All language subtitles for Poker Face S02E09 ELiTE

So Anne St. Marie.

Address, 386 dupont
street, apartment 6f.

Profession, retired poetry professor.

And Madeline St. Marie.

Address, the same.

Profession, bicycle messenger.

And Madeline is your granddaughter.

And you would like to
initiate adoption proceedings?

So you would like to adopt
your adult granddaughter

so that she's legally your daughter?

That's right.

How long have you lived here?

1972.

Rent control.

Yeah. And the lease stipulates
that it can only be passed on

to a spouse or child?

Otherwise, the rent could be raised

to current market value.

I don't, I don't know. I-I'd have to check.

Well, in that case, I
suppose we should start

on that adoption paperwork.

Three months.

Why does it gotta take three months?

I had to grease a few palms
to get it through that fast.

It usually takes six.

When are you home tonight?

- 6:30.
- Yeah, well,

don't be late for "jeopardy!" Again.

Nana, come on.

Guy got hit by a waffle truck last night.

It's a one-time thing.

Hey, Otto. When are you
going to fix the hallway lights?

When you going to kiss my ass

for living in such a palatial apartment

for a pittance?

You know how much I could
be charging for that place?

Yep. Rent control's a bitch, ain't it?

Well, it takes one to
know one, you old crone.

Go ahead, please.

Well, it's the best one.

- You should have it.
- No. Please, I-I insist.

I have taken the plum
that was at the fruit stand,

which you were probably
eyeing for breakfast.

You are forgiven.

It looks delicious.

So sweet and so cold.

Real asshole, that
William Carlos Williams.

Steal someone's plum and
then write a poem about it?

Yeah. He was the worst.

Big beefhead was one nickname

for this late 19th century president.

Who was grover Cleveland?

Grover Cleveland. Good for a thousand.

- Back to you.
- Off, 1,000.

Kick out the r from a pile of stones

on a hiking trail and wander aimlessly.

Nana, you okay?

What should we watch after this?

"Michael Clayton."

Nana, you always want
to watch "Michael Clayton."

It's the perfect movie.

What is Nova Scotia?

You got it.

Wild lines, 200.

Nana, I'm home early.

Nana?

Nana?

Nana? What the...

What the... Fuck!

Looked at grandma's pussy eyes! God!

Here.

This is my girlfriend, Kate.

Kate forster. Hello.

Sorry.

We really didn't expect you till later.

Yeah, no, careful.

I don't think you should scrub.

I-It's more of a dab.

I think I got it.

Thank you so much, Kate forster.

Okay, well, I'm sensing
a little bit of hostility.

Does it make you uncomfortable

my relationship with your grandmother?

Yeah. It's-it's-it's walking in

on my Nana having sex with a stranger

that makes me a little uncomfortable.

Mitten, I, I understand this is a shock.

I think it just,

I haven't really pictured you

in a romantic context
outside of grandpa, so...

No, I loved your grandpa very much.

It's just, when I was younger,

I, I dated quite a few
people, men and women,

and it's been a joy for me

to reconnect with that part of myself.

Nana, if you're happy, I'm happy.

Really?

Well, you still seem kind of upset.

It's probably from the pepper spray, Kate.

And you know what? Now
that this band aid's been torn off,

I've been waiting for the right moment

to bring this up.

I've asked Kate to move in with us.

It's going to be fun, roomie.

I'm not the guy that you
kill. I'm the guy that you buy.

Are you so fucking blind
you don't even see what I am?

I'm the easiest part of your
whole goddamn problem,

and you're going to kill me?

Don't you know who I am? I'm a fixer.

Shoplifting housewives
to bent congressmen

and you're going to kill me?

Anything wrong, maddy?

No, nothing's wrong.

Just trying to... Watch the movie.

This movie is dumb.

All they do is talk.

I mean, I can't even follow the plot.

They talk in movies.

And it's also because
you're not paying attention.

- I mean...
- girls. Girls!

Please.

It's fine.

It's just a movie.

- One second.
- Everything okay?

You're so fucked.

What?

You're fucked.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes! Yes!

I need you to do something for me.

