All language subtitles for Family Affair s02e01 Birds, Beas And Buffy

Ah, good morning, Mr. Lynch. Good
morning, Mr. French.

Ah, the recent young Bartlow, I presume?

Yes, Anthony Bartlow III.

Flourishing. A handsome young man,
indeed.

A suggestion of his mother's chin.

We predict great things.

Twenty -three, twenty -four. Hey, look,
they got... a brand new baby.

Yeah, from here it looks like it hasn't
even been used.

Where'd they get it? I don't know. They
must have found it somewhere.

I happen to know where they found it.
Where?

Oh, I'm not telling.

I'm not allowed to talk about it.

Come on, Jody. I bet she doesn't even
know where they find babies.

Let's go ask Mr. French.

Oh, would you care to hold him, Mr.
French? Oh, dear me, no, no. Infants,

afraid, terrify me. Their fragility and
inability to communicate and all that

sort of thing, you know.

What is that supposed to be?

Oh, that is a baby, Jody. He means, is
it a girl or a boy, Mr. French?

No, it's a boy.

Anthony Bartlow III.

The third what?

The third Anthony Bartlow.

Where did you get him?

Jody!

That means where do you find babies, Mr.
French? I know exactly what he means.

We'll not discuss this matter any
further.

Why not?

Because I say we won't.

Okay, that's a good enough reason.

Go, play.

Mr. French? Away with you, Joey.

Oh, excuse me, ladies. I do beg you to
accept my humblest apologies.

Oh, quite.

It is a lovely day.

Recall St. James's Park. The lilac and
white roses must be very beautiful in

both Kent and Sussex.

I agree.

Yes, not to mention the hyacinths.

I'll tell you if you promise not to tell
my mother I told you.

For your information, the stork brings
the babies.

The stork?

Well, it was most embarrassing, sir. The
children actually introduced the

subject in mixed company.

Before English ladies, sir.

What did you tell the kids?

Well, I took the only possible course
open to me, sir. I refused to discuss

subject. Well, that doesn't settle it.
You know, they're going to hit you with

it again sooner or later.

Well, then let us only hope that we can
make it as late as possible, sir.

Perhaps when we're packing them off to
college.

Just a little bit late.

Sir. I feel that as many times as they
bring up the subject to us, we should

refuse to discuss it.

Well, I don't know, French. I never even
thought about what to tell them, and I

guess you can't shut them up forever,
either.

One can try, sir.

Well, we're probably making too much of
it.

They probably forgot about the whole
thing by now anyway, so let's just hope

the best.

Very good, sir. Oh, I will be serving
supper as soon as you're ready, sir.

And as you say, let us hope by then that
they will have forgotten the whole

unhappy subject.

We'd like to know if a stork really
brings babies.

A stork?

Uncle Bill, do storks really bring
babies?

No. Well, sort of.

Oh,

well, sir, by an odd coincidence, I have
made studies into the habits of the

stork.

Buffy, Jody, one might say the stork
provides a service, a

delivery at all hours, after you've
placed an order, of course.

For example...

The new baby we saw in the park this
morning, young Anthony Bartlow III,

was told that the stork dropped him off
several weeks ago.

Well, what do you know about that?

People must keep storks awful busy.

Sissy, is there a picture of the stork
in the encyclopedia?

I guess so.

Excuse us, Uncle Bill.

Jody, let's go look at it.

Well, sir, I believe we can consider the
matter closed.

I think so, for now.

Uncle Bill, you don't think people tell
children those fairy tales anymore?

Well, honey, it's just to satisfy their
curiosity until they get old enough so

they can understand, you know.

But isn't this the important time?

These are the formative years.

Well, child experts say that that stork
story's ridiculous.

Honey, if they are happy with the stork
explanation, we'll just let it go at

that, and we will face the problem if
and when it comes up again, okay?

Golly, that seems like plain cowardice.

Exactly.

a baby and fly at the same time?

How does it know where to deliver the
baby?

Besides, a baby would catch cold way up
there. The higher you go, the colder it

gets. Yeah, and what if it rains and a
stork dropped the baby?

Crash!

And how would the stork get into an
apartment building like this? The

wouldn't let him in. Maybe down the
chimney.

No, that wouldn't work.

He'd get stuck.

What if somebody had a fire going?

Ow!

Jody, all the time we've lived here, did
you ever see one stork?

No, not even one.

An ostrich would make more sense.

At least it's bigger and stronger.

That's not much smarter.

I don't believe that an ostrich brings
babies either.

I think we should check it out again
with Uncle Bill.

Yeah, you're right about storks. It
isn't possible.

Does Mr.

French really believe about storks?

No. Well, yeah, in a way. I mean, like,
in the same way he believes what he told

you about the Sandman, you know.

