All language subtitles for Eight Is Enough s03e02 Nine Is Too Much

You see what I have here?

Aha!

Aha!

Now, swinging a tree like this will turn
you into a home run slugger in no time.

Thanks, Dad.

I considered giving you an aluminum bat,
but then I figured, what the heck? If

wood was good enough for the babe, then
it's good enough for my pal, Nicholas.

Dad, just because I got a new bat
doesn't mean I'm going to hit more home

You're 100 % correct, son.

It also takes the power of positive
thinking.

Every time you get up at that plate, you
have to just know positively that you

are going to hit that ball a country
mile.

Ow! Boom!

I got it. I got it. What's wrong?

I can't straighten up.

I can't straighten up.

Sure you can, Dad. Just think positive.

Can't do it, Tom.

Oh, you can't do it, Tom.

There's a magic in the early morning we
found.

When the sunrise smiled on every...

It's a portrait of the happiness that we
feel and always

will.

Oh, it is enough to fill our lives with
love.

Oh, we spend our days like bright and
shiny new dimes.

If we're ever puzzled by the change.

Wishes on the kitchen windowsill And
eight

is enough to fill our

Hey, looks like I'm chauffeuring a hero.

What happened? You hit a grand slam?

You made a double play.

Nope. No chance. Why was everybody
cheering you?

Well, I got us a new manager.

I thought you had a manager.

No, he moved, so we had to get another
one.

Congratulations. Who is it?

Dad. Dad?

You're kidding.

How did you get Dad to manage Little
League?

dad to the team and you haven't asked
him yet?

Mm -mm. Any suggestions?

Just one.

Duck.

No, I'm not taking back what I told you
in nutrition.

It's just that, um, well, I can't repeat
it right now.

Can you call me back after dinner?

Okay, bye -bye.

Thanks for the privacy, you guys. Hey,
don't have to... Look, Elizabeth, we

here cooking dinner long before you
decided to talk much.

No, it may have ruined your appetite,
but we still need solid nourishment.

you guys, it's not my fault. I have to
take private calls in a public kitchen.

Well, you could use an equally public
entry hall phone, you know. Oh, yeah?

Well, thanks heaps. Don't thank her.
Thank Tightwad Tom.

No, thanks.

Every time I mention the word phone,
especially extension phone, Dad has a

corner. Don't talk to Dad before I talk
to him. You'll blow...

and start beating me up.

Elizabeth, I'd say this definitely takes
priority.

Busted heads over busted hearts?

Maybe not.

Maybe there's a way to do this so that
we could encourage Dad to give us all

what we want.

I'll try anything.

Hey, listen, I've got a plan.

Nicholas, you go up there and ask him...

I don't... Dad, what are we going to do
about Nicholas?

Unless I can trade him in for a decent
column, I will do with Nicholas exactly

what I've been doing for the past nine
years.

Then you haven't heard it?

Dad, Nicholas needs you. Yes, manager of
the little league team.

Oh, you know, there is a point where
responsible parenthood ends and insanity

begins. You just found it. Dad, you're
always saying you should spend more time

with him. Yeah, and we're willing to
give up some of the time you spend with

And you could use the exercise.

Oh, no, no. I get plenty of exercise.
Just watch how vigorously my head

around my neck. Hey, Dad!

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were
busy.

Well, don't worry about it. I mean,
what's the difference? Just because my

column may become a blank page, please
don't let it bother you. Now, listen,

girls have already talked to me about
it. I don't care what they talked about.

just wanted to tell you this good idea
that just happened to come to me.

Oh, I suppose you couldn't happen to
just save it till tomorrow, could you,

please? No, I would forget. I was
thinking what a good idea it would be to

extension phones in everybody's room.

Of course, just for the grown -ups. I
don't need one.

Uh -huh, just a good -hearted kid.

So what's going on here? I thought you
were working.

What goes on is a little game called
Switch and Attack.

Switch and who? Attack.

It's a variation of good cop, bad cop.

