All language subtitles for Just Shoot Me s07e18 Son Of A Preacher Man

This concludes the Stanbury Building 7th
Floor Owners Association meeting.

Chairman Jack Gallo presiding.

Do we have to be so formal?

No, we don't, actually. How's this?
Party's over, Grandma. Shoo!

A final note. I know some of you are
upset that I always call these meetings

my office, so to show that I listen,
next month we'll meet at my club.

Weinstein, you might want to sign in the
guest book as Wilson. You know, for a

goof.

Are we going to discuss the vacancy in
apartment 713?

Let's not bring that up again. You don't
want your Monday pills to end up in the

Wednesday slot.

So there's an apartment available in
your building? Man, I would kill to get

there. Look.

Elliot, 713 is right next to my place,
and I know you and your bohemian

lifestyle, the parties, the crazy
models. Jack, I promise you won't even

I'm there.

You know, they're going to want a year's
rent in advance.

Why? You're my boss. Can't you just tell
them that I have steady employment?

I'm not comfortable with that.

Is Nina here?

Oh, yeah. Hey, by the way, thanks for
the invite to the engagement party. As

gift, because I love you kids, I'll be
happy to DJ the event.

Who are you again?

That's good.

Seriously, I do a whole Star Wars theme.
Check out my C -3PO.

Oh, dear, oh, dear, Master Luke. Let's
put on some ass -busting grooves.

Oh, what a lovely surprise.

Good news.

My parents are flying in from England
for our party.

That's wonderful.

Oh, it's going to be great.

By the way, I may have mentioned that
you were raised in a convent.

What? Yeah, and then you were a nanny
for some adorable Austrian children.

You taught them how to sing. You hid
them from the Nazis.

Well, they're a wee bit conservative. My
parents, not the Nazis. Well, they are,

too. You know what? I and I... I'm not
going to pretend to be someone else. I

not a nun, and my life is not something
out of the sound of music.

All right. You're a busty paralegal who
discovers that the chemical company has

been putting something in the water
supply, and you're going to do something

about it.

Elliot, welcome to the building.

Thanks, Jack.

Listen, now that we're next door
neighbors, it's an opportunity for us to

much closer.

Yes, it is. I don't want that.

The operative word here is boundaries.

Jack, where do you want these?

What's going on?

I went to Costco today, and I went a
little crazy on the relish.

Mind if I keep a couple of drums over
here? The place is kind of small as it

Hey, hey, whoa.

This guy bends over backwards to get you
in here, and you can't be a little

neighborly? I thought neighborly was
like, you know, can I borrow some eggs?

Ooh, eggs, Dennis.

Yeah, and he's got a pound cake.

Yeah, take that, too.

Hey, by the way, we marked the drum, so
no dipsies, okay?

Oh, my God.

What? What's the matter?

Well, my parents are on their way up and
your knees are showing.

Well, at least they're together. That's
the start.

No, you don't understand. They come from
a tiny village.

They're church -going people.

Look, you don't have to worry about me.
I've never met anyone I couldn't charm

with a warm smile and a friendly hello.

Hello.

Good heavens.

It's a prostitute.

No, no, no, Mum and Dad, this is Nina,
my fiancée. Come on in.

I'm so sorry. We don't have a lot of
women dressed like that in Leland

Lela what now?

Leland Firkin.

Our village.

All right. Well, you know, here in New
York, I have to dress with cutting -edge

style. You see, I'm in the fashion
industry.

Simon said you work with small children.

Well, who do you think makes this stuff?

May I take your coat?

Oh, you must be very excited about
getting married.

Oh, well, you know what they say.

Seventh time's the charm.

Man,

I feel like a hot dog.

Hey, buddy.

I guess Jack wants a hot dog. I'm gonna
grab some relish.

Look at my head, dude. It's good,
though. A red hot mama.

You're a charmer.

Oh, dude.

You know what? You can keep that.

I've all had a man parted hair in the
middle. Red hot mama. Red hot mama.

Simon's parents are driving me crazy.
They are so judgmental. And Simon just

goes along with it. He's like this
little boy around them.

A lot of adults cannot get past the
parent -child dynamic. It's tragic,

Hey, princess.

Hi, Daddy.

Well, you only have to get through a few
more days.

Yeah, if I don't kill them first.

Oh, my God.

They expect me to cook for them tonight.

You don't cook? I don't even eat.

