All language subtitles for Duncanville.S03E16.Ditch.Mitch.or.Die.Tryin.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,921 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 2 00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:08,967 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 3 00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:13,096 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 4 00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:17,058 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 5 00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:21,521 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 6 00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,648 ♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪ 7 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:25,984 Ooh! 8 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,652 - Mommy! - Aaaaaaah! 9 00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,195 - Duncan! - Duncan! 10 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:36,369 {\an8}Hey, Mavis, how do you want your eggs? 11 00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:39,247 {\an8}Uh, Mr. Mitch, are you gonna put a shirt on? 12 00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:41,541 {\an8}Oh. Guess I should. 13 00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:43,626 {\an8}Okay, socks, sweaters. 14 00:00:43,626 --> 00:00:46,087 {\an8}Here we go. 15 00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:47,881 {\an8}Not anymore, shirt. 16 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,674 {\an8}Okay, I'm just gonna say it. 17 00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:51,343 {\an8}What the hell's going on? 18 00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:52,635 {\an8}As someone who's lived at school, 19 00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:54,054 {\an8}I think he's living at school. 20 00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:56,139 {\an8}Looking like Mitch got ditched. 21 00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:57,974 {\an8}Children are so damn perceptive. 22 00:00:57,974 --> 00:01:00,060 {\an8}Okay, my girl and I are going through a bit 23 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,145 {\an8}of a rough patch, and I just ask for privacy 24 00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:03,646 {\an8}during these trying times. 25 00:01:03,646 --> 00:01:05,899 {\an8}- We understand. - Fine. I'll talk about it. 26 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,109 {\an8}I asked her to marry me, and she said, nah, 27 00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:09,736 {\an8}which is way worse than no. 28 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,821 {\an8}I first sensed her pulling away during the summer when-- 29 00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:14,491 {\an8}When you rented that bicycle built for two on her birthday, 30 00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:16,659 {\an8}and she wanted her own bike. Go on. 31 00:01:16,659 --> 00:01:18,745 {\an8}And the other night, she called me needy. 32 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:21,498 {\an8}Y'all know me. Am I needy? Bex, am I? 33 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:23,458 {\an8}Um, we're supposed to report when 34 00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:25,001 {\an8}teachers grab and shake us. 35 00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:26,461 {\an8}I guess it's needy to buy a ring 36 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,421 {\an8}and want to share your life with someone. 37 00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:31,091 {\an8}I don't know about needy, but it's hella thirsty. 38 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,343 {\an8}Anyway, she asked me to leave the townhouse. 39 00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:34,844 {\an8}Isn't it your townhouse? 40 00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:37,806 {\an8}You try telling that to a woman with Cardi B fingernails. 41 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:39,849 {\an8}So I'm crashing here till I find a place. 42 00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:42,477 {\an8}Now, let's get on with today's lesson--laundry. 43 00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:44,604 {\an8}Everybody grab a shirt and start folding 44 00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:46,314 {\an8}while I sob at my desk. 45 00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,281 The funniest thing happened at school today. 46 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:57,826 Mr. Mitch proposed to his girlfriend, 47 00:01:57,826 --> 00:02:01,079 and she said, nah, and kicked his sorry ass to the curb. 48 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:02,205 Pass the ketchup? 49 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:03,957 Wait, what's the funny part? 50 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,042 Oh, I forgot to say. He was crying. 51 00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:08,253 His glasses were foggy as hell. 52 00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:09,462 Dad, ketchup! 53 00:02:09,462 --> 00:02:12,048 Duncan, that poor man is in pain. 54 00:02:12,048 --> 00:02:13,508 A teacher is in pain. 55 00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:14,968 It's totally different. 56 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,928 Yeah, teachers aren't, like, people with feelings. 57 00:02:16,928 --> 00:02:18,263 They're like celebrities. 58 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:20,306 We don't feel bad for them 'cause they're so rich. 59 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,392 How much do you think teachers make? 60 00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:25,895 Coach Walters' car is an old limo, so you do the math. 61 00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:28,815 Jack, a teacher we met a couple of times is hurting. 62 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,775 - We should get involved. - Absolutely. 