All language subtitles for Eight Is Enough s04e05 The Devil and Mr Bradford

Dad? Dad?

Oh, yes?

We have to talk.

Oh, sounds serious, Nicholas.

It is.

Oh, well, what's on your mind?

Inflation.

Inflation? Oh, yes, that is a very
serious problem.

I don't know what to do. I just can't
make ends meet. Yeah, well, we're all

feeling the pinch nowadays, Nicholas.

However, there is a solution.

It's called conservation.

Is that the same as raising my
allowance?

No, it isn't the same at all.

I didn't think it was going to be.

Conservation is one way of getting the
most out of what we already have.

It means spending money on only the
things that you really need and cutting

on those things that you don't.

I mean, it's a wonderful thing. You try
it and you'll see that it's amazing at

how far you can stretch one little
dollar.

Really? Oh, yes. It works. Trust me. The
sooner you start, the better. Well,

I'll start right away.

That's terrific, Nicholas.

Will you help out?

Of course.

Great. I need one little dollar.

It's a portrait of the happiness that
we'll

and always will.

We'll wait enough to fill our lives with
love.

Oh, we spend our days like bright and
shiny new dawn.

If we're ever puzzled by the changing
time.

There's a plate of homemade wishes on
the kitchen window

sill.

And it is enough.

Yeah, right down the street.

Can you believe it?

Yeah, they're playing Snow White.

All right, Dad.

Hey, look, Barry, I gotta go.

Nicholas!

Nicholas!

Johnny, Nicholas is the short one, Dad.
Oh, that's very funny, Johnny. He was

supposed to be down here ten minutes
ago. We have an important appointment.

Could we talk about it later, Dad? I've
got a job interview, and I'm really

late. You have a job interview?

That's terrific.

What's the job? What's the company?

Why don't we talk about it later?

I'm sure. Get serious.

Larry Nesbitt actually saw it?

Give me a break.

Tommy, give me a break, please.

Nicholas!

Yeah, Nicholas is exactly ten and a half
years old today, and that's...

It's kind of the age that you become a
man around the Bradford house.

Well, yeah, I guess it's sort of like a
bar mitzvah, only instead of getting a

party, you get to mow the lawn.

Right. Okay, later.

Finally.

Hello?

Yep, just a second.

Nicholas, Kenny P. Landers.

Why do I get the feeling that this
family has a secret communications code

I'm the only one without security
clearance?

I don't know, Dad. You want me to get
the lawnmower? Yes, I do, but I want it

be a very smooth transition. I want you
to teach him every day until he can

handle the job all by himself.

I know.

You're the teacher. I want you to be as
patient with Nicholas as David was with

you. Hey, no sweat. Anything short of
strangulation, I got it made.

Nicholas! Right, Dad.

Yeah, Kenny, I hit it.

No one will find it in a million years.

You really think that little box is
going to tell us if Marsha's going to

baby?

Well, I guess if it works on people, it
should work on a hamster.

No, no, I didn't call your mom a
hamster, Kenny. I said that... Oh,

I'll call you later. See you.

Nicholas, we're waiting.

Hey, pal, you're just going to mow the
lawn. It's not that bad.

Yeah. Look at it positively.

Accepting the reins of the lawnmower
symbolizes the first step towards

adulthood. Why, Nicholas, before you
know it, you'll be accepting bigger and

more important challenges.

I will?

Oh, absolutely.

Like what?

Like the laundry. Like the lawn... No,
not... Thanks!

Come on, killer, to the gallows.

Hand towels there.

Pretty little guest towels there.

Ugly everyday family towels go there.

Great. No room.

Okay.

Push.

Excuse me.

Congratulations.

Hey, sweetie.

Listen, did I ever thank you for
recommending me?

Last night at the rep company, I once
every ten minutes... Oh, well, excuse

I really do mean it, Laura. You could
have suggested anybody for this job, and

you picked me.

You deserve it. You're the best actress
I ever worked with.

Oh, what a friend.

Thank you.

Listen, are you ever going to let me be
on camera?

Don't count on it. The main thing is
that the hours here don't complete with

repertory company, and the TV station
will look great on your resume when you

join me in New York. Oh, New York. Oh, I
envy you. I wish I could be there right

now. Well, keep this job, save the
money, and we'll be attacking Broadway

you know it. All right, Broadway, here
we come.