The girls are trying to sell me on being
the manager of Nicholas' baseball team,

and the good Samaritan is trying to get
them extension phones.

You could stop lecturing, and maybe we
could vote on both suggestions, huh?

No vote. No extension phones, and no
managing the little league. Now, if you

get the message, maybe I can get back to
earning the bread that you all eat that

gives you the energy to interrupt me
while I'm working.

I think you're absolutely right about
not managing Little Lee. Oh, yeah? Thank

you. I'm glad somebody realizes I'm too
busy.

And even if you had the time, I mean,
the boys really need someone who knows

baseball.

I know baseball.

We're talking about manager's baseball,
not bleacher baseball.

Now, listen.

When I was Nicholas' age, I did a better
job running the Brooklyn Dodgers than

Leo DeRocha. In fact, if Leo had
listened to me in 42, they would have

pennant. Second guessing doesn't count.

We're talking about manager's baseball,
you know? Like picking the right player

for the right position, teaching the
fundamentals, arguing with the umpires

the heat of the battle.

I bet you don't even keep up on the
rules.

Oh, really? You mean now it takes four
strikes before you're out?

I mean that baseball is very complex.
Take the infield fly rule, for example.

Come on, who doesn't know about the
infield fly rule?

With two runners on base, the batter
hitting an infield fly is automatically

whether the ball is caught or not.
Wrong, wrong.

Right, right, right.

No, it's absolutely wrong. One runner
has to be on first base. Does it make

difference where the runners are?

You want to bet?

Yeah, well, I mean, it's un -American to
bet with a woman about baseball. Oh, in

other words, you're afraid I'll win, is
that right? No, no, I'll bet you. All

right, name your own stakes. A half a
dollar, a dollar, go ahead. Forget the

money, forget the money. If I win, you
agree to improve your baseball education

on my terms. Agreed. Agreed, okay.

You won't win.

You mean you won?

Read it again, Tommy.

And with bases thus occupied, the batter
hitting the fly ball within the infield

is automatically out.

However, only if there are less than two
outs and only if one of the runners is

occupying first base.

What does that mean? It means that you
didn't lose a father, but you gained a

manager. A what?

Nicholas obviously needs you, and you
need the education.

Hey, Dad, I'm really glad you're going
to manage.

That makes one of us.

Oh, I'm sorry, Nicholas. Actually, I'm
glad that you're glad, because we will

have fun together, I guess.

But it's not fair to my sisters.

Your sisters?

Yeah. I got what they asked for, but
they didn't get what I asked for.

Oh, now wait a minute. You may get me to
manage your baseball team, but I draw

the line to putting extension phones in
everybody's room.

I agree. No extension phones.

Absolutely. Right. I think we should get
the girls and Tommy their own

telephone. We can pay for the
installation, and they can pay for it

monthly earnings, and that way they'll
never use your telephone again.

That's the best idea I've heard from
that extended curfew.

All right, then we'll do it.

What? Assistant manager and team
trainer. You even get to wear your own

And now that doctors are allowed to
advertise, I might even let you have

name in the back of the game shirt.

Oh, no.

You're just looking for company in your
misery.

Oh, no, that's not it at all. It's just
that now I'm going to have to cancel the

racquetball, so I'm offering you another
form of exercise.

Babysitting nine -year -olds? I'd rather
be fat.

I think that you're afraid to show your
ignorance about baseball.

What ignorance?

Oh, I bet you don't even understand the
official rule on infield flies.

You are going to bet me about baseball?

How about hitting some infield flies?

Would you shut up and bat? No, no, let
me show you. You have to choke it more.

Give me the bat.

Which one's your dad?

Can't you tell?

Yeah, if I was you, I wouldn't admit it
either.

Don't choke me. I'm trying to help you.

You'll help me by getting down to first
base.

Don't hurt yourself.

Kid's got no hands, and he's too short
to play first base.

Well, everybody deserves a tryout. Yeah,
sure. You're the manager.

That's right. I am the manager.

What are you going to do about that
sorry -looking shortstop?