Maddy.

Delicates day for you as well?

Am I meant to pick up this folder?

Look inside?

What might it contain?

"Jeopardy!" clues?

Your name isn't Kate forster.

It's Amelia peek.

And you're a liar and a felon.

Pieces of paper could never contain

the totality of a human life.

I don't care about
the totality of your life.

I care about your prison record

and the three warrants
you have out for your arrest.

Admit it. You're after my Nana's
incredible rent-controlled apartment.

When I see your Nana,

I see her beauty...

And her wonderful mind

and her endless capacity
for sensual delights.

And quite frankly, it concerns me

that when you look at her,

all you see is a nice, cheap apartment.

Yeah. I ain't buying that shit.

You're an absolute fraud.

You're going to break it off and
you're going to leave town now.

Or?

Or I'm sure the Minnesota
bureau of criminal apprehension

will be very interested to
learn your whereabouts.

Do you think it's wise...

To threaten the person in this packet?

You don't know me or what I've done...

Or what I'm capable of.

Stay away from my Nana.

Wowza.

That spin cycle is really something else.

Get the fuck out of town.

Okay, you win. I'll go.

But can you just give me a
couple days to say goodbye?

I want to let Anne down gently.

You can have one day.

You said you'd do it at 3. It's now 3:05.

Quit stalling.

Alright. Alright.

I just have some laundry in the wash.

Would you mind advancing it for me?

I'm not doing your fucking laundry.

I just need a minute
alone with her, okay?

And then I'll be out
of your hair... forever.

- Hey, Nana?
- Yeah.

I'm just going to pop down
and do some laundry, okay?

- Okay, mittens. Love you.
- I love you too.

What do you think about
putting in a breakfast nook?

Could be nice.

I think this is going to be good for me.

I got a good feeling about this.

New York City? Please explain.

Well, here's my working theory.

Everywhere I go, I get sucked
into other people's bullshit.

Well, but here, the
sheer volume of people,

I mean, just the amount of bullshit.

Well, I suspect it might
work like some kind of a,

I don't know, white noise machine.

And, me, I can just be a person.

Now you're sure I'm
not putting you out, right?

I haven't lived in Brooklyn for years.

I keep it as a tax write-off.

My poor pillows go unrumpled.

Okay, well, I'll be sure to
rumple 'em good for you.

Good morning.

Hi.

Wow.

Hey. Hey, there.

Those getting,

scalloped or mashed or...

You're right. None of my business.

Ours is not to reason
why so many potatoes.

See you.

Ho! Home is where the mustard is.

Who are you? Are you subletting?

Subletting is strictly forbidden.

No, I'm... I'm just

I'm cat sitting for my good buddy.

He has a pet? That is so much worse.

No, no, I said cactus sitting. Cactus.

You didn't let me finish. I...

Yeah, s-so I'm just here
to water his succulents.

So you're not staying here?

Absolutely not.

Fine. But cacti famously
don't require a lot of water.

So I shouldn't see you around here

for at least another 10 days.

Okay, I-I-I will put that on
my calendar, commend a tore.

Geez.

Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Gosh, Abdul, this is really
some place you got here.

I mean, you got smoothies,
chainsaws, cheese

as far as the eye can see.

Snow globes.

Yeah. You think I could get a job here?

I don't know who you are.

I'm Charlie, Charlie
Cale, just lookin' for a job.

Excuse me, sir.

I bought this cantaloupe here earlier,

and it is just completely unacceptable.

That's bullshit.

I'm sorry. Do you want another?

No, what I'd like is to
exchange it for four mangoes.

I think it's perfectly fair.

Also bullshit.

I'm sorry. Can I help you?

Help?

You're fine.

Honestly, your fruit
scams are your business.

Well, maybe it could be our business.

Let me buy you a pasta dinner.

I want to know everything
there is to know about you.

Gosh.

You don't mean that
but, flattered nonetheless.

You got a keen sense of the truth?

You're what I like to
call a eagle-eyed Jim.

An honest Thomas.

And other things, I'm sure.

Lucille lambchop.
Thanks, Abdul. See you.