Listen, I've got to go. I'll see you at
the rep company this evening. Hold on.

Excuse me. Before you bump into your
boss, Jeff, this is Joni Bradford.

be taking over the research desk.

Jeffrey Trout, weekend anchor,
investigative reporter, muckraker

Three copies.

He'll be working mostly for him.

Bradford, huh?

Are you any relation to Tom Bradford at
the register?

My dad.

Oh, that's something.

He ever tell you that research is
boring, tedious, and very hard work?

Oh, yeah, he's mentioned it a few
hundred times.

Mr. Trout, I know what I'm getting into.
I have no illusions.

Good.

Now, that's a new headache right there.

And you won't mind your first
assignment, Bradford?

No, I won't.

Cream and sugar or black?

Black.

Joanie, well, you couldn't make me
happier or prouder. I tell you the

never wanted to mention this before
because I didn't want to put anybody

any kind of pressure.

But I was always hoping that one of you
might someday choose journalism.

Yeah, well, I think it's great, too,
Dad, I do. But remember, it's just a

still want to be an actress.

I always said that, too.

What? You wanted to be an actress?

Oh, yes, that would have been a very
good one.

But journalism can get into your blood.

You'll see, newspapers can change
people's lives, shape world events.

Yeah, but I'm not working for a
newspaper. I'm working for Jeffrey

remember? Yeah.

Now, remember, that's the only
unfortunate part of the whole thing. Oh,

you're not being fair to him. His
stories are immediate, visual.

Shallow, sensationalistic.

Do I detect a touch of professional
jealousy?

What? Now, why would a professional
journalist ever be jealous over a

professional huckster?

Dad.

Hi,

Abby.

I was just taking a break and, oh, I
thought maybe you could use the company,

you know?

Oh, thanks, Mary, but at the moment I'm
up to my neck in theories of testing.

You know, someone should really do
something about that linen closet.

Uh -huh.

Well, it's either shrinking or the
towels are cloning themselves.

Right.

I mean, Abby, there's no room.

I have to use the fifth shelf, you know,
the high one, the fifth shelf.

Right, the one above the fourth. Right.

That's the one. You know, that would
make a great hiding place if someone

to hide something.

Which someone obviously did, which you
obviously discovered. So would you just

get to the point, Mary?

To the point, right.

Okay, I'm getting to the point, Abby.
It's just that I don't know how to

approach it. I mean, things got a little
touchy around here the last time you

thought you were pregnant.

Pregnant?

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about this.

It's one of those do -it -yourself
testing kits, you know. It tells you

you are or you aren't.

Well, I definitely aren't. It's not
mine.

It isn't? No.

Well, it definitely belongs to somebody
in this house.

Gee, Abby, I... Susan!

Right, I mean, she's staying with us
while Merle's out of town, and... And

is married.

So it must be Susan.

I hope.

So, Nicholas, how was your first lesson
with a lawnmower?

I'd rather talk about something else.

Oh, well, there's nothing like a good
movie to take a man's mind off his

troubles. I mean, imagine Snow White
playing in our neighborhood. It's just

fortunate that I overheard Tommy talking
about it on the telephone.

But it's a kid's movie, Dad.

Oh, nonsense.

It's a classic. It transcends all ages.

What's a classic?

A classic is something that's considered
very good that's been around a long

time.

Yes. No, not like me.

That's not what I mean.

Five dollars.

Boy, oh boy.

Two, please.

Thank you.

Let's go, Nicholas. At these prices, I
don't want to miss a second.

I swear, the last time I came to this
theater, the tickets were only two

dollars.

Keep moving.

Look like you're dead. Don't look back.

And what? I didn't get to see anything.

I certainly hope not. Why?

Because. Because why?

Because just keep moving.

How can you eat with a pornographic
theater in your own neighborhood?

Pass the bread, Dad.

It's absolutely appalling. I mean, to
think that moral turpitude, out -and

decadence is spreading this close to
your own home.

Hey, better late than never.

See this, Abby? And it's even
influencing our children.

It was just a joke, Tom.

Dad, don't you think you're
overreacting?

