All language subtitles for sanford_son_s05e14_the_oddfather

Lamont?

Lamont? Lamont?

Lamont? Hey, Lamont!

Where is he? I don't know.

Officer Smith, if he's in this mess,
we're never going to find him.

What's happening?

What's going on here?

Hi, Donna. Do you know where Lamont is?

Why, yes. He went to Bakersfield to pick
up some refrigerators. Why? Can he be

reached? Well, I don't know. I think he
said he was going to sleep in the truck

tonight. What's the matter?

Well, uh, I'm afraid we got some bad
news for you. Oh, hold it, Smitty. Uh,

don't want to, uh, we don't want to
upset the lady. Uh, you better sit down.

What is it? Please, uh, sit down.

I don't want to sit down.

Well, then, would you mind if I would?
I'm really had a rough day.

What is happening? Please tell me.

Don't be worried and don't be
frightened, Donna. He's gonna be all

Who? Fred, but don't worry about it.
Yeah, you see, he was only run over by

gangsters and given two days to live.
It's nothing.

Fred was run over by some gangsters?

Well, only his toe.

He's all right. He's in the hospital.

Oh, well, what's all this about being
given two days to live?

He witnessed a murder by Mr. Big.

He's the only man ever to see Mr. Big
actually pull the trigger, and the mob

threatened to kill him if he testifies.

Well, he just won't testify.

It's that simple.

Well, there's a $25 ,000 reward if he
does.

That's not so simple.

Let's go.

All right.

This is worse than basic training.

Oh, Bert, I better get back inside.

Okay, Bill.

I don't know. What did the nurse say?
Three -oh -something. I don't know. The

hole right there. Freeze.

It's okay, Sergeant. We're police
officers.

How do I know that?

Anyone can acquire a uniform and say
he's a police officer.

Turn around, turn around. Get your hands
off the floor.

Drop your IDs on the floor.

My gosh, he is good. I mean, I just love
that. I mean, it's so real.

I mean, this could be a movie, Sergeant.
Oh, can I see that now?

Hey, Spitty, Hoppy. Hello, Bill. Hey,
Bert, they're all right.

Please, may I see? Hey, who is she?

Oh, this is Donna Harris. She's the
fiance of the doomed man.

You have a great fiancé, Miss Harris.

Can I see him? Is he all right?

Well, his foot hurts a little, but it'll
be all right.

Is Fred in there all by himself? Don't
worry.

We gave him a whistle.

If he gets in trouble, he blows it and
we'll be in there in a second.

Sergeant, how's he bearing up? He's a
trooper, a real trooper, a brave man,

Sanford. The stuff heroes are made of.
Can I go in now, please? Yes, of course.

Well, if you're really Donna, then say
something that only Donna would know.

make sure that it's something that I
would know Donna would know.

Hmm.

All right.

Every time I come over to the house and
you're alone, you always... Donna,

Donna! Oh, honey.

Oh, hey. Keep an eye on her for me.

Oh, Donna, that's you, darling.

Listen, what are you fellas bothering
you for?

Hey, give me more fruit. More fruit.

And next time, get some nectarine,
because they're in season two. You

And listen, would you be kind enough to
leave me alone here with my fiancée?

Okay, out. Let's go, out. Yeah, yeah,
out, out.

All y 'all, out.

Fred, does your toe hurt much?

Enough.

Enough? Enough for what?

Enough for me to live here as long as I
want to and be waiting on hand and toe

by the LAPD and get all I want to eat
and have that big colored TV up on the

wall.

be a target for every higher killer in
the country.

Don't worry, Donna. Nothing could happen
to me. Can't you see? I got half the

police force watching me.

the tree until it blew up in this room.
I want you to send a man to every food

store in this precinct, bring me back
names, bring me back addresses, bring me

back phone numbers. Right. And bring me
back some nectarines.

Very sorry for that, Mr. Sanford.
Listen, uh, uh, listen, what about my

shaver? Hopkins?

Yes, Sergeant.

Get this man an electric shaver. Right.

Uh, could you leave me with my fiance
now?

Yes, sir. Out.

Yeah, out.

Hey, hey, hey, Donald.

