All language subtitles for Thin.2006.WEBRip-HBOGO

Betty?

Hello? Betty.

Alisa?

I thought you were first.

Okay, you're going to have
vital signs today, Atta.

I wanted to see
if there's any marks.

Okay, and turn them over.

Okay, turn around, please.

Okay, now I need you
to drop the back.

Okay. All right.

Are you feeling safe, Atta?

- Yes.
- Okay.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

97.4.

You're more blue today.

The capillary refill is good...

but her nail beds are more blue
than pink today.

But her fingertips are warm.

86 over 49.

42. What happened yesterday?

I don't know.

I think you do.
Did you eat dinner?

No.

Have you been getting dizzy?

Yeah. I always do.

Take your purse.

Take your jacket.

Thank you. Don't touch nothing
were going to search everything.

What I want you to do
is just sit down and relax.

- Now, we do have a safe.
- I know.

Okay, any large sums of money
you want to lock up.

Okay. You're responsible for anything
you lock up in your wardrobe.

Okay, lock your wardrobe
at all times.

Keep the key with you at all times.

- Welcome, my dear.
- Thank you.

And good luck.

Thanks.

So, this is our dining room.

And what you'll see is posted
all around the dining room...

we have some
of the dining room rules.

We ask that you don't bring any bags,
backpacks, purses, blankets...

jackets into the dining room.
For obvious reasons.

We don't want anyone
hiding any food in there.

Now, don't touch with your fingers.

Did you put anything in it? Or have
you been putting anything in it?

I haven't touched it,
I didn't have a 60cc syringe.

Have you been putting anything
in it, though?

- No.
- You take all your meds orally?

Yeah, and then I mean, I was doing
two feedings but not now.

- Not for the past three days.
- All right.

Any suicide attempts?

No, but very close.

Tell me what very close means.

I'm a nurse and I've taken
some insulin from the hospital...

and it took a lot not to
just inject myself and then...

once, I was crushing up my pills
to just push down my tube.

And I don't know, I just stopped
because I couldn't...

I was living at my brothers house
and I couldn't let my nephew...

and my brother and my sister in law
find me. And...

Probably it was the most,
and my twin sister...

it's probably is the reason
why I didn't do it.

You have a twin sister?

What medication was it
that you were crushing?

Diaproxo, Serapro, Trazidan,
Ambien, Clonopin...

I had been saving them.

It makes me so sad
to think of that.

- You want the...
- No, I...

You can pop it in my hand,
I've got water.

Thank you very much.

What, darling?

Thank you very much.

Hello.

So confused that when they
talk about people...

and I don't know who they are.
I thought your name was Angie.

You thought my name was Angie?

Where the hell did you get Angie?

I thought that's what you said.

- Angie, Polly, Angie, Polly...
- I don't know.

You all want to know
the smoke porch rules?

The rules for the smoke porch
are totally different...

from the rules in there.

You can talk like...

calories and numbers
on the smoke porch.

- We don't care.
- We don't really do that.

You can stuff ash on the smoke porch,
in fact we do it quite often.

You can make fun of other residents
on the smoke porch.

That's not a problem.

Confidentiality and actually
confidentiality does, work here.

- It's secret out here.
- Yeah.

I was supposed to go
to Disney World...

the first week in June
with all my family.

I spent my birthday, Christmas,
and New Years in the hospital.

That sucks.

I had this whole trip planned
for my birthday on Monday...

so they're still celebrating
my birthday without me.

I came to Renfrew
after a suicide attempt.

Over two pieces of pizza.

That was not, obviously
not the whole reason...

why I tried to kill myself,
that was just...

kind of the straw that broke
the camels back, I guess.

Dieting has always been
a huge part of my life.

I remember all the things that are
symptoms of eating disorders...

that we know of now,
being taught by my family...

to cut my food
into really small pieces.

And chew very slowly
and take your time and...

you know, always drink water
in between...

so that your stomach
fills up faster.

I was counting calories
and counting fat...

by the time I was eleven.

"Happy Birthday to you"

"Happy Birthday to you"

"Happy Birthday, dear Polly"

"Happy Birthday to you"

Thank you, guys.

- All right bend down.
- Oh, sorry.

One, two, three.

Okay, one more, because I have only
10 minutes to get this thing down.

One, two...

Happy birthday, Polly.

To cookies and cupcakes.

Okay, is this going to count
as one of my free desserts?

So that's superb.

It's like really, really sweet.
Like really...

like not good sweet.

See, I wanted a bran muffin.

Just stick the candle in it.

Because this like, really sucks.

You can do it.

I'd take a bite if I could for you.

What's wrong?

I'll take it away, so proud of you.

Thank you both, very much.

That's so bad I can't stand it.

This is Community Group...

welcome to Community.

Would somebody like to tell us
a little bit about Community Group...

and read for us and give us
the rules of the group?

I will.

Thank you.

This is community,
this is where like, you can...

do confrontations, ask or receive,
support, what else?

You can't, you have to have
the stick in order to talk.

No weights colors or numbers...

what's said in the room,
stays I the room.

No three or four letter cuss words.
Okay?

Today, I know that I'm taking
a huge risk at lunch...

and I just wanted to ask for support
and getting me through it.

Because I'm not sure...

if I'm going to be able to.

So, and I know I have to...

because it's best for me.

Okay, this is going to be
kind of hard...

and if I get out of line,
let me know.

Speaking just for me...

it's hard for me, Brittany,
to support you...

or to offer support to you.

Because you've been here for like,
three or four weeks...

and like I've told you before,
you offer great advice to people...

but it's almost like,
you completely refuse...

to accept your own advice.

My feeling is that you...

want to be the sickest one here.

Stop.

Now, Brittany, I'm going to
just ask that Polly finish...

and then we can give you
a chance to speak, okay?

No.

Now, why are you so worried about
what other people think?

Because that's what I've always
cared about my whole life.

That's the reason why I lost weight
in the first place.

When I was about eight...

I became a compulsive overeater
and closet eater.

I started dieting when I was 12
because I had bad body images.

And a lot of my peers
were a lot thinner than I was...

and I was just always that,
the big girl.

And, so I wanted to change
that image.

When I was eating nothing...

my mom would force me to eat
a lit, at least anything.

But then, I would purge that.

The purging started like...

when I was 15.

I kept it secret for about a month
and then I told my mom.

She knew, she just
didn't know what to do.

She was, because she...

she has an eating disorder also.

We would do this thing
called chew and spit.

And, it would be...

we would have
the greatest time with it.

Like, we would buy bags
and bags of candy...

and just chew it
and obviously, spit it out.

We just thought of it
as a good time.

We didn't think of it
as a problem.

And, it was.

Gosh, I'm still getting used...

to your hair.

I know it's really light.

All right, you going to have with it?

Some fresh vegetables, yeah.

- Something's missing.
- Why are you shaking?