No, I don't. And what's more, I don't
understand this apathy to the whole

situation. I really don't. I'm sorry,
Dad. We just don't think it's such a big

deal. Well, if it bothers you that much,
Dad, why don't you use the First

Amendment to fight it? Your typewriter's
your best weapon.

Power the press, right?

That's a very good idea, Joanie.

Leave it to the journalistic heir
apparent to turn the tide of emotion

constructive activity.

I'll get to it in a couple of weeks. A
couple of weeks?

I thought you said it was urgent, Dad.

Yeah, out -and -out decadence, remember?

Well, please, I'm writing a six -part
series on urban transportation.

That's important, too.

I can't change horses in midstream now,
can I? That would be irresponsible.

Well, hey, Dad, since Nicholas will be
mowing the lawn soon by himself, I'll

have some free time. Maybe I could help
you out.

Oh, really?

Oh, that's very thoughtful of you,
Tommy.

What could you do?

Research. I kind of always wanted to be
a journalist.

I mean, I could hang around the theater.

Observe. Take notes.

Just trying to help.

Looks like you need a good joke. What's
wrong?

I'll live.

My corporate spying story just got
temporarily shelved. Oh, you didn't like

I loved it. I don't understand.

Ratings, Bradford.

Ratings. Big week is coming up. He
doesn't think this has got enough

impact to get the big numbers.

Well, what kind of story does?

Anything that hits a lot of nerves.
Child abuse, social injustice, political

-off. What about pornography?

Sometimes, sure.

Oh, I sure hit a big nerve on my father
the other evening.

You must have run across something big.

Well...

Well, he kind of stumbled into it. Our
neighborhood theater turned porno, and

didn't know a thing about it until he
took my little brother.

That can hit a lot of nerves.

Yeah.

A lot of nerves.

Is he going to do a column?

Oh, yeah, for sure.

He's not going to do it for a couple
weeks, though. He's got a series to

Joanie, if this story, the pornography
story, were being done on television,

would you handle it?

How would I handle it?

I don't know.

Let me see. Maybe it could happen in
your neighborhood

kind of angle. You know, what kind of
person pushes smut in the neighborhood?

You're catching on, Bradford. I am.
Thanks.

Let's do it. What?

It's just what we're looking for.

Perfect for the ratings period.

My father's doing it. In a week or two.

Do you want me to scoop my own father?

I couldn't do that.

He'd do it to you in a second, kid.

He's a professional.

So are you, I think.

I don't know. I don't know.

Bradford, let me put it to you another
way.

You're still on probation here.

A story like this could cinch you a
permanent job. It might even get you a

at reporting on camera someday.

Think about it.

Nothing major.

Just make it a small, simple ceremony.
Just the family.

Your stomach?

Yeah.

Has it been going on long?

Seems like forever.

Have you told Merle?

Susan, I know I've told you this before,
but, well, if there's ever anything

that you needed to talk to somebody
about, a problem, you know, even though

you're married now, well, you know I'm
still here, don't you?

I know, Abby.

I mean, from my own experience early in
my marriage, well, I know that things

have a way of getting blown out of
proportion when they're difficult to

about.

Susan?

Is there anything?

I'm sorry, Abby. It's just so hard to
concentrate.

All I keep thinking about are those
disgusting sunflower seeds backstroking

through the rancid yogurt on their way
to the Brussels sprouts.

Brussels sprouts?

Right next to the alfalfa.

You mean it was a health salad?

That's a very loose interpretation.

Oh.

So.

Nicholas, why don't you tell me about
Snow White?

What about it?

Oh, you know, how the story goes.

I kind of forgot.

You really want to know?

Sure, why not? I mean, it'll kill a few
minutes.

Okay.

See, there's this princess, and her name
is Snow White, and her stepmom is a

real drag.

Not like Gabby. Why don't you skip to
the good part?

You mean the part about the woodsman
guy?

Yeah, right.

Well, he likes Snow White too much to
bump her off, see?

So he brought her to this house with a
whole bunch of midgets in it.

Midgets? What happened to the sailors?

Sailors? Nah, you're thinking about
Popeye.

Nicholas, what I'd rather hear about is
the other Snow White. You know, the one

that Dad took you to see.

Oh, that one.

I didn't get to see nothing.

You didn't see anything?

Dad's hand.