Okay.

Who's next on first?

All right, what's your name, son?

Gerson. Wow, what did you say?

Jason. Jason Conway.

Oh, thank you. I thought you'd like to
know Jason was catcher last year.

I mean, it's okay if you want to try him
out at first, but I think you're going

to find that he's a better catcher. I
appreciate your advice.

Oh, it's not advice.

I just thought you'd like to know that
Jason's a catcher to save you time.

Hey, Bob.

Watch it, Tom.

Okay, I got it.

Medic!

Come on, Tom.

Looks like another year we don't make
the playoffs.

You're not quitting on the first day.

Doctor's orders, which I just gave to
myself.

Tom, Little League can be very hazardous
to your health.

And our friendship.

I

thought

that we had a bet.

They all said it was only sprained.

How do I know?

I flunked the infield fly rule.

That just reminds me of the invasion at
Inchon.

Oh, no, there's no comparison.

Inchon didn't have parents on the
sidelines kibitzing General MacArthur.

Are you going to go through with this?

I shall return.

Phone company. Where do you want it?
Boy, people have said a lot of nice

to me on that front porch, but this has
got to be the nicest. Come on.

Hey, pretty sneaky, Elizabeth. What
makes you think our phone goes in your

Yeah. Actually, Susan, I think it's a
very central location. Uh -uh. Just

because this room is half yours, Nancy,
don't think she'll give you equal phone

time. Yes, she will. I will. I suppose
you think it goes in your room. Yeah,

not? Hey, now, wait a minute. It should
go in our room. I just got it.

You could put extinction phones in every
room. Now you're talking.

That's a good idea. Could you, really?
Sounds great to me.

Yeah, let me give you an estimate.

I never thought of that. I know.

$237?

Over my dead bank account.

Sorry, sir. I was just trying to provide
the maximum customer convenience.

In this house, convenience is one phone
in the hall.

The hall? That's not privacy.

Oh, Dad, can't we even have just a long
cord to go to each one of our own rooms?

Oh, please.

Yeah, we can pay for it. Okay, you work
it all out with Mr. Bell here. But

whatever they tell you, don't accept
anything but cash.

Let me get this straight. You want one
phone with enough cord to reach every

bedroom, right?

I'll have to measure, but that'll take
at least 200 feet of extension cord.

I'll have to come back tomorrow with
more material.

Matter of fact, I'll have to check with
my supervisor. We've never had an order

for 200 feet of extension cord. It may
take till next week. Oh, next week.

Mr. Bradford, listen, if you're not
going to use this chair, you don't mind

borrow it, do you? Sure, sure, go ahead,
borrow it. Burn it, I don't care.

Yeah, my chair's really uncomfortable.

Oh, darling, now remember we've hired
you as a secretary. No extra pay for

moving furniture. That's right, Mr.
Randolph.

Yes, sir. Well, this is an honor,
Elliot. What brings you downstairs?

Well, I just heard the good news.

They've invented a transplant for the
human back.

Work the kinks out.

I always did.

You know, managing Little League was the
happiest time of my life.

Oh, really? I didn't know that you had
time for baseball.

Oh, from May to September, I don't have
time to publish a newspaper.

Randy III's the same way. He was Little
League, you know.

Never would have made the Harvard Nine
without it.

That's really great.

I'm just sorry that all kids can't be
Little League.

You might point that out.

Point what out? In the column you're
writing, you know.

Sort of an insider's view of how Little
League helps to form the moral fiber of

the younger generation.

I didn't realize I was writing a column
like that.

Well, now, I'd never tell you what to
write, Tom. You know that.

It's just that, well, I've never been
able to express my own feelings about

all -American pastime.

Don't have your knack with words.

I visualize a brilliant tribute that'll
be picked up and reprinted all over

America.

Wouldn't hurt Tom Bradford.

Wouldn't hurt the paper.

I'll think about it, Elliot.

Sure, Tom.

Think it over.

Just a suggestion.

What is it about Little League?

