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1
00:00:17,650 --> 00:00:19,752
Previouslyon Call Me Fitz...
2
00:00:19,754 --> 00:00:21,020
We're goin' home.
3
00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:22,521
Not until you tell me
what you want.
4
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:25,024
To know my daughter is happy
and healthy
5
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:26,725
and free to sign a lease
on a new dealership.
6
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:28,727
If you were permanently
whacked out
7
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:31,397
Daddy could get custodialcontrol of your life.
8
00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:32,798
This asshole isn't a doctor!
9
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,633
She's hallucinating.
He's my father!
He's trying to -
10
00:00:36,403 --> 00:00:38,237
Mr. Fitzpatrick.
11
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:39,538
Are you okay?
12
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,340
Sorry, I didn't mean
to startle you.
13
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:43,275
You just sounded so sad.
14
00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:44,676
Iris.
15
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:46,545
Oh... Larry.
16
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:49,415
No one knows the swarthy
savior's secret origin,
17
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:50,616
but one thing
is certain...
18
00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:52,818
The costumed
vigilante "Ethnic Man"
19
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:55,087
is quickly becoming
a local legend.
20
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:58,090
It's not Ethnic Man,
it's Every Man.
21
00:00:58,092 --> 00:01:00,759
And Ethnic Man is voting
for Richard Fitzpatrick.
22
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:02,127
Every Man.
23
00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:04,363
No, he's voting
for Chester Vince.
24
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:06,398
Can't we all just get along?
25
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,335
That answer your question,
cracker ass?
26
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:19,678
Everyone tells youto be yourself.
27
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:23,549
For most people, that'sa shit piece of advice.
28
00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:25,551
Because they're losers.
29
00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:27,219
You want my advice?
30
00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,721
Be like Fitz.
31
00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:31,356
Mornin', sweet knees.
32
00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:33,225
Richard Fitzpatrick
for City Council.
33
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,829
Number one car
salesman in Coverton...
34
00:01:36,831 --> 00:01:39,565
Most desirable
bachelor in town...
35
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:41,166
When do you turn eighteen?
36
00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:44,169
After all, I'm charming,handsome...
37
00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:47,106
...And irresistibleto the ladies.
38
00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:48,240
Hey, Babe.
39
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:49,641
The name's Richard
Fitzpatrick.
40
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,276
You're that sleaze merchant
41
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,778
with the Vegas
knock-off lounge?
42
00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:54,680
That's another
Richard Fitzpatrick.
43
00:01:58,818 --> 00:02:01,253
[sighs]
Fuck.
44
00:02:04,757 --> 00:02:07,826
What's it going to take
to get rid of you, Son?
45
00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:09,261
I could feed you some crap
46
00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:11,563
about rezoning bla
bla fucking bullshit.
47
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:13,699
But what I really
want is a scotch,
48
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:16,168
a T-bone and eggs,
and to get my nut off.
49
00:02:17,737 --> 00:02:19,371
Ribeye all right?
50
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,708
Giddy-up.
51
00:02:25,411 --> 00:02:27,179
Come on,fuck me, Grandma!
52
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:28,881
[moaning]
53
00:02:28,883 --> 00:02:30,849
So fuck what people say.
54
00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:32,251
I'm in it to win it.
55
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:34,286
You've got my vote, Fitz.
56
00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:35,821
And nobody canpress the flesh
57
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,723
like good old Fitzy.
58
00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:40,359
This election is all mine.
59
00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:43,529
[groans]
60
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,500
Fuck.
61
00:03:34,747 --> 00:03:36,448
Tough day on the
campaign trail?
62
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,217
Yes, actually.
63
00:03:38,219 --> 00:03:39,851
I'm being facetious, idiot.
64
00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:41,051
Four angry husbands
65
00:03:41,053 --> 00:03:43,255
and sixteen sexual
harassment complaints?
66
00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:45,624
Did you really have to sleep
with a seventy-six year old?
67
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:46,758
Not my fault her husband
68
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,261
couldn't get the
job done downtown.
69
00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:52,564
Rabbi Kinkman has been
in a coma since '89.
70
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,933
Now, thanks to you,
Edith Kinkman,
71
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:56,835
the President of the
Coverton Ladies Auxiliary,
72
00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:59,338
the most powerful women's
group in town, is dead.
73
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,872
No one knows I banged her.
74
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:03,575
And I slipped a few bills
to the coroner for insurance.