That's it?

Well, maybe a little bit.

Yeah? On his elbow.

Oh.

One welfare employee was overheard
saying the system just doesn't work the

it should.

The little Tina here, it doesn't work at
all.

She may not know much about politics,
but she knows what it is to be hungry.

From downtown, this is Jeffrey Trout,
Channel 8 News.

This is Jeffrey Trout, Channel 8 News.

What a lot of humbug.

Eye contact's not bad.

Your delivery's going to need a lot of
work, though.

Hi, did you see that stunt?

What a sensationalist.

Come on, Dad.

You said you were going to give Jeffrey
a chance to be a little more open

-minded. I know, but I hate that kind of
an approach to a story.

Don't you?

It was partly my idea.

Oh.

Well, it's bedtime.

Yeah.

Dad, I've been reading some of your
journalism books lately. Oh, yeah?

terrific.

You know, I like especially the one
about Pulitzer.

He really knew how to scoop the other
papers, didn't he? Oh, yeah. Well, those

were the golden days of journalism.

Was it ethical, though, scooping?

Mm -hmm. Getting there first is the name
of the game.

Survival of the fittest.

That's what makes it so exciting. I see.

Oh, hey, Nicholas, it's getting late,
you know. I'm practically in bed.

How's the pornography story coming, Dad?
Oh, well, in about a week. I'm really

anxious to get to it.

Dad, what would you say if I told you
you're about to be scooped?

Oh, well, I'd say, who?

You mean the pornography story?

You?

Wow, you learn fast.

That'd be too fast.

You want me to back off?

Oh, no, no, no, of course not. Business
is business.

But I want you to promise me one thing.

I want you to do the story right, in
depth.

No stunts for Mr.

Trout.

I'll try, Dad.

Thanks.

Good night, honey.

Good night.

I can't help it, Kenny.

I've been too busy learning how to mow
the dumb grass.

Now she's okay.

Keeps running around in circles.

That mean anything?

What's labor?

Abby? Are you sure it's not Susan?

I don't think so.

Great. Now what?

Well, we continue the investigation.

Delicately.

I don't think there's a problem.

But if there were... You know, you're
right. I mean, it's...

It's just much better to be on the safe
side. I think we should keep this

between us, okay? I mean, there's no
sense in worrying your father until we

something concrete.

You mean as in, who is she?

And is she?

Nicholas, are you listening to me?

Okay. Now, lesson number two is safety.

Tommy, is lesson number two going to be
as boring as lesson number one?

Nicholas, look, I don't like this any
more than you do. But if you blow it,

blames me, so just listen up, okay?

Okay, but try and make it interesting.

Yeah. All right, rule number one is
never get your hands or your feet near

blades. Rule number two is always watch
where you're mowing.

Rule number three... Tommy.

What, Nicholas?

This is getting boring again.

No, I don't think that'll affect it.

Okay.

Thank you, Mrs. Elman. Right. Goodbye.

What'd you pick up? Well, Mrs.

Elman at the county clerk's office says
that the mortgage on the Royal Gator is

held by a public corporation.

That's it?

20 minutes, you were on the phone, you
didn't get a name?

American Unified Enterprises, 4224
Rarecrest Drive.

That's very good, Bradford. Right.

Don't start looking too pleased with
yourself, because you're just beginning.

I am?

That's right.

Corporations are faceless. There's
nothing for the viewers to hang their

emotions on. You said it yourself the
other day. I did.

Who would peddle smut in your
neighborhood, right?

I want a list of every single
stockholder in that corporation, no

small.

You'll get him, Mr. Todd. You'll get
him.

Lori, this is Joni.

Help.

Hi. Hi, Lori.

Pickle?

Nancy! Nancy, you're eating a pickle!

What's wrong with a pickle?

You want to tell me about it?

Why would I want to tell you about it?

Well, because, uh, because I'm willing
to listen.

Are you still dating that dental
student?

Huh?

Leonard? Yeah.

I only had one day with him.

He was a real creep.

He wouldn't believe it. He had to floss
his teeth before he would kiss me

goodnight.

Well, Nancy, who's the lucky guy these
days?

Mary. I don't understand your sudden
interest in my pickle or in my social

But if you really must know, it's been
slow.

Real slow.

