All language subtitles for Last.Man.Standing.S06E16.The.Force.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-NTb

Yeah. Right.

Yeah.
- Hey.

How was the gun range?

Brutal.

Isn't that
what makes it fun?

I was just
a little off today.

A little off? You'd have been
better with a moving target.

A target that moves
in front of your bullets.

Very funny, Dad.

Mom, can I borrow
a couple of bucks?

I thought you were doing pretty
well playing outside the mall.

Well, I was doing okay
until a human statue

set up next to me
and siphoned all my tips.

We'll, bring a pigeon.
That'll get rid of the statue.

Look, uh...
- if you need extra money,

why don't you come down and
stock shelves at the store?

Stocking shelves?
What?

Honey, what if she hurt her hand
and she couldn't play guitar?

What if a box fell off a shelf
and put out her eye?

There's 1,000 ways
to get hurt at Outdoor Man --

with guns, knives, arrows,
and all that stuff.

You want money.

Thank you.

Money that isn't crumpled
and wet.

Fancy.

Okay, okay, sweetie.

Glad we could help!
[ Chuckles ]

What the hell
are you doing?

Helping one of our kids.
You used to like that.

Well, knock it off.

I don't want you
- to make life easy for Eve.

The tougher things
are for her now,

the more open she will be
to going to college.

You want me
to make her life miserable

so that when she sits alone,
she goes,

"Well, I might as well go to
college 'cause my life sucks"?

Yeah, that'd be great.

All right,
- I've got all this information

to show her the advantages
of going to college.

I've got stats galore.
[ Chuckles ]

"Stats Galore" --
- the most boring Bond girl ever.

And I made snacks,

but I don't want her
to feel too comfortable,

so they're ones
she doesn't like.

Wow. All vegetables.
What, do you hate her?

Hey, guys.

Hey, hi.

Hey, just here to pick up
Great-Grandma's quilt.

Oh, uh, yeah. It's in --
It's in the linen closet, Kris.

Uh, listen, please be careful
with it.

It's the only thing
I have of hers.

Except the risk of
early-stage dementia.

I'll be careful of both
things...if I can remember.

Um, what did you guys
want to talk to me about?

Is it about Kristen's thing
with quilts?

She's -- She's on a fast track
to old age.

She saved
half an egg yesterday.

Uh, no, no, no.
We -- We want to talk to you

about the benefits
of college.

I really don't
want to talk about that.

Good.
- We'll talk, you listen. Sit.

Okay.

On average,
college graduates

earn 85% more
- than high-school graduates.

Mm. Well, money
isn't everything, Dad.

Yeah,
but money buys everything.

Okay, I really don't have time
for this right now.

No, listen, listen --
t-the deadlines are approaching

on the acceptances
you got last year.

So if you don't go this year,
you officially become a townie.

Maybe Eve doesn't need to go
back to school.

Kris, what --
what are you doing?

I'm just saying, you know?
I didn't go to college.

I did okay.

Well, maybe she won't be
as lucky as you

and marry so well.

What -- What, is she just supposed
to forget about her music?

I mean, you should hear
some of her new songs.

I love that one
about the bear.

Hmm, I did not
- write a song about a bear.

I hear them through the floor.
The lyrics are a little muffled.

Okay, all right, look.

No one is saying you have to
give up your music,

and -- and I love bears,
so, but -- but --

but college can offer you
so many more options.

Yeah, just in case no one wants
to hear a song about a bear.

There is no song
about a bear!

Whatever it's about,
it's great, okay?

So you do not need
to go to college.

You do. You do.
You need to go to college.

Go to college.
Stop pushing me, Mom.

You know, Kris,
we really love you,

but stop coming over.

♪♪

There's my high-powered,
executive husband

working away
on important stuff.

Hang on.

I'm almost done with
this Harry Potter quiz.

Honey, why do you spend
so much time doing those things?

If you need magic in your life,
hello!

Me!

Hello, this!

Let's see --
"What Hogwarts professor

removes his turban
to reveal Voldemort?"

[ Sighs ]

Oh, please.

Professor Quirrell.

Boom! 50 out of 50!

What is it
- with you and Harry Potter?

Well, you know,
lots of stuff.

We both
lived under the stairs.

