All language subtitles for My Dead Ex s01e01 That Nervous Jittery Feeling

You're taking forever.

Yeah, yeah, I'll be out in a second. One
sec.

This is an emergency.

I've got to take the biggest... Shit.

What? My cupper's blown. Bethany just
caught me checking her out.

It blows my mind that you're into
Bethany Fowler. You guys are so

I don't know what it is. She just...
Makes me want to put a Make America

Again hat on and have loud, sweaty,
fiscally responsible sex with her.

Anyway, how about you? How's your
budding YA romance novel going?

Um, yet to be published.

I don't know what's going on.

Hey, Charlie. Morning, Lizbeth.

Liz won't give me the time of day. Like,
literally. Yesterday I asked him what

time it was and he just ignored me.

Ouch. Well, maybe he's a seniorist.

Konnichiwa, Johnny.

Konnichiwa, Chiro.

Um, what's a senior?

Somebody who's racist towards people who
aren't seniors.

Not a thing.

Good morning, Lizbeth.

So when do you know sign language?

Um, a couple weeks now. Just thought I'd
make Dylan feel more included.

You know how many kids sign here? None.

It'd be hard for us.

I'm sorry, Charles, but this is an
intervention.

You're addicted to getting people to
like you.

It's not an addiction. There are plenty
of kids who don't need to like me.

Hi, Charlie.

Ren.

Case in point.

Ben, what are you doing? It's not your
locker. Oh, it is now.

I bribed Wallace the janitor to let me
have it so we can be closer together.

And what did he do with the other
person's stuff?

I don't know.

Probably moved it to my locker.

Listen, Charlie, there's something I
wanted to ask you.

We've known each other for a while now,
and I feel like we have this connection,

you know? Like we're meant to be
together, cosmically. Right. I guess

asking is, what are you doing?

Oh, well, I keep track of how many times
you've asked me out, so it looks like

we're up to 56.

Oh, 56 times. Wow.

I'm not great at math, but if you've
asked me out 56 times, and I've said no

times, then...

That would mean that I rejected you,
yeah, 56 times.

Actually, it would be only 55 times
because you haven't said no to me yet.

I'm sorry, did you just say only 55
times?

Sure. I'll ask Charlie out 156 times if
there's a slight chance that she might

say yes to me.

Jesus, man.

What is wrong with you?

She's not interested.

When are you going to let that sink in?
I mean, she's never, ever, ever going to

say yes. Yeah.

Huh? Ben has a good point. Hmm?

Yeah, I'll go out with you, but it's one
time, and it's just for coffee.

Coffee, okay.

Cool,

cool, yeah. The most important part,
Ben, is that you have to promise me that

you're never going to ask me out again.
No, totally. Say it. Say it. I will

never ask you out again. I will never
ask you out again because I won't need

Okay. All right. Awesome. I will pick
you up at 5.

5, yeah, works for me. Hey, I'll be
there.

What the hell are you doing? What else
am I going to do? You're not going to

stop otherwise.

Uh -huh.

You know when you're wearing a pair of
really nice shoes and you accidentally

step into a pile of dog shit, and no
matter what you do, no matter how hard

clean them, there's still that lingering
smell of dog shit?

Well, you stepped in a big pile of them,
and that smell's never coming off.

And not be seen in public, too.

Yeah, very cool, Ben.

Ah, Miss Albright.

Welcome. You look ravishing, as always.

Ben, what the hell is this?

It was just supposed to be coffee.

Oh, no, there's coffee, too.

Look, I really just wanted to impress
you.

Hey, you're already here. There's
delicious food. The weather's perfect.

Please, stay.

Let me impress you.

These are for you.

I couldn't afford a real violinist to
ask my neighbor to help.

Thanks, Dr. Metzenbaum.

Go ahead.

Grilled cheese?

Yep. It's gruyere with caramelized
onions and artisan bread that I cooked

rosemary butter.

You made this yourself?

I did.

Dig in before it gets cold.

Stop judging me, Ben.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are. You're silently judging me
with your little silent judge. You

judge your eyes. Stop.

No, no, it's just... You'd rather get
the perfect photo than enjoy the food

way it's supposed to be enjoyed?