Oh.

Well, I was just curious.

So if you're trying to set me up with
someone, the answer is yes.

Mayor, I'm desperate.

The truth of the matter is I haven't
seen anyone in a long time.

You haven't seen anyone in a long time?

What's so funny?

Don't ask.

She's flipped.

She's flipped.

You don't know how you saved my life
when he told me to get all the memes.

Stockholders. I didn't know where to
begin, Laurie. It's easy if you know

to look. I'm just glad I had the time to
find them. I stuck in a list of my

contacts, too. They'll host for the
future.

Oh, thank you.

Laurie, have I told you how much I...
Hey, let's not start that again.

All right.

Anyway, who has the time? I've got a
story to do.

Let me see.

Stockholders.

Stockholders. Oh, this... Oh.

Oh, Adelson, Atwater, Owenski, Berman,
Bradford, Brath... Bradford?

Your dad?

My dad.

Hey, here comes David. Maybe he knows
how to start it. I don't need any help.

Looks to me like you need a little help.
I'm doing just fine, thank you.

Have you forgotten everything I taught
you? It's all in the wrist, remember?

I remember what you taught me, but it's
not in the wrist. You taught me wrong.

It's in the arm.

Like this. See?

It's all in the wrist. Like this. See?

Well, that's great, I see.

I think you guys should just... Not now,
Nicholas. Look, I'm a little rusty.

A couple more pulls, it ought to fire
right up.

Nicholas, stay out of it, okay? It's not
in the wrist. It's in the arm.

It's in the wrist.

Do you mind?

The tradition is between Nicholas and me
now, okay?

I mind that you're not passing on the
tradition correctly, okay?

Knock it off, will you?

Lesson three.

Rule two.

Never forget to choke it.

Hi. How you doing? Listen, I was just
going to take this quick trip to the

cleaners. Do you want to tag along?

No, it's all right. You go ahead.
Thanks.

You don't have to be an investigative
reporter to see that there's something

wrong.

Oh.

It's that obvious.

Well, it's either that or you're getting
into character for Camille.

Would you like to talk about it?

I can't, Abby. It's just, uh... It's one
of those problems you just have to work

out for yourself, you know?

I'd like to help.

I know, and it's so... bizarre.

Just... There isn't one solution that's
going to make everybody happy.

Thanks, anyway.

Joanie, I know what it is.

You do?

Well, I wasn't sure, of course. I just
suspected, but... Oh, well, it's true. I

checked.

Abby, aren't you just shocked?

No, I mean, things like this, well, they
happen, and... Well, your father...

That's what he did, my father.

Abby, that's what I don't understand. He
knew I was going to do this.

He did?

Sure.

I mean, he was not too happy about it.
Who would be?

But he could have given me some hint,
you know, something to prepare me. Well,

Johnny, didn't he ever talk to you about
this? No.

No, I think that he was just too
embarrassed or something.

Well, when you were younger, didn't your
mother... No, no, I don't think that

she ever knew anything about it.

Well, Johnny, that's impossible. Well,
whatever the case, I mean, I certainly

didn't know anything about Dad and the
Royal Theater.

The Royal Theater? I mean, it's true.
It's just a few shares of stock.

But that's not the point. When it airs,
he is going to be implicated anyway.

And by his own daughter.

Thanks for the shoulder, Abby.

I know what I've got to do.

Oh, wow.

Hypothetical questions are my specialty.

Shoot. Okay.

Say that you are investigating a story,
and in the course of your research, you

turn up something that could hurt a
close friend.

Oh, I get it. You want to see if your
responsibility is to the story or to

close friend.

You got it.

It's a difficult dilemma, sometimes a
very painful one.

However, I would have to say that a true
professional journalist... First

consideration must always be to the
story.

Oh, Dad, why are you so intent on
hanging yourself?

If this is another hypothetical, you've
got me stumped.

Okay, Dad, let's just stop playing
games, all right?

I know.

You know.

Dad, something like this could really
damage your reputation.

It might even ruin you. Joanie, what are
you talking about? We're talking about

pornography.

We are?

It's specifically your part ownership in
the Royal Theater.

Joanie, I don't know what you're
rambling about. Dad, under the B, five

This is a computer printout of all the
stockholders in American Unified

Enterprises, a company that owns your
theater.

