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Oh, Katie, my parents wanted me to thank
you again for inviting them to your
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garden party last weekend.
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It was lovely to have them.
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My dad's real sorry about what happened.
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I understand.
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00:00:11,340 --> 00:00:14,500
I feel terrible about breaking the head
off that little lawn statue.
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Donna, I don't think we need to talk
about that anymore.
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Yeah, I just want to make sure they
understand that the only reason he
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over the statue was because he was
trying to get to the garden hose to put
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the gazebo that he accidentally set on
fire.
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Too bad he didn't make it.
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Yes.
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Yeah, well, he swears that's the last
time he'll wear a cape to a barbecue.
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Well, I just think that's good news all
around.
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00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:42,060
So, Mother, what else is new?
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Did I tell you Stephanie Northrup called
looking for you? Really?
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I haven't thought of her in years.
18
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Who's Stephanie Northrup?
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Old girlfriend.
20
00:00:51,780 --> 00:00:53,560
Oh, she's the one your mother didn't
like.
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The one your mother didn't like?
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00:00:56,810 --> 00:00:59,330
She was very opinionated and she dressed
like an anchorwoman.
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Although, looking back, I think I may
have rushed to judgment.
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You gonna call her?
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Oh, I don't know. It's a little awkward.
Did you tell her that I'm married?
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I don't recall. I've been distracted
lately by the charred and smoldering
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in my backyard.
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You should call her.
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Well, maybe.
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Greg, just because you had sex with this
woman doesn't mean that you can't be
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friends with her now.
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If I couldn't be friends with all the
guys I had sex with... Boy, I can't
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believe that we burned down that gazebo.
How bad was that, huh?
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So, when are you going to call
Stephanie?
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Oh, I don't know. We'll get around to
it.
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Don't you drink what you want?
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Oh, not really.
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Oh, come on, Greg.
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You know what this is.
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She broke up with someone going through
her book. Ah, your name.
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It's a booty call.
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Greg's got a booty call.
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Look, if you're so curious, why don't
you just call her?
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Oh, God.
45
00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:14,840
Hello?
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Hi, Stephanie.
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Greg Montgomery.
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Good, good. And you?
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What's up?
50
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I want some booty.
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00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:26,480
A favor? Sure. What kind of favor? A
booty favor.
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Well, sure. I'd be happy to do that.
When do you need it by? I need it now
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need it back.
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00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:36,940
Could you hold on a second?
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She wants to send her son to the same
prep school I went to and she needs a
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letter of recommendation.
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That's where I come from. We call that
booty.
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That's my wife.
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Why don't you send me the form and I'll
fill it out? With my booty.
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00:02:53,290 --> 00:02:58,410
Okay, well, if you're in a hurry, why
don't you bring it by? And drop it in my
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booty.
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Tomorrow would be fine. Let me give you
my address.
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Well, booty lane meets booty boulevard.
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Great.
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00:03:11,610 --> 00:03:12,610
We'll see you tomorrow.
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Hey. We are going to meet someone very
special tomorrow.
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Who? His name is Greg, and he's an old
friend of Mommy's, and I think you'll
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like him. He's handsome and smart, just
like you.
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00:03:32,150 --> 00:03:36,290
Something bothering you?
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I don't know.
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I thought maybe I was going to get my
first booty call.
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You never had a booty call? I never had
a booty call.
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00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,140
Where's your cell phone? On the coffee
table.
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Okay. Wait here.
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Now, Jeremy's seven.
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It's got to be eight years ago.
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00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:05,560
Look at them. They're like two peas in a
pod. If peas collected stamps.
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00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:07,960
Whoa, what's that?
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00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:12,740
That is the 100th anniversary of the
cotton gin first day of issue.
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00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:14,240
Sweet.
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00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:18,640
So you're ready to add a little boy to
your family?
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Excuse me?
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00:05:19,860 --> 00:05:21,500
Greg shouldn't have brought out those
stamps.
84
00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:23,480
Jeremy's never going to want to go home
now.
85
00:05:28,330 --> 00:05:31,810
And he is so organized. If I touch any
of his things, I just never hear the end
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of it. Yeah, I know how that is.
