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1
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My precious doubloons.
2
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Come back here, wench. Come on.
3
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Are you okay?
4
00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:15,640
I stubbed my toe. I'm going to take the
eye patch off.
5
00:00:15,860 --> 00:00:16,860
Oh, Greg.
6
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:20,480
Then you're just a naked guy with a
stuffed parrot on his shoulder.
7
00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:24,100
Right, all right. I'll put it back on.
But you have to slow down.
8
00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:29,100
Okay, but promise on your honor there'll
be no monkey business.
9
00:00:29,940 --> 00:00:31,080
Aye, I swear.
10
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:42,200
you've got there.
11
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Could you drag us to this third world
Petri dish?
12
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Be patient. It grows on you. Oh, I'll
bet it does.
13
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Couldn't we at least find a clean table?
14
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Not here.
15
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Dama, I think I saw a Board of Health
notice out front.
16
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You probably did.
17
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Dama, I cannot possibly stay here.
18
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Hang on.
19
00:01:41,380 --> 00:01:42,720
Hang on for what?
20
00:01:43,060 --> 00:01:44,240
Hey, good afternoon, ladies.
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I'm sure they are.
22
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:56,760
Get back, Loretta.
23
00:01:57,860 --> 00:01:58,860
Stop it.
24
00:01:59,260 --> 00:02:00,440
Still want to leave?
25
00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:02,380
Well, we're here.
26
00:02:04,780 --> 00:02:08,520
Oh, this is bad karma. I'm going to get
pinched in Italy.
27
00:02:10,199 --> 00:02:15,120
I must say, I do think it is a bit
inappropriate for a group of married
28
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:16,520
be ogling and, uh...
29
00:02:17,510 --> 00:02:19,270
admittedly magnificent young man.
30
00:02:21,910 --> 00:02:26,650
Kitty, I love Greg, and there will never
be anyone else for me. But if I'm not
31
00:02:26,650 --> 00:02:31,150
free to appreciate a handsome man, then
I'm not free to appreciate a beautiful
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00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:33,270
sunset or a magnificent painting.
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Or that ass.
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Or those arms.
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Or those smoky eyes that seem to burn
into the depths of your soul as if they
36
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knew exactly what you had been missing
all these years.
37
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:50,870
the ugly truth.
38
00:02:51,590 --> 00:02:54,870
Kitty, is there something you'd like to
share with us? Yeah, aren't you getting
39
00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:56,570
everything from Edward you need in the
bedroom?
40
00:02:57,330 --> 00:03:00,230
Isn't that a rather personal question,
Dharma? Oh, yes.
41
00:03:00,970 --> 00:03:07,850
Well, you might say that after a certain
time, the dance does become
42
00:03:07,850 --> 00:03:11,770
routine and one can do the steps in
one's sleep.
43
00:03:12,830 --> 00:03:14,630
And to be frank, occasionally one does.
44
00:03:16,110 --> 00:03:19,200
You know, if you're looking for a way to
spice things up, maybe... Maybe I can
45
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,200
help you out.
46
00:03:23,020 --> 00:03:28,800
Kitty. I keep a very detailed journal of
everything Greg and I do in the sack,
47
00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:30,220
and I'd be happy to lend it to you.
48
00:03:32,060 --> 00:03:35,920
Well, I am right in the middle of
Angela's ashes, but as soon as I finish
49
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,320
it will be my next read.
50
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,800
You do know that by souvlaki I meant
Greek waiter butt.
51
00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:03,900
I know, I just can't.
52
00:04:04,780 --> 00:04:05,780
What's wrong?
53
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:07,580
I'm going through my sex journal.
54
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:11,120
For kidding, crossing out things that
might kill Edward.
55
00:04:14,620 --> 00:04:16,339
When I started to notice something.
56
00:04:16,820 --> 00:04:22,400
On the 11th of every month, Greg
surprises me in the shower and we have
57
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:23,480
wonderful sex.
58
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,000
Yeah, so?
59
00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:28,680
Okay, check this out. And this was not
easy to figure out.
60
00:04:29,230 --> 00:04:33,750
We have fun with food sex every time
there's a space shuttle launch.
