All language subtitles for The Big C S01E01 The Big C 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-Kitsune_track4_[eng]

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:23,623 --> 00:00:26,292    - YOU WANT ME TO PUT A POOL   IN THIS YARD?  2 00:00:26,292 --> 00:00:28,862  - YES. PLEASE.   - [laus]  3 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,497    - UNLESS YOU'RE PLANNING   ON TAKING OUT  4 00:00:30,497 --> 00:00:32,098  THE FENCE OVER THERE     AND ASKING THE NEIGHBORS  5 00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:34,434    TO GO IN HALFSIES WITH YOU,   IT'S NOT GOING TO FIT.  6 00:00:34,434 --> 00:00:35,735  - I'M SORRY.   I KNOW IT'S SMALL.  7 00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:37,670    - AND YOU GOT THIS BEAUTIFUL       SHADE TREE RIGHT HERE.  8 00:00:37,670 --> 00:00:39,506  YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO KEEP THAT.       - I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT.  9 00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:40,907  - LET ME TELL YOU   WHAT YOU SHOULD DO.  10 00:00:40,907 --> 00:00:43,243    LET ME BUMP OUT THE DECK,   ALL RIGHT?  11 00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:46,212    AND WE'LL PUT IN A NICE,     SUNKEN HOT TUB, YOU KNOW?  12 00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:48,748  AND MAYBE EVEN WE DO A LITTLE,        UH, BARBECUE PIT RIGHT HERE.      13 00:00:48,748 --> 00:00:49,883    I THINK IT'LL BE REAL NICE.  14 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,651  IT'LL BE AN OUTDOOR   LIVING ROOM.  15 00:00:51,651 --> 00:00:56,222  - OKAY. THAT'S FINE.  16 00:00:56,222 --> 00:00:58,224  JUST DO THAT.  17 00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,459    HOW FAST CAN YOU FINISH IT?  18 00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:00,894    - WELL, IT'S THE FIRST DAY   OF SUMMER,  19 00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,595    SO IT'S OUR BUSY SEASON.   - I'LL PAY EXTRA.  20 00:01:02,595 --> 00:01:03,663  - WELL, I STILL HAVE     THREE JOBS AHEAD OF YOU.  21 00:01:03,663 --> 00:01:04,864  - I'LL PAY DOUBLE.  22 00:01:04,864 --> 00:01:07,901    - I WILL HAVE A CREW OUT HERE      IN THE MORNING.  23 00:01:07,901 --> 00:01:11,638    - HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SUMMER.       - AND TO YOU.  24 00:01:14,107 --> 00:01:16,443    - SO WE'LL DO A HOT TUB.  25 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:30,056  - ♪ EVERYBODY'S COOLER   WITH A POOL ♪  26 00:01:30,056 --> 00:01:32,325    ♪ BE COOL WITH COOL POOLS ♪  27 00:01:32,325 --> 00:01:34,427  IS THAT YOUR NEW LOVER?  28 00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:36,196    IS THAT WHY I'M SLEEPING   ON MY SISTER'S COUCH?  29 00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:39,699  - I'M GOING TO BUMP OUT THE DECK   AND PUT IN A HOT TUB.  30 00:01:39,699 --> 00:01:41,835    - I THOUGHT WE WERE SAVING   FOR NEW CLOSET SYSTEMS.  31 00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:44,003  CATHERINE, I DON'T KNOW   WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE.  32 00:01:44,003 --> 00:01:45,505  - WHY ARE YOU HERE?  33 00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:47,540  - I CAME TO GET THE HEATING PAD       YOU USE FOR YOUR CRAMPS.  34 00:01:47,540 --> 00:01:50,543  FEEL THAT.   - THAT'S A BIG KNOT.  35 00:01:50,543 --> 00:01:53,613    - YEAH. COULD YOU JUST RUB IT      FOR ME FOR ONE SECOND?  36 00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,381  JUST ONE?  37 00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:01,488    OH, GOD, THAT FEELS SO GOOD.      38 00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:02,956  OH, GET IN THERE.  39 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:06,326    OH, HONEY, CAN WE PLEASE   FIX THIS?  40 00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:07,794  I MISS YOU SO MUCH.  41 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,796  AND I'M SO SORRY   ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.  42 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,631  - I'M SORRY, PAUL.   I HAVE TO GO.  43 00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:13,366  I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT   WITH A DERMATOLOGIST.  44 00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:14,801    - CAN WE JUST HAVE DINNER   OR SOMETHING?  45 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:16,202    CAN WE AT THE VERY LEAST   FIGURE OUT  46 00:02:16,202 --> 00:02:17,804  WHAT WE'RE GONNA TELL   ADAM TOMORROW?  47 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,440    'CAUSE RIGHT NOW MY STORY   IS "ADAM, YOUR MOM'S A MEANIE!"    48 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:26,446  - OKAY. DINNER.  49 00:02:26,446 --> 00:02:27,914    WE DIDN'T HAVE A LOT OF MONEY      GROWING UP,  50 00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:30,416  BUT WE DID HAVE A POOL   IN OUR BACKYARD.  51 00:02:30,416 --> 00:02:32,552  [laughs]  52 00:02:32,552 --> 00:02:33,987  MY BROTHER AND I,  53 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,422    WE WOULD SPEND ALL SUMMER   IN IT MAKING UP DIVES.  54 00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:40,760  MY SIGNATURE   WAS THE BANANA SPLIT AND DIVE.     55 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:42,529  - SOUNDS FUN.  56 00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:44,364  - EXCEPT WHEN SEAN     WOULD HOLD ME UNDER THE WATER     57 00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:46,032  AND FART ON MY FACE.  58 00:02:46,032 --> 00:02:48,434  [chuckles]  59 00:02:48,434 --> 00:02:50,603  OH, HELLO, BREAST.  60 00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,238  HOW LONG     HAS THAT BEEN HAPPENING?  61 00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:54,574  - DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.  62 00:02:54,574 --> 00:02:56,576  - WELL, SCREW YOU.  63 00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:58,645  ANYWAY, IN REGARDS   TO YOUR QUESTION,  64 00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:00,980  I DON'T THINK I WANT   TO DO THAT.  65 00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:03,483  I--JUST--I'VE ALWAYS   REALLY LOVED MY HAIR.  66 00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:05,318  I CRY EVERY TIME   I GET IT CUT.  67 00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:07,287    - YOU WON'T NECESSARILY LOSE       YOUR HAIR.  68 00:03:07,287 --> 00:03:09,122    - MY NOSE IS ANOTHER STORY.  