All language subtitles for Night Court s09e16 Party Girl 1

Hey, guys.

Hi. The strangest thing just happened in
the elevator. This guy tried to get

information out of me about Christine.

Short, shifty -eyed with questionable
hair?

No, she's perky with blue eyes and
blonde hair.

No, slag brow. The guy.

Well, until we know what this is all
about, let's not say anything to

okay? I mean, it's only going to get her
upset.

Okay, you got it.

Hi.

everybody suddenly get so quiet? Well,
some guy was asking loads of questions

about you and we've been ordered to zip
our lips.

She pried it out of me.

What kind of questions?

He wanted to know about your performance
in court.

He asked me if I liked working with you.

He asked me to list your outstanding
qualities.

I said you had two.

Although maybe I should have said three.

I don't like the idea of some stranger
digging around in my private life.

Well, listen, maybe if the guy's still
in the building, we can find him.

Good idea. You take the courtroom. I'll
take the stairwell.

Well, Christine, you don't even know
what he looks like.

Well, you're right.

You take the stairwell.

I got it. I got it.

Part of it, anyway.

Canubial fusion?

Oh, wait a minute. If that's the one
about the lab technician and her magic

beakers, it gets a thumbs up from me.

No, no, it's the video I shot of Bull
and Wanda's wedding.

It's empty.

Make that two thumbs up.

No, see, this is just the mock -up
artwork for the cassette box.

I'm still finishing my final cut.

It's not easy convincing 60 hours of
tape to 90 breathtaking minutes.

Especially since the wedding only lasted
seven.

Harry, Canubial Fusion is not just about
the wedding.

It's about the total wedding experience.

Mac, make me a copy of that.

You're interested in my wedding?

I'm touched.

No, I'm interested in the write -off.
I'm going to donate that to the Primate

Breeding Center at the Bronx Zoo.

Fifty -five dollars in time, sir.

There's still no sign of that guy. But
if he shows up, I'll cuff him and tie

to a chair until he spills his gun.

Can we just ask him his name?

Yeah, but what's the fun in that?

People versus weeks.

Conspiracy to solicit. Mr.

Prosecutor? Yes, sir. The defendant was
arrested when her neighbors reported a

suspicious number of men and women going
in and out of her brownstone.

On an almost hourly basis, when the
police raided, they found a whole lot of

shaking going on.

Perhaps we should refer to Ms. Weeks as
Madam Weeks.

Actually, it's Dr.

Weeks. Your Honor, Dr. Weeks has a Ph
.D. in S -E -X.

That's sex.

It's okay to say it out loud. I can help
you with that.

Your Honor, those are my credentials. I
employ the techniques of sexual

surrogacy, and the people my neighbors
observed were my patients.

Wait, whoa. You get to do the mattress
mambo with your patients?

No, my surrogates get to do the mattress
mambo.

They are paid professionals trained to
help the patients overcome their

through actual hands -on sexual
encounters.

Give me a minute. One moment.

When you say hands -on, you mean as in
pulsating hands on naked flesh?

We prefer to call it therapy.

Your Honor, sexual surrogacy is a legal
and licensed practice.

God bless our founding fathers.

Well, I'm going to dismiss this case,
but Dr.

Weeks, I would suggest that you explain
to your neighbors that you're not

operating a house of ill repute. It's
just a house of ill recruits.

Case dismissed.

What a concept.

Sexual surrogacy. I mean, it is the
perfect harmony between capital gain and

capital loss.

Gee, I wonder if I'd be overqualified.

Oh, Dr. Weeks. I was hoping that I might
find out some more about your

surrogacy program.

Oh, I see.

Are you saying you have a problem?

Impotency.

Me.

Doctor, I have an innate talent for
sensing a woman's needs.

I could be a big asset to your program.

You know, Mr. Fielding, there are many
men who want to become surrogates for

purely selfish reasons.

I see that I'm going to have to level
with you.

You see, I'm a product of a sexually
dysfunctional family.

My mother was frigid, and

my father had to turn elsewhere to warm
his coals.

Well, Mr. Fielding, I'm sorry. I had no
idea.

Help other people so that they don't
wind up like Mom and Daddy Bob.

Well, you know you'd have to go through
training.

I'm a quick study.

With a slow trigger.

I hope you understand that what we're
doing is serious.

Believe me, I'm serious.

About sex.

Why don't you call me tomorrow and we'll
get started?

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Yes!

Oh, oh, oh, oh! Be careful.

Don't want to damage teacher's aid. So
you think Christine Sullivan has a

pretty balanced diet? Pizza, knishes,
black -eyed peas, nice ethnic mix?

Good, good.

We've never met.

Hold it, mister.

I'm Christine Sullivan, and I want to
know why you're asking all these

questions.