No, I think I'm good, ready?

- The dairy, get a yogurt.
- No.

You guys are nutritionists now.
If I'm eating healthy so are you.

Do they send monitors
to make sure you finish it?

Yeah. No, no, no they don't,
they trust you.

You trust me?

That's bitter.

I think I don't know what that is
if it's zucchini or not but...

I think the yellow stuff is okay.

Squash?

- What is it?
- It's a black bean burger.

- Is that, is it vegetarian, is it?
- Yeah.

You want to try it?

Should I?

Sure. I'll cut off a piece.
I don't like the roll.

I'll try the bean
and I can't eat the cheese.

I'm already having dairy.

"I think Shelly just has..."

"this sort of a warped image..."

"of what 82 pounds looks like."

"To her, that looks really good."

And I wonder
what that stirs up in you?

"It scares me terribly because then
I realize how thin she really is."

And then, the other day we were
at the beach and she asked me like...

"Say straight up, Kelly's not here.
Do you think Kelly's big?"

And she doesn't even
weight 100 pounds.

"I'm telling you,
it's her twin sister."

And it's not that I don't think
that she's thin.

I just I don't know it's...

I don't want to look
exactly like her.

But I don't want to be bigger
than her, either.

Right.

And it seems like
there is that competitive aspect.

And if I get bigger than her
that's like the end of me.

Like, everybody just
loves her and...

"Do you know what is sad, though..."

"is that everybody feels
that same way about Shelly?"

"You know,
that's how she used to be..."

"before the eating disorder got her
so depressed and everything."

I used to have a personality.

- Hi, what's your name?
- Alisa.

My name is Vality,
and nice meeting you.

- You too.
- I just wanted say it to you.

We work on a level system here.

That means that every patient
who enters comes in at level one.

Level one is kind of a base...

and then you move up the levels.

Each level, basically affords you...

different privileges...

and if you get pushed down a level,
it affords you different limitations.

But we're going to work...

toward the positive direction.

And when I was seven, my mother
took me to the pediatrician for...

I think it was an ear infection
or something.

And the pediatrician said,
"What are you going to do about..."

"your daughters weight?"
And my mother said...

"What do you mean what am I
going to do about her weight?

"She's seven." And...

"And what's wrong with her weight?"

And he said, "Well, she's fat."
And he said, "She's fat...

she's seven years old,
this is baby fat."

They started me with the dietician
when I was seven years old.

I remember specifically
it was a 1000 calorie meal plan.

And after I took off six pounds,
they gave me a Snoopy notebook...

and I thought that was
the greatest thing, but it wasn't.

Because, it was
positive reinforcement, but...

- "Hey, this is great."
- You're going to smile for me?

Every few weeks or so
I would binge and purge.

I would just do it over and over
and over again.

For three, four days
and it usually wound up...

resulting in dehydration
and hospitalization.

Because I would also
use diuretics...

use hydrochlorothiazide and laxatives
and enemas and...

ipecac.

I can tell you about
one particular binge...

there was nothing enjoyable
about it.

I started out that morning
at Dunkin Donuts...

and I'd gotten
a dozen doughnuts.

I went to Burger King...

and had gotten three biscuits...

and they give you like,
bacon and cheese croissant.

Then I went to McDonalds...

and ordered a few
breakfast items, as well.

And then,
I went by the grocery store...

and picked up a few items
for after breakfast.

Two half gallons of ice cream.

Two bottles of whipped cream...

and they had
these little pastry things.

And peanut butter,
and marshmallows.

I went home
and had the doughnuts...

and the breakfasts from McDonalds
and Burger King.

But at that point, I was so stuffed
I thought I was going to die.

I think I had chest pains
and I, so I purged.

And then, had the rest of it.

And then for lunch,
went out and did it again.

And you're restricting?

Yeah, it's usually restricting.

I try to keep my calories...

under 200 a day.

I tried so hard to find satisfaction
through other accomplishments but...

nothing measured up to this one.

And I remember at one point,
years ago thinking...

so be it.

I mean, this is what I really want.

This is the one thing
that I want so bad...

I just want to be thin.

So, if it takes dying to get there...

so be it, at least I'll get there.

- I want to have this.
- Okay.

And you're finished eating at 20
until sign out for your table.

Not a problem.

Hey, Brittany, come on in, sit down,
make yourself comfortable.

How you doing with your fluids?

I don't know, I just hurt a lot.

Like, fluids can make you
bigger than food does...

- and that...
- Who told you that?

A lot, it's flying around.

Well, you should listen
to your nutritionist...

or should you listen to
the other eating disorder patients?

I know, I should listen
to my nutritionists.

Fluid, precious fluid,
just so that you know.

Are you acting out
on any other symptoms...

I was going to talk to my therapist
about it.

- Why, what?
- Purge, purging.

Purging? Are you purging?

- I have been.
- When are you purging?

I did it probably at least 12 times
when I've been here.

You purged 12 times?

So, how come when I'm asking you
how you're doing...

you never bringing that up?

Because, I've never had
the openness to say it.

- Did you purge last night?
- No.

No, when's the last time
you purged?

- Two days ago.
- Okay.

I just hate getting bigger.

I don't know if I want to talk
about it anymore.

You know, you're here to get help
and we want to be able to help you.

But part of that
is this isn't a locked facility.

You know, and you need
to be honest with us.

I'm glad you're honest with us now,
however...

I think you've spent a lot of time
here not being honest with us.

Because, you know,
eating disorders...

are about hiding things
and secrets.

So, you know,
you need to get over that part...

if you're really serious about
getting better.

Hey, mom it's just me, I've been
trying to get a hold of you guys...

for a while now,
but I'll just keep on trying.

But I really need to talk to you...

and, it's really important.

So, just try to keep a line
open for it, bye.

Hello?

She's on the other phone,
hang on one second.

I'm okay. Yeah.

Yes, very.

It's like you mix your college,
high school, elementary school and...

Hello?

Yeah, hang on.

I mean, it's like Alcatraz...

you dump out your luggage
and search everything and...

with gloves on and stuff
and it's like, so humiliating.

Hello?

- Brittany?
- I'm right here.

Well, we switch phones.

Hello?

No, finally.

Okay, I'm not doing good,
I want to go home.

But mom, I don't want to
stay here anymore.

I just want a break.

But it's been a month, mom,
I'm not getting anything out of it.

How much money are you spending?

Mom I can't live with
this guilt how, how much?

Yes it is, mom, this is going to be
on my back forever.

Parents usually have their own idea
of what an eating disorder is...

you know, what's been going on
with their child.

And I'm interested in hearing
what you make of this stuff.

I think it started...

when she went up to Utah.

There's a lot of things
that led into it, but...

She does have an eating disorder,
she does have problems...

I believe a lot of psychiatrists
has prescribed a lot of medicine...

that she is hooked on
and she can't get off of it.

