All language subtitles for maude_s06e11_maude_s_christmas_surprise

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider. She
didn't care if the whole world looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her.
She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first proper to age of
that she showed up.

Oh, yeah.

And the country was falling apart.

Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And Betsy Ross.

And then there's more.

And then there's more.

And then there's more.

And then there's more.

And then there's more. And then there's
more. That I'm compromising,

enterprising, anything but
tranquilizing. No, no, no.

Never again in this lifetime will I go
last -minute Christmas shopping with

Well, you took the last box of Christmas
cards in a whole store.

Now, here it is, Christmas Eve, and
today I got cards from seven people I

dreamed I'd hear from, and thanks to
you, I don't have anything to send them.

In other words, you need seven Christmas
cards.

Well, actually, I could do with four.
Three of the people I heard from I can't

stand.

Vivian, because it is my very favorite
night in the year, And because you and

Arthur are going to be sharing a joyful,
peaceful Christmas Eve with us, I'll

give you four of my cups. Oh, thank you,
Maude.

Maude.

What are you doing here?

Uh, do you have a stamp?

I've got to get this one off right away.

Oh, thanks.

Here. One of the cards I got today was
from you.

Season's greetings from Dr.

and Mrs. Harmon.

I'm sorry it's such a tacky card.

Vivian, you are giving me my Christmas
headache early.

I didn't think I would get it until I
saw Amy Carter unwrapping her presents

the 11 o 'clock news.

Oh, thank you, Victoria.

Now that should make my headache go
away. I love it when the tinsel goes on

tree. It means that it is the official
beginning of the happiest season of the

year.

Victoria, what's wrong?

I'm sorry, Mom.

I know I shouldn't be crying, but this
is my first Christmas away from my

family. Oh, poor Victoria.

Oh, Victoria, honey, I know how you
feel. being so far away from the West

at holiday time.

Honey, if you feel like having a good
cry, go ahead and cry. Oh, no, really,

fine.

I think it'd be a great idea to just let
it all out. Oh, no, Mom. I know how

much you want this to be a nice
Christmas Eve. I don't want to spoil it

crying. Oh, now, Victoria, don't be
silly. Honey, if you want to cry, go

and cry. It's a great outlet, so don't
be brave.

Be brave.

Yes, Mom. I'll go start dinner. But the
ham isn't here yet.

They haven't delivered the ham. Those
turkeys.

How can we have our traditional
Christmas Eve dinner with no ham?

My mom just called from Cleveland. Her
plane's grounded, and she won't be able

to be here till tomorrow night. Oh, no.

First no ham, now no Carol.

Oh, of course. Philip, it must be so sad
spending Christmas Eve without your

mother.

Philip, darling, I can't possibly
replace your mother, but as a loving

grandmother, I want you to know that I'm
going to do everything I possibly can

to make sure that you have a joyful
Christmas Eve.

There, you see?

If she's on that to worry about me,
Grandma, salmon aren't going on a date

tonight.

Philip, you have a date on Christmas
Eve?

Yeah. First we're going to go to the
Tucko Christmas Pageant and look at all

costumes. Then we're going to go on a
sleigh ride. Should be a lot of fun.

Fun? Philip, Christmas Eve is not the
time to enjoy yourself.

It's the time to be at home with your
family.

I talked to Mom on the phone and she
said it was okay.

What does she know?

If she knew anything, would she be
spending Christmas in Cleveland? Come

Look, Grandma.

If my going out is going to hurt your
feelings, I'm sorry.

Oh, Philip.

Philip, bless you. Then you're going to
stay at home.

No, I'm just sorry. I wouldn't miss that
pageant for anything.

My head aches back.

What's happened to my Christmas Eve
dream of sitting in front of a cheerful

fire, sipping eggnog and opening our
presents?

Everything's going to be all right.
Look, here's Walter. He'll cheer you up.

Merry Christmas, Walter.

Merry Christmas. I'm going to bed.

Walter, it's Christmas Eve. Sure, go
ahead, rub it in.

I don't give a fig for Christmas Eve.

I mean it, Maud. No more.