Parents tell you how to manage.

Bosses tell you what to write about.

Wives tell you to lie still so it won't
hurt so much.

I don't think I'll ever be the same.

Hi, Dad.

How's your back?

Terminal. Want to try some of this stuff
on it? It's real good for loosening

baseball mitts.

I don't think it'll be so good for your
dad's back, Nicholas. What is it in

there?

Turpentine?

Oh, I'm not in. I'm not in.

It could be for someone else, you know.

Hello, Bradford residence.

Just a minute.

Some hysterical person on the phone
wants to speak to the, quote, misguided

Claude who moved Ralph Leversey from
catcher to sinner field, end quote.

The misguided Claude is not here.

Tom, come quick. You're not going to
believe this.

What is it?

Look. It's a moment in Bradford history.

For the first time in 20 years, there's
no line at the bathroom. That's right.

Of course, Dad, we're standing in line
to use our phones. Yeah, we have our

phones out. We have our own upstairs
numbers.

I got three hours work before this thing
can work.

If I were you people, I'd line up at the
bathroom.

that's for our misguided Claude. Do you
want me to field it? No, I'd like to hit

this one myself.

Right down the pitcher's throat.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Mrs. Conway.

Is that right?

This Saturday?

All right, if you say so.

Guess what? What? The Red Sox team has a
tradition.

All those monster parents that have
bugged us night and day, we get to give

a party.

So I really talked to him. I was able to
straighten him out.

And would you believe, last year, we had
a manager who didn't even know the

infield fly rule.

And this guy did clock.

Have you ever considered managing Little
League, Mr. Boyle?

Well, only in passing. See, I figure...

It'll be a better utilization of my
talents and experience if I wait and

out Bobby's college coach. Oh, yes, of
course. I'm sure that Bobby's college

coach will be very excited about that.

Excuse me a second. Oh,

I must see you, Mr. Bradford. You
haven't let Jason play catcher yet. And

he doesn't play catcher, he gets asthma.

Oh, gosh, I didn't know that.

He thinks you hate him. Oh, no. I love
children. I have eight of my own.

Then you know how I feel as a mother.

When Jason doesn't play catcher, I get
asthma.

Well, I'll do the best I can.

Excuse me a second. We'll talk about
this in a minute.

See, I don't care what position Stanley
plays. What's important is that the boys

have fun.

Oh, now that's my philosophy.

Hi, I'm Tom Bradford. Sid Fletcher, Tom.

Oh, really? You're the doctor?

Psychiatrist. Oh, I should have met you
sooner. Anyone that's willing to manage

a Little League team should have his
head examined.

Well, all you need is a little
preventative mental hygiene.

Just keep reminding yourself it's only a
game.

Child's play for children.

That's right.

There are people here that actually
think it's a war for adults.

Right. They think their egos are at
stake.

Exactly.

Listen, You wouldn't be interested in
being team trainer, would you? The job

open and... Bring my couch to the
dugout?

Oh, no, no, no. I would put you up in
the grandstand with the parents.

That's good.

Dr.

Fletcher. He's the only parent here who
isn't pushing his child.

Well, really? Well, how come you just
cornered me in the kitchen for a ten

-minute sales talk on Stanley's genius
for psyching out the other team?

Hey,

Dad, how's your bath? Oh, don't remind
me.

Always if I can forget it.

You should have lifted so many potato
chips at the party last night.

No, actually, the party made me forget
my back by giving me a headache.

Oh, who could that be? I told Nicholas I
didn't want any of his friends to

disturb me on Sunday morning.

Well, unless Nicholas is in the middle
-aged playmate, they don't think that's

the problem.

Oh, no. You know who it is? It's that
Bobby Boyle's father.

Somebody told him we're not home.

Too late. He already waved at me.

Looking good, looking good.

Concentrate now. Bear down, bear down.

That's fine.

I guess I didn't make myself clear, Mr.
Boyle. Our next practice is Tuesday.

