Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,431 --> 00:00:03,631
♪♪
2
00:00:07,178 --> 00:00:08,678
Morning, Tuck.
3
00:00:08,679 --> 00:00:10,679
Hey, did you hear that weird
high-pitched shriek last night?
4
00:00:10,681 --> 00:00:12,781
Kind of like a--
a cat dying?
5
00:00:12,783 --> 00:00:14,793
Where's my cuddle bear?
6
00:00:14,785 --> 00:00:16,185
Oh, there you are!
7
00:00:16,187 --> 00:00:17,947
That's the one.
8
00:00:17,948 --> 00:00:19,388
Oh. Ben, hi.
9
00:00:19,390 --> 00:00:20,690
I don't suppose you'd believe
10
00:00:20,691 --> 00:00:22,121
I was just down here
borrowing a cup of sugar?
11
00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:23,593
Even though I kind of was.
12
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:25,995
Just so you know,
13
00:00:25,996 --> 00:00:27,496
I'm not normally
the kind of girl
14
00:00:27,498 --> 00:00:29,028
that does this sort of thing,
but ever since my divorce,
15
00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,399
I've just been trying
to get out there more.
16
00:00:30,401 --> 00:00:32,301
But ironically, out there is
really just the fourth floor.
17
00:00:32,303 --> 00:00:33,863
I'm so lucky
to have my Tuckle-bear.
18
00:00:33,864 --> 00:00:35,274
I would be totally lost
without him.
19
00:00:36,807 --> 00:00:39,037
Dude, how do you
put up with her voice?
20
00:00:40,171 --> 00:00:41,341
Oh.
21
00:00:43,074 --> 00:00:44,284
I'm sorry,
did you say something?
22
00:00:44,275 --> 00:00:45,375
(chortles)
23
00:00:45,376 --> 00:00:47,016
Asked and answered.
24
00:00:47,017 --> 00:00:49,577
So, are you and Sondra
dating again?
25
00:00:49,580 --> 00:00:50,950
Dating? Please.
26
00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:53,921
She knocks on the pipes
whenever her ex has the kid
27
00:00:53,924 --> 00:00:57,094
and comes down
to be Tucked into bed.
28
00:00:57,088 --> 00:00:59,128
Okay. Good to know.
29
00:00:59,130 --> 00:01:01,060
Is it? No.
No, not at all.
30
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,061
(phone rings)
31
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:05,535
Hello?
32
00:01:05,536 --> 00:01:07,036
Yeah, this is Ben.
33
00:01:08,038 --> 00:01:09,068
What?
34
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,239
Uh, yeah.
35
00:01:10,241 --> 00:01:11,871
Let me see
if I can find her. Thanks.
36
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:13,302
Dude, something's wrong
with Riley.
37
00:01:13,304 --> 00:01:14,984
She didn't show up
to work today. Here.
38
00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:16,745
Apparently, I'm still
her emergency contact.
39
00:01:19,250 --> 00:01:22,010
Hey, well, if she's not dead,
we need milk.
40
00:01:22,012 --> 00:01:23,982
-(door closes)
-But actually, we need it
either way!
41
00:01:26,117 --> 00:01:27,257
Riley? Are you here?
42
00:01:27,258 --> 00:01:28,058
-Whoa! Oh!
-(yelps)
43
00:01:31,722 --> 00:01:33,162
Oh, good, you're okay.
44
00:01:33,164 --> 00:01:34,674
(theme music playing)
45
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,966
♪ It's amazing how
the unexpected ♪
46
00:01:38,969 --> 00:01:42,069
♪ Can take your life
and change directions ♪
47
00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:48,076
I just don't understand why
you're her emergency contact.
48
00:01:48,078 --> 00:01:50,138
And I just don't understand
why you don't understand
49
00:01:50,141 --> 00:01:51,041
how an alarm clock works!
50
00:01:51,041 --> 00:01:52,441
Oh, my God,
I am so late.
51
00:01:52,443 --> 00:01:55,253
Dude, it's just
an emergency contact.
52
00:01:55,246 --> 00:01:58,186
Calm down. It's not like
my name is tattooed on her ass.
53
00:01:58,189 --> 00:01:59,519
Although it could have been.
54
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,020
We were in a relationship.
55
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:02,051
Relationship?
56
00:02:02,052 --> 00:02:03,092
That's kind of
a stretch, isn't it?
57
00:02:03,093 --> 00:02:04,933
Uh, no. We dated.
58
00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:05,955
So?
59
00:02:05,956 --> 00:02:07,426
She dated a lot of people.
60
00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:09,958
This, this is a relationship.
61
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:13,160
Oh, so what you're saying
is that what I had with Riley
doesn't count?
62
00:02:13,164 --> 00:02:14,174
Yeah, kinda.
63
00:02:14,165 --> 00:02:16,135
Oh, I see what this is.
64
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,006
Yeah, you're just jealous
of what we had.
65
00:02:18,008 --> 00:02:20,338
Oh, so I'm jealous
of nothing? Got it.
66
00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:21,811
Now, if you'll excuse me,
67
00:02:21,812 --> 00:02:23,112
I'd like to say goodbye
to my girlfriend.