When Lamont gets back from... you're
going to be rich.

Fred, now what are you talking about?

Look here.

Did you see the newspaper today? No.

Look here. There's a $25 ,000 reward for
anyone giving information that leads to

the arrest and conviction of one Daniel
Tracy, also known as Mr. B.

Now, all of a sudden, I've become
anyone.

You are about to become that one.

Donna, that's ridiculous.

Now, Fred, now how did you get involved
in all this? this anyway well let me

tell you i was going through my regular
hard day's work and i was coming out the

movie and this car came zooming around
the corner

and this big fat guy leaned out the
window had earring in his ear and he

this little skinny fella was standing
there had popcorn in his teeth fred you

were standing that close that's right

How can this city let hootlums like that
run around the street free?

Killing and shooting with no regard for
human life.

Oh, I can't stand it. It's wrong.

Hey,

listen.

Pardon me, fellas. Can I talk to my
fiancée in private now?

Certainly, Mr. Taylor.

Al, put your pistol back.

See, Donna, I got it made.

When the mob comes back, I tell them to
get married.

and after he gets married, just spend a
full life and just bring the

grandchildren by to see me every Sunday.

Fred, you can't spend the rest of your
life in a bed.

Hello, Mr. Stanford.

Why not?

Gloria, Angel of Mercy, meet Donna.

Donna Gloria.

Hello. Hello.

Are you comfy and cozy?

Yes, I'm comfy, and this is my friend
Cozy.

And as soon as you leave the room, cozy
here, you'll come a little closer and

make comfy a little more comfier.

Oh, Mr.

Stanford, you are the one.

I am the one. I am the one.

That's wonderful.

She's kind of cute, isn't she?

She just started this afternoon, and she
took the other girl's papers on

earlier. Why did she take somebody
else's plane?

Don't ask me why. How should I know?

What's the matter?

Go away, you son of a bitch!

That nurse who was just in here, she
left a time

bomb under Mr. Sanford's pillow.

Sounds like a tooth fairy gone bad.

No, she was in earlier.

She just reported to work on an earlier
shift, and I theorized she was all

right. You theorized?

You theorized? I'm sorry.

You theorized?

You theorized?

What else can we tell you, Fred? Tell me
what theorized means.

Assume.

Assume. Assume.

Well, uh, Mr. Sanford, according to
Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, assumed

means... I know what assumed means.

Y 'all just go on back out there and be
a little bit more careful, will you?

Will you do that? And oh my gosh. What?

My pocket transistor radio. You must
have thrown it out with the time bomb,

Donna. Bill?

Yes. I'll pick one up right away.

Gentlemen, might I be alone with my
fiancé?

Okay, let's go. Right.

Fred, you are ripping off this city for
a fortune.

No, I'm not.

I'm only getting what's coming to me.
After all, I'm handing in Mr. Big on a

silver platter. Yeah, if you live that
long.

Oh, I'll make it, Donna. And Lamont will
have everything that he wants. And then

you'll have reason to be proud of me.

And all of you will be proud of me
because I finally did something to make

proud. And I risked my life for the sake
of justice.

Justice? You mean for the $25 ,000, not
justice?

Just as good.

something, Fred Sanders. Now, please
don't lecture me, Donna. I'm left in a

hospital with a busted big toe, being
chased by gangsters, and I ain't had my

nectarines. I'm not going to tell you,
Fred.

I'm going to tell you I am proud of you.

Really proud.

Oh, not because you're risking your life
for your son, or for the money, or even

for justice.

I am proud of you because you are what
you are.

A very, very brave man.

Out!

This is your idea of protection?

This is your idea of taking care of Mr.
Sanford?

Look at this room.

Bullets, bombs, explosions.

It's all right, honey.

I've calmed down now.

It's not all right, Fred.

It is.

Come on.

Now...

Will you please tell them that you don't
know who shot that poor man with the

popcorn in his teeth, and that you're
not going to testify, and then you won't

need protection, and they'll leave you
alone.

But I am going to testify, and I'm going
to get that $25 ,000, and I'd

appreciate it very much if you gentlemen
would take better care of my life.

