All language subtitles for maude_s06e03_the_flying_saucer

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world
looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her.
She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Angel
Black, she showed up.

And the country was falling apart.

Betsy Ross got it all sold up.

And then there's mud.

And then there's mud.

And then there's mud.

And then there's mud.

And then there's mud. And then there's
mud.

That uncompromising, enterprising,
anything but tranquilizing. No, no, no.

Down by the Old Mill Street.

may be old -fashioned, but this is
great.

Sitting on the porch, sipping lemonade.

People just don't sit out on their
porches anymore.

I wonder why.

Well, for one thing, most of the porches
in this neighborhood have been stolen.

Anyway, think how lucky we are.

All over the country, it's winter, and
we're having a beautiful Indian summer.

Well, I just hope the weather holds for
the next few days. I'm trying to sell

the old Farnsworth place this weekend.

Oh, this weekend's not a good time,
Maude. There's going to be a full moon.

A full moon?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my grandmother Whitney always said
when there's a full moon... Vivian,

nobody wants to hear that junk.

Arthur always gets uptight when I talk
about my grandma Whitney's special

powers. Vivian, now stop it.

Tell us. Tell us about your
grandmother's special powers. Don't pay

attention, Vivian. No, I'm really... I'm
dying to hear. Maude is just being

polite. No, I think she's really
interested.

Maude's never polite.

That's right, so shut up, Arthur.

Tell us all about her special powers.
Vivian, have a heart. Arthur, we all

to hear.

Vivian, go ahead.

Everybody be quiet and don't interrupt
her.

Well, my grandmother had mystical
powers.

She could read minds and foretell the
future.

But I think the most amazing thing she
did was to get rid of headaches.

See, if you had a headache, she'd put a
glass of water on top of your head.

Then she'd hold a lighted mat just in
front of your mouth.

She'd have you breathe on it, but not
enough to put it out.

And then she'd put the mat in the glass
of water.

She'd throw the water out the window
onto the sidewalk, and you would feel

But whoever stepped into the puddle
would get your headache.

Why don't we all go inside?

Now, sit down. You're both being very
rude to Vivian. Oh, did you hear what

just said?

Vivian, if you go around telling these
kooky stories about your grandmother's

power, what are people going to think?
Oh, Arthur, who cares what people think?

You know, that's the whole trouble with
the world today.

Nobody says what he really thinks
because everybody is so afraid of

unpopular. Oh, sure. That's easy for you
to say, Maude. You've always been

unpopular.

That is not true.

I was very popular with the boys in the
Sixth Fleet during World War II.

Oh, Maude.

No, but seriously, Maude.

I really want to thank you for defending
me.

That's what I used to say to the boys in
the Sixth Fleet in World War II.

You know, there was another story about
my grandmother that really shows her

mystical powers. Oh, Vivian, I think
we've had enough. No, go ahead, go

want to hear about it. What is it?

Well, this is almost psychic, but
whenever I would get on a trolley

or a streetcar with my grandmother, she

always had the exact change.

Maybe we should go inside.

I'll get the lemonade and grab the
cookies. It's true.

I mean, it was amazing. You all go on.
I'll finish cleaning up out here. Forget

about it.

What do you want the camera for?

What's up, Marty?

Maude.

Maude.

Maude.

What did you want to take a picture of?

Gosh, look at her. She can't talk. She's
speechless.

I'd like a picture of that.

I don't believe it. I don't believe it.

Maude, what did you see?

Nothing. Nothing, nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Why, gosh, I've never seen Maude like
that. Boy, she must have seen something

pretty awful.

Maude, are you feeling better?

Maude, can you tell us what happened
now?

Oh,

Vivian.

Vivian, what I saw tonight is
something...

I'll never forget as long as I live.
What?

Here you are, honey.

What, what, what?

What, what, what, what, what?

Oh, will you look at me? I'm shaking
like a leaf. Oh, can't you give her

something? Yeah, I guess I could.

Marty, try one of these.

Thanks. Is it all right to take this
with alcohol?

Oh, sure. It's just a Tic Tac.

Tell us what you saw.

Well, I was standing out on the porch
and I

heard this sound. I mean, didn't any of
you hear it? No. No.

You mean none of you saw anything
unusual out there?

No. No. No. No.

All right.

Well, first there was this whirring
sound. It seemed to come from the top of

tree and I...

I looked up.

There it was.

There what was?

A strange cigar -shaped object hovering
just above, and

then it started flashing yellow and blue
lights, and then it just flew straight

up at an incredible speed.

Whirring sound, incredible speed.

Okay, Marty.

Let's look at the facts.

Now, you claim that... I do not claim
that I saw anything. I did see it. Okay.

Cigar -shaped object hovering above
flashing colored lights? Yes.

You saw the Goodyear blimp.

Arthur, I did not see a blimp.

Maybe it was a police helicopter. It was
not a helicopter.

Wait a second.

The other day I saw an airplane
advertising a new Mexican restaurant and

towing a great big enchilada. Maybe
that's what it was.

Walter, I know a flying enchilada when I
see one.

Why don't we just come out and say it?