It's the last friendly, friendly
appliance store Christmas party I'm

give. My Christmas business was so lousy
this season, I couldn't afford the

party in the first place.

Walter, what's the matter? Didn't your
employees have a good time?

My employees had a wonderful time.

Bunch of animals.

Can't believe that people could get so
crazy on three bottles of Iron Curtain

vodka.

Walter, what happened? Did they break a
few fixtures, a few appliances?

What, did they smash a TV set?

Ma, that was last year, and I didn't
mind that. It was fun.

Fun? What do you mean, fun?

Wasn't my money. I'm insured for that.

What did they do, Walter?

They insulted me.

Two drinks and the employees think they
can tell a boy what kind of a jerk he

is.

My delivery boy even called me a jerk.

And he doesn't drink.

Walter, maybe you shouldn't have served
liquor.

You know, the police have been asking
all employers not to serve liquor at

Christmas parties. It just makes for a
lot of drunk drivers. I know.

Even Sullivan, my sales manager, got
bombed. I begged him not to drive, but

wouldn't listen. And sure enough, he got
into an automobile accident.

Was it serious?

I'll say. He drove his Pinto right into
the rear end of my Mustang.

Mrs. Finley, is the ham here yet? Not
yet, Victoria.

She really loves ham.

The ham didn't get here yet?

That does it. I'm going to call and
cancel. Oh, Walter, now please stop.

What? We'll get the ham someplace else.
Food city, food fair.

Walter, please, what about tradition?

Honey, we always get our hams from the
same place.

Oh, Walter, call me sentimental, but it
wouldn't be Christmas Eve without a ham

from Herb's House of Pork.

There's Arthur. Now, I bet he has the
proper Christmas spirit. Merry

sweetheart. Bah! Humbug!

And it's all your fault, Walter. You and
your annual Christmas parties. What are

you talking about?

Your drunken sales manager Sullivan
bashed his pinto into my cougar.

That's a plucky little pinto he's got
there.

He crashed into my car, too. He did?
Well, then I'm glad I had him arrested.

You have Sullivan, my sales manager,
arrested?

Walter, I'm a doctor.

I could tell Sullivan was drunk the
moment he opened his car door and fell

the street.

Arthur, I need Sullivan for my big after
-Christmas sale.

Yeah, well, you should have thought of
that before you threw that drunken brawl

down at the store. Will you two stop
bickering? Now, come on. This is

Eve. It's a time when we should all show
our love for our friends and our

family. Hello?

God, it's my mother.

Hello, mother.

Yes, I know I told you I'd call you at
seven. What time is it now?

Three minutes after seven.

And you've been worried sick.

You want to know why I haven't phoned.

Well...

We've had an earthquake here in Tuckahoe
and all the buildings have been leveled

and 1 ,400 lives were lost.

Ham.

We're having ham for dinner.

Mother, I certainly did invite you to
have Christmas Eve dinner with us. You

said you were going to Ruth's house.

I should have coaxed you.

Mother, I'll coax you next year.

You will so be alive next year.

You are always alive next year.

All right. All right, dear.

Merry Christmas to you.

Oh, why?

Why, why, why, why, why must we all hear
from our loved ones at Christmas time?

Well, Maude, are we going to have dinner
or what?

We're still waiting for the ham.

Who cares about Christmas Eve? I'm going
to bed.

Oh, now, Walter, stop that.

Come on, Vivian, let's go home. Walter,
come back here.

Arthur, Viv, please, stay right there.
Maybe Arthur's right, Lord. Maybe we

should spend Christmas at home.

Christmas at home?

I have had it with all of you. Now,
listen to me.

Do you hear? Do you hear?

Outside, the carolers are singing the
joy of Christmas.

And inside here, my housekeeper is in
tears.

My grandson isn't going to be here. My
daughter isn't here. My ham isn't here.

And now my husband and my dearest
friends are ruining this night because

don't know how to act.

They don't realize that Christmas Eve is
a very special time.

It's a night when good friends should be
together for peace on earth and

goodwill. Shut up out there! I'm
talking!

what I did. You got me so upset, I
screamed at the carolers.