75
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,711
Relax, Foxley.
I got this.
76
00:04:05,713 --> 00:04:06,411
Got what?
77
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,413
A campaign that
has zero focus,
78
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,983
no platform and not a
single female supporter?
79
00:04:10,985 --> 00:04:12,718
This is serious, Fitz.
80
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:15,020
When it comes to the ladies,
Fitzy is always serious
81
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:18,523
And that is a
seriously hot dress.
82
00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:20,993
First the rich, then
the ethnics, now women.
83
00:04:20,995 --> 00:04:23,428
Is there anyone you
can get along with?
84
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,797
Fear not!
Larry has a plan.
85
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,666
A plan?
How cute.
86
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,501
What we need to do
is reset-
87
00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:31,637
No.
What we need to do is reset.
88
00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:34,606
Get some kind of female
organization to endorse you.
89
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,441
[gasp]
The Ladies Auxiliary.
90
00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:37,743
If Edith's cronies back you,
91
00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:39,811
people will believe your
little "natural causes" story.
92
00:04:40,813 --> 00:04:42,447
Nah.
That sounds like work.
93
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:43,715
What I was going
to suggest -
94
00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:45,817
I'm sorry, did I forget
to tell you to shut up?
95
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:49,621
...was that we arrange an
interview with Melody Gray.
96
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,657
That Ann Coulter wannabe?
She'll decimate him.
97
00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:53,492
Look whose little
high school feud
98
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,727
is getting in the way
of Richard's campaign.
99
00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:57,963
Every woman and homosexual
in Coverton
100
00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,331
follows Melody Gray.
101
00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:02,868
If anyone can reset his
reputation, it's her.
102
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,870
[beeping]
103
00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:05,971
Bar's open.
104
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,006
I'll leave you ladies
to duke it out.
105
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:14,813
Your attempts to
annoy me are pathetic.
106
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:18,717
And yet you look
quite annoyed.
107
00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:31,496
Any comment on Richard
Fitzpatrick's role
108
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,732
in the untimely - and some
might say, homicidal -
109
00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:35,000
death of Edith Kinkman?
110
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,368
No story there, honey.
111
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:37,636
She was alive when
he left that house.
112
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:38,970
I'd love to hear
it from the horse.
113
00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:41,406
He's at the trough.
And has no comment either.
114
00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:43,375
Then why did Larry call
to set up a one-on-one?
115
00:05:43,377 --> 00:05:44,743
Larry did what?
116
00:05:44,745 --> 00:05:46,111
He asked for a favor,
117
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:48,780
a chance for Richard
to clear his name.
118
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,649
Poor Dot.
119
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,351
You've lost
control of Richard,
120
00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:55,053
and now you're losing control
of that limp string bean.
121
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,091
I told Larry
to call you.
122
00:05:59,093 --> 00:06:00,792
The interview was my idea.
123
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:03,428
Fine, then it's settled.
Tomorrow at noon.
124
00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:05,497
And you have something
in your teeth.
125
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,878
No, Mr. Fitzpatrick.
126
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,749
I cannot just
"motherfucking let you go."
127
00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:26,084
I'm giving you a golden
opportunity here:
128
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,553
submit to a
psychiatric evaluation
129
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,490
and the hospital won't take
legal action against you.
130
00:06:33,526 --> 00:06:36,128
At least give me a drink.
131
00:06:36,130 --> 00:06:39,931
Good.
We'll start tomorrow.
132
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:42,467
The effects of detox
should settle by then.
133
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:53,578
Fuck banana party time.
134
00:06:55,081 --> 00:06:57,582
Come on baby,
you know what I'm saying.
135
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,017
Just had to come here
136
00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,653
to rub it in my face,
didn't you?
137
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,121
Get out.
138
00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:05,624
Punch carpool to the pussycat.
139
00:07:05,626 --> 00:07:06,992
Capiche?
140
00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:20,439
[whimpering]
141
00:07:24,710 --> 00:07:32,017
[loud sobbing]
142
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:36,555
"The new abstinent
Richard Fitzpatrick"?
143
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:38,857
What kind of Duchovny
bullshit is this?
144
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:40,625
It's a press release
informing the public
145
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:41,760
that as of now,
146
00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:43,195
you won't be trolling for
votes with your penis.
147
00:07:43,197 --> 00:07:44,896
This is the new
Richard Fitzpatrick,
148
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:46,698
the one who plays by my rules.