He owned an owl,
- and I am dying to own an owl.

Kyle, I need you to run
a few errands for me, please.

I want you to pick up
my dry-cleaning,

get the car washed, take my dog
to the vet, all right?

Oh, uh,
does he need shots?

Uh, no, just the one.

He's being put down.

Oh, my God.

Ed, I'm so sorry.

Don't you want to say goodbye
to Bogey?

No, that's why
I need you to do it.

Look at you,
acting all brave

when we all know
you're in a lot of pain.

Yeah, it's killing me.

All right, anyway, so, uh,
dry-cleaning, car wash, vet.

All right?

Oh, and since this is
his last ride in the car,

let him sit in
the front seat.

Oh.
Do the car wash last.

[ Door closes ]
That poor man.

He already has so few people
in his life.

Did you know he only has
18 followers on Instagram?

Yeah, three of them
are me.

♪♪

Hey, Dad.

If you called me to lecture me
about going to college,

you really don't have to.

We never have
to lecture our kids.

We just want to.

I mean,
you don't have to

because I've already decided
to go to college.

I just didn't want to talk about
it in front of Mom

because she's not gonna like
where I decided to go.

You're going to Michigan,
not Ohio State?

Oh, that's gonna
tear her up.

Let me tell her.

It's the Air Force Academy.

It's too late to apply
to the Air Force Academy.

Well, I already applied
and got accepted.

You did that without
your mom and I knowing?

What, do you want to learn
to be a stealth fighter pilot?

Well, first off, I'm 19 --
Don't need your approval.

And yet
you always want it.

Sad, but true.

Anyway, I made
a really good impression

on my
- Admissions Liaison Officer,

who helped me
through the process.

And remember the congresswoman
who nominated me for West Point?

Yeah, of course.

She was just as happy to nominate
me for the Air Force Academy.

So, even a Democrat
- could see how good you are.

[ Chuckles ]

You really got into
the Air Force Academy?

I really did.

I am --
I'm so proud of you.

[ Groans ]

That is great news!

There's that approval
I crave.

Well, your first mission

will be to see if you can
survive telling your mom.

When you didn't
get into West Point,

your mom and I figured
you were done with the military.

Well, I was, but you told me
to keep my options open.

So I thought about it,
and I applied to the Air Force.

Listen, when you
tell your mom,

downplay my role in this,
okay?

It's a good thing
that I took my gap year

because it gave me
- a little time to bounce back.

Plus, it gave me a great topic
for my admissions essay --

"Why I Hate West Point."

And the rival academy
ate that up.

Imagine that.

So -- So the Air Force.
Air Force!

Or as the Army likes to call
them, "the Uber of the sky."

We're the shock and awe.

The Army just
marches in

and gets hugged
by the happy villagers.

[ Sighs ] So, how are we
gonna tell Mom?

I got to get her in a good mood,
that's for sure.

That'll involve a movie,
some ice cream...

and I may have
to touch her feet.

♪♪

Okay, we only got
a couple of minutes.

He just pulled
into the parking lot.

Oh, he's gonna be
so happy.

Being able to work
side by side

with his best buddy forever...
- Yeah.

...thanks to the miracle
of taxidermy.

Aww!
Isn't he cute?!

Yeah, I mean, you know Bogey
was in kind of rough shape,

so I had to spruce him up
with some bobcat fur

and weasel teeth.

Honestly,
- it's your best work yet, really.

I think it's even better than that
squirrel you made with the top hat.

Ah, good morning,
everyone.

Morning, morning, morning,
morning.

Good morning, Ed.
Morning.

What are you two
grinning about?

Oh, nothing.

It's just
- a good day to be alive...

...or appear
to be alive.

[ Door closes ]

[ Door opens ]

Kyle,
may I have a word?

What am I looking at?

Well, that's Bogey, sir.
Mostly.

What's it doing
in here?

It's healing your pain, Ed.
- Ah.

We all know
how much you loved him.

Yeah. A-And now you never
have to say goodbye.

Or "stay."
That's kind of his thing.

Yeah.

Gosh, he's so lifelike.

You know, Kyle and I
left him in the car

with the windows
rolled up,

and when we got back,
there was an angry crowd.

Well...

I can't believe
you did this.