63 00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:33,319 No one makes a man forget a woman faster than me. 64 00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:35,739 Once you go Jack, you never go back. 65 00:02:35,739 --> 00:02:38,324 And you know I'll show him a good time. 66 00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,869 What exactly are you guys talking about doing here? 67 00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:42,120 Stay out of it. 68 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:45,165 I can't be the kid whose parents are friends with the teacher. 69 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,667 My status will drop from loser to lame ass, 70 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,210 and the only way I'll be cool again 71 00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:50,545 is if I kill you in your sleep. 72 00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:52,422 You can be friends with my teacher. 73 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:53,798 I love her! 74 00:02:53,798 --> 00:02:56,092 She wears a pink bow and doesn't shave her armpits. 75 00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:57,177 I mean it. 76 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,303 If you guys hang out with Mr. Mitch, 77 00:02:58,303 --> 00:03:00,680 you better sleep with one eye open. 78 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,767 Are you seriously threatening to kill us, Duncan? 79 00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:05,935 I'm sorry. I love you. Just obey me. 80 00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:09,564 Hey, Mr. Mitch. Annie Harris. 81 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,399 What are you doing tomorrow night? 82 00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,778 I mean, besides crying? 83 00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:20,533 Jeez, that's a loud sandwich! 84 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:22,118 My stepdad packed my lunch today. 85 00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:23,828 It's the leftover bones from his dinner last night. 86 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,999 Damn, you broke, Wolf! 87 00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:29,334 What's your Venmo? 88 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:32,003 I've got something to say to Duncan that I probably 89 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:33,588 should say privately, but what the hell. 90 00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:35,423 Tell your parents thanks for inviting me out, champ. 91 00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:37,133 Uh? 92 00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:41,429 Your parents are friends with a teacher? 93 00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:45,058 Shut up. It's not funny. 94 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,686 Let's go back to laughing at Wolf's messed up home life. 95 00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:49,521 I'm afraid that ship has sailed. 96 00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:51,106 All eyes are on you. 97 00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:52,148 Thank God. 98 00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:55,151 Now I can eat this corncob in peace. 99 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:04,327 Hi, is Mr. Mitch home? 100 00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:07,414 Oh, I thought you were Postmates with my orange chicken. 101 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,124 Mitch, your parents are here. 102 00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:11,626 Mr. Mitch? 103 00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:13,503 I'm under the blanket spying on my girlfriend 104 00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:14,587 with a telescope. 105 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:16,381 She's throwing a party to celebrate our breakup. 106 00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:18,591 Oh, good. A cop is there to shut it down. 107 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,176 No, wait. He's a stripper. 108 00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:22,095 Hold up. HOA president's there. 109 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,430 She's in trouble now. 110 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,265 Nope, also a stripper. 111 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,933 Well, I'm off to the carport. 112 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:30,437 No, she's not the only one that knows how to party. 113 00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:31,855 Yeah, if you think she's getting wild, 114 00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:35,233 wait till you see where we're taking you. 115 00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:38,194 Cosmic bowling! 116 00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:43,366 In a certain state of mind, I would really enjoy this. 117 00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,910 But I think I'm gonna get back to spying on my ex. 118 00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:47,037 Come on, it's mind-blowing. 119 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:50,206 Look at the stars, the dandruff, the pit stains. 120 00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:54,294 A spectacle like this only happens once every seven days. 121 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:57,213 So let's bowl with the lights off. 122 00:04:57,213 --> 00:04:58,840 ♪ Let's go bowling! ♪ 123 00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:02,635 Ah! 124 00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:12,187 Bleh! 125 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,148 Yay! 126 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,274 ♪ Let's go bowling! ♪ 127 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:19,402 Ah! 128 00:05:21,946 --> 00:05:23,573 ♪ Let's go bowling! ♪ 129 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,374 Lane 14, please go home. 130 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:38,129 That was a magical night. 