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1
00:00:05,420 --> 00:00:10,420
www.MovieFree4u.In
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WOMAN: I just don't want
to make one of these tapes
3
00:00:12,010 --> 00:00:13,760
if it's something you do
with every girl.
4
00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:18,520
MAN: Every girl? No, no.
I am strictly a one-woman guy.
5
00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:20,960
WOMAN: Well, I don't want to end up
all over the Internet.
6
00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:23,140
I pride myself on keeping a low profile.
7
00:00:23,310 --> 00:00:25,730
- My private life is private.
- Hm.
8
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:31,150
Wait. I thought you never did this
before. What are all these?
9
00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:34,200
Oh, uh, just some movies I rented.
10
00:00:34,950 --> 00:00:36,070
"Me and Brandy, Missionary"?
11
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,910
A tale of two girls who become nuns.
12
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,450
"Me and Brandy, Doggy"?
13
00:00:40,620 --> 00:00:44,120
The sequel. The nuns
adopt a chocolate lab.
14
00:00:44,290 --> 00:00:46,290
What are all those?
15
00:00:46,460 --> 00:00:47,790
Oh, that's just your standard
16
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,340
home security setup.
Basic run-of-the mill.
17
00:00:50,510 --> 00:00:53,010
No big deal, nothing too elaborate.
Everybody has them.
18
00:00:53,170 --> 00:00:55,890
And why do you need security cameras
pointing at your bed?
19
00:00:56,050 --> 00:00:58,350
In case a burglar tries
to steal my sex tapes.
20
00:00:58,510 --> 00:00:59,760
Now, let's get into bed.
21
00:00:59,930 --> 00:01:02,530
Let's just make this quick.
I have a court hearing in the morning.
22
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:05,440
- Judge Henderson?
- No. I wish. Thompson.
23
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,690
Mm. That's going to suck for you.
24
00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:10,190
It was a driving mishap thingy.
25
00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:12,280
Do me a favor.
Promise me you won't drive.
26
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,320
That's sweet.
You're worried about me driving.
27
00:01:14,490 --> 00:01:17,570
Mm-mm. I'm worried about me.
I'm a pedestrian.
28
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:20,200
(ELECTRICAL BUZZ)
- Ow!
29
00:01:20,370 --> 00:01:22,830
Sorry. That's my sobriety monitor.
30
00:01:24,660 --> 00:01:25,670
(ELECTRICAL BUZZ)
- Ow!
31
00:01:25,830 --> 00:01:27,830
Sorry. Sorry. (CLEARS THROAT)
32
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,590
Ankle. Tracking bracelet.
33
00:01:31,130 --> 00:01:33,380
- Oh, wait. Wait. Sorry, just...
(MOTOR RUMBLING)
34
00:01:35,510 --> 00:01:37,550
- Who put that on you?
- I did.
35
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:39,300
It's the only way
I can have an orgasm.
36
00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:42,930
- Not tonight.
(EXHALES)
37
00:01:44,810 --> 00:01:46,520
(BED SPRINGS SQUEAKING)
38
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,990
- What are you doing?
- Huh?
39
00:01:55,190 --> 00:01:58,240
Just... warming up.
40
00:02:00,660 --> 00:02:03,200
You sure we're alone here? Feels like
there's somebody else in this house.
41
00:02:03,370 --> 00:02:05,830
(SCREAM ECHOING)
- Did you hear that?
42
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,210
That's nothing.
43
00:02:08,370 --> 00:02:09,610
(CREAKING)
- OK, what is that?
44
00:02:09,670 --> 00:02:11,960
Just... unraveling the old hose.
45
00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:14,800
Save it for tomorrow, Raul.
46
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,590
Si, senor.
47
00:02:17,340 --> 00:02:19,680
(SOFT JAZZ PLAYING)
48
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:24,310
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
49
00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:06,140
(BELL DINGS)
50
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,020
(BELL DINGS)
51
00:03:19,110 --> 00:03:20,110
(HORN HONKS)
52
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,880
- Wow. That was amazing.
(PANTING)
53
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:34,500
(HORSE WHINNIES)
54
00:03:37,210 --> 00:03:38,210
LINDSAY: Charlie.
55
00:03:38,380 --> 00:03:41,630
- Wow.
- Get out of here, Emilio.
56
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:43,090
(SHRIEK ECHOES)
(GASPS)
57
00:03:43,260 --> 00:03:44,470
(GROANING)
58
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,310
Charlie, I'm scared.
59
00:03:46,470 --> 00:03:48,430
Lindsay, sweetie,
there's nothing to be afraid of.
60
00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:50,020
(SCREAMING)
61
00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:53,650
(SHRIEKS)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
62
00:03:53,810 --> 00:03:56,170
MAN: Hey, I got the stuff.
- I got to call you back, man.
63
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,610
(GROANS) Ow!
64
00:03:59,900 --> 00:04:02,660
(BOTH SCREAMING)
65
00:04:06,990 --> 00:04:08,450
I think I better go.
66
00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:11,080
Really? How about tomorrow? You busy?
67
00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:12,960
(SCREAMING)
68
00:04:15,290 --> 00:04:18,000
I'm going to blow you
across the room.
69
00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:19,460
Sounds awesome.
70
00:04:19,630 --> 00:04:21,880
(HISSES)
(GRUNTS)
71
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,000
NARRATOR: And thus our story begins.
72
00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:57,670
The large reward offered
for the rescue of Charlie's kids
73
00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,380
drew the attention of police,
private detectives
74
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:02,920
and Red Cross volunteers.
75
00:05:03,090 --> 00:05:06,140
Everyone was on high alert
for these children,
76
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:08,180
except these two guys.
77
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:11,810
No, man, Obamacare gives senior citizens
access to cheaper drugs,
78
00:05:11,970 --> 00:05:16,100
free preventative care, and it closes
the Medicare Part D loophole.
79
00:05:16,270 --> 00:05:18,900
And how does that help if I get
shampoo in my dick hole?
80
00:05:19,070 --> 00:05:20,610
- What?
- Mean to tell me you ain't never got
81
00:05:20,780 --> 00:05:22,400
- shampoo in your pee hole?
- OK.
82
00:05:22,570 --> 00:05:24,070
- Maybe like once or twice.
- Yeah, once or twice
83
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,820
when you was playing with yourself.
84
00:05:25,990 --> 00:05:27,740
No, I wasn't playing with myself.
85
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:30,080
I was showering,
and crazy got up in there.
86
00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:33,080
Bullshit. Cam Newton's
law of gravity is:
87
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:36,330
That thing must be up
in order for that soap to go down.
88
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:39,340
Well, either way,
that shit stings like hell.
89
00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:42,170
Sting like a mother, man, it feel
like it's a hornet up in there.
90
00:05:42,340 --> 00:05:45,420
And he found out his girl be, you know,
doing her thing with another man.
91
00:05:45,590 --> 00:05:47,470
- Exactly.
- I don't understand why
92
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,390
the shampoo company
can't fix that, man.
93
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:51,100
They got "No More Tears."
94
00:05:51,260 --> 00:05:52,970
Why they can't make no more
hornets in your dick?
95
00:05:53,140 --> 00:05:56,940
I don't really think they expect you
to use the No More Tears on your dick.
96
00:05:57,100 --> 00:05:58,700
Well, why they call it
Johnson & Johnson?
97
00:05:58,860 --> 00:06:01,420
I got a better question, man.
What the hell are two stoners doing
98
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,190
wandering around
these spooky-ass woods?
99
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:06,740
Look, it's going to be worth it.
I told you... this is Humboldt County.
100
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,990
This is where all the growers
grow their bomb-ass shit.
101
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,200
You think they're gonna be cool
with us just helping ourselves?
102
00:06:12,370 --> 00:06:13,870
Look, man, we ain't taking no plants.
103
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,160
We're gonna snip a few buds.
You know what I'm saying?
104
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:17,750
It's gonna grow back
just like a lobster paw.
105
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,170
You know, that's how nature do.
106
00:06:19,330 --> 00:06:21,010
I don't know, man.
Just doesn't feel right.
107
00:06:21,170 --> 00:06:23,490
Man, they ain't gonna care.
Look, man, we're gonna be cool.
108
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:26,090
We're gonna roll one blunt,
then we're gonna get up out of here.
109
00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:28,180
- Just one?
- Just one.
110
00:06:28,340 --> 00:06:29,340
(MEN SHOUTING)
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)
111
00:06:29,510 --> 00:06:31,640
- They won't care, huh?
- Man, just keep running.
112
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,930
Holy shit. Is that a drone? They're
going all Zero Dark Thirty on our ass.
113
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:36,350
(WHOOSHING)
(SCREAMS)
114
00:06:39,850 --> 00:06:41,690
Yo, I think they gone.
115
00:06:44,190 --> 00:06:48,650
Oh, whoa. It's a cabin in the woods.
We need to go hide over in there.
116
00:06:48,820 --> 00:06:50,160
Nah, man, I'm not going in there.
117
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:51,530
It reminds me of a horror movie
I once saw.
118
00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:54,870
- What horror movie?
- The one with the cabin in the woods.
119
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,540
- Friday the 13th?
- No.
120
00:06:56,700 --> 00:06:58,210
The one with the cabin in the woods.
121
00:06:58,370 --> 00:06:59,710
Texas Chain Saw Massacre?
122
00:06:59,870 --> 00:07:01,920
No, the one with the cabin
in the woods.
123
00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:03,460
- The Ring.
- Uh-uh.
124
00:07:03,630 --> 00:07:06,260
- The one with the cabin in the woods.
- Blair Witch Project.
125
00:07:06,420 --> 00:07:08,670
No, man, the one
with the cabin in the woods.
126
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:10,550
- The Munsters.
- That wasn't in the woods.
127
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:12,550
- They wasn't even a damn movie.
- Look, man,
128
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,360
we ain't got time
for this shit right now.
129
00:07:14,430 --> 00:07:16,310
We need to get to that cabin
in the woods.
130
00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:18,310
(GROANING)
131
00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:33,780
(CREAKING)
- What the hell is that sound?
132
00:07:33,950 --> 00:07:36,660
Sound like the house settling.
It looked new.
133
00:07:36,830 --> 00:07:38,580
- I'm gonna take a look around.
- Go ahead.
134
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:43,080
Ah! What is that?
135
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,180
- Ah!
- Ow!
136
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,550
(GROANS) Where we shooting?
- There.
137
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:56,010
- Where?
- The dark!
138
00:07:56,180 --> 00:07:57,600
- There?
- No, this dark.
139
00:07:58,430 --> 00:07:59,350
Over there.
140
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,400
Dude, what the hell was that?
141
00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:07,270
Big-ass Alaskan king crab
just ran up on me, man.
142
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,070
- Crab? Cuz, we banging?
- Ja'Marcus,
143
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,440
- put the guns down, man.
- Put yours down first, homey.
144
00:08:11,530 --> 00:08:14,820
All right, on three. One, two, three.
145
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,620
- Damn.
- You want to try it again?
146
00:08:17,790 --> 00:08:20,960
Sure. One, two, three.
147
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,710
One, two, three.
148
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,720
Uno, dos, tres.
149
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,970
Man, we could do this shit all day.
150
00:08:33,130 --> 00:08:34,800
- Truce?
- Truce.
151
00:08:36,180 --> 00:08:39,470
Hey, yo, D'Andre. Look, homey.
It's two little girls.
152
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:41,770
- They're little racist girls, man.
(GROWLING)
153
00:08:41,930 --> 00:08:45,150
Wearing blackface. Cool with that?
154
00:08:45,770 --> 00:08:48,730
- Hey, little girl, what's your name?
(GROWLING)
155
00:08:48,900 --> 00:08:51,990
(MOCKING GROWL)
(GROWLING)
156
00:08:52,150 --> 00:08:53,650
- What'd she say?
- She said, "I wonder what your leg"
157
00:08:53,820 --> 00:08:55,110
- "tastes like."
- What? Ah, man!
158
00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:56,620
Little spider girl bit me.
159
00:08:56,780 --> 00:08:57,990
Maybe you're going to get superpowers.
160
00:08:58,160 --> 00:08:59,990
- Ain't no black superheroes.
- I'm on it.
161
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:01,580
- Hi-ya!
(GRUNTS)
162
00:09:04,330 --> 00:09:08,000
Yo. D'Andre, I think they're
the missing kids from the news.
163
00:09:08,170 --> 00:09:09,500
- How can you be so sure?
- Look.
164
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:12,880
D'ANDRE: I don't know, man.
- Well, if it is the missing kids,
165
00:09:13,050 --> 00:09:15,170
I'm gonna take that reward money,
and I'm gonna buy me
166
00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:18,220
a yacht, fill it with cash,
bitches and a shark.
167
00:09:18,390 --> 00:09:19,750
Why would you want to buy a shark?
168
00:09:19,890 --> 00:09:21,810
Trust me... we're gonna need a shark.
169
00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:29,190
No, this can't be right.
170
00:09:30,980 --> 00:09:32,990
(BEEPING)
171
00:09:35,780 --> 00:09:36,990
(GRUNTING)
172
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,830
(URINATING)
(GROANING)
173
00:09:41,660 --> 00:09:42,750
(RINGING)
174
00:09:42,910 --> 00:09:44,330
Hi, Mom. (SHRIEKS)
175
00:09:45,250 --> 00:09:46,920
I got to call you back.
176
00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:49,960
No baby, no baby, no baby, no baby.