Are you saying that there was a lot
that played into it...

leading up to going to Utah?

Well, me and her mother
had a divorce and...

her mother drug her up there
to Utah, and...

Utah's a different. I don't know
if you've ever been there.

It's different,
nobody eats vegetables...

- they don't eat good food.
- Right.

They walk their little dog
in the afternoon, stuff like that...

and, I believe she got
into the habits of, up there in Utah.

And peer pressure her get,
you know, her friends and all that.

I think that led a lot into her
being the way she is.

I don't think it's Utah
and I don't think it was because I...

I haven't worked hard enough.

But I'm just like,
really scared of...

being independent and being
responsible and being on my own.

I am.

It's really hard to be here,
it's like, giving up...

all the control that you had,
or you thought you had.

You know, because it's kind of
a control thing for me...

like I can control what goes
into to my body, and you know.

It's like, you're just,
your mind is consumed with...

all of these negative thoughts
about yourself and I don't know.

I'm just not happy anymore, dad.

Ken, I'm wondering what it feels like
for you to know that...

as much as you want to,
to solve it, you know...

you may not be able to,
it's really in her hands?

I mean, just, are you a parent?

- No, no I'm not.
- Well, you have no idea then.

Well, tell me, I want to have
an idea of how it feels for you.

It...

it hurts, it hurts inside.

It hurts inside to know
that you're sitting right here...

and you got a little daughter
that's hurting...

and there's nothing that you can do
to help her, you know.

There's actually nothing
that I can do to help her.

Chocolate?

What's that?

What's going on, Shelly?

I'm just having
a really hard time with these...

Just think of it like this,
once you get your body healthy...

you'll never, ever
have to look at a resource, again.

Okay. But it's just I had something
to drink for my table for so long.

I know.

Look at all
the support you have.

Here you go.

Here.

Cheers.

You go, Polly,
taking it like a man.

That's right.

Purged yesterday, didn't you?

Like, no.

Are you using that tube
for anything?

- No.
- Then I need to know about it.

- Are you sure?
- Have I lost some weight?

Because after the two resources,
I slipped out and I started to purge.

- Purge through the tube?
- Yeah.

I started to but I stopped.

Did you get anything out of it?

- Well, yeah, a little.
- Okay.

- But not a lot.
- Okay.

- Okay, is that it?
- That's it.

Thanks.

Every picture that I have from,
well, I'd say the past five years...

most of them,
I have a tube in my nose.

My dads like, "Oh my child
can't have a tube in her nose."

And, so he took me to the doctor
and I get put under...

and I wake up with a tube
in my stomach.

It's horrible,
it's the worst pain I've ever felt.

When I first got it in, I was like...

"Well, this is like easy access
to my stomach."

I could flex muscles in a certain way
and stuff would come out.

Or, I would just take a syringe
and like, suck things out...

which is totally disgusting, I know.
But, I had to get it out of me.

And, it wasn't even like a binge,
it just anything I ate.

I guess, I ate like a couple bites
of bread, I would get it out.

It was like, I love, I don't know
I was like a good feeling...

because I didn't have to throw up.

I just had to suck it out
with a syringe.

What I'd like you to do is
to do an outline of...

what you perceive to be
your body image.

Stand back here for a second
and take a look at it and tell me.

What you think
when you're looking at it?

I think it's about accurate
but the arms might be bulging out...

just a little too much.
But it's a stocky person.

Stocky man?
It does look pretty masculine...

so I'm just curious
as to what that means for you...

with your eating disorder
and your body image?

That this is the kind of image
that you see of yourself?

Yeah, I think that
I'm short and stocky.

What are your thoughts?

I don't know, for a fleeting moment
I thought no it can't be.

You made a mistake,
you went too far.

What do you think,
looking at this now?

I see problem areas.

All right, we're going to do
Shelly first.

She had a pulse deficit yesterday,
62 to 88 in the morning.

And they repeated one at 1.00
in the afternoon...

and it was 78 to 115.

She did admit to me yesterday
during vital signs...

that she's been purging
through the tube...

letting it come...

right out of the tube.

Well, I guess, we're learning.

And I think probably she's being
more honest right now...

than she has ever been before...

in her life.

But on the other had,
I think there's a part of her...

that really wants to go back
to the eating disorder...

go back to abusing substances.

She's not real happy with the fact
that I took her off...

and she's on the Librium detox.

She's reported to me on Monday...

that she was having a really bad
degree of depression and anxiety.

And basically was sort of jonesing
for me to give her some anti...

more antidepressants
or something like that.

How's she doing in terms of therapy?

Therapy has been going quite well.

She is trying to do things
differently.

This time she says, is being open
with everyone and honest...

with everyone and not lying
the way she says she has been...

in the last six years of treatment.

See, I get a very different feel
from her, Adam...

I think she's very sneaky,
I think she's very manipulative.

She missed several supplements
over the weekend.

She was not consistent at all.
She did do them yesterday.

But I don't trust her
as far as I can throw her.

We just have to ask her
to cooperate with us.

Hey, Shelly, how are you?

Probably not going to be very good?

Well, welcome to Team.
It's good to have you back with us.

Shelly, part of what I you know,
we're concerned about...

is the purging, your pulse deficits.

We know you're going to...

get the tube taken out tomorrow.

And, you know, we just want to...

hold you for a little while...

you know, just to make sure that
you're medically stable...

that you're physical condition
is okay and you know...

you can move on from there.

The thing that bothers me is
I've been taken off all my meds.

No, offense,
and that has really like...

made me more anxious
and more depressed and...

I just want to go home.

Polly? Hi, Polly, thanks for coming.

Come on in and have a seat.

Polly, I'm going to go ahead
and give you some feedback, okay?

The team is feeling like you've been
doing some hard work...

so we want to acknowledge you
for that.

And in particular, also looking at...

those feelings of anger,
taking risks.

I know you took
a risk in community yesterday...

and I think that you got
good feedback from...

the rest of the community there,
it was very appropriately done.

But I guess,
what we want to tell you is...

that we want to recognize
your hard work...

and that we would like
to give you a Level Three...

so, I think that, you know,
it's well deserved.

And just, we want to keep
seeing you rise to the occasion.

Okay? So, don't stop working.

- Okay. Thank you.
- Okay?

That's it, well done.
Good job.

I did it.

So you happy
to have the tube coming out?

- No, you want it to be in?
- Mixed feelings.

Really?
It's easier with it in isn't it?

- So bad I was purging through it.
- Yeah.

- Is that what you thought?
- Yeah.

You're such a beautiful girl
I hope you, you are.

You have a great personality.
Try and enjoy your life.

It's okay, mom.

I bet you get enough preaching,
I'm sorry.

All right, regular bumper.

Good. Okay. Open.

Machine down.

She can't have anything
to drink now either.

Shelly, hi, we're all done.