Oh, Quidditch.

You don't
have to thank me.

The look on your face
says it all.

Mandy?
- Mm-hmm?

May I have a word?

Yes.

[ Clears throat ]

How do I get rid of
this monstrosity?

Hmm?

Why would you
want to do that?

That was
my ex-wife's dog.

It growled at me
more than she did.

It bit me every time
I tried to pet it.

And it crapped
- over everything I owned...

for 12 years.

Why didn't
your ex-wife take him?

[ Sighs ] She had
- a better lawyer than I did.

We can't let Kyle know

that you hate
this sweet, little dog.

I mean, he idolizes you.

He thinks you're this great,
warmhearted, loving man.

Well, I'm not.

I can't hurt
Kyle's feelings.

He's one of the few friends
I have on Instagram.

Yeah.

Ed, are you sure
you can't keep him?

He's awfully cute.

[ Sighs ]
He was never cute.

Now he's this hell beast
with weasel teeth.

♪♪

All right,
great dinner...

exciting
Lifetime movie...

...and dessert.

Yeah. Ooh, you got mint chip --
my favorite.

It looks like you didn't
skimp on the sprinkles.

I know you love sprinkles.
- Yeah.

Plus the top of the jar
fell off

when I was
pouring them in.

Mmm.

And after that,
maybe a foot rub.

Okay,
what is going on?

First dinner, then sugar, and a foot rub.
- Nothing.

I'm guessing you either
want to buy a new car

or an old car
- or you're having an affair.

Can't a husband
give his lovely wife

just a fully deserved,
relaxing evening

at home for no reason?

He could.

But he wouldn't.

Come on.

Hey. Hi.
- Hi.

Hey, Kris.

So, uh, I have
some bad news.

No such thing
as bad news.

There's just such a thing
as bad timing.

Go. Go. Go. Go.

What is it, sweetie?

Uh, so, I-I brought
the quilt home,

and I was being really,
really careful with it.

Oh, God. Oh.

And then Boyd used it
to make a fort...

in the rain.

Oh, boy.
- Oh, my God!

Hey, it's okay.
- It needed to be rinsed off.

Your grandmother
died in that.

No, Mike,
- you can't get those wet.

No, no,
that's just witches.

And you certainly
- can't put them in the dryer.

Oh! Kris. But I-I
saved all the pieces.

We could sew them
back together.

I mean, you like puzzles,
don't you?

Oh!

Hey!
- What --

There's
my wonderful mother.

Mission aborted. Mission aborted.
Mission aborted.

Mike, stop.
Stop. Stop.

What did you want,
Eve?

Uh, I don't know.

Do I want anything, Dad,
or should I want it later?

What is it?
What's going on?

I mean, is this why you've been
buttering me up?

Does she have bad news,
too?

I...

I'm having an affair.

Dad, it's okay.
I got this.

Um...Mom, I've decided
to go to college.

What? You have?
You -- You have?

W-- [ Chuckles ]
Well, okay! That's great!

That --
That's wonderful!

Yeah,
- that's all there is to that.

Yeah.

Yep!

Uh...

it's the Air Force Academy.

Oh.

Y-You're kidding,
right?

No.

It's college. It's college.
It's not Michigan.

Hey, babe,
- there's so much good here.

You're...

Well, uh, certainly took
the heat off

the whole quilt thing.

[ Chuckles ]

Give me your house key.
Come on.

Eve's bedroom.
This can't be good.

Why does everything
that kid does scare me?

And it's not good.

Honey...

let's try not to get
so emotional about this.

Oh, yeah,
this coming from the man

who pretended
he wasn't crying

when Peyton Manning retired
after winning the Super Bowl.

He came back
from four neck surgeries.

Mike, this is your fault.

She idolizes you.

You're a risk taker.
- Yeah.

Only you can pull it off,

and she thinks
- she can pull it off, too.

She can pull it off
maybe not with my style,

but she's got
her own thing going.

But what if she can't
this time?

I mean, what --
what if she is Goose

and not Maverick?

From "Top Gun"?

Those were Navy aviators.
[ Scoffs ]

They should have never
gotten out of that boat.

I'm just worried she's not doing
this for the right reason.

Her music career
isn't taking off,

so she's just running
to something she knows.