131 00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:39,381 Thanks, Annie and Jack. 132 00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:40,924 You really got me over the hump. 133 00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:42,342 Can you little guys take me home? 134 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:45,095 I'm down on Sixth Street by the Food for Less. 135 00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:46,179 Haha, yeah. 136 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,472 That's good. 137 00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:50,016 Aw, he's gonna be all right. 138 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:53,269 It feels good to help someone and be carried by ants. 139 00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:54,479 Yay! 140 00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:56,439 That's us, the red Kia. 141 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,028 Seriously, Mom? 142 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,197 Leftover potato salad for breakfast? 143 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,116 Oh, just put some syrup on it. 144 00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:07,826 There, it's breakfast. 145 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,414 We didn't have time to get to the store. 146 00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:15,709 We were busy helping a man cosmic bowl his misery away. 147 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,043 Now drink your orange juice. 148 00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:18,336 This is Dayquil! 149 00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:19,754 Oh, just put some syrup in it. 150 00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:24,050 Breakfast, anyone? 151 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,928 Rocko's Chicken and Waffles? 152 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:28,221 Oh, they made a mistake. 153 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,973 They gave you dinner and breakfast. 154 00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,266 Oh, hold on. 155 00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:33,435 There's a brochure for white people in here somewhere. 156 00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:35,395 {\an8}Mmm-hmm. Uh-huh. 157 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,772 {\an8}This is the greatest idea ever! 158 00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:41,568 Damn, this hits. 159 00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:43,028 Why did I say that? 160 00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,446 You didn't have to do all this. 161 00:06:44,446 --> 00:06:46,197 All we did was pull you back from the brink 162 00:06:46,197 --> 00:06:47,741 of emotional suicide. 163 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,869 Actually, I did have a little favor to ask. 164 00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,579 Turns out my new apartment building 165 00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,414 doesn't allow pets who bite the landlord. 166 00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:57,542 Can you watch Mavis till I find a new place? 167 00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,711 Aw, can we, Mom? 168 00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:01,254 You girls begged for a hamster, 169 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:04,424 and you did a terrible job taking care of it. 170 00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,093 How many times do we have to tell you, 171 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:08,720 Ophelia smelled and we hated her. 172 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,222 Mavis smells, but we love her! 173 00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:13,808 Pleasey, please. 174 00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:15,894 Aw, they deserve a second chance. 175 00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:18,313 All right, but if this one dies, I'm not digging the hole. 176 00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:19,814 Yay! 177 00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:20,982 Come on, Mavis. 178 00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:22,108 Let's put a bow in your hair 179 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,735 and pick a funny voice for you. 180 00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:25,737 I'm Mavis. 181 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,614 She doesn't sound like that. She's more like... 182 00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,574 I am Ma-vis. 183 00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:31,284 Actually, Mavis is British, 184 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,911 but they were having so much fun. 185 00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:34,496 So what are we doing today? 186 00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:36,331 Well, we have work. Don't you? 187 00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,665 I can come and go as I please. 188 00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,376 We won that in our last contract. 189 00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:41,044 Teachers union, baby. 190 00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:43,630 Oh, I'm still covered in ant bites from last night. 191 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,423 Maybe another time. 192 00:07:45,423 --> 00:07:47,342 Huh? Oh, hey, Mr. Mitch. 193 00:07:47,342 --> 00:07:48,718 What a pleasant surprise. 194 00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,970 Mom, Dad, got a second? 195 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,806 You're hurting me! 196 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,057 What is he doing here? 197 00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,934 I forbade you from seeing him! 198 00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:59,229 And I remember because I had to learn what forbade meant. 