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00:05:34,170 --> 00:05:38,130
And these are my NASA commemoratives.
Mercury, Gemini, Apollo.
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00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,170
What's Charles Wember doing there?
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00:05:40,390 --> 00:05:43,070
Oh, geez, Dharma, have you been playing
with my stamps?
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00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:44,930
Every chance I get.
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00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,240
Montgomery's allergic to macadamia nuts
just like me.
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00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:01,600
Wow.
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00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:05,840
Now that is a handsome kid, huh?
94
00:06:06,340 --> 00:06:07,540
Yeah, he's a doll.
95
00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:11,640
Did Stephanie say anything to you about
his father? No, but I got the feeling
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00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:14,380
that it didn't work out well, so I
didn't want to bring it up.
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Probably smart.
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00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,900
Wouldn't it be great if we had a kid
like that someday?
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00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:21,300
Hmm.
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00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:22,700
Odds are we will.
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00:06:24,380 --> 00:06:25,960
So how come you and Stephanie broke up?
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00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:29,840
Oh, I don't know. She was a lot more
serious than me.
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In what way?
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Well, for one thing, she really wanted
to have kids, and I wasn't ready.
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And this was eight years ago?
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Sounds about right.
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00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:39,940
Huh.
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Oh, jeez.
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Earth to Greg.
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Yes?
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Spoons.
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00:07:09,580 --> 00:07:12,420
He felt bad about the gazebo, so he's
building us a new one.
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Oh, really?
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Oh, well, I suppose that's all right.
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00:07:16,980 --> 00:07:18,660
How long is it going to take him?
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Could be a while. He asked me if I had a
book on how to build a gazebo.
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I will never understand why Abby puts up
with that man.
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Maybe because he has a hell of a Johnson
on him.
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00:07:58,730 --> 00:08:01,310
I just want you to know that I'm not
going to say another word about the
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possibility of Jeremy being your son.
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00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:04,450
Thank you.
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00:08:04,970 --> 00:08:09,470
You're welcome. I would, however, like
to show you a picture of yourself in
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second grade. Whoosh!
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00:08:12,070 --> 00:08:16,850
Fine, fine. He does look a lot like me,
and so does the guy at Home Depot. Is he
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my kid, too?
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00:08:18,110 --> 00:08:21,010
Maybe. Were you having sex with his
mother at the time that he was
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00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:22,510
Because that's how it happens, Craig.
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00:08:22,810 --> 00:08:25,150
Fine, fine. Let's just assume you're
right.
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00:08:25,370 --> 00:08:26,370
Whoosh! Stop, stop.
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00:08:28,940 --> 00:08:31,660
Explain why Stephanie never contacted
me.
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Until yesterday.
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Then why didn't she say anything?
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00:08:35,860 --> 00:08:37,000
Guys, that's hard, Greg.
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00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:40,659
You don't just show up in someone's life
after eight years and go, here's your
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kid.
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No, I guess not.
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00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:48,000
Isn't it possible that maybe she's
introducing him into your life and
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tell you in her own time?
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I suppose that's possible.
140
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:52,960
There's nothing to be scared of, honey.
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If Jeremy is your son, I'm totally okay
with this.
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Really? Of course.
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00:09:00,830 --> 00:09:02,470
Let me see the picture again.
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00:09:04,370 --> 00:09:05,370
Whoosh!
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00:09:06,510 --> 00:09:07,650
Okay, how about this?
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00:09:08,170 --> 00:09:12,270
What if Stephanie was so hung up on me
when we broke up that she immediately
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involved with someone who looked just
like me and they had a kid?
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Greg, listen to yourself.
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Yeah, you're right.
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I might have a son.
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I don't know if I'm ready for this.
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You're not alone, honey. We're a team.
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We'll do this together.
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Thank you.
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00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:40,560
Like,
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for instance, I could be the one to tell
Kitty she's a grandma. That'd be a big
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help.
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00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,340
Well, how's the gazebo coming?
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Oh, I have no idea.
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I wasn't looking.
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Looks like he's doing a pretty good job.
162
00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:05,120
Uh, Edward, I was curious about your
earlier comment.