69 00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:11,491  IF YOU TOLD ME   I WAS GOING TO LOSE MY NOSE...     70 00:03:13,893 --> 00:03:15,295  WHAT'S THAT?  71 00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:16,963  - SOME INFORMATION     ON ALTERNATIVE TREATMENTS  72 00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:18,031  FOR MELANOMA.  73 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:23,036  - WELL, CRAP.   THOUGHT IT WAS A CURE.  74 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:27,340    - HOW'S YOUR HUSBAND FEEL?     - I HAVEN'T TOLD HIM YET.  75 00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:29,809  - WOW.  76 00:03:29,809 --> 00:03:31,978  - I'M JUST KIND OF   A PRIVATE PERSON.  77 00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:33,846  EXCEPT AROUND YOU.  78 00:03:33,846 --> 00:03:37,383  [laughs] I CAN'T SEEM   TO SHUT UP AROUND YOU.  79 00:03:39,652 --> 00:03:42,622    - HERE. THESE ARE SOME TIPS     ON HOW TO TALK TO LOVED ONES.     80 00:03:42,622 --> 00:03:44,023  A LOT OF PEOPLE FIND IT   VERY DIFFICULT.  81 00:03:44,023 --> 00:03:45,358  - ARE YOU MARRIED?   - NO.  82 00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:47,193    BUT I THINK I'D WANT TO KNOW.     83 00:03:47,193 --> 00:03:48,962    - I WAS GOING TO TELL HIM.  84 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:50,630    AND THEN WHEN I GOT HOME,  85 00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:54,467    THERE WERE 15 MEN IN MY HOUSE      PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.  86 00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:57,537  PAUL WAS DRUNK     AND PEEING IN THE FRONT YARD.     87 00:03:57,537 --> 00:03:58,905  I FOUND MYSELF SAYING  88 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,673    "I THINK I NEED TO BE ALONE   FOR A WHILE."  89 00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:08,248    - UM, SOME SUPPORT GROUPS     YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN.  90 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:11,184  - I JUST GOT THIS IMAGE     OF WHEN YOU DO GET MARRIED.  91 00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:13,319  YOU AND YOUR BRIDE   STANDING AT THE ALTAR  92 00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:16,789  PASSING BROCHURES BACK   AND FORTH.  93 00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:20,893  - TELL SOMEONE, CATHY.  94 00:04:20,893 --> 00:04:22,862    - THE FIRST DAY OF SUMMER   IN MINNEAPOLIS.  95 00:04:22,862 --> 00:04:25,164  DON'T MAKE IT OUR LAST.  96 00:04:25,164 --> 00:04:28,501  'SCUSE ME, YOU GUYS GOT A MINUTE   TO HELP SAVE THE PLANET?  97 00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:30,737    NO? ALL RIGHT, WHEN YOU GET   THAT PLASTIC HOME,  98 00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:33,573  PUT IT OVER YOUR DAUGHTER'S HEAD   AND SUFFOCATE HER WITH IT      99 00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:35,508    'CAUSE YOU'RE DESTROYING   HER FUTURE!  100 00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:37,644  - DID YOU GO TO BUSINESS SCHOOL    101 00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:39,445  TO LEARN TO APPEAL   TO PEOPLE LIKE THAT?  102 00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:43,016  - UH, NO. I WENT TO SHUT   THE FUCK UP TECHNICAL INSTITUTE.  103 00:04:43,016 --> 00:04:44,717    - I'LL BET YOU WERE FIRST   IN YOUR CLASS.  104 00:04:44,717 --> 00:04:48,054    - NO, BUT I SLEPT WITH HER.     - LOVELY. GET IN THE CAR.  105 00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:49,756    - COME BACK AND PICK ME UP   ON A BIKE.  106 00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:50,923  - I'VE GOT SOMETHING   TO TELL YOU.  107 00:04:50,923 --> 00:04:51,924    - GO TELL IT ON A MOUNTAIN.  108 00:04:51,924 --> 00:04:53,860    - GET IN THE DAMN CAR, SEAN!      109 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,199  - LEAST YOU COULD DO   IS BUY A HYBRID.  110 00:05:00,199 --> 00:05:04,203  - LEAST YOU COULD DO   IS TAKE A SHOWER.  111 00:05:04,203 --> 00:05:06,873  - EXCUSE ME, SIR,   I'LL TAKE THAT FOR YOU.  112 00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:10,310  - OH, OKAY.   THANK YOU.  113 00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:16,716  - GROSS.   - I KNOW YOU ARE.  114 00:05:16,716 --> 00:05:18,318  - I WOULD'VE BOUGHT YOU A MEAL.    115 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,986    - WE THROW AWAY A TON OF FOOD      IN THIS COUNTRY  116 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,321  EVERY SINGLE DAY.  117 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:24,557    AND NOT A FIGURATIVE TON.   AN ACTUAL TON.  118 00:05:24,557 --> 00:05:26,059    BESIDES, I WOULDN'T WANT   TO TAKE FOOD  119 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,227  OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF ALL THOSE        TAPEWORMS YOU'RE FEEDING.  120 00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:30,229  - NEVER COMMENT   ON A WOMAN'S MEAL.  121 00:05:30,229 --> 00:05:34,467  - SO WHAT DID YOU WANT   TO TELL ME?  122 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:44,911  - YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE.  123 00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:46,145  - I DON'T WANT THIS.  124 00:05:46,145 --> 00:05:47,780  - IT'S JUST SOME MONEY   JUST TO TUCK AWAY.  125 00:05:47,780 --> 00:05:49,782  - [robotic voice]   I DO NOT WANT IT.  126 00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:50,783  [normal voice]   HAVE WE MET?  127 00:05:50,783 --> 00:05:51,951    - YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEND IT.     128 00:05:51,951 --> 00:05:53,353  JUST IN CASE YOU WANT   TO GET AN APARTMENT.  129 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,188    - I FEEL LIKE I'M ON A TRAIN       IN EUROPE,  130 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,056  AND YOU'RE A LITTLE GERMAN MAN,     AND I'M ME,  131 00:05:57,056 --> 00:05:58,558  AND WE'RE SITTING   ACROSS FROM EACH OTHER,  132 00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:00,293  AND WE'RE TALKING  133 00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:03,463    BUT NEITHER OF US REALLY     UNDERSTANDS THE OTHER ONE.  134 00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:05,131    - I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU LOVE       SHOCKING PEOPLE  135 00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:07,400  AND YOU THINK LIVING LIKE THIS        IS A GOOD IDEA RIGHT NOW.  136 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,635  BUT JUST DO ME A FAVOR   AND TAKE IT.  137 00:06:09,635 --> 00:06:11,337  - OKAY. I'LL GIVE IT   TO THE SALVATION ARMY.  138 00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:13,005  - NO, YOU WILL NOT.  139 00:06:13,005 --> 00:06:15,875  YOU WILL NOT GIVE IT   TO THE SALVATION ARMY.  140 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:18,211  NO. STOP IT.  141 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,380  - OH, RELAX.   SHE'S MY SISTER.  142 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:23,116  YOU WANT ME TO HAVE IT AS LONG      AS I DO WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO.    143 00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:24,384    - I WANT YOU TO SPEND IT   ON YOURSELF.  144 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,385  I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY.  145 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,753    - NO, YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY  146 00:06:26,753 --> 00:06:28,621    AND YOU THINK THIS'LL DO IT   FOR YOU.  147 00:06:28,621 --> 00:06:32,759  THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME.   I'M FREAKING ECSTATIC.  148 00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:34,594    [scoffs] I WISH YOU KNEW   WHAT THAT FELT LIKE.  149 00:06:34,594 --> 00:06:38,030  - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?     YOU DON'T THINK I'M HAPPY?  150 00:06:38,030 --> 00:06:39,532  - NO, NO. I DON'T WANT   TO BE A JUDGE,  151 00:06:39,532 --> 00:06:40,867    'CAUSE THAT'S YOUR THING.  152 00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:43,035  BUT EIGHT OUT OF THE TEN TIMES      I SAW YOU LAST YEAR  153 00:06:43,035 --> 00:06:44,537    ALL YOU COULD TALK ABOUT  154 00:06:44,537 --> 00:06:46,873    WAS WHETHER YOU'RE GONNA BUY         A COUCH FROM CRATE AND BARREL     155 00:06:46,873 --> 00:06:47,874  OR POTTERY FARM.  156 00:06:47,874 --> 00:06:49,375  - BARN.   - LIKE I CARE.  157 00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:53,246  ONE WAS CHEAPER, BUT THE OTHER      ONE HAD A NICER FABRIC.  158 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,281    AND ULTIMATELY YOU DECIDED   TO STICK WITH THE ONE  159 00:06:55,281 --> 00:06:57,550  YOU ALREADY HAD     'CAUSE IT WAS A SAFE NEUTRAL      160 00:06:57,550 --> 00:07:00,987  WITH A FEW GOOD YEARS   STILL LEFT IN IT.  161 00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:03,222    GOD, AM I GLAD YOU WORKED   THROUGH THAT!  162 00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:05,224  - THAT DOESN'T MEAN   I'M NOT HAPPY.  163 00:07:05,224 --> 00:07:09,362    - OH, GOOD. THEN YOU ARE JUST      REALLY FUCKING BORING.  164 00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:14,400  - I WANTED A NEW COUCH   BECAUSE YOU SPILLED FRUIT PUNCH    165 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:15,902  WHILE YOU WERE BOUNCING   ON THE CUSHIONS.  166 00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:19,806  - NOT BOUNCING.   RIVERDANCING.  167 00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:21,607  I AM CRAVING THE PASTA.  168 00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:23,042    BUT I LOVE THEIR CHICKEN.  169 00:07:23,042 --> 00:07:24,844  SO I WAS THINKING MAYBE YOU GET     THE PASTA,  170 00:07:24,844 --> 00:07:26,212  I GET THE CHICKEN,   WE SPLIT.  171 00:07:26,212 --> 00:07:28,648  - WHAT 45-YEAR-OLD MAN     DANCES ON A COUCH SOBER?  172 00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:29,816  - WHO SAID I WAS SOBER?  173 00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:31,083  - NOW I HAVE TO REVERSE   THE CUSHIONS.  174 00:07:31,083 --> 00:07:32,118    I HAVE TO HIDE THE STAIN.  175 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,653  I USED TO LIE AWAKE   AT NIGHT UPSET  176 00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:35,054  BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH     YOU COULDN'T SEE THE STAINS  177 00:07:35,054 --> 00:07:36,289  I KNEW THEY WERE THERE.  178 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,323    - WELL, THAT'S WHY I TOLD YOU      TO GO AHEAD  179 00:07:37,323 --> 00:07:38,758    AND PICK OUT A NEW COUCH.  180 00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:41,494    - I DON'T WANT TO BE THE ONE         TO PICK OUT THE NEW COUCH.  181 00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:43,663  I WANT TO BE THE ONE     TO SPILL THE FRUIT PUNCH.  182 00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:48,067  - BUT YOU'RE NOT THE "SPILLING      THE FRUIT PUNCH" TYPE.  183 00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:53,039    - DO YOU THINK I'M BORING?  184 00:07:53,039 --> 00:07:54,340  - JUST PLEASE TELL ME   WHAT I HAVE TO DO  185 00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:55,641    TO GET BACK IN THE HOUSE.  186 00:07:55,641 --> 00:07:56,642  - YOU DO.   YOU THINK I'M BORING.  187 00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,110  - I DO NOT.  188 00:07:58,110 --> 00:08:00,146  LOOK, IT'S JUST THE WAY THAT OUR   PERSONALITIES BREAK DOWN.      189 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:01,948    I LIKE TO DO CERTAIN THINGS   THAT SOME PEOPLE  190 00:08:01,948 --> 00:08:04,083    MIGHT CATEGORIZE AS FUN,  191 00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:07,119    AND YOU LIKE TO OTHER THINGS       THAT PEOPLE MIGHT CONSIDER LESS    192 00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:08,688    THAN AN OPTIMAL GOOD TIME.  193 00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:10,022  - LIKE WHAT?  194 00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:12,024  - LIKE ORGANIZE STUFF,   AND--AND CLEAN STUFF,  195 00:08:12,024 --> 00:08:13,893    AND PUT THINGS IN CONTAINERS.     196 00:08:13,893 --> 00:08:15,061    - I WANTED TO BE THE FUN ONE.     197 00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,729  I WANTED THE HOUSE   WITH THE POOL,  198 00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:18,431  SO I COULD TEACH ADAM     THE BANANA SPLIT AND DIVE.  199 00:08:18,431 --> 00:08:19,765    BUT YOU WANTED TO BE CLOSER   TO YOUR JOB  200 00:08:19,765 --> 00:08:20,933    SO YOU COULD VESPA TO WORK.  201 00:08:20,933 --> 00:08:22,335  - AND YOU SAID   IT WAS A BETTER IDEA  202 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,737    BECAUSE SO MANY PEOPLE DIE   IN POOLS.  203 00:08:24,737 --> 00:08:26,906    - PEOPLE DIE EVERYWHERE.  204 00:08:26,906 --> 00:08:28,741    I SAID IT WAS A BETTER IDEA     BECAUSE YOU THREW A TANTRUM  205 00:08:28,741 --> 00:08:30,142    IN FRONT OF THE REALTOR.  206 00:08:30,142 --> 00:08:31,410  - I MADE MY POINT     IN AN EMOTIONAL WAY, SURE.  207 00:08:31,410 --> 00:08:32,712  - YOU MADE YOUR POINT   IN A CHILDISH WAY.  208 00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:34,113    - WELL, MAYBE I WOULDN'T ACT       LIKE SUCH A KID  209 00:08:34,113 --> 00:08:35,281  IF YOU DIDN'T ASK ME   IF I NEEDED TO PEE  210 00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:36,749  EVERY TIME WE LEAVE THE HOUSE.     211 00:08:36,749 --> 00:08:38,084  - SO MAYBE I WOULDN'T TREAT YOU     LIKE SUCH A CHILD  212 00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,685    IF EVERY TIME I MADE YOU   A SANDWICH,  213 00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:40,853    YOU DIDN'T ASK ME TO CUT     THE CRUSTS OFF THE BREAD.  214 00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:42,121  - OH, SUE ME, I LOVE   A CRUSTLESS SANDWICH.  215 00:08:42,121 --> 00:08:43,389  - WELL, I LOVE ONIONS.  216 00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:45,424  I HAVEN'T HAD AN ONION   IN 15 YEARS  217 00:08:45,424 --> 00:08:47,560  BECAUSE YOU SAY   THEY'RE STINKY POO-POO.  218 00:08:47,560 --> 00:08:50,563  - THEY ARE!  219 00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:52,732  COME ON, CATHY,     ARE YOU HONESTLY TELLING ME  220 00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:54,400  THAT I'M SLEEPING   ON MY SISTER'S COUCH  221 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,302    BECAUSE YOU WANT TO START     COOKING WITH ONIONS AGAIN?  222 00:08:56,302 --> 00:09:00,373  - [whispers] YES, PAUL.   THAT'S IT.  223 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,208  I WANT ONIONS     TO BE A MAJOR PART OF MY LIFE     224 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:03,676  IN THE NEXT YEAR.  225 00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:08,014    - ARE YOU READY TO ORDER?  226 00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:10,783    - I'M JUST HAVING DESSERTS   AND LIQUOR.  227 00:09:18,624 --> 00:09:20,026    - YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE!   - OH, MY GOD!  228 00:09:20,026 --> 00:09:21,527  - GET ON THE GROUND!   - PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!  229 00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:25,398  - HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD!       - DON'T HURT ME! I HAVE A CHILD!  230 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,768  - HEY, MOM.   DID YOU MISS ME?  231 00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:29,869  - THAT'S NOT FUNNY!  232 00:09:29,869 --> 00:09:33,072  - IT'S KIND OF FUNNY   FROM THIS SIDE.  233 00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:34,307  - WHY ARE YOU HOME?  234 00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:36,208    - BRENT'S PARENTS JUST DROVE       REALLY FAST.  235 00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:40,179  SOME VACATION.     THEY FOUGHT THE ENTIRE TIME.      236 00:09:40,179 --> 00:09:43,849  WHERE'S DAD?  237 00:09:43,849 --> 00:09:47,286  - HE'S--HE'S STAYING   AT AUNT LISA'S.  238 00:09:47,286 --> 00:09:50,156  - WHY?  239 00:09:50,156 --> 00:09:53,826    - SOMETIMES ADULTS JUST NEED         A LITTLE BREATHING SPACE.  240 00:09:53,826 --> 00:09:56,596    - JESUS. WHAT DID YOU DO?   - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?  241 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,664  DON'T SAY "JESUS."   - JESUS.  242 00:09:58,664 --> 00:10:02,335    ARE YOU GONNA GET A DIVORCE?      243 00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,003  - HONEY, EVERYTHING'S   GONNA BE FINE.  244 00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:05,671    WE'RE--WE'RE BUILDING A DECK       TO THE HOUSE  245 00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:07,173  WITH A HOT TUB   SO YOU AND YOUR FRIE--  246 00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:10,009    - I DON'T LIKE HOT TUBS.   - YOU DON'T?  247 00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:11,777  - NO. YOU SAID THEY'RE   LIKE SITTING  248 00:10:11,777 --> 00:10:13,512  IN A GIANT PETRI DISH,  249 00:10:13,512 --> 00:10:16,349  EVERYBODY'S GERMS   CRAWLING UP IN YOUR BUTT HOLE.     250 00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,985    - PRETTY SURE I DIDN'T SAY   BUTT HOLE.  251 00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:24,490    YOU'RE TIRED. GO TO BED.   - JESUS.  252 00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:38,371  - NO, BRIAN,     YOU'RE NOT UNDERSTANDING.  253 00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:42,408    - I-I-I WANT--I WANT A POOL.       NOT A HOT TUB. A POOL.  254 00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:43,909  - OKAY, BRIAN,   LET ME CALL YOU BACK.  255 00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:47,513  - DIG A HOLE AS DEEP AND AS WIDE   AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN.  256 00:10:47,513 --> 00:10:48,648    CUT DOWN THE SHADE TREE.  257 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,049    DIG RIGHT UP TO THE HOUSE  258 00:10:50,049 --> 00:10:52,585  SO THAT I CAN DIVE     INTO THE POOL FROM MY PORCH.      259 00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,053    NOW, I'LL PAY YOU OVERTIME.  260 00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:55,955  BUT IF YOU DON'T WANT THE JOB,      I'LL GET SOMEBODY ELSE.  261 00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:57,623    IT'S NO SKIN OFF MY NOSE.     I HAVE NO LOYALTY TO YOU.  262 00:10:57,623 --> 00:10:59,859  WE JUST MET.  263 00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,627  - HEY, LADY, IF THAT'S   WHAT YOU WANT,  264 00:11:01,627 --> 00:11:04,597  I WILL GET A DIGGER     OUT HERE THIS AFTERNOON.  265 00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:07,066  - GREAT.  266 00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:10,036    GET YOUR DIGGER OUT HERE.  267 00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:11,437  BIGGER YOUR DIGGER,   THE BETTER.  268 00:11:15,274 --> 00:11:16,409  - BRING IT BACK.  269 00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:19,311  - I'M SORRY. I'M CATHY.  270 00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:21,280  IT'S WEIRD, I'VE LIVED     ACROSS THE STREET FROM YOU  271 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,616  FOR FIVE YEARS.   I NEVER GOT YOUR NAME.  272 00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:25,551  I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT.  273 00:11:25,551 --> 00:11:28,054  YOU KNOW, THERE--THERE'S   A DOG PARK PRETTY CLOSE TO HERE.  274 00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:30,389  MY SON COULD--  275 00:11:30,389 --> 00:11:34,260    WELL, GUESS WHO'S NOT GOING   TO SWIM IN MY POOL.  276 00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:37,196  [school bell rings]  277 00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:41,434  [clicking]  278 00:11:44,603 --> 00:11:50,543    - ARE YOU GONNA TEACH US   ANYTHING TODAY?  279 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:52,778  - HAVE I EVER   TAUGHT YOU ANYTHING?  280 00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:54,780  REALLY?  281 00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:58,784  THIS IS SUMMER SCHOOL,   SO I GUESS THE ANSWER'S OBVIOUS.  282 00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:04,557  ANYBODY EVER SEEN  THE PATRIOT?     283 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,459  ITS DEPICTION     OF THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION  284 00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:09,395  IS ABOUT 20% ACCURATE AT BEST.     285 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,397  BUT IF YOU UNDERSTOOD   THIS VERSION AS TRUTH,  286 00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,599  YOU'D STILL KNOW MORE     ABOUT THAT TIME IN HISTORY  287 00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:15,668  THAN 99% OF AMERICANS.  288 00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:19,405  AND MEL GIBSON IS MEDIUM GOOD.      ENJOY.  289 00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,676  [door closes]  290 00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:27,113    YOU'RE LATE AGAIN, ANDREA.  291 00:12:27,113 --> 00:12:28,714  - YEAH, BUT I FIGURED   SINCE YOU USUALLY SPEND  292 00:12:28,714 --> 00:12:29,982  THE FIRST TEN MINUTES   OF EVERY CLASS  293 00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:31,083    TRYING TO GET TO YOUR POINT,      294 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:32,785    I DIDN'T MISS A WHOLE LOT.  295 00:12:32,785 --> 00:12:35,521  "CLASS CHAPTER ONE.     OOP. SORRY, CHAPTER TWO.  296 00:12:35,521 --> 00:12:38,991  SORRY. SORRY. SORRY."   [laughter]  297 00:12:38,991 --> 00:12:42,595  - FUNNY.   COME GET YOUR TEST.  298 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,002    YOU CAN'T BE FAT AND MEAN,   ANDREA.  299 00:12:50,002 --> 00:12:51,537  - WHAT?   - YOU HEARD ME.  300 00:12:51,537 --> 00:12:52,638    IF YOU'RE GONNA DISH IT OUT,      301 00:12:52,638 --> 00:12:54,039  YOU GOT TO BE ABLE   TO LICK IT UP.  302 00:12:54,039 --> 00:12:56,542  FAT PEOPLE ARE JOLLY   FOR A REASON.  303 00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:59,044  FAT REPELS PEOPLE,   BUT JOY ATTRACTS THEM.  304 00:12:59,044 --> 00:13:01,046  NOW, I KNOW EVERYONE'S LAUGHING     AT YOUR CRUEL JOKES,  305 00:13:01,046 --> 00:13:02,782    BUT NOBODY'S INVITING YOU   TO THE PROM.  306 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,517  SO YOU CAN EITHER BE   FAT AND JOLLY  307 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:05,818  OR A SKINNY BITCH.  308 00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:07,920  IT'S UP TO YOU.  309 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:11,557  SIT DOWN.  310 00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:13,325  WE'RE WATCHING A MOVIE.  311 00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:27,907  - STARVING MY FACE OFF.  312 00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:30,309  - HELP ME CUT.  313 00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:33,012  I AM MAKING CHILI.   YOUR FAVORITE.  314 00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:35,281    - NOT WITH ONIONS IN IT.   - YOU'VE NEVER EVEN TRIED THEM.    315 00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:38,751    - WE HAD SUSHI ON VACATION.   IT WAS AWESOME.  316 00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:41,053  I AM A WARRIOR.   THIS IS MY WEAPON.  317 00:13:41,053 --> 00:13:43,088    I WILL TEACH YOU MANY THINGS.     318 00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:48,260    - HEY! CAREFUL WITH THAT.  319 00:13:48,260 --> 00:13:51,330  - OH. JEEZ!   I CUT MY FINGER OFF!  320 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,732  [affected crying]   - OH. HERE.  321 00:13:53,732 --> 00:13:55,568    - I JUST, LIKE, CUT IT OFF.   - HOLD THIS VERY TIGHT.  322 00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:57,069  - OKAY.   - VERY TIGHT.  323 00:13:57,069 --> 00:13:58,604  GET INTO THE CAR.     WE WILL GO TO THE HOSPITAL.  324 00:13:58,604 --> 00:13:59,772  - OKAY.  325 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:02,842  - AH. AHA!  326 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:06,245  NAH! MM.  327 00:14:06,245 --> 00:14:08,214  - MOM!  328 00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:16,222  - THAT WASN'T FUNNY!   - LET'S TAKE A VOTE.  329 00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:18,924  - I'LL DISCUSS YOUR PUNISHMENT      WITH YOUR DAD.  330 00:14:18,924 --> 00:14:21,093    - LET ME KNOW HOW THAT GOES.      331 00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:23,229  - DID YOU NOT FLUSH   THE TOILET?  332 00:14:23,229 --> 00:14:24,263  - IT WON'T FLUSH.  333 00:14:24,263 --> 00:14:25,731  - WELL, DID YOU TRY   AND PLUNGE IT?  334 00:14:25,731 --> 00:14:27,066  - YOU PLUNGE IT.     I'M GONNA GO EAT AT BRENT'S.      335 00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:29,702  [siren blares]  336 00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:36,075  - WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?   - THIS YOUR HOUSE?  337 00:14:36,075 --> 00:14:37,643  - NO, I LIVE   IN THE NEXT TOWN OVER.  338 00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:39,578    I JUST LIKE TO WALK AROUND   IN MY ROBE.  339 00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:45,084    - WELL, TIGHTEN YOUR BELT   'CAUSE YOUR BOOB'S HANDING OUT.    340 00:14:45,084 --> 00:14:47,486  YOU DON'T HAVE PERMITS   FOR THIS JOB.  341 00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:50,356  - SO?     I'M NOT BOTHERING ANYONE.  342 00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:51,924  - ONE OF YOUR NEIGHBORS   COMPLAINED.  343 00:14:51,924 --> 00:14:53,893  - WHICH ONE?  344 00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:02,134  [dog whines]  345 00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:03,535    - OH, GOD. I AM SO SORRY.  346 00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:05,037  - YOU CAN'T JUST WALK   INTO MY HOUSE.  347 00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:06,805  - YOU HAVE NO IDEA   WHAT I CAN DO.  348 00:15:06,805 --> 00:15:09,041    - YOU'RE A PAIN IN THE ASS.     - YOU'RE A FUCKING CUNT.  349 00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:10,442  - GET OUT!  350 00:15:10,442 --> 00:15:12,511  - YOU HAVE NEVER SAID   HELLO TO ME.  351 00:15:12,511 --> 00:15:15,447  YOU HAVE NEVER SMILED   EVEN A LITTLE BIT.  352 00:15:15,447 --> 00:15:17,449  AND YOU SIT OUT THERE   AND YOU SCOWL  353 00:15:17,449 --> 00:15:19,685    AT EVERYBODY THAT WALKS BY   YOUR RUNDOWN HOUSE  354 00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:21,353  THAT LOOKS LIKE SHIT  355 00:15:21,353 --> 00:15:24,490  AND SMELLS LIKE CHICKEN     THAT YOU FRIED 23 YEARS AGO.      356 00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:26,992  THEN I DO ONE SMALL   CONSTRUCTION PROJECT  357 00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:29,094  AND YOU HAVE TO GO   BEHIND MY BACK.  358 00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:30,729  AND I REALLY--     I WANTED TO TEACH MY SON  359 00:15:30,729 --> 00:15:33,632    THE BANANA SPLIT AND DIVE,  360 00:15:33,632 --> 00:15:37,303    BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A LOT   OF TIME.  361 00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:39,405  SUMMERS IN MINNEAPOLIS,   THEY ARE VERY SHORT.  362 00:15:39,405 --> 00:15:41,206  THEY ARE HERE   AND THEN IT'S OVER.  363 00:15:41,206 --> 00:15:42,408  IT'S JUST OVER.  364 00:15:42,408 --> 00:15:44,376  AND I CANNOT TELL YOU   HOW MAD THAT MAKES ME.  365 00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:46,478  [dog whines]   I'M SO SORRY.  366 00:15:46,478 --> 00:15:50,282  - MY HUSBAND BUILT   THIS HOUSE!  367 00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:53,185    AND HE LOVED PUTTERING AROUND      IN THE YARD.  368 00:15:53,185 --> 00:15:54,386  I ACCUSED HIM   OF LOVING THAT LAWN  369 00:15:54,386 --> 00:15:55,587  MORE THAN ME ONCE.  370 00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:59,091  - HMM. LET ME GUESS--   - HE DIED.  371 00:15:59,091 --> 00:16:00,859  AND ALL MY FRIENDS   ARE DEAD.  372 00:16:00,859 --> 00:16:06,165  SO I JUST SIT OUT THERE AND WAIT     UNTIL I CAN SEE THEM AGAIN.  373 00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:08,734  SORRY I'M NOT   IN A BETTER MOOD.  374 00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:10,369  - WELL, IF YOU THINK     YOU'RE GOING TO BE WAITING  375 00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:12,638  AT LEAST ONE MORE DAY,     DO YOUR NEIGHBORS A FAVOR  376 00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:16,942    AND MOW YOUR FUCKING GRASS.  377 00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:37,162  - [grunts]  378 00:16:45,604 --> 00:16:47,206  PLEASE KISS   MY BIG ONION MOUTH.  379 00:16:47,206 --> 00:16:49,141  - NO.  380 00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:52,111    - 'CAUSE THEY'RE STINKY,   AREN'T THEY?  381 00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:53,946  - THEY'RE STINKY.  382 00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:01,620  - FROM NOW ON,   IT'S ALL ABOUT YOU.  383 00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:04,857  HOWEVER LONG IT TAKES--   FOREVER--YOU.  384 00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,358  [phone rings]  385 00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:08,761    [Cathy on answering machine]       MAKE OUR DAY. LEAVE A MESSAGE.     386 00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:12,698  [beep]     - HI, CATHY, IT'S DR. MILLER.     387 00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:16,402    TODD. UM, I'M JUST CALLING     TO CHECK IN, SEE HOW YOU ARE.     388 00:17:16,402 --> 00:17:21,840  I'VE BEEN THINKING   ABOUT YOU...A LOT.  389 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,675  ANYWAY, CALL ME.  390 00:17:23,675 --> 00:17:25,844  - WHO'S THAT?  391 00:17:33,118 --> 00:17:36,488  I'VE BEEN MEANING TO...  392 00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:41,160    TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING.      393 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:44,263    - ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?     394 00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:46,932  SO THIS IS WHY YOU NEED   YOUR SPACE?  395 00:17:46,932 --> 00:17:48,400    THIS IS WHAT YOU MEAN BY FUN?     396 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,302  A LITTLE DOCTOR FUN   ON THE SIDE?  397 00:17:50,302 --> 00:17:54,039    WELL, YOU ARE NOT BORING   ANYMORE, CATHERINE.  398 00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:59,078  I'LL GIVE YOU THAT.   JESUS.  399 00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:01,180  HOW COULD YOU DO THIS   TO ME?  400 00:18:05,851 --> 00:18:07,686  [door closes]  401 00:18:09,455 --> 00:18:12,124  - WELL, EVENTUALLY,   YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TELL HIM.     402 00:18:12,124 --> 00:18:13,959    - MAYBE YOU CAN TELL HIM   FOR ME.  403 00:18:13,959 --> 00:18:15,194  I MEAN, AFTER ALL,   YOU HAVE MORE PRACTICE  404 00:18:15,194 --> 00:18:17,596    GIVING OUT THIS KIND OF NEWS.     405 00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:20,365  DOES IT GET EASIER?   DO YOU LIKE IT?  406 00:18:20,365 --> 00:18:23,869  DOES IT GIVE YOU A BIT   OF A GOD COMPLEX?  407 00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:25,671  - YOU'RE MY FIRST.  408 00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:27,172  - REALLY?  409 00:18:27,172 --> 00:18:29,341    - WELL, I-I-I MEAN I'VE BEEN       IN ON OTHER DIAGNOSES  410 00:18:29,341 --> 00:18:31,076  WITH OTHER DOCTORS,     YOU KNOW, IN MY TRAINING.  411 00:18:31,076 --> 00:18:33,078  -  HOW OLD ARE YOU?   - 31.  412 00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:36,582    - OH, HOLY SHIT. SHOWS YOU     HOW GOOD MY INSURANCE IS.  413 00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:39,351  I GET THE NEW GUY.  414 00:18:39,351 --> 00:18:41,320  SO AS YOUR FIRST,   HOW WAS I?  415 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:45,224  - WELL, THE FIRST THING     YOU SAID WAS "IT'S OKAY."  416 00:18:45,224 --> 00:18:46,992    I THINK YOU WERE MORE WORRIED      ABOUT ME.  417 00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:49,161    - IT'S A BAD HABIT OF MINE.  418 00:18:49,161 --> 00:18:52,164  IT TAKES 28 DAYS     TO BREAK A HABIT, RIGHT?  419 00:18:52,164 --> 00:18:55,734  I HAVE THAT.  420 00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:59,605  - SO HOW WAS I?  421 00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:02,341  - VERY PROFESSIONAL   AND MATTER-OF-FACT,  422 00:19:02,341 --> 00:19:03,709  BUT DETAILED.  423 00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:05,344    YOU DUMBED IT DOWN ENOUGH   TO BE CLEAR,  424 00:19:05,344 --> 00:19:06,612  BUT NOT INSULTING.  425 00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:08,247  AND UNDERNEATH IT ALL,   YOU SEEMED SAD.  426 00:19:08,247 --> 00:19:09,314  AND I APPRECIATED THAT.  427 00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:11,416    BUT AFTER YOU LEFT THE ROOM,      428 00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:12,951  I HEARD YOU JOKING   WITH THE NURSE  429 00:19:12,951 --> 00:19:15,320    ABOUT PUTTING THE DONUTS     TOO CLOSE TO THE URINE SAMPLE     430 00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,890    AND IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE   SUPPOSED TO WASH IT DOWN WITH.     431 00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:21,093  - YOU HEARD THAT?   - MADE ME DOUBT YOUR SINCERITY.    432 00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:24,096  - THIN WALLS.   I'LL REMEMBER THAT.  433 00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:25,931  - YOU'LL REMEMBER   MORE THAN THAT.  434 00:19:25,931 --> 00:19:27,566  - YOU THINK?   - OF COURSE.  435 00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:31,937  YOU ALWAYS REMEMBER   YOUR FIRST.  436 00:19:31,937 --> 00:19:34,339  [school bell rings]  437 00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:04,002  - ARE YOU SMOKING?   - DID YOU JUST DO A CARTWHEEL?     438 00:20:04,002 --> 00:20:05,837  - I WANT YOU TO THINK   OF EVERY ONE OF THESE YOU SMOKE    439 00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:07,839  AS TAKING SIX MONTHS   OFF OF YOUR LIFE.  440 00:20:07,839 --> 00:20:09,841  - YOU KNOW WHAT,   I'D RATHER BE SKINNY  441 00:20:09,841 --> 00:20:11,510  AND DIE YOUNG   THAN BE FAT FOREVER.  442 00:20:11,510 --> 00:20:14,146  WHAT CAN I SAY?     FAT CAMP DIDN'T WORK FOR ME.      443 00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:16,448    - YEAH, WELL, THERE HAVE     GOT TO BE OTHER OPTIONS.  444 00:20:16,448 --> 00:20:19,318  - THE BLOOD SUGAR DIET.   THE PROTEIN DIET.  445 00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:20,986  THE STARVATION DIET.  446 00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:23,488  THE PRETENDING     I JUST DON'T CARE STRATEGY.  447 00:20:23,488 --> 00:20:26,124  YOU KNOW WHAT,   YOU WOULD BE MEAN TOO.  448 00:20:26,124 --> 00:20:29,728    - YOU JUST NEED MOTIVATION.   - OH, I'M HEALED!  449 00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:32,064  THANKS, MRS. JAMISON.   I SHOULD'VE COME TO YOU SOONER.    450 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:35,300    - I'LL PAY YOU 100 BUCKS     FOR EVERY POUND YOU LOSE.  451 00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:37,636    HERE. HERE'S A GOOD FAITH...      452 00:20:37,636 --> 00:20:40,372  $23.  453 00:20:40,372 --> 00:20:42,007  WE MEET IN THE GYM EVERY FRIDAY     AT 2:00 FOR WEIGH-INS.  454 00:20:42,007 --> 00:20:44,576  IF YOU SMELL LIKE A CIGARETTE,      THE DEAL IS OFF.  455 00:20:44,576 --> 00:20:49,848  - THIS SKINNY BITCH     WILL SEE YOU ON FRIDAY THEN.      456 00:21:10,502 --> 00:21:13,705  - MY NAME'S MARLENE.     MY DOG'S NAME IS THOMAS.  457 00:21:13,705 --> 00:21:15,374  HE DOESN'T LIKE WALKING   'CAUSE HE'S GOT A THING  458 00:21:15,374 --> 00:21:19,211  ON HIS TOE,     BUT THANKS FOR THE OFFER.  459 00:21:23,382 --> 00:21:25,651    - NICE TO MEET YOU, MARLENE.      460 00:21:25,651 --> 00:21:28,954  - CAN I BORROW YOUR LAWNMOWER?      MINE'S DEAD.  461 00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:30,622  ADD IT TO THE LIST.  462 00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:36,595    - SURE. I'LL HAVE MY SON   BRING IT OVER.  463 00:21:36,595 --> 00:21:41,700  MARLENE...  464 00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:42,968    IF YOU WERE READY TO GO,  465 00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,504  DID YOU EVER THINK   ABOUT JUST GOING?  466 00:21:45,504 --> 00:21:50,275  - THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME,        BUT I JUST KEEP WAKING UP.  467 00:21:55,547 --> 00:21:58,216  - YOU CALL ME ANY TIME   DAY OR NIGHT.  468 00:21:58,216 --> 00:21:59,818  IT DOESN'T MATTER.   YOU UNDERSTAND?  469 00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:02,954    CALL ME WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER.       CALL ME RIGHT NOW.  470 00:22:02,954 --> 00:22:05,524  CALL ME RIGHT NOW.  471 00:22:05,524 --> 00:22:10,529  IT'S A PHONE TOO.   - I KNOW.  472 00:22:10,529 --> 00:22:13,865  - I LOVE YOU, BUDDY.  473 00:22:27,279 --> 00:22:29,247  - MOM!  474 00:22:42,327 --> 00:22:45,330  [knocks] MOM.  475 00:22:50,969 --> 00:22:54,973  - OH, MY GOD.  476 00:22:54,973 --> 00:22:56,842  [screams]  477 00:22:59,745 --> 00:23:02,347  [screams]  478 00:23:02,347 --> 00:23:07,386    - WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING?   - NO! NO WAY! NO WAY! YOU SUCK!    479 00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:08,954  - SOME DAY,   I AM GOING TO BE DEAD.  480 00:23:08,954 --> 00:23:10,122  AND AS A COURTESY   TO THE WORLD,  481 00:23:10,122 --> 00:23:11,656  I DON'T WANT   TO LEAVE THEM THE GUY  482 00:23:11,656 --> 00:23:13,058    WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO GET   HIS SHIT TO FLUSH.  483 00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:14,426  AND LET ME BE CLEAR,  484 00:23:14,426 --> 00:23:16,094    YOUR DAD ISN'T LIVING HERE   BECAUSE I ONLY WANTED  485 00:23:16,094 --> 00:23:17,529  TO RAISE ONE KID   AND I CHOSE YOU.  486 00:23:17,529 --> 00:23:19,698  AND FROM NOW ON,   I'M GOING TO RAISE YOU SO HARD,    487 00:23:19,698 --> 00:23:21,533  YOUR HEAD'S GONNA SPIN.  488 00:23:21,533 --> 00:23:24,202  COME ON.  489 00:23:24,202 --> 00:23:26,171  - GET OFF ME.   WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  490 00:23:26,171 --> 00:23:30,442    - SORRY. IT'S NOT SUSHI.  