Yeah, a great college.

It's only
- an hour drive from here --

or 15 minutes if they let her
take a jet off campus.

No. You always
have good arguments.

And I heard them when she
wanted to join Junior ROTC.

Went along.

I heard them when she applied
to West Point.

I went along.

I heard them
about taking a gap year.

I went along.

Mike, I'm done
listening to reason.

I mean, I-I don't care
about reason.

I just care about
my daughter.

And as long as we are
writing the checks for it,

we still have
some say in it.

And I say she's not going
to that school.

Okay.

Would this be a bad time
to say that school's free?

♪♪

[ Keyboard keys clacking ]

[ Sniffs ]

You're loving this,
aren't you?

[ Door opens ]

Kyle's right behind me.
Ed, I have a plan.

Um, do you know anything
about Harry Potter?

The colonel on "M-A-S-H"?

Just go with me, okay?

Wow.

You really
ran up those stairs.

I, uh -- I needed
a moment with Ed, honey.

Um, there's a problem
with the dog.

What, really?

Oh, do you want him
in a different position?

'Cause I'll have to
soak him for about a week.

Ed can't keep Bogey
in his office.

It's not that he doesn't love
the dog.

It's just that...

Bogey's a Horcrux.

You mean like
in "Harry Potter"?

No way.

I'm afraid so.

So, there's
a piece of your soul in Bogey?

Sure. Why not?

So, you're just like
Voldemort.

Right down to my socks.

Wait. You do know
"Harry Potter" is fiction?

So is
- "The Last of the Mohicans."

You're not telling me there's no
such thing as a Mohican, are you?

All right, well, I don't know
if I believe you,

but this will make
a great story

for my Gryffindor
group chat.

So, what the heck?
[ Chuckles ]

Who's a good Horcrux?

You! You!

Oh, Mandy.
- That was a great idea, Mandy.

Yeah.
- Thank you so --

Yeah.
I'm not so sure, though.

I think,
according to the books,

Kyle may have to
kill you now.

Let him try.

Been a long time since someone
took a run at me.

Come on.

♪♪

Mom. Hi.

Is there a reason you're not
answering your phone?

Yes.
I have caller I.D.

I was just trying to
give you some time to cool down.

Look, I didn't know
what to say back at the house.

How about, "I'm glad you got
into an elite college"?

Look, Evie...

I know this is
what you want.

But I want to be able
to go to sleep at night

knowing that you are
studying in a cozy library

somewhere safe,
just safe.

That's what I want.

Apology accepted.

Uh, that is not what that was.
[ Chuckles ]

Just trying
to keep it light.

Eve, when you're a mom,

the thought of anything --
anything at all --

happening to your kid,

it just --
it makes you crazy.

Mom...I know
what a privilege it is

to have never spent
one second on this Earth

wondering if my parents
love me.

They sure do.

And I love you so much.

And I want you
to sleep at night,

safe and happy
in your bed.

Thank you.

So, Ohio State?

It just seems to me
that a lot of the people

who join the military
and protect us

are the ones that this country
hasn't done all that much for.

Well, this country
has done a lot for me

and for my family.

I would consider it
an honor

to be able
to give something back.

There are other ways
to give back, safer ones.

You're worried if I do this,
it's gonna hurt me.

But it's really gonna hurt me
if I don't.

Come here.
- [ Sighs heavily ]

Ohh.

Why did you have to turn out
so great?

I had
two amazing role models.

You have to call me
every day.

Aren't you gonna get sick
of hearing from me?

Well, that's why
I have caller I.D.

Hey, baby.
- Hey.

Got some news that might make
you feel better about Eve.

Somebody at work,
a box fell on them --

put out their eye.

[ Pops ]

I know
that's not true, Mike,

but it is sweet of you
to say.

Yeah, you know,
- I'm still worried about Eve,

but what did I expect?

We did an incredible job
raising her.

We?
- I did all the heavy lifting.

Yeah. That sweet thing
comes and goes, huh?

Mr. B., Mrs. B.
- Ah.

Kyle.

Isn't that Ed's dog?

Why isn't it blinking?

If you want it to blink,
I'm gonna need another weasel.

[ Chuckles ]

When I die,
- keep that kid away from me.