All language subtitles for The.Thick.Of.It.S02e01.1080p.Web.H264-Poppycock_track3_[eng]

Terri, is...?
Oh, hello, Robyn.
Where's Terri? Is she not...

Morning, Mr Lover-Loverman.

Does nobody else
ever shag anybody else
in Westminster?

- Is that why...
- Hey, Horatio!

- How's it hanging?
- It's hanging fine.

- Sleeping with
the opposition!
- Not all of them.

(Glenn) What do they do?
Do they keep a tight hold on
the fiscal erm...

Scrotum? What? What?

Shagging the opposition!
Never would have
happened in my day.

She's not my opposite number.

Levitt has gone
to shadow Defence,
so she's doing shadow Defence.

So she's no longer
Social Affairs, so...

Did you manage to do some good
and steal a few policy papers?

It's hard to know why you're
so unsuccessful
with the opposite sex.

I never fucked Terri.

- Oh, Terri. Did you not know?
- No.

- Malcolm's erm...
- Malcolm's what?

- Binned her. She's gone.
- You're jo...

Morning, studmuffin.
Enjoy your walk
on the wild side?

How was your dip
in the wild blue...pussy?

How do you know?

You're the most uninformed...

Everyone knows.
My milkman knows.

Hugh, I have some
wonderful news for you.
Terri's gone.

- What?
- Terri. Terri's gone.

- What do you mean gone?
- A resignation
bluff went awry.

No! Yes!

Oh, result!

Whoo, whoo, all right!

Come on! High five!

Secretary of State,
just to let you know,

Terri's father's had a stroke.

It's pretty serious,
so she's going to be
gone quite a while.

I... Oh, dear, that's awful.
I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry, I was
just shitting you. It was
just an early morning joke.

I was that close to buying
the champagne
and Ritz crackers.

Sorry, it was just a stupid...
He made a joke.

Should I send her a card?

Yeah, of course.
That would be appropriate.

Do you want to give me £8?

- Yeah... Erm...
- I was kidding.

It's a joke!

- Oh, right.
- It was a joke.

- Erm...
- OK.

- That's Robyn.
Robyn Murdoch, isn't it?
- That's Robyn Murdoch?

- I thought Robyn
Murdoch was a bloke.
- No. That's...

I always thought that
was Robyn Murdoch's secretary,

- someone whose
name I didn't know.
- No, that's Robyn.

Turns out I did know
her name, after all.

But I had it attached
to someone unknown's face.

She'll be much easier
to cut out of the loop with
the factory visit.

Can we send a revised
biography, not that photo
with that moustache?

I look like
a disgraced geography teacher.

I can't help you
with that, Hugh.

I've been seconded.
I'm off for the week.

We beg to fucking differ.
Where are you going?

Number Ten.
I got the call from Malcolm
at six this morning.

If it's all right with you,
which he said
obviously it would be.

Oh,
well, obviously it is, then.

They only want him
to make cappuccinos.

He does it very well.
It's the way
you waggle your finger in it.

Yeah, you think
it's my finger, bitch.

- Where's Neil?
- Leicester, poor fucker.

You'd think once you'd
achieved a certain status,
you'd be excused.

- Have you seen
the whips' numbers?
- NOMFP.

- Eh?
- N-O-M-F-P.
Not my fucking problem.

Do you like that?
I'll use that
quite a lot today.

Oh, well done with
Fatty's profile. Very good.

I nearly liked the
enormous fucker, reading it.

What if the MOD
breaks tonight?

What I'm hearing is
the overspend's getting more
brutal by the hour.

They're talking
about topping off
at one and a half billion.

That's a lot of nurses.

Or one fantastically
enormous robotic one.

Obviously.

- And how's the minister?
- He's shitting himself.

He's practically kissing
his driver goodbye.

He said he felt like he was

"in the Twin Towers on 9/11,
just fucking waiting."

Oh, for fuck's sake!
But everybody
knows their lines?

- IT projects
always overspend.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Do you think you could manage
to get me a decent cup of tea?

Thank you.
Try not to drip in it.

I tell you, the thing that's
worrying me is er..
is this dodgy?

I don't know. The kid's firm
was the second lowest bid.

He says they never talked.
What does it matter?

I'm a man of principle.

I like to know whether
I'm lying to save
a tosser or a moron.

Probably a moron.

Is this yours? Is this new?

Yeah. I thought
I'd get it for Number Ten.

- Has it got a camera on it?
- Yeah. It's on the back.

Happy slap him. Go on.