You saw a flying saucer.

Yes.

Yes, I saw one.

I saw one.

and I hate myself for having to say
this, but... Oh, my God. I saw a flying

saucer.

I never believed these things existed.

Well, if you saw it, I believe it.

And I think you better report this to
the police.

The police? Wait a minute.

If Mort saw a UFO, then a lot of other
people in Tuckahoe saw it, too.

Let someone else call the police.

I agree with Walter.

Arthur, what if it's an enemy spaceship?

There were thousands of them out there.
What if they're just waiting to attack

us, killing every man, woman, and child
as they take over our world?

Vivian, I just don't think we should get
involved.

Vivian is right.

It is my duty as a citizen to report
what I saw to the police.

Oh, they'll think you've got a loose top
on your cookie jar.

Walter, I do not care if they think I
have a loose top on my cookie jar.

I saw what I saw.

I mean, I've always been a doubting
Thomas, but obviously these things do

And if people are to take it seriously,
then it is the respected members of the

community who must be in the forefront.

Maud. No, Walter.

If the police hear this from Maud
Findlay, they will take it seriously.

Because if there's one thing I have in
this community, it is the respect of my

fellow Tuckahoeans.

So, hello, Sergeant.

Maud Findlay.

You remember I ran for state senate last
year?

He voted for me.

Oh, now, really?

Sergeant, I am not one of the great
women of the world.

Oh,

you were with the Sixth Fleet.

Well, that's very nice of you. Yes, it
was a disappointment.

But look, Sergeant, I really have
something terribly...

I have something terribly important to
report to you.

Sergeant, I have just seen a flying
saucer.

Yes,

Tuggy, it's something that happened last
night, and I'm just terribly excited

and terribly upset about it, but I can't
discuss it with you over the phone.

I'll see you at 2 .30.

Right.

What are we talking to? That was Tuggy
McKenna. He's probably the best

television newscaster in Tuckahoe. When
he gets here, I'm going to tell him all

about the flying saucer.

What? That's crazy.

It is not crazy, Walter.

One half hour ago, I was on the phone
with a Mr.

Jordan Hancock.

And, Walter, he was most interested in
what I had to tell him about last night.

And do you know what Mr. Jordan Hancock
does, Walter?

Drink?

It so happens, Walter, that Mr. Jordan
Hancock works for an independent

organization that investigates all
reports about any unidentified flying

And, Walter, he is on his way over here
right now.

Walter, you're getting in too deep!

Ma, may I speak to you?

Well, of course, Vivian. Sit down, dear.

I mean, may I speak frankly?

Well, of course, Viv.

Very frankly.

Yes, Viv.

Well, it's about the flying saucer you
saw.

What about it?

May I speak frankly? Yes, Viv!

Well,

half the neighborhood thinks you're
crazy.

Vivian, may I ask you a question?

Of course.

Do you think I'm crazy?

May I speak for you?

Vivian, I might as well tell you I do
not care what anybody thinks. The

the neighbors, anybody.

I am going to stand up and tell exactly
what I saw last night. It is my

responsibility. I don't care how loose
people think my cookies are or whatever

the hell that damn special is.

Oh. Oh, I wish I had your courage to
stand up and tell what I saw.

Viv, you mean you saw the same thing
last night? Oh, no, no, it was last

Vivian, why didn't you tell? Vivian,
what did you see?

Well, well, one night... Yeah?

I was standing outside just, just
looking up at the sky.

Yeah? You know, the way people just like
to...

Look at the stars and stare.

Of course, of course.

So anyway, I was just looking up at the
sky. Yes.

I was sort of just staring. Yes!

The light snow began to fall.

And then, all of a sudden, there was a
big flash of light. And there it was.

I just couldn't believe my eyes.

Vivian, what did you see?

Please, Vivian!

Out!

Walter,

I don't understand.

I don't understand.

The police laughed in my face.

Vivian told me the neighbors think I'm
crazy.

Even crazy Vivian thinks I'm crazy.

Oh, I wish Mr.

Hancock from the UFO agency was here. I
need the support of another person,

Walter. I mean, I'm strong, but I just
don't know how much more of this I can

take. Walter, I'd like to tell you
something.

Of course, darling. What is it? May I
speak frankly?

No!

Hello.

Just a second.

Walter, it's for you.

Jordan Hancock.

Mr. Hancock, why aren't you here? What
do you mean you need another witness who

saw what I saw?

Well, that's ridiculous. You know that
I'm an extremely respected and

responsible member of this community.
What's that?

Of course you may speak frankly.

You've already made a preliminary
investigation of me?

Yes, that's true. That's true. I am
under the care of a psychiatrist.

But who isn't?

Now listen, if you do not think that I
am credible, I am going to let my

straighten you out. He is right here,
and he can tell you what a credible

I am.

Yes. Yes, that's true. He is an
alcoholic.

He has not had one drink since he
attempted suicide last year.

All right, get another witness.

Well, I hope you're satisfied.

You just destroyed my credibility.

Okay, Mort, that's it.