All right, you gotta help me. Please,
these people are dull, long -winded, and

sexually repressed. You'll fit right in.

Look, I was just hoping we could lay
some ground rules, you know, for living

next to each other. You know,
boundaries.

If you don't like the Stansbury, you're
welcome to leave.

But I just gave up my place and put down
a whole year's rent. I mean, can't you

just do me a little favor here?

I already have. There were people on the
border who didn't want you. They

thought you were arrogant, noisy, and
unsure of your own sexuality.

Why would they think that?

I might have mentioned something.

I'm your new neighbor, Elliot. Look,
tomorrow we don't have much time.

There's a small group of us on the
seventh floor who have been waiting to

up to the man whose name shall not be
mentioned.

You mean Jack Gallop?

At the meeting tomorrow, this petty man,
we'll call him Mr. X.

You mean Jack. What is wrong with you?

He's going to propose that the hallway
be painted gold. I feel that...

Wheat is a more appropriate color. Are
you with me?

Can I see some sample chips?

Look, I know that decorating issues are
very important to men with your

proclivities.

But it's not about the paint. It's about
putting this man in his place.

Damn it, I'm in.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. We are talking
about Jack, right?

Oh, idiot.

Could everybody look away?

Audrey needs to dab her mouth.

Finished? So, Simon, who do you think we
met the other day bicycling on our way

to church? Little Mary Margaret Pym. Oh,
I haven't seen her since we were

teenagers. And her child -bearing hips
are still very sturdy.

And untouched.

Is it just me, or does she sound like a
lesbian?

So, London to New York, that's quite a
hop across the pond, eh?

What is that you're doing?

Oh, it's my cute British accent.

People say I'm so good, they think I'm
from England.

Hello, Gosna, Pippin, how's the queen?

Mr. and Mrs. Leeds, you must be aching
to get back to that... Charming village

of La La Lou Louis Farrakhan County.

It'll be nice to be home, but we'll be
back shortly.

Our Simon is buying us a flat in New
York.

Mmm, smashing!

Shut up, Simon.

Mum and Dad decided they wanted to be
closer to us.

We thought Simon needed a stable
influence close by, especially at this

Our boy makes a lot of decisions he
later regrets.

When you're looking for a place, make
sure it's suitable for our little dog,

Cecil.

He likes small, dark spaces with little
or no traffic.

In that case, maybe you should just take
that little dog and shove him... Too

much excitement.

I'm going to lie down.

What are you doing?

Parents are walking all over me. Why
don't you talk to them? Oh, just give it

time. They'll warm up to you, I promise
you.

Okay, but you are the only person in the
world I would do this for.

They are the most judgmental, prudish
people I have ever met. I'm so sorry

this dinner didn't turn out quite as
planned.

Oh, that's perfectly all right.

I'm a much bigger fan of dessert.

Sorry I'm late. My in -laws dragged me
to church and there was a bit of a

Apparently you're supposed to sip the
wine, which, in my defense, was not

explained to me by the man in the funny
hat.

Listen, Nina, something weird happened
last night.

Simon's father made a move on me.

Oh, my God.

So how was he in bed?

I didn't sleep with him. It doesn't
matter. I mean, the point is the man is

hypocrite, and once I throw that in his
face, he is going to have to back off.

No, don't do anything. I'm not 100 %
sure. It was sort of a feeling.

What? Well, that's not going to help me.
I need hard evidence.

God, would it have killed you to hop on
pop?

All right, look, look.

Tonight at the party, just, uh, dangle
the merchandise and try to, you know...

Pull him in.

I'm not comfortable with that. I don't
dangle. I'm not a dangler. Maya, please.

When you dated that guy, Chris, I slept
with his father.

I didn't ask you to do that.

And that's my point.

You didn't have to.

Hey, Jack, you want to see me?

Hey, buddy, come on in.

Let's talk about the gold hallway
situation.

Oh, I see.

I'm the swing vote to suddenly you're my
best friend.

Well, forget it.

You bully me and everyone else in that
building and it's time for you to lose.

What if I told you I'd stop playing the
banjo? Too little, too late. What if I

got you one of those parking spaces
right next to the door?

Oh, please. Those spots are handicapped.
Yes, they are.

No, no. This isn't about perks. It's
about respect.

I can make that happen. Dennis!

Now? Now.

Have you been working out? You look like
you lost some weight.

He's willing to say that in front of
people.

Give him another one.

You know, around the office, all the
ladies call you Love Machine.

Really?