199 00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:00,563 Will you calm down? 200 00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:02,273 He just stopped by to bring us chicken. 201 00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:03,400 And waffles. 202 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,568 - What? - Here's the brochure. 203 00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:07,570 Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 204 00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:08,988 Wow. 205 00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:10,907 All right, but when I'm done with this soulful blend 206 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:15,537 of sweet and savory flavors, this friendship is over. 207 00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:16,996 Damn, this hits. 208 00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:21,042 LIL' JOEY: Hey! Who's the pooch? 209 00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:22,877 My name is Mavis, 210 00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:26,381 and these are my responsible doggie sitters. 211 00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:30,468 I'm surprised after the tragic passing of Ophelia. 212 00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:32,679 God rest that little critter. 213 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,890 Does she know any tricks? 214 00:08:35,890 --> 00:08:37,642 Bradley, get your inhaler ready. 215 00:08:37,642 --> 00:08:40,186 Mavis, roll over. 216 00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:43,356 Mavis, moonwalk! 217 00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:48,737 What trick is she doing now? 218 00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,155 I'll tell you what she's doing! 219 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,240 She's dropping a big old cannoli! 220 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,491 Ew! 221 00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,201 Let's scram to the swing set, B. 222 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,911 Right behind you, LJ. 223 00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,122 Oh, my God, Mavis. That's disgusting. 224 00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:01,416 That's the size of our hamster! 225 00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:02,959 Well, it's supposed to be good for the Earth or something. 226 00:09:02,959 --> 00:09:04,002 Let's get out of here. 227 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,837 Hey. Where do you think you're going? 228 00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:07,464 Oh, hey, Mayor Jen. We were just walking away 229 00:09:07,464 --> 00:09:09,507 from that giant piece of crap our dog left. 230 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:11,426 You can't just dump and dash. 231 00:09:11,426 --> 00:09:13,345 I ran on that platform! 232 00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:14,929 {\an8}Dump, dash, die. 233 00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:19,517 Scoop the poop, or it's a $500 fine. 234 00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:20,977 There's only one thing we can do. 235 00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,187 Mavis, kill! 236 00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,566 Get to scooping, ladies. 237 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,151 While it's still hot. 238 00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:30,195 Ew! 239 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,697 - Yes! - Hey, Duncan. 240 00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:35,325 Saw your parents bowling with Mr. Mitch on his Instagram. 241 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,619 Guess what? That is disturbingly wack. 242 00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:39,287 Personally, I think it's beautiful that your parents 243 00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:40,497 have opened up their marriage. 244 00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:43,124 So is Mr. Mitch your stepdad now? 245 00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:46,336 Do you prefer Duncan Harris Mitch or Duncan Mitch Harris? 246 00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:47,879 Oh! Or Mini Mitch? 247 00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:50,215 Mia, I know you want to show you're part of the gang, 248 00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,092 but please don't get in on this. 249 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,177 - Come on, flick me the ball. - Why? 250 00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:55,428 So you can confiscate it and give it 251 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,055 to your boyfriend, Mitch? 252 00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:59,641 He's not my boyfriend. He's my parents' boyfriend. 253 00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:02,310 No, wait. No. He's none of our boyfriends. Ah! 254 00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:03,395 Sorry I'm late. 255 00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:05,105 Before I reveal who won World War II, 256 00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,981 I have a much bigger announcement. 257 00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:09,317 I'm introducing a new award, Student of the Week, 258 00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:11,486 awarded to a student of excellence. 259 00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,154 Finally, it's happening! 260 00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:15,448 The winner will receive immunity from pop quizzes, 261 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:18,410 a lifetime hall pass, this Burger King paper crown, 262 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,995 and a 6-foot party sub. 263 00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:23,498 Mia, can I have the middle foot of the sub? 264 00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:26,084 Sorry, Bex, the middle is the gooiest part. 265 00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:28,545 Mia, get up here... 266 00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:31,673 And tell Duncan he's won Student of the Week. 267 00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:32,716 What? 268 00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,676 That's a really cruel way to announce an award. 