68
00:02:23,113 --> 00:02:24,353
(door slams shut)
69
00:02:27,017 --> 00:02:29,247
She's probably just in a rush
to change her emergency contact.
70
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:33,152
Bonnie:
"All I can say
71
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:37,233
is Realtor Bonnie Wheeler
found me my dream home."
72
00:02:37,228 --> 00:02:38,528
There you go, Emma.
73
00:02:38,529 --> 00:02:40,789
Your very first online review.
74
00:02:42,433 --> 00:02:44,303
If this doesn't drum up
more listings,
75
00:02:44,295 --> 00:02:46,395
Grandma's gonna need
you to tap dance in a bear suit
76
00:02:46,397 --> 00:02:48,667
while I hand out fliers
in Times Square.
77
00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:51,270
Hey, Danny, oh, my gosh.
78
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:54,042
I have some amazing news.
79
00:02:54,044 --> 00:02:55,184
Okay, get this.
80
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,845
Out of all of the associates,
I was asked to give
81
00:02:57,848 --> 00:03:00,148
the retirement speech
for Bernard Bender,
82
00:03:00,150 --> 00:03:01,910
one of the firm's
founding partners!
83
00:03:01,912 --> 00:03:03,482
-That's cool!
-Bigger.
84
00:03:03,484 --> 00:03:05,264
-That's amazing!
-Bigger.
85
00:03:05,256 --> 00:03:06,816
I am so proud of you!
86
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,619
Are you talking about
87
00:03:09,620 --> 00:03:13,160
the legendary real estate
attorney, Bernard Bender?
88
00:03:13,163 --> 00:03:14,233
The King of Condos?
89
00:03:14,225 --> 00:03:15,165
The Crown of Downtown?
90
00:03:15,165 --> 00:03:16,365
The Lord of Slumlords?
91
00:03:17,468 --> 00:03:18,498
Where are you going
with this?
92
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,869
Oh, my God, if I could
get him as a client...
93
00:03:20,871 --> 00:03:22,171
And we're there. No.
94
00:03:22,172 --> 00:03:23,202
No, no, no, no.
95
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,243
Mrs. Wheeler, please.
96
00:03:24,235 --> 00:03:25,335
He is a sweet,
97
00:03:25,336 --> 00:03:28,236
darling, old man
who occasionally mistakes me
98
00:03:28,239 --> 00:03:29,809
for his daughter--
Put those away!
99
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:30,940
-Okay, fine!
-All right?
100
00:03:31,942 --> 00:03:33,382
No.
101
00:03:33,384 --> 00:03:35,294
You have to promise me that
you will stay away from him.
102
00:03:35,286 --> 00:03:37,046
(scoffs)
What?
103
00:03:37,047 --> 00:03:38,447
I just want to meet him...
104
00:03:38,449 --> 00:03:40,249
shake his wallet-- hand!
105
00:03:40,251 --> 00:03:41,821
I mean hand!
Totally his hand.
106
00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:43,292
(groans)
107
00:03:43,294 --> 00:03:45,764
Okay, fine.
108
00:03:45,756 --> 00:03:49,326
I promise to stay away from him.
109
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:52,001
-Good. Thank you.
-Yeah.
110
00:03:52,002 --> 00:03:54,342
All right, I am gonna go
work on my speech.
111
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:55,535
I will--
I'll see you later, Danny?
112
00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:56,536
Bye!
113
00:03:58,339 --> 00:03:59,169
(door closes)
114
00:03:59,169 --> 00:04:00,209
What?
115
00:04:00,210 --> 00:04:02,840
I'm just trying to
figure out the loophole.
116
00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:06,453
See, you promised
to stay away from him,
117
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:09,017
but you didn't promise
that he'd stay away from you!
118
00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:12,151
Oh, my God,
you are my son.
119
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:13,352
Come here. I'm sorry.
120
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:19,858
Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben!
121
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:21,790
We've got a problem.
122
00:04:21,792 --> 00:04:23,262
Is it that my best friend likes
123
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,373
to walk around town
carrying a stuffed bear?
124
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,766
Because I accept you anyway.
125
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,599
-Though I'd rather
you get rid of the bear.
-(scoffs)
126
00:04:30,601 --> 00:04:33,471
No. And this was a gift...
127
00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,284
-from Sondra.
-(click)
128
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,675
Sondra's voice:
Happy one month
anniversary, Tuckle-bear!
129
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:42,110
Dude, she thinks we're dating!
130
00:04:42,112 --> 00:04:44,282
Why would she want
to ruin a good thing
131
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,064
with actual feelings?
132
00:04:46,056 --> 00:04:48,316
What am I supposed to do now?
133
00:04:48,319 --> 00:04:49,589
Here's a thought.
134
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,560
Next time she bangs
on the pipes, don't bang back.
135
00:04:52,563 --> 00:04:54,373
Well, what about my pipes?
136
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,266
Hey, Tuck...
137
00:04:57,267 --> 00:04:59,197
you think Riley
and I had something, right?
138
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:00,269
Really?
139
00:05:00,270 --> 00:05:02,330
We can't have
one conversation about me?
140
00:05:03,634 --> 00:05:05,544
It's like Danny wants
to pretend that what I had
141
00:05:05,536 --> 00:05:07,036
with Riley didn't even exist.