How do you know about
happy slapping? How do you
begin to know about...

Hang on, I missed it.
Will you do it again?

That's assault.
Get off, will you?

It's all right,
we can doctor
the crime figures.

I really like this.

I'll punch you in
your substantial gut.

Fucking hell, Robyn!
You little fucker!

- I've got it.
Look, look. (Guffaws)
- It's very good.

We should take one of us,
so he's got
something to remember us by.

At the end of the week
you'll be head of
the policy unit.

- You'll both be out.
- Giving head to
the policy unit.

Can we do the prep
for the factory visit now?

Yeah.

We're going to get
there at about 12:30.

Forgot the erm...

- Stupid boy.
- That was funny.

That was funny?
I don't think it was funny.

I'm an elected representative
of the people. It was funny.

(Hand banging desk) Sam!

Sam, a coffee and
a fucking skinny muffin.

What the fuck
are you doing here?

I thought you said today,
Malcolm.

- I mean what are
you doing there?
- Sorry.

I didn't want to interrupt.
I never know
what you're doing.

If the PM's
giving me a blow job,
I always put a sign up.

You're the kind of
guy we need in here.

You are the proverbial
bright spark, eh?

Horace?

- Horace?
- What's all that stuff?

My social policy pitch stuff
and some funding structures
that I've worked up.

Is that right that you shagged
that shadow Defence bird?

- Not exactly.
It's complicated...
- Hey, Jamie, this is Olly.

What? The Olly? The "Stuck One
Up The Opposition For Us"
Olly?

Good fucking man!
Good to meet you.

This is Jamie.
He'll be looking after you.

Another Scot.

Does everyone have to be
in the Caledonian
mafia to work here?

This is Olly. He's the guy
that fucked
the opposition for us.

(Cheering)

Quite an introduction.

Just nod when
the big fucker talks,
but do whatever I say, OK?

Actually,
it's the other way around.

Jamie's going to put you
in touch with Paul.

Paul vets the stuff
that we input into the attack.

Technically,
you shouldn't be
doing this here,

but the mainframe's
not here, right?

- So technically, you're not.
- Sorry, stuff about Emma?

- About Emma.
- Oh.

Hey, Olly, I know that
you're dead brainy. But look.

I've got brains coming out
of my fucking arse.

And what I need is
political intelligence, yeah?

I just feel a bit awkward,
you know. I mean...

Aw! It's make-your-mind-up
time, Olly. I mean,
what do you want to be?

Do you want to be a prick
that works here for a year

and then joins a think tank

to write,
"On the one hand this,
on the other hand that"?

Or do you want to be
a soldier?

Have you got your eyes
on the prize?

- I've got my
eyes on the prize.
- Good.

- Yeah, but what is the prize?
- I don't know.
Ask the brain guys.

But I'll settle for
keeping us in government

instead of
the wankers you're shagging.

This roll in the hay,

have you got something that'll
keep us working for a morning?

Or is this
an ongoing shagging scenario?

I think I've got
one pretty
satisfied customer there.

Do you know about
what's kicking off at Defence,

Geoff Holhurst and
his son Christian?

Yeah,
80 - 90% of it, I would say.

Want me to drag Holhurst in,
see if there's anything else?

Get the minister in.

Olly, see anything,
anything on Defence, OK?

Anything that
gives us another angle.

I mean, just ask her,
look around the house,
find something.

- OK.
- I'll see you.
Have a good day.

- You can have this desk.
It's free.
- OK.

She won't be coming back.
Give me a shout if you
need anything, OK?

Listen,
don't touch the keyboard.

Bob'll go fucking nuts.
Just use your
laptop if you've got one.

So I've been given
a desk in Number Ten...

- to ring my girlfriend?
- Yeah,
that's about the size of it.

Shagging your way to the top,
then, is it?

Yes, well, I'm not Scottish,
so I've got to get in somehow,
haven't I?

There'll
definitely be a regional
news team filming our arrival,

plus four local papers.

- Regional?
- No nationals?

Well, this is very much
a regional event.

You know,
I didn't think that...

Robyn,
all events are regional, hmm?

Everything that happens in the
world has to happen somewhere.
Do you see?

Even JFK's assassination
was a regional event.

But it was also
very important. Hmm?

- Well, yes...
- Like this factory visit?

You see that?

No national papers?

- No...national...papers.
- Right.

Not one national paper.

- No?
- No.

How is that possible?

How long are we
supposed to hang around?

I promise, 20 minutes.

