All language subtitles for Last.Man.Standing.S06E21.Bad.Heir.Day.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-NTb

Mike:
- I figured Batman never did --

Oh, hey, Mrs. B.

Hey, Kyle. Hi, there.

[ Groans ]
Hey, hon. How are you?

I got you, babe.
- Hi.

Hey.
- Come here!

Oh! Mm.
- Mm. Mm.

Oh, my goodness!
[ Giggling ] Oh!

[ Normal voice ]
What was that all about?

I'm just happy to see anybody
who's not Kyle.

I live with him,
I work with him,

I try to leave without him,

but he hears the jingle
of my keys... Mm.

...and hops
right in the truck.

You know, they're living here
to save money for a house.

You thought
it was a good idea.

I-I know,
- but they saved enough money.

A great way to celebrate --

Get their own place.
- Oh!

Well,
- we're not gonna kick them out.

I -- You just need
a little break.

Why don't we go away
for a few days,

take a little vacation?

[ Gasps ]
A family vacation?

We're in!

Yeah. Oh, it'd be nice
to see you guys

outside of
work and home.

And let's not
forget the truck.

Let's not forget the truck.
Uh, listen.

No, we weren't talking
about the whole family.

Oh, good. Thank God.
[ Laughs ]

No sense dragging
- those other losers to Paris.

You know, I've never been
on a family vacation.

Well, one time
the trailer we lived in

rolled into a ravine,

and there was
- some stagnant rain water,

and we all swam.

I wish I had pictures.

I'm sure child services
has a few pictures of that.

Guys, we'll have plenty of time
to reminisce on vacation.

Mom,
let me pack for you.

I mean, I will have to be
seen with you at dinner.

Let me kick 'em out.

Hell no.

I'm doing it.

No, seriously,
it was my idea.

No, I--
I'm gonna kick 'em out.

You know, I've got --
I'm going to --

-- Captions by VITAC --

What are you looking at
so intensely?

Oh, 5'10" of gorgeous.

A one-bedroom apartment.

Oh, does Vanessa
know you're leaving?

Will she throw a party?

Oh! Can I throw a party?

It's not for me.

If I were leaving,

I'd be in a motorcycle
with a sidecar

with a dog named Boo.

I'm kicking Kyle and Mandy
out of the house.

Ah, it's about time
those kids got out.

It's the right thing to do.
- Sure it is.

They're married,
living with me.

What are we, Italian?

It would have made sense 100 years ago --
- Yep.

large families
living together,

working
the same fields,

sharing
the same bath water,

getting
the same diseases.

Maybe it never
made sense.

Well,
what about Kyle's mom?

Does she ever
help him out?

No, no.
She's an awful woman.

She's neglectful,
- she's selfish, she's mean.

I'm surprised
- I was never married to her.

But still,
I mean, she's his mom.

I don't he even knows
where she is.

Last he heard,

she was working on
- a men's roller derby team.

Oh. That's terrible.

Kids should at least know
where their parents are.

I didn't much care
for my dad,

but I knew
where he was --

in the living room
screaming

"Wheel...of...Fortune"!

After all
Kyle's been through,

do you really
want to kick him out?

Not just Kyle --

I'm also
kicking his wife out.

Roller derby.

Wait, roller derby --
That rings a bell.

Maybe I was married to her.

Wait a minute.

♪♪

Hey. How was the park?

I poked a dead squirrel
with a stick.

After he picked it up
and played with it.

Go wash your hands
right now.

I named him Dan.

You said
I couldn't have a pet,

but now I do.
- Okay.

Thanks for taking him,
Eve.

I love my son
more than anything,

but to keep it that way,
Mama needs breaks.

Well, the kid sure has
a great imagination.

It must run in the family.
Yeah, you know what?

Everyone thinks that Ryan
is the creative one,

but should have seen
my last menu board.

[ Chuckles ]
- I drew a pig with a top hat.

Just saying.

So, uh, Boyd told
- all the kids at the park

that Ryan is
an international spy.

Okay, listen.

Um, lately Boyd's been
a little bit self-conscious

about his dad's job.

[ Gasps ]

Ryan got a job?

Homeschool teaching
is a job

that pays in smiles.

Did I say that
with a straight face?

Ugh. Poor Ryan.

His son
is embarrassed by him.

It would be a real shame
if he found out.

N-No, no --
Don't you dare tease him.

Sweet little Evie? Pfft. I would never.
[ Scoffs ]

♪♪

Hey, how about this?