142
00:05:07,037 --> 00:05:09,507
Well, I guess
I understand that.
143
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,740
It's kind of like when
I gave my cousin my bike,
144
00:05:11,742 --> 00:05:13,542
and he wouldn't even
let me ride it once in a while.
145
00:05:15,346 --> 00:05:17,386
I just know that
if the roles were reversed,
146
00:05:17,388 --> 00:05:19,518
I would have the decency
to be jealous of him.
147
00:05:21,652 --> 00:05:24,092
They are, and you are.
148
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,325
No, I am not!
But he will be!
149
00:05:28,659 --> 00:05:30,659
Hey, guys!
How's it goin'?
150
00:05:30,661 --> 00:05:32,761
Riles, I just got a text
from Abbey and Steve.
151
00:05:32,763 --> 00:05:34,643
-Oh!
-Yeah, they were just saying
how much they miss us
152
00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:36,135
at Couples-Only Game Night,
153
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:38,306
which you only get to go to
if you're a couple.
154
00:05:39,370 --> 00:05:41,040
Well, we should have them over!
155
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:42,241
I love games!
156
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:43,812
Oh, my God, how much
fun would that be?
157
00:05:43,814 --> 00:05:45,554
Ben you have
their number, right?
158
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:48,547
It's in my phone.
159
00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,749
(laughter)
160
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,381
-(laughing)
-Oh, my God.
161
00:05:52,383 --> 00:05:54,053
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
162
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:57,634
And that's why I have
dual citizenship in Guam!
163
00:05:57,628 --> 00:05:58,628
So...
164
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,491
Mrs. Wheeler.
165
00:06:02,493 --> 00:06:04,193
Mr. Bender, hi.
166
00:06:04,194 --> 00:06:06,374
What an odd,
why-am-I-not-surprised surprise.
167
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,396
What are you doing here?
168
00:06:07,398 --> 00:06:09,198
Oh, it's a funny story.
169
00:06:09,199 --> 00:06:10,239
Do you wanna tell it?
170
00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:11,570
-Eh.
-Okay, yeah, I'll tell it.
171
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,254
So I came by
to meet you for lunch...
172
00:06:16,246 --> 00:06:17,446
We weren't having lunch.
173
00:06:17,448 --> 00:06:18,948
I know.
I forgot to invite you.
174
00:06:18,949 --> 00:06:21,309
And on my way out,
175
00:06:21,311 --> 00:06:23,611
Bendy here practically
ran me over,
176
00:06:23,614 --> 00:06:25,824
and somehow,
I ended up in his lap.
177
00:06:25,816 --> 00:06:27,416
Well, you know,
one thing led to another,
178
00:06:27,418 --> 00:06:30,018
and he insisted
on taking me out to lunch,
179
00:06:30,020 --> 00:06:31,120
so, well, here we are.
180
00:06:32,322 --> 00:06:33,492
So you kidnapped him.
181
00:06:34,665 --> 00:06:36,625
Isn't she hilarious?
182
00:06:36,627 --> 00:06:38,167
(louder)
She's hilarious!
183
00:06:38,168 --> 00:06:39,668
Ha!
184
00:06:39,670 --> 00:06:41,430
(wheezes, coughs)
185
00:06:44,535 --> 00:06:46,205
Oh, my God,
I love your laugh.
186
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:52,581
It's done.
187
00:06:52,583 --> 00:06:54,623
Sondra will not be
bothering us anymore.
188
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,515
If you need help
burying the body, count me out.
189
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:57,747
I hurt my back yesterday.
190
00:06:58,949 --> 00:07:00,789
No, man.
I told her the truth.
191
00:07:00,791 --> 00:07:01,891
That I wasn't interested
192
00:07:01,892 --> 00:07:04,732
in anything more
than a physical relationship.
193
00:07:06,096 --> 00:07:08,296
Tucker, women don't want
to hear the truth.
194
00:07:08,298 --> 00:07:10,098
Well, I mean, I guess
they probably do,
195
00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:11,360
but it's just safer not to.
196
00:07:12,663 --> 00:07:15,113
Dude, but she just kept
going on and on about how
197
00:07:15,105 --> 00:07:18,505
we're so right for each other
and how she feels so betrayed.
198
00:07:18,509 --> 00:07:19,939
I mean, at least that's
what I think she said.
199
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,310
I had my earplugs in.
200
00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:24,483
God, some people just
don't know how to move on.
201
00:07:26,076 --> 00:07:27,246
Oh!
202
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:28,317
That's what I should do!
203
00:07:28,318 --> 00:07:29,748
And we're back to you.
204
00:07:30,921 --> 00:07:32,151
I'm gonna show Danny
205
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,722
that Riley hasn't
completely moved on!
206
00:07:33,724 --> 00:07:34,794
But she has.
207
00:07:34,785 --> 00:07:36,585
-Well, you don't know that.
-But I do.
208
00:07:36,587 --> 00:07:37,887
You know what?
209
00:07:37,888 --> 00:07:39,528
I'm gonna find some
old photos of us together,
210
00:07:39,530 --> 00:07:41,260
leave them in her apartment
where Danny will see them,
211
00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:42,861
and then he'll think
she's still pining over me.
212
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:44,063
But she's not!
213
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:45,874
You don't know that!