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00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:06,279
What comment?
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00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:11,140
About Larry and his, um, his, uh... His
tallywhacker?
165
00:10:13,220 --> 00:10:15,540
Yes. How do you know?
166
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:19,400
Well, he went golfing with us that one
time, and we took a steam.
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00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:21,500
His people call it a schwitz.
168
00:10:21,740 --> 00:10:23,420
Aha. Isn't that colorful?
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00:10:23,660 --> 00:10:25,560
And you saw his schwitz?
170
00:10:27,420 --> 00:10:31,820
No, a schvitz is a steam. The word
you're looking for is... Hi, guys.
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00:10:32,540 --> 00:10:33,540
What do you think?
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00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,840
Starting to come along, huh? I wouldn't
know. I wasn't looking.
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00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:41,500
Man, it's like a schvitz out there.
174
00:10:43,260 --> 00:10:44,760
Mind if I take a dip in your pool?
175
00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:48,620
I don't see why not. I'll see if I've
got some trunks that'll fit you.
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00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,640
Thanks, Ed. That's mighty big of you.
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00:10:57,550 --> 00:10:59,190
myself a sandwich? Oh, certainly. Help
yourself.
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00:11:01,230 --> 00:11:02,230
Wow.
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00:11:02,550 --> 00:11:04,050
I hope I have enough meat for this.
180
00:11:07,310 --> 00:11:08,310
I'm joking.
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00:11:08,410 --> 00:11:09,890
Look at the size of this salami.
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00:11:27,370 --> 00:11:28,069
Good school.
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00:11:28,070 --> 00:11:30,310
Is this the school you went to? Yep.
Brookside Academy.
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00:11:33,030 --> 00:11:34,030
Oh, God.
185
00:11:34,370 --> 00:11:35,370
What's wrong?
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00:11:35,470 --> 00:11:36,470
This is so sad.
187
00:11:36,870 --> 00:11:38,110
What? Look.
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00:11:38,450 --> 00:11:41,690
These little boys have to wear uniforms
like they're in some kind of miniature
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00:11:41,690 --> 00:11:42,690
army.
190
00:11:44,110 --> 00:11:46,570
Uniforms? Those are nice blue blazers.
Oh.
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00:11:58,860 --> 00:12:01,580
It's a dining hall. It was designed by
Frank Lloyd Wright.
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00:12:03,460 --> 00:12:08,380
And what kind of school makes little
kids fight each other for sports? That's
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00:12:08,380 --> 00:12:09,920
Greco -Roman wrestling. It's gym.
194
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:11,440
This is gym?
195
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:15,640
Where's the skipping and noodle tag?
And, hey, I bet I can fit in there.
196
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:21,500
Okay, well, maybe it's not as loosey
-goosey as being home school. And loosey
197
00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:23,600
-goosey? Did you play loosey -goosey?
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00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,600
But, Starma, trust me, this is the best
college prep on the West Coast.
199
00:12:29,070 --> 00:12:30,070
for a minute.
200
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:32,410
Did you have any fun while you were
there?
201
00:12:33,150 --> 00:12:34,870
School? It's not supposed to be fun.
202
00:12:36,850 --> 00:12:40,170
And you really want to send your son to
this joyless place?
203
00:12:42,510 --> 00:12:43,510
Yeah.
204
00:12:43,990 --> 00:12:48,130
I mean, maybe it's a little regimented.
205
00:12:48,370 --> 00:12:52,350
Greg, you don't have to sit on a hard
chair in a wool blazer to get an
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00:12:52,350 --> 00:12:56,230
education. I mean, I learned about
American history by living on an Indian
207
00:12:56,230 --> 00:13:00,960
reservation. I climbed trees to learn
about bugs. and birds and gravity and
208
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:01,960
first aid.
209
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:04,660
The school offers everything.
210
00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:06,880
Look, look, a first -class language lab.
211
00:13:07,860 --> 00:13:10,880
You'll learn it quicker when your
parents just drop you off in Chinatown.
212
00:13:10,900 --> 00:13:11,759
come on.
213
00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:16,540
Would you rather learn about
thermodynamics from a book or by going
214
00:13:16,540 --> 00:13:18,840
-air balloon trip with your folks to
Mexico?
