All language subtitles for My Favorite Martian s01e01 My Favorite Martian

Did you get O 'Hara yet?

Why do you mean his line's busy? I know
that character. He's just left the phone

off the hook again.

I've got to get him. He's got to rush
out to Edwards Air Force Base right

The weather's changed. They put the X
-15 test flight up ahead the whole day.

Oh, never mind. I know where I can get
him.

Will somebody get the phone?

Hello? You were just visiting,
Annabelle.

Hello?

Oh, good morning, Mr. Burns.

Uh -huh.

Yes, sir. I'll tell Tim right away.

Angela, halt!

Mother, you're not in the waves anymore.
I've got to wake Tim up.

Oh, I'll wake him up, Aunt Laura Lee.
Well, Annabelle, dear, you'll not only

wake him up, you'll shake him up.

I forgot.

Yes, well, don't forget again, dear.

Especially in the morning when a man's
metabolism is just starting to do

whatever it is a man's metabolism does.

You see, girls, he's wide awake. It's
best to be brutal.

Tim, your editor called, and he wants
you to cover the flight of the X -15.

It's been moved up a day.

Thanks, Angie.

Annabelle.

Now, that's what I was telling you girls
about a man's metabolism.

Tim, get dressed.

Boy, stay with it.

Mach 5 .3.

A little trouble with vertical
stability.

Hey, there's an unknown on my radar.

A flip on a collision course with the X
-15.

I'm gaining on it fast.

Overtaking it. Impossible.

Look, I'm tracking it now.

Mach 5 .4.

Whatever it is, it's going over 9 ,000
miles an hour.

Oh, come on. There just must be
something wrong with this thing. That's

Mach 5 .9.

Oh, no, no. Not those things again.

Sommermeyer, check your oxygen supply.
Stop babbling that nonsense about flying

saucers. It's probably just a speck in
your eye.

Yes, sir.

I'm turning now for the landing.

Afraid he needs a rest.

Lips off my scope now.

Oh, good. Shut it off. Darn thing
probably doesn't work anyway.

I'm just happy that that reporter wasn't
around to start splashing it over the

papers that our pilots are seeing flying
saucers. And the radar's picking up

stuff that isn't even there. Maybe it
was a meteorite or a piece of a

Yeah, maybe.

Oh, hi, Colonel. Am I late? Oh, Harold.
Great show. The show's over. But it was

just a routine flight.

If you could just give me the speed, let
me interview the pilot. Yeah, I'm

sorry. I can't give you any information
right now. Yes, you're pushing me. Am I?

How about that? No, wait a minute. Why
so much secrecy if this is just a

flight? Why can't I interview someone?

Why are you sweating in an air
-conditioned room? Now, what happened?

Something's going on inside.

Are you through?

What are you waiting for me to say? Take
me to your leader?

Who are you?

Well, I could give you some wild tale of
being a Russian astronaut or the

designer of an experimental spacecraft.

But the plain fact of the matter is, I'm
from Mars.

Mars? Mars.

Now, don't look so astonished.

I'm a professor of anthropology from
Mars, specializing in this primitive

planet. Mars?

I'm afraid you got hit a little harder
than you think.

That idiot in your antique rocket plane
almost ran into me.

You mean the X -15?

Now I'm marooned on this backward planet
until I can repair my ship.

Now, hold it, hold it, hold it.

You mean the X -15 almost... Almost ran
into your, um... That thing.

Precisely. It was lumbering along at
barely 4 ,000 miles an hour.

I had to strain my ship to get out of
its way.

You know how fast he was going?

I can tell you to the fifth decimal
place.

Oh, that idiot at the controls reported
me to his base as a flying saucer.

Ooh.

Well, just don't sit there.

I've been hurt.

Come on, we'll go to my car.

You'll have to carry me.

Takes me a little while to get used to
the Earth's gravity. I weigh so much

here. Yeah.

Well, it isn't Mars, but it's, uh, tone.

Now, the question is, how are we going
to get you inside without Mrs. Brown

spotting us?

Uh, just give me a second.

Nobody will see me now, but you'll still
have to carry me in.

All right, come on, come on.

How did you do that?

It isn't easy. If I have to do it again
in my condition, you're going to have a

very sick Martian on your hands.

Let's go, let's go.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh.

Give me your hand.

Oh, no.

Square.

Beat it.

Go away.

I'll take care of him.

Stop gawking and get me to bed.

Well, I... It's kind of a charade.

