All language subtitles for Last.Man.Standing.S06E19.House.of.Tutor.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-NTb

Ooh. Somebody's
working hard.

Or are you doing that sexy
librarian thing I suggested?

Shh, you.

Come on. Say it in French --
bibliothèque.

Look, I'm just --
- I'm tutoring too many kids.

I started with 3,
and I'm up to 14.

Yeah, we noticed at Outdoor Man
the conference room's

getting pretty crowded --
uncomfortably crowded.

Says Ed.

Well, tell Ed I'm sorry,

but it is test season --
SATs, ACTs, APs.

And many more kids
calling me every day.

What am I supposed
to do?

Well...

stand back
- and let some of them flunk,

and then
we thin the herd.

Honey, they need my help...
- Yeah.

...and -- and not just the
underprivileged ones... - I get it.

...that I tutor for free.
- Uh-huh.

The wealthy parents
are offering me

some pretty big money.

Well, then stand back and enjoy
the view from Money Mountain.

Just what kind of
do-re-mi are we talking?

They threw out some pretty big
numbers per hour, so...

Well, you know what
I always say,

got to -- got to think
of the children.

Ugh.

You know,
I have been thinking

about turning this
into an actual business.

Yeah, is that --
is that crazy?

No, I think what's crazy
is you've been doing

this tutoring for nothing,

and the fact that you thought
"La La Land" was the best movie.

Yeah, but if I'm taking on
that many more students,

I probably can't keep using
Outdoor Man, right?

Uh, doggone it.

Then those kids would have to
go someplace else. - Yeah.

Damn it, right?

Well, it's okay.
It's okay.

I already have
someplace else in mind.

Great. That's good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's quiet.
- Uh-huh.

There's a lot more space...
Perfect.

...and I won't have
to pay rent.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh. Oh, God.

Talking about doing
it here?

[ Laughing ] Yeah.

Damn it, right?

-- Captions by VITAC --

Sign that, and we're all set.
Thank you, Mikey.

So, Vanessa's starting
her own business, huh?

Mm-hmm.
- Well, tell her to be very careful

choosing a partner, right?

Very careful.

That train runs both ways,
Ed.

You don't seem very happy
about this.

Come on now.

The tomato's finally bringing in
some lettuce.

Oh.
Oh, it's the 1940s again?

Me without a fedora
and a Lucky Strike.

[ Exhales sharply ]

You're so right, Ed.
- [ Chuckles ]

Yeah, I'm happy
she started a business.

I just don't know that I want those
kids running around my house.

Well, I'm gonna miss
those little rascals

running around
the store.

What are
you talking about?

You accuse them of shoplifting.
You yell at them all the time.

You threw that one kid
into the trout pond.

Hey.
Hi. Hi. How are you?

Hey, look at you.
[ Laughs ]

I got the news, okay.

Mwah. Thank you.
Have fun, Vanessa,

with all those kids
running around the house.

You may lose a few knickknacks,
but it'll be worth it.

Uh, hey, so, uh --
so did you get a chance

to look at my business plan?
Oh, yeah.

Took a gander at it,
but it's been a busy day.

A kid fell into
the trout pond.

Well, I mean, if -- if it's
not worth your time,

then just give it back to me. No, no.
Of course it's worth my time.

Listen, I made some suggestions
in the margin.

When I ran out of margin,
I-I used the back.

Let me see.
Let me see.

I just want --
Before you look at it,

I want you to make sure this all
came out of love and respect,

and you look terrific
in that outfit, by the way.

Oh, my God.

Honey, your original idea
was great.

I just fleshed it out
a little bit.

Right?

Okay, maybe I should have
used blue ink

'cause red ink
looks so angry.

You paid attention

to every single line I wrote.
Right.

You really do care.

Yes.

Well, if criticism means caring,
I'm like the care bear.

Wow. Wow.

You even gave me the names
and contacts of Realtors.

Honey, you are
so thoughtful.

I mean...

Oh, thank you.

Just thinking
about you and I

and the house we live in
by ourselves.

♪♪

[ Gasps ] Hey, Eve.

Check out
this new top I made.

See, I know it looks,
like, really cute on me,

but how do I know if a basic,
plain girl could pull it off?

If only I knew [chuckles]
of a -- of a simple, plain,

like,
pretty but average girl

who could just try it on
for me

and let me know
how it would look.

No!

Hey, guys.
- Hi.

Mandy, that shirt is awesome.
- Thanks.

Or maybe it's just 'cause
you're so beautiful.

Aww!
Well, we'll never know

'cause, even though
I asked nicely,

Eve won't try it on.

