All language subtitles for dharma_greg_s04e03_playing_the_field

Your responsibility to see that that
person gets a hug.

Hey. Hey, I'm glad you made it.
Everybody, Greg's going to fill in for

until the baby's born. Sorry I'm late.
Oh, it's okay.

Greg, you remember everybody from work?

Marcy from the juice bar? Marcy. Oh.

Dale teaches channeling aggression and
cooking for one.

Min teaches beginner's acupuncture, and
she just finished a two -year

relationship, so she's looking for a
casual sexual thing. Keep your eyes

And Claire, our center fielder, has six
kids. Her oldest is in the Navy.

Well, it was either that or due time.

Just a cry for help, Claire. All we take
after is rat bastard father.

At least he knew his father.

You know, the other team, I think, is
ready to go, so why don't I just... I'll

meet everybody while we play. Okay, good
idea. Let's play some softball,

everybody. Kick some butt.

Some of the gang aren't comfortable with
that kind of aggression.

I just meant that we should, you know,
try our best to win.

We don't win.

What's wrong with that?

Well, it's okay.

Be right.

That's it, honey. Easy out. No batter.
No batter.

Time.

Greg, if she can hear you, she's right
there.

She's a little chatter. Oh, a little
chatter. Hey, nice hat. Looking good.

you been?

That's a chatter. What you're saying is
mean. Okay.

Okay. Two outs. Plays it first.

Hey, batter. Looking good. Nice hat. How
you been?

Thanks. Celia, did you tell Mr.
Montgomery that dinner was at 6 .30?

Montgomery. Did you ask him to repeat it
back to you?

He doesn't like that, Mrs. Montgomery.

Maybe he got lost.

Driving home?

Happens to my dad all the time.

One time he went out for Haagen -Dazs.
We found him two days later on a

Portuguese fishing boat. Made friends he
has to this day.

Well, we'll give him a few more minutes
before we...

run down to the docks.

Um, is there anybody on your team who
wasn't there today who can, I don't

hit or catch or throw?

Not really. Why? No reason. I was just
playing around with some ideas for a

batting order. Now, who was the big bald
guy in the leather vest who came to

pick up Ernie after the game? That was
Lester, but he prefers to be called Miss

Ross.

Probably a long shot.

Oh, this is just ridiculous. Where could
he be?

You know, it's pretty windy out there.
Does he keep a kite in his trunk?

All right, we'll just have dinner
without him. Come along.

Mrs. Darma.

I know where Mr. Montgomery is, but you
mustn't tell anyone.

Okay. He's having a flink.

What's a flink?

A flinke with a woman.

A flinke.

Oh, I know.

I clean his clothes. I empty his
pockets.

A woman does these things.

Have you said anything to Kitty?

No. If Mrs. Montgomery finds out, she'll
kick him out and then I'm alone with

her.

Mrs. Diamond, you must do something
about it. What can I do, Celia?

Remind Mr. Montgomery someone here is
going to get hurt. But don't mention me

name.

I'm sure you're not overreacting. Maybe
there's another explanation.

You made me love you, I didn't want to
do it, I didn't want to... Oh, hi,

You made me love you, and all the time
you knew it, I guess you always knew it.

Oh, he's definitely flinking somebody.

Hi, Marcy. Hey, Greg.

Is Dharma around? Oh, no, she had to run
an errand. I'm sorry.

It's okay.

I should have stopped her. I'm sorry.

Didn't know I was coming. I know.

I'm sorry.

Why don't I just leave these with you?
There's some books I have on baseball

fundamentals that might help the team
if, you know, anybody's interested.

Thank you.

I thought you might get a little more
enjoyment out of the game, you know, if

you got some of the basics down. Oh, we
get a lot of enjoyment out of the game.

I saw.

I don't mean to be critical, Marcy, but
I got to tell you, there's a real thrill

in turning a double play or making a
diving catch to end the inning.

Or, you know, you come to bat down by a
run. It's all up to you. Here comes the

pitch. It looks good. You swing. You
feel the sharp crack of the bat hitting

ball. You charge down the first
baseline.

Is it out of here? You don't know, so
you run like hell. And all you can hear

the pounding of your heart as you round
the bases. Here comes the throw from

center field. You dive headfirst into
home plate.

Safe!

And next thing you know, you're being
held in the air by your teammates, and

once in your life, you're not a social
reject hiding behind some wishy -washy,

everybody's a winner crap.

You're the winner, and they're the
losers, and you love it!

It's all in the books.

Except for the social reject wishy
-washy remark, I'm sorry about that.

No, no, no, we're sorry.

I gotta go.

Oh, no, I'm good.

I'm going to give him a hug.

So, Edward, I guess you're probably
wondering why I see you.

Are you and Greg having problems?

Does he know you started drinking in the
middle of the day?

Cranberry juice.

Well, he can't get too buzzed off about
that, can he?

Edward, someone told me something about
someone that may or may not be true.

All right, give me a minute. I'm good at
these things.

No, I'm going to have to have more.

If it is true, I want that person to
know that I'm there for him or her or

and I won't criticize or judge. On the
other hand, if it isn't true, I'm still

there for them, even though there won't
really be anything for me to be there

for.

Did you know that a martini made with an
onion instead of an olive is a Gibson?

Come on, Edward, you know what I'm
talking about.

If you say so.

But listen, I hate to drink and run,
but... I'm meeting my lady friend.

What? And do me a favor, don't say
anything about it to Kitty. If she finds

she'll put the kibosh on the whole thing
and there'll go all my fun.

Can I trade this in for a Gibson,
please?

Hey, what are you doing on Sunday?

I was poked into playing on Dartmouth's
softball team. We got a big game. I was

hoping I could drag you in as a ringer.

Dartmouth's team? Yeah, I know. I know
what you're thinking. It sounds flaky,

but it's in a real league.

Who are you playing? The defending
champions.

Which would be?

David's Enchanted Garden.

Ooh, David's Enchanted Garden.

It's a flower shop, and they're 9 -1.

Well, I'd really like to help you out,
man, but I got a big touch football game

on Sunday.

We're playing the road company at Kiss
Me Kate.

Hey, guys.

This is a nice surprise.

Yeah, well, I was nearby.

How come?

Well, that's the thing of it. I don't
know if I should tell you. Tell me what?

Okay, the person I was just with told me
something very personal. Now, he or she

didn't specifically say that I shouldn't
tell you. But if I tell you, then the

person that he or she said I shouldn't
talk to about the thing that I want to

talk to him or her about is probably
someone you would feel you would have to

talk to because it affects him or her.
And by him or her, I don't mean he or

she. I mean the other person.

Boy, that's a tough one. Tell me about
it.

So, do you want to tell me or not?

Well, that's the other part of it. It's
possible that the personal thing this

person told me about is none of my
business.

As a matter of fact, it's more your
business than my business, but it's none

my business to decide if something's
your business because it's really their

business.

Whose business?

He or she.

And him or her.

Plus the other one.

I don't know about the other one. And I
don't think you should. Then don't tell

me. Okay, bye.

Thea, man, if Jay and I could
communicate the way you two do, we'd

married.

Jude, I have no idea what she was
talking about.

Yeah, but she didn't throw a pot of hot
beans at you.

Yeah, she's a keeper.

Hello, Dharma. Is this a bad time?

Not yet. What's up?

Dharma, there's something I need to talk
to you about.

Oh, gee, wish I could, Kitty, but I
gotta get over to the field and help

warm up the sheep.

I beg your pardon?

Our softball team, Greg, thought we
should have a cool name like the

the Hawks, and there's a series of
compromises, and anyway, we're the

Sit down, Dom.

Okay.

I asked Edward where he was the other
night, and he insists that he was with

you. Yeah, he was. We had drinks.

Uh -huh.

He said it was dinner.

He was out quite late.

Well... It started out as drinks, and
then I said, I'm getting a little

and he said he was too, so we asked for
a table, and there was one, and we sat

down at it, and they brought us menus,
and we chose something different to eat,

and then they brought them, and they
were very tasty, hot at first, so we had

let it cool down, and then we ate it,
and then we said, oh, it's getting a

little late, and he agreed, and then I
said, see you later, alligator, and he

said, in a while, crocodile, and then we
made like a tree and leaved.

So he is seeing another woman. Oh, yeah.

Well, I'm not surprised.

Edward the Berry.

Handsome, powerful man, this sort of
thing was bound to happen eventually.

Are you saying you're okay with this?

Oh, darling, these sort of dalliances
are fleeting, and frankly, I need some

free time to myself. I'm redoing the
upstairs.

Wow.

I was cheated on once, and it made me
feel like my whole world was crashing in

on me.

And it wasn't even that serious of a
relationship, because I knew he was

to leave eventually when Cirque du
Soleil went to Seattle.

Well, my world is certainly not
collapsing. Well, that's amazing,

a wreck.

This was only a two -month thing. You
and Edward have been together for 30

years.

33 years.

33 years.

I don't understand why.

I mean, we have a problem, but we've
been getting along so well lately.

I've stood behind him in the good times,
in the bad times.

I bore him a son. You bore him a son.

I tolerated a horrible mother -in -law.
Do you have any idea what that's like?

I can imagine it.

Oh, well.

Well, done it, done it.

Time to move up.

So what are you going to do?

I'm going to take him for everything
he's worth.

I have all the assets put in my name.
He's going to pay for this. Whoa, kitty,

kitty, kitty. Slow down.

Don't you think you should go to Edward
and let him know how you feel?

You're right.

I should let him know how I feel.

Whoa, hey.

Give me the bat.

Don't worry. I have enough money to get
away with one murder.

Fine.

I'll just run him over with the car.

Take a poke at it.

Strike two.

I'm sorry.

Time.

Listen to me. Here's what I want you to
do. The next time that ball comes, I

want you to focus all the anger you have
deep inside on that ball. Oh, my.

That ball is everyone who ever put you
down, everyone who ever ignored you or

called you a name, every boy who didn't
ask you out in high school. I was on the

prom committee, and I didn't even get to
go. Yeah, use that. Get mad.

Oh, the scene was under the scene.

And you were really angry at these
people, right? No, no, no. It wasn't

fault. It was my fault. I was very shy.

I'm going to need another minute.

So this is where she lives. An
apartment.

I should have known.

Too bad you didn't, because then we
wouldn't have had to make Celia cry the

we did.

Oh, please, that wasn't real crying.
Trust me, I've made her cry.

Come on. What exactly are you hoping to
accomplish here?

I want to make Edward rue the day that
he was born, to regret each and every

godforsaken moment he has spent on this
planet, and to pray for the swift

release of death.

I guess we better feed the meter, then.

Hey, Greg.

Oh, Larry.

Thanks for coming.

I need all the help I can get. I'm here
to play.

Honey, are you wearing your cup?

I don't have to wear a cup.

Oh, Larry, you promised.

No one else is wearing one.

I don't believe that. Greg, are you
doing anything to protect your genital?

Try to be careful.

Susan, Larry's going to bat for you.

Why? Well, he's our ringer.

What do you know about baseball?

Are you kidding me? I grew up in New
York. I lived and breathed baseball when

was a kid.

stickball on the street, Sandlot, Little
League.

And when school was out, my old man
would take me to Ebbets Field to see the

Brooklyn Dodgers, Jackie Robinson, Pee
Wee Reese, Duke Snyder.

Then when the Dodgers left for Los
Angeles, I was crushed.

I was betrayed.

And I swore I would never have anything
else to do with baseball for the rest of

my life.

Come on, Abby. We're out of here.

find the two of them in bed together.
Remember, you just get the one murder.

This is it. Wait.

Are you sure you want to see what's on
the other side of that door? Because

you open it, there's no turning back.

I need to know.

B -5.

Edward?

Kitty.

It's not what you think.

Hold on, Kitty. I think that did it for
me. Eye 16, bingo!

You're on fire, Eddie.

Thanks. Cash this in for me, will you?

If I have a choice, I want the little
radio.

Is that your lady friend?

Yep. That's Ruby.

But I don't understand. What are you
doing here?

Oh, who knows how these things start,
Kitty.

It was raining one day, I ducked under
an awning, and there was Ruby.

We get to talking about life and how
much we both like soup.

And then she mentions that she just lost
her bridge partner. And next thing you

know, it's Canasta on Tuesday, Bingo on
Sunday, and once a month we have Monte

Carlo night.

Oh, for heaven's sakes, Edward, if you
want to sit and play card games with

boring old people, we have a country
club full of them.

Well, I kind of prefer it here.

Everybody's very quiet and nice, and
they have sponge cakes.

Please, let go. Oh, Kitty, that's not
the answer.

If this is something Edward enjoys,
don't you think you should share it with

him? Oh, no, Dharma, that's not
necessary.

Eddie, they don't have the radio. Do you
want the salt shakers or the travel

toiletry kit?

Let's have a look, hon.

You see, Kitty, if you drag him away
from here, he's just going to go looking

for what he needs someplace else. And
maybe it won't be Bingo with Ruby. Maybe

it'll be Mahjong with Sylvia. Or some
dark church basement quilting with

Mildred.

And you'll be the one to put the needle
in his hand.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

Is it?

Oh, all right.

Edward, if you have some...

inexplicable passion for the inane, I
should be able to sit beside you and

endure it.

There's the kibosh.

Sorry I'm late.

Well, you did.

You'll find out.

What'd I miss?

Two and a half hours of misery.

Oh, what's up with you guys? What
happened to that sheep's spirit?

I'll tell you what happened. We were
getting our butts handed to us in a

sack.

handed to us in a paper sack.

Yeah, but thanks to Toddy Hussle here,
now we feel bad about it.

Come on, sheep, it's only 38 to nothing.
There's still a lot of baseball left to

play. Right, Greg?

Not really, Marcy.

I'm so sorry.

Honey, you want to go in there and get
the last out for us and then come back

and help the gang burn me an effigy?

I'd be honored.

Okay, let's hear a little chatter.

Ah, bite me.

It's enough chatting.

We don't care.

V12.

I was thinking of doing one of the
upstairs guest rooms in early American.

Oh, not that colonial reproduction
nonsense, but vintage.

Oh, it'll be a lot of weekends at the
auctions, but it'll be worth it in the

end.

Oh, 71.

Attention, Edward, you have 070.

I don't know why you bother playing the
game if you're not going to pay

attention.

Anyway.