400 square feet,
1 bedroom, 3/4 bath,

newish carpet...
[chuckles]

...smokers welcome.

That sounds terrible.

It's on
the far side of town.

I think
they'll like it.

Hey, Mom.
- Hmm?

I'm really sorry about
what I said yesterday.

You can wear
whatever you want.

Paris is a big city. We'll never see you.
- Ah.

Well, perfect timing.

We have something we want
to talk to you guys about.

All right, you found out
about my goldfish.

I know.
I should have told you.

I'll pay for the water.

It's not
about your goldfish,

and, yes, you will pay
for the water.

Are you pregnant?
Ooh!

Nobody's pregnant.

Well, my goldfish is.

Yeah, she can barely fit in her
little castle. [ Chuckles ]

I know this is probably

gonna come as a shock
to you two --

[ Door bell chimes ]

Ooh, Uh -- Let me --
I'll get that.

I'll get that.
- Okay.

Kind of left us
hanging here, huh?

I mean, you could just
tell us what it's about.

Oh, I could.
I could.

Um, I...

Uh, b-but first I need
to hear about your goldfish.

So, uh --
So, it's pregnant, huh?

Yeah,
it wasn't when I bought it.

I have quite a mystery
on my hands.

Hey, Larabee.
Come on in...

Hey, Baxter.
...but make it quick.

I'm throwing
a going-away party.

I-I've been thinking about

how Kyle didn't know
where his mom was,

so I --
So I tracked her down.

So, that's what you do
during the day

while shoplifters
- carry canoes out of my store?

No.

I called a guy I know in county records.
Oh, no, no.

You didn't give him
Kyle's phone number.

He doesn't want to be in touch
with his mom.

He doesn't want to know
about her.

He doesn't have to worry
about that now.

She's dead.

Oh.

That's -- that's --
that's terrible.

Yeah.
- She died three months ago.

Whoa.
- Yeah.

How'd she die?

Rodeo accident.
- What?

How should I know, Baxter?

They just said she was dead.

Yeah.
Thanks for telling me.

I appreciate it, 'cause right now...
- Yeah.

...I was just about
to tell those two

they had to move out...
Yeah.

...but I couldn't do that now.

Well, you are kind of
a terrible person,

so...you could.

I couldn't do that.
- Right.

Could I?

No. Damn it!

♪♪

Yeah, I mean,
I was looking forward

to being a father,

but 500 to 600
goldfish babies?

That's a lot of weight
on one man's shoulders.

I mean,
it's probably actually

just an ounce or --
or a gram.

Oh, but look. Mike's here.
He'll know.

Uh -- Uh,
Larabee just stopped by

with some
pretty bad news.

Uh, Kyle,
your mom has passed away.

What?
- Mandy: Kyle...

I'm so sorry.

It's --
it's really okay.

I mean,
we weren't that close.

Uh, we were,
- but then we drifted apart.

After I was born.

Well, still, I mean,
y-y-you must be in shock.

Oh, no, not really.
I -- I already knew.

It happened, like,
three months ago.

What?
Why didn't you tell me?

Well, I didn't want
to bum everybody out.

Look at your faces.

Kyle, we're in shock.

I-I-I mean, I wish
- you would've told us sooner.

We care about you.

Yeah, I could've helped you
through this.

I love you.

Look,
you guys are the best.

But, really, I'm okay.

Okay, well,
I have a pregnant poisson

to go look after, so...

She's French.

If I die, just promise me
you'll make Kyle tell everyone.

I mean,
he must be in denial.

He can't really be
- taking it this well, can he?

Maybe he
takes bad news well.

Might be a good time
to tell him --

Mike, no.

We are not telling him
he has to move out.

Mike, his mom died.

Yeah,
like three months ago.

Oh!

♪♪

Thanks, Dad.

I'm proud of you,
buddy.

Shouldn't you be proud of him
every day?

I mean,
- what kind of parent are you?

I was gonna take him
to the park,

but he said he wanted
to try meditation instead.

And he thought
his old room

would be full of
positive grounded energy.

Hmm. Right.

That sounds like
a 10-year-old boy.

I'm sure it's not because
he has that secret stash

of toy guns
and sugar packets.

What?

Oh,
you're making that up.

Are you?

Yeah, yeah, you are.
It's fine.

I trust Boyd.

Do I?

Well,
that was fun to watch.

So, how do you like being
back at your parents' house?

Must be nice
to be 11 again.

You know, that is exactly
the kind of witty repartee

I'd expect from
- an international man of mystery.

What are you
talking about?