61
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:40,510
Maple syrup, whipped cream, loaf of
bread. What did he do with a loaf of
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00:04:40,690 --> 00:04:41,690
Dharma sandwich.
63
00:04:42,150 --> 00:04:44,490
Don't you see, Jane? There's a pattern
here.
64
00:04:44,770 --> 00:04:45,770
Wait a minute.
65
00:04:45,870 --> 00:04:49,630
Everything you guys do is planned out
months in advance. I don't plan out sex.
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00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:50,690
I'm a free -range chicken.
67
00:04:52,070 --> 00:04:55,070
McGreg. Are you going to say something
to him?
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00:04:56,270 --> 00:04:58,670
I can't say anything until I'm
absolutely sure.
69
00:04:59,250 --> 00:05:00,370
How are you going to find out?
70
00:05:03,110 --> 00:05:04,190
Hi, it's Jane.
71
00:05:05,610 --> 00:05:06,610
Bye.
72
00:06:40,270 --> 00:06:41,710
Is that fun for you?
73
00:06:42,530 --> 00:06:43,530
Oh, yeah.
74
00:06:43,790 --> 00:06:45,570
You shivered me timbers.
75
00:06:46,610 --> 00:06:49,210
Are you sure? Because you seem like you
weren't really into it.
76
00:06:50,430 --> 00:06:53,630
No, no, no. I always loved Pirate Night.
Because I can drop the whole very
77
00:06:53,630 --> 00:06:55,770
treasure. No, that's my favorite part.
78
00:06:57,070 --> 00:06:58,070
Okay.
79
00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:02,310
The ex could mark a different spot from
time to time.
80
00:07:15,690 --> 00:07:16,710
life is in crisis.
81
00:07:17,290 --> 00:07:19,150
I understand why you're so upset.
82
00:07:19,470 --> 00:07:20,530
Nothing's really changed.
83
00:07:20,870 --> 00:07:21,870
Are you kidding?
84
00:07:22,550 --> 00:07:26,090
How would you feel if you were 99 % sure
you were going to have sex on the beach
85
00:07:26,090 --> 00:07:27,090
tonight?
86
00:07:27,310 --> 00:07:28,670
Sweaty. A little nervous.
87
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:32,790
I'm just saying there's things we're
better off not knowing.
88
00:07:33,510 --> 00:07:34,510
Like what?
89
00:07:36,250 --> 00:07:39,930
Like would it ruin it for you if you
found out that Stavros was a doctor back
90
00:07:39,930 --> 00:07:42,570
home and he was just working here until
he got his American license?
91
00:07:43,090 --> 00:07:44,930
Are you saying Stavros is smart?
92
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:46,800
He's a surgeon.
93
00:07:47,380 --> 00:07:50,720
You take that back. He's dumb and hunky
and you know it.
94
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:55,600
See, nothing's changed, but now it
doesn't work for you, right?
95
00:07:57,740 --> 00:07:59,820
No, it doesn't. Why would you do that?
96
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,460
Just trying to make a point.
97
00:08:04,020 --> 00:08:05,120
Stop, Rose. Come here.
98
00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:10,160
Where is my medulla oblongata?
99
00:08:11,060 --> 00:08:12,060
Coming right up.
100
00:08:28,910 --> 00:08:31,290
is kiss you, Mrs. Johnson. I shouldn't
even be doing this.
101
00:08:32,409 --> 00:08:36,250
That's not the way I heard it. The way I
heard it, the woman's name was Mrs.
102
00:08:36,370 --> 00:08:37,510
Taylor. Really?
103
00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:39,710
And how'd that one go?
104
00:08:40,630 --> 00:08:45,110
Well, there was this woman, Mrs. Taylor,
and she goes to visit her gynecologist.
105
00:08:45,110 --> 00:08:46,950
Would you two stop? It's the same damn
joke.
106
00:08:47,990 --> 00:08:48,990
Jiminy Christmas.
107
00:08:49,810 --> 00:08:51,430
What crawled into your pup tent?
