All language subtitles for maude_s02e20_florida_s_goodbye

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world
looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her.
She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first proper to answer
that she showed up.

Oh, yeah.

And the country was falling apart.

Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And then there's Maud.

And then there's Maud. And then there's
Maud. And then there's Maud. And then

there's Maud. And then there's Maud.
That'll compromise and enterprise and

anything but tranquilize. I told you
once, I

told you 50 times.

You change your oil, you put antifreeze
in your radiator, and you check your

battery. And if I told you once, I've
told you 50 times, you should have

Andy Granatelli.

The coldest day of the year and your car
won't start.

How can you be so careless not checking
your battery?

Battery was fine yesterday.

And so was the weather.

How can a battery die overnight?

Why not? People do.

Of course, but people do not come with
36 -month warranties from Sears.

Uh, look, Nanook.

Would you mind removing your Siberian
toe slippers?

And don't worry about the car. I'll call
Eddie's garage.

Ward, where are my reading glasses?

Well, they always are, sweetheart.

Lost.

Come on, Ward. You know, I always keep
my reading glasses in the desk drawer.

Now, what happened to them?

I bet you Florida moved them. You know
she's been behaving very strangely

lately. I think it's change of life.

You think everything's change of life?

Has to be something.

You know, the other day when she did the
laundry, she put starch in my bra.

You've got to be kidding. No, yesterday
I walked around all day pointing at the

ceiling.

Something is definitely happening with
Florida. Something in her mind.

Well, now that you mention it, The other
morning, she spilled hot coffee down on

my leg. Boy, did it hurt.

Did you ever wear a starched bra?

Maude, my glasses! How am I going to
read the morning paper? Forget about it.

would only depress you. I mean, the way
things are going today, I wouldn't put a

newspaper in the bottom of a birdcage.

Oh, Carol.

Boy, do I have bad news for you.

Oh? Maude's car is conked out in the
driveway, and I don't think you'll be

to get to work today.

Okay. Now, what's the bad news?

I thought you liked your job. Last
Sunday, you told me you loved your work.

do, on Sundays.

Why, you're going to tell them today.

All right, Henry, all right. I know you,
woman.

Every day for the last week, you've been
saying, oh, I'll tell them, Henry.

On Monday, you said, oh, Henry, I'll
tell them tomorrow.

On Tuesday, you said, oh, Henry, I'll
tell them later in the week. On

you said, oh, Henry, I forgot.

You all know my husband, old Henry.

Hi, Henry, what's going on?

Florida's got some news.

Go on, tell them.

Tell us what?

Nothing. Go on, break it to them.

This ain't your everyday easy news to
break.

Florida, are you going to tell them or
am I going to tell them? Cool it, Henry.

Now, don't go humbugging me, woman.

Buzz off, Henry.

Don't you know when you work for
somebody a long time, you get to love

when you love somebody, you just don't
up and say you're quitting.

You're quitting? Really? Florida, is
something wrong? Did something happen?

Well, I'll tell you what happened.

Last week, Henry got promoted down at
the firehouse with a real nice raise.

So we figured out after all these years,
I won't have to work anymore.

I can stay home with my husband, my
children, and my house.

Like I always said, Henry may not be the
handsomest man in the world, but he is

a good provider.

You know something, Florida, since
you've been working for Maude, your lip

grown a full three inches.

to miss you, Florida.

No more than I'm going to miss you,
honey.

Oh, that's terrific, Florida.
Congratulations, Henry.

Thank you, Walter.

Now, see, Florida, it wasn't so bad to
tell them, was it?

Wait a minute, Henry.

This is only the tail end of the baton
order.

I still got to face the slugger.

She'll be no problem. She'll be thrilled
for you.

That's easy for you to say. You're only
the husband and the daughter.

You ain't close to her like I am.

Well, what's she gonna do? Kill you?

Henry, when I tell that woman I'm
leaving, I could just hear her in that

Crawford voice.

Oh, Florida, darling.

We love you so much, you're like family.

shove a martini into my hand, and while
she's pouring and I'm drinking, before I

know it, she'll sweet -talk me into re
-enlisting.

You know what your trouble is, Florida?

You're afraid to tell her. You chicken.

I'd rather be a live chicken than a dead
duck.

Why don't you leave that drive to Red
Fox?