214
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:47,166
(knocking)
215
00:07:52,002 --> 00:07:53,342
Sondra, hi.
216
00:07:53,343 --> 00:07:54,953
-Look, I know this
must be hard on y--
-Shh.
217
00:07:56,547 --> 00:07:57,707
It's my turn, Tuckle-bear.
218
00:07:57,708 --> 00:07:59,508
I was doing a lot of thinking
219
00:07:59,510 --> 00:08:01,110
while I was cutting up
pictures of you.
220
00:08:01,111 --> 00:08:02,281
Um, I'm sorry,
221
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:03,452
what's up with your voice?
222
00:08:04,915 --> 00:08:07,215
If you must know,
I've also been drinking
223
00:08:07,217 --> 00:08:10,287
and alcohol makes my voice
kind of low and annoying.
224
00:08:11,962 --> 00:08:13,422
You know what?
225
00:08:14,765 --> 00:08:16,625
I think you might
have misunderstood
226
00:08:16,627 --> 00:08:18,697
what I was saying earlier.
227
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:21,499
Let's talk about this
over some wine.
228
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:22,971
Yeah. In my room.
229
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:26,244
Go ahead, girl!
I'mma get you! Go!
230
00:08:26,236 --> 00:08:27,476
(chuckles)
231
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:35,324
No, that's too obvious.
232
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:36,315
Oh! Nightstand.
233
00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:38,447
What the hell are you doing?
234
00:08:38,448 --> 00:08:40,118
Riley! Hi! Uh...
235
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,590
I was just looking
for something I dropped earlier.
236
00:08:42,593 --> 00:08:43,993
-Hey, what is that?
Is that a picture of us?
-No.
237
00:08:43,994 --> 00:08:45,164
-Yes, it is.
-No, it's not.
238
00:08:45,155 --> 00:08:46,495
-Yes, it is. Let me see it.
-No, it's not, Riley.
239
00:08:46,496 --> 00:08:47,596
-Just let go. No.
-Ben, let me see the picture!
240
00:08:47,598 --> 00:08:48,658
(both grunt)
241
00:08:48,659 --> 00:08:49,929
What the hell is going on?
242
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:51,160
Dude, calm down.
243
00:08:51,161 --> 00:08:53,431
This is not
what it looks like...
244
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:55,313
but I completely understand
if you're jealous.
245
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:02,141
Ben, what is wrong with you?
246
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:03,572
I mean, are you actively
247
00:09:03,574 --> 00:09:05,224
trying to make Danny jealous?
248
00:09:05,215 --> 00:09:07,515
(sputters)
No, that's ridiculous.
249
00:09:07,517 --> 00:09:08,517
You think it worked?
250
00:09:09,780 --> 00:09:12,420
No, because he's not, all right?
251
00:09:12,422 --> 00:09:13,482
But if you keep this up,
252
00:09:13,483 --> 00:09:15,663
I mean, you can kiss
our friendship goodbye.
253
00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:16,586
You want to kiss me goodbye?
254
00:09:16,587 --> 00:09:18,227
That would definitely
make Danny jealous.
255
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:21,689
Ben, oh, my God.
I am begging you.
256
00:09:21,692 --> 00:09:23,762
-Please! You cannot--
-Okay! Fine, fine, fine, fine!
257
00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:24,944
I'm sorry, okay? Calm down.
258
00:09:24,935 --> 00:09:25,995
I'm sorry.
259
00:09:25,996 --> 00:09:27,066
Forgive me?
260
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,067
I'm sorry.
261
00:09:30,741 --> 00:09:31,771
Thank you.
262
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,572
-It's just that--
-Oh, my-- oh, my God.
263
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:34,983
-Oh, no, no, no!
-My-- my-- my-- my hand!
It-- it's okay. It's fine.
264
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:37,105
-No, don't pull it!
It's gonna snag!
-It's caught on your shirt!
265
00:09:37,107 --> 00:09:38,607
-This is an expensive shirt!
-Hey, Riley, I was just
wondering if you wanted to...
266
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:50,559
Hey, what's up, Danny?
267
00:09:52,322 --> 00:09:53,392
Bonnie:
What?
268
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,503
You're a real estate attorney?
269
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:57,325
I'm a real estate agent.
270
00:09:57,327 --> 00:10:00,297
With your money
and my sales associates...
271
00:10:02,532 --> 00:10:04,602
we would be unstoppable!
272
00:10:06,476 --> 00:10:08,806
You have kind eyes, Margaret.
273
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:10,209
(chuckles)
274
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,780
Again, it's Bonnie.
275
00:10:12,783 --> 00:10:13,943
But thank you.
276
00:10:15,545 --> 00:10:17,015
So do you...
277
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:19,787
in a bloodshot,
cataracty sort of way.
278
00:10:21,491 --> 00:10:24,091
I'm being honored
at a banquet.
279
00:10:24,094 --> 00:10:25,834
Will you come as my date?
280
00:10:26,857 --> 00:10:28,527
What do you say, Beatrice?
281
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:34,260
Well, I say let's party
like it's 1899!
282
00:10:34,264 --> 00:10:35,474
Yeah!
283
00:10:35,465 --> 00:10:37,765
Or whatever year
you're from. So...
