All language subtitles for night_court_s09e15_poker_i_hardly_know_her

Excuse me, Christine. Would you call
this perfume floral or ambrosia?

Oh, I'd say it's more of musk with a
hint of baloney.

I spilled my sample case on the floor
and my nose is odor blind.

Sample case?

Uh -huh. I'm an in -home marketing rep
for Cantel Cosmetics.

So swell you can't tell you have them
on.

Their slogan was, why smell like hell
when you can smell like cantal?

Make room, make room. Come on, creative
juices are flowing.

Yeah, well, just please don't get any on
me.

Oh, you're really getting into
redecorating your chambers.

With a vengeance.

What's the city giving you for a budget?

Three big ones.

Oh, it could be tight.

I don't know, I think you could pull it
off for $3 ,000.

No, $300.

$300?

What could you possibly do for $300?

Well, you could buy some matches and
torch it for the insurance money.

Take a five -minute recess.

There you go, girls. Your invitation to
the can't -tell party I'm hosting this

Saturday.

Sorry, my urban backpacking group is
hosting a tri -state jamboree in the

Holland Tunnel.

Oh, darn.

How about you, Christine?

I can't. We're cramming for little
Charlie's preschool entrance

He's having a little trouble in
philosophy.

Pluto's Republic.

Oh, fool.

a sample of Cantel's new tear -proof
mascara.

It was tested on a double feature of The
Way We Were and Bambi, the final

chapter.

So, Dan, for the reupholstering of the
sofa, which do you think?

Gee, I don't know, Harry. You know, my
needs are different than yours. I need

something that's stain -resistant,
doesn't distress under friction,

And is impervious to spur holes.

You know, Harry, I'd be happy to give
you some ideas.

I know women have a way with these
things.

The bossy way.

Marlene's been decorating our new home,
and I don't get to stay on anything.

Yeah, once Wanda moved in, she made me
take down the moose antlers in my

kitchen.

Now I have no place to hang my stock.

It will be a showcase of Harry Stone's
taste and style.

Call the next case, Matt. Yes, sir.
People versus Kenan.

Chief, I'm sorry to disturb you, sir,
but you're going to have to call a

until I get this plumbing leak upstairs
under control.

It could seep right through the ceiling.

Where's it coming from?

Judge Metcalf's chambers. He's right in
the middle of a remodel.

What's he got, a refrigerator?

Yeah, but that's not the culprit.

It's either his new wet bar or his
private bathroom.

He put in a wet bar and a private
bathroom?

Hey, Judge Metcalf knows how to stretch
a buck.

Enough of that. Matt, call it now.

Yes, sir. People versus melt, sir.

That's a recess!

Gee, I sure hope it's not his bathroom.

you were slobbering on? Oh, yes.

Remarkable girl.

Spontaneous and talented and able to
leap tall bedposts in a single bound.

So what's with the blueprint?

This is a floor plan of the entire
courthouse. You see, for the past nine

Faye and I have been systematically
doing the nasty in every room and

It's nice to have gold in the workplace.

indicate we've scored.

Look, sir, your office has been circled
five times.

Maybe my redecorating should include
deadbolts.

Don't waste your time, Harry.

We have new ground to desecrate.

Well, that's the courtroom.

Oh, I get it. With the plumbing problem
upstairs, you're counting on the place

being empty for a night.

You've played this game before.

Arnie located that leak, and boy, was it
a doozy.

Oh, yeah, and the building super is
going to close the courtroom and cancel

sessions for tonight and tomorrow.

Bingo!

Let the games begin.

So, Art, where's the water coming from?

It turns out the jacuzzi jets on Judge
Metcalf's Roman tub were backing up.

Roman tub?

No big deal, Your Honor. It only seats
four.

Good thing to have a night to work on my
office.

I'm going to go down the stairs and see
if I can find love seats that match my

tie.

There he goes, the inferior decorator.

This is perfect.

Now we can have the cantile party
tomorrow night and you all can come.

Oh, I don't think so, Lisette.

We're running a special on our secret
weapon, the fountain of youth, Burma

And you know how young the Burmese look.

Count me in.