215
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:21,200
That's how you learned about
thermodynamics?
216
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:22,419
And geography.
217
00:13:22,420 --> 00:13:24,260
And wind currents. We were shooting for
Canada.
218
00:13:27,210 --> 00:13:31,030
I'm not saying that Jeremy should be
homeschooled, but wouldn't you want him
219
00:13:31,030 --> 00:13:32,510
be in a more nurturing environment?
220
00:13:35,530 --> 00:13:40,530
What are they doing here, learning how
to beat each other with sticks? That's
221
00:13:40,530 --> 00:13:41,890
lacrosse. It's a game.
222
00:13:42,510 --> 00:13:44,190
Listen to you. It's a game.
223
00:13:47,850 --> 00:13:49,110
Okay, we'll see you at three.
224
00:13:50,190 --> 00:13:51,250
Hey, good news.
225
00:13:51,490 --> 00:13:53,310
Your dad's going to fly down for your
interview tomorrow.
226
00:13:53,670 --> 00:13:54,930
Dad? Yeah. Cool.
227
00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:06,360
I hope this isn't a bad time. No, no,
come on in. I just got to make a quick
228
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,000
call to my office and I'll be right with
you.
229
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:11,320
Jeremy, look who's here. Hey, Mr.
Montgomery.
230
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:12,720
Hey, Jeremy.
231
00:14:12,740 --> 00:14:13,740
What are you listening to?
232
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:14,940
I'm learning French.
233
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:15,759
Oh, great.
234
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:17,160
I studied French.
235
00:14:17,380 --> 00:14:18,359
Très bien.
236
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,960
Maman, je ne parle pas français pour l
'école.
237
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:24,480
Your mom said... What?
238
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:27,060
That I need this for school.
239
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:28,420
Oh, you might.
240
00:14:29,540 --> 00:14:30,540
Is it fun?
241
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,580
I don't think it's supposed to be fun.
242
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:38,660
even think french people like it you
know jeremy i went to the school that
243
00:14:38,660 --> 00:14:44,020
might be going to and i gotta tell you
it's not a lot of fun either really no
244
00:14:44,020 --> 00:14:48,760
if you want maybe i can talk to your mom
about some other schools jeremy why
245
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:52,900
don't you go finish your homework mom mr
montgomery said that i heard what he
246
00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:58,540
said go finish your homework okay what
are you doing well
247
00:14:59,300 --> 00:15:02,880
I've been thinking about it, and I'm
just not sure that Brookside is the best
248
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:03,880
place for Jeremy.
249
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:08,040
What? Well, I think we should consider
all the options before we make a
250
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:09,800
that's going to affect him for the rest
of his life.
251
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:12,240
We should consider the options?
252
00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:14,040
Yeah.
253
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:18,300
I haven't seen you in eight years. I
call you for a letter of recommendation,
254
00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:20,780
and all of a sudden you want to
participate in Jeremy's upbringing?
255
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:23,260
I'm just trying to be a part of the
boy's life.
256
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,940
I don't recall asking you to be a part
of his life.
257
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,120
You will, in your own time.
258
00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:32,860
You know what, Greg?
259
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:36,300
I think that you should just leave now.
260
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,720
Okay. Well, that's your prerogative.
261
00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:40,940
Yes, it is.
262
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:47,120
You know, my mother made me study French
when I was little, and now I can't even
263
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:48,120
order soup.
264
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:50,300
Je voudrais de la soupe.
265
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:04,230
Hello.
266
00:16:06,950 --> 00:16:08,790
It's not too big, is it? What?
267
00:16:10,030 --> 00:16:11,030
The gazebo?
268
00:16:11,170 --> 00:16:12,450
Oh, the gazebo, yeah.
269
00:16:13,070 --> 00:16:14,070
No.
270
00:16:14,810 --> 00:16:18,410
Listen, I'm sorry to bother you, but
Larry forgot to take his herbs this
271
00:16:18,410 --> 00:16:19,650
morning, so I brought them by.
272
00:16:19,910 --> 00:16:21,490
Hey. How's it hanging?