- We're
scheduled for two hours.
- Yeah, well...

- Who's going to
do the...thing?
- What thing?

We do a thing with Terri
where I give her a signal,
you know.

And she makes up
some sort of excuse
about how we... you know.

A change in arrangements
and we've got to go?

Yeah. Cabinet emergency...

- You know about that, do you?
- Yep, yep. Absolutely.

Yep. I do.

Hi. Hi, Emma.
I just wanted to know what...

- Can I just
borrow your seat here?
- Thanks, Jamie.

I think I really
like you, and erm...

(Retching)

And...if
something feels right,
you know...

- Hi, Geoff.
- Ah, the man himself!

How are you?

(Olly) What?
Have they been after you
for stuff about me?

Your fucking whips?

These people!
Have they got no decency?

Speaking of which,
have you heard any of this
MOD stuff that's going about?

How much fucking shit is there
on the menu, and what
fucking flavour is it?

Malcolm? No, no.
I'm in a Scottish restaurant.

Some man's complaining
they've
underfried his Mars Bar.

Of course it's Malcolm.

Well,
Malcolm's all sound major.
That's him every day.

It's like this
furnace of shit.
It's not good for my system.

Christian's firm put in
the second lowest tender.
That's point one.

Do you fancy meeting up?
Maybe tomorrow night?

You're worse than dead meat.
You're too toxic to even
feed to the vultures.

I asked you out last night
because I really like you and,
you know...

(Malcolm) You're a good guy,

but you've got to face
the reality of this situation.

OK, all right. Bye.

If I've got to go, I go.

(Glenn) Well,
here we are, Hugh.

Christ!

- (Man) There we go now.
- Hello.

Thank you very much.
Nice to meet you.

Are these some
of the employees?
May I say hello?

Hello. Hello, Hugh Abbot,
nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. Hello.

Do you know what it's like
to clean up your
own mother's piss?

I'm sorry?

Do you? She was
in that home for 16 weeks.

Do you know what it's like
to clean up your
own mother's piss?

That's...
That's very tough, isn't it?

That's very,
very tough, and our hearts,
all our hearts, go out to you.

Do you know what it's like
to get down and clean up your
own mother's piss?

I'm not the right person
to talk to about this.

Who do I talk to?

Urinary and affairs like that
are more Health.

So anyway,
lovely to talk to you.

What a fantastic...
What fantastic landscaping!

I think it makes
an enormous difference

to the workplace when
you have this relationship...

- But is that your answer?
- Erm...

Can I just say, we'll get
someone to note your case

and do what we can about it.

You'll get
someone to note my case?
Nobody's noted my case!

Stop it! Don't touch me!
What are you touching me for?

You don't know me.
You don't even want
to know me, do you?

I would like to
get to know you.
I've just...

Why are you walking
away from me, then?

Would you
like to know the facts?

The minister
would love to know.

There are two qualified nurses
out of all those
care assistants.

- Give her a smile.
- The rest are only kids.

What are you smiling at?
Do you think it's funny?

Do you think my
mother's piss is funny?

Well, it's not funny.
She's not laughing.
She's pissing herself!

I'm not laughing, I'm crying!

- Glenn,
is she still saying it?
- Oh, God, yes.

Would you please
give me a moment?

Yes, she's banging
on about it even now.

The trouble is,
Hugh, they reckon
they've got some great shots.

- Great shots?
- Don't panic.

..because it's disgusting!
You cannot treat
people like this!

Can you please shut up
for one fucking minute?

I'm asking nicely. Please!

Hugh,
I'm going to have to hang up.

Did you enjoy that?
Did you enjoy that?

I apologise.
I am giving you a number.

Your dad told us
that he didn't know
you worked for the company.

You never told him.

Olly Reeder.

Erm... Sorry, who is this?

Obviously, he knew, but...

No, I've never cleaned up
my own mother's piss.

Sorry, what...? Who are you?

You do talk to your dad?

- Well, how did you get...
- No, you fucking don't!

Stop going on about
your mother's piss?

Wrong answer!
The wrong fucking answer!

Please don't be aggressive.
I will call back.

You tell your
corporate affairs people.

Otherwise I'm going
to fucking maim every single
fucking one of them. OK?

Good to see you. All right?

Well done, Christian.

I think he's one of these
fucking Poxbridge types.
Won't play dumb.

He can dumb up for us.

- Malcolm?
- Walk and talk.

- It's Hugh.
- What is it?

A woman hit him
with a question and it's going
to look bad on the news.

