All language subtitles for The Avengers S02E20 School for traitors

(theme music playing)

Venus:
♪ ...as much applause
as waving the flag ♪

♪ You can pass
many a class ♪

♪ Whether you're dumb
or wise ♪

♪ If you all answer
the call ♪

♪ When your professor cries... ♪
Everybody!

♪ Down on your heels,
up on your toes ♪

♪ Stay after school,
learn how it goes ♪

♪ Everybody do
the Varsity Drag... ♪

Boom!

(applause)

- How 'bout a dance?
- Oh, I'd love to, Ted,

but I promised to dance
with Richard.

Do you know where he is?

Yeah, he's in his study,
I think.

- Oh, what's he doing there?
- Oh, research.

We're not supposed
to know anything about it.

Well, I'm gonna go
and dig him out.

If you insist, but you don't
know what you're missing!

No, look, darling, I think I'll
just go and get some drinks.

All right.

Well,
you don't look very happy.

Well, I've just been
given the push

by that delectable
Venus Smith.

- Will I do instead?
- Yes, very well.

All right, I'm married,
thank you,

Richard, help.

Richard?

Richard!

Another double scotch
and a pint of bitter,

so that's six and three,
pop that on your bill?

- Please.
- All right.

Shall we sit down?

Thank you.

What's happened?

Richard Davis
committed suicide last night.

- Suicide?
- According to local police

there's no reason to disillusion

one way or the other
for the time being.

Well, I can't say
I'm altogether surprised.

While you were away,
someone made contact with Davis

and tried to blackmail him
into giving them information

about his work

in Professor Aubyn's research
department.

Well, he fed them a bit
of unimportant data

to keep them happy,
in the meantime he notified me.

Do we know
who's blackmailing him?

If we knew that, Steed,

there'll be no need for either
of us to be here.

I take it you never met Davis.

Not since we were
at school together.

I got a message
waiting for me last night

when I came back
from Cairo.

The message being from your
friend, Miss Venus Smith?

- That's right.
- Yes, I noticed that
she was singing here

during the Rag Week
festivities.

I take it that the university
is indebted to you

- for that arrangement?
- I thought she could keep
an eye on Davis

- while I was away.
- Not very successfully,
unfortunately.

Well, my work, took
a little longer than...

You know, Steed
I disapprove
of amateurs.

However,
that's so much water
under the bridge.

The point is that Davis
won't be the only brain

in the university
they're after.

What's you cover?

Literary research.

I'm mainly interested
in Dr. Johnson's friend.

- Italian name.
- Piozzi.

- Oh, yes, that's right.
- Ex-Thrale.

You know, Steed,

your cover usually
has a large element

of wishful thinking.

- Anything else, sir?
- That's all.

I shall, of course,
be staying with my old friend

the vice chancellor.

Keep me informed.

You haven't told me what
you want me to do yet.

In the words of your
literary doctor friend,

"Sir, I have found you
an argument.

I am not obliged to find
you an understanding."

Man: I can't tell you how
delighted I am, Roberts.

Aubyn, I congratulate you
on your choice.

You realize,
of course (speaks French)

that he won't be able
to devote

quite so much time
to tutoring.

No, of course he won't.

Still the work that Davis
was on must be continued.

As his assistant,

I suppose you got to know
him pretty well, didn't you?

Well, he was never really
the sort of person

one could get to
know well, sir.

But he was a pleasant enough
chap to work with.

Extraordinary.
Everything before him.

His research work
was quite remarkable.

Every prospect
of a brilliant career.

Poor fella.

I suppose we should never really
know why he took his own life.

I hope you wouldn't mind
using his room?

- No, I had
expected that, sir.
- Good.

Well, as I said before,
the appointment

has my full approval
and I'm perfectly certain

you'll make a great
success of it.

Now if you'll excuse me

I'm afraid I've got
a very busy morning.

Oh, Aubyn,
I'm expecting young Green,

and one of the proctors,
if you see him outside,

ask him to come in.

(speaks French)

- I'll take that for you.
- Oh! (Laughs)

- Well, good luck,
my dear fellow.
- Thank you, sir.

(sighs)

- (knock on door)
- Come in.

- Morning, Harry.
- Good morning.

- Morning, Mr. Green.
- Good morning, sir.

- Well, I'll leave you to it.
- No, no, I'd like you to stay.

Now Mr. Green,
Mr. Jackson here tells me

that you've been returning
to the college

after hours
on several occasions recently.

I'm very sorry, sir.

Now what have
you been up to?

I was at a party.

No, I don't just mean
last night.

Have you got some attachment
in the town?

Not now, sir.

Now listen to me, Green,

college rules were made
to be observed.

If I have reports of this kind
of thing again,

I shall take
disciplinary action

that I'm perfectly certain
won't appeal to you.

- You understand
what I mean, don't you?
- Yes, sir.

- All right.
That's all. You can go.
- Thank you, sir.

I'm worried about that boy,
Harry.

I understand on
the very best authority

that he's been spending
money in the town

that I'm perfectly certain
he hasn't got.

- Now where is it coming from?
- I don't know.

There have been several
complaints of petty pilfering

in the past month,
but I'm bound to say.

- Green doesn't strike me
as the type.
- Well, I agree with you.

All the same, I'd like you
to keep an eye on him.

I've heard about this pilfering,
and I'm not going to have

the good name
of the college smeared.

Something's got to be done
about it.

Sally, is there any calls
for me?

- Sorry, miss.
- Oh, well, never mind, eh?