We're awfully sorry, Mr. Stanford. We'll
call headquarters, double the guard,

and make sure no one slips by us. Make
sure no one stands near that window and

keep the drapes closed.

Right, Sergeant.

And won the love of every man in the
world who can see that.

Fred Simon, I came here feeling sorry
for you because you were attacked by

criminals. I remember how scared I was
when they robbed my store.

But at least they didn't run over my
toe.

I can see that.

Because I'm here on behalf of my church.

And I cannot be hurt.

Well, then I apologize for insulting
you.

Oh, Fred, do you really mean that?

Of course I do, darling.

Darling?

Would you do me a favor, sweetheart?

Of course, dear. What is it? Well, it's
a little stuffy in here. Would you mind

pulling them drapes back and opening the
windows?

Would you all excuse us, please?

I'd like to speak to Fred and Esther
alone.

No, certainly.

She's all right, Bill. And, Sergeant, I
can vouch for this woman.

We'll be in the hallway, Fred. All
right. Listen, any of y 'all going

Why, Mr. Stafford? About time for my
roast beef sandwich.

All right.

All right, Esther. Now, what's all this
business about the church?

I just want to know how much of the $25
,000 Fred's going to donate to the

church, praise the Lord.

He's not going to testify, Esther.

So he won't be getting any money. Is
that right, Fred?

No, that's not right.

I'm going to testify, and I'm going to
get that $25 ,000, and I'm going to put

most of it in a trust fund for my son
Lamar. And I'm going to spend the other

$23 ,000 on yours truly.

Fred Sanford, you may be able to turn a
deafie on me, and you may be able to

turn a deafie on the church, but you
will never be able to turn a deafie

It's just unfortunate I only got two
ears, and I wish they were long enough

cover up my eyes so I wouldn't have to
look at your ugly face.

Why, you old heathen, you...

Shoot her!

Shoot her!

Shoot her!

How about Mr.

Sanford sees your sister -in -law?

That don't make no difference.

Her face is wanted in three topness.

Police Commissioner, I want to tell you
that every man on the force is proud of

you. Well, I felt it was my duty,
Commissioner.

May I quote you with saying that on the
air, Mr. Sanford?

Why, sure.

I feel the two go hand in hand.

Oh, which two?

His money and my duty.

See, his money is number one, and my
duty is number two.

Mr. Sanford, in a couple of hours, I'm
going to bring Daniel Tracy in through

this door.

All you have to do is identify him, and
we'll protect you until after the trial.

Oh, by the way,

Here are your nectarines.

Would you mind taking the pits out?

Mr. Sanford, what do you intend to do
with the money once you get it?

Well, I intend to give the money to the
Fred Sanford Foundation for 100

selective charities.

Oh, really? What are some of those
charities?

Well, one of them is for an old man with
a young son, 34 years old, whose mother

died at an early age.

And he was supposed to live and watch
and drive a red truck.

There are a lot of those?

You'd be amazed.

Hello, Fred.

Donna.

Hi. Hi.

Oh, it's wonderful.

Donna Harris, meet Commissioner Daly.
How do you do, sir? Miss Harris.

And here's Mr. Martinson from the 430
News.

Hello. How do you do? Fred, here's your
mail.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Get rail cards from all of my friends.

You just go ahead and testify.

Good conquers evil, and right makes
might.

Nothing will happen to you.

T .S., can I have your color TV after
they rub you out?

That old dumb grading.

Let me see that. Yeah, take it. And
check it for fingerprints.

What's this one?

This.

What did you say? Nothing at all. I
mean, nothing.

Oh, it's not a nothing.

It's a something. Let me see. No, it's
nothing. Fred, I can see it in your

Listen, I said it's nothing, and you
can't see something in my face, and I

don't argue about it. Now, just leave me
alone.

And all y 'all, just leave me alone.
Just go on out. Miss Martin, come on.

Out, please, Donna. Just leave me alone.

Please, please.

Dear hero, this is your final warning.

If you don't want your son and
girlfriend hurt, forget you saw

then forget everything else, or your
company will be Sanford and nobody.

Remember, forget it.

I got to forget it. I got to forget
everything.

I got to forget everything I saw.

What did I just say?

I forgot.

Stand by, please.

Action.

Good afternoon.