Well, you might as well invite Kwan Lee.

I still have a paycheck she hasn't spent
yet.

How about you, Roz? A woman can never
have too many beauty -enhancing

A motto I know I live by.

But I'm sorry, Lizette. I'm staying home
for a change.

Curling up in a blanket, enjoying the
moonlight, and testing my infrared field

glasses.

a part of the Cantel experience.

All right.

But nobody talks about work or you'll be
using those cosmetics to make you look

natural for your next of kin.

Roz, this place is incredible.

Did you do it yourself?

Yep. I consider it the perfect marriage
of 90s neoclassicism and 50s kitsch.

I'm impressed.

What were you expecting?

Rifle racks and an army cop?

Well, yeah.

Christine, that's the work, Roz. At
home, I have a softer side.

Hey, you don't want to pull a pin on
that.

Venison pate with dill. Oh.

Mmm. This is good.

Thanks. I grew the herbs and bagged the
buck myself.

Okay, everyone, I'm ready to start the
demonstration.

Please sit down.

Welcome to the wonderful world of Cantel
Cosmetics.

This is exciting.

You don't get out much, do you?

We at Cantel sincerely hope to become an
important part of your daily beauty

routine. If you want an order form, I
would be pleased to provide you with

Are you this efficient with all your
demonstrations?

I guess so. I'm still trying to find my
own sales style.

I think it's subliminal.

You know, I really hate to go home this
early.

I don't get very many nights out with
the girls.

Yeah, I've got a babysitter I hate to
waste.

Well, nobody leaves until my individual
briefs are out of the oven.

Well, okay.

How about some girl talk?

Rod,

have I told you how much I love this
place?

Yep.

Did you know that Mac and Bull are
helping Harry decorate his office

I knew he couldn't do it alone. I wonder
if they're talking about us.

Oh, don't worry. Whenever Mac talks
about the office, he always has nice

to say about everyone.

You know, Lisette, Mac says you do the
work of five stenographers.

Hold it.

I knew this was going to happen.

We're all sitting here jawboning about
work.

We all have full lives outside the
courthouse.

Can't we find something else to do?

I know. How about charades?

I'd rather play Russian roulette.

Diamond. Arrowheads and clovers?

Not arrowheads and clovers. Spades and
clubs.

Okay, here's a list that'll help you
remember the order of winning hands.

One pair being the lowest and royal
flush at the top.

Okay, got it.

Now, the house bank is this.

Blue chips are a nickel, red a dime,
white a quarter.

What?

Will you cash -max the payroll check?

With two forms ID?

Let's start with something simple.

Five card draw.

What does that mean?

That means I deal you five cards. You
can replace the ones you don't want with

new ones. Then we bet and play that
hand. Okay?

Okay.

Shouldn't we be smoking cigars or
something?

Yeah, and bragging about our latest
physical conquest.

Do please, Roz.

My boyfriend Oscar and I, we played
strip poker once.

And I won.

You mean you lost.

How many?

Two for me.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Hint,
hint.

Christine? Uh, two. No, three.

And I'll take two for myself.

Did everybody ante up?

Can't we ante down?

A dime is a little steep for me.

In or out?

Here, bloodsuckers.

I hope you enjoy taking the food out of
my child's mouth.

That's right.

Oh, this is fun. Talking, playing cards,
hanging out like best girlfriends.

Shut up and play.

I really don't like to lose.

Uh, Roz, I can't read your writing. I
don't want to get this right. Does that

say royal flash or royal flush?

What, I won?

Sure looks that way. Oh, beginner's
luck. Oh, I love this game.

I'm glad Cinderella's having a good
time.

Your deal.

Seven cards stood. Two down.

so better to open feed the kitty or
leave the city.

Gee, I guess I'm a quick learner.

Do you think we should do the trimming
already quite?

I'll just cover everything in steep foam
green. I don't care. Whatever you guys

think. Let's just get started, huh?

I took the liberty of doing a rendering
of the finished office.

What's that?

A batting cage, sir.

Of course, in here, you can only bunt.

Bull, bull. I think we should stay away
from traditional male influences and

lean toward postmodern asexual pieces.