Morning,
come and sit down.

Burlington...

You managed
to get here very quickly?

- What'll you have to drink?
- Pineapple juice, please.

A pineapple juice and a large
scotch whisky, please.

Grain, my dear,
which in England

is generally given to horses,

in Scotland
supports the people.

- Eh?
- Aha.

Dr. Johnson.

Oh, wasn't it tragic about
your friend Richard Davis?

- And he was such
a nice person, too.
- Yeah, he was.

Did he say anything
that might suggest

- he was gonna kill himself?
- No, nothing at all.

He didn't leave a note
or anything like that?

- Not that I know of, no.
- Well, was he quite happy?

It's funny you should say that,
but there had been a girl

in the town that
he'd been going around with

an artist
or something like that,

and it didn't work out
so well, so I...

- There you are, sir.
- Thank you very much,
just coming up.

- Hey, how's the Rag Week going?
- Oh, fine, thanks.

I'm sorry it's only
gonna be one week.

You know, singing in the open
is such a nice change

from dreary
old nightclubs.

Cheers.

Sal, be a love and get
some glasses, will you?

Well, hello there,
Venus Smith.

- Well, hello there, Teddy.
- I didn't know
you were staying here.

Higby, you old trout,
I hope you're looking after
my friend in style.

- Of course, old boy.
- Ted, I'd like you to meet

a friend of mine,
John Steed, Ted East.

- How do you do?
- How do you do?

And this is Claire Summers,
the bohemian girl.

- Hello, Claire.
- Hello.

Now then,
how about a drink?

- I'll have a bitter please.
- One bitter.

Comin' up.

There we are.

You've both got one..

And a whisky for me.

Your very good health.

That'll be three
and a penny, old man.

Oh, don't
be silly, Higby,
chalk it up.

I say,
Claire, did you enjoy
the dance last night?

It was
a ghastly drag.

It's one of
the disadvantages of
living in a university town,

is I usually get
invited to these dos.

I should jolly well
think she does.

The shortage of attractive
women is simply staggering.

Ah, ah... that'll be
3 and 7, old man.

- You got a sixpence?
- There you are.

You're not
at the college
then, Claire?

Oh, it's sweet of you
to suggest it,

but I'm a trifle
overage.

- What do you do?
- I paint.

Venus, weren't you meeting
your agent, 12:00?

Eh? Oh, yes, yes.

- I must go.
- Oh, a shame.

Well, I'll see you
later, then. Goodbye.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Venus... there's a name
to be proud of.

Evocative, sensual.

The best my parents could dream
up for me was Ted.

You in the band?

No, I'm not musically
inclined.

Your turn.

I literally research,
Davis was doing that wasn't he?

Well, he wasn't exactly
literally.

I don't know what
all the fuss is about.

I thought he was a pretty
boring chap myself.

Darling, it must of been
a terrible shock to his friends.

- If he had any.
- He had one friend...
young Venus.

- Really?
- They were very friendly.
He left her a note.

Strange, really, they'd only
known each other a week.

I thought the police said
there wasn't a note.

Oh, not by the body.
Just the one he sent to Venus.

Come on, Claire,
you've had enough.

Oh, darling, sorry,
look I got to fly.

I've got someone coming to look
at a picture at midday.

- See you soon.
- I should think so.

- Thanks for the drink.
- Pleasure.

She's a sight.

That letter Davis
sent to Venus,

I suppose she handed it
over to the police.

It would depend what was in it,
wouldn't it.

(knock on door)

- Come in.
- Darling.

Darling, I've got the most
wonderful news.

- I've just been given
Davis' job.
- That's marvelous.

Of course, I'm not meant
to tell anybody yet

but I had to come
and tell you.

Oh, I'm so glad.
You deserve it, you really do.

Come here.

You know, if it wasn't
for poor ol' Davis,

I'd say I was the luckiest
man in the world.

A nice job and you as well.

- What's the matter?
- Nothing.

Yes, something is the matter.
What is it?

It's nothing really,
I'm sorry.

Whatever it is,
you can tell me about it.

Well, it's so silly really.
I owe somebody some money,

I haven't got it
and they want it back.

- Who wants it back?
- Higby.

- That chap who runs
the Volunteer?
- Yes.

He has a restaurant
as well,

I did the murals there,
some time ago.

That's how I got
to know him.

- How much do you owe him?
- It's rather a lot.

Remember, I told you my mother
was ill recently.

It cost the family
a small fortune.

I had to make
my contribution,

so I went to Higby,
he's got plenty of cash,

and he made me a loan,
and now he's threatening

to take me to court if
I don't pay it back immediately.

Look, darling,
I'm terribly sorry

but I'm absolutely flat broke.

Oh, darling, oh, I know.

It wasn't that.

I just had to tell somebody.

But what about that picture
you sold the other week

to that
American chap.

- What was his name...
Finch or Pinch or something?
- Lynch, Peter Lynch.

There's his check.

That's for 220 pounds.
Surely, that's enough.

Yes, but don't you see
he's put in writing 220 guineas,

that's 210 pounds.

No bank would ever cash that
because the letters

- and the figures don't agree.
- No, I'm afraid they wouldn't.

I suppose it's
my own fault really.

I should've watched him
make out the check.

I suppose I was so excited about
selling a painting.

Oh, you can just get him
to write another check.

Only that he has left
the country.

He's in the middle
of the Atlantic

on the Queen Elizabeth.

Well, you'll just have
to go to Higby

and explain the whole thing.

I've tried,
he won't listen.