Yeah, but our first game's in only two
weeks. I figure if you keep ignoring

Bobby's pitching arm, we're in big
trouble.

So I want you to see it when you've got
time to concentrate.

But it's Sunday.

No problem.

Baseball's my religion.

Okay, Bobby, show him the spitter. The
kid's got a spitter. Stay right where

are, Bobby.

Hey, come on, be fair, Bradford. Don't
tell me you're not even going to look at

the kids.

I've looked at Bobby, and I've looked at
you, Mr. Boyle.

In fact, I've looked at all the parents
that are turning a pleasant pastime into

a gruesome farce. You may not be happy
with the way I'm managing this team, but

I've got some good news for you.

You won't have to gripe about it
anymore.

In short, I've just resigned.

Okay, so I quit. I'm sorry.

It was monopolizing my life. My job was
suffering.

Not to mention my back.

All right, you want to know the real
reason I quit? I'll tell you.

I cannot put up with those busybody
meddling parents calling me up in the

of the night with their threats and
their cajoling.

Play Barbie here.

Stanley has to bat clean up.

It's ridiculous.

Can you picture Reggie Jackson's parents
calling up the manager of the Yankees

and telling them that we don't want
Reggie to play right field?

Do Don Sutton's parents go barging into
the dugout screaming and yelling at

Tommy Lasorda for pulling out Donny Boy
in the ninth?

It's all right, Tom. We understand.

Don't we?

Sure, Dad.

Yeah?

I mean, uh, your own life comes first.

I understand, Dad. We have a crummy
team.

Oh, no, Nicholas, please. I didn't mean
that. I mean...

Please, somebody explain to him what I
mean.

All right, then how can we keep losing
managers?

Well, because it takes a lot of time and
devotion. I mean, you have to make a

big commitment.

Oh, one of your favorite words.

Elizabeth, there are commitments and
there are commitments.

And then there are commitments to
Nicholas' team, Dad.

Yeah. So what are we going to do for a
manager?

Oh, listen, I'm sure there's plenty of
people who'd be happy to take the job.

Who?

You?

Why not?

That way we'll keep it in the family.
It's just a simple... Full transfer of

power. Oh, come on. Be serious.

I mean, what do you know about managing
a little league baseball team? Well,

besides the infield fly rule, I do know
a few things about motivating children.

Oh, there's a lot more involved than
child psychology.

I mean, there's parent psychology.

How can you deal with those vultures?

Hopefully better than you.

You, a baseball manager. That is a
laugh.

Well, look at it this way. I couldn't do
a whole lot worse than you.

Oh, you couldn't, could you? We'll see
about that. I give you one day with

little uncoordinated nine -year -olds
and their egomaniacal parents.

One day and you'll come crying to me to
bail you out. I see.

Oh, look at this.

You ought to have your head examined.

Not bad. Not bad at all. What do you
think? What do you think? One day. I

you one day.

Oh, that's pretty heavy stuff.

Who are you crucifying, child beaters?

I haven't seen you so worked up since
Nixon fired Archibald Cox.

Hey, listen, are you sure Randolph's
going to run this thing?

Hey, listen, you're attacking a sacred
institution.

Little League is right up there with
Apple Pie and Mom.

And Randy the Third.

Listen, why not, right?

What's a few thousand dollars in
advertising revenue anyway?

See you at the unemployment office, huh?

Oh, Dad, it's you.

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry to disappoint you.
It's me.

Listen, would you tell Abby that I'm on
this phone, please?

She's not home.

What do you mean? I just called our
phone, and the line was busy.

Oh, that was me.

Now, wait a second. I thought that the
reason that we had this phone installed

was so that you would have an open line.

But, Dad, I couldn't tie up this line.
I'm expecting a crucial phone call from

Lenny, but I had to talk to Connie to
find out if she was going out with John

before I could talk to Lenny. You
understand?

Vaguely. All right, never mind, never
mind. Just tell Abby, where is Abby?

is she?

She's at the baseball field with
Nicholas' team.

Oh, really?