Bradford! Oh, no, no, no, no. This is a
mistake. It's a computer error.

I don't know why you did what you did,
but it's right there in black and white.

Now, wait a minute, young lady.

Your first lesson as a reporter, nothing
is black and white. There's always a

little gray in between.

A lesson that your Mr. Trout should
start to practice.

I can't believe this. Oh, Dad, don't get
into that, all right? What are you

doing? What am I doing? I'm doing what
you should have done right from the

beginning. I'm calling my accountant and
getting to the bottom of this. If this

is true, I could be ruined.

Yes, hello, this is Tom Bradford. I have
to see Sidney right away.

I don't care if he's playing Wimbledon.
This is urgent.

I'm afraid there's no mistake, Tom.

Joanie's right.

Well, how can that be? I never bought
stock in a theater.

Indirectly, you did.

You remember when I invested part of
your tax refund about five years ago?

Yeah, sure, sure. But that was a company
that makes screen doors. What has that

got to do with this?

It's really very simple. Here, have a
seat.

Last year, they merged with a company
called American Unified Enterprises,

in turn holds a controlling interest in
a company called Trans Allied

Entertainment, which in turn owns a
theater.

Simple. Now, the beauty of the merger is
that the stockholders of your company

gained a lucrative bilateral realignment
with the other company.

Beautiful, huh?

Oh, yeah, that's very nice.

What does it mean?

Let me put it this way, Tom.

These... Our corporations.

You with me so far?

The paperweight owns the letter opener.

Now, when the pencil cup merges with the
paperweight, not only do both sets of

stockholders now own the pencil cup and
the paperweight, they also own part of

the letter opener.

You got it?

But I don't want to own a letter opener.

Kenny, it's Nicholas.

Yeah, no changes, but she's been eating
a lot.

Scarfed up half a box of food.

Eating for two?

That'd be great.

Twins.

You know, Elizabeth, we haven't had one
of our sister -to -sister talks in a

long time.

I kind of miss them.

Yeah, I guess it has been a while, huh?

Is everything okay?

Oh, with me?

Oh, it's great.

How about you?

No problem.

Anna?

That's good.

You know, that's not exactly true.

Oh, Elizabeth, now look.

You know you can trust me, okay? And
whatever the problem is, I'll help you

any way I can.

No matter what it is?

No matter what.

Okay. See if you can fix this. I think a
wire's loose again.

This is it? I mean, this is your biggest
problem?

Well, yeah, but that doesn't matter. You
promised, remember?

Oh, I remember, I remember.

Wanda? Bradford, where have you been?
I've been looking all over.

I've been feeling well, Mr. Brown.
There's no time to be sick. We've got

much to do. I just got the word. What?
Our story's going to lead off the

period.

Oh, that's great. Yeah, we're going to
have to move fast.

We're going to shoot the stand -up
tomorrow and the MOS on Wednesday. Now,

where's the list?

Huh?

Uh, you know, I think we ought to double
-check that, Mr. Trout.

We could be in a lot of trouble if we
make a mistake.

Joanie, there'll be plenty of time to
verify the facts before I actually go on

the air to complete the story. I need
the names right away.

Uh, yeah, uh... Don't freeze on me,
Joanie. We both have a job to do.

I need those names, and I need them now.

Nicholas, you're supposed to be watching
me. Now, how else are you going to

learn?

All I ever do is watch. I've been
watching you for a week.

So you think you're ready to handle it,
huh, hot dog?

Does the big bug live in the forest?

Bear, Nicholas.

All right, I guess you got to solo
sometime.

But no fancy stuff.

Just do one row, turn around, and come
back.

Okay, any questions?

You're positive now that there are no
questions? No questions, now stop

worrying. Okay, Ace, let her rip.

I guess it's too late to ask a question.

Is

this

going to take long, Dad?

What? Oh, no, no, no. I just wanted you
all to be aware of a

situation that has developed.

Sometimes we discover...

certain things about other things that
we didn't even know existed

or would have when we were involved with
the original thing.

It's going to take a while.

Well, of course, it's not as simple as
all that.

Sometimes complications set in that
inevitably lead to other complications,

I'm not making any sense out of this at
all, am I? Why?