Do you want me
to have a go?

Oh, darling, no,
it wouldn't do any good.

The awful thing is
the idiot included
a blank check in the deal.

I didn't realize I'd got it
until after he'd gone.

It is rather tempting,
isn't it?

You're not thinking of trying
to copy his signature

- or something silly, are you?
- No, no of course not.

Though, I must say
it wouldn't be a bad idea.

After all, he does owe me
the money, doesn't he?

It is not as if
I'm trying to get something

out of him for nothing.

Oh, it's no good.

I'd never be able
to copy his signature.

You're a clot.
Come on, let me have a go.

Now where's your pen?

Oh, darling.
I'd rather you didn't.

Someone's got to get you
out of this mess.

Nothing ventured,
nothing gained.

What are you doing here?

Sorry, I must be in
the wrong room by mistake.

I've seen you around
the college haven't I?

- Yes.
- What's your name?

Green.
Look, I can explain!

I'm not here to steal anything,
really I'm not!

Then what
are you here for then?

- I'm looking for a letter.
- What letter?

The letter Davis sent you before
he killed himself.

But he never sent me
any letter.

- But I heard that he did.
- Who told you that?

Well, I was a friend
of his, you see.

I just wanted to see
what he said.

Well, I'm sorry,
I haven't got any letter.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

- You're from Derby,
aren't you?
- Well, yes.

Well go on, buzz off

and pop that back
on your way out,
will you?

Ta.

Oh, I'm sorry, old boy.
We're closed until 6:00.

I don't want a drink,
Mr. Higby,

I just wanted to see you.

Claire Summers asked me
to give you this.

You'll see that
it's made out to her,

but she's endorsed it
on the back

so that you can pay it
into your own account.

It's for 210 pounds

which I think is for 10 pounds
more than she owes you,

so if you give me
the balance in cash

I'll take it back to her.

Why don't I just call
that interest, old man?

Now if you're not going
to give me the check...

Ah, ah, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

This chap Lynch,
he stayed here

while he was visiting
the city.

Uh... this is the check
he paid me.

Those signatures don't quite
look the same to me, old man.

They look the same to me.

Yes, but I have an eye for this
sort of thing, you know.

Now who did this?
You or your girlfriend?

Neither of us,
they're completely genuine.

You're one of the bright boys,
aren't you?

Stay out of trouble,
keep your nose clean

you might get into
the Royal Society.

Now if I pay this
into the bank,

apart from the fact
you'll probably go to jail,

you'll be lucky if you end up
as a stinks master

in some crackpot prep school.

What the devil do you mean?

Well, let's just say that, um,

I'm a collector of facts,
and you're a forger

and your girlfriend
is an accessory.

We mustn't forget that.

Now you've got a splendid
new job haven't you?

And a girlfriend
who'll be ever so grateful

to you for saving her.

So supposing
I hang on to this,

and then if at some
future time

I should want you to
do a little something for me,

you'll remember
to pay up, won't you?

- Now look here...
- That's a sort of thing

the Sunday papers love,
old boy.

Now why don't you just run
along, hmm?

Well,
what do you think of him?

I'm not committing myself,
not after Davis.

I felt quite sorry
for this one.

Why?

Falling for you.
He doesn't know yet does he?

What?

Just how much you like
hurting people.

Now, now, now.

What happened to Green?

Well,
he didn't get the letter.

- He got caught.
- Caught?

Oh, it's all right,
that girl Smith

didn't go to the police.

I wonder if it is all right.

Why didn't she go
to the police?

I don't know, maybe
she was sorry for him.

Perhaps there wasn't
a letter after all.

Now why do you
say that?

Well, doesn't it strike
you as odd

that a man should send
a suicide note

just before
he's murdered?

He said his name
was Green.

Steed:
I'll see what I can
find out about him.

Oh, I don't want
to do anything
about the break-in.

He might get expelled
or something like that.

"Sent down"
is the expression.

Well, it all seems so silly,
asking for a letter

- that doesn't even exist.
- (telephone rings)

Hello?

Woman:
Hello, is that
Miss Smith?

- Yes, who's that?
- You won't know me.

I was a friend
of Richard Davis.

I understand he wrote you
a letter

- just before he took his life.
- Look, who is that please?

I'm sorry,
I can't tell you my name.

I want you to put that letter
behind the notice board

at the foot
of staircase number two

in Saint Luke's College.

- Do you understand?
- Yes, but look...

I would do as
you're told, Miss Smith.

I really should.

Leave it there
at 11:00 tonight.

- Marvelous.
- But I don't understand.

First of all,
an undergraduate
breaks into my room

and then threatening
phone calls

and they're all after
some letter which I
just haven't got.

Look, surely, you don't
think Richard Davis

would've sent me a letter
just before he died, do you?

No, but he might have done if
he'd the chance to think of it.

- You were a friend of his.
- What are you doing?

Preparing the letter
he ought to have written.

I think you should deliver it
as the lady suggested.

- But there was no letter.
- I know, there will be.

Only the pages won't have
any writing on them.

Hold on.
By hand.

There you are, my dear,

and I'll be close by
to see who collects it.

You don't think Davis
was murdered, do you?

I mean, you do really think
he committed suicide?

If he was murdered,

he would've known in time
to write you, would he?

- But he didn't write to me.
- Precisely.

Man: You're quite sure
you won't tell me

what you were doing
in the town between 1:00

and 2:00 P.M. yesterday.

- I can't remember, sir.
- You can't remember.

All right, then,
I'll have to tell you.