I don't get it.

Of course you don't.

Okay, so say it's a sandwich.

Best sandwich I've ever had. Hot,
delicious, it's amazing.

How long does that enjoyment last?

Okay, now say I take a photo of it.

and I share it on Instagram, then
everybody can enjoy its beauty forever.

Oh, my God.

Can't share that on Instagram?

Wait, Ben, this is incredible.

I thought it'd be nice to review a
gourmet version of something we used to

when we were kids.

Speaking of, check it out.

You still have yours?

Yeah, somewhere in my room, in a box,
maybe.

I wear mine every day to remind me of
what I once had.

Okay, look, Ben, I'm really flattered
that you like me as much as you do.

But fourth grade was, like, a really
long time ago, and I just, I don't feel,

don't feel that way anymore.

Because you're into Luke now.

Um, how, what, how did you know that?

I see the way you look at him.

I just don't get it.

Why Luke? He's so obvious.

No, he's not. He's not obvious.

I don't know. Whenever I think about
him, I just get... I don't know. You

wouldn't understand, bud.

Whenever you think about him, you get
this nervous, jittery feeling, like

five years old and it's the night before
your birthday.

There's this electricity posting to your
body. It makes simple tasks impossible.

You can't walk in a straight line, you
can't form complete sentences, but it

doesn't matter.

The only thing that matters is holding
on to that feeling as long as possible,

because that nervous, jittery feeling,
it's what reminds her alive.

Yeah. Something like that.

Um, you know what would be really good
with these?

Tomato soup. Remember we ate it when we
were younger? So good.

I actually was waiting for you to say
that, because I prepare tomato soup. I'm

just forgetting one crucial ingredient.

Don't say magic.

Don't say magic.

Magic.

Hold this, please.

Hmm? Yep.

All right.

Alakazam.

Alakazoop. Please give my girl some
tomatoes.

Ooh.

Uh... Okay, I don't know what's going
on. I practiced that all day, and it was

working, I promise.

Just one second.

To living?

I'm done with real life.

Mmm.

That was good.

It's like the chocolate sauce, the
potato chips, and the ice cream are all

having a threesome in my mouth, except
without all the awkwardness that usually

comes with a threesome.

Everyone's getting the right amount of
attention.

Damn. You're really killing it with the
metaphors today.

Told you.

Dog shit on a shoe.

What do you want, Ben?

You did what?

I just set up a social media account.
I'm about to post my first picture. It's

going to be epic.

Ben, what's that noise? Where are you?

I don't want to say too much. It'll
spoil the surprise.

Look, Charlie, I got to go. I'll talk to
you later, okay? No, Ben, Ben, just...

So apparently Ben

has set up a social media account.

And just four years after my grandma.

Hmm, good for him.

What's wrong? I don't know. Nothing.
Like, Ben has a social media account.

no big deal.

Like, what's the worst that could
happen?

A local boy died tonight uploading his
first social media post.

17 -year -old Reseda Hills resident
Benjamin Bloom was trying to take a

himself posing with some graffiti he
spray -painted onto the billboard behind

when he lost his balance and plunged 100
feet to the concrete below.

A tragedy police are referring to as...

Death by selfie.

Wow.

Beautiful.

Not half as beautiful as you.

You're such a dipshit, Ben.

I know.

And look, I have one for me, too.

Got them from some old lady downtown.

She was weird. Smelled like cheese.

Said I got some kind of magic spell on
them or something.

If you put them on, you'll be in love
forever.

I love it, Ben.

I love you, Charlie Albright.

Forever.

Okay, Cookie, I'm heading out now.

Won't be back for dinner. Got to work
late.

Okay. Sounds good, Mom.

Hey, I'm sorry about your friend,
Charlotte. He was always such a sweet

Mom, you said he gave you the creeps.

Yeah, but in a sweet way.

Hey, I thought you got a bump in
Instagram followers this month.

Because I read that 35 % of college
admissions offices are now looking at

media to learn about applicants.

Personal branding and so on.

Thanks, Mom.

Charlie,

dear. Oh, it is so good to see you.

We haven't seen you in ages.

I just, I wanted to say I'm really sorry
for your loss.