Alright.

Hey, cactus lady.

Hey!

I'm talking to you.

I still see you.

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

Shit.

God.

Did you shut that door?

Yeah. Sorry. Why?

This place is a death trap.

The landlord doesn't fix a goddamn thing.

Otto, right? Well, that's
the guy I was fleeing.

It turns out I guess he doesn't
really like subletters, so...

Geez, man. Shit.

How do we get out of here?

What are you doing?

I'm a bike messenger,
so prepared for anything.

Packages and stuff.

- Fucking Otto.
- Right.

Fucking Otto.

This is like chernobylicious?

Jesus!

Spin cycle on these things is bananas.

Seems so. Seems so.

Okay. Sorry about that.
Sorry about the door.

You know, I'm new here,
and I don't know protocol.

I don't really know the protocol

because I'm not supposed
to be living here anyway.

- I'm Charlie, by the way.
- Maddy.

Hey, maddy.

So you've been here living here a while?

A couple years. I live with my Nana.

She's been here forever.

Parents kicked me out in high school,

and she took me in.

Do you like "jeopardy!"?

Well, it sure has a way of finding me.

I can't say I like it.

Though there is something invigorating

about confronting your own mortality.

I meant the game show.

Well, yeah. Fuck yeah.

Who is buckminster Fuller?

Buckminster Fuller is the dome guy.

That's correct.

What a life?

It's just like,

honeydew, "jeopardy!."
What more could you want?

Well, we could watch "Michael
Clayton" for the 800th time.

Perfect movie.

I knew I liked you.

Yeah.

Man, Anne, this is, like, some place?

What are you, an oligarch or something?

Retired poetry professor.

I've been in here since
the early '70s though.

And it's rent controlled.

Holy holy grail of apartments.

We're trying to work it so we
can keep the cheap rent forever.

So Nana's going to adopt me.

Wow. No shit?

I can't wait to see the look

on Otto's face when he finds out.

- Yoo-hoo?
- In here.

Sorry I'm late.

- Had to pick the right mango.
- Ooh.

Thank you.

And you are?

Charlie.

New to the building, but don't tell Otto.

Charlie, do you have
your library card yet?

Here we go.

- What?
- Ricardo's a very passionate librarian.

It's not just my job, it's my calling.

If you ever need something
researched, I'm your guy.

Wow. So Ricardo, you're
like a walking, talking epitome

of don't judge a book by its cover?

- Yeah, are they...
- Are they hiring? - Kind of.

Downside is the librarians'
union is so corrupt.

Dude, do you need a job?
You should have asked me.

- I can hook you up.
- - It's going to be alright.

I did see a, a flyer

for a remote work opportunity, so...

Stop sign, person.

Stop sign.

Stop sign, person.

Stop sign.

Stop sign, person.

- Hello.
- Person.

Sorry!

Do you want this coffee?

Do I want this coffee?

It's just a regular black coffee,

and they accidentally made me two

and you just kind of
look sad at your laptop,

dead-eyed, tapping.

Me? No, no, no. I... Hey,
i-I'll have you know that,

well, I am a bonafide captcha technician.

Yeah. You see? So I basically, I decide

what's stop signs and what's not all day.

I mean, it is dirty work,

but, you know, somebody's gotta do it.

Sure.

Not coffee. It's not coffee.

Butterscotch pumpkin mochaccino.

They messed it up.

I am so sorry.

And I said it was black
coffee and I lied. That's awful.

No, no, it's fine.

You're trying to do something
nice and, and you didn't lie.

- They-they-they messed it up.
- I can return it.

It's growing on me.

Well, leave it to me to fuck
up a random act of kindness.

Pay it forward, I guess.

Crosswalk.

Building.

Firetruck.

Crowd.

Everyone, if I could have your attention.

There was an accident
involving toxic chemicals

in the laundry room.

We should all steer clear for a few days.

Hi. Hey. You said we?

Sure. I live here.

Micky, 1g.

Wow. 1g.

Hey, I'm gg.

So I'm right below you.

Who's the tap dancer?

That would be me.

Boy. You're a real John bubbles?