Look, NOMFP, OK? NOMFP.

Wait, wait.
Dig some stuff up
on the woman, OK?

OK.

Actually, no. I'm on my way
to ITN now. I'm going to
sweet-talk Pam Morrison,

but I could fucking
kick the shit
out of Mark Davies.

Yeah.

That's what I'll do.
That's a good idea.

OK.

It'd be therapeutic,
a bit of shouting.

Yeah.

A bit of fucking
ying and yang. Spiritual.

- Yeah, brilliant.
- Do it to
somebody in there, right?

How's it going with
the missus? What have you got
on the opposition angle?

Erm...
Which one? On the erm...?

What the fuck do you think?
The fucking
Tweenies tour dates?

- The MOD IT overspend.
- Well, I'm
erm...tickling a few trout.

- You're tickling trout?
- Yeah, you know...tickling.

Just seeing if I can...

What does that mean?

We're going for
a drink tomorrow night.

The vote's tonight.
Rearrange it.

- What if she's busy?
- Whoa, whoa!

NOMFP.
Just tickle the old trout
and make it happen.

Hi, Emma. I've messed up.
Tomorrow night I'm
actually not free.

I've got a squash
game with Dan Miller.

No, obviously more important
than a squash game.

Could we rearrange
tomorrow for tonight?

Film's fine.
I have seen
the original Solaris.

I'd love to see it again.
It's a classic.
It is a classic.

I'll see you later...babe.

All right, yeah, bye.

Thanks, honey bunny.

Right, I've got a job for you.

- This is brilliant.
I love these pipes.
- Ah, Hugh?

- Can you excuse
me for a second?
- Olly. I've got him for you.

Thank you.

Can he stop it?

I've managed to persuade him
to go over and
have a word at ITN.

Well done.
My man on the inside.

How does he do that?
It's spooky.

He's like voodoo,
he's like a bad Gandalf. So...

Yeah,
there's something else big
that might be breaking.

Breaking? What's breaking?

Geoff Holhurst is up
to his neck in shit
over his son's IT firm

getting
the tender for a system
that's gone two billion over.

They're bricking themselves
that Sunita Anwar's
going to leak it.

Bad day for Geoff, eh?

- Very bad day for Geoff.
- I'm bumped off the news?

Right,
and this at least means...

Glenn, Glenn!
Geoff's up to his tits.

This is good news for me,
right?

You would
certainly have thought so.

- Glenn, talk to Olly.
Congratulate him.
- Oh, right.

What a great place.
I love this bloody factory.

- I know this fucking...
- Before you go on,

thanks very much
for the piss woman.

Brilliant, she was.
Yeah, more of those.

Listen, don't tell me any more
because I won't be
able to take it in.

But I will pass on
what you said to the PM
because he loves detail.

Right, so, Robyn...

Erm, Secretary of State,
I'm sorry,

but there's been
a change of plan
and we have to go.

- I'm terribly sorry.
- Oh, no!

- We have to go.
- That's very disappointing.

- It's the Cabinet.
- I'm so sorry.

- Why do we have to go?
- Erm...

Important, is it?

Yeah? That's really a shame.
I was hoping we could
stay and have lunch.

- Yes, of course.
- I was quite
looking forward to that.

Well, we can. No, we can.

We can stay for lunch
if you'd like to. I just...

What?

No, I thought you
were doing the thing.
We can stay for lunch.

- I thought you
said it was important.
- No. No, no.

No,
it's really fine, honestly.

I can make any phone calls
that we need to from here.

Great. OK, fine.

We've only been here
20 minutes, so it would be a
shame to go now, wouldn't it?

Mark?
Hi, Mark Davies? Malcolm.
We've spoken on the phone.

Mind if I pop in?
I was in seeing Pam

and everyone started
talking about the Hugh thing.

Yes.

..what it's like
to clean up your
own mother's piss?

Look at his face!

Do you see
what I have to work with?

He doesn't look great,
does he?

Who do I talk to?

- Are you going to use that?
- Don't touch that.

This isn't in the package,
is it, Mark?

You're not using that.
You can't use that.

This is dumbing
down of the news agenda

that people like me
and your boss's boss
really object to.

I'm going to
mention this to him
when I see him on Friday.

Malcolm,
this is a traditional,
old-fashioned news story,

called "Minister looks a tit".

Hey, everybody
looks a tit, you know.

Take two of these shots
of him looking moronic out.

Leave a couple in of him
looking a little bit dim,

put one of him composed.

Drop it down the order,
we've got a deal.