284
00:10:37,768 --> 00:10:40,338
All right, you know,
I'm gonna go get us
some more drinks, okay?
285
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,610
Here you go.
286
00:10:41,611 --> 00:10:42,611
Yeah.
287
00:10:43,774 --> 00:10:45,784
Tucker, I just got
the craziest idea.
288
00:10:45,776 --> 00:10:46,616
(whispering)
289
00:10:47,718 --> 00:10:48,848
Damn, girl!
290
00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:50,879
I'm gonna need
different shoes for that!
291
00:10:52,182 --> 00:10:55,592
Uh-oh, I can see
the bottom of my wine glass.
292
00:10:55,585 --> 00:10:57,385
(chuckles)
293
00:10:57,387 --> 00:10:58,527
I'm on it.
294
00:11:01,932 --> 00:11:03,792
Mrs. Wheeler.
295
00:11:03,794 --> 00:11:05,774
How's it going with Father Time?
296
00:11:07,097 --> 00:11:09,437
Oh, can you ask him
what happened to the dinosaurs?
297
00:11:09,439 --> 00:11:10,799
Oh.
(scoffs)
298
00:11:10,801 --> 00:11:12,501
Yeah, like you're any better.
299
00:11:12,502 --> 00:11:16,012
Trying to muzzle
that pterodactyl
with chardonnay.
300
00:11:16,006 --> 00:11:18,706
Hey, hey, she is getting
herself drunk, all right?
301
00:11:18,709 --> 00:11:20,509
What am I supposed to do?
302
00:11:20,510 --> 00:11:22,110
Not sleep with someone
303
00:11:22,112 --> 00:11:24,612
whose sober voice makes me want
to go cordless bungee jumping?
304
00:11:25,956 --> 00:11:27,386
And what am I supposed to do?
305
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,987
Not seduce one of the most
powerful men in real estate
306
00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:31,260
to further my career?
307
00:11:34,624 --> 00:11:36,834
-We're horrible people.
-Yes.
308
00:11:36,827 --> 00:11:37,927
Yes, we are.
309
00:11:37,928 --> 00:11:39,668
-Well, you in particular.
-What?
310
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:42,531
Well, what do you think
we should do?
311
00:11:42,532 --> 00:11:44,202
Say a few "Hail Marys,"
do a couple of shots,
312
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,544
and pretend we're cool with it?
313
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,477
In the meantime,
314
00:11:48,478 --> 00:11:49,978
Bendy just invited me
to a hot party.
315
00:11:49,980 --> 00:11:51,180
-Do you want to come?
-Open bar?
316
00:11:51,181 --> 00:11:52,241
-You know it.
-We'll be there.
317
00:11:56,887 --> 00:11:58,247
Oh, hey, Tuck.
318
00:11:58,248 --> 00:11:59,388
About to head out.
319
00:11:59,389 --> 00:12:00,789
Oh. Away game?
320
00:12:00,791 --> 00:12:01,821
Yeah, just for us.
321
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:03,292
The other team's
playing at home.
322
00:12:05,896 --> 00:12:07,526
But you're gonna
miss Riley's speech.
323
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:08,557
That's okay.
324
00:12:08,558 --> 00:12:09,858
She practiced on me
this morning.
325
00:12:09,860 --> 00:12:12,530
You're probably gonna wish
you had an away game too.
326
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,562
I'm gonna go grab
a quick shower
before I take off.
327
00:12:14,564 --> 00:12:15,574
All right.
328
00:12:21,671 --> 00:12:22,911
(pipes banging)
329
00:12:22,913 --> 00:12:25,723
Aah. The pipes.
330
00:12:25,715 --> 00:12:27,645
I'll take this one...
331
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:31,419
Should probably take these too.
332
00:12:31,421 --> 00:12:32,621
(door opens)
333
00:12:32,622 --> 00:12:33,982
Knock, knock.
Oh, hey, Tuck.
334
00:12:33,984 --> 00:12:35,694
-Is Danny here?
-Yeah. He's in the shower.
335
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,267
(shower running)
336
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:52,801
Ben:
What the--
337
00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:53,703
-(Riley screams)
-(ratting, thump)
338
00:12:56,046 --> 00:12:57,076
Seriously?
339
00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:59,747
Danny! Hey...
340
00:12:59,749 --> 00:13:01,009
Riley:
Oh, Dan-- Wait!
341
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:05,193
-Ugh.
-(door slams shut)
342
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:06,715
-Been working out?
-Get off of me.
343
00:13:12,762 --> 00:13:13,792
(shutter clicks)
344
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,403
Uh, what the hell
are you doing here?
345
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:17,095
Oh, I just came
to show my support
346
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:18,967
and thought I'd send Danny
a few snaps from your big event.
347
00:13:18,969 --> 00:13:20,799
-You want to get in one?
-Oh, my God. Stop.
348
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,230
Ben, this has to stop.
349
00:13:22,232 --> 00:13:23,972
Riley, this isn't
even about you.
350
00:13:23,974 --> 00:13:25,644
Oh, my God! I know.
351
00:13:25,635 --> 00:13:27,435
You know what?
It's never about me.
352
00:13:27,437 --> 00:13:29,177
It is always about you.