Rest of the board is on their way up.

Excellent.

You really know how to satisfy a woman.

You, my friend, have chosen the right
tea.

Oh, my God, he got to you. No, no, he
hasn't. I just happen to like the color

gold. You know, with Weinstein on board,
you're the swing vote. If you vote

wheat, everyone will follow. But that's
not my problem.

There are few moments in life that
define who you are.

Who do you want to be, Mr. DeMauro? A
man of principle and conviction?

Or Jack Gallo's spineless, whimpering
bitch?

All right, people, file in. Come along.

Step lively.

Okay, first order of business.

We have to decide on a hallway color.

Is it going to be tasteful, elegant
gold?

Or that dirty bastard child of beige
wheat?

All right, though I know this is just a
formality, all those in favor of wheat,

stand and be counted.

I'm Elliot DeMauro, and I like wheat.

Who's with me?

Yes, we win.

From now on, things are going to be
different on the seventh floor, Jack.

days of steamrolling people are over.

I only count four.

Weinstein, stand up.

Come on, Weinstein.

People change tomorrow.

I like gold.

Hey, Thaiman.

Congrats on the engagement.

Oh, thanks, mate. Listen, word around
campus is the parents are a little

uptight.

I'm packing some watermelon schnapps if
you need a little sneaky peek later, all

right?

Oh,

there's a man's drink.

Maya. Good. Are you ready to hit on the
old man?

Just relax and leave it to little mama.

Don't say little mama.

Hello, Mr. Leeds.

Oh, hello, Miss Gallo.

You know, standing there by that cheese
plate, you remind me of a movie star.

I find most movies to be violent filth.

Do you like cheese?

Yes. Okay, let's talk about that then.

You know, men are like cheese.

Some are mild.

Some are sharp.

But that's the end of the day.

You're never sorry they end up on your
cracker.

Right.

I'm sorry, but that guy's gay.

Great. So this is all a total waste of
time?

These people are going to make my life a
living hell and there's nothing I can

do about it?

How can I...

I finally find the perfect man, and his
parents turn out to be the most pious

people on earth.

They're saints.

They don't drink, they don't smoke, they
don't swear.

I have no idea where Simon came from,
because I guarantee you, those two

have never had sex.

We got a situation.

Your mother -in -law just jammed her
tongue down my throat.

Yeah, apparently she and the old man
like to swing.

And they want to make a club sandwich
with me and little Maya.

I knew it.

How do we handle that?

It's a tough call. Do we leave the party
with them or meet them at the hotel?

Okay, you two.

Game over.

I know what you're up to with Maya and
Finch.

I couldn't help myself.

The lad's yummy.

Where do you get off judging Simon and
me? You are such hypocrites.

Come on, most moms and dads hide a few
peccadilloes from their children. You're

trying to nail all our friends.

Look, please don't tell Simon. He's such
a sweet, innocent boy.

It would shatter him. Of course I am not
going to tell Simon. He is the love of

my life. I would never do anything to
hurt him. But from now on, here's the

drill. First, you find me delightful.

Second, I drink whenever I want. And
third, I know you come from some little

village, but here in America, we do not
have sex with Finch.

I saw you talking to my parents. They're
not giving you a hard time, are they?

No, it's nothing.

They just didn't think there was enough
on the dessert tray.

Right.

That's it. I'm sick of their crap.

What's the matter with you two?

I've just heard about your discussion
with Nina and I'm appalled at your

behaviour. Simon, you don't understand.

No, I've been silent too long.

What's the matter, Dad? One tart, not
enough for you?

And Mum, you'll grab anything as long as
it has nuts.

Fine, it's out on the table.

Simon, your mother and I have an open
marriage.

We mean you sleep with other people.

It's that damned village. There's
nothing to do.

So you've no choice but to bounce from
bed to bed?

Well, if only we're the blockbusters or
Barnes and Noble.

I can't believe it.

I don't even want to look at you right
now.

Simon, wait.

They have their flaws, we have our
flaws, but maybe it's for the best that

of this is out in the open.

All right, fine.

If you want honesty...

My adult life has consisted of orgies,
drug abuse, and random acts of hotel

vandalism. And as we speak, I'm wearing
a pair of Nina's underpants.

Oh, son.

Poppy.

There's a sexual position you can learn
on the internet called the Van

Horn.

Not you.

You know, deep down, all families are
really the same.

Like Tolstoy wrote in Anna Karenina.