177
00:09:50,130 --> 00:09:51,130
(BEEPING)
178
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:52,780
FEMALE VOICE: You're pregnant...
- No!
179
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:56,720
...with anticipation over
the outcome of this iPregnancy test,
180
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,800
which has determined that you are...
181
00:09:59,970 --> 00:10:01,350
You got to be kidding me.
182
00:10:03,140 --> 00:10:04,230
Oh, no.
183
00:10:04,390 --> 00:10:05,940
Not pregnant.
184
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:07,980
You dodged a bullet, you lucky slut.
185
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:11,070
(SIGHS) Thank you, God. Sweet!
186
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,400
Great news: They found my brother's kids.
187
00:10:15,570 --> 00:10:16,820
Oh, crap.
188
00:10:16,990 --> 00:10:19,570
MAN: We're very fortunate
the older one, Kathy, has retained
189
00:10:19,740 --> 00:10:21,200
most of her vocabulary.
190
00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:23,490
The baby hasn't actually said a word.
191
00:10:23,660 --> 00:10:26,960
- Why not?
- Because he's a baby.
192
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,540
They've been alone here
over three long months.
193
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:35,340
I need to warn both of you
that this is not going to be easy.
194
00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:37,590
I'm ready for it.
195
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,260
- Hello.
- No, no. Wrong window.
196
00:10:40,430 --> 00:10:42,930
Here's where the children are.
197
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,430
(PANTING)
198
00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,650
- What is she doing?
MAN: In order to survive
199
00:10:49,810 --> 00:10:53,270
their extreme isolation, the girls
created an imaginary guardian,
200
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:57,650
a parent figure to feed them,
sing to them. They call her Mama.
201
00:10:57,820 --> 00:11:00,450
But these may help you break through.
202
00:11:00,610 --> 00:11:02,320
And the Ritalin may help, as well.
203
00:11:02,490 --> 00:11:04,740
The proper dosage
for someone their age is...
204
00:11:04,910 --> 00:11:06,200
Wish me luck.
205
00:11:06,370 --> 00:11:08,710
(CHILD PANTING)
206
00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:12,250
Hey, Lily.
207
00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:19,970
Oh, how cute.
208
00:11:22,470 --> 00:11:25,640
- OK.
- Kathy.
209
00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:28,730
It's OK, Kathy. Remember these?
210
00:11:28,890 --> 00:11:31,560
You used to wear them
to help you see better.
211
00:11:38,150 --> 00:11:39,650
No, no, no!
212
00:11:40,820 --> 00:11:43,820
Maybe we should get her
some contacts... the soft kind.
213
00:11:47,580 --> 00:11:49,000
Daddy?
214
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:52,370
No, sweetheart. Not Daddy.
215
00:11:52,540 --> 00:11:54,170
I'm your Uncle Dan. Remember?
216
00:11:54,340 --> 00:11:55,750
And this is Jody.
217
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,880
Jo... dy.
218
00:11:58,050 --> 00:12:00,880
Jody.
No pause between "Jo" and "dy."
219
00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:03,010
Jo... dy.
220
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:05,600
Dan, we're at an impasse.
I see constant conflict.
221
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,810
It's fine. They'll warm up to you.
222
00:12:07,970 --> 00:12:09,350
(CHILD GROWLING) Ow!
223
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,980
Hey, hey, hey, little lady,
that's not how...
224
00:12:12,140 --> 00:12:13,810
You little mother...!
225
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:21,030
Well, everything checks out.
They seem like good kids, Doc.
226
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,490
Just validate our parking.
We'll take them home.
227
00:12:22,660 --> 00:12:24,910
- Folks, I wish it were that easy.
- You don't validate?
228
00:12:25,070 --> 00:12:27,330
I'm saying the kids
are not yours to take.
229
00:12:27,490 --> 00:12:29,450
Well, you can't win them all.
Let's skedaddle.
230
00:12:29,620 --> 00:12:33,580
That's not fair. They're my brother
Charlie's kids. We deserve them.
231
00:12:33,750 --> 00:12:37,130
Do you? Your wife plays in a punk rock
band, staying out all night long,
232
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:39,960
high on drugs, sleeping with
a different man every night.
233
00:12:40,130 --> 00:12:42,880
I don't think the courts
are gonna look upon that too favorably.
234
00:12:43,050 --> 00:12:44,340
- But...
- I was just messing with you.
235
00:12:44,510 --> 00:12:45,790
- The kids are yours.
- They are?
236
00:12:45,930 --> 00:12:47,490
Did you hear that, honey? They're ours!
237
00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:51,100
On one condition. This house is owned
by the Institute for Case Studies.
238
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:53,310
Every room is fully wired with cameras.
239
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,060
If you move into the house,
you get the kids.
240
00:12:56,230 --> 00:12:59,110
Can't we just sell the house and put
the kids in a high-end orphanage?
241
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,490
Jody, do you really think
you're cut out to be a mom?
242
00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:02,650
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
243
00:13:02,820 --> 00:13:04,030
- Of course she is.
- Dan!
244
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:07,120
Now, no more rock band,
no more silly wig.
245
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,370
It's not silly. It's all a part of me.
246
00:13:09,540 --> 00:13:11,370
- And no more tattoos.
- What are you doing?
247
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:14,160
What I had to.
We're a perfect suburban couple.
248
00:13:14,330 --> 00:13:19,090
NARRATOR: And so Dan and Jody headed to
their new house with their new children.
249
00:13:19,250 --> 00:13:22,550
But, like a slutty sorority girl
returning from spring break,
250
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:27,260
they were also bringing home
a hidden evil.
251
00:13:28,510 --> 00:13:31,140
JODY: All right, kids,
here's our new house.
252
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:32,930
And here's Uncle Dan.
253
00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:36,270
Hi. Don't forget about mommy!
254
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:40,230
Dan, I'm not their mommy.
They can call me Aunt Jody.
255
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,650
- Or Jodes, J-Mom, Mrs. Sanders.
(PANTING)
256
00:13:42,820 --> 00:13:44,580
Or, if they really want
to call me... Garage!
257
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,370
DAN: Here comes Jody and Aidan,
258
00:13:48,530 --> 00:13:50,210
entering the house
for the very first time.
259
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:53,910
This is where we're going to protect you
and make sure nothing bad...
260
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:55,760
Oh, my God, Aidan!
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
261
00:13:55,790 --> 00:13:57,620
Maybe we should put him in the carrier.
262
00:13:57,790 --> 00:14:02,000
- There, see, that's better.
- Come on, Aidan. What, what, what?
263
00:14:02,170 --> 00:14:04,420
- Relax, it's OK.
- Oh, my gosh.
264
00:14:04,590 --> 00:14:06,430
- Dan, I lost the baby!
- What?
265
00:14:06,590 --> 00:14:09,390
Oh, my gosh, Aidan!
Aidan, where are you?!
266
00:14:09,550 --> 00:14:10,750
- Aidan!
DAN: Where did you go?
267
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:15,060
Oh, there he is, OK. (SIGHING)
268
00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:17,100
DAN: Here's your sister Kathy.
269
00:14:17,270 --> 00:14:18,600
Oh, Aidan, it's OK.
270
00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:20,570
DAN: You've just got to talk
in a baby voice.
271
00:14:20,650 --> 00:14:23,820
- It doesn't even matter what you say.
- OK.
272
00:14:23,980 --> 00:14:26,150
I'm your stepmommy.
273
00:14:27,610 --> 00:14:30,030
I'm not your fricking mommy.
274
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,450
- There you go, you're a natural.
(SNIFFING)
275
00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:34,660
- What's that smell?
(BABY GROANING)
276
00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:36,250
(SCREAMING)
277
00:14:36,410 --> 00:14:39,250
DAN: Oh, my God, what do I do?
Oh, oh! Here, this, hold on!
278
00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:42,420
(SCREAMING)
KATHY: Uncle Dan!
279
00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:46,220
DAN: Kathy! Oh, sorry!
- Ow!
280
00:14:46,380 --> 00:14:49,930
All right, there you go, sweetie.
281
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:53,430
Is it chilly in here? I felt it
as soon as I entered the room.
282
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,680
DAN: Feels fine. Hey, what are these?
283
00:14:55,850 --> 00:14:58,480
This is interesting. What is this?
284
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:01,230
I don't know, Mama drew that one.
285
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,110
Look, we drew this picture for Aidan.
286
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:10,410
See? It's Aidan
on a rocket to the moon.
287
00:15:10,570 --> 00:15:14,580
- Oh. Sitting on a rocket.
- Where's Lily?
288
00:15:14,740 --> 00:15:17,120
(GROWLING)
289
00:15:18,290 --> 00:15:20,370
Oh, no, sweetie, the other end.
290
00:15:21,290 --> 00:15:22,750
Ooh!
291
00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,170
Let's go introduce Aidan
to the rest of the family.
292
00:15:26,340 --> 00:15:27,590
(SNIFFING)
293
00:15:28,590 --> 00:15:29,590
(THUD)
294
00:15:30,090 --> 00:15:31,390
Oh, and there's
our furry family member.
295
00:15:31,550 --> 00:15:34,100
DAN: Yes, Maria.
JODY: No, Dan, Artie.
296
00:15:34,260 --> 00:15:36,220
DAN: Oh, yes, of course, our dog Artie.
297
00:15:36,390 --> 00:15:39,310
- Ay, the new baby. I make blessing.
- Oh.
298
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,310
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
299
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,150
OK, OK, that's good, Maria.
300
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:50,990
Oh, my gosh.
301
00:15:52,950 --> 00:15:54,830
NARRATOR: With three new kids
to care for,
302
00:15:54,990 --> 00:15:57,870
Dan really needed
to start performing at work.
303
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,750
Unfortunately he was having
some issues with a colleague.
304
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:05,460
DAN: OK, Caesar, this is
the one, I can feel it.
305
00:16:07,590 --> 00:16:10,880
Eighty-one seconds? Oh, Caesar.
306
00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:13,220
That's your worst time yet.
307
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:15,890
You're doing even worse
on your creativity test.
308
00:16:16,050 --> 00:16:19,600
I mean, look at all the imaginative
things I made out of blocks.
309
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,190
Like this awesome plane.
310
00:16:21,350 --> 00:16:23,020
(MAKING PLANE ENGINE SOUND)
311
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:26,060
(GRUNTS)
312
00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:30,030
Dan, do you have any results yet?
313
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,820
Oh, well, I've been injecting
the primates twice a day
314
00:16:32,990 --> 00:16:36,780
with the I-13 intelligence drug.
I'm hoping in a week or so...
315
00:16:36,950 --> 00:16:39,950
I hope Caesar is not just
a big waste of time and money.
316
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:43,750
I'm the one responsible to the board.
Just show me one thing positive.
317
00:16:44,710 --> 00:16:47,340
Look. They still throw their shit.
318
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:49,710
DAN: But now they can keep score.
319
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,260
(GRUNTING)
320
00:16:52,420 --> 00:16:55,050
We have to kick-start this thing.
When can we go to human trials?
321
00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:57,020
We're close, but there's
an intermediate step.
322
00:16:57,140 --> 00:17:00,560
If the I-13 works
on these reality wives...
323
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,770
- You better check that shit.
- Who gonna check me, boo?
324
00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:05,060
(OVERLAPPING SHOUTS)
325
00:17:05,230 --> 00:17:07,480
(GRUNTS, SCREAMS)
326
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,700
We're pinning the future
of our lab on wild beasts.
327
00:17:14,860 --> 00:17:16,700
They're not beasts.
328
00:17:16,870 --> 00:17:19,240
They have feelings, they have families.
329
00:17:19,410 --> 00:17:22,160
Males pee standing up,
females pee sitting down.
330
00:17:22,330 --> 00:17:24,460
These apes are just like you.
331
00:17:24,620 --> 00:17:27,500
And me... you and me, blacks and whites.
332
00:17:27,670 --> 00:17:31,000
More like whites, of course.
We whites are a lighter shade of ape
333
00:17:31,170 --> 00:17:34,010
whereas you are bla... dder infection,
we're all at risk.
334
00:17:34,170 --> 00:17:36,340
So, what were we talking
about again? Vaginas.
335
00:17:36,510 --> 00:17:37,840
- Shut up.
- Yes, of course.
336
00:17:38,010 --> 00:17:40,390
Caesar has got to show some human
intelligence at that board meeting...
337
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,770
Caesar's probably smarter
than half of those board members.
338
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:45,190
- Dan...
- I know what you're going to say.
339
00:17:45,350 --> 00:17:48,020
"If he's so smart,
why is he in a cage?"
340
00:17:48,810 --> 00:17:49,860
You're in the cage.
341
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,860
(BASS GUITAR PLAYING)
342
00:18:05,540 --> 00:18:07,040
What?
343
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,670
- Oh, you're looking for this?
- Uh-huh.
344
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:10,840
It's my ballerina doll.
345
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,170
- You made this?
- Mama did,
346
00:18:13,340 --> 00:18:17,470
using twigs, moss, spiderwebs,
sparrow bones, lizard eyes,
347
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:20,600
- all held together with rat droppings.
- Oh, geez.
348
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:29,310
(ELECTRICITY SURGING)
349
00:18:57,510 --> 00:18:58,550
(SCREAMS)
350
00:19:04,430 --> 00:19:07,520
(BASS NOTES PLAYING)
(VOCALIZING)
351
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,140
(SCREAMS)
352
00:19:10,690 --> 00:19:13,520
Ah, ah, ah. What... what are you doing?