273
00:16:22,050 --> 00:16:23,050
Hey, baby.
274
00:16:23,870 --> 00:16:25,070
Hi. Whoa.
275
00:16:25,490 --> 00:16:27,810
Be careful. You could hurt somebody with
that.
276
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:34,760
the gazebo coming. Pretty good.
277
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:36,520
I think I got too much wood, though.
278
00:16:38,220 --> 00:16:40,320
We can always use that at home.
279
00:16:40,660 --> 00:16:42,640
Unless Kitty wants it. No, no.
280
00:16:45,220 --> 00:16:48,420
Okay, well, uh, back to the grind. Okay.
281
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,400
Don't forget your herb. I won't. See you
later.
282
00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:57,100
Abby? Yeah? Um, could I ask you a
personal question?
283
00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:01,810
Sure. I, uh, was, uh, what? Oh, never
mind. It's not important.
284
00:17:02,170 --> 00:17:03,630
It's about Larry's penis.
285
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:10,150
Oh, no. I saw you looking at it. Would
you like to see it? Because he's not
286
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,130
Larry! Larry!
287
00:17:12,369 --> 00:17:14,329
Would you come back here for a minute?
288
00:17:15,490 --> 00:17:16,490
Hey, what's up?
289
00:17:16,670 --> 00:17:19,210
Nothing. Just teaching Kitty some
manners.
290
00:17:19,589 --> 00:17:23,569
While you're at it, maybe you can get
her to stop staring at my penis.
291
00:17:29,260 --> 00:17:30,260
My tie straight?
292
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:31,480
Yes, honey, you look great.
293
00:17:32,180 --> 00:17:34,580
Huh? My tie straight? It's fine.
294
00:17:39,860 --> 00:17:40,860
Hi.
295
00:17:40,940 --> 00:17:41,940
What are you doing here?
296
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:46,060
Well, I feel badly about how we left
things the other night, and I never got
297
00:17:46,060 --> 00:17:47,780
give you the recommendation, so here.
298
00:17:49,340 --> 00:17:50,340
Thank you.
299
00:17:50,740 --> 00:17:51,740
Stephanie?
300
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,360
I just want you to know that if you
change your mind and decide that you
301
00:17:56,360 --> 00:17:59,940
Greg to be part of Jeremy's life, that I
support that and I'm completely
302
00:17:59,940 --> 00:18:00,940
comfortable with it.
303
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:04,540
Jeremy, I'll be right back.
304
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,960
Listen, I don't know what you two are up
to, and frankly, I don't care. I'm
305
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:11,960
sorry I ever called you.
306
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,340
You know, Stephanie, I do have some
rights here.
307
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:18,780
And to tell you the truth, I think
you're handling this rather poorly.
308
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:20,520
Oh, really?
309
00:18:20,580 --> 00:18:22,680
You want to know what I think? I think
you're both nuts.
310
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:26,160
Hey! now. We have been very patient with
you.
311
00:18:26,860 --> 00:18:28,000
Hey, Jim.
312
00:18:28,980 --> 00:18:31,540
Sorry I'm late. Am I tie straight?
313
00:18:31,740 --> 00:18:32,820
You look great, Dad.
314
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:36,360
Who?
315
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,560
My ex -husband, Jeremy's father.
316
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:40,160
Oh.
317
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:44,100
Gotta go.
318
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:45,540
Good luck with everything.
319
00:18:47,310 --> 00:18:49,810
here at the dining hall was designed by
Frank Lloyd Wright. It's beautiful. Bye.
320
00:18:50,270 --> 00:18:53,830
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry,
321
00:18:53,830 --> 00:18:54,830
sorry.
322
00:18:56,930 --> 00:18:58,570
Where's your cell phone? In my
briefcase.
323
00:18:58,890 --> 00:19:00,410
Okay. You wait here.
324
00:19:09,470 --> 00:19:10,470
Uh -oh.
325
00:19:10,890 --> 00:19:12,510
This is booty central.
326
00:19:12,930 --> 00:19:16,390
Press one if your booty is hot. Press
two if you want hot.
327
00:19:22,510 --> 00:19:23,510
Stop pushing the button.
25161
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