I'll see you later here. Okay, love.
Bye, Henry. Bye now. Bye, Henry. Take it

easy, Walter.

Well, I might as well face it.

Big bad boy, big bad boy, big bad boy.

Who's afraid of the big?

I'm coming, I'm coming.

Finley residence.

Oh, hello, Mother.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Yes, Mother. Look, Mother, I
have my work to do. Could you call back

little later?

I know, Mother, but... Yes. Yes, Mother.

That's tough, Mother.

Who is that, Florida?

Your mother.

Oh. Now look, Florida.

What were Mr.

Findley's reading glasses doing in with
my nylon panties?

I don't know.

Maybe he was trying to read the washing
instructions.

Look, Mrs. Spinner. Florida, you better
get a grip on yourself.

One little mistake. Now, look, Florida,
if you can't take a little constructive

criticism, maybe... Listen, have you
tried hormones?

There you go again, blaming everything
on change of life.

If Philip skinned his knee, you would
holler menopause.

Now, look, not having menopause is a
very flimsy excuse.

Now, you have a job to do, Florida, and
I expect a day's work for a day's pay.

And I give you a day's work. Yes, but it
takes you a week to do it.

Stop beating around the bush. Why don't
you come out and say it?

Ask me to leave. Kick me out. Fire me.
Isn't that what you're trying to say?

Don't tell me what I'm trying to say,
Florida. Well, you won't have to put up

with me much longer, because I'm
quitting.

Well, here we go again.

All right.

You've had your little laugh.

I'm sorry I yelled at you. I apologize.

That is not why I'm leaving. Of course
that's it.

Don't tell me what's it. I know what's
it. What it is, I'm leaving.

Florida, how can you do this to me? Why
won't you accept my apology? If you just

listen. Florida, don't you realize how
close we've been? Will you let me say

something, please? I mean, I don't even
think of you as an employee or even a

friend. Florida, don't you know what you
are?

You're my sister.

Oh, brother.

Now, Florida, it has to be something
I've said or something I've done or you

wouldn't be spouting this nonsense.

It is not nonsense.

Did it ever occur to you that I may be
quitting because of me and not you?

That I might have a family of my own, a
house of my own, and a life of my own?

I may belong to you from nine to five,
but the rest of the time I belong to me.

And from now on, me is going to be full
time.

I could raise my children and look after
my husband.

Oh, you really must hate me.

Hate you? Oh, pulling that soap opera
stuff on me, playing on my sympathy.

Really, Florida, I never thought you'd
stoop this low. For the last time, it

nothing to do with you. You know, the
trouble with you is, when your mouth is

open, it closes your ears.

As soon as the weather clears.

That could be next spring.

That's soon enough for me.

Mother, did Florida tell you?

Tell me what?

Well, that Henry got a promotion and
she's retiring.

You mean... You mean you really are
quitting?

Mm -hmm.

I mean, didn't you think that you could
come right out and tell me without

giving me...

You mean all this nonsense about change
of life and everything?

Then you really are quitting.

That's the general idea.

Oh, Florida.

Well, I'm happy. I'm really happy for
you, Florida.

Oh, you're going to have so much fun
taking care of your own house and your

family, living your own life, having...
Sit down. I'll make you a martini. Oh,

no.

Just think, Florida, maybe you'll have
your own housekeeper.

No, thanks.

I don't want nobody putting starch in my
bra.

Maude, you're not too upset, are you?

You're not going to cry, are you,
Mother?

Me cry?

Why would I cry?

Carol, come on. I'm a grown -up, mature,
sensible woman.

We'll find someone else.

I mean, even though Florida says she's
leaving in a week, I'm sure she'll stay

on longer. You know, till we get an
adequate replacement.

Maude, it took you six months to find
Florida.

I know, dear.

Now, let's see. Does Florida take one or
two olives in her martini?

Oh, hi, Carol. Where you been?

Oh, shopping.

You want to see something cute?

Look.

Oh, it's out of sight.

Aren't they going to be a little too
tight around the heart?

Not at all.

Boy, you're going to get whistled at.

I don't see why. They're for Philip.

Not too bad.

You just brought tears to the eyes of 50
,000 truck drivers.

Where's Mother?

Where she's been all week. inside
interviewing another applicant to

Florida? Another one? How many does that
make?