Now, look.

This is a corporation.

This is another corporation.

This is the letter opener that caused
all the trouble.

Letter opener?

This isn't working, Harvey.

Nicholas, believe me, that's what we'd
all like to know. What your father is

trying to say is that due to a strange
set of circumstances that he knew

about, but that Joanie discovered, he...
owns a

small percentage of the Royal Theatre.

You mean the one? Yeah, that's the one.

Now, I'm sure that he can count on all
of us for his support.

It was an honest mistake, and I don't
think we need to make anything more of

than there is.

All right, my own dad, porno king of
Sacramento.

You may not like what Tommy said, but
your confessional was hardly a disaster.

Oh, really?

I counted four giggles and three smirks.

Which just proves that no one in this
house was totally devastated.

So Mr.

Trout breaks the story. It is not the
end of the world, and we can handle what

people say.

Yeah, but how do I handle Joanie?

Joanie will understand.

Then why did she disappear before I had
a chance to explain all the facts?

I don't know. I had other things on my
mind the last time we talked, but, well,

she probably had to think things out.

I mean, she's in a tough spot, trapped
between her job and her father.

Correction. trapped between the hard
principles I expound and the low acts I

commit. They were unknowing acts.

Careless acts.

It's my money. It was my responsibility.

I tell everybody around here to watch
their pennies, and I let mine go into

porno business. No wonder Joanie thinks
I'm a hypocrite.

I've got to find her.

My reputation I can lose.

My daughter I can't.

Excuse me, could you tell me where I can
find Joni Bradford? I'm her father.

Oh, you're Joni's father?

Yes, yes.

Jeffrey Trout.

I'm a big fan of your column. Oh, thank
you. Isn't that nice?

Well, your stories are the source of
spirited conversation in the Bradford

house. Well, I guess I must be doing
something right.

Yes.

I have to see Joni for a minute. I know
she's very busy, but I'll just be a

second. You mean you don't... I assumed
you...

Would you mind stepping into my office?
It's a little more private in there.

Joanie quit?

An hour ago.

Just walked out. No explanation.

I could only guess she was feeling
guilty about scooping you.

No, no, no. There's more to it than
that.

Much more.

What do you mean?

Did Joanie ever give you a list of the
American Unified Stockholders?

No, she didn't.

Joanie had a conflict of interest.

My name is on that list.

You? Under the bees, five down.

I was as shocked as Joanie.

You didn't know?

Assassinated by a merger. Nevertheless,
guilty of financial negligence in the

first degree. I wanted to fill Joanie
in, and it was complicated.

That explains a lot.

Poor kid.

What a tough spot to be in.

Especially on a first assignment.

It was.

I didn't think she'd do this.

I'll get you a list as soon as possible.

Mr. Bradford.

Yes?

You know, in the light of what you just
told me, this story's not as clear -cut

as it seemed.

I mean, there must be other stockholders
in the same predicament.

Yeah, that's a possibility.

Well, now, that's an angle we'd be
obligated to cover.

Where are you getting at, Mr. Trott?
It's going to take a lot of time to...

To investigate this properly.

Time that I just can't spare at the
moment.

You're saying that you're going to kill
the story?

Oh, no.

No, we'll do it eventually.

Unless, of course, I get scooped.

I mean, there's a chance it could even
be picked up by someone with more

intimate knowledge of the facts.

That is a possibility.

If that were to happen, I can assure you
that it will be handled with complete

integrity. Of that, Mr. Bradford, I have
no doubt.

After all, we are professionals.

That we are, Mr. Charlie.

That we are.

I give up. From all indications,
everyone seems to be acting as normal as

I know.

Well, Abby, one thing's clear. I mean,
this thing did not get into the closet

itself.

Any ideas before we throw in the towel?

Just one. I think it's time for a direct
confrontation with your sisters.

Agreed. The showdown.

Oh, I don't know. Maybe they're planning
a surprise party or something.

Are you kidding? For all three of us?
Yeah, Elizabeth's right. I think Abby

Mary have totally flipped. Every time
you turn around, they're up there having

private conference.

Well, I'm sick of it, and we're going to
find out what they're up to. Yeah. Just

try to be a little subtle, okay?

Okay.

You first.