Now this is a letter
from Mr. Higby.

He's the landlord of
the Volunteer public house.

- Do you know him?
- Yes, sir.

Well, Mr. Higby says
that he had a complaint

from one of guests,
Miss Venus Smith.

She says that
you found you in her room

searching her luggage.

Mr. Higby goes on to say
that "subsequently"

it was discovered
that money and cigarettes

"was missing from the bar."

What have you got
to say about that?

Well, sir, I admit
I was in Miss Smith's room

- but I didn't...
- You admit it,
that's enough.

Fortunately, Mr. Higby
has assured me

that he is not going
to prosecute,

but the whole sorry business
is such a disgrace

to the college that I'm afraid
I've got no alternative

but to recommend that
you be sent down immediately.

Sir, if you'll only give me
a chance to explain!

Now don't argue
with me, Green,

all that I can do
is to assure you that

you will be given
an opportunity later

to defend your conduct.

- Understand?
- Yes, sir.

It's all right,
you can go.

I said you can go.

Thank you, sir.

(bell tolls)

Enough.

- Look out.
- Sorry.

What's wrong?

I'm going to be sent down.

Sent down?
What for?

It doesn't really matter.

I never fitted into
this place, anyway.

But don't you realize
what being sent down

is gonna mean
for the rest of your life?

- Yes, of course I do.
- Damn it, man,

you can't just
take it like that.

Aren't you gonna
do something about it?

What's the use?

I might as well be dead
for all they care.

- Yes, but it's...
- Oh, leave me alone.

Anything you say.

Sally:
Good evening, Professor Aubyn.
Your usual?

- Thank you, Moira.
- Sally.

(hums)

(speaks French)
"Il va pleuvoir,"
as Victor Hugo said.

- Professor Aubyn?
- Yes.

I'm delighted to meet you.
My name is Steed, John Steed.

I read your paper on metal
fatigue in supersonic aircraft.

- That was fascinating.
- Oh, thank you.

- And you are?
- 18th-century
English literature.

I'm down here doing
literary detective work

on Mrs. Piozzi.

- Mrs...
- Dr. Johnson's old flame.

Oh, yes, yes, quite,
stupid of me.

Have you met Shoctor Danklin...
Er, Dr. Shanklin?

He's rather hot on these
18th-Century literatures.

No, not yet, but I hope
to have the opportunity

of doing so, I must say.

Now, getting back to your
research department,

wasn't Richard Davis
part of it?

Yes.
You knew him?

Well, not since I was at school,
that's a long time ago.

Obviously.

It was a terrible thing
to happen.

Can you think of any reason?

No. Still...
(speaks Latin)

As Virgil rather neatly put it,
no reason at all.

Overworked perhaps.
Who's taking his place?

Oh, a nice young man,
a person called Roberts.

He used to be Davis'
assistant.

Hmm, can I buy you that
other half?

That's very kind of you.

Pro bono, public help.

It's a pleasure,
make the change

to get away from
Mrs. Piozzi for a while.

Oh, have you brought her
with you then?

Not literally.

(gunshot)

(whistles)

(bell tolls)

Hello, Mr. Steed,
so you heard that did you?

- Of course.
- Good.

May I ask what you are doing
in this extremely strange room?

I think I better take charge
of that.

No, no, no don't worry
about this.

(gun clicks)

This is Roberts' room
isn't it?

Was Davis's.

Whoever it belongs to.
What are you doing here?

I'm trying to work out
how Davis killed himself.

I think I should leave
that to the police.

Yes, well, they seem to have
been very bright about it.

You see, these rooms
are as stuffy as hell,

so let's assume that
the window is open

as it is now.

Now you heard this thing just
now when I fired it off

yet last night the quad
was teeming with people

and nobody heard anything
when Davis killed himself.

- There was a dance going on.
- (chuckles) Yes.

But the band didn't
start until 8:00,

and according to the police

Davis died some time
before that.

You see...

I keep asking myself
a simple historical question,

have you ever heard
of anybody shooting themselves

with a silencer?

Be back in a minute.

Here, what's going on?

Our conversation was just
becoming interesting.

Never mind about...

Was he a friend of yours?

It's Green.
He was gonna be sent down.

He's been sent down all right,
he's dead.

(knocks on door)

Come in.

I don't know what
you see in those things.

They're elemental,
like me.

Well, did you get it.

Did she put it there
herself?

Yes.

Did anyone see you collect
this from the notice board?

No, of course not.

- What does it say?
- It says nothing.

Well, your little telephone call
didn't work, did it, dear?

Don't you lose
your temper with me!

You want to take it out
on somebody,

you have another go
at Venus Smith.

Yes.

Yes, perhaps you're right.

I think we've got to show
that silly little girl

that we're serious.

I know.

What's that?

Face cream.

- You can't send her that!
- Why not?

- That'll burn her face off.
- So what?

She's got to be
sure taught a lesson.

You really do like hurting
people, don't you?

Oh, shut up!

You gotta do as
I tell you

and so has Venus Smith.

- (knock on door)
- Come in.

Oh, hello love,
any luck?

According to the college
authorities, the local police,

another suicide topped up
to the files.

Do you know you're looking
particularly beautiful tonight?

That's very neat, really.

Green the undergraduate
with the most reason

for wishing he
hadn't been born

suddenly found
himself dead.

Poor Green, he was being
expelled, wasn't he?

Sent down, yes.

That's what I said,
he got the push.

For pilfering, apparently.
Are you ready?

- I want to down to the college.
- I shan't be a moment.