149
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,233
I don't do rules.
150
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:49,568
One.
151
00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:50,702
You keep your little
friend in your pants
152
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,904
till after the
election or I'm out.
153
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,573
No sex.
154
00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:55,807
Especially not with that
155
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,242
soul sucking media
whore Melody Gray.
156
00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:58,743
But sex is my thing!
157
00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:00,779
Do you want your
precious bar back?
158
00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:03,014
Then park the
pecker and man up.
159
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:04,583
Two.
160
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:06,084
You win the election,
161
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,953
you make me City Manager.
162
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:10,088
That's the job those drones
give to old war buddies.
163
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:11,156
Their friends.
164
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,858
Well, that makes rule
number one easier.
165
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,526
Because friends don't sleep
with friends' friends.
166
00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:15,927
Or their enemies.
167
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:18,196
Or in your case -
anyone at all.
168
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:19,898
So now we're friends?
169
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,900
Look at us, standing here,
170
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:25,170
your penis out and
me not fucking it.
171
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,005
I guess we are.
172
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:31,109
I've never been friends
with a broad before.
173
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:34,145
Funny, me neither.
174
00:08:38,951 --> 00:08:40,519
I do not understand.
175
00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:43,121
We sell more cars than Ken
Fitzpatrick ever could,
176
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:44,589
and yet we make no profit.
177
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:47,659
Then how did that white
devil succeed for so long?
178
00:08:49,195 --> 00:08:50,595
What's up -
here's Ken's cut.
179
00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:51,930
I guess it's yours now.
180
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,700
From Joey.
181
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,135
For the scrap metal.
182
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,037
Fitzpatrick sells scrap metal?
183
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:00,772
Yeah.
184
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:03,174
Car sales is a
loss leader, dude.
185
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:05,944
At least that's
what Fitzy says.
186
00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:08,547
We send our shitboxes to
Joey at the junkyard.
187
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,315
He crushes them and
sells them for scrap.
188
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,150
We take 80 percent
of the sale,
189
00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:13,318
and make our money back...
190
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,054
Trip-ular-ily.
191
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,989
No, that's not a word.
192
00:09:20,026 --> 00:09:22,093
What else does
the heathen say?
193
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:34,706
Larry!
I was hoping you'd come.
194
00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:39,678
I'm happy to see you too Iris,
195
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,913
since you seem to be my
only female friend and -
196
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,682
I can call you that, right?
197
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,317
The icing on my man cake?
198
00:09:45,319 --> 00:09:47,052
The icing?
199
00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:48,653
Can't I be the cake?
200
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:50,622
Of course.
And I'm the icing!
201
00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:52,190
You can be the cake.
202
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,625
Do you want to be the cake?
203
00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:54,960
Because women can be
204
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:57,195
any confection
they desire!
205
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:58,296
Never mind.
206
00:09:58,298 --> 00:10:00,632
Tell me about your day.
207
00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:02,634
Okay, well...
208
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:04,302
Today was the day
I showed Dot Foxley
209
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,905
that I too am a
person of action.
210
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,039
Ooh!
211
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,140
Yeah, I know.
212
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:10,742
Melody Gray is going
to interview Richard,
213
00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:12,143
and once he tells his
side of the story,
214
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,678
his name will be cleared -
215
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:15,647
kinda
thanks to me.
216
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:16,948
And my understanding
217
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,050
of how the overly complicated
female mind works.
218
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:21,319
No offense.
219
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,021
There's just something
about a man of action -
220
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:25,023
he exudes confidence.
221
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,124
Yes!
222
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:29,327
And that's why I think a guy like
you could have any woman you want.
223
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,696
You're like a magnet.
224
00:10:31,698 --> 00:10:33,331
You're right...
I know...
225
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:36,201
Richard is a magnet for women.
226
00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:37,402
No doubt Melody Gray
227
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,204
will succumb to his
animal magnetism.
228
00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:40,639
And I yours.
229
00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:42,140
If anything were to happen
between Richard and Melody,
230
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:44,309
it would ruin the
point of the interview.
231
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:45,910
Larry, I want you.
232
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:48,780
Richard has never gone this
long without carnal relations.
233
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:50,115
Now you're just teasing me.
234
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:51,383
Oh god, Iris!
235
00:10:51,385 --> 00:10:53,952
What if Richard does
that to Melody?