How you feeling, okay?

Does this shit last all day?

Feels pretty good, right?
Yeah.

- She looks like having fun now.
- She's chillin.

What did you give her just dope or?

Yeah, she's just enjoying the ride.

Okay.

I don't want recovery.

I don't want anything to do with it.

I want my children to have
a normal life, but I don't want it.

Do you know
why I went in the Air Force?

No.

Nobody knows
why I went in the Air Force.

To this day, it's a mystery
why did you go in the Air Force?

I went I the Air Force
to lose weight.

In the middle of Desert Storm...

and I went in the Air Force
to lose weight.

I thought if I live a lifestyle,
I will stay thin.

My strong feeling is that...

there is a part of you
that wants recovery.

Not for your children, not to appease
your family but for you.

The kids.

The kids, I don't want to
leave them without a mother.

They didn't ask to be brought
into this world.

And they're the only thing
and people in my life...

that I've ever known
how to love, like, truly love.

I don't know how to show
love to people.

And in a way
they're the better side of me.

They're all the good in me.

And I have an opportunity
to do it all over again...

with them and do it right this time.

But I haven't...

and I can't seem to do it.

Hang on, Polly.
Hi, how are you, Polly?

Freaking.

I just wasn't born to get insurance.

Says I'm done next Wednesday.

Okay.

Unless, and, you know, just was
kind of thrown on me...

just like this.

I got to go and I'm freaking out.

And then Shawn said,
"Well, she's at Level Three...

and she's maintaining her weight."

So, you're planning on leaving
on Wednesday, then?

- Well...
- Because of the situation?

I mean, insurance is saying that...

they're not going to cover
anything else.

You know, we're looking at
the extended care option.

I don't feel ready to go
into extended care.

I don't feel ready to go home.

You know, I would encourage you
to talk to Peggy, first.

I would just relax, don't panic.

How do you relax when you get hit
with this on Friday?

Well, we never discharge people
that fast.

We need more information,
looks very tough for you.

And, you know, we'll follow up.

You know, I got to go
to the damn beach right now...

and I don't want to go anyway.

I wasn't I haven't wanted
just not in the mood.

I just no beach, bathing suit,
you know...

that whole thing,
eating an ice cream.

You know, it's a lot for...
I have to prepare for this...

I'm hit with insurance.

It's great to see
how motivated you are, though.

I mean, you really want to recover.

And if I got home right now...

You're just not ready.

I'm going to no, I mean,
I'll be right back.

- To where I started.
- Yeah.

That's great.

If this appeal is denied
then I have no insurance coverage.

In fact, they want me to stay
until Friday at least.

I'd be asking my parents to fork
over 4500 dollars for nothing.

I wouldn't get shit
out of the next three days.

And, I mean, I could move straight
into extended care...

but they just told me
I'm not going to be able...

to have my same therapist
that I've had for nine weeks.

Everybody else that moves
to extended care...

keeps their same therapist,
but mine is too busy, she said.

I noticed that a couple of you are
struggling through the meals today?

I wonder what's going on
for you guys.

Is there any way that you can
look at it as just...

just bread with cheese on top of it
and tomato sauce on top of it?

Tell me what's going on?

What's making it hard for you
to eat this today?

It's a hard thing to eat anyway.

I don't need this
on top of everything else.

I wonder if we can give support
to Polly at our table.

I really don't want to talk.

Okay, you don't have to talk.

But you know, we can provide
support for you, all right?

- "Hello?"
- Mom?

- "Yeah? That's okay."
- I'm sorry to call you at work.

- You got a split second?
- "Yeah."

I need you to book me a plane ticket
as soon as possible.

- "Why?"
- Because I'm coming home.

- "No, you're not."
- Yes, I am.

- "No, you're not."
- What do you mean "no, I'm not"?

"Because I just talked to Peggy,
what's her name..."

"and you've been extended
through the week."

- No, I don't want to.
- "Why?"

Because, they're going to throw me
with a whole different therapist.

"Look at this as an opportunity
that God has opened up a door..."

"that you apparently need."

"You have been so fortunate
to be down there in the first place."

"And I think you know that."

"You have got to get
the right attitude."

Mom, I'm trying to have
the right attitude, look I've been...

- Oh, shit.
- "Quit saying shit."

Sorry, what time
do you get off work?

Because it's my cigarette break
and I've got to have a cigarette.

- So why I don't lose the weight?
- I don't know.

Maybe you need to eat...

a little less but more often?

I work a lot...

I move my body like a crazy.

I think I'm very stressing guy.

So how I don't lose weight,
I don't know.

Well, you're losing weight.

Yeah, I lose it but not the way
I want to lose it.

You're going to have to go
to After View with the patients.

- To process...
- To process it.

Now, you got that sticker for me,
how lose 40 pounds...

Do I look like I have the secret?

Do I look like I have the secret?

No.

I was talking to Becca about it.

She was asking where we were
going to go and I was telling her.

She's like, "For three hours?"

And I was like, Becca...

"Michelle and I both
got our degrees in literature."

I was like, "For us
going to a bookstore...

for an hour and a half
is heaven."

- I know.
- She said, "I can totally see that."

You're such a good liar.

That is perfect.

And the big one in purple,
the small in red.

It's the symbol of recovery
from an eating disorder.

I signed that paper.

- What, saying that...
- "No tattoos, no piercings."

I know and I'm so wanting
a piercing too, while I'm here.

- I can show Shelly.
- Okay, we can show Shelly.

But I don't know
if we can show anybody else...

because it's almost like
a trust thing.

- Kylie?
- Kylie I can trust.

But, that's it.

Well, we can't make a big deal
about it when we go back.

What are you guys in like
a halfway house or something?

No, do you want to know
the true story?

Yeah.

We have eating disorders
and they're making us fat there.

- They're making you fat?
- Yeah, they're trying to pork us up.

Why, dude?

- Because...
- Don't get fat.

- Oh, no, I'm done.
- Yeah, I'm done.

Yeah, we're both
just working to maintain.

What do you guys do, you guys puke,
or you guys those kind of people...

- where you eat and puke?
- No.

- Restrictors.
- You're what?

- Just don't eat.
- Don't eat?

Yeah, but we do now.

I mean, I've been there
for nine weeks.

That's horrible,
you should always eat.

You know what you do
is eat six small meals a day...

rather than three big ones,
it speeds up your metabolism.

Thanks a lot.

This is really, how come
it's a hundred now?

Because it's a pain in the ass
for me to work on.

But I would think you getting to work
near my crotch area..

Sure.

Should be, just cost less.

It's done, we're going to
close the door.

- Why?
- Well, I'm going to tell you.

Did he ask
why you were getting that?

- We told him.
- You did? Is he hot?

- Yeah.
- He's a mute.

We're kind of miss it,
we'll be on for later.

- So you just can't let it out.
- Who'd I tell?