Oh,

the poor woman.

Not

much

defense.

Not much anything.

At least we got a picture.

My son Bobby.

Hello,

Mr. Bradford.

Oh, hello.

Well, if it isn't our ex -manager.

So how's retirement treating you?

Well, it's very peaceful.

So you got your better half standing in
for you.

Yeah, she insisted.

You don't have to worry.

As long as she's got Bobby singing him
in the air, she doesn't have to have

else.

Where's she got your kid playing?

Right field.

Oh, yeah.

Siberia, the baseball diamond.

You know, Nicholas has a very good arm.

You're right.

It's got a terrific arm.

So how did it feel today, champ?

All right, I guess.

You guess?

Well, it was okay until Abby switched me
from short to...

To right field. And she gave shortstop
to Stanley Fletcher. And he can't catch

for beans.

Stanley Fletcher is no shortstop. You
have a very strong arm, Nicholas. You're

going to waste out in right field.

I'll have to have a thought with her.

Better do it delicately.

Very delicately.

You haven't the slightest idea of what
you're doing.

Well,

now, Nicholas does not belong in right
field.

Who's running the team anyway?

You are. I am simply trying to make a
constructive suggestion.

Well, I thank you very much, and I will
think about it, along with the

suggestions of all the other kids'
parents.

You know, you're acting like a typical
Little League parent.

Me? That's ridiculous.

Oh, is it?

Big problems, huh?

Oh, I don't know.

If you call having an infield like Swiss
cheese and an outfield of

malcontents... and only one pitcher who
can get the ball over a plate without it

bouncing first, big problems, then I've
got big problems.

Pitching. Now, that's the crux of your
problem.

Pitching is the cornerstone of a
successful team. Can you get me Tom

Ah, beautiful.

Go ahead.

Go ahead. Oh, boy, chuck it right in
there, Nicholas. Go on. I tell you, with

this gadget here, we're going to make a
real Tom Seaver out of it. A little more

follow -through. Go on.

Little falter. Go on.

That's it, isn't it? Go on.

Tommy? No, no, no, you have the wrong
number. This number belongs to Tom and

Abby Bradford.

If you call information, they will give
you a listing for the Bradford children.

You have that number?

Well, then why are you calling it?

Oh, you've been calling that number, but
the line is busy. So you thought...

Well, let me suggest two alternatives,
Marilyn.

One... Sweat it out. You might just get
through to them by tomorrow or to send a

telegram

Okay, bedtime, champ.

But, Dad, it's only 8 o 'clock.

You don't want to be tired tomorrow.

I'm looking forward to big things from
you.

Dad, do you really think I'm ready to
pitch?

Oh, absolutely.

You've got a great arm. You're going to
blow it right past them.

I sure hope so.

Don't worry about a thing. Just get a
good night's sleep. Keep that right arm

under the covers.

Now, I want your pajamas on and the
lights out at 10 minutes.

Good night, Dad.

Good night, Nicholas.

Good morning. Not a moment too soon.

Go on right up. Now, if they get
violent, just hold them at bay until I

there.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five,

four, three, two, one.

service order right here.

Dad,

go away.

Dad. Good morning. Can't do this, Dad.
No, but I already have.

But it's our phone.

But your phone is located in my house.
It's the law of eminent domain.

But we paid for it. Wrong. I paid for
the installation and I'm paying for the

-installation. It always comes down to
money, doesn't it, Dad? Yeah.

Dad, why are you doing this?

Well, because life in this house with
one phone was much simpler. Simpler?

because for the past week there have
been twice as many calls in this house

ever before. Because our phone,
remember, mine and Abby's, has been

tied up with people trying to get
through to you because your phone is

constantly busy.

I don't like being an answering service.

Let's just call it a noble experiment
that failed.

Will there be anything else, Mr.
Bradford? No, no, that's it. Just send

final bill.

And get out of this house, fast!

No, wait!

We're not getting... Tyrant.

Practiced.

Listen, Max, I'm telling you, as your
doctor, it's okay to walk on it. It's

a sprain.