And since you seem to think
I need so much improving,

thank you very much
for the cream.

- What?
- The face cream.

It was very sweet of you.

- Do you mean this?
- Well, it was for me,

it was in the carton...
Have you gone mad?

What's in there could scar
your face for life,

trichloroacetic acid.

- I got to get this off you.
- I haven't got it on me!

I didn't like it,
it smells of swimming pool!

You're breaking my neck!

- Whew.
- Heck!

Hey, why would anyone want
to do a thing like that to me?

I can't imagine.

Unless it was to warn you off.

Hello, Roberts old love,
how's the new job?

Not so much of the old love,
young man.

That's the trouble with you
undergraduates today,

you got no respect
for your betters.

Oh, don't give me that.
Have you read my thesis yet.

Um, that's what you call it.

It certainly is my son,
and let me tell you

that my ideas on the cubic
capacity of minerals

will revolutionize scientific
thinking for years to come.

I wish I could share your
confidence.

I've just seen something
rather attractive.

Hello, Venus,
Belle of the quad.

What are you doing
in our academic midst?

Oh, this is Mr. Roberts,
our resident metallurgist.

Yes I know,
we've met, hello.

Say you're a bit
of a dark horse, aren't you.

I didn't know
you could play the guitar.

Well, after five years
concentrated practice,

I've succeeded
in learning one number.

Dig this, honey.

(strumming)

(whistling melody)

♪ Way up
in banana tree... ♪

Miss Smith.

♪ Yellow bird ♪

♪ You sit all alone
like me ♪

♪ Did your lady friend
leave the nest again? ♪

♪ That is very sad,
makes me feel so bad ♪

♪ You must fly away
in the sky away ♪

♪ You more lucky than me ♪

- ♪ Yi-yi-yi... ♪
- Hey!

♪ Yellow bird
way up in banana tree... ♪

Whee-hee-hee!

♪ Yellow bird,
You sit all... ♪

- Roberts: Miss Smith.
- Yes?

Could I have a word
with you for a moment?

- Yeah, sure, what about?
- It's about Richard Davis.

- Do you think
we can go to my room?
- Yes.

(music continues)

- East!
- Sir?

It would be a pity to allow
your musical talents

to stand in the way
of your success

in the examination room.

Sir.

I'm so sorry
to drag you away,

but you always seem to be
surrounded by people.

Oh, that's all right.

- Ah, would you care
for a cigarette?
- Oh, no, thank you.

- I've got to think
of my voice, you know.
- I suppose.

Would you like
a cup of tea?

I won't say no to that,
thank you.

What did you want
to see me about?

Well, um, I gather you
have a letter

that Richard Davis sent
you just before he died.

I wondered if I can see it?

I haven't got it
with me, actually.

Do you think we can go back
to your room for it?

I'm sorry, but what's it got
to do with you, anyway?

Well, you see,
I was a friend of his.

I just wanted to know why
he killed himself.

- Do you take sugar?
- No, thank you.

You haven't shown it to anybody,
have you?

- No.
- Not even the police?

Oh, it was a personal letter
you see.

How well did you know Davis?

Oh, not very well.
We used to chat...

Then why should he choose
to write a letter to you?

I don't know,
maybe he thought I was...

That letter doesn't exist,
does it, Miss Smith?

- You made it up.
- Why did you say that?

Because I think Richard Davis
was murdered.

You see, I've taken over
his work since he died

and I know now that
he was on the verge

of a most important
discovery.

He'd never have killed
himself at such a time.

- (knock on door)
- It just doesn't make sense.

Oh, am I interrupting?

Oh no, we were just talking
about Davis

and that letter,
you know.

- I see.
- Who are you?

This is a friend of mine,
John Steed... John Steed...

J... John Steed,
this is Jack Roberts.

Jack Steed this is Jack...
Anyway, marvelous.

How do you do?

Call me, Bert, thank you,
how do you do?

So you what...
Oh, what does he think?

Do you know something
about this letter do you?

Yes, he does.
He thinks the same as you do,

that Davis has no reason
to kill himself.

So you think that Davis
was murdered, too?

Yes, I do.

Have you any idea
who might have killed him?

- No.
- I'm off.

- Where are you going?
- To spray my throat.

What's the matter with it?

Nothing,
I'm just gonna spray it.

Problems.

- You've taken over
Davis' job, haven't you?
- Yes.

- You realize you might be
next on the list?
- Yes, I know.

That's why I want to find out
what happened to him.

I don't blame you,
so do I.

Now I got a theory...
It seems to me that

there's an organization
in this university

blackmailing
undergraduates.

Now you can see how useful that
can be to enemy agents,

get their hands on them?

Tomorrow's top men,
today's undergraduate.

Yes, but it's not just
undergraduates, Mr. Steed,

I've been approached
as well.

I see,
what happened?

Well, it's wasn't
ideological conversion

or anything like that.

As you rightly guessed
it was blackmail.

You see, well,
rather stupidly,

I tried to copy
the signature on a check

- to help a friend of mine
out of a jam.
- Some jam.

Well, it was money
they were entitled to

but when I went to
cash this check,

the man I tried
to cash it with

turned out to be a member
of this organization.

- Who was it?
- A chap called Higby.

The man who runs
the Volunteer?

Yes, yes,
that's the one.

But I don't think
he's their leader.

There's someone else
behind him.

I'm sure of this.

You forged this check
off your own bat?

Well... well, yes.

I see, now look here,
I may be able to manage...

I'm not saying I can,
mind you...