Did you tell Kylie?

Yeah, come in.

You can't tell.

Okay?

Sweet.

Okay, wait.

One, two, three.

Cool.

- What time is it?
- Eleven?

Okay.

Come, come.

You're going to go on backwards.

Yeah, I know. It's blind way.

Yeah.

Go.

Okay. Body check.

That's, okay, let me see this.

Well, that's still from the...

That's so much better.

- And this is from the iron.
- Yeah, but it got better?

Yeah, that's healed.

No new scratches or anything?

- Oh, no, no, no.
- Okay.

Thanks.
Is my blood pressure okay today?

Yes, your blood pressures good.
Pulses, your pulses are good.

There's no pulse deficit,
you're good.

And the weight good?

- I can't tell you.
- I know I ask you that every day.

I know, so then why do you ask?

Because I think that maybe one day
you will tell me.

- Who's next?
- Me.

Okay, all right, be good.

Me, me, me, me...

Are you taking all your fluids?

I'm drinking all of them
and I drink more than that.

- Okay.
- 2.7 pounds in one f♪♪king day?

I'm going to kill...

I mean, not really. Sorry.

Well, you're next.

I'm next?

Let me see.

One minute, my Polly wally.

- Are you ready?
- Yeah, you're the one who's tired.

I love you, Polly.

Did you make your bowls yesterday?

Of course, I shit every day.

I can always count on you for that.

Okay. You made your bowls
yesterday.

Son of a bitch. Yes.

You're going to need a resource Plus.

I need a lot of things.

I did, too.

That bagel was
in a million pieces.

I ate my entire bowl of cereal.

Yeah, but that's one. The starch.

You're giving me shit
about 90 calories...

and a quarter gram of fat
and you're not.

- And a bagel?
- Those bagels only have...

- One eighty.
- One eighty.

- One sixty.
- One, but I ate half.

And, there's only
half a gram of fat.

Don't you think
that's kind of hypocritical?

No.

- Yes, you do.
- I had four starches on my plate.

- More starches on mine.
- I don't care.

Obviously, you need it.

Oh, you see it now?

We have Shelly to do.

She's resource plus for less
than 100 percent and weight loss.

She's down 1.4 today
and she'll need one.

She was also down on Monday
but she refused it...

and it was reported that there was
a partially digested veggie burger...

found in her room.
Diane found it.

I really feel like
she is purging now.

She's very pale and washed out.

- I agree with you.
- She's up to something.

We really, we have to be careful
and watch this clique...

that's forming between
Shelly and Polly and Kailee also.

It's not a good thing.

I think we just need to keep
a close eye on the alliances...

that are happening in the community.

And I think there's going to be
much more potential for acting out...

that we need to kind of be aware of.

Shelly?

- Hey, Shelly.
- Hi.

So, we're worried about
you, Shelly.

You're starting to get back
into that world...

that you've done other times
in treatment, where you're...

where you're screwing up.

This is a position you tend
to put yourself in again...

and again and again.

And the fact that in your room
was found a garden burger...

that was partially eaten,
we don't know.

In my room?

I haven't had a garden burger
for the past week.

I guess, what I'm saying to you
at this point is...

I don't trust you,
I'm being honest with you.

I think you came in here
with good intentions.

I give you a lot of credit
for being here.

I think you can do a lot of work.

But I'm concerned about the people
you're hanging out with.

The pulse stuff is,
there's a couple of things.

It's not that one thing.

We're going to move you
to partial day room...

and you're going to be
in a position...

where you can prove yourself,
once again.

- Is that it?
- That's it.

I'm not purging, and I'm not
going to say it anymore.

Like, I'm not going to, I feel like
they were just wanting me to say...

"Yeah, I am." And, I'm not.

I would tell you, I would not
be here if I was purging...

why waste the money?

Well, do you understand
why you wanted to leave...

Yeah, because Jodie
doesn't trust me...

she flat out told me
and I don't trust her.

She wants to make me a big,
fat ass. And, I'm not..

I just really feel
that something is up and...

Nothing is up!

What I want you
to understand though...

is I understand how it might be
really difficult for you to say.

Oh, my God!
No, it's not difficult to say.

- If I were purging, I'd tell you!
- Great.

I'm not f♪♪king throwing up.
God.

So, how is it to be challenged
right now and not be trusted?

That's the bigger issue here.

Yes it is and I'm going to put...

that challenge back on you.

- Everybody trusts you?
- Not everybody.

Okay, I want you to think
and sit with that, right now.

I don't want to sit with that.
I want to get the f♪♪k out of here.

Okay, you can.
You signed your 72.

One little thing is that
you have to understand though...

the language has to be different.

Because it's just disrespectful
to everyone.

Sorry.

I'm all f♪♪ked up again.
Sorry. I can't stop it again.

When are you leaving?

She said Monday, but my mom's
playing out Sunday...

so I'm leaving Sunday.

You don't really think
your mom's going to let you come?

Especially if somebody's
f♪♪king framing me.

I feel like I'm in jail,
like I'm supposed to confess...

if they keep me in long enough.

Because that's why I know
that jail people confess.

I said that, I was like,
now I know what it feels like...

to be interrogated.

I was like, no wonder
so many innocent people confess...

because if you keep them
in one room and sit there...

I'm like, somebody
better f♪♪king admit it...

because I am not taking
the blame for this shit.

Where's the lighter?

No, imagine having to do
this seven days a week...

you get woken up at 5.30
in the morning, you know.

I'm that fat. I'm serious.

No. No, I'm not going to even
answer that question.

I know but mom, you said
if I got fat you would tell me.

I would. They're just trying to...

I know Mom, I can't trust anybody.
They don't trust me.

Why don't they trust you?

Because somebody put
a garden burger in my room.

Somebody that snuck it
out of the cafeteria.

Signed a 72 hour form
to withdraw from treatment.

You think that's the answer?

No, I got so mad, that people
don't trust me here.

But you've got to realize,
this is part of the healing.

I mean, and part of the stuff,
you've got to go through.

And you've got to gain trust back.

I know.

But, I've been doing that lately.

Do you know how many times
you've said that?

I know but this time
I've been honest with everything.

Well, I hope so, I really hope so.

Night.

I'm in trouble.

All right.

Just stay here.
Night, Kailee.

I better go I'm already in trouble.

Well, you're the one
that fell on me.

Bee-ach.

One of the reasons why I think
all of you are here...

is because you're life
was very unmanageable.

So you came in here
and the structure that we have...

and the rules and policies
and procedures...

are to really get your lives
more manageable.

And I guess what I'm most
astounded about right now...

is just things that I'm hearing
in the community and number one...

the blatant disrespect for staff.

And when people are smoking
in their bedrooms...

it's a very big safety issue
for everybody in this room.

And when people aren't really found
the structure...

it puts all of you, as well as staff
in an unsafe place.