I'm pretending I'm carrying an invisible
man into the house.

How do you

feel now?

Oh, better, thanks.

Oh, your atmosphere.

So rich in oxygen.

It's like breathing in a thick chocolate
malted milk.

Malted milk? Malted milk? How would a
Martian know about that?

Now, since modesty forbids my calling
attention to my superior intellect, I'll

confine myself to saying that I am the
greatest living authority on the subject

of your planet.

I've visited here many times, especially
in the last 150 years.

150 years?

How old are you?

Let's just say I'm approaching the prime
of my life.

But if you've been here before, how come
there haven't been headlines about you

all over the world? Well, as long as I
don't wear a sign on my back saying I am

a Martian, who would ever know?

And no one you met ever suspected?

Not even Thomas Jefferson.

And he was a fairly bright fellow.

For native ends.

You know, you Earth people are
handicapped.

You only use a small portion of your
brain.

We Martians use all of ours.

I can't believe it.

The trouble is, you're too intelligent
to believe it.

You people battle me.

So illogical.

So emotional.

Earth's all right for a visit, but I
wouldn't want to live here.

Well, you've got to live here now,
whether you like it or not. I'm afraid

stuck. Only temporarily.

I'll leave as soon as I can repair my
spaceship, and no one will be the wiser

but you. No, no, no. You're not leaving
until I get a story on this and the

pictures. I'm going to get the Pulitzer
Prize for this. I'm sorry.

But you're not going to be able to write
that story.

But I've got to write it. I'm a
newspaper man.

You wouldn't be for long.

Nobody would believe you.

Pick up the phone.

Call your editor.

Tell him you found a real live Martian.

Go ahead.

But it's the truth.

No, no, no.

They wouldn't believe you.

I'll prove it.

I'll bring them here and I'll show you
to them. I'll disappear.

And you know I can do it.

Is that how a person from a superior
planet shows his gratitude?

I may seem ungrateful, but I believe I
know what would happen.

Suppose you did win the Pulitzer Prize.

You wouldn't deserve it, and you
wouldn't be able to live up to it.

You'd be a one -day wonder, and that's
all.

And you wouldn't want that, would you?

Incidentally.

There's a very attractive brunette
walking up your steps right now.

How'd you know that?

She's thinking very warm thoughts about
you.

How do you know that?

You mean you can read minds?

Unless there's a conscious effort to
shut me out. For instance, I know

what you're thinking about the young
lady.

You shut me right out.

That was personal.

After all, I'm only human.

Just remember, I'm more than human.

Now, answer the door.

If there's anything I hate, it's the
smart Alec Lee Marshall.

By

Tim

O 'Hara.

Well, well.

Gosh, I'm proud of you.

How nice for me.

Excuse me for butting into your thoughts
again, but you're about to have

visitors.

Hey!

Hey, what is this?

Murphy, the Air Force wants to know
where you got your information on the X

flight.

Who's this?

Well, he's a Martian. A what?

Martin. Martin. Martin. That's his name.

Martin, my uncle.

Uncle Martin. He's, um... Well, he's
here after a long trip, and he's not

feeling very well. Let's go. No, no,
hold him. Hold him. He, um... What?

Well, he might need something.

So just help yourself, Uncle Martin. Oh,
and, uh... Here, you might need a

little cash. I know you might be short.

So, uh... And the keys are in the car.
Okay.

Thank you.

I, uh...

I may not be back by the time you leave,
so it's been very nice seeing you. I

hope you have a very pleasant trip and
happy landing.

All right. Take good care of him,
Annabelle. Have it at you.

He must be a pretty nice boy.

He is.

I mean, you're his uncle. You ought to
know.

Oh, well, I haven't seen much of him,
and my home is a long, long way from

Well, we'll take care of you, my aunt
and I.

Is your aunt the woman next door who
gives bridge lessons and is taking a

in real estate and sells Christmas cards
and beauty creams and is studying the

stock market with a Ouija board?

Tim must have talked to you about it.

Uh, yes.

Yes, yes.

Well, I'll be able to take care of
myself, thank you.

I'll be up and around tomorrow.

Well, we'll take care of you anyway.

I said no interruptions until I call you
back. I don't care who it is, nobody at

all.

Now, O 'Hara, this is your last chance.

I don't care anything about this flying
saucer jazz that crops up every year at

the beginning of the hay fever season.
But you are not getting out of here

I find out which one of my men is
passing out information to the fifth

place. I refuse to reveal my sources of
news.