236
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:55,854
Oh no!
237
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:58,390
Thank you, Iris, for
your words of wisdom.
238
00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:02,327
We really have
something in common.
239
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,162
Somehow, I doubt that.
240
00:11:06,132 --> 00:11:08,066
I gotta go!
241
00:11:12,738 --> 00:11:15,440
[beeping]
242
00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,008
Leave a message.
243
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,077
Look, sir,
I know we had a deal,
244
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:21,046
but things have gotten...
245
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:22,847
complicated.
246
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:25,283
This is going to cost you
a lot more than minimum wage.
247
00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:37,128
Fucking calluses.
248
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:39,864
Lefty's been working overtime,
if you know what I'm saying.
249
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,132
How about you
pretend to not be
250
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,234
a degenerate sex addict
for five minutes?
251
00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:45,136
Well I think Richard
has an enormous capacity
252
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:48,773
for penetrating the
female demographic.
253
00:11:51,243 --> 00:11:52,977
Do you want me to
eat your face off?
254
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:54,045
I do not.
255
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:57,148
Use my cards.
Nothing else.
256
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,316
She asks a question,
257
00:11:58,318 --> 00:11:59,818
all the answers
are color coded.
258
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,386
And just be your
best self, Richard.
259
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:02,721
But different.
260
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,923
Much, much different.
261
00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:08,126
Uh-uh.
262
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:10,929
I told you I'd only do
this one-on-one, Foxley.
263
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:12,497
No spin doctors,
skinny retards,
264
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,365
or once-fat redheads.
265
00:12:17,002 --> 00:12:18,737
Relax, I got this.
266
00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:19,971
Of course you do.
267
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:21,206
[loud whisper]
Do you?
268
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:22,440
Yeah.
269
00:12:24,376 --> 00:12:26,411
He fucks this up,
you die first.
270
00:12:28,781 --> 00:12:30,115
Hi.
271
00:12:40,826 --> 00:12:42,994
[whispering inaudibly]
272
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:45,363
To relax you.
273
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:47,232
Bottoms up.
274
00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:49,033
So, Fitz.
275
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:50,335
I'd love to hear your take
276
00:12:50,337 --> 00:12:51,803
on those pesky little rumors
277
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:54,506
that you killed the President
of the Ladies Auxiliary.
278
00:12:54,508 --> 00:12:56,307
Uh, what happened
to Edith Kinkman
279
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:58,543
was a tragedy.
280
00:12:58,545 --> 00:13:00,078
And an accident
281
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,514
that I was not
involved in whatsoever.
282
00:13:02,516 --> 00:13:04,282
You've got to give
me something more
283
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,885
than clichéd sound bites
and talking points.
284
00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:08,486
Come on, Toots.
Don't get your panties...
285
00:13:11,423 --> 00:13:12,991
No comment.
286
00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:16,361
I would like to talk to you,
however,
287
00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:19,864
about my gender
equality policies.
288
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:22,033
Oh, go on...
289
00:13:24,503 --> 00:13:28,106
Um...uh...
290
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:30,942
I'll show Foxley.I can do this.
291
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:34,112
I do believe that women are...
292
00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:39,217
...entitled to a full
year of maternity leave.
293
00:13:40,519 --> 00:13:42,487
You know what I think
I'm entitled to?
294
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,457
[grunt]
Uh...
295
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:48,860
A quote on how
Ms. Kinkman died.
296
00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:50,829
But if you're reluctant,
297
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:53,264
you could make it up
to me in another way.
298
00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:54,532
What did you have in mind?
299
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,401
I really like to...
[grunts]
300
00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:59,370
...immerse myself
in my stories.
301
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:02,006
I like to get to
know my subjects...
302
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:04,142
intimately.
303
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:06,177
And now that you're
a politician...
304
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,612
you would be surprised
305
00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:10,081
how willing people are
to open up
306
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:13,084
given the right
circumstances...
307
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:14,452
...Fitz.
308
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:16,988
Oh, Fitzy.
309
00:14:19,158 --> 00:14:20,391
Fitzy!
310
00:14:21,393 --> 00:14:24,429
Come here, Fitzy...
311
00:14:25,431 --> 00:14:26,865
I can do this.
I can do this.
312
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:28,032
Get it together, Fitz.
313
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,268
Fitz!
Fitzy!
314
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:31,603
Dead baby kittens.
Bunnies dead on the road.