I want to see a show of hands.

Who really wants to be here
and who wants to get better?

Okay.

So think about that,
raise your hands.

And I really want to hear
about the distraction.

Polly, you want to start?

Well, I just wanted to apologize
to everybody in the community...

I was smoking in my bathroom.

And, that was against the rules
and I knew it was against the rules.

So I was, you know, putting,
I guess everybody at risk...

if there was a problem,
a fire or whatever.

Were you the only one smoking
in the bathroom upstairs?

You were the only one?

People, not otherwise, this is...

this is a place to come
and talk about that.

I can't lie, I was in there...

once or, well, twice.

Okay, you were in there, too?

Okay, thank you.

I wanted to...

you know,
I just figured I'd take the fall.

That friends take falls for friends.

And...

Well, talk about that.
Brooke had her hand up.

I was in the bathroom smoking, too.

Okay.

Polly, I got to say I'm frustrated
that she asked you...

a direct question and you said,
that you were the only one.

And she said to you,
you were the only one?

And you said, "Yeah,"
and you had the integrity stick.

You didn't have to say names,
but you were lying again.

And that just frustrates
the hell out of me...

maybe because I do it,
I don't know.

But it just frustrated me.

And I'm sorry about yesterday,
all the screaming.

I'm sorry about my language.
I'm really trying to work on that.

But it's when I get in a place...

where I feel like
I'm being controlled.

I get angry and I do swear.

But, another thing was...

I just feel like I can't trust
a lot of people.

Especially, when somebody
won't admit to what they've done.

And if somebody had food,
I mean, I don't mind, you know...

because I'm already got dropped
from my bathroom slot...

and everything.

If anybody did that, you're only
going to hurt yourself...

and I'm honest about
everything I eat.

And I do leave stuff on my tray
that I'm not going to eat.

And I do say I'm not going to
do this but at least...

I f♪♪king had the balls
to tell somebody...

that I'm not going to do it.
And, I don't hide food.

And I don't purge
and I don't exercise, I don't.

And I would, I can't lie anymore.

I'm like, I feel too guilty.

That's why I couldn't let Polly
take the blame.

And I knew I was going to
do it today...

because I knew
she was going to try to.

And I knew, I mean,
I can't lie anymore.

And I'm sick of lying to myself
and I am going to...

if I stay I am going to remove myself
a lot from the community...

and focus on myself more.

But, because I do
want to get better...

and I know that people around
do have an influence on me.

But it's my fault because I let them
but I am going to try harder.

So, that's it.

A lot of the people
in the community said...

we're here for our own recovery
and we can't get sucked...

into this negativity.
And we have to...

Just, it was rampant.

Yeah, and we have to all
really try to recover...

and we have got to do this
for ourselves.

And what happened also was,
that apparently...

Shelly was accused of taking
a garden burger...

and throwing it away.

That somehow the story got told...

that it was in her room.

It wasn't in her room.

It was in the bathroom
down the hallway.

It turns out that
Samantha admitted...

that she was the one
who threw out the garden burger.

And she's the one
who's been hiding food.

So, that's the story
of the garden burger.

- Hello.
- Hi.

Nice to meet you.
Jodie Crumbwell.

Becky.

Both Becky and Shelly have
a lot of questions about food...

and weight gain. So let's try
to get that in the open.

I'm done gaining weight.

Is that a question
or is that a statement?

Yeah? That's...

I just feel like
this is a good weight for me...

I'm really uncomfortable,
it's too much food, Jodie.

I would be a very bad nutritionist
if I stopped you...

from gaining weight now,
because you know...

one cannot be healthy
in their 80th percentile.

You know,
and you're in the low 80s.

- Well, I'd like to differ.
- I'm never thin, I'm never thin.

What weight are you looking at?

I feel that Shelly needs to
reach 100 pounds.

I think that a girl her age
and her height that's normal...

you know, I mean,
I know you hate to hear that but...

I like you a lot,
I really want to work with you.

I know you've been
a little bit angry at me...

this last couple of days.
And everybody else around you.

You haven't apologized yet.

Apologized for saying
I didn't trust you?

- No.
- For what?

The garden burger culprit
fessed up.

- I apologize for that.
- Thank you.

Yes, I do apologize.

And it wasn't even in my room.

I do apologize for that
it was told to me that...

it was in your room. Again,
I wasn't there when it happened.

No, so I'm sorry,
I didn't see it for myself.

- Are you Shelly?
- No, I'm Kelly.

- You're not Shelly.
- No.

- Shelly's sister?
- Yeah.

- I like your hair.
- Kelly.

So, I'm just going to be honest.

Yeah, why don't you be honest.

We're 25, you have a college degree
and I am totally like, I know...

I understand you're having
a hard time, Michelle.

And I understand all that.
But it's time...

- I know.
- It is time to get going.

You know, I mean, you have to,
you act like you don't even want to.

- I don't have the time.
- I know.

Mom is like, "I can't do anything,
I don't want her to die."

And that's what you do, Shelly,
you get down to 80 pounds.

That is not, it's not even funny.

I mean, it's not, it's like
you're going to drop dead any time...

and you don't realize that.

I don't want to say get a grip,
but that's what I'm trying to say.

Because, it's getting old.

I'm sick of it.

- Of what?
- I'm tired of worrying.

I'm tired of feeling like a bitch
because...

you don't think I care and I do.

I just, I'm trying to just do
my own thing, too.

I just, I feel so weak
compared to her.

It's so stupid.

And I think I yell at her
and scream at her...

mainly because she looks
like me and because...

I want to, like,
because I hate myself so much...

that I just yell at her
because she looks like me...

and I feel like I'm yelling
at myself.

Let's do a sweep and make sure
we get everybody in here, please.

Okay.

All right.

We feel like we're needing to support
the community a little more...

and I don't know people
that may have been here before...

we do something
that we call room searches.

This again, is really to continue
to support you.

People that may be struggling,
people that may have contraband.

And obviously, some of the things
we're looking for are the things...

that you know, you shouldn't have.
Gum, candy, sharp objects.

Cigarettes, any kind of food,
sugar, salt, mustard, ketchup...

those kinds of things.

Never a dull moment. Shell.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Well, at this point...

Well, people put shit
under my pillow and...

We can kind of tell
there's something up there.

Tape measure.

- That's it.
- Okay.

Send me some people
up here, please.

- Polly?
- "Soon as I get somebody..."

Yeah.

Robin had all
these packets of sugar.

- Robin did?
- Yeah.

Wow. What's she doing
with the sugar?

Evidently, storing it.

- Did we get anything on Shelly?
- Yeah, Shelly had...

Where's hers?

Here's Shelly.
I saw the cigarettes.

You know what, she has one
of the candy things so that makes...

Let's see if this pill
is the same here.

Okay.

300 milligram Neurantin,
mood stabilizer.

Hopefully,
that's something she's on.

F♪♪k.

What did they find in your room?

I had f♪♪king Neurantin
in my room, f♪♪k.

Polly just came up to me
and I feel like I'm really stuck...

because she's like, "Did you
tell them that it came from me?"

I'm like, "Well, f♪♪k,
who else would it come from?"

Because, I don't take 300.
I take 600.

And, I was like,
"No, I didn't tell them."

So, she doesn't think
that I told you guys.

So, if we could keep that
a little bit...

because she's like,
"This depends on my life."

I'm like, "F♪♪k, I already told."

How do you feel about
her putting you in that position?

It sucks.

I would suggest that today...

I just can't live without this crap
in my head the rest of my life.

- What crap?
- Like, all just about food...

and wanting to be thin
and controlling it and...

Like, I can't go on my whole
f♪♪king life with that in my head.

Like, if it's not allowed,
then I cannot do it.

All the time, you can't fight it
every moment of the day like I did.

Okay, but I tell you that
sometimes things that we say...

that we think aren't connected
in here tend to be.

So we start talking about stuffing
your feeling down...

putting on a happy face...

and then from there,
we go to the food.

And I really do think
they are connected.

I think that when you do
assert yourself...

when you do take care of yourself,
when you're able to not have to...

put on an act for people,
those symptoms will subside.

Yeah.

I wonder if you had thought about
what we talked about yesterday?

About things from the past that
you think you might have gotten...

over that you really maybe didn't?

Yeah.

- So, I'm not over it.
- Okay.

I'm over it,
but it effects me still.

Still f♪♪ks up my relationships.

Shelly, is it possible that
the whole eating disorder...

a great deal of that
is carrying around things...

that you feel are really terrible...

and hard to talk about?

I get the feeling that
you carry things with you...

that you think are unspeakable,
literally unspeakable.

- I mean, I don't tell anyone.
- I know.

Is it all right if I tell you?

Nice to be woken up with this.

We wanted to gather
the three of you together...

because we are having
some major concerns about...

some things that have gone on.

In particular, things that
sort of came up...

in the room search yesterday.

And we feel that the three of you
have information that we feel...

is very important that you get
kind of honest about.

Some integrity about...

so that you can work
on your own issues here...

but also so that we can get
the community safe.

Who'd like to start?

This is like, the hardest thing
I've ever had to do...

because it really sucks.
Whenever you have a friend...

Polly, they know
it was your Neurontin.

You know, I'm sorry
I didn't tell you but...

Can you take ownership of it
and share it?

I gave it to her
in the first week she was here...

because she was having a hard time...

and had just been pulled off
of everything.

It was just really hurting.

I felt really like,
torn between two sides.

- Torn?
- And really confused.

What were those two sides?

Well, the side of me that...

doesn't like to lie and feels
really guilty about doing it.

And, then this side.

Polly, just being a good friend
and that was hard, you know?

And you say that, you know...

friends wouldn't have put you
in that position.

But if my friend were having
major anxiety, too...

I probably would have done
the same thing.

You're talking about
a potential life and death.

I mean, to give somebody else
medication...

you know, this was not under
the care of a psychiatrist.

That, you know,
what kind of friend is that...

when they're really jeopardizing
your life?

She is the ring leader,
she's got a lot of negative power.

My concern is...

- You have more?
- Yeah.

- Yeah, come on in, guys.
- Okay.

Thank you, guys.

- Shelly?
- Yeah?

I think what you did was really hard
and really brave and...

showed me a lot of guts
and integrity.

Keeping the secret is destructive
to you, to both of you guys.

That's why we came back in.

What do you want to tell us?

We both know
that a couple weeks ago...

Polly and Michelle Graff
got tattoos together.

What are the two of you guys
worried about at this point?

I just hate when people
get mad at me.

- I don't.
- Okay.

The community can only be
as healthy...

as the members
that are in the community.

Okay. And if people
are holding secrets...

and when somebody else
is asking you to lie for them...

then it takes away from you
and your recovery.

I give the two of you a lot of credit
for being willing to go there...

and I think you just need to stay
in that space.

I think it's real clear that
we need to get Polly...

like, out of the community,
because she's a very negative..

Absolutely.

Giving influence on them.

She's a, a bad seed.
Just tattoos?

I know, I wonder of what and where.

Okay, I think it's going to be
a bumpy night.

- "Hello?"
- Mom?

"Yes?"

We need to start making arrangements
for me to come home.

I'm sitting here with the team
and they are asking me to leave.

"I want to know why?"

Because I lack integrity.

"Things that she did
were done weeks ago."

Their issue is that
I was given opportunity...

to confess these things
and I didn't.

"Please give her another chance."

"I mean, she knows
she's wrong, please."

"There is nothing here
to help her."

"There is no support system
for anorexic individuals.'

- Susan this is...
- "Please, I'm begging."

"Please let her stay
and if she does one thing..."

"I'll never say another word."

"Her dad will not pay it ever again,
if you send her out."

"And I can't afford it by myself."

"This is truly it."

Again, we have to kind of look at
where Pollys at.

- And what's she's willing to do.
- I'll do anything.

Okay, but Polly I think that
we've been down that road before.

Is it possible, Susan to make
discharge plans for Polly?

Can we get something set up for Polly
to leave tomorrow?

"I'm sure you want her out
as soon as you can get her out."

- Well I'm so...
- "I'm so mad at you all."

"I know she has made mistakes
but you are making a mistake..."

- "to turn her away."
- Okay.

And certainly we understand
your frustration.

"No, you don't. You haven't had
a daughter in this situation..."

"you do not understand."

Well, I think you and her dad need
to talk about it in a different way.

Is that what you know,
it's really not us kicking...

"It's easy for you to say,
you don't know him."

I'm so sorry, mom.

Hey, I just got kicked out.
Thanks, you all, appreciate it.

Oh, my God, my family.

It's like fighting.

I never thought I'd ever see the day
where I'd be throwing up again.

I'm just too exhausted
to fight it right now.

Come here, sweetie.

You don't want to no drop me
a line, you hear? Okay?

Just make a card to tell me
how you're doing.

I love you, okay, sweetie?

- Sorry, Polly.
- Don't apologize.

It's not your fault,
I brought it on myself.

You have to be okay.

I'll be fine. I love you, Shelly.

I love you, too.

God, this sucks.

Sweetie, don't f♪♪k up like I did.

Thank you for my stuff.

- I thought you'd like it.
- Yeah.

Just be good.

All right.

All right, sweetie.

I'm totally like,
completely missing a flight.

- Can I smoke in your cab?
- Yeah, you can.

- Hell yeah.
- I smoke, too.

I just have to say you know, this,
a lot of suns, a lot has happened.

It seems like, the last week,
the last week and a half.

What does everybody think?

Last week we talked about
it's just so negative here...

and it's so chaotic
and so dramatic.