269 00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:36,428 Me? Seriously, why? 270 00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:38,638 I just think you are a great kid. 271 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:39,973 ♪ Student of the Week ♪ 272 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,224 ♪ What a cool guy ♪ 273 00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:42,600 ♪ His parents are my friends ♪ 274 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,436 ♪ Shouldn't have sang that part ♪ 275 00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:46,646 All the rest of you, pop quiz. 276 00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:52,068 Mmm, so gooey. 277 00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:56,489 Oh, hell no. 278 00:10:58,742 --> 00:10:59,993 Mr. Mitch? 279 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,286 Oh, hey, Annie. 280 00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:03,788 I completely forgot you work in parking enforcement 281 00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:05,373 when I was parking on this curb. 282 00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:06,708 Guess we could spend some time together 283 00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:07,834 while you write me up. 284 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:11,129 Um, yeah, but it's an expensive ticket, Mr. Mitch. 285 00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:12,505 Why don't you just move your car? 286 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:13,590 Oh, no. 287 00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:14,674 I wouldn't want any special treatment 288 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:17,093 just because we're best friends. 289 00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,928 Want to hop in and do Carpool Karaoke? 290 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,013 I'll be Corden. 291 00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,139 I don't know who that is, 292 00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:22,599 and I'm kind of working right now. 293 00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,809 No problem. I'll see you later. 294 00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,604 Did I do that? 295 00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:34,319 So glad you could come over on such short notice. 296 00:11:34,319 --> 00:11:35,737 Here's the problem. 297 00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:37,906 Somebody jammed a football in there. 298 00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:40,116 Huh, that's weird. Oh, well. 299 00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:42,243 Guess we'll just have to toss it around, buddy. 300 00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:43,495 Go long! 301 00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:45,830 Uh, I have a lot of other customers. 302 00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:48,833 Oh! Incomplete. 303 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,877 Hey, why don't you look back down in there? 304 00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:52,796 I put a couple beers in. 305 00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:55,965 We came as fast as we could. 306 00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:57,884 You said they found drugs in Duncan's locker? 307 00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,886 Nah, I texted "'Sup?" to you guys 308 00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:02,055 20 minutes ago, and you didn't respond, 309 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,807 so I had to come up with something grabbier. 310 00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:06,518 {\an8}Now that you're here, have you all played Apples to Apples? 311 00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:07,894 {\an8}It's wild. 312 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,521 Mr. Mitch, we're going. 313 00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:10,772 Duncan joined a gang. 314 00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:12,482 - What? - Nah, I'm playing. 315 00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,359 I got Cards Against Humanity too. 316 00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:15,860 It's wild. 317 00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:20,699 It looks so gross. 318 00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:23,034 And smells so bad. 319 00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:24,202 Okay, we'll do it together. 320 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:26,204 I'll hold your nose. You cover my eyes. 321 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,835 - Is it on me? - My elbow touched it! 322 00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:33,003 Cut off my arm! 323 00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:35,130 I thought dogs like to eat their own poop. 324 00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:37,173 Come on, Mavis. Get in there! 325 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:39,092 Yum, yum. 326 00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,428 If we kick it into the street, park rules don't apply. 327 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,223 Ew, gross! 