What are you working on,
Eve?

My website.

I'm creating an account
so people can buy my songs.

Yeah, 99 cents
for a song.

Gee, if you sell a thousand
of them, you'll almost be poor.

W-Why don't you just put them on
one of the streaming services?

Those sites
are like pimps --

they take a cut of something
everyone was buying anyway.

So if I put it
on my website,

I eliminate the middleman
and keep all the do-re-mi.

You know,
Baxters are amazing.

Everyone in this family
is a businessman

or a lady who does it.

We set the bar
pretty high.

Don't hurt your neck
looking up at it.

You know what?

I want to start
my own business.

What?
Where's this coming from?

Well, with your mom's
new tutoring company,

I'm the only one who doesn't
have their own business.

I want to feel like
I'm a Baxter.

Be able to talk
about pimps and do-re-mi.

You couldn't pull that off,
Bambi.

So, what kind of business
were you thinking about?

Making
and selling something.

Babe, that sounds exciting.
Yeah.

Yeah, j-just wait until
I come up with the something.

I have lots of ideas.
Yeah?

I just forget them.

You'd be surprised how often
I don't have a pen.

Hey, I mean,
you never know

where the next great idea's
gonna come from.

I mean, someone had
to have the idea

for the --
the coffee maker.

Oh, that was obviously
Mr. Coffee. [ Laughs ]

When you're born with that name,
what else are you gonna do?

Yeah, well, you guys are looking
at the next Mister...

Ah, it's okay. I don't --
I don't have a pen anyways.

Okay, you know what?
I-I'll tell you what --

you think of something,
I'll help you sell it,

you know, for a taste.

Oh, really?
All right, uh, yeah.

Thanks, Eve.

[ Laughs ]
Go get 'em, Kyle!

[ Sighs ]
I own him now.

If any other investor tries to
move in, I'll cut their ass.

What kind of
a folk singer are you?

♪♪

Mmm.
- Hey.

Whoa.

Ribs?

What did
you do wrong?

Or what did
I do right?

Well, you took the time
to look at my business plan,

and I appreciate it.

You know, this just encourages
me to criticize you.

Now I'm almost sorry
I made you this pie.

Wow.

This is why nice guys
finish last.

They're fat.

You know, I have
some exciting news.

I hired my first tutor.

The rocket is ignited,
and it's on its way to the moon.

I hired Ryan.

And it explodes
on re-entry.

I know you two
have your differences,

but he's got teaching
experience, a flexible schedule,

and a history degree
from the University of Manitoba.

[ Canadian accent ] Yeah,
home of the Fighting Syrups, eh?

Make fun all you want, but
this is my area of expertise.

He's a good teacher.
It's gonna be great.

[ Normal voice ] Ah, he might be
a good teacher...

Yes.
- ...but I'll tell you this,

once those ribs are safely
in my belly,

I may just change
my tune.

Okay, so, I'm Ryan,

and I don't want you
to think of me as your teacher.

I'm just
a cool, young dude

who happens to know
a lot about history.

Oh, yeah,
he's that guy.

What are you doing in here,
Mike?

Just getting a cold beer.
Anybody else want one?

Let's see how cool
your teacher is.

Uh, please don't undermine me
in front of my students.

Oh, I don't want to get in the middle
of that hip vibe you've got going on.

But remember --
seniors rule.

[ Sighs ] Okay.

Just out of curiosity,
what are you teaching?

Uh, America
in the 1980s.

Oh!
Reagan era.

One of the best presidents
the U.S. has ever had.

Really?

What about his assault
on the poor

or his union busting or how
he exploded the national debt?

Assaulting,
busting, exploding --

sounds like
a doer to me.

[ Inhales deeply ]
Well, by that theory,

the best president
would be the Tasmanian Devil.

Wouldn't be the first president
born outside the U.S.

Yeah, very funny, Mike.

Look, I got a class to teach,
so if you wouldn't mind --

Yeah, you won't even notice
that I'm here.

♪♪

Okay, wow me.

Okay.
Here we go.

Invention number one -- what's
the worst part of archery?

Nothing explodes.

No, having to fetch your arrow
when you miss the target.

Well, those days are over,
my friend,

thanks to...
"Boomerang Arrows"!

See, they do
the fetching for you.

Huh. So, instead
of chasing after it,

you just pull it out of
your thigh and use it again.

All right, uh, I hadn't thought
of that problem.

Luckily, I have
two more ideas.

Okay, um, how many times
have you gone to sit down,

but all
the chairs are taken?

Well, those days are over thanks
to "Hang On To Your Seat."