Well,
Boyd told his friends

you work for the CIA
as a spy,

not as a janitor

or a human target
like I would assume.

Okay,
so he made up a story.

And not just any spy,
a half-robot spy,

which would explain
your social awkwardness

and your obsession
with renewable energy.

Look, quit trying
- to make this a big deal,

because it's not.

Well, I
didn't think it was

until you got
all defensive.

Now my curiosity
has been piqued.

It's nothing, okay?

Boyd doesn't want to say
what I do

because he's a little sensitive
about being home-schooled.

It's just a phase.
He'll grow out of it.

Or you could just let him
go to real school.

Or how you would say it
in your language --

[ Robotic voice ]
- Let him go to a real school.

You sound
just like Kristin.

"Socialization
would be good for him,"

and "He really wants to go.

He's not behind anymore."

Look, he's not going back
to public school, okay?

I know what's best for me --

I mean, him.

Just drop it, okay?

[ Normal voice ]
Whoa, sorry.

Didn't mean to hit a nerve.

Just like Boyd did

when he made
- that dead squirrel twitch.

♪♪

Hey, hon.

Uh, where's Kyle?
I don't know.

For once, he's not around me.
Let's not jinx it.

You know, it's strange
he never mentioned

that his mom died.
- Uh-huh.

Didn't even go down
to the county clerk's office

to settle her affairs.

How do you know?

Because I went down there.

I can't believe people think you're nosy.
- Yeah.

Well, it turns out

his mom left him
an inheritance.

It's a little land
- and a trailer near Thornton.

Apparently, she moved there
just before she died, so...

And how did you
find that out?

I'm a geologist.

I know how to dig.

No,
Chuck's friend told me.

A trailer?

People live in trailers.
- Mm.

Kyle and Mandy are people.

See where I'm going with this?
- I do.

Hold on a minute.

Hey, Kyle,
- are you still in the garage?

Come inside.

You know,
- you haven't been this happy

since you found three peanuts
in one shell.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Door opens ]

Hey. Come here. Come here.
Hey. You called, Mr. B.?

Yeah, Vanessa's got
some great news for you.

Listen, Kyle, I went down to
the county clerk's office.

Oh, that sounds fun.

My third grade class went to
city hall one time. Yeah.

We saw an alderman.

He just looked like a regular man.
- [ Chuckles ]

Well, uh, Kyle,
it turns out

your mom
left you an inheritance.

It's land
and a trailer.

No, thanks.

W-well, wait,
- Kyle, Kyle, Kyle. Hold it.

It -- it --
it's almost an acre,

and -- and there's
supposed to be woods

and a stream through it.

It could be a nice home
for your goldfish.

I said
I don't want it, okay?

[ Door closes ]
Wow.

Huh.

I tell him
that his mom is dead.

He's okay with that.

You tell him
he's got an inheritance,

he gets all snippy.

Maybe it's your tone.

♪♪

♪♪

Hey, Mr. Snippy.

You were kind of angry
back there.

It's not like you.

I'm sorry about that.

I-I try not to get angry,

but whenever I do,

I just --
I take those feelings

and I lock them in
- an imaginary box in my belly.

Some people
call that an ulcer.

Listen, Kyle,

I know that things
always weren't the best

between you and your mom.

They were never good.

Not that there were a lot.

You have every reason
to be angry.

I understand that.

I don't like to get angry.

I-I don't like
to open the anger box

more than once a year.
- Yeah.

July 15th,
that's scream day.

My scream day's
April 15th.

But I don't hold it in.

I yell about it
all year long.

I just don't understand

why a parent wouldn't
want to be with their kid.

Me neither.

Hey, you know,
maybe your mom thought

she was doing the best
for you --

building character
by you being independent.

Still, 8 feels early.

8 is early.

I -- I feel like
with the trailer,

all she's doing
is trying to buy off

every crummy thing
she did.

And if I accept it,

then it's like saying
everything she did was okay.

Yeah.

I mean, when I think about her,
all I can feel is angry.

I'm telling you, Kyle,

that anger's
gonna eat you up.

You've got to figure out
a way to let this go.

I don't know how.

[ Sighs ]

I have an idea.

Kyle.
[ Keys jingle ]

♪♪

[ Door opens ]

What are you doing here?

Can't you just take up smoking
and hang out at the 7-Eleven

like a decent teenager?

I felt bad about
what happened earlier

when I completely
humiliated you.

I wasn't humiliated.

Okay, look, a year ago,

I didn't know
- what I was gonna do next,

but you did something for me
that I'll always remember.