328 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,851 Let's just run. What are they gonna do? 329 00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:49,602 Send a SWAT team after us? 330 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,358 They're on the move. Go! Go! Go! 331 00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:01,197 You can run, but you can't hide! 332 00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:03,283 Yes, we can. 333 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:07,829 And the voters said I was crazy to spend 3 million on this van. 334 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,792 Yeah, Mom, we're gonna spend the night at Lil' Joey's. 335 00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,627 His family is always yelling at each other in Italian, 336 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:15,879 and we love it. 337 00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:17,088 "Hey, get your meat hooks 338 00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:18,298 off my manicotti!" 339 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,675 - DiGiorno! - Got to go. 340 00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:23,470 Well, the girls are staying at Lil' Joey's, 341 00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:26,181 and I don't know where the hell Duncan is, 342 00:13:26,181 --> 00:13:29,100 so you want to talk about having sex but not do it? 343 00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,602 Oh, we'll see about that. 344 00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:34,898 No way I'm falling asleep on top of you with my pants off. 345 00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:37,734 No. No. I'm awake. I'm awake! 346 00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:38,777 What up, fam? 347 00:13:38,777 --> 00:13:40,028 It's Mr. Mitch. 348 00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:45,116 I can hear the doorbell outside. 349 00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:46,159 Can you hear it inside? 350 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,330 The Masked Singer is on. 351 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,831 They're gonna reveal the Buffalo. 352 00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,041 I think it's Mark Ruffalo. 353 00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:54,501 You know why I think that? 354 00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,086 Quick. Army crawl upstairs. 355 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,425 - Uh! - Let it burn! 356 00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:03,843 It's filthy anyways. 357 00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:12,769 Good thing I had this glass tube filled with water. 358 00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,979 Yeah, that's good. 359 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,523 Does he see us? 360 00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,983 Yeah, I see you. I'm a teacher. I see everything. 361 00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:21,569 All right, Mr. Mitch. We need to talk. 362 00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:23,905 Agreed. About our hopes, our dreams, 363 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,198 where we're going for spring break. 364 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,408 Spring break! 365 00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,326 Please don't take this the wrong way, 366 00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:30,745 but we don't want to see your face for a very long time. 367 00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:32,497 So what do you mean? 368 00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:33,707 You want to hang out in the dark? 369 00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:34,749 Spooky. 370 00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:37,669 Okay, now I think you're just being intentionally obtuse. 371 00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:41,131 What Annie meant was that you can be extremely grating 372 00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:43,383 and unbearably needy, and we deeply regret 373 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,176 getting involved with you. 374 00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:47,178 Please don't take any of this personally. 375 00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,513 Nah, I get it. 376 00:14:48,513 --> 00:14:50,849 My girlfriend also used the words grating, 377 00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:52,600 needy, and deeply regret. 378 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,020 - Are you gonna be okay? - Don't worry about me. 379 00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:57,689 And hey, we'll always have toilet football. 380 00:14:57,689 --> 00:15:00,608 Aw, no. We won't. I hated that. 381 00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:03,945 Wow, he took that well. 382 00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:05,405 Now where were we? 383 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,656 Mm, mm... 384 00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:13,079 ♪ Loser of the week ♪ 385 00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:14,456 ♪ What a pathetic guy ♪ 386 00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:16,708 ♪ Duncan's parents used to be my friends ♪ 387 00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:25,592 Okay, class. 388 00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,219 Everyone take the shrink wrap off your books and open them. 389 00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:29,304 What books? 390 00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:31,056 You mean our Jenga tower? 391 00:15:31,056 --> 00:15:33,058 Come on. Come on. 392 00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:34,851 Jenga! 393 00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,603 Enough! No more Jenga. 394 00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,646 No more dance parties, and no more 395 00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:40,273 watching movies while I nap! 396 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,650 But it's Wayans brothers week. 397 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,110 You promised us Little Man, 398 00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:47,739 and I need to see Marlon's head superimposed on a baby's body. 399 00:15:47,739 --> 00:15:50,116 Hey, Mr. Mitch, not sorry I'm late, 400 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:51,743 'cause I'm Student of the Week. 401 00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:54,579 All right, who wants to eat the butt of my party sub? 402 00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:55,997 Whoa! 403 00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,665 Fight for it like dogs. 404 00:15:57,665 --> 00:15:59,918 - Amuse me! - Sit down! 405 00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:01,836 Huh? 406 00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:03,713 Duncan, your title's revoked. 407 00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:06,508 But I earned it by you being friends with my parents! 408 00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:08,677 And you lost it when they dumped me. 409 00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:09,886 They dumped you? 410 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,429 But I encouraged this relationship 411 00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:12,514 from the beginning. 412 00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:13,848 Tough break, Duncan. 413 00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:15,308 Mr. Mitch, you gotta hang with my parents. 414 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,768 They're so much fun. 415 00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:19,604 My mom had a tweet published in Reader's Digest. 416 00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:21,022 I've met your stodgy-ass parents. 417 00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:22,399 It ain't happening. 418 00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:24,943 Heads down on your desk, and if I can see your nose, 419 00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:26,111 you get detention. 420 00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:28,238 Detention. Detention. Detention. 421 00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:31,074 Why are you doing this, Mr. Mitch? 422 00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:34,327 Yeah, why am I doing this? 423 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,454 What's the point of anything? 424 00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:37,539 We're all gonna die. 425 00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:40,208 All of us. What a circus. 426 00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:44,963 Oh, my God, there's a circus? 427 00:16:44,963 --> 00:16:47,048 It's a metaphor, bitch! 428 00:16:51,386 --> 00:16:53,054 Hi, Dunkie. How was school today? 429 00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:54,556 Uh, it sucked! 430 00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:56,766 My friends didn't get to see Marlon Wayans' head on a baby, 431 00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:59,144 - and it's all your fault. - What are you talking about? 432 00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:00,645 You broke Mr. Mitch's heart, 433 00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:02,647 and he went psycho on us and ran away. 434 00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:04,315 Hmm, could it have anything to do 435 00:17:04,315 --> 00:17:05,900 with us crushing his soul? 436 00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,986 Teachers are humans with feelings. 437 00:17:07,986 --> 00:17:10,905 Just 'cause they're super rich doesn't mean they don't hurt. 438 00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:12,323 We were kind of rough on him. 439 00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:13,783 We should go apologize. 440 00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:16,911 Best route to Sad Sack Suites. 441 00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:19,205 Take a left on Lack of Intimacy Drive, 442 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,041 right on Financial Problems Lane, 443 00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:23,835 straight on I Should Have Married Dennis Boulevard. 444 00:17:23,835 --> 00:17:26,629 Just kidding, it's by the Food for Less. 445 00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:30,258 Mitch isn't here. 446 00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:32,052 He came home, sold all his possessions, 447 00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:34,804 and said he was gonna jump off the Oakdale Bridge. 448 00:17:35,847 --> 00:17:37,474 And you didn't try to stop him? 449 00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,684 No, he paid six months up front. 450 00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:41,019 You guys have to leave now. 451 00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:42,937 I have a hooker coming over. 452 00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:46,107 Thank you for your honesty. Bye-bye. 453 00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:48,109 All right, Jing, we've got to make these Nerds last. 454 00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:51,029 It's the only food we have left. 455 00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:52,364 Aw. 456 00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:55,158 If we don't make it out of here, 457 00:17:55,158 --> 00:17:56,534 I just want you to know, 458 00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:58,620 my friend Princess Twinkles isn't real. 459 00:17:58,620 --> 00:17:59,954 I know, Jing. I know. 460 00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:02,123 And sometimes she plays with knives. 461 00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:03,458 What? 462 00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:06,461 This is your mayor speaking on this bullhorn thing. 463 00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:08,129 We've got you surrounded! 464 00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:12,717 Return to the park and remove the offending excrement! 465 00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:14,636 Never! It's gross. 466 00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:16,304 We'd rather die! 467 00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:18,223 All right, that's it. Storm the camper! 468 00:18:18,223 --> 00:18:19,557 Body cams off! 469 00:18:25,188 --> 00:18:26,272 She's hopped up on Nerds. 470 00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,941 Follow her. 471 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,528 She's nuts! 472 00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:34,155 Did Mom and Dad vote for her? 473 00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:35,532 Hurry, Annie. 474 00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:37,450 It's our fault. We gotta stop him! 475 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,452 Yeah, we can't have two friends 476 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,955 who went cosmic bowling with us then killed themselves. 477 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:44,624 If Mr. Mitch dies, they'll put me in a class 478 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,293 with that teacher who talks about his time in Vietnam 479 00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:48,545 while eating tuna fish. 480 00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:50,630 There he is! 481 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,215 Mr. Mitch, don't do this! 482 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,136 Where's the water? 483 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:57,470 We're gonna die! 484 00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:01,224 We're gonna live! 485 00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:03,768 We're gonna die! 486 00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:05,895 We're gonna live! 487 00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:07,939 You haven't figured out we're on a bungee yet? 488 00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:10,442 Bungee? Oh, fun! 489 00:19:10,442 --> 00:19:12,110 We're gonna die! 490 00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:15,363 So you don't want to die? 491 00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:17,073 No, getting dumped by you all and my ex 492 00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:19,868 showed me I was needy and afraid to be by myself. 493 00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:21,494 I needed to prove I could survive 494 00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,872 something scary on my own, and you did it, Mitch. 495 00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:25,123 You did it. 496 00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:26,624 Sorry we were so harsh 497 00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:28,543 when you saved our house from burning. 498 00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:29,919 This is boring. 499 00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:31,296 We really would like to spend more time 500 00:19:31,296 --> 00:19:33,381 with you, just in small doses. 501 00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:36,801 Hmm, microdosing. That sounds nice. 502 00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:38,928 Wait, if you weren't gonna kill yourself, 503 00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,889 why'd you sell all your possessions? 504 00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:43,350 Oh, Kevin has sex on all my stuff. 505 00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:44,601 He's a freak. 506 00:19:45,894 --> 00:19:48,063 - That's Mavis! - Mom, Dad, help! 507 00:19:48,063 --> 00:19:50,148 Mavis pooped, and we won't pick it up. 508 00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:52,650 And now we're on the run from the law! 509 00:19:58,156 --> 00:20:00,200 Say goodbye to your parents. 510 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,785 You're both gonna rot in juvie. 511 00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:03,328 Not today, Mayor Jen. 512 00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:08,166 This is my dog, and I'll pick up her poop all by myself. 513 00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:09,918 Hmm. 514 00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:15,256 Hmm. 515 00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:26,726 Hey! 516 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,065 Yeah! 517 00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:41,074 This is MTV's own Herp-I reporting live 518 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,284 from Lake Havasu, where it's... 519 00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,328 Spring break! 520 00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:47,747 So what's the wildest thing you've done 521 00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:49,249 since you got here to the 'su? 522 00:20:49,249 --> 00:20:52,043 Bong rips while hang gliding, baby! 523 00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:56,256 The wildest thing I did was my boyfriend on a jet ski. 524 00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:59,009 Love you, Clint! 525 00:20:59,009 --> 00:21:00,885 We played Apples to Apples. 526 00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:02,721 {\an8}And it was wild. 527 00:21:02,721 --> 00:21:05,432 {\an8}Uh, I walked to the ice machine and I got sunburned. 528 00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:06,891 {\an8}Please don't put me on camera. 529 00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:08,643 {\an8}I don't want to be associated with them. 530 00:21:08,643 --> 00:21:11,730 {\an8}All right, who wants to chicken fight us? 531 00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:16,401 {\an8}Oh, my God. 532 00:21:16,401 --> 00:21:18,987 {\an8}That dog just took a dump on the beach! 533 00:21:18,987 --> 00:21:20,071 {\an8}Crikey! 534 00:21:20,071 --> 00:21:22,449 {\an8}Did I do that? 535 00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:28,038 {\an8}SARAH McLACHLAN: ♪ In the arms of the angel ♪ 536 00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:32,292 {\an8}♪ Fly away from here ♪ 537 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,881 Captioned by 3Play Media 38597

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