353
00:19:13,690 --> 00:19:16,150
I just can't deal with these kids.
They're creepy.
354
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:17,490
We should just take 'em back.
355
00:19:17,650 --> 00:19:20,950
Maybe you guys just need
to find some common ground.
356
00:19:21,110 --> 00:19:23,430
What about that ballerina doll
Kathy's always playing with?
357
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,120
I don't want to talk about the ballet.
358
00:19:27,290 --> 00:19:29,410
I saw what the ballet did to my mom.
359
00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:32,080
She became obsessed.
360
00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:35,880
She even danced the swan
while she was pregnant with me.
361
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:37,840
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS)
362
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,140
- Boo, ray, boo!
- Shh!
363
00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:45,350
Shh. Hell. You better sit back
before I punch you in your damn throat.
364
00:19:45,510 --> 00:19:46,520
We're trying to enjoy the show.
365
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:50,440
You go on... shh... shh me again.
I double-dog dare you, hell.
366
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:52,560
Better ask somebody who I am.
367
00:19:57,780 --> 00:19:59,990
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
(GASPS)
368
00:20:00,740 --> 00:20:02,860
(TUBA PLAYS NOTE)
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING)
369
00:20:03,030 --> 00:20:04,700
- Whoa!
(AUDIENCE BOOING)
370
00:20:05,530 --> 00:20:08,080
(TUBA SQUAWKS)
MAN: Got it.
371
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,580
Mom was never the same.
372
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:16,340
That's unlikely
to ever happen again, ever.
373
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:19,840
Just give it a shot.
Look what I found earlier.
374
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,470
I mean, I know
it's just a local production.
375
00:20:21,630 --> 00:20:26,220
But could be something for you
and Kathy to talk about, could be fun.
376
00:20:26,390 --> 00:20:29,060
- You really think so?
- Yes.
377
00:20:29,220 --> 00:20:32,520
Well, I suppose I could check it out.
378
00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:35,770
OK. But the minute it becomes
too difficult, I'm giving up.
379
00:20:36,570 --> 00:20:37,690
That's the spirit.
380
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,710
NARRATOR: Even though Jody
only returned to the ballet
381
00:20:53,870 --> 00:20:55,460
to connect with the girls,
382
00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:59,460
as she got closer she couldn't help
but get excited at the prospect
383
00:20:59,630 --> 00:21:02,800
of becoming the Swan Queen.
384
00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:05,180
This season we open with "Swan Lake."
385
00:21:05,340 --> 00:21:07,380
As you all know, this piece
has the most challenging
386
00:21:07,510 --> 00:21:11,600
and demanding role in all
of ballet... the Swan Queen.
387
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:13,310
NARRATOR: Sizing up her competition,
388
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,230
Jody knew the battle
would be a tough one.
389
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,360
The white and the black.
390
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:21,530
Fortunately we have with us
prima ballerina and the lead
391
00:21:21,690 --> 00:21:25,780
in my last 146 productions...
Heather Darcy.
392
00:21:25,950 --> 00:21:27,910
(CLAPPING)
393
00:21:28,070 --> 00:21:30,830
Ah, the seasoned professional.
394
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:33,410
The still brilliant,
crusty, old, weathered,
395
00:21:33,580 --> 00:21:37,750
leather-faced elder statesman of ballet
to whom these young girls,
396
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,750
less experienced,
more beautiful and delicious,
397
00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:44,720
but still very raw ballerina hopefuls,
look up.
398
00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:48,470
Show these far more desirable children
how it's done, huh?
399
00:21:49,470 --> 00:21:51,640
- Music!
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ON PIANO)
400
00:21:57,730 --> 00:21:59,210
Try that thing where you are skipping
401
00:21:59,310 --> 00:22:01,440
and you hop and you spread
your legs a little bit.
402
00:22:04,900 --> 00:22:07,280
JODY: Look at that form,
that technique.
403
00:22:07,450 --> 00:22:09,070
I'll never be that good.
404
00:22:10,450 --> 00:22:11,790
I'm Jody, by the way.
405
00:22:11,950 --> 00:22:13,870
Kendra.
406
00:22:15,460 --> 00:22:17,960
- Are you going to try out?
- Me?
407
00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:21,420
Oh, I don't know.
I mean, I like to dance, but I just...
408
00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:23,300
I don't like to be the
center of attention.
409
00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:26,420
MAN: OK, who's next?
- Oh, food.
410
00:22:26,590 --> 00:22:27,970
- Huh?
(HIP-HOP PLAYS)
411
00:22:42,770 --> 00:22:45,820
It is as if I am seeing ballet
for the first time.
412
00:22:46,530 --> 00:22:47,820
That's not ballet.
413
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,450
MAN: The passion, the sensuality.
414
00:22:55,620 --> 00:22:58,870
An ass that makes you want to
crawl inside and take up residence.
415
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,500
I can show passion.
416
00:23:04,250 --> 00:23:05,340
Oh, yeah.
417
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,130
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh.
418
00:23:09,300 --> 00:23:12,220
NARRATOR: Jody certainly had
her work cut out for her.
419
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,350
That Kendra chick was smokin'.
420
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,180
Do you accept euros?
421
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:34,580
(GROANING ECHOES, POTS CLANG)
422
00:23:35,790 --> 00:23:37,000
(LOUD CLANG)
423
00:23:47,050 --> 00:23:50,220
Kathy, Lily, Aidan?
424
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:58,770
(SIGHS)
425
00:24:04,190 --> 00:24:05,230
- Jody? Ah!
(SCREAMS)
426
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:06,900
Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry.
427
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,190
- I'm so sorry.
- I'm fine.
428
00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:10,610
It was on the floor.
429
00:24:10,780 --> 00:24:14,070
Ah, probably a screw loose.
I'll fix it.
430
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:17,700
I feel like there's
something in this house.
431
00:24:17,870 --> 00:24:18,870
Like What?
432
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:22,920
Like I feel hot, clammy,
foul-smelling breath on my neck.
433
00:24:23,630 --> 00:24:24,500
(SHUDDERS)
434
00:24:24,670 --> 00:24:28,090
You need call psychic.
Kill bad spirits.
435
00:24:28,250 --> 00:24:31,260
- Ugh.
- No, Maria, enough of this stuff.
436
00:24:31,420 --> 00:24:34,550
OK, then I do blessing,
I protect house.
437
00:24:37,430 --> 00:24:39,720
Honey, you really need to relax.
438
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,440
You're just stressed out
about the children.
439
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:45,440
No, it's this house. I... I feel it.
440
00:24:45,610 --> 00:24:48,900
And Maria's a little off. I mean,
honestly do you really trust her?
441
00:24:49,070 --> 00:24:52,360
Oh, honey, don't worry,
she couldn't hurt a fly.
442
00:24:52,530 --> 00:24:54,370
Look, you have a big day
ahead of you tomorrow.
443
00:24:54,450 --> 00:24:56,780
Let's just get you some sleep, OK?
444
00:24:58,580 --> 00:24:59,740
Love you.
445
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:06,580
DAN: I don't believe this...
our whole house ransacked.
446
00:25:06,750 --> 00:25:09,050
You leave the house unattended
with the doors unlocked
447
00:25:09,210 --> 00:25:10,460
and look what happens.
448
00:25:10,630 --> 00:25:13,340
They didn't take anything.
It's just vandalism.
449
00:25:13,510 --> 00:25:15,760
Every room except
the kids' rooms was trashed.
450
00:25:15,930 --> 00:25:16,930
So you suspect the kids?
451
00:25:17,100 --> 00:25:19,390
It was Mama. Mama did it.
452
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,850
She hates this house.
She hates you.
453
00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:28,940
OK, Maria, this is camera.
Necesito filming.
454
00:25:29,110 --> 00:25:30,980
Thank you for helping me
clean up, sweetie.
455
00:25:31,150 --> 00:25:33,950
Oh, hey, been looking
all over for this thing.
456
00:25:34,110 --> 00:25:35,820
- Still got it...
(CHILD SCREAMS)
457
00:25:35,990 --> 00:25:38,490
I'm sorry! God, help, honey!
458
00:25:38,660 --> 00:25:42,250
Maria, honey, help! Geez!
Maria, put the camera...
459
00:25:42,410 --> 00:25:45,000
JODY: Oh, look at this.
460
00:25:45,170 --> 00:25:47,540
Mom coaching me
when I was a little girl.
461
00:25:47,710 --> 00:25:51,210
- Aw...
- Always applying the guilt trip.
462
00:25:51,380 --> 00:25:53,130
That got me the lead.
463
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,430
(BABY CRYING)
KATHY: Look, Maria.
464
00:25:56,590 --> 00:25:58,970
Maria, look what I found. What is this?
465
00:25:59,140 --> 00:26:03,930
Oh, uh, that's... a new type
of electric toothbrush.
466
00:26:05,230 --> 00:26:07,520
Vibrations knock the tartar
off your teeth.
467
00:26:08,350 --> 00:26:10,820
- Look, a whole box of toothbrushes.
DAN: Whoa.
468
00:26:10,980 --> 00:26:13,150
- This black one is huge.
- OK.
469
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,860
- And look, here's a double-sided one.
- All right.
470
00:26:16,030 --> 00:26:18,070
And one that I can strap on to my face.
471
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,370
Nope. Put that over here.
472
00:26:20,530 --> 00:26:23,330
Uncle Dan, what is this?
Beaded floss?
473
00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:25,580
That's grown-up floss, honey.
474
00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:28,330
(GROANS) Graffiti!
475
00:26:28,500 --> 00:26:30,590
Did you see this?
476
00:26:30,750 --> 00:26:33,920
Who does that?
What are we...? Maria.
477
00:26:34,090 --> 00:26:37,970
- Maria, por favor.
(MARIA EXCLAIMS IN SPANISH)
478
00:26:38,130 --> 00:26:41,760
Miss Jody, Miss Jody,
you call this man... Mr. Blaine.
479
00:26:41,930 --> 00:26:43,890
He helped my sister.
480
00:26:44,060 --> 00:26:46,480
- This is a psychic.
- Si, he'll help you.
481
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,440
No, what we really need
are more security cameras.
482
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:52,650
Uncle Dan. You know, these toothbrushes
look an awful lot like dildos.
483
00:27:19,220 --> 00:27:20,220
Ow!
484
00:27:22,100 --> 00:27:24,100
(GROANING, SCREAMING)
485
00:27:24,260 --> 00:27:25,770
(SIREN BLARING)
486
00:27:41,490 --> 00:27:43,530
(CHOKING, GAGGING)
487
00:28:01,180 --> 00:28:02,800
(ELECTRICITY SURGING)
(SCREAMING)
488
00:28:07,020 --> 00:28:10,310
(SIREN WAILING)
489
00:28:16,110 --> 00:28:18,780
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
490
00:28:21,070 --> 00:28:23,030
GIRL: This is fun, Mama.
491
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:24,950
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
492
00:28:34,130 --> 00:28:35,340
You're still awake?
493
00:28:36,710 --> 00:28:37,920
All right, listen, guys, it's just us
494
00:28:38,090 --> 00:28:39,850
until Uncle Dan comes back
from the hospital.
495
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,260
I don't like it,
you don't like it, I don't like it.
496
00:28:42,430 --> 00:28:44,800
Now go to sleep. I have to be up
early for ballet tomorrow.
497
00:28:51,020 --> 00:28:54,400
- You really like ballet, don't you?
- Yeah, but I don't want you to go.
498
00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:55,610
Why?
499
00:28:55,770 --> 00:28:57,860
Mama says you're going
to have an accident.
500
00:28:58,020 --> 00:29:02,200
Oh, OK. Is this the same Mama
who trashed the house?
501
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:04,320
Basically, yes.
502
00:29:05,030 --> 00:29:06,450
(GROANING)
503
00:29:10,500 --> 00:29:11,960
Don't go in there.
504
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:13,870
I wasn't going to.
505
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:15,330
Just don't.
506
00:29:15,500 --> 00:29:18,170
It's my house, I can if I want.
507
00:29:18,340 --> 00:29:19,500
I wouldn't.
508
00:29:19,670 --> 00:29:21,340
- Would.
- Wouldn't.
509
00:29:21,510 --> 00:29:23,340
- Would, too.
- Would not.
510
00:29:23,510 --> 00:29:26,510
You know what? I'm the adult.
You're not the boss of me.
511
00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:27,680
Don't.
512
00:29:49,410 --> 00:29:53,580
(GRUNTING) I told you
not to let anyone in!
513
00:29:53,750 --> 00:29:55,080
(FLATULENCE)
514
00:29:57,040 --> 00:30:00,380
(SCREAMING)
(CLATTERING)
515
00:30:00,550 --> 00:30:02,260
NARRATOR: And so Jody was...
516
00:30:02,420 --> 00:30:04,880
Oh, my God, I just smelled that.
517
00:30:05,050 --> 00:30:07,010
It just got to me, yeah.
518
00:30:07,180 --> 00:30:08,800
And so Jody was...
519
00:30:08,970 --> 00:30:10,930
Oh, no, I... I'm sorry,
you have to excuse me.
520
00:30:11,100 --> 00:30:12,220
I got to get some fresh air.
521
00:30:12,390 --> 00:30:14,390
The next section
should explain itself.
522
00:30:25,610 --> 00:30:27,740
(VACUUM STARTS)
523
00:30:28,950 --> 00:30:30,700
MAN: All right, attention.