To see you won't be
prosecuted for this forgery.

Now will you help me?

- Yes, yes.
- We got to trust each other.

I really want to
find out who's the head
of this organization.

Now I think the best thing
for you to do is to, uh...

yes, to pretend that
you're ideologically convinced.

(kettle whistles)

Would you care
for a cup of tea?

Thank you.

Higby: Yes, well that was
the one too many, wasn't it?

Now come on, chaps,
off you go.

Come on, carry him out.

I got two hours' work to do

when you fellas leave
here tonight.

It's not all fun
running a pub, you know.

Come on, Geronimo,
back to the reservation.

They're dancing
for rain tonight.

I'll take that.
I lose more glasses that way.

Go on, out you go.

Yeah, never mind about him.
He's a shareholder.

I don't know, why is it beer
always tastes so much better

after closing time?

Well, have you got that
information for yet, old man?

No, I'm afraid
I haven't had time yet.

Now look, if you don't do
as I tell you,

I've got information here
that says you're a forger.

You won't need that,
Mr. Higby.

I'm afraid you
don't quite understand.

You and I are
on the same side.

- Really?
- Yes.

It's rather funny,
really.

I've been trying to get
in touch with somebody

from your organization
for some time.

♪ Gray skies are going
to clear up ♪

♪ Put on a happy face ♪

♪ Brush off the clouds
and cheer up ♪

♪ Put on a happy face ♪

♪ Take off the gloomy mask
of tragedy ♪

♪ It's not your style ♪

♪ You'll look so good
that you'll be glad ♪

♪ You decided
to smile ♪

♪ Pick out
a pleasant outlook ♪

♪ Stick out
that noble chin ♪

♪ Take off
the full-of-doubt look ♪

♪ Slap on
a happy grin ♪

♪ And spread sunshine
all over the place ♪

♪ Just put on a happy ♪

♪ Happy, happy ♪

♪ Put on a happy face. ♪

- How 'bout this time?
- I'd love to.

Where's your friend,
Mr. Steed?

Oh, he's probably
with Mrs. Piozzi.

Dr. Johnson's mate.
Oh, you know?

He's not exactly doing
literally research, is he?

What makes you say that?

He seems far more
interested in why Davis

and Green killed themselves.

Oh, let's talk about
something else, shall we?

How 'bout letting me taking you
home at the end of the week?

That's very nice
of you, Ted.

- But I should probably
go back with Mr. Steed.
- Oh.

Hello, my dear.
Enjoying yourself?

Yes, we were,
thank you.

Excuse us, please,
I want to dance with Venus.

- Has she left you again?
- Yes.

- Would you like
to dance with me?
- Yes.

Have you seen him?
I'm worried about him.

- He seems
to have disappeared.
- Oh?

If you see him, tell him
I want to talk to him.

Fetch and carry,
fetch and carry.

- This is home.
- Aren't you gonna ask me in?

- It's late.
- That doesn't matter.

I think you better get back
to college.

I don't want you gated
on my account.

- No, nonsense.
- Don't be a naughty boy.

Then what about some black
coffee?

- No.
- White?

- No.
- Then what about tomorrow?

Come around when you can.

Oh, ruddy women...
(muttering)

Hello, darling,

I've been looking
for you everywhere.

So you've picked up
young East now, have you?

What?

That was East you were with,
wasn't it?

What about it?

I suppose I've ceased
to be useful to you.

I'm sorry, darling,

I just don't know what
you're talking about.

- Don't you?
- East made a pass
at me at the dance.

I've been trying
to shake him off ever since.

And I just don't believe you.

All right, darling,
believe what you like.

It happens to be true.

Oh, darling, come on.
Don't be a jealous old bore.

You can't be angry just because
I enjoy myself sometimes.

You know I love you.

Is that why you got me
to forge that check?

Of course it isn't.

Don't keep me in suspense
any longer.

- Was it all right
about the check?
- Yes, I delivered it.

Higby didn't question it.

Oh, no, and it seemed
to be just what he wanted.

Anyway, he didn't waste much
time in giving me my orders.

- Orders?
- Well, needless to say,

Higby spotted
the check as a forgery

and proceeded
to blackmail me.

It was all very cleverly
worked out, Claire.

Why did you do it?

I don't know what you mean.

Why did you do it, Claire?

Do you think I wanted
to do what I did?

What did you expect me to think?
Why did you do it?

How can I get you
to understand?

Don't say it was your idea.

Surely there was somebody
else behind it.

Of course it was.

Darling, don't you realize
I'm just as much a victim

of these people
as you are?

What people?

Well they have agents
in all the universities,

blackmailing undergraduates
into working for them

so that when they leave
they become useful to them.

That's how they got hold of me.

They tricked me
into doing something

that would send me
to prison,

so this is my assignment
to ride tea and sympathy

for tomorrow's diplomats
and scientists.

Oh, it isn't the same
with you, darling, really.

Oh, I love you.
You must know that.

You must believe me.
I really love you.

All right,
I believe you.

(knock on door)

- Damn.
- Come in, Higby.

Claire...?

Good evening,
old boy.

Claire, what is this?
What's going on?

Well, now, you didn't
seriously think

we were going to swallow
all that stuff

about you being
ideologically one of us,

- did you, old man?
- You are a fool, Jack.

- Claire!
- You know,
there was a time

when I really thought you were
gonna be quite promising.

Such a pity that all that talent
will have to go to waste.

You tramp!

Now just a moment,
old chap.

Yes, yes, sir.