You mean how the Sandman comes into your
bedroom at night and throws sand in

your eyes to make you sleep?

Nobody ever threw sand in my eyes except
that mean kid in the park.

Well, now, we got it all settled, huh?

Storks do not bring babies.

They bring baby storks.

That makes sense.

Jody?

Absolutely.

Good. And I'll just tell French that you
understand. And now I think it's about

time you went to bed, huh?

Okay. Good night, Uncle Bill. Good
night, kids.

Well,

that settles that.

Except for one thing.

Uncle Bill?

Yeah? Where do they find babies?

Well, we do know that the storks don't
bring them, right?

Right.

Okay. Now, that ought to be enough
information right now.

so we can discuss it further on when we
have more time, okay?

Okay. Okay.

French!

Yes, Mr. Davis.

It was a nice try, but the stork thing
didn't work.

You mean they actually continued to
pursue the subject, sir? Yep, right on

nose.

Where do babies come from, Uncle Bill?

Astounding. If you'll excuse the
expression, sir.

Yeah.

Well, French, I think we might be in for
it.

You see, Jody, all we had to do was ask
Uncle Bill. Right.

He always tells us the truth.

It isn't this dark at all.

Right. But then...

Who is it?

We get to ask that next.

Mr. French, this isn't your usual hour.

Aren't the children in school at this
time? Oh, quite, quite.

May I sit down, please? Oh, please.

Mr. French, you seem disturbed.

Is something wrong?

Uh, Savisham, may I be frank?

Oh, please.

Well, we are both mature adults, are we
not?

Agreed. Well, then, Savisham, you must
have noticed Buffy and Jody's

reaction and, well, a certain curiosity
about the new

Bartlow baby.

You mean...

Exactly. They're questions.

Just how does one answer?

Well, I feel the important thing, Mr.
French, is that the answer be told

in terms of a fairy story.

Yes, well, we tried this talk theory.
They destroyed it completely.

Then I would say the cabbage patch story
is in order.

Cabbage patch?

That, too, is fantasy, but not nearly as
vulnerable to logic.

Their sweet little minds are so
enchanted with the possibilities that

don't ask too many questions.

You see, the idea is... They get

babies in a cabbage patch?

That's right.

What's a cabbage patch?

It's a garden where they grow cabbages,
of course.

A vegetable garden?

Are we vegetables?

Oh, of course not.

Well, that's being ridiculous.

Why don't the fairies bring the baby
right to the house?

Well...

Well, sometimes windows are closed and
doors are locked.

Well, you see, fairies can't ring
doorbells. So they leave a note telling

mother to go to the cabbage patch and
pick up her baby.

Isn't that interesting?

It sure is.

It's a lot more interesting than a
storm.

Yes, and much more imaginative, too.

Now, I hope you children will accept my
answer in the spirit in which it was

given.

It's a pretty good answer.

Ah, thank you, Jody.

And Uncle Bill says we have to believe
you like we believe him.

So we believe you.

How about that, Buffy?

Furries brought us to a cabbage patch.

It's a good thing they found us before
harvest time.

That must be Richard. He's coming over
to play.

Have we got a story to tell you.

Come on back with us.

How was our golf game, sir? Terrible.
Not a catch.

Never better.

What about, you know... Oh, I think
you'll find that we've solved that

to everyone's satisfaction, sir.

Yeah? Sir, playing with young master...

Nelson, right now, sir, in fact, I have
an idea they're discussing the subject.

I gave them a smashing answer, sir, a
courtesy of Miss Fattersham.

Yeah.

You think we could eavesdrop a little?

Of course, sir.

And so, the fairies deposit the baby in
a cabbage patch.

And in the morning, the mother comes and
picks it up.

Isn't that so? Something?

Wow, that's a better story than the one
my mother told me.

What story did your mother tell you?

Oh, some crazy thing about the birds and
the bees.

Didn't understand it, but I said I did.

Mr. French and Uncle Bill always tell us
the truth.

Except about dragons and that junk.

They always tell us which is true and
which isn't.

This one is true.

I've just got to tell my mother about
the cabbage patch. She'll be glad to

the real truth. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Well, sir, I think we can consider the
matter settled.

Cabbage patch.

A delightful tale, sir. And the children
seem to accept it without reservation.

It's still fantasy all over again.

Quite so, sir, but Miss Fabersham
considered it quite suitable for six

-olds. She does.

Well, Sissy hears about it. She didn't
go for the stork story. Well, she hears

about the cabbage patch.

The cabbage patch?

Well, it satisfied Dan.

It was the only possible answer, Miss
Sissy. We had the opinion of experts,

Fabersham.

Oh, Ms. Nelson.