353
00:13:29,179 --> 00:13:31,139
You know what?
For once, it would be great--
354
00:13:31,141 --> 00:13:33,881
no, grand,
no, spectacular--
355
00:13:33,884 --> 00:13:36,154
if it could be about me!
356
00:13:36,146 --> 00:13:38,816
Do you have any idea
how hard this has been for me?
357
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,818
-Riley, it's not--
-Hard, Ben!
358
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:41,690
The answer is hard.
359
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:46,903
Do you know how many
age-appropriate single men
360
00:13:46,897 --> 00:13:48,257
there are in Manhattan?
361
00:13:48,258 --> 00:13:50,798
130,000!
362
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:52,460
Yep, I looked it up!
363
00:13:53,763 --> 00:13:55,813
Could I have fallen for,
like, one or two of those guys?
364
00:13:55,805 --> 00:13:59,535
Oh, no. I got to fall
in love with brothers!
365
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:00,769
And instead of being mature
366
00:14:00,770 --> 00:14:03,370
and realizing how crazy
this situation is,
367
00:14:03,373 --> 00:14:05,123
you are trying
to destroy me!
368
00:14:05,115 --> 00:14:06,245
Why, Ben? Why?
369
00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:07,976
Why can't you just
let me be happy?
370
00:14:07,978 --> 00:14:10,778
Oh, my God, that felt so good
to get that all out at once.
371
00:14:13,924 --> 00:14:16,064
Now that you spell it all out,
I can kinda see how
372
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:17,856
this could be
a little stressful for ya.
373
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,327
Oh, could you?
374
00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:23,532
Ben, please.
375
00:14:23,533 --> 00:14:25,643
I am begging you...
376
00:14:25,635 --> 00:14:27,165
to be the amazing guy
377
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:28,997
that I know
you can be and just...
378
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,200
let me move on.
379
00:14:33,904 --> 00:14:35,054
You're right.
380
00:14:35,045 --> 00:14:36,875
And I promise I won't be
a problem anymore.
381
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:40,108
(exhales)
Thank you.
382
00:14:40,110 --> 00:14:41,750
Well, that's good.
383
00:14:41,751 --> 00:14:44,581
So, um, can you help me
find your mom and Mr. Bender?
384
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:45,794
He's the one
with her claws in him.
385
00:14:49,059 --> 00:14:50,589
I'll have another beer.
386
00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,160
And for you, m'lady?
387
00:14:52,162 --> 00:14:53,662
Oh, nothing for me,
Tuckle-bear.
388
00:14:53,663 --> 00:14:54,933
My drinking days are over!
389
00:14:54,925 --> 00:14:56,195
What?
390
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:57,366
No. No, no, no.
391
00:14:57,367 --> 00:14:59,827
Come on, girl.
Nobody likes a quitter.
392
00:14:59,829 --> 00:15:02,029
Well, I've just been drinking
way too much lately.
393
00:15:02,032 --> 00:15:04,002
Hello, wagon.
Meet this girl.
394
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:04,904
This girl is off the hooch.
395
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,744
"Hooch" is a funny word, right?
396
00:15:06,736 --> 00:15:08,406
-I had a cousin named Hooch.
He was a riot.
-Think I'll have a double.
397
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,908
He was this giant man
with a tiny chihuahua
with the worst gas ever.
398
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,310
Oh, my God, I really want
to get a dog,
399
00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:13,412
but I don't know if I want
a big dog or a small dog.
400
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:14,443
You know, we can name it Stinky.
401
00:15:14,444 --> 00:15:15,654
You know, he named
his dog Stinky because
402
00:15:15,645 --> 00:15:17,445
his gas was really stinky
made this funny sound,
403
00:15:17,447 --> 00:15:19,947
so it'd be, like,
he'd be funny and be laughing
but he'd also be smelling it
404
00:15:19,950 --> 00:15:21,390
and be like,
"Ooh, that's Stinky,"
405
00:15:21,391 --> 00:15:22,921
so he'd be laughing
and gagging and laughing
and gagging.
406
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:23,992
There's, like, this whole
new word called "gagging."
407
00:15:23,994 --> 00:15:25,264
I don't think--
No, it's "gaughing."
408
00:15:25,255 --> 00:15:26,825
Is "gaughing" a word?
I don't think gaugh--
409
00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:28,026
Did you know that you can make
a new word in the dictionary
410
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:29,758
if you just tell them a word
and then tell them the meaning
of the word?
411
00:15:29,759 --> 00:15:30,759
If they think
it's a good enough word,
412
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:31,760
they'll just add it
to the dictionary.
413
00:15:32,902 --> 00:15:36,072
Don't they make
motorized wheelchairs?
414
00:15:36,066 --> 00:15:38,506
Last time I pushed this long,
I went home with a kid.
415
00:15:39,769 --> 00:15:40,939
Bonnie, wait.
416
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,070
I-- I need your help.
417
00:15:42,072 --> 00:15:43,912
Oh, you want me to help you
418
00:15:43,913 --> 00:15:45,053
with your new
Wall Street project
419
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:46,475
by giving me
the exclusive listing?
420
00:15:46,476 --> 00:15:47,916
-Oh, Bendy!
-I can't--
421
00:15:47,917 --> 00:15:49,877
I can't believe it either!