315
00:14:31,605 --> 00:14:33,238
Think pink.
316
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,572
No...
317
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:37,141
Nobody refuses Melody Gray!
318
00:14:39,511 --> 00:14:41,512
Uh, Miss Gray!
319
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:43,448
Miss Gray, please wait!
320
00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:45,116
I don't know what
happened in there,
321
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:46,951
but before you assassinate
Richard's character...
322
00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:48,419
please understand
he's the product
323
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:51,289
of years of emotional neglect
and conditional love.
324
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,591
Fitzpatrick has
psychological issues.
325
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:55,026
Bla bla blah.
326
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,527
I don't know if I'd
call a mommy fetish
327
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,363
a psychological issue.
328
00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:00,231
He's hired someone to help
him work through that.
329
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,633
Prostitutes are old news.
330
00:15:01,635 --> 00:15:03,167
No, she's a dominatrix!
331
00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:04,636
But geriatric sex killer?
332
00:15:04,638 --> 00:15:06,604
Now that's front page.
333
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:08,940
Richard did not kill
Edith Kinkman!
334
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:10,642
Richard is a friend to women!
335
00:15:10,644 --> 00:15:13,111
And all genders!
336
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:17,081
Of course.
You and Richard are lovers.
337
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:20,385
Geriatric sex killer
hides behind gay lover.
338
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:22,120
You know what?
That could work.
339
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:23,655
Thanks Larry!
340
00:15:23,657 --> 00:15:25,123
No, no.
No, no, no.
341
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:28,927
[whimpering]
342
00:15:30,162 --> 00:15:31,162
Richard!
343
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:33,631
Not now, fuck sauce.
I'm not in the mood.
344
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:35,199
Um, you know how I'm
always telling you
345
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:38,136
not to take people hostage?
346
00:15:39,171 --> 00:15:40,538
[whimpering]
347
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,974
I know you're out there,you moronic beanpole!
348
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:44,208
Let me out!
349
00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:46,244
What the fuck?
Richard, please don't be mad.
350
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:47,712
I didn't know what else to do.
351
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:49,147
She tried to make me confess
352
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,648
that you killed Ms. Kinkman
with your penis,
353
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:52,116
so I grabbed for her camera
354
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:53,318
and one thing led
to another and...
355
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,718
...And you locked Coverton's
most prominent journalist
356
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,120
in the trunk of a car?
357
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:58,122
How the fuck is that going
to help me with the dame vote?
358
00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,958
The correct term
is "female vote"
359
00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:01,125
and I didn't want
you to get caught
360
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,493
in her evil clutches.
361
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:03,728
When I tell the world
what you've done,
362
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:05,163
you're both going to fry!
363
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:06,531
I should have just fucked her!
364
00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:08,132
You got her phone, right?
365
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:10,168
It all happened so fast...
366
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,603
Jesus, Larry, have you never
taken a hostage before?
367
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,172
I've watched while you have.
368
00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:15,640
Using that!
369
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:19,043
[Fitz's ringtone]
370
00:16:19,045 --> 00:16:20,278
Fuck, it's Dot.
371
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,579
Please don't tell her!
She'll kill me.
372
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:22,647
Oh, I won't.
373
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,116
Because I want to be
able to kill you first.
374
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,317
Yeah.
375
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,685
How'd it go with Melody?
376
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,187
Fan-fucking-tastic.
377
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:29,887
Keys!
378
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:31,656
That's great!
I have good news too.
379
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,192
The Ladies Auxilary is hosting
a 24 hour hula-thon.
380
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:36,661
24 hour
what-the-fuck-a-thon?
381
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,129
They hula hoop for 24 hours.
382
00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:39,530
Raise money for the
woman's shelter.
383
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,232
You're taking
Edith's spot.
384
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,134
Can't I just write
a cheque?
385
00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:44,535
You want to save your
political career?
386
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,404
Photo Op.
Twenty minutes.
387
00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:47,739
Fuck!
388
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:54,078
First murder, now kidnapping?
You just got me my own show!
389
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,314
Ms. Gray, this
was an unfortunate accident.
390
00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:58,249
A friend helping out a friend.
391
00:16:58,251 --> 00:16:59,650
Really,
Larry-nothing-comes-up-
392
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:01,119
with a-background-check?
393
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,353
What other evil lurks
394
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,755
beneath the unfortunate
sweater vest?