I had a short-lived off-Broadway career,

but now I just do it to
relieve stress sometimes.

Yeah, of course. Do you
ever miss the limelight?

Sometimes. This pays the bills.

I got a wife and kid now.

Could you tell me what happened?

Hey, Micky, need a hand here.

- See ya.
- It's a freak accident, apparently.

Tenant was doing laundry,

spilled some bleach on some descaler,

and the sodium hypochlorite reacted

with the phosphoric acid
and created chlorine gas.

The broken lock meant the
tenant was trapped inside.

Gosh, they died?

- Yes.
- Jesus.

Also, are you a chemist or something?

'Cause that was a very
detailed breakdown.

No, no.

I was an investigative journalist

for "the observer" before I got blackballed

after sucker punching Rex Reed.

- No shit?
- Then I did a stint

as managing editor at
"vague" before retiring.

"Vogue." I mean, that's a big deal.

No, no. "Vague" magazine.
Different publication.

What's that one about?

This and that.

Hey, do you know who the tenant was?

No, but I knew her grandmother, Anne.

She's lived here forever.

Geez.

Shit.

Hello again.

Nice fruit.

To what do I owe the pleasure?

I'm, I'm looking for Anne.

She's in mourning right now.

Yeah, I know. It's... It's awful. I.

I came by to say how sorry I was.

By bringing a pineapple?

I... Yeah, I remember
that Anne likes fruit.

And someone did something nice for me,

told me to pass it on. I...
A pineapple of condolence.

A lovely gesture. She'll be very touched.

Yeah. Sorry. So sorry.

Just, you said you're a friend of Anne's?

We're engaged actually.

- Bullshit.
- Excuse me?

Sorry. Forget it. I...

None of my business.

That's right.

You're a savvy one.

Eagle-eyed Jim.

Well, we're going to be engaged.

Very soon.

You said you, you live here?

But it's nuts, I

I was here a few weeks ago. I thought,

I thought it was just Anne and maddy.

Recent development.

Thanks for the pineapple.

Those must be some thirsty cacti.

Either that or you are a liar.

A dirty, filthy, subletting liar.

You have a lot of nerve, okay?

A woman is dead because of you.

That's baloney.

You refused to fix the lock.

She got stuck, and now her blood is

on your cheapskate hands.

But I did fix the lock.

Wait, that's true. What?

The bleach fell from there

and, well, that must be the descaler,

which I have to say,
that sounds like some sort

of a weird torture device for iguanas.

Chernobylicious.

Hey, that bottle was on that shelf.

I recognize the goo.

The descaler?

I use it on the boiler sometimes.

Okay. So then what's
it doing down here?

Clearly someone moved it.

Otto, I'm going to ask you something,

and I don't want you
to take this personally.

Did you murder maddy?

What? No!

You didn't.

- Why would I kill her?
- I don't know.

Gosh, maybe you were, you
know, mad that they were doing

this whole rent-controlled
adoption scheme

and you wanted to stop it.

They were running a
rent-controlled adoption scheme?

Had I known that, I would've killed her.

Okay. That was not a lie.

So, just so I'm clear,
what you're saying is

that you didn't murder
maddy, but you would've.

Totally.

Your candor is alarming.

Okay.

Look, we both agree this is fishy, right?

I mean, you fix it, and yet it's broken.

Over here, well,

the descaler just flew
over here from nowhere.

And anybody that lives
here knows this laundry room.

I mean, they know that this,
spin cycle is just bonkers.

This isn't the handle I installed.

This is a schlage f50.

I installed a schlage f30.

I never would've sprung
for an upgraded model.

I see.

What you're saying is that

whoever bought this sludge f50,

well, they're the one that set up
this whole rube goldberg of death?

Who cares? It means I'm not liable.

Now feed the cacti and get out.

I see.

Maybe this will bring you some comfort?

This is all I have left of her now.

I can't believe this has happened.

"The art of losing isn't hard to master."

"Though it might look like disaster."

Did maddy have any friends
that worked at the library?

Ricardo in 2b.

Why?

I'm putting together a tribute

and I don't want to leave anybody out.

I'm going to pop out for a few errands.

Do you want anything?

I don't want to stay here anymore.

It's perfectly normal to feel that way.

You've suffered a loss

but just remember, this too shall pass.

Hey, Abdul. How's it going?

I don't know who you are.

Gosh. You're not lying,
but you are a little hurtful.

I am in here a lot

and like to think I
have a memorable mug.

Hey, do you remember,

did anybody buy one of
these doorknobs recently?

Yeah. Schlage f50? Yes, they did.

Great. Who was it?

I have no idea.

I'm sorry.

I have face blindness.

I can remember people's
orders and purchases

but none of their physical characteristics.

Got it.

Well, me, I'm the chopped
cheese with pepperoncinis,

extra provolone, side of vape.

Yes, of course. Welcome back.

It's good to see you.

You're one of my favorites.

That's nice.

So, hey, the person that
purchased this doorknob,

you remember their order?

No, they don't get sandwiches.

But they do buy a lot of fruit.

Does it happen to be
a very sweet old lady

who loves poetry?

This is an intense condition.

So, so you don't know if the person

in question was a 70-year-old woman?

They buy yogurt, nuts, but mostly fruit.

And often they're not
happy with the fruit too.

Try to return it for
multiples of other fruit.

Ricardo, I'm not going
to beat around the bush.

I'm bad news.

But you know that

because I read your little book report.

You've been inside?

Yeah, I've been inside all day,

but I'm about to go out.

Inside, like prison inside.

No.

Then what's with all the tats?

I just love the art of visual storytelling.

Well, the first thing you learn inside

is that anyone can be got to, at any time.

Accidents happen.

Have you ever seen "anatomy of a fall?"

It's a great dog performance.

But people slip and fall.

But without a witness,

it's impossible to know
if it was an accident

or if they were pushed.

Do you understand
what I'm saying, Ricardo?

Are you going to keep your mouth shut?

Okay.

Okay, good.

This is a nice place.

Is that a William eggleston?

Great, Ricardo.

Hey, I wanted to ask
you a couple of questions.

It's about, Anne's new girlfriend.

You know her, right?

No. No, I've never met her.

What?

Bullshit.

Maybe I wasn't clear.

I'm talking about that, you
know, that uptight chick,

the one with the sketchy energy?

You know, I don't like to
judge books by their cover.

And who does? I mean, I don't
judge any books by any covers.

Just, do you know if Katie and maddy

had, like, a beef or something?

- I just...
- I don't know anything

that's bullshit again.

What is going on with you?

Seriously? Are you
mixed up in this somehow?

- No.
- Ricardo, you know that this Katie chick

is, shady as fuck, right?

I mean, she...

Maddy...

Yeah?

Hey. Hey, maddy what?

I mean...

Geez, really? Come on.

Ricardo!

Saved by the bell? Ricardo.

Okay, sheesh.

Shush, I hear a fire alarm. Easy.

- Hey.
- Geez,

feels like I'm working
from home these days.

Yeah. Yeah, I can imagine.

So, hey, Micky, what's
the, procedure here?

We just gotta verify it's a false alarm,

then we'll let everyone back in.

Hey, also, I want to thank you.

After our talk earlier, I
realized I do miss the stage.

I'm going out for an audition next week.

Hey, that's great. I'm
glad I could help, neighbor.

You ever need a favor,
you know where I live.

Or I guess you can call 911.

Yeah. Hey, Micky.

Have you seen, Ricky,
Ricky Ricardo, around?

- No.
- Nah?

Hey, Ricky... I don't know anything.

I don't know shit.
Please stop talking to me!

Okay.

I know what you did.

- What did I do?
- Y-Y-You killed maddy,

then you rigged the laundry room
to make it look like an accident.

And then you, you swapped
out the schleizies, the schlakes,

the schal... schlaze... You
changed the door handles.

Abdul confirmed it.

The face blind store clerk?

It's not what you know, honest Thomas,

it's what you can prove.

I don't think you're going to find

many willing proof providers.

Jesus.

Fuck yeah. This place is so sick.

I'm sorry. Can I help you?

What's your Polly on renos?

I'd like to install an ice plunge

in the dining room so I
can digest at 34 degrees.

- That's my opti-tempy.
- Well, of course.

But I should mention
there is a broker's fee.

Not a big deal. Just 18 months rent.

Do I look fucking poor to you?

I'm sorry. What's going on here?

I'm doing a showing.

So how soon can you move in?

How soon can you kick
miss freckles to the curb?

Anne...

There is a very unpleasant man

traipsing around our living room.

Yeah, I told Otto to list the apartment.

I was gone an hour.

Why would you do that?

I tried to tell you earlier,

I don't want to live here anymore.

You can't decide that unilaterally.

We're supposed to be partners.

It's still my apartment.

Yes, of course.

But we've been talking
about getting married,

and then it will be
become our apartment.

Don't you think I
deserve to be consulted?

Well, we can be married anywhere.

Why does it have to be here?

Let's go see the country.

Anne, come here.

I have seen the country,

and it doesn't get much better

than a sumptuous rent-controlled
New York penthouse

with crown molding and
two goddamn fireplaces.

I'm sorry, but... I cannot stay here.

It hurts too much.

Okay.

Hey, I get it.

But... okay.

Why don't we get married now?

And then hit the road.

I mean, why wait?

Then we could see the
country as a married couple.

I mean, wouldn't that be better?

I don't know.

I appreciate the sentiment, but...

Okay, okay. Well, you know what,
I'm going to go get the paperwork.

Alright? Just wait here.

Hey, Anne, I know this
is going to sound crazy,

but I, I think you might be in jeopardy.

Darling, I got the forms.

Now all we need is a witness.

You again.

Charlie, could Kate and
I have a moment alone?

Yeah, I'll just, go feed the pigeons.

We don't have pigeons.

Yeah, well, not with that attitude.

Darling, what were you two discussing?

Charlie has an interesting theory.

She thinks you're after this apartment

and that you seduced
me under false pretenses

so you can marry me
and then bump me off.

And she thinks that you
concocted this elaborate scheme

to murder my dear
beloved granddaughter

because she was going to expose you.

Do you believe that?

She's a crazy person.

Hey. Hey!

I had nothing to do with maddy's death.

I would do anything to have
her back here with us right now.

But she's gone.

And I know the one thing
that she would've wanted

is for you not to be alone.

I want to provide for
you. I want to marry you.

I'm going to take such good care of you.

We can be happy together... here.

Bu-but Charlie just seems so sure.

She said she was close to finding proof.

Hey, let me handle this.

Why don't you run down to the laundry

and get my clothes out of the dryer

and when you get back,
she'll be gone, okay?

I'm not going to let her
ruin our new lives together.

In this three bedroom, four bath,

two fireplace apartment in
New York for $800 a month.

640.

640.

Wow.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

You're cooked, aren't you?

Well, here's how I figured it out.

First, it was that yellow
goo on the descaler.

I knew I'd seen it before...

- Whoa!
- Well done, Charlie!

- Roll to your right.
- Gosh!

Hey, Micky, thanks for
setting that up for me.

No problem. I told you I owe you one.

You're so fucked.

What?

You're fucked.

Darling, w-who's this?

He's my witness.

Charlie was right about you.

And so was maddy.

You really should have paid
attention during "Michael Clayton."

Gosh, I...

Gosh, I'm, I'm real sorry

about maddy and
Kate too, for that matter.

It really sucks when you find out

someone isn't who
you thought they were.

Gosh, you're really
going to leave this place?

What, to roam the land?

"Down, down, down into
the darkness of the grave,

"gently they go.

"The beautiful, the tender, the kind,

"quietly they go.

"The intelligent, the
witty, the brave," I know,

"but I do not approve.

And I am not resigned."

I've been here too long anyway.

- Thanks.
- - I don't think you get it.

It's a big-ass bed,

but it's a circle, not a rectangle.

Then we'll just tear
out all the wood floors,

replace it with carpet
or something more soft

and a shit ton of taxidermy.

But, like, ironic.

Yeah, boys, this place is gonna fuck.