Why, you... Colonel.

Colonel, I've got to admit that I admire
this young man's principles.

What? Now, with your permission, I'd
like to do something for him.

For starters, I'd like to throw him in
jail.

I'd be very happy to look after him
personally. Good.

I'll go by and see him.

Every month or so.

Let me call my attorney, please.

Here you are, O 'Hara.

A lovely three -course lunch.

Three -course lunch? It looks like
hamburger.

Oh, no.

You got hamburger, coffee, and sugar.

You got any words for the colonel? Yes.
Yes, I have several words for the

colonel.

But I wouldn't use any of them in mixed
company.

Murphy stole your pickle.

How'd you get in here?

I arrived with a lunch.

I realize you don't have visiting hours,
but I wanted to thank you personally

for your kindness.

Oh, that's all right.

You're in a lot of trouble because of
me, aren't you?

Well, I'll let through.

Why'd you let yourself in for it?

I guess I'm a little stupid sometimes.

Anyway, you're the nicest Martian I ever
met.

Thank you.

And thank you for these clothes.

Now, how are we going to get you out of
here?

Let me think.

Suppose we tell them that you picked up
their control center on your car radio.

No, that's impossible. My radio wouldn't
pick up their frequency.

Blame it on sunspots, freak reception,
an ionization shift in the upper

atmosphere. That's your story, and stick
to it.

I'll try, but... Excuse me a moment.

Murphy's coming back.

Eat your lunch.

Excuse me.

Who are you talking to in there?

One of my favorite people, myself.

I heard two different voices.

Well, sure, one voice would be
monotonous, and besides, I couldn't tell

me was saying what to whom.

Well, the voice I heard didn't sound
anything like yours.

Why should it?

Charlie McCarthy doesn't sound anything
like Edgar Bergen.

You're, uh, you're a ventriloquist,
aren't you?

I'm practicing throwing my voice while
I'm eating.

Hey, you know something?

You're very good.

Well, thank you.

I thank you, too.

We both thank you.

Both at once.

Fantastic.

Yes. Well, that's enough for now. You
don't want to spend too much time with

prisoner. Now, uh, here you go. And next
time, don't steal my pickle.

What makes you think I'd do a thing like
that? Your face. It's got pickle

-stealer written all over it.

If you've got anything to say to the
colonel, you let me know.

Yes, I may do that.

Goodbye, Tim.

See you later.

Now remember, Colonel, it might have
been a freak thing that made the car

you pick up the control center that day.
I say it's impossible and I'm calling

your bluff. Yes,

it might have been sunspots or upper
atmosphere ionization or something like

that. Well, maybe it's a holiday for
sunspots.

If it doesn't work, back you go.

Right. Well, if it doesn't work, be
reasonable, Colonel. Quiet.

Yeah, how about that?

There'll be no more of that, Colonel.

Hey! Hey, that's my radio! Keep your
hands off that.

You've got some gadget in here that's
bringing in our frequencies and the

laboratory's gonna find it. Uh, Colonel,
maybe we ought to keep him on ice until

we get the lab report, huh? Ah, that
won't be necessary. We know where to

him. But if there is any unauthorized
equipment of any kind in this, you are

going to get free room and board in a
federal prison.

And don't you forget it!

will find out exactly how this could
happen.

Somehow I doubt it.

I simply don't understand. Now, why
didn't you tell me you could gimmick up

radio? You just let me sweat it out.
Exactly. If I hadn't, you would have

smug and overconfident, and the colonel
might have detected a fishy aroma.

Well, I suffered. It was very painful.
Well, a little pain is good for you.

As one of your playwrights observed,
pain makes man think, thinking makes man

wise, and wisdom makes life endurable.

Next problem.

My little spaceship is down in the
garage, and I've got to start repairing

I can get back to Mars.

We need a number of very scarce items,
most of which haven't been invented yet.

That sounds pretty expensive. What are
you going to use for money?

I've been reading about an interesting
place called Las Vegas.

With you rolling the dice, and with my
special talents, we ought to do all

there.

No, no, no.

I've been in nothing but trouble since I
met you.

And I imagine that will continue.

But it won't be dull.

And a friend who can read minds can be
of enormous help to a young reporter.

I can get you a lot of information
straight from the horse's head.

Now, what do you say?

It's a deal.

Welcome to the O 'Hara family.

Thank you, my boy.

Well...

I guess that makes me the first Irishman
from the planet Mars.