108
00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:55,790
You're not still bent out of shape
because of that beach, are you? No, I
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00:08:55,790 --> 00:08:58,330
care about that. I didn't cheat. I said
I didn't care.
110
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Well, except I'm 14, but you knew that.
111
00:09:00,590 --> 00:09:01,590
Me?
112
00:09:02,990 --> 00:09:04,430
Where's that ball you lost in the woods?
113
00:09:07,390 --> 00:09:12,510
No, I don't care about the golf. It's
Dharma and me. We're just having a
114
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,190
trouble. It's not important.
115
00:09:14,730 --> 00:09:15,730
What kind of trouble?
116
00:09:15,870 --> 00:09:17,030
If your house looks clean.
117
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It's personal, all right?
118
00:09:20,850 --> 00:09:22,330
Ah, the honeymoon's over, huh?
119
00:09:22,810 --> 00:09:26,770
No, we still have sex all the time. It's
just the last couple of weeks, it
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00:09:26,770 --> 00:09:27,770
seems...
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00:09:28,460 --> 00:09:31,020
Detached. But you still have sex all the
time.
122
00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:33,360
Yeah. And your house is still clean.
123
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:37,360
Can we please not talk about this? Look,
son.
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00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:39,960
I've been married a long time.
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00:09:40,540 --> 00:09:41,540
To your mother.
126
00:09:42,860 --> 00:09:46,560
And one thing I've learned is that
passion comes and goes.
127
00:09:46,860 --> 00:09:49,520
And when it goes, you've got to stay the
course.
128
00:09:50,180 --> 00:09:51,180
Stay the course?
129
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:52,580
Stay the course.
130
00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:56,500
Do your duty as a husband and someday
her passion will return.
131
00:09:57,710 --> 00:09:58,810
How long does that take?
132
00:09:59,350 --> 00:10:00,350
I'll let you know.
133
00:10:02,450 --> 00:10:03,450
This is Mrs.
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00:10:03,490 --> 00:10:04,490
Taylor.
135
00:10:05,410 --> 00:10:06,410
Hi.
136
00:10:11,290 --> 00:10:12,290
Hey.
137
00:10:12,770 --> 00:10:13,770
For you.
138
00:10:15,550 --> 00:10:17,830
Thank you. This is unexpected.
139
00:10:18,350 --> 00:10:19,350
What's the occasion?
140
00:10:19,590 --> 00:10:21,110
No occasion, just because I love you.
141
00:10:22,810 --> 00:10:24,870
Wow, this is so spontaneous.
142
00:10:27,470 --> 00:10:28,990
You know what I was thinking? How would
I know what you were thinking?
143
00:10:30,490 --> 00:10:34,290
Why don't we take a little drive, maybe
down the coast, get some linguine at
144
00:10:34,290 --> 00:10:35,470
that little place on the pier?
145
00:10:35,810 --> 00:10:36,810
Wouldn't that be nice?
146
00:10:37,690 --> 00:10:38,690
Yeah, it would be.
147
00:10:39,150 --> 00:10:41,730
And maybe afterwards we can take a walk
down by the water?
148
00:10:42,450 --> 00:10:43,930
And make love on the beach?
149
00:10:44,190 --> 00:10:46,990
See, you did know what I was thinking.
I'll get the blanket.
150
00:10:58,890 --> 00:10:59,890
on the beach?
151
00:10:59,970 --> 00:11:02,410
Mm -hmm. And it was really romantic.
152
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:05,210
Honey, I'm so sorry.
153
00:11:06,630 --> 00:11:08,430
What should I do, Abby?
154
00:11:08,850 --> 00:11:13,390
Greg has scheduled every moment of our
sex life. Well, not honestly, Dharma.
155
00:11:13,710 --> 00:11:16,450
It's not his fault. It's just his
nature.
156
00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:19,110
Come on.
157
00:11:19,690 --> 00:11:22,990
Are you telling me Greg is pre
-programmed to sip champagne out of my
158
00:11:22,990 --> 00:11:25,070
button every time PBS has a fundraising
drive?
159
00:11:27,690 --> 00:11:29,190
Should I say something to him?
160
00:11:30,470 --> 00:11:32,330
What would you tell him?