Because it was so weird.

You gave me a ukulele.

Eve,
we've talked about this.

It's disrespectful
to the Hawaiians

to call it anything but
oo-koo-lay-lay.

I was trying to get you
to think outside the box.

Oh. [ Scoffs ]

What's this
in my backpack?

Oh, well,
I'll be darned.

It's the oo-koo-lay-lay
you gave me.

What are you doing?

Thinking outside the box.

Oh, hey, I just, you know,
at the top of my head,

came up with a little ditty.

Of course you did.

Don't worry,
it's not about you.

♪ Ryan doesn't know
what to do, do-do ♪

♪ Once Boyd's
in sch-oo-oo-oo-ool ♪

♪ But doesn't let him go ♪

♪ And it's turning him
into a weirdo ♪

Just stop.

I should have never given you
that oo-koo-lay-lay.

Look,
- when you got upset before,

I saw the look in your eye.

It was
the same look I had

when the whole plan
for my future got wiped out.

I was scared, too.

I'm not scared. Okay?

It's just that when Boyd
goes back to school,

I'm gonna have to figure out
what to do with my entire life,

which is frightening,
not scary.

Okay, well, you're smart,
you're passionate,

you'll --
you'll find something.

I'm pretty sure if you go
look behind your porch,

you're gonna find
- a dead squirrel named Dan.

No, we had a funeral for Dan
yesterday.

Open shoe box,
very touching.

Thanks, Eve.

♪ Ryan's gonna be okay,
kay-kay ♪

♪ Kay-kay, kay-kay,
kay-kay ♪

♪ 'Cause Eve saved the day,
d-day, d-day, d-day ♪

♪ She's so great
and awesomely cool ♪

♪ And totally -- ♪
Yeah, okay.

♪♪

Well...

It's got that
lived-in look...

Just died-in look.

Wow.

You know,
nothing has changed.

Really?

Well, I mean,
- the inside hasn't changed.

Outside used to be
Missouri.

What are we doing here,
Mr. B.?

Here.

Swing that.

Come on, break something.

Hit a cabinet or a light
or something.

What do you mean?

You said you were angry?

Punch something,
hit something,

maybe start with
that little animal

poking through that hole
down there.

I don't want to smash
everything.

She obviously
just cleaned.

You said you're angry.

This is a good way
to let it out.

You know,
I gave her this.

I can't believe she kept it
all these years.

Well, it must have meant
something to her.

Like this lovely collection
of vodka bottles.

I'm sorry, Mr. B.,

but I don't want to smash
any of this stuff.

Kyle, look,
I never met your mom,

but if she's
anything like you,

I'm sure she thought

she was doing
the best she could.

You think?

I know.

Look, she got this grease fire
out real quick.

Maybe she was,

but I still don't feel right

about keeping this trailer
or the land.

Look at it this way.

She bought this land
and brought this trailer here

to be near you.

She didn't give this
to your brother.

She gave it to you.

So in her way,

I think she felt like
she owed you something.

So it's not really
a bribe,

but it's more like
an apology.

Not a good one,
but, yeah.

So if I keep it,
what should I do with it?

This is actually
- a nice piece of land here.

You got the little stream
running down there.

You get
the shopping carts out,

not a bad spot.

It would be nice

to build something of my own, you know?
- There you go.

Build yourself a house,

with a family
that you deserve.

Yeah, I'd like that.

What should I do
with the trailer?

I'd finish
that grease fire.

I think your mom would have
wanted it that way.

♪♪

Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man.

All right, listen up.

If you're a perfect parent,

I want you to raise your hand.

I can't see you,
so if you're doing it, good.

Okay, now if you're a unicorn,
raise your hoof.

I'm serious.

If we're being honest here,

that little experiment
ended in a 0-0 tie.

You know why that is?

Because none of us
are perfect parents,

and none of us
had perfect parents.

And for that,

the brewers and distillers
of America

are very grateful.

[ Fake crying ]
I hate my life.

[ Normal voice ] But you know
what warms your belly

even more
than a shot of bourbon?

Two shots of bourbon...

with a chaser of forgiveness.

Now, remember, most parents are
just doing the best they can.

Which, let's face it,
for a lot of people,

is pretty God-awful.

But staying mad at them

doesn't hurt anyone
but yourself.

Saint Augustine said,

"Resentment is like
taking poison

and hoping
the other person dies."

Wise words.

And easy for him to say.

I sat next to him in school.

His mother
told him she loved him

all the time.

She always would
look at him and say,

"You're such a saint."

♪♪