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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,380 --> 00:00:05,380 Have a java, Jerry? 2 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:06,640 Please. 3 00:00:06,900 --> 00:00:08,060 Morning, how is everyone? 4 00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:09,440 Mr. D? 5 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:10,560 What the hell is that? 6 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:14,820 It's a breath pump. I have an appointment after school, so I'm just 7 00:00:14,820 --> 00:00:16,020 little snack for baby Logan. 8 00:00:16,340 --> 00:00:18,320 Aw. You're doing that in a staff room? 9 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:19,459 Why not? 10 00:00:19,460 --> 00:00:22,200 Yeah, Jerry, why not? I happen to think it's great that Xavier has a pump 11 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:23,200 -positive environment. 12 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:27,360 Disgusting. Can you do that somewhere else? What are you, lactate intolerant? 13 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:30,720 Look, this is a staff room, not a farm. 14 00:00:31,210 --> 00:00:33,790 With the milk being sucked out of the teeth by a machine. 15 00:00:34,090 --> 00:00:37,130 Jerry, maybe you're not aware of the health benefits. 16 00:00:37,410 --> 00:00:39,950 Breast milk is an excellent source of nutrition. 17 00:00:40,230 --> 00:00:44,150 Vitamin C, amino acids, magnesium, love. 18 00:00:44,730 --> 00:00:45,730 A little top up? 19 00:00:45,850 --> 00:00:49,890 No, no, don't do that. No, no, no, I'll throw up. A little squirt? No, don't do 20 00:00:49,890 --> 00:00:52,150 that. Oh, God, no. No, no, no, no, no. 21 00:00:52,730 --> 00:00:53,730 That's not allowed. 22 00:00:54,370 --> 00:00:55,470 Just one more little squirt. 23 00:00:56,750 --> 00:00:59,370 Thank you, my milkmaid. Oh, my God. 24 00:01:03,860 --> 00:01:05,160 What a baby. 25 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:08,160 Are you, um, ambi -breath -drift? Like, can you do both? 26 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:13,740 I'm awesome. No, you're not, dude. Don't lie. I'm awesome. I'm driving around in 27 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:17,020 my mom's ride. I'm awesome. A quarter of my life gone by. 28 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:20,560 I'm awesome. 29 00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:24,100 Heather, 30 00:01:25,740 --> 00:01:27,180 is that you? Jerry? 31 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:28,640 What are you doing here? 32 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:30,290 Wow, I teach at... Xavier. 33 00:01:31,190 --> 00:01:33,170 Wow, that's, wow. 34 00:01:33,830 --> 00:01:36,270 How long has it been since we were in a relationship? 35 00:01:36,470 --> 00:01:37,470 We're in love. 36 00:01:37,530 --> 00:01:39,510 Allie, this is Mommy's old friend, Mr. Duncan. 37 00:01:40,070 --> 00:01:41,970 Mr. Duncan, this is Allie. 38 00:01:42,810 --> 00:01:44,010 It's your first year at Xavier. 39 00:01:44,350 --> 00:01:45,350 I'm in grade five. 40 00:01:45,430 --> 00:01:47,130 Great, I didn't know you'd gotten married. 41 00:01:47,530 --> 00:01:52,310 To my daddy, he's a soldier fighting overseas, sacrificing. You look great. I 42 00:01:52,310 --> 00:01:53,310 will say that. 43 00:01:53,470 --> 00:01:54,610 We had some good times. 44 00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:58,310 I think two, two times. Was it two? One was bowling. 45 00:01:58,810 --> 00:01:59,810 Bowling. 46 00:02:00,479 --> 00:02:01,520 We don't want to be late. 47 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,060 Bowling. Remember what the bowling led to? 48 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:05,920 A strike. 49 00:02:06,180 --> 00:02:09,380 Well, I'm going to school too, so I'll have to follow you. 50 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:12,560 Robert, are you okay? 51 00:02:12,860 --> 00:02:16,640 Just trying to get into my chess club jacket because my high school reunion is 52 00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:19,940 coming up this weekend. Robert, no one expects you to fit into a jacket from 20 53 00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,220 pounds ago. 54 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:23,300 Your chess club had a jacket? 