All language subtitles for sanford_son_s05e16_greatest_show_in_watts

Slimline Pilsner.

Mine must have brought this home from my
diet.

Half the calories of regular beer.

Great. That means I can have two.

Come in.

Well, if it isn't Mr. Back Rent.

How are you, Mr. Sandford? I'm needy.
Now, look, Sandford Arms is not a

house. I want my money.

Well, that's what I came to see you
about. I'm afraid I don't have it. Well,

afraid you're in trouble.

Well, I tried to get it for you, Mr.
Sandrup, but the circus I worked for

broke. Oh, yeah? Who was it?

Ringling Brothers, Barnum & Bankrup?

Oh, the Orlando Circus. Well, I have
your money for you. I'm going to Kansas

City tomorrow. You're not leaving this
town until I get my back rent now. I

my $160.

Can I leave you something else instead?

Yeah, $170.

Well, look, I was thinking of my circus
equipment.

Equipment? If you don't get my money,
you better start thinking about your

dental equipment.

Don't you second me.

Go ahead.

Why don't you take a look at what I
have? You might find it valuable

Okay, then. Let's take a look at it.

I'll talk to you later on, Esther.

You call this a collateral?

Yeah, sure.

And a collateral is a watch or a ring or
a stereo or a car.

This ain't no car.

The trunk's at the wrong end.

You get a lot of enjoyment out of her.
She does tricks.

Oh, yeah? Tricks? Yeah. Watch this.

That's clever.

Sit.

Sit.

Sit. All the way up.

All the way up. Sit.

Sit.

Sit.

That's all right, but see, I invented
the sit.

I've been sitting since I was one year
old.

Well, you can make money with Missy
while I'm gone, man. Oh, yeah? What am I

going to do? Fill up, fill air, and rent
out as a good year blimp?

Hey,

that's not such a bad idea.

What, me filling up, fill air?

No, you can use it for advertising, like
they do that blimp. You know, you can

write things on it, like on a billboard.

Ah.

Missy the walking billboard.

You got something there.

Yeah, you can charge four or five bucks
a day for that.

Yeah, $15 a day, six days a week.

That'll be, I'll make almost $5 ,000 a
year.

I won't be gone that long, Mr. Sanders.

You never can tell, you know. Jobs are
hard to find nowadays.

$5 ,000 a year.

Make me an advertising executive.

I can get out of the junk business into
the jungle business.

I can see it now.

Sabu and son.

Then it's subtle. You use her for
collateral until I bring you your rent

Don't rush, just as long as you get back
by the tricentennial. Oh, a month, most

of it, Mr. Sanford. You'll treat her
good, won't you? Oh, I'll treat her like

one of the family.

Okay, Mr. Sanford.

What's that?

Oh, she does that when she's happy, Mr.
Sanford. I hope it doesn't disturb the

neighbors. Well, if it does, I'll just
tell them it's the world's famous singer

running over the scales.

Famous singer?

Yeah, uh, Ella Fitzgerald.

He'll be looking beautiful.

Excuse me. Excuse me, Missy. I got to go
answer the telephone. I mean, the

telephone.

I said, I know you're sitting alone in
your room.

Come to the cabaret. I'm coming. Wait a
minute.

Hello. Hello.

Wilson's Tobacco Shop.

Oh, yeah.

You want to walk in billboard for next
Thursday?

Oh, certainly.

Have Missy put a cigar in her mouth and
smoke it.

What?

I thought you'd think it was part of the
junk. Well, the junk doesn't wear green

nail polish, Pop.

Whose elephant is it?

Well, it belongs to Dan.

He left it here as collateral.

Son, we're going to be rich. I'm going
to be a rich man.

I got 11 clients lined up already.

Clients? Yeah, clients. Come on, I'll
show you what I'm talking about.

I think there's an elephant in the yard.
I don't know. Just follow me and I'll

show you what I'm talking about. Look
here.

See, for $50... Move on, move on, Missy.
That a girl.

Look here, son.

$15 a day.

That's not even going to cover your
expenses. Do you know what it costs to

an elephant?

Of course I know what it costs to feed
an elephant.