422
00:15:49,879 --> 00:15:51,049
My-- my heart.
423
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:52,551
Well, my heart is
as full as yours!
424
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:53,722
I know!
425
00:15:53,723 --> 00:15:54,993
I'm-- I'm dying.
426
00:15:54,985 --> 00:15:56,725
I'm dying to start
working with you too!
427
00:15:56,726 --> 00:15:57,926
Oh, Bendy!
428
00:15:57,927 --> 00:15:59,987
My girls and I are
forever grateful!
429
00:15:59,990 --> 00:16:02,430
Oh, my God!
430
00:16:02,432 --> 00:16:03,632
Oh, gosh!
431
00:16:05,695 --> 00:16:07,195
Bendy?
432
00:16:07,197 --> 00:16:08,497
Mr. Bender?
433
00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:11,169
Are you...
434
00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:12,241
are you okay?
435
00:16:12,242 --> 00:16:13,472
Are you? Huh?
436
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,983
Oh, God! No! God!
437
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,475
Oh, my God.
Okay, listen, all right?
438
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,377
Um, you just stay here
and I'm gonna go get some help.
439
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:21,910
God, why didn't
you say anything?
440
00:16:23,113 --> 00:16:24,383
Don't go into the light!
441
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:31,119
Mr. Bender!
There you are.
442
00:16:31,121 --> 00:16:32,891
Everyone has been
looking for you,
443
00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:34,922
so let's get you in there.
444
00:16:43,033 --> 00:16:45,813
-What are you doing?
-I brought these!
445
00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:47,505
What are you doing here?
What happened to your game?
446
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:48,977
I left right after
the final buzzer
447
00:16:48,978 --> 00:16:50,738
so I could be here
for my girlfriend.
448
00:16:50,740 --> 00:16:52,040
What are you doing here?
449
00:16:52,042 --> 00:16:53,582
It's called friendship, Danny.
450
00:16:53,583 --> 00:16:55,853
You know what?
Look, I'm sorry.
451
00:16:55,845 --> 00:16:58,085
I'll take my salt
and pepper shakers
452
00:16:58,088 --> 00:17:00,288
and my sugar caddy
and I'll be on my way.
453
00:17:00,290 --> 00:17:01,690
Good idea.
454
00:17:01,691 --> 00:17:03,821
No, no, no. Bad idea.
Ben, sit down.
455
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:05,263
Danny, take my seat, okay?
456
00:17:05,255 --> 00:17:07,025
No one is leaving
until after my moment.
457
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,996
I-- I mean...
458
00:17:08,998 --> 00:17:10,728
(louder)
after Mr. Bender's moment!
459
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:11,900
Okay.
460
00:17:14,104 --> 00:17:16,274
Oh, my God,
there you are.
461
00:17:16,266 --> 00:17:18,366
You had me freaking out.
462
00:17:18,368 --> 00:17:20,908
For a second there,
I actually thought you were...
463
00:17:22,372 --> 00:17:23,472
Yeah, that.
464
00:17:24,774 --> 00:17:26,784
I am gonna knock you dead, sir.
465
00:17:26,776 --> 00:17:29,446
(laughs)
Not gonna be that hard.
466
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:32,649
Um, don't you think you've had
enough to drink, Tucky?
467
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:35,262
No, because I can
still hear you.
468
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:36,285
What's that supposed to mean?
469
00:17:37,287 --> 00:17:39,827
It means the more I drink,
470
00:17:39,829 --> 00:17:41,129
the better you sound.
471
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:46,744
Ahem. Hello. Hi.
Hi, everyone.
472
00:17:46,736 --> 00:17:49,136
If I could please
have your attention.
473
00:17:49,139 --> 00:17:50,769
We are here to celebrate
474
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:53,200
a man so full of life.
475
00:17:53,203 --> 00:17:55,413
His very presence
lights up a room.
476
00:17:55,405 --> 00:17:58,105
Bernard Nathaniel Bender.
477
00:17:58,108 --> 00:17:59,108
(applause)
478
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:04,252
Well, you don't have to
hear this voice again
479
00:18:04,254 --> 00:18:05,824
because you know
who I'm done with?
480
00:18:05,815 --> 00:18:07,555
You!
481
00:18:07,557 --> 00:18:08,687
Oh!
482
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,818
I'm sorry, sir.
Did she get you too?
483
00:18:10,820 --> 00:18:12,890
Oh, excuse me.
484
00:18:12,892 --> 00:18:14,462
Sir?
485
00:18:14,464 --> 00:18:16,574
Holy crap!
This guy's dead!
486
00:18:16,566 --> 00:18:18,096
-(all gasp)
-Oh, my Lord!
487
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,297
He's just died
at this very moment
488
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,300
right now in front of everyone!
489
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:23,572
Stand back! I know CPR!
490
00:18:23,573 --> 00:18:25,143
-Yeah, so do I!
-What's your problem?
491
00:18:25,135 --> 00:18:26,375
This isn't a competition!
492
00:18:26,376 --> 00:18:27,836
Oh, really?
493
00:18:27,837 --> 00:18:29,307
'Cause I'm pretty sure you make
everything a competition!
494
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:31,139
You guys really think
it's a good time for this?