Besides, you don't want to miss
Nicholas's pitching debut, do you?

Oh, no, no, no, he's not starting,
but...

By the time Bobby Boyle walks in the
first four runners, Abby will be going

the bullpen.

Yeah, right. Well, all right, wonderful.

I have to run now, but I'll see you
there at 3 .30. Right, bye -bye.

Tom, I'm glad I caught you. Oh, listen.
This article. Mr. Randolph, I have to

run now. I really do. I'm awfully sorry,
but I have to pick up Nicholas in 15

minutes and get him to the ball field in
time to warm up. But the article is not

quite what I had in mind. Oh, well, then
you rewrite it and put your name on it.

Son, keep those balls low.

Right, Dad.

And don't walk anybody.

Bases on balls can kill you.

Cut.

Take your place. Nicholas, Nicholas,

go toss the ball around with Freddie,
okay?

Okay.

Honestly, I was pushing out only in the
dugout. Okay, okay, I'm going, I'm

going. But remember, don't hesitate to
go to the bullpen.

Okay, for the lineup.

Jimmy Sanchez is going to lead off, and
then Stanley Fletcher, and then Kenny

Galtz is batting third, and then Bobby
Boyle is cleanup. Everybody got that?

Ready?

Let's go.

Okay, let's get it together. Come on.
All right.

Excuse me, please. Sorry. Pardon me.

Well, look who's here. The manager's
great hand man.

Isn't she at least going to let you
coach first base?

No, Mark, he's just projecting.

Chase, he was up till midnight,
wheezing.

Oh, hi, kids.

Hi, I said.

Oh, the telephone, huh?

One thing about this family, they're
sure quick to forgive.

Oh, there's a friend. Hi, Max, come on
over here.

What did you bring your bag for? I'm not
taking any chances around a baseball

diamond again.

You just settle back.

You enjoy the game. It's going to be a
real hump day.

Nervous? Me nervous?

We can't get the ball over the plate.

Kids swung at ball four.

So, uh,

how are you feeling, Nicholas?

Okay.

Remember, you got eight other guys out
there, and all you have to do is get it

over the plate, okay?

All right. Okay.

Did he call it the ball?

Jesus, your Lord.

It's okay, Nicholas. You gave it
everything you had.

Come on.

It's just the first game of the season.
There'll be plenty more.

But I didn't do it. You did. You did.
You pitched two good innings.

That's not enough.

All that work that Dad... Dad?

Dad's feelings have nothing to do with
it.

Uh, Dad's feelings have everything to do
with it.

So am I.

I did everything you said. I kept the
ball low and I didn't walk anybody.

Nicholas, you did just fine.

But I lost the game for us.

It doesn't matter.

It shouldn't matter. I'm the one that
made a big thing out of it. Not you.

I don't think you even wanted to pitch
in the first place.

I didn't mind.

You didn't mind.

You just didn't want to disappoint me.

And you didn't.

I disappointed me.

Huh? It's a complicated thing, Nicholas,
between fathers and sons, and it's been

going on long before you and me.

You mean you're not mad?

Hey, what do you say we go for a big
pepperoni pizza and a couple of ice

cold root beers?

I am kind of hungry.

Then let's make it two pizzas.

Come on, pal.

Two miles.

Three miles. I bet it's still going.

Oh, hi, Nicholas. How's the game? I
don't feel like any small talk, thank

Never been so embarrassed in my life.

Stretcher!

Dad!

What's wrong with him? Today was the
exhibition game between the team

managers and the parents in their annual
free -for -all. I didn't even want to

pitch.

Dad was pitcher.

He walked up to the mound, and he took
his signs from the catcher, and he

started his big wind -up. And instead of
throwing the ball, he threw out his

back.

Hello?

No, he's not. Hi.

Who's that for?

Dad. I said he wasn't in. What do you
mean? He's in. I'm in. I'm in.

Sorry, Dad. I'm tired of being an
answering service, you know?

Thank you.