161
00:11:32,670 --> 00:11:35,950
I don't know. It's hard to get all
worked up about a guy sucking on your
162
00:11:35,950 --> 00:11:38,290
when you know he's only doing it because
his car got waxed.
163
00:11:39,650 --> 00:11:42,370
Those don't sound like helping words,
Dharma.
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00:11:42,570 --> 00:11:45,850
Well, isn't there anything I can do?
Forgive me for suggesting behavior
165
00:11:45,850 --> 00:11:50,470
modification, but maybe there's a way
that you could gently sway him from his
166
00:11:50,470 --> 00:11:51,470
schedule.
167
00:11:51,990 --> 00:11:53,030
If that doesn't work.
168
00:12:08,530 --> 00:12:09,530
No,
169
00:12:10,470 --> 00:12:11,670
I can't say anything to him.
170
00:12:13,110 --> 00:12:14,710
I might traumatize him.
171
00:12:15,570 --> 00:12:16,570
I care.
172
00:12:20,010 --> 00:12:22,570
Well, I'm going to try some subtle
behavior modification.
173
00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:03,580
Were you, uh, were you cooking
something?
174
00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:05,740
No.
175
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:12,120
Stay the course, son.
176
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:13,840
Stay the course.
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00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,360
Come here, Gil.
178
00:13:42,340 --> 00:13:45,380
I'm telling you, Pete, I'm doing
everything I can, but it just keeps
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00:13:45,380 --> 00:13:49,640
worse and worse. Last night, I swear she
took a bath in sour milk just so I
180
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:50,640
would leave her alone.
181
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:52,759
Did you?
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00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:56,260
Of course not. I love her. I, you know,
stayed the course.
183
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:02,300
Your woman makes love to you every
night, and she's just going through the
184
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:03,880
motions. That can only mean one thing.
185
00:14:04,860 --> 00:14:06,080
She's covering up an affair.
186
00:14:06,340 --> 00:14:07,620
Oh, that's ridiculous.
187
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,180
Yo, buddy.
188
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:12,940
A guy's wife makes love to him every
night, but she's bored from the poke to
189
00:14:12,940 --> 00:14:13,940
smoke.
190
00:14:14,380 --> 00:14:16,020
She's cheating on him. Really?
191
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:18,479
How about you?
192
00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:22,000
Your wife's doing you every night, but
she's bored from the chitty to the bang
193
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,000
-bang.
194
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:27,780
Sounds like a classic case of marital
infidelity.
195
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:29,160
Thank you.
196
00:14:29,770 --> 00:14:30,770
What do you think?
197
00:14:33,150 --> 00:14:39,150
I'm sorry,
198
00:14:44,310 --> 00:14:47,490
man. I can't believe that. Not Dharma.
I'm going home.
199
00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:00,690
it's someone you know.
200
00:15:01,870 --> 00:15:02,870
Thank you.
201
00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:07,690
Sorry, ma.
202
00:15:14,630 --> 00:15:15,630
Hey.
203
00:15:18,290 --> 00:15:19,209
Where you been?
204
00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:22,430
I stopped and had a beer with Pete.
Listen, is there anything that you and I
205
00:15:22,430 --> 00:15:23,430
need to talk about?
206
00:15:23,530 --> 00:15:25,730
What do you mean? Come on, something's
going on.
207
00:15:26,650 --> 00:15:28,530
You figured out what I've been up to,
huh?
208
00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:31,060
I'm not sure. Why don't you tell me?
209
00:15:31,540 --> 00:15:35,260
Look, it's not your fault. I'm the one
with the problem. But I'm afraid if I go
210
00:15:35,260 --> 00:15:37,580
over the details with you, it's just
going to make you feel worse.
211
00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:42,320
How can you be so casual about this?
212
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,020
It's not the end of the world.
213
00:15:44,380 --> 00:15:46,960
I mean, it's not like it was
premeditated.
214
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:51,240
So we're just supposed to go on like
nothing's happening?
215
00:15:51,980 --> 00:15:55,920
Honey, we could talk about this all
night, but we both know what's coming
216
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,240
so why don't we just get to it?