As soon as
you begin to sit,

a chair automatically
appears under you.

Stand, and
the chair disappears.

Yeah, plus, you'll never lose
a game of Musical Chairs again.

Is it easy
to put on?

No, from what I can tell,
it's a three-man job.

Two too many.
Next.

Okay, well, this next one
I don't have a drawing for

because I thought
for sure you were gonna go

for
the "Boomerang Arrows."

Well, we might circle back
to that.

All right, um, are you tired
of waking up an hour early

to put on your makeup?

Well, those days are over thanks
to "Wake Up to Makeup."

Well,
- this could be something.

It is.

One of our friendly
makeup artists

comes to your house
- and puts on your makeup for you

while you sleep.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, great, right?

I mean, you get
an extra hour of shut-eye,

and you wake up
ready to go.

[ Chuckles ] What girl
wouldn't love waking up

to a total stranger
touching her face?

Yeah, uh, so
you like this one?

No.
This is horrifying.

What the hell
is wrong with you?

Okay, all right, w-w-w--
I-I have others.

Um, "Sants," socks built right
into your pants.

No, no.

Uh, how about
a rug that flies?

Okay, we're done here.

All right,
just give me more time.

I'll come up
with something.

Kyle, Kyle, sweet Kyle,
don't hurt yourself, okay?

Not everyone is cut out
to be like a Baxter.

You married into it.
Be okay with that.

♪♪

That's how Reagan
ended the Cold War.

I'm sorry
your side lost.

I'm not a Communist.
I'm progressive.

[ Sighs ] You say potato,
I say Spud-nik.

Yes, Reagan was
partially responsible...

Right, right, right.
...for ending the Cold War.

He was also responsible

for putting millions of people
out on the street.

What are
you talking about?

It was the most prosperous time
in American history.

Everybody I know
owned a boat.

Yeah, it was good
- if you ran a big corporation

'cause Reagan slashed
their taxes.

Slashed taxes so
- you could hire more workers.

More workers, more jobs.

Oh, except they didn't.

They just kept it for themselves and
bought more boats. - Oh. Boats?!

But they were American-made
boats, probably.

Yeah, and then thanks to Reagan's
deregulations, they all sank.

Okay, you got to stop teaching
this lefty stuff.

You know why? They're gonna --
They're gonna fail these tests

because my side's
still writing the textbooks.

Vanessa:
Mike, Mike, Mike.

What --
- What are you doing in here?

This is a classroom.

It's not a --
- Kitchen?

I was trying to teach.
No, you weren't.

He was trying to throw
his -- his lefty-sidedness.

I was just tr-- All right, you
know -- Hey, guys, you know what?

If you want to leave
a little bit early, it's okay.

Great work today, guys.

Look, I hired Ryan,
not you.

You can't just walk in here
and interfere.

Well, you loved me when I was
shredding your business plan.

Well -- No.
- He was shredding your business plan?

Listen, all
the students are gone --

why is the tutor
still here?

I'm going.
Don't worry.

You are a saint.
- Oh, stop.

Mike, look, I appreciate your
help with the business plan,

but I can handle it
from here.

Really?

He was trying
- to give those kids beer.

You know, while
I would normally love

to get in the middle
of an argument between you two,

I just -- I don't have the time
for it right now.

Exactly.
You don't have the time.

I can be
a big help to you.

No, no, look,
I want to do it.

I'm already working
- on getting a business license

and a permanent space
and hiring three tutors.

Better hire four,
- because Deng Xiaoping here

ain't working out.

I don't need
to deal with you

chasing off
one of my employees.

Ple-- Look, please stay out
of my business.

Oh. You know,
the librarian was cool,

but this angry businesswoman
character's not my thing.

Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man

with a few words about business.

Now, the worst thing that can
happen to business is failure.

Running a close second --
success.

Failure punches you
right in the face,

but success --
the demons come from all sides.

You just succeed,
and a little flea bites --

"Wait, what, what am I --
Why do I owe you something?

Forget it. Stop it."

John D. Rockefeller said
it's wrong to assume

that men of immense wealth
are always happy.

Or as Biggie put it better,
"Mo' money, mo' problems."

Atlanta Falcons owner
Arthur Blank

is a very rich
and successful dude,

but when his team
just needed a field goal

to clinch the Super Bowl
and started going backwards,

well, I think we all saw the
most miserable successful man

in America.

Run the damn ball!

I digress.

The Buddha said, "Success is not
the key to happiness,

happiness is the key
to success."

Ding!

The Buddha also said,

"Run the damn ball!"

Literally everyone knew
that was the only move.