395
00:17:03,757 --> 00:17:05,790
I am not a deviant!
396
00:17:05,792 --> 00:17:08,726
Yeah? You are now!
397
00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:12,397
Breaking news! Geriatricsex killer running for office!
398
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:13,798
When the police find me here,
399
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,401
trapped and terrified,
400
00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:19,537
but determined to see a
murderer brought to justice -
401
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,672
a star will be born.
402
00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:23,541
Fuck!
This is not how this works!
403
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,576
Find Josh and
get this trunk open.
404
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:27,545
I'll be back
in half an hour.
405
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:28,679
Don't worry, buddy.
406
00:17:28,681 --> 00:17:31,282
I will restore the female
population's faith in you
407
00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:32,817
if it is the last
thing that I do!
408
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:35,119
You really are the world's
biggest douchebag.
409
00:17:35,121 --> 00:17:37,522
I was not talking to you.
410
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:41,659
Doc...
411
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:43,361
Doc!
412
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,263
I don't even know
why I'm here.
413
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,798
I'd argue that a lifetime
414
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:49,133
of alcohol dependency
is why you're here.
415
00:17:49,135 --> 00:17:51,436
You gotta give me something
to take the edge off.
416
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:53,604
I can't stand
the sight of her.
417
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:55,740
The sight of who,
Mr. Fitzpatrick?
418
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,675
Who the fuck do you
think, you quack?
419
00:17:57,677 --> 00:17:59,811
Doctor,
garbage book tooth impaction.
420
00:17:59,813 --> 00:18:01,212
Got it?
421
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:04,182
Stay the fuck away from me,
you gnarled penis clamp.
422
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,783
Ken...
423
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:07,819
Can I call you Ken?
424
00:18:07,821 --> 00:18:09,387
You're safe here.
425
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:11,689
We'll talk about
this in session, Ken.
426
00:18:16,495 --> 00:18:19,797
Ah, ladies,
hey, all right!
427
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:21,332
I'm Richard Fitzpatrick
428
00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:23,134
I'm running for city council,
how you doing?
429
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:24,535
Say cheese!
430
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:28,139
Okay, great.
That was great.
431
00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:30,575
Okay, excuse us
just a second.
432
00:18:30,577 --> 00:18:31,776
What happened in
the interview?
433
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,277
Why?
What did you hear?
434
00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:38,249
Fitz, what the
fuck is going on?
435
00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:39,684
Jesus!
Trust much?
436
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:41,385
I thought we were friends.
437
00:18:52,164 --> 00:18:55,166
You sent that car
to the motherfucking crusher?
438
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,267
Don't worry, dude -
439
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:57,802
you'll get your cut
after the Ruptals cash in.
440
00:18:57,804 --> 00:19:01,339
You sent Melody's
car to the crusher.
441
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:02,707
Really, Josh?
442
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:04,408
Why, what's your problem?
443
00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:05,576
It's not like there was
a woman in the trunk.
444
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:08,679
There was a woman
in the trunk!
445
00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,148
Gotta save her!
446
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:11,415
All right, fine.
447
00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:12,717
Would you--!
448
00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:19,490
Nice try, Fitz.
449
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,392
You barely managed
to slow me down!
450
00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:23,194
My article is finished
451
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:25,463
and so is your
political career.
452
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,334
Ho ho ho!
453
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,203
Driving me out of cell range?
454
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,738
Well played!
455
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:35,540
Ow! Hey!
456
00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:38,676
Okay, know what - now we're
in TV movie territory!
457
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,946
Hostage in Heels -
The Melody Gray Story.
458
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:43,781
[thumping]
459
00:19:43,783 --> 00:19:45,416
[gasp]
460
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:47,652
Hello?
461
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:49,420
Hello!
462
00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:50,688
Okay...
463
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:53,558
[screaming]
464
00:19:55,794 --> 00:19:57,862
What the hell?
465
00:20:00,232 --> 00:20:01,966
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
466
00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:04,335
Excuse me, sir!
Hold on!
467
00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:06,437
Joey!
Joey!
468
00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:07,838
[screaming]
469
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,308
Joey! Joey!
470
00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:12,977
Joey!
There's a woman in the trunk!
471
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:14,345
Gotcha.
472
00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:15,813
No!
We need to get her out!
473
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:17,515
That's double.
474
00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:18,683
Fuck!
Larry!
475
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:20,751
Okay, we've got...
twenty...