Christine Sullivan, we meet at last. I'm
Johnny Dugan. Fine, Mr. Dugan. What a

lucky woman you are to have such a
stellar reputation, from a shining

law school to your tenure as a
sympathetic yet tough public defender,

mention a single mother to a beautiful
son who I hear is the...

bidding image of his father.

So tell me, Christine, whose fault was
this failed marriage?

What the hell is going on here?

Miss Sullivan, we're thinking of running
you as a candidate for Congress.

What? That's right, Christine. You see,
I'm a political consultant for the

party, and we feel you have winner
written all over you.

Me? I have no political experience.

I was elected class president in my
fourth grade class. Vice president? You

became president when Maureen Foley came
down with the mug.

I'd beat the pants off if her mother
hadn't bought the whole class ice cream.

A cheap trick.

But ancient history. Are you familiar
with the incumbent Louise Cahill? Sure.

Eighteen terms in office, but sadly,
Louise has grown so frail. One big gust

wind and... Well, she's the past.

You are the future. So tell me, what
issues does Christine Sullivan care

Daycare?

Oh, I'm tingling.

You could be the voice of the people.

This is just too much too soon. I'm
going to have to think about this. Think

about this, Christine.

You're driven up the long drive to the
White House.

You walk down the red carpet into the
East Room where the President of the

United States greets you with...

Hello, Christine.

How's little Charlie?

President wants to know about little
Charlie?

That's sweet.

You're seated at a state dinner between
the Secretary of Commerce and some

general who hangs on your every word.
Oh, and that souvenir ashtray you

in your purse for the keepsake?

It's okay.

It's expected.

They've got lots of them.

I collect souvenir ashtrays.

Congress? No, I don't know. Just think
about it.

Oh, and Christine, congratulations.

For what?

According to our computer poll, you've
already won.

It was a landslide.

They want me to run for Congress.

Is that the funniest thing you've ever
heard?

You run for Congress.

You're a great public defender.

You're smart.

You're personable. You're charismatic. I
guess you would make a good candidate.

Don't be ridiculous, Harry. How could I
be qualified to run for public office?

What do you want me to do here?

Support me.

Well, fine, then. There's lots of
unqualified people in office.

I mean, everybody has to start
somewhere.

You know, Harry, I never told anyone
this, but...

I have always dreamed about becoming an
elected official.

When I'd walk down the street, people
would say, there goes Christine

She cares.

And she looks so much thinner in person.

So, what do you think?

Well, I think it's pretty sudden.

But some people are born into greatness,
and others have greatness thrust upon

them.

Right, Congresswoman Sullivan?

Ooh, I love that.

Okay, I'm going to call him up, tell him
to get to work.

Meet Christine Sullivan.

She's bright, she's honest, she's
running for Congress.

Wow.

These guys thrust fast.

How'd you like that wedding video, huh?

Mac, you took the most beautiful day of
our lives and turned it into a satanic

nightmare.

That doesn't sound like a compliment.

So this is what you really think of us?
A couple of distorted faces who speak in

slow motion.

Oh, that was symbolic of your timeless
love and all -encompassing commitment.

You didn't even hold the camera right.

You cut off my head.

It was an artistic choice.

It was to show that you weren't just
you.

You're every man.

Well, every man didn't marry Wanda. And
every man doesn't appreciate great art.

This was a cinematic statement.

A doll ceremony could be shot by any
idiot.

In that case, I could have done it
myself.

I would have had some record of the
happiest day of our lives.

I never want to see this artsy fartsy
poop again.

I'm not surprised if your thank you note
comes postage due.

The least you could have done was rewind
it.

Christine, meet your machine.

Eric's in charge of appearance, beauty
policy, Scott fundraising, and Bertram

VI.

VI? Voter impact.

How you shake hands, kiss babies, wave,
that sort of thing.

You mean there's a right and a wrong way
to wave?

The right wave can make or break a
candidate.

This country was built by great risk.

Am I ready? I've only had five days to
prepare.

I'm not familiar with all the issues.

Don't worry about the issues right now.
Well, I would like to talk about the

Harrison Cain daycare bill, which Louise
Cahill voted against.

We've been reading, haven't we?

Yes, I have, and it's something I'd like
to spend more time with. And you will,

but first things first, Eric.

Here's your color charge.

Now, remember, primary covers are for
primaries.

Luckily, you're an autumn.

Lizette, give me your hand.

Why?

I need it for Chapter 7, The Delicate
Art of Touch.

What are you going to do with it?

I need it so I can make the field relax.
Now give it to me!

More surrogacy training, Dan?

Well, Dr. Wick's course is very
thorough.

Unlike her screening process.

Foreplay should be the most important
part of lovemaking.

Starting with the fingers, gently trace
up your partner's arm.

Caress the shoulder with care,
delicately massaging each muscle

while isolating each key erogenous zone.

What's wrong with you?

Oh, nothing, baby.

I'll just find somebody else who'll warm
up to my sensitivity.

Somebody better alert the morgue.