How... Yeah.

Well, of course I don't approve of the
cabbage patch story.

It's a ridiculous thing.

I said it's a ridiculous notion, yes.
Yes, ma 'am.

Well, I'm sorry if it confused Richard
after your scientific explanation,

Well, look, I'm sure you can get Richard
straightened out, can't you? We can do

the same thing for our children.

Yes.

Well, thank you for calling. Yes.

Goodbye.

Mrs. Nelson doesn't approve.

I'm sorry, sir, but somehow it seemed so
wholesome.

Well, I know what you're going through,
Uncle Bill, but there must be some

simple, straightforward way to tell
them.

That may be very true, but in the
meantime, I've got to unlearn them

Richard gets back.

I'm sorry, Miss Sissy, but I find myself
at a complete loss.

I had no idea we'd be faced with such
problems.

You can't expect two bachelors to know
these things.

I'd better get some expert advice.

I'll go talk to my biology teacher.

Buffy and Jody are so young, Miss
Pringle.

How will they understand?

Never underestimate the mind of a child.

Approach them on their own level, but
honestly.

Okay.

But how do I explain to Uncle Bill?

He freezes when I try to discuss the
subject on an adult level.

Be sympathetic, but firm.

Assure him it's entirely biological.

Thank you.

Hi. Hi, Uncle Bill.

Where are Buffy and Jody?

They went down to the park with French.

Oh, good.

Well,

I can help you answer them about babies.

See, it's entirely biological.

Oh, I know that. I just assume we
dropped the whole subject, huh?

Now, look here, Uncle Bill. See, if you
tell them that birth is just the

process... You know, I just assumed I
figured it out for myself.

Now, look.

Birth is the act by which a female...
Believe it or not, Sissy, I know all

that.

By which a female brings one of her own
species into the world.

See? Now that didn't hurt, did it?

No. Well, then you go on... I took
biology in high school, too.

Well, then you know. See? You explain,
you give them the definition, then you

on... Sissy.

Well, look, this is only the beginning,
Uncle Bill. I've got these other charts.

No, I don't want to see any more charts.

Well, where... They're adults, Uncle
Bill. You are a teenage girl.

You mean you're not going to explain the
truth to them?

Well, not until I figure out how.

Uncle Bill, you do it just by biology.

Miss Pringle says... Miss Pringle
teaches high school, and they're six

-old kids.

Uncle Bill!

Uncle Bill!

Yeah, yeah. Guess what?

Yeah, guess what?

What am I supposed to guess what?

Well...

We heard about another funny place where
they find babies.

We had another discussion among the
children in the park, sir, before I

stop it.

Yeah, boy.

Grown -ups sure are mixed up about
babies.

No, Joey, we're not mixed up. Now, there
are just certain things that we don't

want to talk about, and this happens to
be one of them. So that's the end of it.

That's all, once and for all.

Oh.

Okay, Jody?

Yes, Uncle Bill.

We understand each other, all right?

You had no other choice, sir. I quite
approve.

Well, you can cut off their discussions,
but you can't cut off their minds.

Right.

Did you speak to him? Not yet, sir.
They're in Buddy's room playing.

Sissy's in bed reading.

Good.

Hi.

Well, you're home early, Uncle Bill.

Well, I wanted to say goodnight to my
kids and make sure you weren't angry

me about, uh, you know, what.

It's all right if you get angry.

Because you get angry with love.

And if you don't want to talk about
where babies come from, you don't have

Well, Jody, I didn't want to talk about
it because I didn't think I knew how.

But now I do, and I can tell you about
where babies come from if you want to

know.

A true story this time?

Not storks or cabbages.

Nope, true.

We'd like to hear the true story.

From you, Uncle Dale.

You still remember your mother and
father, don't you?

And you remember how much they loved
each other and how much they loved you?

When they were married, they loved each
other so much that

love just filled up their whole lives.

So out of this love that they had for
each other, three babies were born.

Sissy and then you two.

And you became a family.

See?

So that's how babies are born.

The answer to your question is just one
word. It's easy.

It's love. See?

Well, what do you know about that?

That's the goodest answer of all.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay. Over to your room, Jody.

Good night, you guys.

Good night.

And you hop into bed, miss.

Good night, Uncle Bill.

Uncle Bill?

I just wanted to tell you.

I think you're the smartest person in
the whole world.

Smarter than Miss Pringle?

Much.

Good night.

Good night.

Good night.

Good thinking, sir.

Oh, just one more thing, sir. Yeah. How
do we account for rabbits?

What about it?

Well, this little boy in the park, Sir
Jody's friend, he's been raising

And, Fred, they've been increasing. In
fact, a veritable population explosion.

Would that too be love, sir?

Nightmare.