Please, please forgive my husband and my
friends. I love you all.

Merry Christmas.

Up your chimney, lady.

Well, here's the ham. At least Irv's
house of pork knows the meaning of

Christmas. Maybe if we all have
something to eat, we'll feel better,

Oh, my God.

What's the matter, Mort?

This isn't a ham.

Well, then what is it?

It's a baby.

It is a baby.

Oh, a little baby.

I don't understand. Why was a baby left
on our doorstep?

Maybe they ran out of hands.

His heart is fine.

His lungs are clear.

You know, he has a good color.

Cough. Arthur!

Sorry, forced to have it.

Oh, he's so sweet.

The poor little guy is probably hungry.

Well, here. Here's a bottle here with
some formula. I'll feed him. Uh, Maud,

don't I feed him?

Vivian, you don't know anything about
babies. Well, that doesn't make any

difference. The baby likes me better
than he likes you.

Vivian, how can you possibly know that
he likes you better than me?

Because everybody likes me better than
you.

No answer at the St. Dismas home for
foundlings, but the police are going to

send the man over as soon as they can.

Well, I wouldn't count on that. It'll
probably take them all night to round up

the drunks from your party.

Will you lay off, Arthur? My nerves are
frazzled enough as it is.

The one thing we don't need in this
house tonight is a baby.

Still and all, I'd like to know what it
means.

I mean, finding a baby on our doorstep
on Christmas Eve, I wonder if this is a

special child.

Oh, I finally got here.

I'll go put the ham in the oven.

It's like one of those wonderful old
Christmas stories.

Victoria, hold the pineapple!

Oh, Mrs. Finley, this is the baby!

Yes. He was left on our doorstep.

Oh, the poor little thing.

Oh, Victoria, let's look at the bright
side. At least he'll be safe in a nice,

warm home for Christmas.

Home for Christmas.

Dear,

sweet, sensitive Victoria.

She's really getting on my nerves.

Maude.

There's a pot of water on the stove. Why
don't I just warm up the formula? Oh,

good idea, dear. Okay.

And then I'm going to feed the baby.

And then if he's wet, I'm going to
change him.

And then I think I'll give him a bath.

And then I'm going to put powder on him.

And then I think I'll give him a
haircut.

A haircut?

Just a trim.

Merry Christmas, Sam. Merry Christmas,
Sam.

off to go. Is it okay if we use this
blanket?

Well, of course, honey.

But listen, Sam, you know something? I
think you kids are making a mistake not

staying home on Christmas Eve.

Oh, but Mrs. Finley, the Christmas
pageant's going to be beautiful.

I saw some of the carolers heading there
on my way here. They're all wearing old

biblical costumes.

And the sleigh ride afterwards should be
fun, too. No, sleigh rides are always

fun.

Snuggling up under the blanket.

I remember Benny Frank Butler and I used
to do that. Vivian.

Feed the baby.

Baby?

Where'd you get the baby, Grandma? We
don't know. He was left on our doorstep

this basket.

Oh, he's adorable.

Could I pick him up? I know how to hold
him because I do a lot of babysitting.

Of course, Sam.

Here we go.

Oh, hey, he's really cute.

There's nothing like holding a baby in
your arms. It's wonderful, isn't it?

My mom says I have a strong maternal
instinct. I can't wait to have a baby.

Me neither.

I don't think you two need this blanket.

Grandma, we'll freeze to death. Stop!

Oh, I'm sorry, Philip.

Forgive me, Sam. I'm just not myself
today.

Oh, Maude, the policeman's here. Oh,
good. Better bring the baby.

Well, Sam, we better go. Merry
Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Sam. And Merry
Christmas to you, baby.

Have fun on the sleigh ride. Must you
keep telling them that?

Anyway, officer, here's the baby.

Now, please do something.

What do you expect me to do?

Officer, take him and find out who he
belongs to.

Lady, this is Christmas Eve.

Look, all over town, there are armed
robberies. There are stabbings, there

muggings. Husbands and wives are
shooting each other with guns.

To the thieves and to be jolly.

We don't have time to mess with the
baby.

I mean, we can't keep the baby in this
house.