I'm not...
Deal? What deal, Malcolm?

He looks a tit, that's it.
I'm sorry.

But there is a difference
between allowing someone's
natural tittishness

to come through and
just exploiting it
through camera work here.

You're sticking one
tit moment on top of another.

That wouldn't happen
in real life. And do you know
about that woman?

Have you made any enquiries
into
the background of that woman?

I'm sure my
researchers have, yes.

Have they?
Well, I don't think they have.

Just excuse me a second.

- Malcolm.
- Anything on the woman?

I've got Frankie up there now,
rooting through the bins.

Hang on a second.

- Have you got anything?
- Nothing.

Bloody chips,
Daily Mail,bin stuff.

Nothing,
Malcolm, just bin stuff.

BNP, Mark.

She's standing for the British
National Party.
Stamford Bridge.

- For fuck's sake!
- Very straightforward.

Basic stuff, Mark.
Do your research.

Standing for
the British National Party.

All right,
what do you want, Malcolm?

Two little bits of tit.
Two titties.

(Mobile ringing)

Jesus...Christ!

Will it hit the One?
No, I know what time it is.
I can see what time it is!

Make sure they don't get it.

The story is not the story.
Sunita has
spilled the overspend.

Nobody's got
the corruption angle. The BBC
might not even run with it.

Try to fuck up the numbers,
right?

Hit the phones.
Everyone on the phones.
What we do is over-complicate.

Stats, percentages,
international comparison,
information.

E-mail them fucking
wads of information.

Tell them to get
their heads around it
before they put pen to paper,

or I'll be up their arses
like a fucking
Biafran ferret, right?

Come on, unleash hell!

So I give her the sign and we
end up staying for lunch.
How does that happen?

- I don't know.
- One less rubber
chicken in the wild.

I'll get you out of here
as soon as we can.

What is the wait now?

- You don't know?
- No.

Well, as soon as
she did the whole lunch thing

she gave the driver
an hour and 20 minutes off.

- Fucking hell!
- He's gone AWOL.

Oh, for fuck's sake!
Is she looking for him?

Yep, looking for him.

Oh, fuck! Ron?

Start bumping up
that Hugh Abbot story.

Find out if you can get it
bumped up to number one spot.

Let him take the heat.

Come on, let's go!

Hey, do you think
you're fucking immune?

Get plugging!
Can you handle that, fuckwit?

- Can you fucking handle it?
- Yes, I can handle it.

(Mobile ringing)

- Don't even think about it.
- Emma, not now.

Your fucking girlfriend!
Are you off your head?

- You said...
- Aw, don't give me
any fucking static.

Just ring her back now.
You need to meet her for
coffee as soon as.

Sometimes I... You know, when
you meet the real,
the actual people,

don't you...
you look at the little,
beady eyes

and mean mouths full
of sneering, and...

I mean, I know this is what
they think
people like me think,

so I hate thinking it,
but I find myself thinking

they're from
a different fucking species.

You know, with their T-shirts
and weird
trousers and tabards.

Why do they wear clothes with
writing on?
Why are they so fucking fat?

- I know. And stupid.
- God, I hate this place.

Olly, it's Glenn.
I've got Hugh for you.

Olly? Yeah, hi.
So, is Malcolm
doing his witchcraft?

Did he send his
flying monkeys in?

Where's the fucking fax
from the Standard?

Erm... Not...
Not... Not exactly, Hugh.

(Shouting drowns Olly's reply)

This other story.
He's not going to stitch me up
on this, is he?

(Olly) Everything...
It's incredibly
busy in here right now.

I just need you to keep me
out of the firing line, Olly.

Slightly difficult, because
I'm only one pawn
in this, you know.

- A pawn can't
take a queen, can it?
- Yes, it can.

Technically,
yes, of course it can.

But you know,
a queen is a lot
bigger than a pawn.

But if you get a pawn over
to the other
side of the board,

it can become a queen.

Or a bishop.

Or a senior adviser,
you understand.

Yes, yes, I understand.

I really need you to keep me
out of the firing line,
get the heat off me.

- Please,
please, please, help me.
- (Malcolm shouting)

- I'm...I'm on it.
- That's not it!

That's not
the line he came up with.

Your son knew
it was a difficult position,

- but he didn't
want to lose the money.
- He didn't lie, though.

You can just write
your resignation letter.

- OK, OK, OK.
- If you ask
people to believe...

- What were you doing?
- I was having a fag.

Olly, we need you
to fuck Hugh for us.