476
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:23,254
Give me the fucking money!
Jesus!
477
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:27,225
[screaming continues]
478
00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:29,527
Joey...!
479
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:31,796
Joey!For fuck sake, put her down!
480
00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:42,974
[screaming continues]
481
00:20:42,976 --> 00:20:44,642
Get me out of here!
482
00:20:46,545 --> 00:20:48,579
Oh my God, I could
have been killed!
483
00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:52,516
Oh my God, I could
have been killed.
484
00:20:52,518 --> 00:20:53,751
But you weren't
485
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,620
and you have Richard
to thank for that.
486
00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:57,822
Oh, you saved my life,
I don't know what to say.
487
00:20:57,824 --> 00:20:59,290
Don't say anything.
488
00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:01,592
And for God's sake,
don't publish anything.
489
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,461
Oops, got a signal!
490
00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:04,795
No!
491
00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:06,364
Fuck!
492
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:07,832
Hello Pulitzer.
493
00:21:10,702 --> 00:21:11,769
No love.
494
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,271
Can't thank you.
495
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:16,407
[whimpering]
496
00:21:21,747 --> 00:21:24,882
Can't sorry, alone.
497
00:21:24,884 --> 00:21:27,618
What do you want from me?
What do you want?
498
00:21:30,722 --> 00:21:32,623
[sighs]
499
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:34,592
Understand yet?
500
00:21:37,396 --> 00:21:38,729
No.
501
00:21:38,731 --> 00:21:40,831
I don't understand.
502
00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:44,068
I never fucking did.
503
00:21:44,070 --> 00:21:46,537
All the years
we were together.
504
00:21:46,539 --> 00:21:48,339
You never once
said a single thing
505
00:21:48,341 --> 00:21:49,840
that made sense to me.
506
00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:52,009
For once in your fucking life,
507
00:21:52,011 --> 00:21:54,545
will you just talk
straight to me?
508
00:21:54,547 --> 00:21:57,848
How am I supposed
to talk to you,
509
00:21:57,850 --> 00:21:59,617
you dumb mook?
510
00:21:59,619 --> 00:22:01,585
First thing my mom taught me
511
00:22:01,587 --> 00:22:02,853
after how to boost a car -
512
00:22:02,855 --> 00:22:06,791
was never talk to a man
who doesn't respect women.
513
00:22:06,793 --> 00:22:08,626
The fuck are you
talking about?
514
00:22:11,963 --> 00:22:13,798
The dealership.
515
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:15,633
Took some dream you had
516
00:22:15,635 --> 00:22:17,802
in the back room of a bar
517
00:22:17,804 --> 00:22:19,537
and helped you build it.
518
00:22:19,539 --> 00:22:21,872
Brick by brick, car by car,
519
00:22:21,874 --> 00:22:23,974
every fucking day.
520
00:22:23,976 --> 00:22:27,445
And you never thanked me.
521
00:22:27,447 --> 00:22:29,947
Do I really have
to fucking say it?
522
00:22:33,552 --> 00:22:37,121
You were the best thing
that ever happened to me.
523
00:22:40,659 --> 00:22:42,827
Oh, Daddy.
524
00:22:45,597 --> 00:22:47,732
I love it when
you call me daddy.
525
00:22:49,468 --> 00:22:51,469
I always call you daddy.
526
00:22:51,471 --> 00:22:54,705
I think I've made some
remarkable progress here.
527
00:22:54,707 --> 00:22:57,141
It's time we get those
discharge papers ready.
528
00:22:57,143 --> 00:22:59,744
And now we get to
go home together!
529
00:22:59,746 --> 00:23:00,978
Fuck.
530
00:23:00,980 --> 00:23:03,547
Get it off!
Get if off!
531
00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:05,649
Get it off me!
532
00:23:08,887 --> 00:23:10,721
You kidnapped the woman who
was supposed to be saving you?
533
00:23:10,723 --> 00:23:11,989
Don't look at me.
534
00:23:11,991 --> 00:23:14,959
Kidnapping is such
a strong word.
535
00:23:14,961 --> 00:23:17,428
Melody's report claims that
you were "with" Edith
536
00:23:17,430 --> 00:23:18,763
when she passed!
537
00:23:18,765 --> 00:23:20,731
And I've been
trying to tell them
538
00:23:20,733 --> 00:23:24,635
that this report
is a pack of lies.
539
00:23:24,637 --> 00:23:27,738
Do you want to tell them
what really happened, Richard?
540
00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:28,873
Or should I?
541
00:23:28,875 --> 00:23:30,608
This is not Richard's fault.
542
00:23:30,610 --> 00:23:33,811
I, Larry, fully
acknowledge my role
543
00:23:33,813 --> 00:23:39,483
in this awful and terrible
and not very good situation.
544
00:23:39,485 --> 00:23:44,688
Murder, kidnapping
sexual addiction-
545
00:23:44,690 --> 00:23:46,991
it's the trifecta of awesome.
546
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,861
If you have any chance of
winning this election,
547
00:23:50,863 --> 00:23:53,631
it's the same way that got
you here in the first place.
548
00:23:53,633 --> 00:23:54,865
Being yourself.
549
00:23:54,867 --> 00:23:55,966
Because the truth is,
550
00:23:55,968 --> 00:23:57,468
you are incapable
of anything else.
551
00:23:57,470 --> 00:23:58,536
And so am I.
552
00:23:58,538 --> 00:24:01,472
Tell them the
truth about Edith.
553
00:24:06,945 --> 00:24:09,613
You want to know the truth
about Edith Kinkman?
554
00:24:09,615 --> 00:24:12,016
I'll tell you.
555
00:24:12,018 --> 00:24:15,719
I was down on my luck,
and she took me in.
556
00:24:15,721 --> 00:24:17,922
So I went for a dive.
557
00:24:17,924 --> 00:24:21,592
It took a while,
but I found treasure.
558
00:24:21,594 --> 00:24:23,961
So did she.
559
00:24:23,963 --> 00:24:26,630
She was smiling
when they found her.
560
00:24:26,632 --> 00:24:28,098
You bet your ass she was.
561
00:24:28,100 --> 00:24:29,867
And you know why?
562
00:24:29,869 --> 00:24:31,602
Because I love women.
563
00:24:31,604 --> 00:24:33,037
All women.
564
00:24:33,039 --> 00:24:37,908
Young, old, thin, fat,
tall, short...
565
00:24:37,910 --> 00:24:39,777
I fucked a midget once.
566
00:24:39,779 --> 00:24:41,645
And then you know what I did?
567
00:24:41,647 --> 00:24:43,681
I fucked her again.
568
00:24:43,683 --> 00:24:45,983
'Cuz that's the
kind of guy I am.
569
00:24:45,985 --> 00:24:47,985
I give until it hurts.
570
00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:49,753
And, if elected,
571
00:24:49,755 --> 00:24:52,490
I will make sure all
the ladies of Coverton
572
00:24:52,492 --> 00:24:55,659
get their fair share.
573
00:25:07,105 --> 00:25:08,606
Yeah.
574
00:25:08,608 --> 00:25:10,875
Stuff your ballot box
with that, ladies.
575
00:25:10,877 --> 00:25:13,711
Vote for Fitz!
Because - oh...
576
00:25:18,850 --> 00:25:21,552
Know what?
You still kidnapped me.
577
00:25:21,554 --> 00:25:23,587
And I have these Old Bags
to back me up.
578
00:25:23,589 --> 00:25:25,189
It's your word against ours.
579
00:25:25,191 --> 00:25:27,958
And I didn't see a thing.
580
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:30,761
Neither did the Old Bags.
581
00:25:30,763 --> 00:25:31,829
You know what, Richard?
582
00:25:31,831 --> 00:25:34,265
There you go:
The truth has set you free.
583
00:25:34,267 --> 00:25:37,067
How's that for
a fucking platform?
584
00:25:37,069 --> 00:25:38,569
Town gigolo?
585
00:25:38,571 --> 00:25:43,641
I'm gonna give the
people what they deserve.
586
00:25:43,643 --> 00:25:44,975
No apologies.
587
00:25:44,977 --> 00:25:46,744
No excuses.
588
00:25:46,746 --> 00:25:50,014
I'm gonna own up
to every scandal,
589
00:25:50,016 --> 00:25:52,983
every bad thing
I've ever done.
590
00:25:52,985 --> 00:25:55,719
Because I'm Richard
Fitzpatrick.
591
00:25:55,721 --> 00:25:57,955
The last honest man.
592
00:25:59,858 --> 00:26:01,859
Yeah.
593
00:26:01,861 --> 00:26:04,628
Now, I can do whatever
the hell I want.
46950
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