There must be something the police can
do.

The only thing I can do is book him, as
he stole anything.

Officer, you have to take the baby.

Listen, I'll turn and report. If anybody
calls looking for a baby, I'll give

them your address.

Thank you, officer. Oh, and Merry
Christmas.

That's easy for you to say.

The last thing we need in this house is
a baby.

Walter, you're going to have to go out
and get some things for him. Go down to

the store and get some disposable
diapers and a teething ring.

And a football.

Well, I can't drive to the store. I have
a broken Mustang.

And I've got a bashed -in Cougar. This
whole Christmas is one big disaster,

thanks to you, Walter.

Will you stop it, Arthur? I'm sick and
tired of hearing about your car.

You're going to get my car fixed. You
got Sullivan drunk. You're going to

the damage. Arthur, can't you do
anything but think of yourself?

Leave my husband alone, Mrs. Piggy.

Grabbing the last box of Christmas cards
in the store. I have had a lot of

years. I've never sold anything like
this.

I have worked very, very hard. You're
supposed to be my best friend.

So adorable.

Oh, look, the baby's smiling at me.

Hey, little baby, look at your Uncle
Arthur.

Mrs. Finley, I'm ready to start that
dinner now.

Victoria, you don't look sad anymore.

No. Just a moment ago, I thought.

Now, why am I feeling sorry for myself
because I'm away from my family?

The Finleys have made me part of their
family.

Though I'm spending my Christmas with my
family after all.

Isn't that nice?

I get it.

Hey,

Walter. After dinner, why don't you and
I go down to the police station and bail

Sullivan out?

I'm sure you want to have him in good
shape for your after -Christmas sale.

Boy, Arthur, that's really decent of
you.

You'll never believe this. That was a
friend of Carol's from Cleveland. The

weather cleared, and Carol is on a
plane. She'll be here in time to open a

present. Oh, my.

Boy, that weather sure cleared up quick.
It's like a miracle. Yeah. Hi.

Philip. Hey, Philip. Philip.

Honey, what happened to the sleigh ride?

Oh, well, I don't know. Sam and I were
walking along a couple minutes ago, and

we both decided that you were right.

Christmas Eve is really a time to spend
with the people you love.

Oh.

Oh, and your mother. Your mother's on
her way. She'll be here tonight.

Oh, great.

How did that happen?

How did any of this happen?

A few minutes ago, we were all arguing.
We were fighting at each other's

throats, and suddenly a miracle
happened, and...

We're all filled with peace.

The house is full of love.

Carol's getting out of Cleveland.

This is a special child. You know, I'll
bet he was sent here to teach us all the

real meaning of Christmas.

Love.

Yes. The same message that other baby
brought to the world in that very first

Christmas.

like that before.

How does the story go? They saw a star
shining in the sky

and they followed it to a stable.

I'm sorry to bother you, but did you
happen to find a baby on your doorstep?

A baby?

Yes, yes, he's here. Walter, get the
baby. Oh, thank God.

I'm his father.

His father?

Yes, we're in the Christmas pageant, and
we're going around the neighborhood

singing Christmas carols, and I had my
son with us in a basket.

Yeah, he was going to be the baby Jesus
in the pageant.

But when we were here before singing
carols, I'd have... I must have picked

the wrong basket.

I didn't really notice he was missing
until someone pointed out that there was

ham in the manger.

Yeah. Hey, well, here's your ham here.
Yeah, and here's your baby.

Oh, and I can't tell you how much
happiness your son brought to this house

tonight. Well, I'm glad. And I'm sorry
for the inconvenience.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

But look.

Look.

Well,

Viv, it's either a police helicopter or
your Christmas star is flying off to

Yonkers.

Well, that's one for the books.

Oh, why don't I take the ham out to the
kitchen and give it to Victoria to put

in the oven?

No, Vivian, we're not going to eat it.

Now, there's something very special
about this ham.

What? The camel took a bite out of it.

with boughs of holly. Fa la la la la, la
la la la.

Tis the season to be jolly. Fa la la la
la, la la la la.

VOD was recorded on videotape before a
studio audience.