Don Martinson in the 430 News.

I'm standing in the very well -guarded
hospital room of Fred Sanford, the man

who saw Daniel Tracy allegedly shoot
Johnny Popcorn two days ago.

In a few minutes, the police
commissioner will bring in Mr. Tracy for

Sanford to identify.

Well, Mr. Sanford, how do you feel?

I don't remember.

You don't remember how you feel?

Where am I?

Where is this?

What am I doing here?

Why was I born?

Why am I living?

Do you remember seeing a bird this week?

Week?

What's week?

What's the matter with him? The poor
man's mind is gone.

Now he doesn't have a mind.

personality. Well, maybe seeing Daniel
Tracy will stir up a memory.

Commissioner, ladies and gentlemen, this
is Police Commissioner Daly, and the

man with him is Mr. Big, Daniel Tracy,
owner of Tracy's Toyland and Massage

Parlor in El Segundo.

Let's watch.

Mr. Sanford?

Oh, yes, how is he?

What I'm about to ask you is very
important.

Now, your identification can have a big
effect on the future security of the

people of this city.

Do you recognize this man?

Man?

What man?

This man?

Uh, hello, man.

Mr. Sanford, this is Daniel Tracy, a .k
.a. Mr.

Big. Now, you said that you saw him
attempt a murder.

Murder? A murder?

Let me flush my murder and go get some
rest.

Hey, Commissioner, can I go? You're
wasting my time. No, he's holding back.

faking. No, he's not, Commissioner.

The poor man is obviously sick.

Looks like he's got amnesia to me.

Yeah, that's what it is.

Amnesia. I don't remember.

I don't remember your name, his name, or
my name.

Now, listen, Danny, leave out of here
and take Mr.

Tracy with you. Mr. David, it sounds
like your memory is coming back.

Will all of y 'all get out of here now?

Leave him alone.

Can't you see the man is petrified?

Yeah. Get out of here, darling.

Darling. Darling.

Get on this horse you brought in here
right away.

Why, Fred Sampson, you old... That's
him.

That's him.

That's who?

The man who robbed our store three years
ago and wounded my husband Woodrow.

That's him.

Would you swear to that...

Use money.

Lady, you just made yourself $25 ,000.

No, praise the Lord. My church just made
itself $25 ,000.

But, Commissioner, isn't she in danger
now?

From what? The mob wouldn't dare touch
her now. She just made a statement on

national television holding a Bible. She
is safe, Miss Harris.

Wait a minute. It's all coming back to
me clearly now.

She beat you to it. All right, get him
out of here.

Listen, he did it. Good day. Would you
come with me, ma 'am, please? Wait a

minute. Big fat guy. He's not with you,
right?

Wait a minute.

Well, that's it from the 430 News in a
hospital room in Los Angeles.

Back to you, Jim. No, back to nobody.

Give me $100, and I'll tell you who it
was that did it. Good day.

Identify him. See, I was outside the
movie when this car came. Fred.

Donna, give me a dollar. I'll tell you
who did it.

What are you doing?

No, that's my letter. Give me my letter.

Dear hero, this is your final warning.

So that's what happened.

Oh, Fred, you were willing to risk your
own life for the $25 ,000, but you

wouldn't risk mine.

Well... Fred, you're wonderful.

You're so special.

You threw away the $25 ,000 and didn't
even tell me why.

I got a lot to be thankful for, Donna.

I mean, I got me a radio, and I got me
an electric shaver. I get all I want to

eat. That's right.

I got a cult television.

And you got a lot to be thankful for,
too.

Why? That the reward wasn't $50 ,000.

That you wouldn't have.

I'd like to think I wouldn't have.

He said you'll be out of here in a
couple of days.

Oh, he did?

Well, maybe I'll just stretch it out a
little bit. Listen, everything is free,

ain't it?

It's not free.

When you refused to testify, you gave up
the right to charge the city for

everything. Well, let's get on out of
here.

Oh, no.

Fred, I don't think you're healed
properly.

No, I'll be all right.

Hand me my shoes over there.

Let's get on out of here.

Here.

Well, all right.

Come on.

Get on out of here. Get my toes down
here. Down the hall.