495
00:18:31,141 --> 00:18:32,381
Excuse me, excuse me.
496
00:18:32,382 --> 00:18:35,152
We have a dead guy
at table three!
497
00:18:35,145 --> 00:18:36,715
I already said I was sorry!
498
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:37,816
Sorry for what?
499
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:39,087
Grabbing my girlfriend's boob
500
00:18:39,088 --> 00:18:40,318
or me catching you
in the shower?
501
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,590
Wasn't the first time
for either!
502
00:18:41,591 --> 00:18:43,121
Oh, you're a dead man.
503
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:45,362
No, no, no, no.
This, this is a dead man!
504
00:18:45,355 --> 00:18:47,195
Oh, he's going down!
He's going down, people!
505
00:18:47,197 --> 00:18:49,657
-Can't you just for one second
admit that you're jealous?
-Jealous?
506
00:18:49,659 --> 00:18:52,129
I'm only jealous of people
who don't have you as a brother!
507
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,431
-Oh, it's on!
-It's not--
508
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:54,533
(screams)
509
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:55,674
Riley!
510
00:18:55,665 --> 00:18:57,835
Riley:
Oh, yep, he's definitely dead.
511
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,070
Oh, my God.
512
00:19:03,313 --> 00:19:05,113
Riley killed Mr. Bender.
513
00:19:06,976 --> 00:19:08,276
-Who wants to split a cab?
-I do.
514
00:19:08,278 --> 00:19:09,278
Okay.
515
00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:16,785
Hey.
516
00:19:16,786 --> 00:19:17,886
Hey.
517
00:19:19,289 --> 00:19:20,329
(sighs)
518
00:19:20,330 --> 00:19:21,260
We need to talk.
519
00:19:23,233 --> 00:19:25,373
I really am sorry
about this whole mess.
520
00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:28,895
I was being childish
and immature, and...
521
00:19:28,898 --> 00:19:32,398
I just wanted you to admit
that I had meant something
to Riley.
522
00:19:33,643 --> 00:19:37,183
I wanted just for once
for you to be jealous of me.
523
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,178
Oh, my God.
524
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,979
Don't you get it?
525
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:43,881
I was lying.
526
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,963
Ben, I've watched
the girl of my dreams
527
00:19:45,955 --> 00:19:48,015
be in love with you
for two years.
528
00:19:48,017 --> 00:19:49,757
Every time she held your hand,
529
00:19:49,759 --> 00:19:52,819
every time she kissed you
and not me, it killed me.
530
00:19:53,863 --> 00:19:55,873
I'm tired of feeling jealous.
531
00:19:55,865 --> 00:19:57,195
I just want to get past this.
532
00:19:57,196 --> 00:19:58,996
But I won't let you.
533
00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:07,284
Maybe it's because
I never thanked you.
534
00:20:07,277 --> 00:20:08,337
For what?
535
00:20:08,338 --> 00:20:10,908
For what you did
at mom's wedding.
536
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:13,540
If it wasn't for you,
there would be no Riley and me.
537
00:20:13,543 --> 00:20:16,653
And I know that that was
probably the hardest thing
that you've ever done.
538
00:20:18,248 --> 00:20:19,218
So, thanks, bro.
539
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:21,790
Oh.
540
00:20:21,791 --> 00:20:23,251
So, I'm kind of
the hero in this story?
541
00:20:23,253 --> 00:20:24,453
-I'm good with that.
-Yeah.
542
00:20:24,454 --> 00:20:25,664
(chuckles)
543
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:28,456
Look, Danny...
544
00:20:28,458 --> 00:20:30,158
please trust me when I say
545
00:20:30,159 --> 00:20:32,159
I am truly happy
that you're with Riley now.
546
00:20:34,964 --> 00:20:36,144
How's she doing?
547
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,666
Eh, she'll be fine.
548
00:20:39,709 --> 00:20:41,039
Has she been working out?
549
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,440
Yeah, man. She has.
550
00:20:45,315 --> 00:20:46,475
Don't tell her we did that.
551
00:20:51,281 --> 00:20:54,321
Okay, I've got
a fresh stack of fliers
552
00:20:54,324 --> 00:20:56,434
and the world's
cutest assistant.
553
00:20:56,426 --> 00:20:59,156
Okay, Emma. Can you show me
that dance we practiced?
554
00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:00,788
Come on, show it.
555
00:21:00,790 --> 00:21:02,790
Yes! All right!
556
00:21:02,792 --> 00:21:04,192
All right.
557
00:21:04,193 --> 00:21:06,303
Let's go drum up
some business for grandma!
558
00:21:06,296 --> 00:21:08,196
Come on, sweetie.
559
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,239
Hey. What's going on?
560
00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:12,340
Nothing.
561
00:21:12,342 --> 00:21:14,402
Just getting Emma ready
for Halloween.
562
00:21:14,404 --> 00:21:16,384
-Oh, cute.
-Mm-hmm.
563
00:21:16,376 --> 00:21:17,776
Let's hit Times Square, sweetie.
564
00:21:19,178 --> 00:21:20,278
Wait a minute.
565
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:21,309
(door closes)
566
00:21:21,311 --> 00:21:22,281
Halloween's not for six months.
567
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:24,981
Mom? Mom!
37308
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof