All language subtitles for family_affair_s04e23_the_old_cowhand

finger, please, Jody?

I hope Patty likes these towels I'm
giving her.

What's her husband's name?

Well, he's not her husband yet.

Her groom -to -be is Don Jennings.

Is that the Don Jennings I know?

Mm -hmm.

He's getting married?

Men do.

But he's not a man.

He's a guy.

He used to play catch with me in the
park.

Well, he's going to marry Patty. They
bought a house in Long Island.

Hi. Hi, Uncle Bill. Hi.

Hi. What's the matter with you?

He's upset because Don and Patty are
getting married.

Uncle Bill, if things are good, why do
they have to change?

Oh, well, because people get older,
that's all.

That's right.

Someday I'll be a bride -to -be.

Someday I'll be a teenager -to -be and
then a bride -to -be.

I'm not going to be anything -to -be.
I'm just going to stay the way I am.

Life won't stand still for anybody,
Jody.

Not even you.

Dinner's ready whenever you are, sir.

Thank you.

Uncle Bill, I don't care what Buffy and
Sissy do.

You and Mr. French and me, we're always
going to stay the way we are.

Now, the best place for the lake is
right there, Mr. Callahan.

You say that's where the lake belongs,
I'll tell the boss that's where it goes.

When it comes to ranching, I know what
I'm talking about, but this engineering,

that's something else.

I didn't know they had any ranches in
Pennsylvania.

Oh, yeah.

A lot of big spreads in Pennsylvania.

Good grass, close to transportation.

Winter's about the same as New Mexico.

That's right. You said you worked in a
place in New Mexico.

I said I used to own it.

Never spent much time there, though.

Couldn't get away from Hollywood for
more than two weeks at a stretch.

Hollywood?

Oh.

I've been working with you all weekend.
It just dawned on me now. You're Shaps

Callahan, aren't you?

Well...

I don't talk about it much. It's been a
long time ago. And my interest these

days is the B -Bar Ranch.

Been forming there for ten years.

So pictures still run on television.

You know, I got a little nephew. I guess
he's about your number one fan in the

whole world.

Listen, before you go back to
Pennsylvania, why don't you come out the

meet him?

Say, I'd like that, Bill.

Okay. We got to go over these plans
anyway. They're going to be ready

so we might as well do it at my house.

All right.

Jody's going to be real excited about
meeting Captain Callahan.

shooting irons.

Gosh.

Wow.

Jody, can't we watch something else?

Shh.

That'll teach you to try to hang an
innocent man.

Dad, that's over.

Well, nobody tied you up and made you
sit there, Buffy.

Hey, that's not a bad idea. We could
play She -Wish -Chap's girlfriend, and

and Peter could be the bad guys.

Oh, another time, laddie. I'm sure your
mothers are expecting you home.

Bye, Jody. Bye.

Are we putting on the feed bag pronto,
Mr. French?

Feed bag?

Oh, yes, a Western euphemism. As soon as
your uncle arrives, Jody.

Honest, Uncle Bill? Here? Right here?

Yeah, right here. Tomorrow.

Chaps Callahan.

Gosh.

And you really know him? And you've even
said howdy to him?

No, I think I said hello.

Does he understand what you meant?

I think so.

Are you going to be able to hold out
till tomorrow?

I don't know.

I'll always have what won't be easy,
partner.

Good night.

What's the matter? Can't you sleep?

Yeah. But I'd rather think about old
chaps coming.

You cowboys got to get your shut eye.

How much longer will it be?

Well, it'll be about 15 hours.

What do you got there?

Are you wearing your spurs to bed?

Sure. Chaps always wear spurs. You never
know when you have to...

Saddle your old horse Thunder and ride
after bad guys.

Yeah.

Let's get them off or French will have
your hide.

Gee, Uncle Bill, I didn't know you
talked cowboy.

Sure. Come on, shoot nines, too.

All right.

Sleep tight, partner.

I'll try.

But Chaps Callaghan has got about him
right to her own spread.

That's the hundredth millionth time
you've opened the door. It's only the

Well, you'll get here when he gets here,
now.

He got here!

Howdy.

You must be old Jody.

Are you really Chaps Callaghan?

Honest Indian.

And where's your gun and your robe?

And how come you're dressed like that?

Well, now, cowboys don't wear their
working clothes and guns when they're

invited out to Sunday brunch, partner.

I'm glad you could make it, Chaps.

Right neighborly of you to ask me. Yeah.

Come on, meet the kids.

Now, this little one is Buffy.

Hi, Mr.

Callaghan. Chaps to my friend, Buffy.

And that's my new sissy.

My pleasure, Miss Sissy.

Say, I'm surprised you're not surrounded
by a whole parcel of young men.

Well, I leave them outside for Sunday
brunch.

Okay, we can start going over those
plans after we eat, okay? Fine.

Mr. Chaps.

Which one of your pictures do you like
the best?

My favorite is No Law for Tombstone.

Yeah, that was a good one, but I sort of
leaned Six Guns for Pecos.

Six Guns was okay, but I like the part
in Tombstone where you and Craven were

having the shootout.

Oh, yeah.

That's the one where the banker's
daughter yelled out a warning just in

That wasn't No Law for Tombstone.

That was Last Chance for Donovan.

It was?

Now I got it.

Donovan was where I played the range
detective.

That was Stranger in Twin Creek, Mr.
Chaps.

Huh?

Uncle Bill, maybe we better go to the
rescue.

You're right. Another one I liked was
Heading for Danger.

French is sick.

That's not what you say, Mr. French.
Huh?

You say, Chuck, wagon's open!

Mr. Callahan is Mr.

French. My pleasure, Mr. French.

And mine, too, sir.

Well, let's put on the feed bag, eh,
partner?

Now, the posse was heading this way.

Toward the Arroyo.

And I was hiding over there behind the
high rocks.

You be the sheriff, Jody. You're heading
up the posse.

And remember, that ornery sidewinder
Archer is riding along with you.

Who's gonna be Archer?

I reckon you'll have to be both.

I know.

Buffy, come here a second!

What is it, Jody? We need an ornery
sidewinder.

Whatever that is, I don't have any.

Little lady, we want you to be the bad
guy, aren't you?

Why can't I be a dance hall girl?

There aren't any in that picture.

Okay, I'll be the bad guy.

All right, you're right over there,
riding behind Sheriff Jody.

I got my rope out and all ready, and I'm
watching you ride toward me.

I let the sheriff ride by underneath my
hiding place, but when Archer comes by,

down goes my trusty old rope. The loop
settles around him, straight up in the

air. I let him dangle there and fire a
shot to attract the sheriff's attention.

Then I yell, here's the real copper,
sheriff!

And I turn to the bad guy dangling
midair and say, all right, you no -good

varmint, you got just five seconds to
own up.

Wow!

Can I get down, please?

Oh, certainly, little lady.

You make a real good varmint, Miss
Buffy.

Much obliged.

Never used a stuntman, Jody. Did it all
myself.

I'm ready to go on the plans any time
you are, champs. Oh, sure, Bill.

Oh, gee, Uncle Bill. I promised the guys
I'd bring chaps up to the park to meet

them.

Oh, no, not today. I don't want him
imposing on you like that.

Be a downright shame to disappoint the
guys.

Or else they'll never believe he was
here.

Okay. Lead the way, partner. We're about
to make believers out of your sidekick.

Sure, Uncle Bill.

You don't want to be an armless
sidewinder.

My hands tied behind my back and the
rope slung over the hanging tree limb.

Not a sign of the Marshal or my amigos
anywhere.

I sure thought I was a goner.

Hey, I know, chaps. Show them how you
roped old Archer off his horse. Here.

Yeah, come on, chaps. Show us how you
did it.

Well, I would, but I'd need a real
lasso.

Well, that is a real lasso. My father
got it for me at the rodeo.

But I haven't got the right clothes on.

What kind of clothes do you have to have
to do rope tricks?

Well, you have to wear something that'll
let your arms hang loose and easy so

you're comfortable.

You don't expect him to do rope tricks
in those good clothes, do you?

I guess not.

But you can show us your lightning draw,
can't you, chaps?

I sure can, Jody.

I'll tell you, fellas, my lightning fast
draw saved my life more times than I

can remember.

Why don't we have a shootout? You can
show us how to draw fast.

Larry, give him your guns.

Well, I'm used to my own set, you know,
regular six guns.

Well, these are regulation six shooters.

Well, I don't know. You know, the belt
won't fit, and that's real important.

You can tuck it in.

I'll be the bad guy.

You gotta draw first, Pete. You're the
bad guy.

He's drawing, chaps.

He's a goner.

Yeah, he can't even outdraw a kid.

Come on, Larry, let's family.

reckon I'm a little rusty.

It's time for Chaps Callahan.

Leave it off.

But it's time.

I don't want to watch.

Jody, do you feel all right?

I'm okay.

I almost forgot.

Larry called.

He wants you to come over and play with
him.

Hey, you.

Hi. How's everything, huh?

What's the matter with Jody?

