All language subtitles for Maude s06e02 Phillip and Sam

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world
looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her.
She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't
you glad she showed up?

The country was falling apart.

Betsy Ross got it all sold up.

And then there's Maud.

And then there's Maud. And then there's
Maud. And then there's Maud. And then

there's Maud. And then there's Maud.
That uncompromising, enterprising,

but tranquilizing. No, no, Maud.

You're lovely to look at.

Delightful to know.

And a heaven to kiss.

Oh, God, you're foxy.

God, I... What?

What?

Why are you standing around singing when
we're due at the club at 7 .30?

You know it's my big night. I can't be
late.

Now, for crying out loud, would you put
on my tie?

Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry.

Walter,

you are on the verge of a nervous
breakdown. And for what?

Some dumb trophy you're getting at your
country club. Hold it, Maud.

There is no such thing as a dumb trophy.

I wanted to point that out to you before
you made a complete fool of yourself.

Carol, Carol, can you imagine getting
this excited because you're voted most

improved golfer of the month?

Okay, Mrs. Ipsy Pipsy.

Doesn't sound like much to you, but only
12...

man a year win that trophy.

Walter, Mother's very proud of you.

She just doesn't like going to those
country club dinners. Oh, I love going

the country club dinners. I just wish
they didn't serve food.

The club's doing the best they can. I
told you we lost our old chef.

Has anybody looked in the clam chowder?

Let's stop standing around criticizing
the food and get dressed.

Walter, you are the one who isn't
dressed.

Yes, but I'm not criticizing the food.

I'll get it.

Hi, hon.

Oh, hi, Maude. Hello, Andy.

Hey, Carol, we better step on it. If we
don't get there by nine, the lodge won't

hold the reservation.

Honey, I want you and Carol to just have
a wonderful time this weekend, you

hear? Oh, we will.

Honey, if you'll take the suitcases,
I'll be there in a minute. Okay. Bye,

Maude. Bye. Oh, and again, Andy, have a
wonderful time.

Oh, it's going to be sensational.

The Lake Louise Lodge is the most
romantic spot for lovers in the

Andy, have a wonderful time, but don't
tell me about it.

Andy, suitcase.

Oh, right, right.

Mother, will you do me a favor? When
Philip gets home, give him this note and

this $10.

Darling off on a business trip?

Miss you, Mother?

Mother. Business trip?

Don't start, Mother.

Carol, why do you act as if you and Andy
are going away for a dirty weekend?

We are.

Carol!

Well, that's the way most people think
of it. Well, you don't, and I don't. Now

sit down. Mother, Andy's waiting. Andy
will wait.

Don't get cute.

Now, why do you have to tell him that
you're off on a business trip? Do you

realize that on his next birthday,
Philip is going to be 15 years old?

I know that, Mother. It's just that when
Andy and I started going on these

weekends, I felt Philip was too young to
understand.

And I haven't gotten around to
straightening it out. Well, I think you

Honey, don't let that baby face fool
you. He is a very mature young man.

Remember, honey, he's your son.

He was raised by an intelligent,
sensitive, thoroughly understanding

grandmother.

You raised him? Where was I?

Most of the time, off on your dirty
weekends.

Oh, really, honey? Don't you think it's
time to be honest with Philip? Yes,

mother, you're right. I agree with
everything you've said.

I always... to him, to be honest. And
believe me, if he were here, I would

him the truth.

Hi.

Sam, I picked up some books from the
library. Honey, honey, you're just in

Goodbye, darling.

Uh, Carol, isn't there something that we
both agreed you owe Philip?

You're right, my love.

Philip, here's ten dollars, dear. Have a
nice weekend.

Carol, just a minute.

Philip,

Philip, I think that you are old enough
to understand a meaningful relationship

between a man and a woman.

Well, your mother and Andy have had this
kind of relationship for quite some

time now, and people who feel this way
about each other, well, they have the

need to be together and express those
feelings.

So, this weekend, your mother and Andy
are going away on a...

They're going away on a... Another phony
business trip.

Right.

You've known about this?

Well, Andy's a great guy.

And my grandma says you and Andy have a
meaningful relationship.

Besides, you've been going on these
weekends for over a year.

Honey, why didn't you say anything?

I thought the $10 was hush money.

would say we have done a very good job
with this young man.

Well, I guess we have.

Thanks, Mother.

Thanks, babe.

Bye. Goodbye, honey.

Oh, Philip. Philip, I'm so proud of you.

You've accepted the situation in a very
mature manner, and I think you deserve a

little something extra as a reward.

Only five dollars?

I don't have any guilt. I'm married to
Walter.

Honey, we'll be home about midnight. I'm
sorry you can't come with us. Oh, don't

worry about me, Grandma. Sam's coming
over. We're going to study tonight. Oh,

great. Listen, I have an idea. How would
you like to have Sam spend the night?

Hey, that'd be great. Terrific.

There's ice cream in the freezer. You
can make some popcorn. Have I ever met

Sam? Oh, yeah, last week at the
basketball game.

I don't think I remember him. What?

I want you to listen to my acceptance
speech.

Get dressed. Well, just listen.

Firstly, introduce me.

And there's big applause.

I'm very popular.

A lot of people at the club say I remind
them of Clark Gable.

A lot of people at the club are drunk,
Walter.

Now, come on, birdlegs. Go and get your
pants on.

You know, Grandma, maybe you better ask
Sam's parents.

It would sound better if the invitation
came from you. That's a very good idea.

They won't be home yet, so you can just
leave a message on their answering

machine.

Here, wait for the beep.

Wait for the beep.

Hello. This is Maude Findlay.

Look, your Sam is coming over to study
with my grandson, Philip, and I thought

since Philip has bunk beds, well, it
might be nice if Sam spent the night.

Come in.

I wasn't talking to you, machine.

This is my friend Vivian. Actually,
she's my closest friend. What am I

Well, you look beautiful, too.

Hello, Philip.

Hi. Well, what are you up to tonight?

My friend Sam's coming over to spend the
night, and we have to study for an

exam. Now, there's the kind of boy that
renews your faith in the younger

generation. He's going to stay home and
study, even though his mother's away

working hard on a business trip.

Not a business trip. Boy, Dr. Harmon,
you're living in a fool's paradise.

Philip, not in front of the KID.

Right.

They told him about Carol and Andy.

Well, Marty, I see you're poisoning this
boy's mind with your liberated view on

you -know -what.

It's all right, Dr. Harmon.

about sex in school.

Does your teacher know about this?

Arthur, he is talking about sex
education.

Arthur, times have changed.

It's no longer a subject that's only
mentioned in whispers.

Well, I think it's disgusting, and
there's entirely too much talk about it.

mean, that's the whole problem.
Everybody talks about sex, but nobody

anything about it.

Arthur, you do the best you can.

I don't want to be late. They may run
out of chicken or loctine. Oh, I love

that.

Honey, you and Sam have a wonderful
night. See you later.

I'm coming. Oh, now listen, Philip.

I don't want you messing up the kitchen.
And I want you to keep this door

locked. Do not let in any strangers.

Hi, I'm Sam.

Oh, come on in, Sam.

You'll be spending the night. I left a
message with your phone.

I'm Tom and Walter.

I'm Philip.

I expect both of you in bed by 1130.

Philip, open the door.

Sam, would you mind stepping into the
den, please? I'd like to talk to Philip.

Oh, sure, Mrs. Findlay. It'll just be a
few moments.

See you later, Philip.

Right. You little son of a gun.

Walter, this is no laughing matter.

Sit down, Philip.

Now, Philip, I want you to be honest.

You knew all along that Sam was a girl,
didn't you?

grade.

You son of a gun.

Now,

just a minute, Philip.

You knew I had no idea that Sam was
actually Samantha.

You should have said, no, Sam cannot
spend the night because I'm a boy and

a girl.

Why would a boy say a dumb thing like
that?

Sorry, I'm just a little edgy.

My grandson lied to me. He deceived me.

Tricked me into inviting a girl to spend
the night. Philip, I am... I am hurt. I

am genuinely hurt.

The one thing I have always expected
from you is honesty.

Grandma, honest.

I wasn't trying to trick you into
anything.

Oh, Philip, I want to believe that so
much.

I want desperately to believe that the
grandson I love so much is honest, And

decent. I expected you to understand.

You see, I'd like to have a meaningful
relationship with Sam. And I have a need

to express those feelings.

You know, like Mom and Andy are doing.

Walter,

could I see you in the kitchen?

Go to the kitchen!

Philip, you stay here.

Walter, it's obvious you're going to
have to speak to Philip. Why don't we

send the girl home? I have to get to the
club. It would kill me if Arthur

accepted the trophy for me. Walter,
Philip needs the guidance of a father

figure. Now, he worships you. He
respects you.

So it's obvious that you have to be the
one to explain to him the difference

between his mother going off for a
weekend with Andy and his having a girl

the night here. All right.

But what is the difference?

Walter, if I knew, would I send a dummy
like you in there?

wants to talk to you. Sure, Grandpa.

Uh, Philip, there are some things a boy
ought to know. Walter, don't call him a

boy. He's practically a man.

Philip, listen.

You're practically a man. Now, maybe you
shouldn't say that and get his hopes

up. Boy is better.

What? Why don't you tell him?

Walter, you're doing fine.

Okay.

Philip, ask him what he would think of
adults who would let a girl spend the

night at a boy's house.

Philip, what would you think of adults
who would let a girl spend the night at

boy's house?

I'd say they're really understanding,
enlightened, and liberated.

Walter, don't you think you've done
enough damage?

Philip, let me explain.

You see, at your age, having a girl
spend the night is totally

I mean, it is something that is both
psychologically unsuitable and socially

unacceptable. And on top of that,
Philip, it is morally wrong.

Why?

What? Why?

Why? Why is it wrong for Sam and me and
okay for Mom and Andy?

I'm going to hit him.

Sure. When in doubt, hit a kid.

I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean to lose
my temper.

Yeah, but I know what it means when you
say that. It means you don't have an

answer. I know you can't prove to me
that morals are for kids and that

around is for adults.

So I won't embarrass you any further.

I really want to hit him.

Maude, my father always told me that
often the raging river overflows in

the midst of the midnight storm.

But in the calm of the morning, the
banks dry out under the

kindness of the sun.

Now I want to hit you.

He sharpened knives for a living.

Listen to me, Philip.

I admit I don't have all the answers.

But I do know this.

Until you are old enough, you simply
have to play by our rules.

But, honey, at least give me credit for
one thing.

I've always been honest with you.

I'm afraid Sam is going to have to go
home.

Sam, you can come out of the den now.

Oh, Sam.

Sam, you know something? You remind me
so much of myself when I was your age.

So I imagine you were listening at the
door and I don't have to fill you in on

the conversation.

Oh, I didn't have to listen at the door.
Your voice carried right over the

television show I was watching.

What were you watching?

The World at War.

been a slight misunderstanding, dear.
I'm afraid you're going to have to go

home.

Oh, I wasn't really planning to stay
over, Mrs. Findlay.

You weren't?

Oh, no. My father would never let me
stay over at a boy's house. He's very

strict.

Boy, wait till he hears Grandma's
message about the bunk bed.

Mother! Walter, I thought you'd be at
the club by now. Hey, what are you doing

home? Oh, we got as far as Stanford. I
realized I forgot my allergy pills. Hi,

Sam. Hi, Mrs. Trainor.

Sam, it's... Is someone coming to pick
you up? A great station wagon pulled up

right behind us. Oh, that's my father.

Oh, boy, is he going to kill me?

Oh, now, don't be silly, Sam. Honey, it
was my error.

Yeah, but he's very uptight about stuff
like this. You watch, he'll go right

through the roof.

Sam, honey, why don't you go and meet
your dad at the curb and save him a long

walk?

That's probably your father now. Lord,
wait. Let's get our story straight.

Walter, don't be silly.

Okay, go ahead. You're the one who
invited her here. I'm in the clear.

Walter, it's just a harmless
misunderstanding.

And if Sam's father is as straight
-laced as she says, believe me, I can

care of him.

If there's anything I cannot stand, it's
a person with a holier -than -thou

attitude.

Holy Toledo.

Nothing personal.

Come in.

I demand to know what kind of a house
this is. Oh, well, it's a two -story

colonial house with four bedrooms and a
den.

We are the Findleys. I'm Philip's
grandmother.

This is his grandfather.

Step -grandfather.

I want to know exactly what's going on
around here.

When I got home just now, I found a very
disturbing message on my dial -a

-prayer machine.

Mort, why don't you fill him in? I'll go
get some refreshments. Walter.

I think we have waverly wafers out in
the kitchen.

You stay right where you are, Walter.
Remember, we have done nothing wrong in

the eyes of the Lord.

As you see, I speak your language.

Mrs. Findley, if you think you can joke
your way out of this, you haven't got a

snowball's chance in hell.

You see, I speak your language, too.

Reverend, I'm afraid there's just been a
harmless misunderstanding.

You see, when I invited your daughter to
spend the night, I just assumed that

she was a boy. You know, the name Sam.

Yes, but Philip knew she was a girl.

Now, what kind of a boy would pull a
trick like this?

Reverend, please, he's just a child.
Remember, you were once a child

Yes, I was.

But I never got away with diddly.

Oh, Carol, Carol, this is Sam's father,
the Reverend Harper.

Reverend, this is my daughter, Carol
Traynor. She's Philip's mother.

Hello. Hello.

Well, Sam, get your books together.
Let's go. Oh.

Reverend, I hope you're not taking this
seriously. I mean, I hope that you'll

allow Sam and Philip to study again
together tomorrow.

Mrs. Finley, I'm afraid I can't permit
that.

You see, I hardly think that Philip
would have tried to pull a trick like

if he didn't come from a... well, from a
permissive household where there were

so -called liberated views on the male
-female relationship.

What's going on here? Nothing I cannot
handle. Of course we have liberated

on the male -female relationship.

Philip, come here.

We want Philip to have a healthy
attitude.

There's nothing immoral about that.

I face this thing honestly with Philip
because I value honesty above everything

else. And I can assure you that Philip
gets the best possible moral example

all the adults in this home.

Carol, would you hurry up? If we don't
get there by nine, we lose the motel

room.

Motel? Who is this?

Oh, that's my mother.

That's Carol's Andy.

You see, she's going on a business trip,
and he is her business associate.

Yes, they are going to a motel, but you
see, they're taking up motel management.

Yes, they are spending the night in the
same room, but there's a very good

reason for that.

They're married!

Right!

Oh, well.

And judging from the looks on their
faces, I'd say very recent.

Congratulations.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Findlay. I was very
upset, but I didn't mean to impugn your

moral integrity.

I guess I got, as we say in the trade, a
little hot under the collar.

Reverend, often the raging river

overflows in the midst of the midnight
storm.

But in the calm of the day, the bank dry
out.

Under the kindness of the sun.

My, that's lovely.

Is it from the Bible?

Yes, it is.

You're a good woman, Mrs. Finley.

Well, come along, dear. We'd best be
going. You can come back tomorrow

and study with Philip again.

Okay. Bye, Philip.

Bye, Sam. See you tomorrow.

Funny, I don't remember that raging
river quote from the Bible.

Then I haven't been reading the Bible as
much as I should lately.

I'm so busy reading all of those books
by Watergate defendants who found

Good night.

Good night.

Could we go now, Carol, please?

Mother, you owe me an explanation. You
lied right in front of Philip.

Carol, I was only trying to protect our
family's good name.

Philip understands, don't you, darling?

Sure, Grandma.

Same old thing. I gotta be honest and
you don't.

Philip, wait. Philip, wait!

Goodbye, Mother.

Carol, let me explain. You're late. I'll
talk to you later.

Walter, nobody understands.

More forget it. Let's go to the club.

Walter, you understand, don't you? I
mean, you know that sometimes for the

of the greater good, it's necessary to
be dishonest. Are you kidding?

How do you think I became the most
improved golfer of the month?

Son of a gun.

Bod was recorded on videotape for a
studio audience.