So, whether you preside over
an oil company, football team,

or a chain of outdoor stores,
a whole lot can go wrong.

But it's worth it

because if you thread
that needle and pull it off,

there's no more satisfying
feeling than turning a profit

and sending all those profits
to Washington.

Seriously, why do we do this?

♪♪

Kyle, what you
doing out here?

Nothing.

Can't a guy sit
in his parked van at night

without it being weird?

Kyle, you really spruced
this place up.

Thanks.

I wanted somewhere
to go, you know,

when our marriage breaks up
and you kick me out.

Why would
I kick you out?

Oh, my God.

You're not going bald,
are you?

No.

But Eve's right --
I'm not a Baxter.

You know, you're all
high-powered entrepreneurs,

and I'm just glad
when I can say it right.

There's so many R's.

We're not all
that high-powered.

I mean, my dad and I are, but
Eve just plays guitar for bums

and my mom's like a babysitter
or something.

Your mom just started
her own business,

and I'm the only one
who doesn't have one,

and someday you're gonna realize
I don't fit in,

and then it'll be over.

Kyle, I'm always going
to be here for you.

I heard that
from my foster family,

and then I accidentally
set their porch on fire

and I'm out
on the street.

I know you've grown up only
having to rely on yourself,

but those days are over.

I can't even count
on me now?

You can count on us.

I'm never gonna
let you go.

And if someone tries to kick you
out, they kick me out with you.

So, you'll live
in the van with me?

No, we're never living
in anything with wheels.

It doesn't bother you

that I'm not like the rest
of your family?

I didn't want
to marry a Baxter.

Also, I think there are laws
against that.

♪♪

Hey.

[ Door closes ] Have you been
working this whole time?

Yeah, well, they call it
Quicken, but it takes forever.

Ha.

You missed a great episode
of "Deadliest Catch."

One of the fishermen
lost the back of his head --

finished his shift.

Oh, I had fun.

I was linking my new business
account with my payroll software

so I could calculate
my tax liability

for this fiscal quarter.

He put a wool cap on
and just pulled his nets in.

Don't take
my complaining wrong.

Business is doing really,
really well.

Your business, honey,
is none of my business.

Look, I, uh...

I know I said that,

but, um, it wa-- it was
a little bit extreme.

I mean, we can talk
about this a little, okay?

There's nothing to talk about,
honey. You got this.

What if I don't want it?

I mean, I want it,
but...I kind of hate it.

You just realized that other
people's kids are awful?

[ Sighs ]
No, no, no.

I mean, that -- that's
what I miss, Mike.

I mean, I-I'm running
this tutoring business,

and I don't get to do
any actual tutoring.

Well, I have a lot
of opinions,

but I was asked to stay out
of it, so...good night.

Come on.
I'm too tired to beg.

Just -- Just
start talking, please.

Listen, when I first started
Outdoor Man,

I was working so hard

that I never really went outdoors, right?
- Hmm.

It was a year
before I was able

to shoot something
smaller than me.

I remember.

That's when we got used
to eating store-bought meat.

So, uh -- so
what did you do?

Well, what I figured out early
is you don't hire people

to do the stuff
you like to do,

you hire people to do the stuff
you don't like to do.

Well,
I would love that.

That would be great,
but it's my company,

it's my responsibility,
and I feel like I'm the one

who should be doing
all that stuff.

Right, well, I think you have
that half right.

It is your responsibility
to get stuff done,

but, honey,
if you're not happy,

your business is not going
to be a success.

You're right.
You're right.

You know what?

Screw you, Quicken.
- [ Chuckles ]

You ha-- Hire an administrator
to do the paperwork,

then you go out and shoot stuff
smaller than you.

You deserve it.

[ Chuckles ] All right, thanks.
Thanks, sweetie.

You bet.

Oh, hey, you know who would be
a great administrator?

Ryan.

A lefty in
a bloated bureaucracy.

Perfect.

Hey, Eve!

Hey.

Thanks.
We'd love to join.

Kyle, come get a seat.

Oh, I don't need to.

I'm already wearing one.

Well, this could be
promising.

You bet your sweet Sants
it is.

Uh, ta-freaking-da.

Yay!

Baby,
QVC, here we come!

We're gonna
be chair rich.

So, Eve, what do you think?
Are you, uh, wowed? - Yeah.

Well, I got to hand
it to you,

it does look pretty
uncomfortable,

but it appears
to work.

Well, no, it's actually
super comfortable.

Yeah.
- 'Cause the belt is so tight

that you're completely numb
from the waist down.

It's invented
by the guy

completely numb
from the neck up.