- OK?
- OK.

I need you to go over
to Mark Davies at ITN, right?

They're 50/50 on bumping
Hugh up to top of the bill
with the piss woman.

Can you sort that out for me?
Good lad. OK, see you later.

Oh, nice. Very nice.

Well, go, for fuck's sake,
you fucking prick!

I'll cut your
fucking ears off.
We need it done.

When I met you this morning,
I thought you
were the nice Scot.

Erm...

I'm from Number
Ten...Downing Street.

And we want you to take this
MOD story that you're
planning on running first,

right down in your schedules
and bring the Hugh
Abbot story right up.

- Erm...
- Are you one of
Malcolm's bumboys?

Erm...yeah.
Well, we work together.

Look, it's ROMFP, OK?

- This story...
- What the fuck is ROMFP?

It's a Number Ten word.

- We need you to
take this down...
- Or what?

Or the public service...erm...

...news values
of your corporation are
seriously skewed and...and...

the public
service aspect of that
will be very badly served.

And... What can we
get you? How can...

I've got your man there,
looking like a prat.

And his adviser,
pretty much telling a member
of the public to fuck off.

Although if that's
going to run, I need a picture
of the adviser.

Fuck's sake!

- Oliver Reeder.
- Have you sorted it, Olly?

It's not quite
sorted just yet, Malcolm.

Shall I send Jamie over?
Would you like that?

- No, no.
- You and Jamie and
a rubber truncheon.

No, I'm fine.

Make me happy.
Bring me sunshine.

Right,
I'll make you happy, Malcolm.

(Whispering) Dickwad!

(Mobile ringing)

Oliver Reeder.

(Jamie)
Hey, shagbag, you done it yet?

I'm in the middle of doing it.

Fucking hurry up!
Get off the fucking phone!

Fuck's sake!

(Mobile ringing)

I'm fucking doing it!
I'm just...

Sorry, Emma. Yeah, hi.

I'm stuck in
a meeting about equal pay.
It's just... It's gone over.

But, hey, you know, tonight.
Are we still on?

Yeah. Yeah,
Solarishere we come. Bye.

Right, I demand...

Fuck off, give me the picture.

It's been done.
We've had words upstairs.

- That's him on the left.
- Can you get
that off the phone?

- Yeah,
we can do that, can't we?
- All right.

- Have you, though?
- What?

Ever cleaned up
your own mother's piss?

No,
I never knew my mother, Hugh.

Sorry.
Have you ever cleaned up
your stepmother's piss?

No, I never cleaned her piss.
It wasn't that
kind of relationship.

No, nor me.
Though I have to say,

I've done Alicia's piss
and Charlie's piss.

I mean, you know, loads of it.

But, you know, it's only piss.

It's... Yeah, thanks.

She was going on as if
it was some sort
of toxic waste.

But what's a bit of piss?

- I could stay for...
- No, don't, just go home.

Where do you think we'll come
in the running order?

All right, folks, here we go.

- Tonight,
dramatic pictures...
- (Cheering)

..of voter anger over the NHS.

Anything other than
number one spot is a win.

..spin doctor thought
our tape had stopped running.

(Glenn) Can you shut up
for one(bleep) minute?

Oh, oh, oh, he is so fucked!

Hey, good photo.

Yeah. Well,
you know, it's a good phone.

(Hugh) What
fantastic landscaping.

(Howls of laughter)

Who do you think
looked worse, you or me?

Well, I mean,
I looked bad,
but you said bad.

I suppose on balance,
honestly, you, really.

Great.

(Mobile ringing)

Oh, go away!

I don't know if
I'm going to
survive this, Hugh.

They're going to be
all over me like shingles.

(Mobile phones ringing)

They are all over
me like shingles!

- It'll be OK.
- Do you think?

Yeah, it'll probably be fine.

So we had the whole
front of the train...

(Mobile ringing)

Are you not going to get that?

No. I've been on that all day.
Microwaves.

I've got a tumour coming on.

I think I've got a touch of
the brain tumours, as well.

Not much of
a fucking soldier, is he?

He's a lover, not a fighter.

Olly, hi, it's Hugh. I just
wanted to say thank you very,
very much.

The way you shifted
the spotlight onto Glenn
was quite Tuckeresque,

really very Malciavellian,
if you know what I mean.

Well done, and bye-bye.

(Piss woman) Hello, Olly.
Just seen myself on the news.

Let's get something done now.

I'll be phoning you every day
until we do sort out my
mother and her problem.

Thank you.