491 00:23:30,442 --> 00:23:32,110  THE INSTRUCTIONS   ARE IN THE NAME.  492 00:23:32,110 --> 00:23:33,578  PLUNGE-HER.  493 00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:34,846  WHERE'D YOU GET THAT?  494 00:23:34,846 --> 00:23:36,815  - DAD GAVE IT TO ME.   - I DON'T THINK SO.  495 00:23:36,815 --> 00:23:40,218    - MOM. GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK.     496 00:23:40,218 --> 00:23:45,190  MOM. MOM, COME ON.   OPEN THE DOOR.  497 00:23:45,190 --> 00:23:50,095  THIS ISN'T COOL.   SERIOUSLY. COME ON.  498 00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:51,196  [The Staple Singers'      I'll Take You There  plays]  499 00:23:51,196 --> 00:23:53,832  - LET ME OUT.  500 00:23:53,832 --> 00:23:55,434  THIS ISN'T COOL!  501 00:23:55,434 --> 00:23:57,769  ♪ ♪  502 00:23:57,769 --> 00:23:59,771  - MOM, THIS IS--   THIS IS NOT FUNNY.  503 00:23:59,771 --> 00:24:02,040  SERIOUSLY, LET ME OUT   RIGHT NOW.  504 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:05,043  [The Staple Singers'  I'll Take      You There  continues]  505 00:24:05,043 --> 00:24:13,051  ♪ ♪  506 00:24:15,954 --> 00:24:18,824  MOM, COME ON.   COME ON, SERIOUSLY.  507 00:24:18,824 --> 00:24:21,026  THIS ISN'T FUNNY!  508 00:24:30,001 --> 00:24:32,537    - I BROUGHT YOU SOME CHILI.  509 00:24:32,537 --> 00:24:37,142  - I WANT FOR NOTHING.   - IT'S LEFTOVERS.  510 00:24:37,142 --> 00:24:41,012    I WAS GONNA THROW IT AWAY.  511 00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:51,490  - TAKE A PICTURE.   IT LASTS LONGER.  512 00:24:53,959 --> 00:24:55,560  YOU WEARING A ROBE?  513 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:58,797  - I NEVER NOTICED     WHAT A HANDSOME GUY YOU ARE.      514 00:24:58,797 --> 00:25:00,765    NO WONDER MY FRIEND HOLLY   HAD SUCH A CRUSH ON YOU  515 00:25:00,765 --> 00:25:01,766  IN HIGH SCHOOL.  516 00:25:01,766 --> 00:25:03,368    SHE'D COME OVER TO HANG OUT.      517 00:25:03,368 --> 00:25:05,737    I'D CATCH HER IN YOUR ROOM     STARING AT YOUR CLOTHES.  518 00:25:05,737 --> 00:25:07,138  - I NEVER KNEW THAT.  519 00:25:07,138 --> 00:25:08,773  - IT GROSSED ME OUT     TO THINK OF YOU TWO TOGETHER      520 00:25:08,773 --> 00:25:10,709    SO I TOLD HER YOU WERE GAY.  521 00:25:10,709 --> 00:25:12,277  - OH, WELL.  522 00:25:12,277 --> 00:25:14,779    I GUESS SHE THINKS SHE LOST   HER VIRGINITY TO A GAY GUY THEN.  523 00:25:14,779 --> 00:25:18,950  - NO WAY.   - WAY.  524 00:25:18,950 --> 00:25:22,587  - [laughs]  525 00:25:22,587 --> 00:25:25,690    OH, I'M GONNA BURN MY COUCH     IN THE BACKYARD ON FRIDAY  526 00:25:25,690 --> 00:25:27,726    IF YOU WANT TO COME OVER   FOR A BONFIRE.  527 00:25:27,726 --> 00:25:30,128  - STARTING TO GET   YOUR WEIRD BACK, SIS.  528 00:25:30,128 --> 00:25:32,497  - YOU HAVE NO IDEA.  529 00:25:32,497 --> 00:25:34,966  [starts engine]  530 00:25:34,966 --> 00:25:36,968  [The Staple Singers'      I'll Take You There  plays]  531 00:25:36,968 --> 00:25:39,337  ♪ ♪  532 00:25:39,337 --> 00:25:41,540  - ♪ MERCY, MERCY ♪  533 00:25:41,540 --> 00:25:45,610  ♪ I'LL TAKE YOU THERE ♪  534 00:25:45,610 --> 00:25:47,512  - AND I COULD DO CHEMO,  535 00:25:47,512 --> 00:25:49,548  BUT I'D JUST BE BUYING   A LITTLE MORE TIME  536 00:25:49,548 --> 00:25:54,653  AND IT WOULD MEAN   A LOT OF PEOPLE  537 00:25:54,653 --> 00:25:55,887  TAKING CARE OF ME  538 00:25:55,887 --> 00:26:00,258    AND IT'S JUST NOT MY THING.  539 00:26:00,258 --> 00:26:01,793    YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES ME FEEL   BETTER THOUGH,  540 00:26:01,793 --> 00:26:06,097  IF I'M BEING HONEST?  541 00:26:06,097 --> 00:26:10,635  IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER  542 00:26:10,635 --> 00:26:13,171  TO THINK THAT   WE'RE ALL DYING.  543 00:26:16,408 --> 00:26:18,910  ALL OF US.  544 00:26:18,910 --> 00:26:20,078    AND WHEN YOU HAVE A KID,  545 00:26:20,078 --> 00:26:22,280    YOU EXPECT THAT YOU'LL DIE   BEFORE THEY DO.  546 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,749    I MEAN, EVEN THOUGH YOU TRY   NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT,  547 00:26:24,749 --> 00:26:27,586    AT LEAST YOU HOPE TO GOD   YOU DO.  548 00:26:34,492 --> 00:26:38,663  SO IF I THINK ABOUT IT   THAT WAY...  549 00:26:38,663 --> 00:26:42,100  HEY...  550 00:26:42,100 --> 00:26:47,505  I'M LIVING THE DREAM!  551 00:26:47,505 --> 00:26:52,143  I'M HERE ALL YEAR!  552 00:26:52,143 --> 00:26:55,580    PERFORMING AT STAGE FOUR.  553 00:26:55,580 --> 00:26:57,415  [laughs]  554 00:26:57,415 --> 00:27:00,585  OH, COME ON. COME ON.  555 00:27:00,585 --> 00:27:02,787    YOU GOT TO GIVE IT UP FOR ME       A LITTLE BIT.  556 00:27:02,787 --> 00:27:07,726  IT'S KIND OF FUNNY.   DEATH COMEDY.  557 00:27:07,726 --> 00:27:09,594  HA HA.  558 00:27:09,594 --> 00:27:11,162  I'M WARNING YOU   THAT THIS LAUGHTER  559 00:27:11,162 --> 00:27:13,632  MIGHT TURN INTO A SOB   IN A SECOND.  560 00:27:18,336 --> 00:27:22,641  YEAH. THERE IT GOES.  561 00:27:27,278 --> 00:27:31,516    AS LONG AS I'M BEING RAW   AND VULNERABLE HERE,  562 00:27:31,516 --> 00:27:33,184    I MIGHT AS WELL TELL YOU  563 00:27:33,184 --> 00:27:37,055    THAT I'M FEELING VERY MUCH     IN LOVE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW.  564 00:27:37,055 --> 00:27:41,993    IT COULD JUST BE GRATITUDE.  565 00:27:41,993 --> 00:27:44,696    YOU WANT TO SEE MY BOOBS?  566 00:27:44,696 --> 00:27:48,400  NO ONE ELSE SEEMS   TO GIVE A SHIT.  567 00:27:50,902 --> 00:27:52,637     [This Little Light of Mine   plays]  568 00:27:52,637 --> 00:27:56,608  - ♪ THIS LITTLE LIGHT   OF MINE ♪  569 00:27:56,608 --> 00:28:00,845  ♪ I'M GONNA   LET IT SHINE ♪  570 00:28:00,845 --> 00:28:05,316  ♪ THIS LITTLE LIGHT   OF MINE ♪  571 00:28:05,316 --> 00:28:09,587  ♪ I'M GONNA   LET IT SHINE ♪  572 00:28:09,587 --> 00:28:13,925  ♪ THIS LITTLE LIGHT   OF MINE ♪  573 00:28:13,925 --> 00:28:16,995  ♪ I'M GONNA   LET IT SHINE ♪  574 00:28:16,995 --> 00:28:20,098  ♪ LET IT SHINE ♪  575 00:28:20,098 --> 00:28:25,070  ♪ LET IT SHINE   TO SHOW MY LOVE ♪  576 00:28:25,070 --> 00:28:27,639    ♪ I WANNA TELL YOU THAT ♪  577 00:28:27,639 --> 00:28:30,842  ♪ EVERYWHERE I GO ♪  578 00:28:30,842 --> 00:28:35,180  ♪ I'M GONNA   LET IT SHINE ♪  579 00:28:35,180 --> 00:28:39,851  ♪ AND EVERYWHERE I GO ♪  580 00:28:39,851 --> 00:28:43,988  ♪ I'M GONNA   LET IT SHINE ♪  581 00:28:43,988 --> 00:28:46,057  ♪ EVERYWHERE I GO ♪  582 00:28:46,057 --> 00:28:49,060    Captioning by  CaptionMax   www.captionmax.com  72289

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