But only we can turn that around.

And I was feeling at my lowest
a few days ago.

But the fact of the matter is...

the other night,
I really thought about it...

and part of me
for a fleeting moment...

imagined a better life.

And maybe, no pun intended,
but wants to taste recovery.

I was talking to a group of people
and I said, from here on out...

I mean, there may be days that
I don't want to get out of bed.

And I don't think I could go on.

But I'm going to give it
everything I've got.

And so I made a pact
with a couple people in here.

That I was going to do it.
And, they said, "Okay, I'll do it."

And you know, really the only
requirement to join this pact...

is number one,
you need to make positive choices.

You need to be willing to not break
the rules here in anyway.

And you need to be willing to try
to give it everything you have.

So, if there is anybody else
who would like to join me...

in turning Renfrew into
a positive place?

Stand up.

Thank you.

I just want to say that...

for you to say that...

coming in from the state
that you were in the first day...

I just admire you for being able
to stand up and say that.

I'm really nervous about going home.
Because I don't think I'm ready.

I want to still lose 40 pounds
to get to my ideal weight.

I have my first day that
I'm going to be back, planned out.

And, there's no food involved.

- Do you want to...
- No, I want to go home.

You going to wait with me?
Just sitting?

But you don't have to come off.

- Look, the scars almost gone.
- I just want it off.

You're crawling out of your skin?

I want it off, mom,
you don't understand.

I want it off.

I'm wondering, Brittany...

if leaving is just bringing up
a lot of things for you right now?

And, that somehow this isn't about
trying to deal with feelings...

that are coming up for you
at the end of treatment?

Both Allison and I want to work
very hard with you right now...

to try to keep things
kind of put together.

We know it's not fixed, we know
there's still a lot of things to do.

But I think there's a piece of work
you need to do right now...

which is about being able
to say goodbye...

and to get ready to move
onto the next stage for yourself.

And if you go into crisis to much
with not eating...

and you know, maybe talking about
how you're going to...

you're adding to your eating disorder
or get unsafe in anyway.

Those are going to be things that
are going to just distract you...

from dealing with the feelings
you're having about leaving.

I don't feel comfortable with
you leaving...

because I don't feel like
you're ready.

I'm actually
scared to death for you.

And that's something
that's not really easy to say.

Because as much as I want you
to do good...

and I really, really do
want you to...

just the fact that you're already
slipping and you're still in patient.

- Do you want treatment, Brittany?
- If you don't want it...

My mom's forcing me.

She can't force me to do something
that I don't want to do...

because she can't get in my head
and control me.

How old are you, fifteen?

Jen, what kind of things
could you have avoided...

had you gotten help at fifteen?

Goddamn, I would have enjoyed
so many things.

I looked back at 12 years and said,
"What do I remember?"

I remember sitting at tables.

I remember going...

to Thanksgiving dinner
with a pre-packaged meal for me.

And just sit at the table with
other people eating my food.

While everybody else
is enjoying Thanksgiving.

It was embarrassing
and it was shameful...

and now I'm 28
and I'm a little girl with no period.

And my boyfriend said to me...

"I want to spend the rest of my life
with you...

at the rate we're going,
I'm going to bury you in five years."

I don't want any one
to get mad at me.

- We're not mad at you.
- We're not, we're your friends.

Brittany, what's the difference
between being mad...

and being concerned about somebody?

I don't want anyone to be concerned.

We see that someone we care about
is basically killing themselves.

I just want everyone to let me die.

I've watched someone die.
It's not a pleasant sight.

And I can't imagine losing a child.

I mean, try to think about
your mother.

She wanted you to have life
and now you're just ending it...

because you want to be thin.

My son is...

is everything,
my kids are everything to me.

I chose to bring them
into this world...

he's an innocent kid.

And when he was two years old,
I used him to feed my disorder.

Every night, got to give Josh a bath,
got to give Josh a bath.

Take him in the shower,
turn him this way...

so he could play with his toys
while I did this down the drain.

That's pathetic, disgusting.

I lost a child to bulimia,
I've miscarried.

That's what life becomes.

I don't watch TV,
I haven't seen any movies...

I have no friends.

The only thing in my life is this.

I get on the scale,
I get off the scale.

I go out and run, I come back.

I get on the scale,
change my underwear seven times...

before I leave the house
in the morning.

I change my clothes
over and over and over again.

At 2.00 in the morning.

It's the only thing that matters.
That's pathetic.

No, I miss doing that.
I miss it so much.

I was really great then
and that's what I wanted.

I know you're in high school
and you're surrounded by it.

Please, please...

There's so many thin girls
and I'm not one of them...

and I can't take it anymore.

- She's being so honest.
- I'm so sick of it!

I hate me,
I've always been overweight.

And, I'm never going to be thin.

I'm so sick of this.

I'm so sick of it.

Say about your mom,
why would you do this to yourself...

if I'm in the position as you.

- I want to be thin.
- It's going to hit her one day.

I'm in the same
exact position as you..

Shelly?

I want to kick it.

Very good.

I feel like you're going to leave,
I'm going to be the only one here.

I don't have anybody to be down with.

If I had money I would stay longer.

I can't even imagine myself like,
sitting by myself, what do I do?

What do I do with myself,
like, I am not used to that.

What if this kind of shit happens
when I'm by myself?

I don't know.

Is that it?

I think that's it.

If you don't mind,
I'm going to sign here.

So, you have plans for this evening?

- No.
- What are you going to do?

- I don't know.
- Is it going to be okay?

It's going to have to be.

Okay.

You can call us if you need us,
you know that? You know our number.

Yes, 1-800-Renfrew.

Seriously, if you're not
going to be okay, pick up the phone.

- Okay, I will. Thank you.
- Okay?

Because, you've worked very hard.

- Bye, thank you.
- Thank you.

You ain't getting no tip now.

I have a tremendous
amount of respect...

for how hard it is
to do what you've done here.

It's very difficult.

We're done.

All right, Adam.

Bye.

- You go and you have fun.
- I will.

Promise?

- Okay.
- Bye.

What are you getting?

We're going to start with the nachos.

Like to get the wings, wings,
wings, 10 of them, yeah.

Can I get
that Calimari Caesar Salad, but...

can I have the dressing
on the side?

I'm going all out tonight,
it's your last night.

We're going to do this
like real people do it.

- Whatever the hell that is.
- I'm nervous.

What about going home,
what have you noticed about it?

Hating it, and hating here
so where do I go?

I'm eating your kids food.

Fine, we'll eat it
like normal people.

Bye.

I love you.

- You're doing okay?
- Yeah.

- Well, call me.
- I will.

- I'll call you when I get home.
- Yeah, call me.

Okay. Bye.

Anybody want a cone?

Mom, we're hungry.

- What?
- We're hungry.

You're hungry?

Get out of here.

Go.

Go on.