Ben was, um, just one of a kind.

He really was, wasn't he?

You should eat, Charlie. Um, how about
potato salad? Do you like potato salad?

We have mountains of it.

So please feel free to take some home
with you, too. And there's pies and

cookies and...

I have the boxes still in the kitchen,
so make sure you grab some, okay?

Oh, but before you do that, maybe you'd
say a few words.

If you would do that, Charlie, it would
mean a lot.

Yeah? Sure?

Oh, thank you so much.

Everyone, quiet down.

Benji's ex -girlfriend, Charlie, has
agreed to say a few words.

I'm sorry. I agreed to do what?

Oh, it's okay, dear. Just say whatever
your heart tells you to say.

Um,

uh, I am, I'm Charlotte Albright.

I, uh, I am, I'm Charlotte Albright.
And, um,

you know, I think it had been in fourth
grade. So it was a long time ago. I

would hardly consider me as like ex
-girlfriend.

Um, is that, is that, is that a painting
of me riding a unicorn?

Benji did that a couple of years ago. I
liked it so much I had it framed.

I think Ben had a skewed perception of
me. You know, the Charlie in his

head wasn't really an honest reflection
of who I really am.

But that's what made him so great. He
had this just hopeful naivete to him.

And he could be, like, a little
annoying.

Very, very annoying.

Um, but also he was weirdly poetic.

You know, he just, he saw the world a
bit different than the rest of us.

And he was really kind and smart.

Tenacious.

But yeah, I'm, um, I'm really gonna miss
having him around to annoy me.

Hey, Charlie.

Hey. Hi.

What's up?

That was a great speech.

Thanks.

Um, what are you doing here?

Whoa. No, I didn't mean to come off
accusatory. I'm just... Yeah, seriously,

what are you doing here?

Came to pay my respects to Ben's family.

Is that okay?

Yeah, no, of course. I just, I didn't
know you knew Ben. Yeah, yeah, through

after -school tutoring program.

Free calculus.

Right.

He was your tutor.

I was his tutor, actually.

Oh, geez.

Wow, then.

You just think I'm some big, dumb,
oblivious jock, don't you?

Sorry.

No.

Believe me.

I'm used to it.

He talks about you all the time, you
know.

Like, with you? Really?

I just didn't know you knew who I was.

I did.

I mean, I do.

I mean, I wanted to talk to you, but out
of respect for Ben, I didn't want him

to think I was flirting with you or
something.

That's why you ignored me. Got it.

My friend just thought you were a racist
towards non -seniors.

Your friend thought I was racist?

No. No.

No, no, no. She said nothing.

You could have just talked to me. It
wouldn't have been flirting.

Yeah, well, I'm not sure I could have
helped myself.

Uh, look,

I, um, you know, I know this might not
be the most tactful thing to ask,

considering where we are, uh, but.

He said, he was like, oh, can I, like,
can I maybe, like, possibly, I don't

know, like, maybe have your number? It
was very, it was very cute. It was very

cute. Well, did you give it to him?
Yeah, of course. Oh, my God. You picked

boy at a wake.

You bitch.

I love it.

Today has been such a rollercoaster of
emotions. It's, like, obviously very sad

because Ben died, but also really great
because Luke was there. But, you know,

really, really sad because Ben died.
But, like, amazing because Luke was

We were really connected. But sad
because Ben died. So, God, it's so

having something so tragic and
something, like, so amazing happening

simultaneously.

That's my life story.

I was born on September 11th, remember?

What was that?

Wait, did you hear that too?

Yeah, it sounded like glass breaking.

Is it your mom?

No, that's impossible.

She zonked out on Ambie and like nothing
is waking that woman up.

I'm going to check it out.

Are you insane, Charles? Stay where you
are. No, I can't. What if something's

wrong? I can't just like hide out in my
room.

Okay.

Hey, Charlie.

I'm back.

How did you... What?

How?

How, Ben? How?

I don't know, okay? One moment I'm
plummeting 100 feet to my death, and the

I'm crawling through six feet of dirt.

Why did you come here? Why not go to
your own house?

I don't know. As soon as I crawled out
of my grave, I felt this intense pain.

My whole body was on fire.