217
00:15:58,720 --> 00:15:59,720
Where are you going?
218
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,660
I want you to meet someone.
219
00:16:06,020 --> 00:16:07,920
I can't do this.
220
00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:19,800
every time you get your alumni
newsletter, you like to play big man on
221
00:17:19,900 --> 00:17:20,960
and I thought the outfit would help.
222
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:26,339
How did you know about the newsletter
thing? I told you. I figured out your
223
00:17:26,339 --> 00:17:27,339
schedule.
224
00:17:31,020 --> 00:17:33,240
That what's been going on?
225
00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:35,240
Yeah, what did you think had been going
on?
226
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,400
Um, nothing.
227
00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:39,820
Or that. I kind of thought it was that.
I wasn't sure.
228
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,720
Don't worry. I'll get used to it. I
mean, it's not like you were doing it on
229
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:45,720
purpose.
230
00:17:45,910 --> 00:17:47,470
Wait, you think what I was doing was
unconscious?
231
00:17:47,710 --> 00:17:48,970
What do you think I am, some kind of
freak?
232
00:17:50,630 --> 00:17:53,130
So you actually sat down one day and
made up that schedule?
233
00:17:53,350 --> 00:17:54,670
Oh, God, no. It took weeks.
234
00:17:56,850 --> 00:17:57,850
Why?
235
00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:06,310
Because when we got married, I figured
you were, you know, a little more
236
00:18:06,310 --> 00:18:11,650
advanced, maybe, than me. And I had to
come up with a way to keep you, you
237
00:18:11,650 --> 00:18:12,970
interested.
238
00:18:16,750 --> 00:18:21,430
Dharma, a guy like me goes out with
Allison's and Emily's and Catherine's,
239
00:18:21,430 --> 00:18:24,570
you're a Dharma. It was a little
intimidating.
240
00:18:25,610 --> 00:18:27,530
Get out of town, really?
241
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,190
Really.
242
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:31,110
Wow.
243
00:18:32,150 --> 00:18:33,890
You're killing Emily now.
244
00:18:34,930 --> 00:18:40,770
Listen, I know that I should have given
this up a long time ago, but I put a lot
245
00:18:40,770 --> 00:18:43,330
of work into it, and it was kind of
doing the job.
246
00:18:47,950 --> 00:18:50,110
Say we toss the math and do a little off
-roading.
247
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:51,730
Absolutely.
248
00:18:53,450 --> 00:18:56,070
But can we start tomorrow? Because that
jewelry thing is kind of working for me.
249
00:18:56,170 --> 00:18:57,770
I know. That's a pretty cute job. Oh,
yeah.
250
00:18:58,450 --> 00:19:02,070
Do you buy it or rent it? Oh, no. I
rented it. Oh, we should buy it.
251
00:19:02,290 --> 00:19:03,370
We'll save money in the long run.
252
00:19:05,690 --> 00:19:08,690
It's in the doctor's office, right? Now,
excuse me, gentlemen. I'll have you
253
00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:12,310
know my wife was not having an affair.
She was just distracted because she
254
00:19:12,310 --> 00:19:15,090
figured out that I schedule each and
every sexual move I make.
255
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:25,700
I guess we're the idiots, huh?
256
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:27,720
So anyway, Mrs.
257
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:28,880
Taylor's up in the store.
258
00:19:32,740 --> 00:19:34,980
Come in.
259
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:41,520
My, my, my.
260
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:43,440
I didn't know you delivered.
261
00:19:54,120 --> 00:19:56,340
What do I do? You told me I wasn't
allowed to take off the apron.
262
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,120
I also told you not to speak.
263
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:03,320
Okay. All right.
264
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,680
Do you want me to go out and come back
in again?
265
00:20:07,860 --> 00:20:08,860
Kitty.
266
00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:14,440
What?
267
00:20:15,740 --> 00:20:17,800
Am I supposed to have the baklava with
me?
268
00:20:31,470 --> 00:20:32,430
I didn't know you delivered
269
00:20:32,430 --> 00:20:42,590
What's
270
00:20:42,590 --> 00:20:43,590
the baklava for?
20709
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