524
00:30:30,870 --> 00:30:32,490
I do not wish to repeat myself.
525
00:30:32,660 --> 00:30:35,290
I repeat, I do not wish
to repeat myself.
526
00:30:35,460 --> 00:30:37,580
I require the sweater
I wear as a scarf.
527
00:30:37,750 --> 00:30:39,080
(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
528
00:30:40,290 --> 00:30:43,000
Ah. Comfortable, huh?
529
00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:47,630
Mm... Mother, please, I am working.
530
00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:51,260
All right, because Heather Darcy
is so old, this season
531
00:30:51,430 --> 00:30:53,220
we will have a new Swan Queen,
532
00:30:53,390 --> 00:30:57,100
and that person is Jody Sanders.
533
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:05,110
Now, Jody, show us your routine.
534
00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:07,990
No, I'm the Swan Queen.
535
00:31:08,950 --> 00:31:11,740
- Watch me. Ah...!
(CRASH)
536
00:31:11,910 --> 00:31:14,660
As I was saying, my choice for new...
537
00:31:14,830 --> 00:31:16,950
HEATHER: Her?! Anyone but her!
538
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:20,670
You might just as well
have picked the janitor!
539
00:31:20,830 --> 00:31:23,540
- Me?
(SWING JAZZ PLAYS)
540
00:31:31,010 --> 00:31:33,640
- Ira, please, not now. OK.
- What?
541
00:31:33,810 --> 00:31:35,810
Yes, it was a difficult decision,
542
00:31:35,970 --> 00:31:38,770
but I have always been
attracted to Jody.
543
00:31:38,940 --> 00:31:40,900
How could I not? She has
the body of a fifth-grade boy.
544
00:31:41,060 --> 00:31:43,980
But in the event that she
is unable to dance,
545
00:31:44,150 --> 00:31:48,150
I am naming as her
understudy Kendra Brooks.
546
00:31:52,490 --> 00:31:54,620
All right, that's lunch.
547
00:32:09,010 --> 00:32:11,880
Ooh, this is a nice house.
I'm gonna go find the girls.
548
00:32:14,010 --> 00:32:17,010
Kathy, how did you know I was going to
have an accident today at the ballet?
549
00:32:17,140 --> 00:32:18,270
Mama told me.
550
00:32:18,430 --> 00:32:21,770
OK, well, how did Mama know
I was going to have an accident?
551
00:32:21,940 --> 00:32:23,730
(WHOOSHING SOUND)
552
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:28,690
Oh, there you are.
I found this bandage on my head.
553
00:32:28,860 --> 00:32:31,820
Dan, please. I think there is something
going on in this house,
554
00:32:31,990 --> 00:32:33,280
something about this Mama.
555
00:32:33,450 --> 00:32:35,290
I'm gonna call the psychic
Maria told us about.
556
00:32:35,370 --> 00:32:37,090
Jody, do you really
think we need a psychic?
557
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:38,320
KATHY: Uncle Dan, come here.
558
00:32:38,370 --> 00:32:40,160
- Coming.
- I want to show you something.
559
00:32:41,660 --> 00:32:45,500
Uncle Dan, Mama taught me some tricks.
Look what I can do.
560
00:32:46,750 --> 00:32:49,050
- Oh, wow, that's really good, honey.
AIDAN: Dada.
561
00:32:49,210 --> 00:32:51,840
(SHUDDERING) Good Lord.
562
00:32:52,010 --> 00:32:55,220
- Uncle Dan, look at me.
- Evil spirits.
563
00:32:55,390 --> 00:32:56,720
Look, Mr. Dan, look.
564
00:32:56,890 --> 00:32:59,640
Isn't that one of Jody's bathing suits?
565
00:32:59,810 --> 00:33:02,850
You're facing something our
human minds cannot imagine.
566
00:33:03,020 --> 00:33:05,520
- Mama.
(DAN EXCLAIMS)
567
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:08,440
Let's get you in a robe.
568
00:33:09,730 --> 00:33:11,410
Do you want to hear
about the ballet today?
569
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:15,740
- Mama's helping us get ready.
- Oh, OK, I'll brush, too.
570
00:33:18,950 --> 00:33:21,500
Hm. Where did my toothbrush go?
571
00:33:24,790 --> 00:33:26,460
(WHIMPERS)
572
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:30,380
Hey, we don't lick our balls
in this house.
573
00:33:30,550 --> 00:33:32,920
Sorry, won't happen again.
574
00:33:34,510 --> 00:33:35,970
NARRATOR: Try as she might,
575
00:33:36,140 --> 00:33:39,260
Jody just couldn't seem
to connect with those kids.
576
00:33:39,430 --> 00:33:42,060
Or get the taste of that
toothbrush out of her mouth.
577
00:33:42,230 --> 00:33:44,850
Was it just eight-year-old teen angst,
578
00:33:45,020 --> 00:33:48,400
or were there otherworldly
forces at work here?
579
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:50,570
(GULPING)
580
00:34:56,720 --> 00:34:58,630
(EERIE MOANING)
581
00:35:02,850 --> 00:35:04,180
- Baby?
- Hm?
582
00:35:04,350 --> 00:35:05,670
- Babe, I heard something.
- What?
583
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:06,730
I think there's someone in the kitchen.
584
00:35:06,890 --> 00:35:09,600
See? There's nobody down here.
585
00:35:09,770 --> 00:35:11,860
There it is again!
Right there. Go look.
586
00:35:12,020 --> 00:35:16,110
Jody, calm down. See, there's nothing
to worry about. It's just...
587
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:18,150
(JODY SCREAMS)
- Oh, God! Geez!
588
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:20,700
(SCREAMING)
(MICROWAVE BEEPS)
589
00:35:20,870 --> 00:35:22,490
Dan, I'm calling the psychic!
590
00:35:22,660 --> 00:35:24,180
- Ah! Make the call!
(DOORBELL RINGS)
591
00:35:25,700 --> 00:35:27,540
Blaine Fulda, professional psychic.
592
00:35:27,710 --> 00:35:29,040
Hi, I'm Jody.
593
00:35:29,210 --> 00:35:31,580
- Indeed you are.
- Yes. And this is my husband Dan.
594
00:35:31,750 --> 00:35:34,590
Your payment as requested.
$500 in unmarked bills.
595
00:35:34,750 --> 00:35:36,550
(SNIFFS)
- And of course, you know Maria.
596
00:35:36,710 --> 00:35:39,220
- Hola, Mr. Blaine.
- Hi, Maria. How's your sister?
597
00:35:39,380 --> 00:35:41,590
Dead. Demon kill her.
598
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:43,600
Well, that explains
the unreturned phone calls.
599
00:35:43,720 --> 00:35:46,220
I'm sensing evil.
600
00:35:46,390 --> 00:35:49,310
I'm gonna have to get some of
your personal belongings here,
601
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:52,100
just so I can check for
demon and ghost residue.
602
00:35:52,270 --> 00:35:53,480
I'm not gonna be able
to lift all those monitors,
603
00:35:53,650 --> 00:35:56,820
but I'll send my cousin tomorrow with
the white van. He can get them in there.
604
00:35:56,980 --> 00:35:58,780
Dan was attacked
by the kitchen last night.
605
00:35:58,940 --> 00:36:01,410
- We think it might be Mama.
- Kitchen attack?
606
00:36:01,570 --> 00:36:03,070
You could've said that earlier.
607
00:36:03,240 --> 00:36:05,990
If a room turns on you,
it's either a ghost or a demon.
608
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:10,580
Can a demon take over someone?
Like, live within them?
609
00:36:10,750 --> 00:36:12,170
Damn, that's some scary shit.
610
00:36:12,330 --> 00:36:14,460
So a demon is about
the worst thing you can have?
611
00:36:14,630 --> 00:36:17,340
No, ma'am, an STD is the
worst thing that you can have.
612
00:36:17,510 --> 00:36:21,010
Who do you know who wants to hurt you?
Do you have a jealous colleague at work?
613
00:36:21,180 --> 00:36:23,090
A Facebook friend
you might have ignored?
614
00:36:23,260 --> 00:36:26,350
Maybe you adopted a small
African child named Ikatababwe,
615
00:36:26,510 --> 00:36:28,560
promising to feed
this nigga for 25 cents a day.
616
00:36:28,770 --> 00:36:30,250
But then he needs something to drink!
617
00:36:31,190 --> 00:36:33,520
- Anyway, let's begin.
- OK.
618
00:36:33,690 --> 00:36:36,020
This is the evil communicator.
619
00:36:36,190 --> 00:36:39,110
When I put this on, I'll be able
to cross over to the other side
620
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:41,610
and confront the entity.
That will immediately trigger
621
00:36:41,780 --> 00:36:46,370
the final $350 payment of
child support to Tisha Fulda.
622
00:36:46,530 --> 00:36:49,790
And if you guys would just join hands,
close eyes and concentrate.
623
00:36:49,950 --> 00:36:53,170
Empty your mind of all
the thoughts of today's troubles.
624
00:36:54,380 --> 00:36:56,790
Everything that went on,
get that out of your mind.
625
00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:59,130
This is all about the spirit world here.
626
00:36:59,300 --> 00:37:03,550
And three, two and one.
627
00:37:05,930 --> 00:37:08,970
(MOANING)
628
00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:12,140
What's happening? Things are starting
to move all by itself!
629
00:37:14,060 --> 00:37:15,690
JODY: Breathe! Breathe!
630
00:37:15,860 --> 00:37:17,650
- Wait, I don't think he can breathe!
DAN: He's a pro!
631
00:37:17,820 --> 00:37:20,650
A sophisticated piece of equipment
like that? Of course he can breathe.
632
00:37:20,820 --> 00:37:23,150
(GASPING) Shit, I couldn't breathe.
633
00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:26,030
Almost killed myself.
All right, I communicated.
634
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:28,580
- It was definitely a demon.
- Oh, my God.
635
00:37:29,870 --> 00:37:32,370
Wait a minute. I was wrong.
It's a ghost.
636
00:37:32,540 --> 00:37:34,000
So strong.
637
00:37:34,790 --> 00:37:35,920
- Ow!
(GASPS)
638
00:37:36,750 --> 00:37:38,030
BLAINE: Help, it's got me!
- Dan!
639
00:37:38,130 --> 00:37:39,550
- Dan, wake up!
- Ma'am, you got to
640
00:37:39,710 --> 00:37:43,090
get out of here. It's evil!
It's pure evil! It's Mama!
641
00:37:55,140 --> 00:37:57,310
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
642
00:38:03,740 --> 00:38:05,500
Now do you believe
that something's going on?
643
00:38:05,610 --> 00:38:07,910
He got dragged away,
yelling out, "Mama."
644
00:38:08,070 --> 00:38:10,080
He got dragged away?
I don't remember that.
645
00:38:10,240 --> 00:38:13,500
- Dan, you were unconscious.
- I don't remember that, either.
646
00:38:13,660 --> 00:38:15,210
Look, honey, I don't want to argue.
647
00:38:15,370 --> 00:38:17,330
The important thing is,
we love each other, OK?
648
00:38:17,500 --> 00:38:19,900
No, the important thing is that
this Mama thing could be real
649
00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:21,630
and she might be trying to kill us.
650
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,760
Jod, that guy was a fraud
and that's it. OK?
651
00:38:32,930 --> 00:38:34,690
(INDISTINCT WHISPER)
(CHILD'S SCREAM ECHOING)
652
00:38:34,730 --> 00:38:36,890
- What's that?
- My penis.
653
00:38:37,060 --> 00:38:38,690
- No.
- Yes.
654
00:38:38,850 --> 00:38:40,110
(CHILD'S SCREAM ECHOING)
655
00:38:40,270 --> 00:38:43,480
- There, right now, there.
- I know. I'm trying.
656
00:38:43,650 --> 00:38:46,860
- What the hell is that?
- My penis?
657
00:38:47,820 --> 00:38:50,200
(LOW GROWL)
- What's making that sound?
658
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:05,460
(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
659
00:39:52,010 --> 00:39:53,850
(CLANGING)
660
00:39:55,140 --> 00:39:57,470
Dan, what is that?
661
00:39:59,310 --> 00:40:00,810
My penis.
662
00:40:05,730 --> 00:40:07,280
(MARIA GASPING)
663
00:40:09,860 --> 00:40:11,740
(GASPING)
664
00:40:11,910 --> 00:40:13,740
(EXCLAIMING IN SPANISH)
665
00:40:34,970 --> 00:40:37,930
(SNIFFING) Is that smoke?
666
00:40:39,390 --> 00:40:41,810
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
667
00:40:41,980 --> 00:40:45,860
Maria! What are you doing?!
You're gonna burn down the house!
668
00:40:46,020 --> 00:40:48,190
Kill bad spirits!
669
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:51,820
- What is going on? (COUGHS)
- Maria almost burned the house down.
670
00:40:51,990 --> 00:40:53,030
- What?
- That's it, she's got...
671
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:54,200
(CHANTING IN SPANISH)
672
00:40:54,370 --> 00:40:58,910
Enough! This is getting out of hand.
You're scaring everybody.
673
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:01,120
You can't fire her. I mean,
she's been with us for years.
674
00:41:01,290 --> 00:41:02,580
I don't know what to do.
675
00:41:02,750 --> 00:41:04,830
- That's discrimination.
- OK, now what the hell?
676
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:08,340
- This is completely insane!