Well, another few minutes and your
candidacy will be officially launched.

I can feel the excitement.

I can hear the pulse of the race
starting to beat.

It's my heart lodged in my throat.

You'll be terrific.

Now, the press will be here soon, so
it's time to psych up. Think positive.

Think winner.

Think kicking that old prune in the
butt.

I'm running in the 13th Congressional
District.

I know. That's my district.

Oh, wonderful. My first voter. How
exciting.

Here's a pamphlet and a button. I hope
you'll think of me on election day.

You don't understand. That's my
district.

I'm Louise Cahill.

You're Louise Cahill?

Which you can't be. You look so alive.

So you came down here to check me out?

Oh, don't flatter yourself.

I was in the building having dinner with
old Bucky Reed.

Thought I'd pop up and I this year's
model.

Bucky Reed?

As in Maxwell Reed?

As in Supreme Court Justice Reed? The
one and only.

You call him Bucky?

And have for 45 years. Ever since
Harvard.

Oh, he had quite a set of teeth on him
in those days.

You went to Harvard?

Radcliffe. Oh, surely you can recall
some impressive friendships from your

in Buffalo State.

Well, yeah, yeah, I... How did you know
I went to Buffalo State?

Oh, I make it my business to know
everything about my opponent.

After all, I think the public deserves a
candidate who's well -informed.

Not the homecoming queen.

I was never homecoming queen.

Second runner -up. Aha!

First runner -up.

Anyway, Miss Sullivan, the 13th District
is mine.

It's been mine for 36 years. Now,
doesn't that tell you something?

That maybe it's time for a change? Oh,
yes. I've heard that one before.

You know, two years ago, they came up
with an MBA from Yale.

A nice young man.

Handsome. Idealistic. A little like you.

And they convinced him he could win by a
landslide, and the next thing he'd be

in the White House posing with the
president and stealing ashtrays.

I heard they let you keep them.

Well, then came our first debate, and he
was in way over his head, and he looked

to me for help.

Well, I did what anyone would do for a
drowning man. I threw him an anchor and

watched him sink like a stone.

Wait. you telling me this i think you
should really know what you're in for

going to annihilate you just like you
annihilated the harrison cane daycare

oh that's just one tiny bill christine
one of hundreds well maybe but it's a

pretty big one to me look miss sullivan
i think it's very noble

of you

to want to serve in a public office. But
why don't you start by running for

hairdresser? Oh, look at the time.

I've got a fundraiser at 21.

And at 2 ,000 a plate, they expect you
at least to show up for dessert.

I'll see you on the campaign trail.

May the best woman win.

She has for 36 years.

Bye.

What a great wave.

Congratulations, Mr. Fielding. You've
passed all of your exams, and your first

patient will be here any minute.

I'm ready, Doctor.

Here's your file.

Her name is Virginia.

She has an insatiability problem.

You mean she... Can't control her sex
drive.

Thank you.

I'm serious.

Glad I had oysters for lunch.

Here she is now.

Virginia, this is Dan, and he's going to
help you.

As many times as I can.

We are going to have a very therapeutic
evening. And, yes, Virginia, there is a

Santa Claus.

Matt? Yeah, oh, hi.

So, uh, what'd you think?

There's three words I never thought I'd
say.

Bull was right.

You didn't like it?

I mean, didn't you feel the symbolism,
the angst, the struggle between good and

evil?

Stupidest thing I ever saw.

You people wouldn't know great art if it
came and slapped you in the face.

Well, if you think that's great art,
somebody should come and slap you in the

face.

Conuvial Fusion is a masterpiece. I
don't care what any of you think.

Oh, they laughed at Ingmar Bergman. They
sneered at Federico Fellini, and they

panned David Lynch.

Those guys got off easy.

They gonna kill you.

Hey, you all set for your big press
conference?

Is that pained expression part of your
campaign strategy?

Harry, Louise Cahill came to see me.

I have never met a more powerful woman.

I don't want to run against her. I want
to work for her.

Christine, she's been doing this a long
time. She's a professional politician.

Yeah, my point exactly.

I think the people deserve someone with
experience, not the homecoming queen.

I thought you were just first runner
-up.

Christine, there you are.

Could you excuse us, Judge? We have a
few last -minute details.

Yeah, sure.

See you in there.

I hope.

Now, everyone's here and they're...
Johnny, I can't do this.

Of course you can. It's just a little
press conference. No, I mean, I don't

think I can run.

Louise Cahill was here and... It's so
unfair.

So, Louise came to psych you out.

She's been using that trick since the
Alamo. You're not going to let that old

battle axe intimidate you. Well, she
makes sense. I have no business running

against her. Christine, we believe you
can make a difference, but you've got to

believe in yourself.

Now, if you don't think you're strong
enough, then the time to get out is now.

But if you have the guts, walk through
that door and become our candidate.

You're the only one who can make that
decision.