The flying saucer joke is over. Listen,
Walter, I'm... Mort, just give it up or

else you'll be the laughingstock of
Tuckahoe. You're all alone, Mort.

nobody on your side.

Philip, what happened?

You've torn the pocket off your brand
-new shirt.

Oh, I got into a fight with that loud
-mouthed Jerry Savio. He said you rocked

your rocker, Grandma, and I couldn't let
him get away with that.

Oh, Philip.

Oh, Philip.

I'll cherish this day for as long as I
live.

When I felt I was all alone, abandoned
on all sides...

My grandson, the bright light of my
life, came to my rescue and gave me

the courage to continue to stand up for
what I believe.

Oh, Philip, I'm very proud of you.
Thanks, Grandma.

Oh, I told Jerry, even if you are off
your rocker, you shouldn't go around

telling people about it.

Gee, Grandma, you're in a bad mood
today.

I'm sorry, Philip. I'm sorry.

I just have a terrible headache.

Let's leave Grandma alone, Philip.

I'll bring you down a couple of aspirin
more.

In the meantime, think about that
television reporter.

Laughingstock, Ward!

Obvious. I was just throwing water at
you.

Oh, I see.

Oh, listen, Marty, I owe you an apology.

I had lunch at the club today, and I ran
into Judge Moffat. Now, I haven't seen

him for quite some time. You know Judge
Moffat, don't you? No, I don't. Oh,

that's his car coming up now. I asked
him to follow my hair.

Right over here, Judge.

Maude, Judge Moffat saw the flying
saucer last night, just like you did.

Huh?

He told me so at lunch. Oh, he... He saw
it? He actually saw it? Yes, that's why

I want to apologize to you.

Now that I know that it's true. You see,
the judge is a Republican.

May I come in?

Maude, this is Judge Leonard B. Moffitt,
retired justice of the New York State

Supreme Court, professor emeritus,
Columbia Law School. Oh, Judge, oh,

it's such a pleasure meeting you.
Please, please, come in, come in. Judge,

excuse me, Judge, you actually saw the
flying saucer, too.

Oh, yes, indeed, I saw it, all right. I
could hardly believe my eyes.

Cigar -shaped flashing lights?

That's it, all right. Oh, thank you,
God, for sending me a credible witness.

Oh, I can't tell you what a relief this
is.

Excuse me, Mrs. Finley? Yes.

Tuggy McKenna, WBLT News.

Tuggy, yes, come in, come in, come in.

Mr. Spindley, I know you didn't want to
talk about it on the phone today, but I

got some other calls.

Some of your neighbors think you saw a
flying saucer.

Is that what this is about?

It certainly is.

Tuggy, I want you to interview me and my
illustrious acquaintance, the Honorable

Supreme Court Justice...

Judge Leonard B. Moffat. That is, Judge,
if it's all right with you.

Oh, yes, indeed. We must step forward.
Hey, dynamite.

Okay, guys, let's set it up.

What's going on? Walter, Walter, this is
Judge Leonard B. Moffat. Judge, my

husband, Walter Finley.

Walter, the judge saw the flying saucer,
too.

You actually saw it?

That's right.

We're giving out an interview.

Holy crap!

Where is your aspirin? Oh, Walter, I
don't need them anymore. My headache's

gone. Walter, I could use a couple.

Oh, Judge, I cannot tell you what a
relief this is. I tell you, everybody

doubted me. My neighbors thought I was
crazy. Even my husband, my own husband,

questioned me.

I know what that's like. I went through
the same thing myself the first time I

saw one.

I've just learned to ignore people.

Okay, Judge, Mrs. Finley, you want to
step over here on the landing? We'll be

doing the interview from here.

Okay? Yes. Right over there.

The first time, you mean you've seen
flying saucers before?

Oh, yes.

I see them all the time.

Usually on Thursday nights after I've
taken my medicine.

Sometimes I ride in them.

Okay, Vince, we'll start with a two
-shot, and then we'll zoom in to Mrs.

Finley. Judge, you... You ride in the...
Where?

Where?

I've been to all the planets. Venus.

Mars.

Pluto.

Donald Duck.

Okay, we'll be with you in just one
second, folks. But now I only go in the

flying saucers to Mars, because they're
the only ones that have seatbelts.

I've grown very safety conscious.

You know what the Martians like to eat?

Marshmallows.

They call them Martian mellows.

This is Charlie McKenna, WBLT News, and
I'm at the Elm Street home of Mrs.

Maud Finley. With her is retired State
Supreme Court Justice Leonard B. Mudd.

There have been rumors of flying saucers
in this neighborhood, rumors that Mrs.

Finley had seen these flying saucers.

And I'm asking you now, Mrs. Maud
Finley, what do you have to say about

reports that you have seen a flying
saucer?

I deny everything.

My cookies are just as tight as
anybody's.

Of course, I cannot speak for the judge
here, but then again, why should I? I

mean, I have never met this charlatan
before.

It was my neighbor, Dr. Arthur Harmon,
who dragged him over here. I say, there

are no such things as flying saucers. At
least, I have never seen a flying

saucer. And I want to make that
perfectly clear.

Bod was recorded on videotape before a
studio audience.