I don't know. Is something the matter?

He acts so creepy, like he doesn't care
about anything.

Oh, well.

Disappointment does that to people
sometimes.

What's he disappointed about, Mr. Chaps?

Yeah, he'll get over it.

I hope so. He's no fun when he's creepy.

Yeah. See you later.

Hello, Bill. Come on in.

Take a load off your feet.

What are you going to do there? Rope and
timey?

Just getting in a little work for
Saturday.

I'm so doggone stale, you'd think I was
a tenderfoot.

But what can you expect? I do my job at
the ranch, supervising from behind a

desk or riding around in a Jeep.

Yeah, listen.

I'm going to tell you something.

When I told you I...

Put you on the spot with Jody a minute
because... The reason I had you over at

the house at the time was... I thought
that meeting you might kind of put him

straight on something, see?

Straight about what?

Well, you know how kids are about time.

He's got the idea that... Everything...
French and

me, everybody's...

just going to always be the same, just
like today.

And you figured him seeing me that...
Yeah, yeah.

As far as he's concerned, you're still a
cowboy, and you're real active, and I

thought, well, seeing as how you're in
such great shape and all that, it might

be kind of a gentle way to let him know
that time changes people, but it doesn't

destroy, you know?

How about if I go down to the ranch
early and get in some rope and practice,

work with my guns a bit, do some riding?

Just enough so Jody gets an idea of the
way he used to perform.

Maybe he won't feel so let down then.

Yeah.

Okay. Well, I guess there's worse things
than believing in your eternal youth.

You're a good guy, Sheps. That kid's got
to have himself a hero.

I know any better one than you.

Now!

plow for about?

Well, I thought we'd talk about you and
me.

Did you notice anything about the ranch
today?

Yeah, chaps, it's great. Wait till I
tell Willie and Arthur.

I didn't mean that.

Did you notice I didn't do any of the
work?

Do you know when I made my last movie?

1939.

That's 30 years ago.

You weren't even born yet.

Even your Uncle Bill was just a boy, not
much older than you.

But I was already grown up.

That makes me pretty old now, wouldn't
you say?

You're not old. You're Chaps Callahan.

Well, I'm sure not a kid anymore.

Remember the other day in the park?

The reason I didn't do any rope tricks
is because it's been too many years

I even tried.

And the same things with the guns, Jody.
I used to be fast.

Real fast.

Not anymore.

But you're still the greatest cowboy who
ever lived.

No, I'm afraid not, partner.

Well, sometimes I could use a stuntman
to help me get out of bed in the

We still got Thunder.

Ah, good old horse, Thunder.

Gentle as they come.

But he's not the same horse I rode in
the movies, you know.

He's not?

No. I had five horses named Thunder, all
from the same bloodline.

Sort of helped me pretend I wasn't
getting any older.

Those television movies.

I wasn't even born.

But it was you.

Sure. That was me when I was younger.

I'll let you in on a little secret,
Jody.

Something I just discovered myself.

A fella doesn't have to like getting
old.

But he sure better learn to accept it.
Because that's part of living.

For all of us.

You're kind of young for me to be
expecting you to understand all this.

I can understand some of it.

Like Thunder not being the same Thunder.

And you being the same champs but not
really the same.

I can still watch you on TV, can't I?

I'd kind of be put out if you didn't.

But remember, they're just shows to
watch.

Not real.

Not the way folks really are.

I'll remember.

At least I'll try to.

There's one more thing, Jody, and this
is important.

Just because people get old, there's no
sign they're not happy anymore.

But today was the happiest day I've ever
had in my life.

Because you were here with me.

You're still the best cowboy I ever saw.

Uncle Bill?

Uh -huh? Did you have a good time today?

Sure, a fine time. You?

One of the best days I ever had.

Did you know that Chaps' horse isn't the
same horse that he uses in the movies?

No, I didn't know that.

There were five others before him.

Chaps named them all Thunder.

Yeah? Well, that's just for the movies.

For Chaps, too.

It made him feel like he wasn't getting
any older.

Uncle Bill, how old will I be when I get
finished with school?

Oh, you...

I guess, 22.

That's a lot older than me.

Yeah.

You and Mr. French will be older, too.

Yep.

We'll still love each other.

Sure.

But you and French won't be mad if I
don't live with you anymore.

Nah, we won't be mad.

Because that's what happens when you get
older and you get your own house.

Yeah, that's what happens.

Of course, we'll see each other all the
time. And visit and everything.

And talk about how it used to be. Like
an old movie on TV.

Yeah.

Sleep tight.

Good night, Uncle Bill.

Good night.