The closer I got to your house, the
better I felt.

It was like I was being guided by some
unknown force.

Oh, that's probably the police. Ron said
she called them. No, no. What are you

doing? What do you mean? This is a great
thing. Maybe they can help us figure

out what is going on.

No, they're not going to help us.

They're going to call the government.

And then a bunch of white vans are going
to pull up and guys in big yellow

plastic suits are going to jump out and
take me to some secret underground lab

run by a brooding scientist who's going
to perform sinister experiments on my

person. Have you ever seen any movie
that came out in the 80s?

Fine.

Good evening, officer.

Ma 'am, I'm responding to a wait.

Charlie.

Charlie Albright.

It's me, Mitch.

Mitch Maloof. Remember?

I used to work at the frozen yogurt
place you'd go to. I used to give you

employee discount even though you didn't
work there. Right.

See, you're not flinging fro you
anymore, Mitch? Nah, I got fired.

They told me I lacked the mental
capacity to handle the toppings bar,

that means.

Anyway, I'm a cop now, which is way
easier. Plus, I get a gun.

Awesome. I know.

So the reason I'm here, evidently we
received a 911 call, and the caller

said, and I quote,

Oh, God. Oh, God. You got to help.
There's a crazy man inside my friend's

Oh, God. I told her she was going to be
okay, but it was all a lie. She's

probably already dead, chopped up into
little tiny pieces. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Unquote. Yeah, you know, I called my
friend Ren. Just a misunderstanding. I'm

okay.

Okay, so there's no crazy man inside
your house?

What was that?

Mitch, I'm going to need to wrap this
up.

If you're in danger and you need help
and you can't say anything, blink twice

and I will help you.

Okay. You have yourself a nice night.
And please, tell your friend, only call

911 in case of an emergency.

I will. Okay, have a good night.

What are you doing? You just ruined the
whole thing.

I don't know what happened. I walked
over there to pick up that candlestick

I felt that intense pain.

Oh, my God.

Do you think now that I'm dead I'm
allergic to candlesticks?

What? No.

Oh, yeah.

No, you're right.

Wait.

How long have you been wearing that
necklace?

I don't know. Since sometime this
afternoon.

Oh, my God.

It's it. Okay, the necklace.

Do you remember when I bought these from
that weird old woman downtown?

The one that smelled like brie?

Or was it... Or was it camembert?

I don't know. My palate wasn't as
refined.

It was a soft cheese.

Ben, Ben, just please get to the point.
Please. Sorry.

That old woman, she said something about
these necklaces being enchanted with a

love spell.

Charlie, these necklaces are the reason
I'm back.

Magical necklaces.

The dumbest thing I've ever heard. I
know, but if you have a better reason

why you're talking to a dead kid in your
kitchen, then I'm all ears.

So what's with the intense pain and
moaning?

I don't know. Maybe they have to be
close enough to each other to work.

How close?

Okay, just tell me when you start to
feel anything.

Okay. Okay, how far is that?

Um, 30 feet.

Okay, and you're sure you can't go...
Stop!

What are you doing? Are you crazy? All
right, all right. 30 feet it is. Okay.

It's like those old walkie -talkies we
used to play with when we were kids. You

know, they get a certain distance apart
and they stop working.

So what happens if we're more than 30
feet apart for an extended period of

I don't know, and I don't want to find
out.

Well, if they only work when they're
together, why don't you just wear them

both?

I can help.

Here, let me, let me, I got you. Just go
from the back.

All right, I'm... Ben, Ben, stop, stop,
stop.

Sorry, I'm just trying to help.

Maybe it's a part of the spell, you
know? They're fused together, you can't

it off.

Oh, my...

just keeps getting dumber and dumber.

So what does that mean?

Two things, really.

Number one, we're going to have to find
that woman and figure out what's going

on. And two, we can't be more than 30
feet apart.

I can't believe that this is happening
right now. It's like something out of a

fairy tale, you know? Like two young
lovers separated by death only to be

brought back by magical amulets?

The single greatest day of my life.
Honestly.

Mother.

Get around, put your money down.

We get what we pay for.

We got a way full name.

We got a way full name.

And it don't come free.