Okay, something very strange has been
going on in this house. We'd like to

what it is, and we'd like to know right
now.

Subtle.

Subtle. Is that what I think it is? It
is.

Well, does anyone care to claim
ownership?

Well, not me.

No way.

Well, don't look at me.

Hey, that's mine.

Nicholas, it's yours?

Well, actually, I borrowed it from Kenny
P. Landers. And just where did Kenny

get it?

Well, it's his mom.

See, we're going to use it to find out
if Marsha's going to have a baby.

Marsha, your hamster?

Yeah, maybe twins.

Isn't that great?

See, I told Kenny that we wouldn't have
to hide it, but he said it makes grown

-ups nervous.

You know, I think Kenny worries too
much.

I had a feeling it was going to be you.

You know, if you're trying to hide away
from your troubles, you're going to have

to be a lot more clever.

No lectures, okay?

Okay.

I was at your TV station. I wanted to
fill you in on what Sidney Vector had

me.

Yeah, Abby talked to me.

I'm really sorry I doubted you, Dad.

That's all right.

It was kind of a suspicious story on the
surface.

Yeah, so were a lot of things.

If you don't look hard enough, which I
didn't.

I guess they told you that I quit.

Yeah.

And I, uh... I was surprised. I mean,
you didn't have to do that. I would have

understood. I know you would. You're a
pro. I'm not.

I don't have the stomach for that.

Tony. Dad, I love you. You're my father,
you know? I mean...

I mean, you understand I couldn't
possibly ever do that, to do something

purposely hurt you.

If that's what it takes to be a good
journalist, then it's not worth it.

Not for me, anyway.

Besides, I want to be an actress.

This is what I found out now.

Johnny, I'll let you in on something.

I don't think that I could have gone
through with it either.

Oh, yes, you would have. Of all the
people I know, you would have never

compromised your principles.

It's nice to think that.

But I don't know if it's true. I've been
a very lucky man. I never had to.

Principles are a wonderful thing.

But so are the people that you love.

And I'm not positive that I wouldn't
have done exactly the same thing.

Really, Dad?

I'll let you in on something else, too.

You'd make a great journalist.

No, I wouldn't. You have the talent and
the brains and the ambition.

And most important, you know what you
have?

You have... a heart.

Oh, Dad.

Oh.

Thanks.

I'll let you in on something.

Wonderful. Can you do me a favor?

I was wondering if you could come up
with a title for my new column.

I have this here, but I think it might
be a little flashy. What do you think?

I was a middle -aged porno king?

Dad, is it... I mean, what about the TV
station? I mean, Jeffrey's gonna... Oh,

yes, yes, I forgot to tell you.

They've changed their plans.

And, uh... Well, why don't you let Mr.
Trout tell you about that when you... Go

back to work.

What?

You mean they actually want me to come
back?

Oh, yes.

Here's a very important special
assignment for you.

It has something to do with coffee and
black.

Oh.

Nicholas, are you still having trouble
with the lawnmower?

Nah, it's those flowers that give me a
pain.

Now listen, can I ask you a question and
I want you to be totally honest?

Okay. Do you like mowing the lawn?

I hate it. See, that's what I thought.

Since I gave it to David, I've secretly
missed it very much.

You're off. Oh, yes.

Do you want to give the job back?
Unless, of course, you have objections

breaking family tradition.

No, I can't be flexible.

That settles it, then.

Very good.

I'll get you another job.

Now you go upstairs and have fun and
mirth. And I'll finish it for you.

Okay, but there's one more thing.

What's that?

Can we stop talking like this now?

Yes, of course, Nicholas.

Oh, nothing, nothing. We're just having
a business transaction.

Oh, by the way, you never told me about
your latest conversation with Sidney

Vector. Oh, it went very well, Abby. You
know, the column got so much attention

that American Unified called a special
meeting of their board of directors.

And? And they're selling the theater. In
fact, they think they might even have a

buyer, a religious group that wants to
show family films.

Well, does this mean you'll get a
profit?

No, no.

They've decided to reinvest the money in
a little bookstore down on Thick Street

that specializes in Greek literature.

I'm glad everything worked out. I gotta
go. Bye.

No, no, I'm not lying.

You should see this magazine rack.

Yeah, Arrow's Bookstore, 6th Street.