Well, I think she just broke McDonald's
hamburger record.

We don't have this much trouble picking
a president.

Naturally. We're more particular when we
pick a maid.

And this is my kitchen.

This is my sink. This is my
refrigerator. And this is my...

This is my daughter. This is my husband.

If you'll follow me, I'll show you the
rest of the house.

I don't believe it. I didn't even get a
chance to see the woman's face.

What's the difference? You'll never see
it again.

I can tell she's another reject.

If you ask me, Mother is rejecting
everyone because subconsciously she

bear the thought of replacing Florida.

Maybe it would help if she thought of
Florida as a husband.

She's never had any trouble replacing
them.

She's more particular when she picks a
maid.

What are you doing?

My last tango in Tuckahoe.

This is my V -day.

At five o 'clock, it will be V for
Vamoose.

Oh, do I envy you. What are you going to
do tomorrow now that you're retiring?

Well, first thing when I wake up in the
morning, I'm going to loll around in

bed, take my own sweet time, and not get
up until 5 a .m.

I'm going to fix Henry's breakfast and
get the children dressed and off to

school, make the bed, scrub the floors,
do the laundry, and then clean the

house. No offense, folks.

My house.

We're not going to have anybody to
replace you.

I wonder what you'll find wrong with
this one.

I'll bet a dollar on left -handed.

I'll go with too tall.

Didn't she use too tall on that Swedish
midget yesterday?

Yeah, yeah. I'll change my bet to flat
feet.

Okay. And I'll take shifty eyes.

Maybe with a zero hour so close, she'll
lower her standards and hire this one.

Are you kidding?

Why don't you check it out, Florida?

Good idea. I'll pretend I'm dusting.

So as you can see, it's really an
enormous house and requires a great deal

very hard work.

Oh, I'm accustomed to big houses. I used
to work on an estate.

Oh.

Well, in that case, I'm sure you'll feel
cramped in such a cracker.

I'm sure with my experience I could
adjust. Did the agency mention that I

eight years for the Ford family?

Oh, what a shame.

Now, the Finleys are nothing like the
Fords. We come in, throw off our hats

coats, kick off our shoes. We're more
like the Toyotas.

I

guess

the Fords weren't a fun family.

Well, anyway, we couldn't...

Possibly pay the salary that you must be
accustomed to getting.

Oh, well, frankly, Mrs. Finley, the
money is secondary.

My primary interest is being near the
city. I go to Columbia two nights a

I'm getting my degree in English
Literature.

Oh, well, we're not the least bit
literary. As a matter of fact, we just

our library into a powder room.

Oh, well, Mrs. Florida, my present
housekeeper.

who ever since I started interviewing
applicants has made dusting this room

life's work.

Godfrey Cambridge will get you for that.

Well, Mr. Finley, this is countdown.

Five, four, three,

two, one.

Going, going, gone.

with that one? Everything. One minute
the house was too big, the next minute

was too small.

She didn't have a brain in her head.

You know, she's so stupid she has to go
to night school.

And besides, didn't you notice? Notice
what?

Her shifty eyes.

to you that you keep turning everyone
down because psychologically, deep down

your subconscious, you don't want
Florida to leave?

Oh, Walter, that's absurd.

Maud, I know Florida's a very special
person, but there are a lot of people

could do her job. Oh, come on, Walter,
you'd settle for anyone.

I'll never forget your bachelor
apartment.

Sloppy Walter Findlay. It looked like a
rat's nest.

Bed never made, clothes all over the
floor. Your clothes, Maud, not mine.

by the bell again, Walt.

Now, if you'll excuse me, that's
probably another athlete. Mort, if you

want to hire somebody, why don't you let
Florida interview this one?

That's a good idea.

Florida, you were eavesdropping.

Naturally.

Where are we going to find someone as
clever as Florida?

This woman is a saint. Right, Mort.
She's the only one who knows anything

running this place, so why don't you let
her handle it? All right, but I get

final approval.

And no eavesdropping.

I'd like to speak to Mrs. Finley. Oh,
no, you wouldn't, honey. You're much

better off speaking to me.

I'm the saint you're replacing.

Saint Florida.

Sit down.

And relax.

Would you like to see my resume?

Well, first I'd like to ask you a few
questions about yourself.