55 00:02:23,660 --> 00:02:26,260 Yeah. Well, we were more like a gang than a club, I guess. 56 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:27,680 Called herself the queen. 57 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,340 Look there, the thick gork. 58 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:30,920 Wow. Pretty tough. 59 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:33,220 It might be better that you don't fit into it. 60 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:37,620 Why? I need Vanessa Mugliano to see me in this jacket. 61 00:02:37,900 --> 00:02:39,080 Oh, the one that got away. 62 00:02:39,580 --> 00:02:42,200 Technically the one I never had. She turned me down when I asked her to the 63 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,200 Knights and Rooks dance. 64 00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:45,460 Oh, have you been carrying a torch for her all these years? 65 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:46,539 Hell no. 66 00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:50,660 I just want her to want me now so that I can shun her back and make it even. 67 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:52,360 How do I do that? 68 00:02:52,540 --> 00:02:54,380 What I find attractive is confidence. 69 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:59,500 Yeah. Well, if I had the old Callahan bod, I'd be more confident. So which 70 00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:02,880 first, the chicken or the ab, you know? You want to lose weight? You should come 71 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:04,260 with me to hot yoga after school. 72 00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:05,780 We'll do it the old -fashioned way. 73 00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:09,380 We'll sweat it off. I only have a few days of reunions this weekend. All the 74 00:03:09,380 --> 00:03:11,540 more reason to get started. I'll see you at 4 .15. 75 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:13,280 Okay. 76 00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:14,660 I'm in. 77 00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:15,800 Can you do me a favor? 78 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:17,500 Can you give me a hand with this jacket? 79 00:03:17,740 --> 00:03:19,260 Sure. Jacket on or jacket off? 80 00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:21,780 Sir. 81 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:24,860 Hey, guess who I ran into outside the school? 82 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:26,920 Couldn't they fit in a bread box? 83 00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:30,640 No, it's a person. They can't fit in a bread box. Tell that to Chandra Bahadur 84 00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:31,680 Dangi. Who? 85 00:03:32,060 --> 00:03:34,100 World's shortest man. 55 centimeters tall. 86 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:35,560 Definitely fit in a bread box. 87 00:03:35,940 --> 00:03:37,320 Probably fit a piece of bread in there, too. 88 00:03:37,580 --> 00:03:38,580 For a blanket. 89 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:41,140 Okay, Simon, you done? I ran into Heather. 90 00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:44,660 Heather's a girl I dated ten years ago. How tall is she? 91 00:03:44,980 --> 00:03:46,400 Would you stop thinking of the bread box? 92 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,060 Okay. What was she doing here? 93 00:03:48,330 --> 00:03:51,390 Listen to this. She's got a daughter at this school in grade five. You know how 94 00:03:51,390 --> 00:03:52,390 awkward that was? 95 00:03:53,170 --> 00:03:54,770 Wait a second. 96 00:03:55,190 --> 00:03:56,190 She is nine. 97 00:03:57,190 --> 00:03:58,530 We dated ten years ago. 98 00:03:59,010 --> 00:04:00,770 And the daughter had blonde hair, blue eyes. 99 00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:03,590 Oh, my God. 100 00:04:04,630 --> 00:04:08,230 Oh, my God. You don't think... No, I don't think she'd fit in that bread box. 101 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,910 No, not the bread box. She's more than twice Chandra's height. 102 00:04:11,850 --> 00:04:13,130 I'd have to see her, though. 103 00:04:22,570 --> 00:04:23,289 How are you? 104 00:04:23,290 --> 00:04:26,190 How would you like to support the arts for only five bucks? 105 00:04:26,410 --> 00:04:30,190 Wow, you have a new single out. I didn't know you'd put your band back together. 106 00:04:30,430 --> 00:04:32,010 I didn't. I'm a solo act. 107 00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:37,650 How many would you like? Well, I mean, obviously, I would love one, but 108 00:04:37,650 --> 00:04:42,950 unfortunately, the problem is I am not supposed to listen to music. 109 00:04:45,330 --> 00:04:46,450 Doctor's orders, though. 110 00:04:47,010 --> 00:04:48,550 Nickelback ruined my eardrums. 111 00:05:00,910 --> 00:05:01,709 Mm -hmm. 112 00:05:01,710 --> 00:05:02,970 Turn around. Turn around. 113 00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:04,670 Emma! 114 00:05:05,310 --> 00:05:08,510 How would you like to hear my new song, I'm an Original? 115 00:05:08,810 --> 00:05:10,570 Well, I don't have anything to play it on. 116 00:05:14,990 --> 00:05:15,990 Here we go. 117 00:05:16,670 --> 00:05:17,670 For you. 118 00:05:18,450 --> 00:05:20,610 And there you are. 119 00:05:21,750 --> 00:05:23,050 Thanks. Enjoy. 120 00:05:25,350 --> 00:05:28,430 I'm an original, one of a kind. 121 00:05:32,289 --> 00:05:35,410 You can't tell that I'm sweating, can you? Just breathe, Robert. 122 00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:36,890 My God, you are sweaty. 123 00:05:37,130 --> 00:05:38,690 I can't. I feel like I'm marinating in myself. 124 00:05:39,170 --> 00:05:40,930 All right, if everyone can move to the front of their mat. 125 00:05:44,350 --> 00:05:45,850 We're going to start with a sun salutation. 126 00:05:51,470 --> 00:05:53,190 And step down into downward dog. 127 00:05:57,419 --> 00:06:02,720 remembering to breathe, giving thanks and being grateful for all that we have 128 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:03,720 life. 129 00:06:09,260 --> 00:06:10,380 I'm so deeply sorry. 130 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:13,040 Now I'm safe. 131 00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:14,580 And now into up dog. 132 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:20,840 I'm just going to step in and go to warrior pose. 133 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,220 All right, we're moving on. 134 00:06:27,070 --> 00:06:29,630 Robert, why don't you just pass the jacket? Take it out. I know a tailor. 135 00:06:29,950 --> 00:06:30,950 It's good call. 136 00:06:33,910 --> 00:06:35,350 Yeah, I can see it. 137 00:06:35,590 --> 00:06:37,530 Same complexion, same eyes. 138 00:06:37,830 --> 00:06:39,550 Same athletic ability. Look at her. 139 00:06:40,050 --> 00:06:41,410 You know what her mother told her? 140 00:06:41,650 --> 00:06:45,630 Her father is overseas fighting in the war. That's why he's not around. 141 00:06:45,910 --> 00:06:47,530 Ugh. Classic lie. 142 00:06:47,730 --> 00:06:48,850 Oh, God. Poor kid. 143 00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:52,800 I don't know if I'm ready to be a father, Simon. Tell that to the hundreds 144 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:57,540 kids that you teach and raise every day at school, Jerry. You discipline them. 145 00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:01,000 You watch movies with them. You come back every September, whether you want 146 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:01,559 or not. 147 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,120 And I know you don't always want to. 148 00:07:04,180 --> 00:07:06,280 I'm already a dad. You're already a dad. 149 00:07:06,780 --> 00:07:08,740 So much time to make up for. 150 00:07:09,300 --> 00:07:10,800 Hey, there's her mom. One sec. 151 00:07:12,580 --> 00:07:13,580 Hey, Heather. 152 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,100 Hey. 153 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:18,180 Twice in one day. Well, I think it's time we had that talk. 154 00:07:18,590 --> 00:07:19,590 What talk? 155 00:07:19,770 --> 00:07:23,170 Look, I think you're doing a great job with Allie, but don't you think it's 156 00:07:23,170 --> 00:07:25,590 she had a father figure in her life? She has a great father. 157 00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:27,310 Well, thank you. I know that was hard to say. 158 00:07:28,250 --> 00:07:29,890 I'm not sure I get what you're saying. 159 00:07:31,790 --> 00:07:35,050 Look, I just think it's time the three of us sat down and discussed what 160 00:07:35,050 --> 00:07:36,710 happened to us ten years ago. 161 00:07:37,010 --> 00:07:39,290 Nothing happened between you and I ten years ago. 162 00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:42,610 Hi, Allie. What do you want to do for dinner tonight? 163 00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:45,430 I was thinking drive -thru. 164 00:07:49,290 --> 00:07:52,590 It's okay by me. Check with your mother. She was checking with me. Then we're 165 00:07:52,590 --> 00:07:53,589 both fine with it. 166 00:07:53,590 --> 00:07:54,590 Sure, Holly. 167 00:07:55,030 --> 00:07:56,030 Do the right thing, Heather. 168 00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:57,350 Talk to her. 169 00:07:58,270 --> 00:07:59,570 Sure, Jerry. Whatever you say. 170 00:08:00,210 --> 00:08:01,210 Bye, sir. 171 00:08:01,530 --> 00:08:02,990 Won't be, sir, for much longer. 172 00:08:03,690 --> 00:08:04,690 Oh, 173 00:08:08,830 --> 00:08:11,770 a box of porn for me? But I didn't get you anything. 174 00:08:12,210 --> 00:08:15,270 No, you get this filth and any other stuff like this, she got stashed in the 175 00:08:15,270 --> 00:08:16,270 house. Out of here. 176 00:08:16,510 --> 00:08:18,390 Because my daughter's going to be here every other weekend. 177 00:08:18,610 --> 00:08:19,610 You still on this daughter thing? 178 00:08:19,650 --> 00:08:22,410 You see, I know you don't understand this, Bill, because you're not a father 179 00:08:22,410 --> 00:08:24,150 like me. You've been a dad for like ten minutes. 180 00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:26,170 Don't tell me you made custody arrangements already. 181 00:08:26,410 --> 00:08:27,610 It's not official, but it's happening. 182 00:08:28,490 --> 00:08:31,670 You know, this could actually be good for you. How? Because if you want to 183 00:08:31,670 --> 00:08:33,610 a chick, a daughter's the way to go. Excuse me? 184 00:08:34,169 --> 00:08:37,510 Well, having a daughter is the way to go. Then, like, women love single dads 185 00:08:37,510 --> 00:08:38,510 because they think you're responsible. 186 00:08:38,710 --> 00:08:40,130 Clearly, you are not. 187 00:08:40,470 --> 00:08:42,309 How does everything come back to dating for you? 188 00:08:42,510 --> 00:08:44,490 You're talking about me being someone's father. 189 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:46,560 I've created the future, Bill. 190 00:08:46,780 --> 00:08:48,580 Does your future include beer? Because mine does. 191 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:52,080 Yeah, another thing. The new house rules I put a lock on the fridge at all 192 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:53,080 times. Why? 193 00:08:53,380 --> 00:08:55,840 Because there's alcohol in there and I don't need my 10 -year -old running 194 00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:57,820 around getting wasted with her friends. This is bullshit. 195 00:08:58,380 --> 00:09:00,520 And no swearing in the house. Another rule. 196 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,180 This kid is ruining my life. 197 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:05,580 Well, apparently that's what kids do to parents. 198 00:09:06,140 --> 00:09:08,340 They ruin your life. So welcome to my world. 199 00:09:14,990 --> 00:09:15,989 How is hot yoga? 200 00:09:15,990 --> 00:09:19,050 More like hot noga. But it doesn't even matter because I have a new plan. 201 00:09:19,990 --> 00:09:21,270 That looks really bad. 202 00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:23,810 What is it? It's a recipe I found on the internet. 203 00:09:24,250 --> 00:09:28,630 It's water, cayenne pepper, maple syrup, and tons of wheatgrass. 204 00:09:29,030 --> 00:09:30,030 Oh, a juice cleanse. 205 00:09:30,690 --> 00:09:35,170 Yeah. Yeah. They can be a little intense, though, so just go easy on it. 206 00:09:39,090 --> 00:09:41,710 Liquid vitality. 207 00:09:47,190 --> 00:09:49,250 Hi. Did you talk to your mother last night? 208 00:09:49,490 --> 00:09:51,270 Yeah. Anything you want to ask me? 209 00:09:51,730 --> 00:09:54,630 No. Look, I know this is a lot to take in right now. 210 00:09:54,830 --> 00:09:56,850 I'll follow your lead. I'll work with you. 211 00:09:57,550 --> 00:09:58,550 And I got you this. 212 00:09:59,710 --> 00:10:02,450 I slept with it under my pillow last night, so it's all worked in. 213 00:10:03,250 --> 00:10:04,250 Thanks. 214 00:10:07,270 --> 00:10:10,610 You should fit your hand perfectly, too, because it's the same size. 215 00:10:10,830 --> 00:10:11,830 Okay? 216 00:10:13,570 --> 00:10:15,590 Emma's a regional one. 217 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:17,560 Yeah. 218 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:24,980 What the hell is this? 219 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,440 It's Emma's Original. 220 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:28,939 Right, guys? 221 00:10:28,940 --> 00:10:30,540 Emma's. No, I don't think that's right. 222 00:10:30,740 --> 00:10:33,180 Okay, well, whatever it is, it's great. Okay, Trudy? 223 00:10:33,420 --> 00:10:34,900 Thought you couldn't listen to music. 224 00:10:35,140 --> 00:10:38,800 Yeah. You know what? The sound waves are affecting me. Thank you. Uh -huh. 225 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:43,520 Hey, I told you to listen to my song, not steal it. 226 00:10:44,220 --> 00:10:45,220 Sherry? 227 00:11:05,050 --> 00:11:08,750 You just made a powerful enemy, bookworm. 228 00:11:09,810 --> 00:11:10,810 Hey, Robert. 229 00:11:10,890 --> 00:11:12,390 What are you doing sitting in the dark? 230 00:11:12,790 --> 00:11:13,810 Turn it off. 231 00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:17,380 Turn it off. Turn it off. 232 00:11:17,940 --> 00:11:20,860 I just have a bit of a headache from this juice cleanse. 233 00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:22,220 Oh, are you okay? 234 00:11:22,740 --> 00:11:29,700 I was just wondering if maybe we could... Just write 235 00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:30,700 it down. Okay. 236 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,320 I'll just email you. 237 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:40,720 Okay. 238 00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:44,560 Okay. 239 00:11:45,489 --> 00:11:46,690 Where do you want me to put shelves? 240 00:11:49,070 --> 00:11:52,090 Sorry to bother you, Ms. Mason. Can I speak to Allie for a second, please? 241 00:11:52,090 --> 00:11:53,390 in the middle of class. Can it wait? 242 00:11:53,670 --> 00:11:55,170 No, it can't wait. It's very important, okay? 243 00:11:56,350 --> 00:11:57,350 Okay, go ahead. 244 00:11:58,730 --> 00:11:59,589 All right. 245 00:11:59,590 --> 00:12:01,610 Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. 246 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:07,270 Allie, why didn't the baseball glove mean something to you? 247 00:12:07,710 --> 00:12:09,030 That was supposed to be our moment. 248 00:12:09,370 --> 00:12:12,690 Has your mother not spoken to you yet? Yeah, I talk to her every day. 249 00:12:12,930 --> 00:12:14,570 Okay, but about her and I? 250 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:19,300 Years ago, and how serious we... All right, here's my first parenting moment. 251 00:12:20,780 --> 00:12:21,780 Hey, remember this? 252 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:23,680 Remember this? The ballpark? Remember? 253 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:28,340 Yes, you do, because you did it, and I... You don't even know you do it, like 254 00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:29,340 me. I don't know I do it. 255 00:12:29,620 --> 00:12:32,540 You have blonde hair, beautiful eyes. I have blonde hair, beautiful eyes. 256 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:33,840 Right? You see? 257 00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:36,260 You're not getting this. You're not getting this. 258 00:12:55,980 --> 00:12:58,620 My dad's a soldier. He's stationed in Darfur. 259 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,980 There's no such thing as a Darfur. 260 00:13:01,540 --> 00:13:02,540 Hey. 261 00:13:03,180 --> 00:13:04,180 Hey, you. 262 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,800 Do you want to go to the zoo with me tomorrow after school? 263 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:11,500 Do you want to do that? 264 00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:13,460 I can't. I'm busy. 265 00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:15,220 It's my birthday. 266 00:13:15,460 --> 00:13:16,319 I should know. 267 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:17,320 I should know. 268 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:22,460 Can I go back to class? Yeah. Hey, you take your time. When you're ready, when 269 00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:25,280 you're ready, you let me know. You give me a signal. 270 00:13:32,330 --> 00:13:34,990 Is that a sign, Allie? 271 00:13:36,070 --> 00:13:37,070 Allie. 272 00:13:41,890 --> 00:13:42,890 Allie. 273 00:13:45,070 --> 00:13:47,370 Robert, you need to eat something. This isn't healthy. 274 00:13:47,590 --> 00:13:48,590 You want a sandwich? 275 00:13:48,830 --> 00:13:49,890 Sure, whatever. 276 00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:51,930 Hey, you fit in your chest jacket. 277 00:13:52,450 --> 00:13:53,289 That's great. 278 00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:56,150 I don't know why it's such a big deal, Lisa, because I'm not even going to my 279 00:13:56,150 --> 00:13:57,150 stupid reunion. 280 00:13:57,530 --> 00:13:59,670 What? Robert, you have to go. 281 00:13:59,890 --> 00:14:03,580 You've got to go and press... Vanessa Mugliano. 282 00:14:04,340 --> 00:14:06,520 Oh, wow. 283 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:10,180 You look, you look cleansed. 284 00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:15,240 It's just the toxins evicting themselves from the shoddy tenement that is my 285 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,160 face. Oh, it's what's on the inside that counts, right? 286 00:14:18,420 --> 00:14:21,800 Yeah, this used to be on the inside. Does that count? 287 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:26,280 I can try to help. I got makeup. 288 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:27,560 Really? 289 00:14:28,180 --> 00:14:29,180 Yeah. 290 00:14:31,150 --> 00:14:32,670 That's her, my little birthday girl. 291 00:14:32,910 --> 00:14:33,910 How old is she turning? 292 00:14:34,670 --> 00:14:36,770 Nine, ten, eleven, something in there. 293 00:14:37,650 --> 00:14:43,090 Now she loves softball. So when she sees I brought a national team member, she's 294 00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:45,330 going to love me even more. It's quite the birthday gift. 295 00:14:46,290 --> 00:14:47,290 Here we go. 296 00:14:52,290 --> 00:14:53,290 Allie. 297 00:15:08,460 --> 00:15:11,500 I'm Dana Plaxton, and we're live for heartwarming homecomings week. 298 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:12,819 Isn't this wonderful? 299 00:15:12,820 --> 00:15:16,060 What's going on? He wanted to surprise her. He just flew in from Darfur. 300 00:15:16,340 --> 00:15:17,340 Oh, that's ridiculous. 301 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:19,040 Duncan, what are you doing? 302 00:15:19,900 --> 00:15:22,480 Excuse me. Can I ask you to just sort of stand away there? 303 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:24,400 What do you mean? 304 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:30,160 Jerry! Get away from my daughter. Who the hell are you? Stand down, soldier. 305 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,200 He's some guy that I dated years ago. 306 00:15:32,460 --> 00:15:34,080 He told me that he was my dad. 307 00:15:34,380 --> 00:15:35,960 You said what to my little girl? 308 00:15:36,190 --> 00:15:39,110 We're not sure it's your little girl, Captain Highliner, because we've got 309 00:15:39,110 --> 00:15:40,790 new developments since you've been gone fishing. 310 00:15:41,170 --> 00:15:44,210 Are you getting this? We haven't found out anything new, Jerry. 311 00:15:44,430 --> 00:15:45,430 Just get out of here. 312 00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:46,650 Give me a second here, Allie. 313 00:15:47,850 --> 00:15:49,690 I am so... All right, have some competition. 314 00:15:50,330 --> 00:15:51,330 I'm going to give you your glove. 315 00:15:51,490 --> 00:15:54,450 No. Let me give her your glove. Why it's a glove? No. 316 00:15:55,430 --> 00:15:56,430 Why do I have you here? 317 00:15:56,530 --> 00:15:57,530 I have no idea. 318 00:16:02,010 --> 00:16:05,810 All right, everybody calm down. Duncan, explain yourself. 319 00:16:06,190 --> 00:16:08,710 All right, fine. First of all, thank you for your service over in Dubai. 320 00:16:09,090 --> 00:16:10,830 Darfur. Same thing. 321 00:16:11,310 --> 00:16:16,130 I know this is a shock to you to come here and realize that I am Ali's father. 322 00:16:16,390 --> 00:16:20,810 I get that. I'm sorry you found out this way. I'm sorry you weren't told. 323 00:16:21,390 --> 00:16:25,930 But I still appreciate what you do for our country. I appreciate you protecting 324 00:16:25,930 --> 00:16:28,390 me and my daughter. What is he talking about? 325 00:16:28,870 --> 00:16:30,370 Ignore him. He's an idiot. 326 00:16:31,110 --> 00:16:32,250 Oh, my God. 327 00:16:33,020 --> 00:16:34,600 Allie is not your daughter. 328 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:36,520 There's no chance of that. None. 329 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,060 When are you going to stop lying, Heather? 330 00:16:38,620 --> 00:16:41,640 When are you going to admit it and face up to it? Because I remember that night. 331 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:45,340 I remember the bullying because I went home. I wrote down the date, and I 332 00:16:45,340 --> 00:16:48,140 figured out everything. And I said, I wonder if I'm going to have a child with 333 00:16:48,140 --> 00:16:51,360 this woman. And I counted the days, and you were ovulating. You were ovulating 334 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:53,700 because I remember you said the word, and that's the first time I heard the 335 00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:57,000 word. And I knew it, and I knew this could happen. And then you just 336 00:16:57,000 --> 00:17:00,240 forever, and you never told me. I know that's our daughter. I know it is. 337 00:17:03,970 --> 00:17:05,510 Jerry, we went out twice. 338 00:17:06,069 --> 00:17:07,950 And also, I used protection. 339 00:17:08,329 --> 00:17:09,390 I used three lines. 340 00:17:09,970 --> 00:17:10,970 What are three kinds? 341 00:17:11,349 --> 00:17:12,349 Well, it's gone. 342 00:17:12,390 --> 00:17:13,990 Right? Pillow and sponge. 343 00:17:14,230 --> 00:17:15,069 And the sponge. 344 00:17:15,069 --> 00:17:18,990 You also had to use the sponge. Because it would have been so bad if I got you 345 00:17:18,990 --> 00:17:23,069 pregnant. We're back for a very special and very confusing heartwarming 346 00:17:23,069 --> 00:17:28,670 homecoming. So, to be clear here, you are Allie's mother, and this is 347 00:17:28,670 --> 00:17:30,010 Nothing. Allie's nothing. 348 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:32,130 I see. And now, who are you? 349 00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:36,560 Oh, I'm Jenna Kyra. I'm a pitcher for the Canadian National Softball Team. 350 00:17:36,780 --> 00:17:39,460 Fantastic. And a waste of money, because she did nothing. 351 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,100 Okay. 352 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:48,880 Just a reminder, student council meeting at lunch one day. 353 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:50,560 So you're coming? 354 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:55,780 Rumors are abounding about beautiful music erupting from your mouth. I could 355 00:17:55,780 --> 00:17:57,220 give you a private concert right now. 356 00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:58,440 Please. 357 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:00,240 Reward my ears with velveteen. 358 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:05,560 I'm an original one of a kind. 359 00:18:05,940 --> 00:18:09,500 I'm as original as you're gonna find. 360 00:18:10,020 --> 00:18:13,380 I dance to the beat of my own drum. 361 00:18:13,740 --> 00:18:17,200 I'm as original as they come. 362 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:21,420 I dance to the beat of my own drum. 363 00:18:21,820 --> 00:18:25,200 I'm as original as they come. 364 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:28,480 I'm as original as you're gonna find. 365 00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,240 I knew this day would arrive. 366 00:18:35,940 --> 00:18:38,040 The music, she has died. 367 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:47,760 Vanessa Mugliano. 368 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,000 Oh, my God, you look great. 369 00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:51,720 Oh, you cut your hair. 370 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,460 It's so good to see you, Rhonda. 371 00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:58,300 Rhonda? 372 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:04,760 What are you doing? 373 00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:06,160 Nothing. 374 00:19:06,780 --> 00:19:08,480 Is that the heartwarming homecomings again? 375 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,320 Yes. Dude, you gotta stop torturing yourself. 376 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,480 Think about the money you saved. No orthodontist, no university. 377 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:16,920 Her teeth were straight. 378 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:18,200 She wasn't that bright. 379 00:19:18,420 --> 00:19:19,460 It wasn't gonna cost me anything. 380 00:19:19,660 --> 00:19:20,439 Come on, man. 381 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:21,940 I gotta go out. Come with me. We'll meet some girls. 382 00:19:22,140 --> 00:19:25,480 I'm not in the mood to meet girls. I just lost my daughter. They would love 383 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:26,479 that. 384 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:29,500 You're just saying that to cheer me up. Come on, man. Maybe you gotta go 385 00:19:29,500 --> 00:19:30,500 pregnant tonight. 386 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:32,900 I guess life goes on, right? 387 00:19:34,860 --> 00:19:38,040 Let's go. Yeah. Hey, tell me how a sponge works so I know. 388 00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:42,160 Come on, Simon. Hurry up. 389 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:43,800 Come 390 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:51,240 on. 391 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,860 Good job, Jerry. I like that. Come on. I like that. 392 00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:57,000 Give him something he can work with. Don't encourage him. He's awful. 393 00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:58,360 You think it's that easy? 394 00:19:58,660 --> 00:20:00,040 To him? Yes, I do. 395 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:04,160 Okay. Well, how about I pitch to you and you step in the box and... 396 00:20:04,650 --> 00:20:05,569 It's that easy. 397 00:20:05,570 --> 00:20:06,890 Okay. Girl pitcher. 398 00:20:07,110 --> 00:20:08,110 Girl pitcher. 399 00:20:08,350 --> 00:20:10,170 Girl throwing. Girl throwing. 400 00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:11,470 It's coming. 401 00:20:11,730 --> 00:20:13,990 Good luck out there. 402 00:20:14,190 --> 00:20:15,190 Good hustle, Simon. 403 00:20:15,650 --> 00:20:17,970 Stay right at second base. As far as you can. 404 00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:21,710 Simon. Further, Simon. 405 00:20:21,910 --> 00:20:22,910 Take it back. 406 00:20:51,470 --> 00:20:52,470 so I can hit it. 407 00:20:54,270 --> 00:20:57,490 What the hell was that? 31383

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