jeez. I wish she'd find a job she liked.

Well, she did like working at the post
office, but then she had to quit because

the guy next to her got a little jumpy.

Ah, working at the post office. That
really takes me back. There was this one

guy... Dad, I'd love to hear about it,
but just remember, life is finite.

Hey, Sean, pick up.

I got the job!

Yeah, that fake ID you got me worked
like a charm.

So, can you give me a ride?

Thanks.

But don't come up to the house, okay?
I'll sneak out and meet you at the

of the hill.

Yeah, I love you, too.

No, I'm not just saying that. Geez, what
kind of liar do you think I am?

Mighty Graham.

Yes, you know it's your birthday.

You know it's your birthday today.

And just because a female has to do this
birthday birthday,

have a really great birthday.

Cheap bastard.

It's a jungle out here.

it was me.

Process of elimination.

Dad's gorilla suit is at the cleaners.

Oh, goody! More bill!

Pick a number from one to ten.

Uh, three.

Okay.

And who's the lucky winner in the who's
gonna be paid sweet steaks this week?

The gas company!

Yay!

Here.

What, are you billing me now, too?

Eighty dollars?

I got a job so I could pitch in.

You got a job where?

The burger barn.

I sell heart disease on a bun.

Oh, Zoe, you didn't have to do that.

This must be your whole paycheck.

No, I cut the little.

Anyway, I get a raise if I finish deep
fat training.

Oh, honey, this is very sweet. Mother,
you can't keep me from paying my own way

around here. It's important to me.

I'd be honored.

I am so proud to have you as my
daughter.

Mom? Yes, sweetheart?

I'll give you another 20 bucks if you'll
stop hugging me.

You owe me 20 bucks.

I have to get to work.

They're letting me melt the lard
tonight.

Zoe, see if they have any other
openings.

Hi, Marianne. Zoe. Hi, Mom.

Hi. Hi, Marianne. Magilla?

Go ahead. Give it your best shot. I
wasn't going to say a word.

Aren't you afraid you might get arrested
for impersonating a French woman?

Laugh all you want, but I got $12 in
tips today.

Here, be more, but it cost a fortune to
dry clean this thing.

Thank you.

I have something for you, too.

What?

A million dollars.

I want to buy back our friendship.

You can't buy back our friendship.

Is this good?

Of course not.

I was trying to make a point.

that you can't put a price on our
friendship.

Actually not, but that's better than my
point, so let's go with it.

I feel the same way, but it doesn't
change the fact that I still owe you

I'd call the damn money a gift, but I
know how much it would offend you.

Hold on, let's not be hasty.

We can't call the loan a gift, but I
could, out of friendship to you, accept

gift and use it to repay the loan.

Hmm.

Convoluted, self -deceiving, irrational.

I'm surprised I didn't think of it.

Deal.

You're a little overdue for that dry
cleaning, aren't you?

Oh,

go pong, please.

It's a nice little watering hole. I've
never been here before. Hi, Marianne.

Black martini, two olives coming up.

Apparently I was mistaken.

Good news.

I got a commercial to do.

Congratulations!

But without your help, I probably would
have never made it to the audition.

Here. What's this?

Well, you gave me a gift, so I'm giving
you a gift, and I may give you a gift

every day until my gift equals your
gift, or for the rest of my natural

whichever comes first.

I never want anything to get in the way
of our friendship.

That could never happen, pal, because
you're the gorilla in my dreams.

Excuse me. Your table's ready.

Thank you.

Do you know what?

The real revelation is Zoe.

Who would have thought she'd take a
crummy job at a fast food joint just to

me out?

She's the same.

The poor girl is probably working her
fingers to the bone.

I'll have a burger and fries to go,
please. And hold the crab.