Good heavens.
What?

Yes, yes I understand.
Mm-hmm.

Right, well, thank you very much
for letting me know.

Yes.
Goodbye.

Well, that was the police.

According to the doctor's
preliminary report,

young Roberts died of an
overdose of Phenobarbital.

An overdose
of Phenobarbital?

Well, you realize what
that means?

Another suicide.
It's an appalling situation.

Only a half an hour ago,
there was one

of those paper men
on Fleet Street

on the telephone to me.

I suggest we better think up
some sort of ad hoc explanation

of these...
unfortunate incidents.

Yes, well, I suppose
one can understand

young Green taking
his own life.

Heaven above knows,

I feel in a sense
responsible for that.

Oh, no, no, Shanklin,
you mustn't blame yourself.

He wasn't the first man
to be sent down.

Oh, I don't know.

If only these youngsters
would come to me more often

when they've got something
on their mind.

So difficult to make
contact with some of them.

I find it particularly
perplexing about Roberts.

Everything open to him
and now this.

What do you know about
this fellow Steed?

- Who?
- Steed.

Oh, Mrs. Piozzi's friend.
Nothing very much.

We had a chat in the Volunteer
the other night,

he seemed
pleasant enough.

Why, why do you ask?

Oh, I don't know.
It just seems strange.

You see it was Steed
who discovered Green,

now it seems that
he found Roberts.

Do you see what I mean?
It's odd.

East is on his way up
the stairs now.

Hello, can I come in?

Hello, Teddy.

Great Scott,
what's this a reptile hut?

Attractive looking bunch
you got in there.

Well, I suppose you heard
about poor old Roberts?

Yes.
Yes, somebody told me.

You were rather friendly
with him once, weren't you?

Yes, I went out with him
a couple of times.

I was rather fond of him

but he was rather moody,
you know.

Isn't it funny?

You always think that people
who talk about suicide

will never really do it.

Yes, but they do,
don't they?

What's wrong?

You're not still worried about
Roberts are you?

I'm up to my eyes in debt.

- Oh, is that all?
- Do you know Higby?

Yes, very well.

Well, I owe him
200 pounds.

That must've been quite
a party.

My mother was ill recently,
cost the family a small fortune.

I had to borrow
from someone.

- And now he wants it back?
- Yes.

Trust him?

Well, he can take me to court
and put the bailiffs in here

which would be
rather embarrassing.

I thought you did rather well
with your old paint brush.

Yes.
Yes, I do sometimes.

The maddening thing
is only last week

I sold a picture
to an American
for 200 guineas.

Well, then, what
are you worried about?

There's his check.
Take a look at it.

200 guineas,
220 pounds.

Darling, 200 guineas

is 210 pounds as any
bank clerk would know.

Ah, yes, I see,
well, now that's quite simple,

you get your Mr. Rockefeller
to make you out another one

or get him to change
this one and initial it.

Only that he is
on safari in Kenya

and jungle johns couldn't
convey the kind of message

I'd like to send to him.

The maddening thing is
he included a blank check

- in the deal.
- Well, how did that happen?

He tore off two checks
at the same time.

It'd be rather nice to make out
a check for ourselves

for a thousand pounds,
wouldn't it?

Yes, we know where that would
land you, don't you?

Of course, it wouldn't be
morally wrong

to make out a check
for 200 guineas.

I mean, well,
it is yours, isn't it?

I'd never be able
to copy his signature.

Effort, "St. Trinian's."
You got a pen?

Darling,
do you think you ought?

Oh, why ever not?
Higby will never know.

Peter Lynch, hmm.

How's your other girlfriend
getting on, Miss Smith?

Ah, she's only
a nodding acquaintance.

She's very attractive.

Yes, but she hasn't got
a room full of alligators

next to the college.

You made a brilliant speech

at the debating society
last week I heard.

Well, it's all
in good practice.

What for? The day
you become prime minister?

Oh, you never know.

I might become tenth
parliamentary undersecretary

at the Ministry of Works
one day.

Now how's that?

All you got to do is
to fill in the rest.

I'd say that was excellent.

Wouldn't you say that's
an excellent forgery?

Ah, Higby,
are you after money again?

You know, old man the maximum
sentence of forgery

in this country
is seven years.

- What is this?
- We want your cooperation.

We?
What do you mean we?

- You fancy yourself
in Parliament, old man?
- Yes.

Well, when you get there
you're gonna represent us.

Because when
you leave here

I'm gonna go straight to
the police with this check

unless of course you agree
to do little something for us.

(laughs)
Higby's raving mad.

What'd you want me to do?
Kill someone?

Yes.

That's exactly what
we want you to do.

Come on, love,
make yourself useful.

Tie that end off
over there for me.

I feel like Dr. Johnson's
angler.

What?

Stick and a string
with a fool at one end

and a worm at the other.

Here, who's the fool?
Worm?

Huh, I just spent
the last couple of hours

at the county
police court.

They're still convinced that
Roberts committed suicide.

- Why shouldn't they be?
- Eh?

One word that Roberts
was murdered

and the whole pack of wolves
will run for cover.

Talking about wolves,

you remember that artist,
Claire Summers?

Well, she's a right wolf,
that she is.

Well, some men
like 'em that way.

Well, first of all,
she wolfed Davis,

then she wolfed Green
and then she wolfed Roberts.

I think I'll pay her a visit,
go to tea one day.

Yes, well you're in for
stiff competition

'cause Teddy's got his eye
on her now.

I hope for his sake
she doesn't wolf him, too.