I've been feeding you all these years,
ain't I, dumbo?

Quincy, City of Los Angeles.

Quincy, Sanford, King of Junk.

What can I do for you?

I'm from the city's zoning department.

What's the problem?

I'm afraid you're in contravention of
the law.

Municipal Ordinance 13398.

No non -domestic animals shall be
maintained within the municipality of

Angeles.

except as part of a circus or other
public entertainment.

You won't be able to keep it here, Mr.
Sanford. This animal is most definitely

non -domestic.

Oh, that's on the outside.

I beg your pardon?

Inside, he's all dog.

What? Dog.

Let me show you that it's a dog.

Move out of the way.

Watch this.

given you exactly three days to remove
this elephant.

Dog. He is not a dog. This is a dog.
Would you believe I am here?

Three days, Mr. Sanford.

Three days.

Sick him. Sick him.

and it serves you right, man. Why don't
you get on the phone and call those

people up and give them their money
back? Just hold on, hold on. Got to be a

loophole here somewhere. Let me see.

No non -domestic animals, municipality,

except as part of a circus.

A circus?

Hello, loophole.

I know what you're thinking. Pop, no.

Pop, yes.

They want a circus?

I'll give them a circus.

I'll give them sawdust.

I'll give them clowns.

I give them the roll of the grease paint
and the smell of elephant.

Pop, would you stop it? Now, we're in
the junk business. We're not in the

business. You know that, and I know
that, but does Quincy know that?

Now, go give me some paint.

For what?

For the new sign I'm making.

Sanford and Tun.

The greatest show on earth.

In what?

Look, you don't know any... about
circuses and I'm not going to let you

this junkyard into a circus.

God, Quincy's gonna fall for this. He
said you had to have a legitimate

not a toy circus.

This'll be a legitimate circus. All I
gotta do is give me a few more acts. I

a lion and elephant.

Hey, where's the elephant?

Bubba's giving him a bath.

Bubba's giving him a bath? Now, listen,
son.

I'm counting on you.

Because I can't open up the circus
without a tightrope walker. Me?

Yeah.

See, I strung the tightrope from the top
of the building over here to the

lamppost. Hop. that rope is at least 30
feet off the ground.

So what? So what? Suppose I fall off of
there and kill myself.

Son, we learn from our mistakes.

All right, I'm going to tell you one
thing right now. Well, I don't care. You

can go ahead with the circus. You can do
anything you want to do. Just leave me

out of it.

Okay, when I start raking in $5 ,000 a
year, I'll leave you out of that, too.

So I had to slip them a couple of bucks
extra.

And then they made me go in there.

Listen, did she enjoy it? Oh, she loved
the wash, Fred.

Yeah. But I tell you, I wasn't too crazy
about that hot spray wax.

Hey, how's the circuit shaping up, Fred?
Oh, it's shaping up fine. Look, here's

the line up. Uh -huh. See? Now, I open
up with the elephant.

Yeah. Then the lion. Uh -huh. And the
clown.

Uh -huh. And you're going to be the
clown. Yeah, good. Yes. And after the

then... We bring on the magnificent...

See,

Bubba, after the line, the freak show.

Watch it, sir.

Wait a minute, Esther, wait a minute.
Bubba, I think you better go somewhere

try to mop up this water because...

There's 5 ,000 votes of ugly coming this
way.

You can say whatever you want to, you
old fish -eyed fool.

Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but names will never hurt me.

Hey, brother, go get me some sticks and
stones.

Oh, shut up.

Now, see, Fred Sample, my church heard
about this circus of yours.

And they sent me here for a donation.

Well, tell them I don't want the
donation and go on back over there with

The Reverend Spike says you should give
a percentage of your profits.

Look, there ain't gonna be any profits,
Esther.

Wait a minute, Bubba. Wait a minute. I
just thought of something.

Don't listen. Yeah, but she said... Will
you shut up, clown?

I need another act.

Oh, okay.

Now, listen, Esther.

I'll give your church 50 % of the
profits.

circus. We do need the money for our new
Sunday school.

What do I have to do? You remember that
act you used to do at the church socials

and stuff?

Oh, you mean when I was the bronze
goddess?

Yeah, can you still do that act?

Yeah, I can do it, but I won't do it for
you, you old heathen.

I'll be doing it for my church. High
glory!

Hey,

Lamar, did you hear that? Esther is
going to join my circus.

Now, if she can do it, so can you. Look,
Pop, I've already told you I'm not

getting up on no tightrope. Now, just
forget about that, okay? I was only

kidding about the tightrope, son. You
know, I love you too much to have

happen to you.

He really means that, too. Of course I
mean that. Now, come on outside, and I'm

going to show you how to climb down into
a cannon.

Come on, Pop.

continuing with the greatest show in
Watts, your ringmaster, Frank G.

Sanford. Thank

you.

Thank you.

Well, Mr. Quincy, how do you like that?
Very talented elephant, Mr. Sanford.

I'll tell her you said so.

She'll never forget you.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,
continuing on with...

the greatest show of what?

We'd like to introduce our premier
attraction in our center ring right

You only got one ring.

You're wrong, mister.

I got this ring out here and this one on
my finger and I'll shove down your

throat if you say anything else or I'll
try to put my shoulder on. Mr. Sanford,

please. I haven't got that much time.

Well, don't get in the way next time,
yeah?

Ladies and gentlemen, here she is, the
premier attraction of Sanford and Sons,

the...

The honest lift in one.

Thank you, Bronze.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, it is
time to continue Saturday Sun's greatest

show of what?

By introducing the clowns. Where are
you, clowns?

We're here, Frank.

Come on out.

I think we got this Mr. Fancy ready now.

Yeah? Yeah, see, we'll give him another
act. See, we'll do that act where, uh,

come here.

I throw the water, and you throw the
confetti into the ground. Yeah, yeah,

Okay.

Mr. Clown!

Yeah, Mr. Ringmaster!

Oh, look!

What? On the floor, there's a dollar
bill!

What? What?

She's sorry. Please sit down. I mean, I
beg your pardon.

We'd like to continue on, ladies and
gentlemen, by introducing the most

magnificent, the most unusual, direct
from two weeks at Muscle Beach.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, just a
few vital statistics.

Don't worry about it.

It's phony.

Just lift it. You sure?

Lift it. All right.

Okay, we'll eliminate the preliminaries
and get right on down to the main thing.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, San
Francisco's greatest circus of watchers

give you strongholds doing something
that's never been done by a human being

the world, ever.

Wait a minute. He will lift something no
man has ever attempted.

Wait a minute. If I'm going to lift
something, I want to know what it is.

I'll let you know what it is. Hey,
Bubba, bring in the elephant.

That's it.

I can't listen. You want a strong man?
You be the strong man. Here.

I'm not going to look at you.

Mr. Sandler, I really must be going.

I've enjoyed it tremendously, but I...
You've enjoyed what?

Your circus, of course.

You mean to tell me that this actually
qualifies as a legitimate circus?

Well, the bylaws didn't say it'd have to
be a great circus, Lamont, as long as

your father is entertaining it.

Hey, who are you?

It's me, Dad.

I got a job, true to my thought. Here's
your written money, $160.

How about that?

Pop, it's all over, man. He's back for
his elephant. Hey, well, it's got to be

his elephant. He got a pig's lip? Look,
your elephant's around back there, and

I'm glad you got a job, man. Thanks,
Lamont.

Hey, don't feel sad, Pop. At least you
got your $160 back.

What is $160 when I'm getting ready to
make millions?

Who cares about your millions, sucker?

I hope this is the last time something
like this happens. It is, son. And that

was a dumb idea about a walking
billboard.

I should have took your advice.

We got to talk more so we get to know
each other. Well, I'd be glad to do it.

could do that. Sure, we could take a
walk sometime and talk some and then

little more and then talk a little more
and we really know each other. That's

okay by me. Let's do that.

Okay.

It's kind of chilly, so you better put
your jacket on.

Is there any place in particular you
want to walk?

Yeah. What do you say we walk somewhere
around El Segundo?

Okay by me. Come on, sir.

Sure.