I'll try not to take that personally.

What do you say we argue about the
furniture later, huh? I mean, I've only

tonight, and I'd like to get a little
paint on the wall. No, don't do it,

One color clash, and you'll regret it
the rest of your life.

Mac, I've got a paintbrush, and I'm not
afraid to use it.

Uh -oh.

We nailed that tan Cadillac.

Correction. Now it's a seafoam green
Cadillac.

And it belongs to Judge Metcalf.

Oh, great.

They're going jacuzzi privileges.

A little bubbly to celebrate our
courtroom conquest.

Jeez, doesn't anybody ever knock
anymore?

Sam? Dan?

Mark? Dan?

Hey, Dan, I'm a lot more than just a
maintenance man.

You're not kidding.

You courtroom coquette.

You have taken something sacred and
tarnished it with your wanton ways.

The courtroom was our special mission,
Faye. You were supposed to meet me here

in 15 minutes.

Well, I'll be down by then.

I've got a tent to cover and everything.

Is my face red or what?

Hey, you kids, you want the lights on or
off?

Leave them the way you found them,
buddy.

A boat.

Trip sixes and a pair of deuces. Read
them and weep.

I can't believe she won again.

I guess I'm better at this than I
thought.

Well, at least you're good at something.

You know, Max says you make the typing
errors of five stenographers.

Lee, calm down.

You don't have to get mad at us every
time you lose a hand.

Yeah, well, Max says you're mean and
you're too, too loud.

Lee, don't be such a poor sport.

I'm down, too, you know.

Yeah, but if you lose as many cases as
Max says you do, you must be used to it.

Five card draw, high -low split, one
-eyed jacks are wild, hold an ace to

four, and yep.

Come on, you guys. You've got to give me
a chance to win my money back.

You can't play if you can't pay.

I'll cover you.

Great.

Come on, babies.

Be good to Mama.

I quit.

Mac was right.

You're all a bunch of rags.

Lighten up, Conley. You're only out
eight bucks.

Christina's out 217.

Enough chatter, Lisette. Let's just
play.

Christine, be careful.

You already lost the money for the
sitter. How are you going to get little

Charlie out of hock?

My luck's going to change. I can feel
it.

It's probably Ross's crab cake backing
up on you.

I'm going to back up on you if you don't
shut up.

Yeah, Cornley, don't be such a sore
loser.

Me? All that blonde hair dye has... Hold
your brain.

You don't need help holding your cards.

Everybody get a grip.

Lisette.

I'll see ya.

Say the word with me.

Depends on the word.

What's going on? You've had incredible
hands and won almost every pot.

I'm not cheating, I swear.

Lisette.

for counting cards.

But tonight, I didn't have to. These
guys really stink.

Well, knock it off.

Roz, I'm holding four aces.

It's four aces or four friends.

You have to decide what's more
important.

Come on, Azek. It's your call.

Hey, well, that's luck took a turn for
the worse.

Yeah, too bad.

But with my lucky streak, I'm checking
out junkets to Vegas, bus charters to

Atlantic City, maybe even Monte Carlo.

Keep it up. You'll be living in the back
seat of a Monte Carlo.

Not when I'm on a roll.

Want a cup for high card?

It works.

It definitely works.

Yeah, come in.

So, what do you think?

It's not too overstated, is it?

It's not too anything.

What happened? Nothing's changed.

Au contraire.

According to Design Digest, the right
accessory piece can completely change

texture of a room.

So how do you like it?

It just pulls the room together.

That would make a great dice cup.

Snake eyes.

So that's all you could do with 300
bucks?

Well, actually, 290 of it went to
repaint Judge Metcalf's car.

But that's the nicest pencil cup $10 can
buy.

Okay, Your Honor, everything's set for
this weekend.

I can't wait to introduce you fellas to
Cantel's line of men's skin care

products. Hey, another makeup party?

Count me in.

Well, you can forget about me.

Kwan Lee told me all about it.

Yeah, she is rather chatty.

Especially about all the mistakes I
make.

Yeah, and about all the cases I lose.

And how I chew too loud.

Oh, excuse me, guys.

There's somebody I gotta kill.