Oh, you haven't
tied it off
like I said.

- (knocks on door)
- Come in.

- Excuse me, sir.
- Hmm.

Can I have a word
with you, sir?

- Yes, of course.
- College business?

No, sir, it's personal.

Well, I'm always willing
to help if I can.

- What it is?
- Well...

it's rather difficult
to explain, you see.

I've been tricked
into forging a check.

- Forging a check?!
- Yes, sir.

But, East,
I don't understand?

I've forged a check, sir.

Now just a minute,
I don't understand.

What you are saying
is very serious.

- I know, I know, sir.
- It's a criminal offense.

Now look you're treating me
like a father confessor.

You ought to be discussing
this with a solicitor.

But I must tell you, sir,
you see,

it partly concerns
the college.

- The college?
- Yes, sir.

Oh, that's different.
Sit down.

Well, go on.

Well, half an hour ago,
a girlfriend of mine

persuaded me
to forge a check.

When I'd done it,
her accomplice appeared.

It seems they're part
of an organization

operating inside
this university.

You mean they're criminal?

They're political agents
or something

and they forced me
to join them

because they've got that
forged check

to hold over me
for the rest of my life.

In other words,
they're blackmailing you.

Yes, sir.

Have they told you to
do anything?

Oh yes sir,
I have to commit a murder,

a man called John Steed.

I see.

Well, if you've got to dispose
of Mr. Steed,

you'll need the means
of doing it, won't you?

No, sir.
They were serious, sir.

So am I, Mr. East.

Thank you, sir.

Do you think anybody's in?

No.

You're not going in through
the door are you?

- Why not?
- Well you don't,
that's why not.

Now what you're supposed
to do is put a piece

of brown paper on the window,
then when you switch the glass...

- I haven't got any
brown paper, love.
- Oh.

I say, that's
a useful thing to have.

- Where did you find that?
- Never you mind.

No, you don't.
If anyone comes, come tell me.

All right, if it's the police
or anything, I'll whistle.

If it's the police or anything,
just come and tell me.

Okay.

(whistles)
Someone's coming.

Claire?

What are you doing here?

I was just gonna ask you
the same thing.

Thank you very much,
my love.

(imitates whistle)
Someone's coming.

What on earth happened?

Steed was here.

Drink this.

Did he take anything?

I don't know,
you better have a look.

The check book.

- That won't help him.
- It won't do us any good.

East will get that back
when he sees to him.

I delivered the one East
made out a few minutes ago.

You...
You better phone Shanklin.

Yes, I think perhaps
he had better be told.

(telephone rings)

Shanklin here.

Yes, what?

Oh, good heavens.

Um, all right you better come
across and see me.

No, no, no,
come quite openly.

I don't think we've got anything
to bother about.

Right, yeah, goodbye.

Could you get me a phone number,
please, Sally.

- Yes, what number?
- It's on that
little card there.

- Excuse me.
- Hello, Mr. Steed, I've been
hoping you'd turn up.

Well, I've been looking
for you, too.

Well I'd rather
say my piece first,

you see I've been
instructed to kill you.

Your call to London, sir.

Shanklin:
Higby's a fool.

I've been dissatisfied
with him for a long time.

Would like me
to get rid of him?

Hmm, yes, I think perhaps
that would be best,

but I've something
much more important

to talk to you about.

One of our old boys
is going to Washington next week

on a diplomatic mission.

Where is he?

There he is.

One of our finest
operators.

I don't remember him.

No, my dear,
he was before your time.

(knock on door)

Come in.

Yes, what is it?
I'm very busy at the moment.

Dr. Shanklin,
I've been looking forward

to seeing you
for a long time.

You are the leading authority
on Mrs. Piozzi, eh?

Mr. East,
who is this gentleman?

- It's Steed, Shanklin.
- Oh, I see.

Now I thought I gave you very
definite instructions, East.

I know, sir, but I thought you'd
prefer to do it yourself.

I'm afraid
I don't quite understand,

I just came to pick your
brains about Mrs. Piozzi.

- If I'm interrupting...
- Oh, no, no,
don't go, Mr. Steed.

I hate to let you down,
and I'm afraid

this might come
as rather a shock to you,

but, uh, Dr. Shanklin
will explain.

Steady, my dear.

Mr. East, your zealous
execution of my instructions

does you credit,
but I'm bound to say that

your method of carrying
them out is very,

- very reprehensible.
- I agree.

The question is, sir,
what do we do with him?

There's nothing much
you can do with him.

You see,
it isn't loaded.

I should take this one.

I think it's got
one or two in it.

Oh, "Boswell's life of Johnson."

The 1791 edition.

Ha, no wonder
it's out of print.

♪ Gray skies are going
to clear up ♪

♪ Put on
a happy smile... ♪

And where's our laudable
landlord this morning?

I don't know.

My sergeant friend says
he's helping the police

in their inquiries.

Oh, how public spirited
of him.

Oh, Sally, I've had a terrific
stay and here's the key.

Good morning, Dr. Johnson,
and how's Mrs. Piozzi?

She was in very good form
when I left her.

Oh, you haven't left
her at last.

- Here I am.
- Well, I must be off.

As Dr. Johnson says,
"The noblest ambition"

in a man's life, that's
a very rough translation

"is the high road
to London."

See you.

Oh, that's great,
that's just great, marvelous.

Are you coming, my love?

Why not? Bye.

Let me carry your case.

And now I think I'll have
the other half, Moira.

- Sally.
- Yes, thank you.

(theme music playing)