How did you vote in the last election?

I was out of the state.

Oh, darn it.

And your color ain't gonna do you no
good.

What's wrong with my color?

You ain't got any.

Were you ever busted for walking a
picket line or marching in a protest

Of course not.

Well, that's too bad.

Look, what's all this got to do with
anything?

I'm a good worker. I'm honest. I'm
reliable. Honey, around here, that don't

shoe fly pie.

What about your family?

Any drums or ex -convicts? Are you
kidding?

Honey, you're going to be a hard sell.

Wait a second. Wait a second. Let me ask
you a question.

What have you got going here? Is this a
residence or an outpatient clinic?

You see, honey, the Finlands, well,
they're very nice people.

But if you want this job, we got to find
something about you that'll feed her

guilt.

You see, Mrs. Finley is one of them
bleeding -hard liberals. That's her

diet. Cottage cheese and guilt.

This is hard.

There must be some cloud that we can
turn into a silver lining.

I don't know what you're looking for,
but I'm not interested.

I've never been in any trouble.

My parents have never been in any
trouble. In fact, ever since they came

here from Puerto Rico, it's been no
trouble. Puerto Rico? Hold it!

Puerto Rico. That goes good with cottage
cheese.

outpatient clinic.

Walter, this is ridiculous. It's a waste
of time. Walter, I can go out there and

in one minute tell you whether or not
she's right for the job.

Please, let me go.

Okay, Maude, but give her a fair chance.

Walter, I'll do more than give her a
fair chance.

I'll bend over backwards.

Mr. and Mrs. Finley, this is Rita.

Nice to meet you, Rita. You're not what
we had in mind.

Maude, be careful.

Of what?

I don't want you straining yourself
bending over backwards.

Walter, if music be the food of love, go
swallow a banjo.

Rita, I hope you understand. It's simply
that we're looking for someone a little

more experienced.

Mrs. Finley, look at this.

Experience. Hotel floor maid, three
years.

Assistant to housekeeper... I mean where
it says nationality.

shocked. I am shocked you know that
nationality don't mean shoofly pie

here.

Or do I care what her nationality is?
People are people, period.

It's just that Rita isn't right for the
job.

You do understand, don't you, dear?

I am sorry you feel that way, senora.

I always dreamed of working in a
beautiful home like this ever since I

San Juan to come to New York.

Did you say New York?

Walter, our new housekeeper is Puerto
Rican.

Ole, hooray, and that's that.

Oh, you poor, poor thing. You must have
had a miserable childhood.

Oh, oh, ah, ah, si, si, senora. He was,
um, we... As a little baby, I worked

like a dog in a field cutting sugar
cane.

Mi madre and mi padre, they say, we go
to los Estados Unidos.

Yeah, that's United States, Walter.

Don't you worry, you poor thing. In no
time, we will have you carefree and

laughing. Oh, senora, I am laughing.

Spanish laughs.

Rita, dear, you can begin first thing
Monday.

Take your time. Noon will be fine.

Gracias. Gracias, Senora Finley. Gracias
to you, Rita. And Rita, dear, please,

call me Maude. Si. Si, Senora.

Come in, Henry.

Hasta la vista.

Hasta la vista.

That means I'll see you later.

Where's Florida?

Is it five o 'clock so soon?

A punto.

That means on the dot.

Really, Walter?

Well, besame mucho.

That means go sit on a taco.

Florida Henry's here.

I guess this is it.

Yep. I guess this is it.

I'll tell you one thing, though,
Florida. I'm going to be very adult

I am not going to cry. No tears.

Me neither.

I mean, it's not like we won't see each
other again. How far do we live from

each other? 45 minutes?

I mean, Walter and I will be coming in.
And Henry and I will be driving out. You

know something? We'll probably end up
seeing more of each other now than we

before. I know we will.

Of course.

Goodbye. Goodbye, Florida.

Maud. What, Florida?

Life isn't really like that, is it?

No, I don't guess it is.

I mean, it ain't likely that I'll be
seeing you again soon.

Or even ever.

Again.

That's right, Flora.

But I'm not going to cry.

Me neither.

Well, thanks for everything.

Thank you, Flora.

Bye.

I've changed my mind.

I'm going to cry.

Do you mind if I join you?

Maud was recorded on tape before a live
audience.