- It's what she believes in, honey!
677
00:41:08,500 --> 00:41:09,630
Give me that!
678
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:12,630
MARIA: You're gonna let me go?!
Your family is not safe!
679
00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:14,930
I'm sorry, Maria,
it's just not working out.
680
00:41:15,090 --> 00:41:17,810
I'll give you a recommendation,
just nothing involving kids
681
00:41:17,970 --> 00:41:20,720
- or within a mile of anyone's house.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
682
00:41:22,140 --> 00:41:25,850
I can't do this anymore.
I got to go to work.
683
00:41:26,020 --> 00:41:27,700
I don't even understand
what you're saying!
684
00:41:49,000 --> 00:41:50,000
(CLANGS)
685
00:42:01,970 --> 00:42:03,890
Ow!
686
00:42:04,060 --> 00:42:05,690
MAN: Ladies and gentlemen,
687
00:42:05,850 --> 00:42:08,610
for the past two years,
our own Dan Sanders has been
688
00:42:08,770 --> 00:42:11,440
testing the I-13 compound on 30 apes.
689
00:42:11,610 --> 00:42:13,860
Unfortunately, 29 of them turned into
690
00:42:14,030 --> 00:42:16,610
insane, aggressive,
deviant sexual predators.
691
00:42:16,780 --> 00:42:18,780
But one, Caesar,
692
00:42:18,950 --> 00:42:22,040
has experienced a huge leap
in intelligence.
693
00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,370
Here he plays three opponents.
694
00:42:24,540 --> 00:42:25,910
Of course, they're apes.
695
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:30,880
But Caesar's superior capabilities
are the work of one man.
696
00:42:31,050 --> 00:42:34,550
The brains behind
the I-13 project, Dan San...
697
00:42:34,720 --> 00:42:36,050
- Are you OK?
- I'm fine, Martin.
698
00:42:36,220 --> 00:42:39,640
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to introduce you to Caesar...
699
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:41,080
You're not getting away from me!
700
00:42:41,180 --> 00:42:43,020
- Oof!
(SCREECHING)
701
00:42:43,720 --> 00:42:46,140
(GROANING)
702
00:42:47,350 --> 00:42:49,560
(GRUNTS)
- Oh, no!
703
00:42:50,940 --> 00:42:53,480
(ALARM SOUNDING)
(APES SCREECHING)
704
00:42:53,650 --> 00:42:54,940
(GASPS)
705
00:42:55,110 --> 00:42:56,240
(SCREAMING)
706
00:43:08,330 --> 00:43:10,500
Traffic is backed up
on the Broad Street Bridge,
707
00:43:10,670 --> 00:43:14,130
where apparently police are battling
dozens of apes in a running gunfight.
708
00:43:14,300 --> 00:43:17,340
Our reports indicate that
a scientist at a research laboratory
709
00:43:17,510 --> 00:43:20,430
gave these apes an experimental
intelligence drug.
710
00:43:20,590 --> 00:43:24,100
I'm being told that all available
officers are now on the scene.
711
00:43:24,260 --> 00:43:29,390
But at this time, we are advising all
our viewers to find alternate routes.
712
00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:32,360
I'm now being told
we have the actual 911 call
713
00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:34,690
that first alerted the police
to the situation.
714
00:43:34,860 --> 00:43:37,110
MAN: - 911, what's your emergency?
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
715
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:39,860
WOMAN: Oh, my God!
Apes are inside the house!
716
00:43:40,030 --> 00:43:42,200
MAN: Calm down, ma'am. What happened?
717
00:43:42,370 --> 00:43:44,280
WOMAN: We were making love and...
Oh, my God!
718
00:43:44,450 --> 00:43:46,370
- They're attacking him!
MAN: - Who are they attacking, ma'am?
719
00:43:46,540 --> 00:43:50,210
WOMAN: Carl! Oh, my God!
Please, help him!
720
00:43:50,370 --> 00:43:52,540
MAN: - Where is your husband right now?
WOMAN: - Carl's not my husband.
721
00:43:52,710 --> 00:43:56,380
My husband's the anchor for
Channel 12 News. He can't know about it.
722
00:43:56,550 --> 00:43:58,130
MAN: - OK, ma'am, but we need to...
WOMAN: - Hurry!
723
00:43:58,300 --> 00:44:00,260
Send help while my husband's
still on the air!
724
00:44:00,430 --> 00:44:02,850
MAN: Ma'am, that's not important.
Your life is.
725
00:44:03,010 --> 00:44:05,060
WOMAN: Yeah, you're right.
Why should he care?
726
00:44:05,220 --> 00:44:08,480
I mean, I'm pretty sure he's been
sleeping with his co-anchor, that bitch!
727
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:09,850
Oh, I'm gonna rip her...
728
00:44:10,020 --> 00:44:12,230
(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
729
00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:16,400
KENDRA: Congratulations, girl.
730
00:44:16,570 --> 00:44:19,990
I knew it was gonna be you.
You're just so perfect, so mechanical.
731
00:44:20,150 --> 00:44:22,700
Watching you dance
is like watching a robot.
732
00:44:22,870 --> 00:44:24,070
Thanks.
733
00:44:26,330 --> 00:44:27,910
So hungry.
734
00:44:30,500 --> 00:44:31,500
Mm.
735
00:44:31,670 --> 00:44:34,040
- Is that all?
- Pierre has a weight limit.
736
00:44:34,210 --> 00:44:37,000
I'm too heavy. Look at Mara.
737
00:44:37,170 --> 00:44:39,510
She looks great.
738
00:44:41,090 --> 00:44:42,260
Look, are you sure you're OK?
739
00:44:43,340 --> 00:44:44,940
Weird things have been
happening at home.
740
00:44:45,010 --> 00:44:47,180
Kathy said there was
going to be an accident.
741
00:44:47,350 --> 00:44:51,270
- Then it happened to Heather.
- That's some serious shit.
742
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:53,650
You should talk to those kids.
743
00:44:53,810 --> 00:44:55,360
Whoa, pizza.
744
00:44:58,610 --> 00:45:03,530
I eat and eat and eat,
and I don't gain a pound.
745
00:45:06,660 --> 00:45:08,660
(JODY RETCHING)
746
00:45:13,580 --> 00:45:15,130
(SIGHING)
747
00:45:17,790 --> 00:45:18,880
(GASPING)
748
00:45:28,930 --> 00:45:30,600
Heather!
749
00:45:31,980 --> 00:45:33,480
You think you can replace me?
750
00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:38,230
Well, we'll see how you like it
once the swan consumes you!
751
00:45:48,830 --> 00:45:50,740
Damn it!
752
00:45:51,330 --> 00:45:52,660
Door!
753
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:55,830
Son of a bitch!
754
00:45:58,540 --> 00:46:01,590
Oh, I didn't know
you were such a good builder.
755
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:04,340
Wow.
756
00:46:05,470 --> 00:46:08,550
Kathy, I want you
to tell me about Mama.
757
00:46:08,720 --> 00:46:11,720
Mama doesn't like it
when you talk about her.
758
00:46:11,890 --> 00:46:12,930
Who is Mama?
759
00:46:13,100 --> 00:46:15,350
She was a woman who
read from an evil book.
760
00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:18,810
Sometimes she comes to us in a dream.
761
00:46:18,980 --> 00:46:20,940
- In a dream?
(LOW NOTES SOUNDING)
762
00:46:21,110 --> 00:46:23,280
In your dreams, of course.
763
00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:25,280
I wish I could see
what's inside your dreams.
764
00:46:25,450 --> 00:46:26,820
(LOW NOTES SOUNDING)
765
00:46:26,990 --> 00:46:30,160
To extract what's in your dreams.
To perform an inception.
766
00:46:30,330 --> 00:46:31,370
(LOW NOTES SOUNDING)
767
00:46:31,540 --> 00:46:33,870
Will you drop that?
That's my birth tuba.
768
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:35,080
(DOORBELL RINGS)
769
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:41,000
Hello. I'm Dom Kolb.
You called about a dream extraction?
770
00:46:41,170 --> 00:46:43,550
JODY: Yes. I need to find
out about an evil book.
771
00:46:43,710 --> 00:46:44,880
Mm-hm.
772
00:46:45,090 --> 00:46:47,760
This machine will allow us
access to the dream world.
773
00:46:47,930 --> 00:46:49,220
Let's begin.
774
00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:55,140
So when do we start dreaming?
775
00:46:55,310 --> 00:46:57,940
You never really remember
the beginning of a dream,
776
00:46:58,100 --> 00:46:59,310
- do you?
- I guess.
777
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:01,440
(RUMBLING)
- OK, then,
778
00:47:01,610 --> 00:47:05,280
this is your first lesson
in shared dreaming. Stay calm.
779
00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:08,110
Sorry. I dropped my phone in there.
780
00:47:09,240 --> 00:47:12,580
You need to clear your subconscious.
And watch what you think about.
781
00:47:12,740 --> 00:47:15,000
- Nothing crazy.
- Right.
782
00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:17,870
Like having your crotch
burst into flames.
783
00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:19,540
(SCREAMING)
(GASPS)
784
00:47:23,590 --> 00:47:24,880
(GASPS)
785
00:47:27,970 --> 00:47:31,180
(GASPS) What does that
have to do with Ma...?
786
00:47:31,350 --> 00:47:33,930
- Hey!
- Oh.
787
00:47:34,810 --> 00:47:38,230
- Let's start over.
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS)
788
00:47:43,150 --> 00:47:45,110
I'm Jody Sanders.
789
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:47,360
Yes, my dear. I've been expecting you.
790
00:47:47,530 --> 00:47:49,360
Please, come in.
791
00:47:49,530 --> 00:47:51,160
They call me Christian Grey.
792
00:47:52,030 --> 00:47:53,240
(SNIFFING)
793
00:47:55,330 --> 00:47:57,200
How do you like my blue room?
794
00:47:57,370 --> 00:48:00,290
- It's red.
- Oh. I'm color-blind.
795
00:48:00,460 --> 00:48:02,710
My decorator assured me that...
Never mind.
796
00:48:05,550 --> 00:48:07,210
- Champagne?
- Mm.
797
00:48:08,470 --> 00:48:10,300
(CLACKING)
798
00:48:14,510 --> 00:48:15,970
Have a seat.
799
00:48:20,270 --> 00:48:21,270
I'll stand.
800
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:24,820
Hey, Christian, man, golly, man!
I'd like to thank you a lot, man,
801
00:48:24,980 --> 00:48:27,320
for working on my prostrate
like it was a speed bag.
802
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:30,450
Yes, Michael, I must admit, I was
surprised at your performance, as well.
803
00:48:30,610 --> 00:48:33,910
Not bad for a washed-up, overweight,
facially tattooed...
804
00:48:34,070 --> 00:48:35,490
(GRUNTS)
805
00:48:35,660 --> 00:48:36,700
Do it again.
806
00:48:39,330 --> 00:48:40,830
(LAUGHS) Oh...!
807
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:48,550
I have no idea what that one was.
808
00:48:49,340 --> 00:48:51,300
Me neither.
809
00:48:53,180 --> 00:48:55,300
Mama, are you here?
810
00:48:55,470 --> 00:48:59,060
WOMAN: Dom, is that you?
- Oh, shit.
811
00:48:59,220 --> 00:49:02,520
You said you'd had a dream
that we'd grow old together.
812
00:49:02,690 --> 00:49:04,400
Right. And We Will.
813
00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:07,610
- What are you doing here?
- Hi.
814
00:49:07,770 --> 00:49:09,890
How could you bring her here?
What about our children?
815
00:49:09,990 --> 00:49:13,530
- They're not real.
- Yes, they are. Watch.
816
00:49:13,700 --> 00:49:15,740
James, Phillippa!
817
00:49:17,580 --> 00:49:18,410
Ew.
818
00:49:24,370 --> 00:49:26,960
You're not gonna jump, are you?
819
00:49:27,130 --> 00:49:29,840
I hadn't thought about that.
Thank you.
820
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:32,720
(SCREAMING)
(CRASHING)
821
00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:33,930
OK, we're not getting anywhere.
822
00:49:34,090 --> 00:49:35,550
What does any of this
have to do with Kathy?
823
00:49:35,720 --> 00:49:37,510
Kathy? I thought you were Kathy.
824
00:49:40,890 --> 00:49:42,060
Oh.
825
00:49:55,820 --> 00:50:00,910
"Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto."
(GASPS)
826
00:50:18,550 --> 00:50:20,760
(JODY SCREAMS, DISTORTED)
What's happening to me?!
827
00:50:20,930 --> 00:50:22,350
(GASPS, PANTING)
828
00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:25,600
- That must have been her.
- Mama.
829
00:50:26,730 --> 00:50:28,480
She wants to take us home to the cliff.
830
00:50:29,940 --> 00:50:31,780
- What does that mean?
- I don't know.
831
00:50:32,900 --> 00:50:34,900
But I trust you'll give me
a favorable Yelp review?
832
00:50:37,700 --> 00:50:40,410
(BARKING)
833
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:43,480
NARRATOR: Jody's mission was clear.
834
00:50:43,620 --> 00:50:45,540
The evil book that created Mama
835
00:50:45,710 --> 00:50:49,250
was located in the cellar
of a cabin, in the woods.
836
00:50:49,420 --> 00:50:53,550
If she could find that cabin,
maybe she could find some answers.
837
00:50:53,710 --> 00:50:56,800
If we can find that cabin,
maybe we can find some answers.
838
00:50:56,970 --> 00:50:58,840
OK, calm down. I'm gonna come over.
839
00:50:59,010 --> 00:51:00,390
(ELECTRICITY SURGING)
840
00:51:00,550 --> 00:51:01,850
- Kendra?
- What?
841
00:51:02,010 --> 00:51:03,560
(PANTING)
842
00:51:03,720 --> 00:51:05,640
OK, wait, what's going on now?
843
00:51:05,810 --> 00:51:08,140
I think she's out there!
844
00:51:09,650 --> 00:51:11,730
OK, OK, just... you stay calm!
845
00:51:11,900 --> 00:51:13,140
FEMALE VOICE: Front door open.
846
00:51:13,150 --> 00:51:15,280
- She's in the house!
- Front door open.
847
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:17,570
- OK, stay...
- Front door open.
848
00:51:17,740 --> 00:51:19,160
Shut the hell up!
849
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:20,950
FEMALE VOICE: No need for that, bitch.
850
00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:23,080
- Bitch?! (HIGH PITCHED SQUEAL)
- Front door open.
851
00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,290
- No, you did not just call me a bitch!
- Front door open...
852
00:51:25,450 --> 00:51:26,450
(SCREAMING)
853
00:51:28,620 --> 00:51:30,040
- Honey?
- Dan?!
854
00:51:30,210 --> 00:51:34,170
I am so sorry. I didn't know
who you were and...
855
00:51:34,340 --> 00:51:38,050
It's OK, honey, it was an accident.
Right, Caesar?
856
00:51:38,220 --> 00:51:40,970
- And of course he can stay here.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
857
00:51:44,140 --> 00:51:46,350
Look at that. Caesar wants to help out
around the house.
858
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:47,520
Aw.
859
00:51:48,100 --> 00:51:50,400
Hey... (SCREAMING)
860
00:51:56,360 --> 00:51:58,700
I'm sorry, I see an ape,
I come out swinging.
861
00:51:58,860 --> 00:52:01,950
- That's understandable.
(GRUNTING)
862
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:03,620
Here you go.
863
00:52:03,780 --> 00:52:06,750
I am so glad you're OK,
but tonight was a wake-up call.
864
00:52:06,910 --> 00:52:10,710
- I think we've got to find that cabin.
- OK. I got an idea.
865
00:52:10,870 --> 00:52:14,290
Wait, we fired Maria.
Who's gonna watch the kids?
866
00:52:14,460 --> 00:52:16,960
- I already took care of it.
(DOORBELL RINGS)
867
00:52:18,300 --> 00:52:21,010
- Naughty Nanny's here.
- Nice to meet you, Naughty.
868
00:52:21,180 --> 00:52:24,220
- This is my wife Jody.
- Threesome? That costs extra.
869
00:52:25,310 --> 00:52:28,020
Oh, Jesus. Monkey, too?
870
00:52:28,180 --> 00:52:32,100
Oh, you people are freaks,
but for an extra $100.
871
00:52:32,270 --> 00:52:33,650
What agency did you call?
872
00:52:33,810 --> 00:52:36,360
Oh, they have nurses
and cheerleaders and nannies.
873
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:38,780
Dan, you called an escort service.
874
00:52:38,940 --> 00:52:41,660
I used the same agency
to book a Santa for Christmas.
875
00:52:41,820 --> 00:52:43,490
Someone called for Santa?
876
00:52:44,620 --> 00:52:46,950
Ho, ho, ho.
877
00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:51,040
Dan, you're watching the kids.
878
00:52:56,590 --> 00:53:00,920
NARRATOR: Jody was nervous
about what she might find at the cabin,
879
00:53:01,090 --> 00:53:02,680
but she was comforted by the fact
880
00:53:02,840 --> 00:53:06,260
that Caesar and the girls
were in good hands.
881
00:53:06,470 --> 00:53:07,890
(GRUNTING)
882
00:53:23,530 --> 00:53:25,740
(LAUGHING)
883
00:53:26,740 --> 00:53:28,200
(GRUNTS)
(THUD)
884
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:33,210
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
885
00:53:35,130 --> 00:53:37,500
Who do you work for?
886
00:53:37,670 --> 00:53:38,670
(HOUSE MUSIC PLAYS)
887
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:40,760
JODY: Kendra, this isn't
the cabin I was talking about.
888
00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:43,930
KENDRA: I know, I just
thought you needed to relax.
889
00:53:44,090 --> 00:53:45,140
Take one of these.
890
00:53:45,970 --> 00:53:48,600
Um, I don't know.
891
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:51,560
Oh, come on, they'll only last
a couple of hours, tops.
892
00:53:51,730 --> 00:53:54,890
Kendra, I don't need drugs to have fun.
893
00:53:55,060 --> 00:53:57,650
(SCREAMING)
894
00:53:59,230 --> 00:54:00,390
- Let me take a picture.
- OK.
895
00:54:00,480 --> 00:54:01,650
Oh, that's so hot!
896
00:54:01,820 --> 00:54:03,490
Yeah!
897
00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:07,700
Yeah, ride it, yeah, yeah!
898
00:54:22,090 --> 00:54:24,760
A dollar will make me holler,
honey boo boo child.
899
00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:28,050
(SCREAMING)
900
00:54:28,220 --> 00:54:29,680
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
901
00:54:29,850 --> 00:54:31,930
(SHOUTING)
902
00:54:50,280 --> 00:54:52,910
(ELECTRONIC POP MUSIC PLAYS)
903
00:55:09,970 --> 00:55:12,140
- Sorry.
(MOUTHING)
904
00:55:16,100 --> 00:55:17,140
(EXHALES)
905
00:55:17,940 --> 00:55:18,940
(GASPS)
906
00:55:22,480 --> 00:55:23,320
(BOTH GASP)
907
00:55:25,650 --> 00:55:27,650
I don't always go downtown,
908
00:55:27,820 --> 00:55:31,740
but when I do,
I drink a beer first.
909
00:55:31,910 --> 00:55:35,660
I'm the king of the world!
Woo! Woo!
910
00:55:36,450 --> 00:55:39,000
(GRUNTS) I'm wicked hard!
911
00:55:39,670 --> 00:55:41,080
(GRUNTING)
912
00:55:42,670 --> 00:55:43,800
Mind if I play through?
913
00:55:44,380 --> 00:55:45,670
(GLASS BREAKING)
- Ooh, shit!
914
00:55:45,840 --> 00:55:48,930
Again? You son of a bitch,
I'm gonna kill you!
915
00:56:13,870 --> 00:56:15,740
(TRAIN HORN)
916
00:56:21,080 --> 00:56:23,080
(FOG HORN SOUNDS)
917
00:56:26,420 --> 00:56:29,920
(PANTING) Oh, my God,
rehearsal. I'm late.
918
00:56:30,300 --> 00:56:34,760
Oh, no, oh, my God, oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
919
00:56:34,930 --> 00:56:37,140
(PIANO PLAYS CLASSICAL MUSIC)
920
00:56:43,610 --> 00:56:44,520
(APPLAUSE)
921
00:56:47,150 --> 00:56:48,940
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
922
00:56:50,490 --> 00:56:53,820
- Stop, stop!
- Oh, Jody, thank God you're here, girl.
923
00:56:53,990 --> 00:56:55,410
I was just dancing and kissing him
924
00:56:55,580 --> 00:56:56,990
'cause I didn't want him
to think about you being late.
925
00:56:57,160 --> 00:56:59,400
Well, I'm the dancer, so I'll do
the kissing around here.
926
00:56:59,540 --> 00:57:01,210
That was amazing.
927
00:57:04,210 --> 00:57:05,450
I want you to have my children.
928
00:57:05,590 --> 00:57:07,960
But, Papa, please,
we want to stay with you.
929
00:57:08,130 --> 00:57:10,380
- Back in the car, Gaston.
- Aw...
930
00:57:10,550 --> 00:57:12,220
She can't make you forget about me.
931
00:57:12,380 --> 00:57:14,470
I overslept because you
just took off this morning.
932
00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:16,180
- This morning?
- Yeah, you slept over.
933
00:57:16,350 --> 00:57:19,060
What? Wait a minute, did you have
some kind of lezzo dream fantasy
934
00:57:19,220 --> 00:57:21,230
- about me?
- Don't act like you weren't there.
935
00:57:21,390 --> 00:57:24,230
We had something special.
We made love last night for hours.
936
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:26,150
- What?
- Oh, and now you're gonna tell me
937
00:57:26,310 --> 00:57:27,650
Tiger Woods didn't
come out of my vagina?
938
00:57:27,820 --> 00:57:29,030
(ALL SPITTING, GASPING)
939
00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:33,450
- Jody.
(EXHALES, CHUCKLES)
940
00:57:33,610 --> 00:57:35,490
What?!
941
00:57:35,660 --> 00:57:37,780
Oh, yeah, yeah.
942
00:57:37,950 --> 00:57:40,160
Well, that explains the poison ivy.
943
00:57:40,330 --> 00:57:41,700
Jody?
944
00:57:42,830 --> 00:57:45,040
- There you are.
- Kendra?
945
00:57:45,210 --> 00:57:46,830
Oh, the door was open
so I let myself in.
946
00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:49,670
It's OK. Look, I'm so sorry.
947
00:57:49,840 --> 00:57:52,340
I really believed something happened
between us last night.
948
00:57:52,510 --> 00:57:55,680
- I must have dreamt the whole thing.
- Oh, no, we had sex.
949
00:57:55,840 --> 00:57:57,480
But this morning at rehearsal,
you said...
950
00:57:57,510 --> 00:57:59,390
I can't have the whole cast
knowing my business.
951
00:57:59,510 --> 00:58:01,020
I'm already doing half of 'em,
952
00:58:01,180 --> 00:58:03,020
and besides, me and Pierre...
we have this little thing...
953
00:58:03,180 --> 00:58:04,390
Wait, then, what's this?
954
00:58:05,900 --> 00:58:07,620
Beats me... must have
happened after I left.
955
00:58:07,730 --> 00:58:11,030
- Oh, yeah!
- Girl, you are freaky.
956
00:58:12,860 --> 00:58:14,610
(MICROWAVE DINGS)
- Oh, yeah.
957
00:58:14,780 --> 00:58:16,950
Oh, yeah, get it. Oh, my God.
958
00:58:19,410 --> 00:58:21,200
(GROWLING)
- Oh, shit!
959
00:58:21,370 --> 00:58:24,210
(CRASHING)
- See, I knew she was real.
960
00:58:26,460 --> 00:58:28,540
JODY: All right, let's find out
where this cabin is.
961
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:31,630
(MUSIC PLAYS ON COMPUTER)
- Ugh!
962
00:58:37,970 --> 00:58:41,470
(MUSIC PLAYS ON COMPUTER)
963
00:58:44,230 --> 00:58:45,390
(LILY PANTING)
964
00:58:46,190 --> 00:58:48,690
KENDRA: What in the hell?
(EXCLAIMS)
965
00:58:48,860 --> 00:58:50,980
- Bad girl.
(WHIMPERING)
966
00:58:52,480 --> 00:58:53,480
Oh, what is this?
967
00:58:53,650 --> 00:58:57,200
JODY: Oh, my God, it's the same
cabin from the dream. Of course.
968
00:58:58,740 --> 00:59:00,490
KENDRA: So, what are we gonna do
if we find that book?
969
00:59:00,660 --> 00:59:03,330
JODY: I don't know, if that's the book
that turned Mama into what she is,
970
00:59:03,490 --> 00:59:06,040
maybe it could
somehow reverse the curse.
971
00:59:06,210 --> 00:59:07,670
OK, we're almost there.
972
00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:12,170
- Hey, I'm not going in there.
- We have to go inside.
973
00:59:12,340 --> 00:59:15,550
The book is the key
to the nightmare I'm living.
974
00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:19,260
- Oh, my gosh, who are you?
- I'm Jody and this is Kendra.
975
00:59:19,430 --> 00:59:21,180
We're looking for something
very important.
976
00:59:21,350 --> 00:59:23,600
We all are. Come on in.
977
00:59:28,850 --> 00:59:32,070
♪ Go tell it on the mountain
978
00:59:32,230 --> 00:59:36,400
♪ Over the hills and everywhere
Go...
979
00:59:36,570 --> 00:59:39,070
Everybody, this is Jody and Kendra.
980
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:40,990
- Hello, Jody and Kendra.
- Hi.
981
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:42,410
Pardon me for not standing,
982
00:59:42,580 --> 00:59:45,140
but I'm mending the wing of this bird
that we found in the woods.
983
00:59:45,240 --> 00:59:47,960
OK. Hi, we're in a hurry.
984
00:59:48,120 --> 00:59:49,870
We're actually looking for
a book that could save lives.
985
00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:52,380
- Yes, I've got it right here.
- Oh, thank God.
986
00:59:52,540 --> 00:59:56,710
Thank him indeed. The Bible.
Here, let me read to you.
987
00:59:56,880 --> 00:59:59,590
Oh, no, no, see,
we're actually looking for...
988
00:59:59,760 --> 01:00:03,600
- ...the book of evil.
- I know evil all too well.
989
01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:05,640
- You do?
- This weekend's devoted to Mia.
990
01:00:05,810 --> 01:00:07,060
It's a detox weekend.
991
01:00:08,430 --> 01:00:10,730
She's hooked on energy shots.
992
01:00:10,900 --> 01:00:12,480
Oh, yeah, that's a real struggle.
993
01:00:12,650 --> 01:00:14,320
OK, listen,
we're looking for another book
994
01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:17,150
- somewhere in this cabin.
- Hm. We haven't seen anything.
995
01:00:17,320 --> 01:00:18,990
We gave it a shot,
let's get out of here.
996
01:00:19,150 --> 01:00:20,990
OK, wait.
997
01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:24,240
- Is there a cellar?
(SCOFFS) - Great.
998
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:31,080
- There it is.
- Oh!
999
01:00:47,720 --> 01:00:49,020
OK, I don't care what it says.
1000
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:52,270
"The curse begins with four words.
1001
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:55,820
Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto."
1002
01:01:04,950 --> 01:01:07,450
(SCREAMING)
1003
01:01:07,620 --> 01:01:09,340
(DISTORTED)
You're all going to die tonight.
1004
01:01:09,870 --> 01:01:12,170
(SNORTING, COUGHING)
1005
01:01:12,330 --> 01:01:14,170
(NORMAL VOICE)
You're all going to die tonight.
1006
01:01:15,840 --> 01:01:18,210
(SCREAMING)
(BIRD COOING)
1007
01:01:28,430 --> 01:01:30,060
JODY: "The curse ends with one word."
1008
01:01:30,220 --> 01:01:31,850
"Adunda."
1009
01:01:34,480 --> 01:01:35,810
What the heck?
1010
01:01:35,980 --> 01:01:39,440
- Why? (SOBBING)
- I don't have an arm.
1011
01:01:40,820 --> 01:01:43,400
For some reason
I cut my tongue in half.
1012
01:01:43,570 --> 01:01:46,990
OK, well, let's at least finish
the song. Everyone hold hands.
1013
01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:50,410
- Except for Eric.
- Damn.
1014
01:01:50,580 --> 01:01:54,620
♪ Go tell it on the mountain
1015
01:01:54,790 --> 01:01:58,960
♪ Over the hills and everywhere
1016
01:01:59,130 --> 01:02:01,590
Well, maybe we didn't do it right.
1017
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:04,510
"Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto."
1018
01:02:06,550 --> 01:02:07,760
(SCREAMING)
1019
01:02:17,270 --> 01:02:19,320
"Adunda."
1020
01:02:19,480 --> 01:02:22,110
Why does this keep happening?
Where's my arm?
1021
01:02:22,280 --> 01:02:24,740
- Is this yours?
- That's a left.
1022
01:02:24,900 --> 01:02:26,450
That's mine.
Could you hand it to me, please?
1023
01:02:26,610 --> 01:02:29,120
- I need a right.
- Eric chainsawed it off.
1024
01:02:29,280 --> 01:02:31,540
- Look, I'm sorry.
- My... My leg?
1025
01:02:31,700 --> 01:02:34,080
No, that's black. It's not mine.
1026
01:02:34,250 --> 01:02:36,830
- Oh, shit.
- I don't know what I'm gonna do.
1027
01:02:37,000 --> 01:02:39,840
(SOBBING)
- Oh, cry me a river.
1028
01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:42,320
I'm gonna need a little help.
I have to go to the bathroom.
1029
01:02:43,300 --> 01:02:46,970
- My penis is in the corner.
- This is fucked up.
1030
01:02:47,130 --> 01:02:48,640
Let me try.
1031
01:02:50,470 --> 01:02:55,310
"Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto."
1032
01:02:58,190 --> 01:02:59,190
Nothing again.
1033
01:02:59,360 --> 01:03:00,860
(SCREAMING)
1034
01:03:02,650 --> 01:03:04,280
- You know what? Let's go.
- Wait, there's a door right here.
1035
01:03:04,440 --> 01:03:05,740
Let's go out this way.
1036
01:03:05,900 --> 01:03:08,360
OK, cool, we can avoid
the weirdos upstairs.
1037
01:03:08,530 --> 01:03:11,990
(DISTORTED) ♪ We're gonna get you
1038
01:03:12,160 --> 01:03:14,950
♪ Not another peep
1039
01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:16,460
(SHRIEKS)
1040
01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:22,920
JODY, KENDRA: Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto.
Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto.
1041
01:03:23,250 --> 01:03:25,630
JODY: Kendra and I recited
the Latin words over and over
1042
01:03:25,800 --> 01:03:27,880
at the cabin and on the way home.
1043
01:03:28,050 --> 01:03:30,850
We must have said it a hundred times,
but nothing happened.
1044
01:03:31,010 --> 01:03:32,290
What if it isn't the right book?
1045
01:03:32,350 --> 01:03:34,680
Maybe the curse
has somehow been lifted.
1046
01:03:36,680 --> 01:03:40,020
NARRATOR: Luckily for Dan and Jody,
there was someone in the house
1047
01:03:40,190 --> 01:03:42,520
who, thanks to the I-13 formula,
1048
01:03:42,690 --> 01:03:46,490
had increased intelligence
and superior cognitive ability.
1049
01:03:46,650 --> 01:03:49,200
His analytical problem-solving skills
allowed him...
1050
01:03:49,360 --> 01:03:52,160
(BABY LAUGHING)
- ...to ascertain crucial information.
1051
01:03:52,330 --> 01:03:57,290
A marvel of modern-da y science,
his IQ had surpassed even the most...
1052
01:03:57,460 --> 01:03:58,710
Aw, hell.
1053
01:04:04,500 --> 01:04:07,590
(COOING)
1054
01:04:09,300 --> 01:04:11,180
(ECHOING GROAN)
1055
01:04:18,100 --> 01:04:19,940
(GROWLING, GRUNTING)
1056
01:04:21,150 --> 01:04:23,440
(SCREAMING)
1057
01:04:29,700 --> 01:04:31,570
Why did I think
you could be intelligent?
1058
01:04:31,740 --> 01:04:33,740
You're nothing but a dumb animal.
1059
01:04:33,910 --> 01:04:35,280
Ow!
1060
01:04:35,450 --> 01:04:37,240
Idiot!
1061
01:04:39,660 --> 01:04:41,920
- I can talk.
MAN: Hey, Caesar.
1062
01:04:43,580 --> 01:04:46,590
(GASPS) Steve?
1063
01:04:46,750 --> 01:04:48,420
Dan's got a mad demon in his house.
1064
01:04:49,220 --> 01:04:52,300
- Matt Damon's in his house?
- No, a mad demon.
1065
01:04:52,470 --> 01:04:56,560
I love Matt Damon. Jason Bourne.
(IMITATES GUNFIRE)
1066
01:04:56,720 --> 01:04:57,930
Oy.
1067
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:03,730
I should have known not to bring
a wild animal into the house.
1068
01:05:03,900 --> 01:05:05,520
I'm... I'm so sorry.
1069
01:05:05,690 --> 01:05:07,770
But I believed in Caesar.
I thought he was different.
1070
01:05:07,860 --> 01:05:09,100
There's something more to this.
1071
01:05:09,150 --> 01:05:12,530
- I can feel it.
- No, he just... went crazy.
1072
01:05:12,700 --> 01:05:16,030
Forget it. But I still think Mama
could be in this house.
1073
01:05:16,200 --> 01:05:17,950
- But don't you...
- We just had a whole night go on
1074
01:05:18,120 --> 01:05:21,870
- without a single sign of anything.
- I guess.
1075
01:05:22,870 --> 01:05:24,790
I was just so scared
last night for the kids.
1076
01:05:24,960 --> 01:05:26,420
You're coming around.
1077
01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:31,420
JODY: Am I getting attached to them?
(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS)
1078
01:06:12,670 --> 01:06:14,430
JODY: It's the cliff from the dream.
1079
01:06:15,130 --> 01:06:17,930
(DISTORTED VOICE) Get in the car now.
Don't make me yell!
1080
01:06:18,100 --> 01:06:20,680
Unto thee, Satan,
I sacrifice these children.
1081
01:06:20,850 --> 01:06:23,270
Return home to the cliff of...
Holy shit!
1082
01:06:23,430 --> 01:06:24,980
(SCREAMING)
(KATHY CRYING)
1083
01:06:25,140 --> 01:06:27,770
Home is at the cliff.
Oh, my God. Girls!
1084
01:06:28,650 --> 01:06:32,150
Kathy. It's OK. I saw the cliff.
I know what "home" means.
1085
01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:34,110
(GRUNTS)
(SCREAMING)
1086
01:06:34,280 --> 01:06:38,280
(MOANING)
(SCREAMING)
1087
01:06:43,410 --> 01:06:45,120
- Whoa!
(CRASH)
1088
01:06:47,120 --> 01:06:48,540
Come on, girls. Let's go get Aidan.
1089
01:06:48,710 --> 01:06:50,540
That's cool.
1090
01:06:50,710 --> 01:06:53,090
Lily! Come on.
1091
01:06:54,970 --> 01:06:56,840
Aidan! Are you OK?
(SCREAMING)
1092
01:07:05,810 --> 01:07:07,520
Uncle Dan! Uncle Dan!
1093
01:07:07,690 --> 01:07:09,150
Mama! Mama! Mama!
1094
01:07:09,310 --> 01:07:10,440
(GROWLING)
- She's here!
1095
01:07:10,610 --> 01:07:13,530
Whoa. Girls, girls, girls.
One at a time. Lily, you first.
1096
01:07:13,690 --> 01:07:16,610
(GROWLING)
1097
01:07:16,780 --> 01:07:18,070
Got it. Now Kathy.
1098
01:07:18,240 --> 01:07:20,660
Mama! Mama! She's here!
She's gonna kill us!
1099
01:07:20,820 --> 01:07:23,240
How many times do I have to tell
everyone there's no such thing as...
1100
01:07:23,410 --> 01:07:25,040
(SCREAMING)
(ELECTRICITY SURGING)
1101
01:07:31,250 --> 01:07:33,000
(SCREAMING)
1102
01:07:34,840 --> 01:07:36,590
(MUFFLED SHOUTING)
1103
01:07:49,190 --> 01:07:50,400
(CHUCKLES) Ow!
1104
01:08:08,290 --> 01:08:09,960
(GROANING)
1105
01:08:10,120 --> 01:08:11,710
Maria? What are you doing here?
1106
01:08:11,880 --> 01:08:14,710
I was angry you fire me,
so I bake you this.
1107
01:08:16,090 --> 01:08:19,170
(FLIES BUZZING)
- A shit pie?
1108
01:08:19,340 --> 01:08:22,430
- Uh, thanks, but...
- Hot dog?
1109
01:08:24,180 --> 01:08:27,310
No, that's still shit with mustard.
1110
01:08:27,470 --> 01:08:31,730
Maybe just a banana, then?
Very much potassium.
1111
01:08:31,900 --> 01:08:34,440
So bueno, Mr. Dan.
1112
01:08:34,610 --> 01:08:36,860
No, I... I'm sorry.
I should have listened to you...
1113
01:08:37,030 --> 01:08:41,450
Mr. Dan, we have our problems,
but I always love you.
1114
01:08:41,610 --> 01:08:43,030
So much.
1115
01:08:43,700 --> 01:08:45,660
(MUFFLED GRUNTS)
1116
01:08:48,580 --> 01:08:51,370
When I see you, I see my father.
1117
01:08:53,880 --> 01:08:55,250
Dan. Dan, we have to...
1118
01:08:56,340 --> 01:08:59,380
- Wait. What's going on here?
- I can explain.
1119
01:09:00,260 --> 01:09:02,780
There's no time. Mama has the girls.
I know where she took them.
1120
01:09:03,550 --> 01:09:05,260
Got to go.
1121
01:09:05,430 --> 01:09:06,930
You remind me of my father.
1122
01:09:07,100 --> 01:09:08,850
JODY: Dan!
1123
01:09:11,770 --> 01:09:13,650
NARRATOR: Knowing the girls
were in danger,
1124
01:09:13,810 --> 01:09:17,020
Dan and Jody sped off,
racing to get to the cliff they...
1125
01:09:17,190 --> 01:09:19,400
Oh, my God. What happened to the car?
1126
01:09:19,570 --> 01:09:20,990
Where...? Oh, there it is.
1127
01:09:21,150 --> 01:09:25,450
They were no longer able to sit idly by
and let a ghost jump off a cliff,
1128
01:09:25,620 --> 01:09:27,200
- sacrificing their children with her.
DAN: Kathy! Lily!
1129
01:09:27,370 --> 01:09:30,040
Oh, my God. There they are.
Kathy, Lily, stop!
1130
01:09:30,250 --> 01:09:32,710
(GRUNTING, GROWLING)
1131
01:09:32,870 --> 01:09:35,000
- What do we do now?
- Um, I'll just...
1132
01:09:35,170 --> 01:09:37,010
...read from this
and change her back to human.
1133
01:09:37,040 --> 01:09:38,050
(SCREAMING)
(GROWLING)
1134
01:09:45,720 --> 01:09:48,140
Girls, run! Run! No.
1135
01:09:48,310 --> 01:09:49,890
No, not that way. Away from the cliff!
1136
01:09:52,350 --> 01:09:53,560
I'm not going to let Mama
take you away again.
1137
01:09:53,730 --> 01:09:55,940
(WHISTLING)
1138
01:10:00,150 --> 01:10:04,030
Lily, stop! Come on.
Come on. Here, girl. Come on, Lily.
1139
01:10:05,410 --> 01:10:09,080
Come on. Look. Oh, look. Yeah.
1140
01:10:09,240 --> 01:10:11,450
(SQUEALS)
(PANTS)
1141
01:10:14,620 --> 01:10:18,380
Come on. Look. Oh, yeah. Lily.
1142
01:10:18,540 --> 01:10:21,420
Oh, wow. Yeah.
1143
01:10:22,630 --> 01:10:23,880
Oh, come on.
1144
01:10:24,930 --> 01:10:27,720
Enough! This is crazy.
1145
01:10:27,890 --> 01:10:30,470
- Lily's not a dog.
(WHIMPERS)
1146
01:10:30,640 --> 01:10:33,100
She's a beautiful little girl
who I've grown to love.
1147
01:10:33,270 --> 01:10:36,730
I love all these children, Mama,
even if they don't all love me.
1148
01:10:36,900 --> 01:10:41,110
- Lily loves you, too, Jody.
(LILY PANTING)
1149
01:10:41,280 --> 01:10:42,820
And they belong in this world
with me and Dan.
1150
01:10:42,990 --> 01:10:45,610
Because they deserve parents
who aren't decomposing.
1151
01:10:46,660 --> 01:10:48,160
Good girl.
1152
01:10:48,320 --> 01:10:51,450
(SQUEALING)
- All right, enough.
1153
01:10:52,540 --> 01:10:54,540
Where's the page?
Damn it, I can't find it.
1154
01:10:54,710 --> 01:10:56,170
Forget it.
1155
01:10:56,330 --> 01:10:58,330
There, that worked. Maybe not.
1156
01:10:58,500 --> 01:10:59,880
(GROWLING)
1157
01:11:03,130 --> 01:11:05,920
(GROWLING)
(HOWLING IN PAIN)
1158
01:11:10,010 --> 01:11:12,470
(SCREAMING)
1159
01:11:12,640 --> 01:11:15,140
(WOMEN EXCLAIMING)
1160
01:11:15,310 --> 01:11:17,270
(GROWLING)
(SCREAMING)
1161
01:11:17,440 --> 01:11:19,900
Man, we need to stop smoking this shit.
1162
01:11:23,980 --> 01:11:26,200
Told you that shark
was going to come in handy.
1163
01:11:26,360 --> 01:11:28,610
Thank you. Lily.
1164
01:11:29,490 --> 01:11:31,490
Honey, thank God you're all right.
1165
01:11:44,170 --> 01:11:47,010
- Your cue is coming up.
- Oh, Kendra.
1166
01:11:49,760 --> 01:11:52,010
Look, it's OK, girl.
Let's forget about what happened.
1167
01:11:52,180 --> 01:11:56,350
- You are the Black Swan.
- No. It's you.
1168
01:11:56,520 --> 01:12:00,440
Throwing Mama off the cliff has really
made me reevaluate my priorities.
1169
01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:03,730
My family comes first.
You dance the Black Swan.
1170
01:12:04,940 --> 01:12:07,440
- Because sometimes in life...
- OK.
1171
01:12:09,110 --> 01:12:13,780
MAN: Introducing our new Swan Queen,
Miss Kendra Brooks.
1172
01:12:13,950 --> 01:12:16,040
(ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
1173
01:12:35,560 --> 01:12:38,810
- This is not ballet.
- No, it the hell ain't.
1174
01:12:40,690 --> 01:12:42,400
This some bullshit.
1175
01:12:44,520 --> 01:12:47,320
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
1176
01:12:47,480 --> 01:12:49,240
(YELLING)
1177
01:12:51,320 --> 01:12:54,160
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
1178
01:12:54,320 --> 01:12:57,240
That's what I'm talking about!
Right? Right?
1179
01:12:57,410 --> 01:12:58,790
You know that shit, right?
1180
01:12:58,950 --> 01:13:01,960
NARRATOR: And so our story ends.
1181
01:13:02,120 --> 01:13:04,290
If anything is to be learned from this,
1182
01:13:04,460 --> 01:13:07,420
it's that mankind is a pathetic race
1183
01:13:07,590 --> 01:13:10,970
and apes need to take over this planet.
1184
01:13:11,130 --> 01:13:14,600
Enjoy Earth while you still got it.
(LAUGHING)
1185
01:13:15,010 --> 01:13:17,930
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)
1186
01:13:57,390 --> 01:14:01,060
Well, we'll see how you like it
once the swan consumes you!
1187
01:14:19,160 --> 01:14:22,330
(LAUGHING QUIETLY)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1188
01:14:22,500 --> 01:14:25,710
I cannot hold it that long.
It's, like... it's so long.
1189
01:14:35,930 --> 01:14:38,600
(BLEEPING)
1190
01:14:48,150 --> 01:14:50,900
(GRUNTING, SCREAMING)
1191
01:14:56,700 --> 01:14:58,410
We're kissing.
1192
01:15:03,330 --> 01:15:05,410
(LAUGHING)
MAN: Cut! Cut!
1193
01:15:07,120 --> 01:15:08,540
- Cut!
(LAUGHING)
1194
01:15:12,300 --> 01:15:13,300
We're kissing.
1195
01:15:32,610 --> 01:15:35,690
(LAUGHTER)
MAN: Cut!
1196
01:15:44,700 --> 01:15:46,540
(BANG)
(GASPS)
1197
01:15:47,710 --> 01:15:48,870
(LAUGHTER)
1198
01:15:49,040 --> 01:15:51,460
- What happened?
MAN: Guy was in the shot.
1199
01:15:51,630 --> 01:15:54,170
- Ah.
MAN: Cut!
1200
01:15:54,340 --> 01:15:55,630
But was he dressed like a demon?
1201
01:15:58,760 --> 01:16:00,520
MAN: Do the second "my penis"
as a question.
1202
01:16:00,680 --> 01:16:02,760
OK. And then "my other penis"
is a question also?
1203
01:16:02,930 --> 01:16:04,100
MAN: Yeah.
- OK.
1204
01:16:04,260 --> 01:16:06,180
But remember, you're jumping
to "What the hell is that?"
1205
01:16:06,350 --> 01:16:08,440
- I know. I don't know why.
- You're jumping... Yeah.
1206
01:16:08,600 --> 01:16:10,310
There's just so many penises.
1207
01:16:10,480 --> 01:16:12,860
MAN: Welcome to Hollywood.
(LAUGHING)
1208
01:16:15,900 --> 01:16:18,280
- I'm ready for it.
- Hey.
1209
01:16:18,450 --> 01:16:19,950
I'm OK With this.
1210
01:16:20,110 --> 01:16:23,030
That's the temporary nurses' shower.
1211
01:16:23,200 --> 01:16:25,120
- And we're painting it.
- Cut.
1212
01:16:25,290 --> 01:16:28,290
That's the... temporary nurses' shower.
1213
01:16:28,460 --> 01:16:30,080
I'm OK With this.
1214
01:16:34,170 --> 01:16:35,960
Sorry, you guys. I...
1215
01:16:39,470 --> 01:16:40,800
I'm OK With this.
1216
01:16:40,970 --> 01:16:44,390
That's the nurses'
temporary locker room,
1217
01:16:44,550 --> 01:16:46,180
and we're repainting it.
1218
01:16:47,890 --> 01:16:49,140
(LAUGHING)
MAN: Cut.
1219
01:16:56,070 --> 01:16:59,280
Ouch. Hello here!
1220
01:17:02,410 --> 01:17:03,490
MAN: B mark!
1221
01:17:03,660 --> 01:17:05,580
- And background.
MAN 2: Action!
1222
01:17:08,370 --> 01:17:10,160
Oh! (BLEEPING)
1223
01:17:15,630 --> 01:17:18,760
Jody! Thank God I caught you.
1224
01:17:19,710 --> 01:17:22,550
I forgot to tell you, now that
you are the Swan Queen...
1225
01:17:26,510 --> 01:17:27,850
Suck my... (BLEEP)
1226
01:17:30,430 --> 01:17:32,600
I'll save you, Snoop Dogg.
1227
01:17:32,770 --> 01:17:35,900
My name ain't Snoop Dogg
in this... (BLEEPING) movie, man!
1228
01:17:36,060 --> 01:17:38,020
(LAUGHING)
1229
01:17:41,150 --> 01:17:43,360
- Well, I mean, I...
- Sh...
1230
01:17:45,070 --> 01:17:46,660
(LAUGHING)
1231
01:17:53,500 --> 01:17:54,500
Stop it!
1232
01:17:54,670 --> 01:17:56,540
We're good. We're good.
1233
01:17:59,670 --> 01:18:02,880
MAN: Now prepare for a night
of unparalleled passion.
1234
01:18:03,050 --> 01:18:05,720
- Oh, wait, wait, Mr. Grey...
- The safe word is "deeper."
1235
01:18:05,890 --> 01:18:06,890
- What?
(WHIP CRACKS)
1236
01:18:07,050 --> 01:18:07,970
(SCREAMING)
1237
01:18:13,940 --> 01:18:15,060
JODY: Damn! Ow!
1238
01:18:15,230 --> 01:18:16,560
Whoa!
1239
01:18:20,690 --> 01:18:22,490
What does all this
have to do with the ballet?
1240
01:18:22,650 --> 01:18:26,160
- Ballet? (CHUCKLES)
- Yes. Aren't you donating millions?
1241
01:18:26,320 --> 01:18:28,070
Millions? What...? I'm broke.
1242
01:18:28,240 --> 01:18:30,240
Every cent I have
has been put into this room.
1243
01:18:34,790 --> 01:18:37,290
I don't know what I'm going to do.
(SOBBING)
1244
01:18:37,460 --> 01:18:40,000
Oh, cry me a river.
1245
01:18:40,170 --> 01:18:44,590
I'm going to need a little help.
I don't have a penis.
1246
01:18:44,760 --> 01:18:47,470
(LAUGHING)
1247
01:19:02,820 --> 01:19:04,360
It does not come off.
1248
01:19:04,530 --> 01:19:06,570
It does not come off. I'm sorry.
1249
01:19:09,700 --> 01:19:11,660
I'm getting tired of talking
about this... (BLEEP)
1250
01:19:11,790 --> 01:19:13,750
In the woods with this man.
1251
01:19:13,910 --> 01:19:17,460
(BLEEP) ...man, we keep going in
circles, talking about a... (BLEEP) man.
1252
01:19:17,620 --> 01:19:18,990
Let's talk about a... (BLEEP) man,
1253
01:19:19,130 --> 01:19:20,790
or getting some...
(BLEEP) getting some...
1254
01:19:20,960 --> 01:19:23,080
Talking about... (BLEEP)
these two dudes in the woods.
1255
01:19:23,130 --> 01:19:27,220
If we had a... (BLEEP) here, she could
wash our... (BLEEP) off right now.
1256
01:19:27,380 --> 01:19:29,890
You understand me?
That's the way I would say it.
1257
01:19:33,010 --> 01:19:34,770
Hey, babe, check out
this psychic's book for a clue.
1258
01:19:34,930 --> 01:19:37,690
- It really freaks me out.
- Come on, there's nothing to be...
1259
01:19:37,850 --> 01:19:39,600
Nuh!
1260
01:19:39,770 --> 01:19:42,480
These books are all...
(SCREAMS)
1261
01:19:42,650 --> 01:19:45,190
There's nothing to be scared...
(SCREAMING)
1262
01:19:50,410 --> 01:19:53,490
...to be scared... (SCREAMING)
1263
01:19:54,790 --> 01:19:56,190
Oh, there's nothing to be scared...
1264
01:19:56,290 --> 01:19:58,080
Oh, wrong animal. (BLEEP)
1265
01:19:59,460 --> 01:20:02,630
...be scared... A dinosaur? (BLEEP)
1266
01:20:06,840 --> 01:20:08,800
What does this have to do with...?
1267
01:20:08,970 --> 01:20:10,680
(LAUGHING)
1268
01:20:13,140 --> 01:20:14,180
I know. Sorry.
1269
01:20:16,020 --> 01:20:18,060
MAN: And... action!
1270
01:20:18,230 --> 01:20:21,860
What does this have to do with...?
(LAUGHTER) Sorry.
1271
01:20:25,530 --> 01:20:29,320
You just keep cupping your boobs.
OK, sorry.
1272
01:20:47,460 --> 01:20:49,470
OK, how do we know who's a witch?
1273
01:20:52,090 --> 01:20:54,220
Do they have a broom?
1274
01:20:54,390 --> 01:20:55,810
Do they have a pointy nose?
1275
01:20:55,970 --> 01:20:58,730
(ALL LAUGHING)
1276
01:21:02,190 --> 01:21:06,270
I'm... I'm going to pee my pants!
1277
01:21:13,990 --> 01:21:15,370
So, what, I didn't get the part?
1278
01:21:15,530 --> 01:21:17,410
Where's everybody going?
1279
01:27:22,110 --> 01:27:24,360
(SCORE PLAYING THROUGH HEADPHONES)
1280
01:27:27,070 --> 01:27:29,320
I just had the most bizarro dream.
1281
01:27:29,490 --> 01:27:31,660
Demons, apes, a ballet.
1282
01:27:31,830 --> 01:27:34,120
You have a very active subconscious.
1283
01:27:34,290 --> 01:27:36,500
Anyway, the idea took hold.
1284
01:27:36,660 --> 01:27:39,540
Lindsay Lohan's coming over
to spend the night with you.
1285
01:27:39,710 --> 01:27:41,540
- Awesome!
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
1286
01:27:48,680 --> 01:27:49,930
You were driving.
134759
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