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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,829 --> 00:00:05,829 Hello? 2 00:00:06,630 --> 00:00:07,630 Anybody home? 3 00:00:08,490 --> 00:00:09,650 Party was at 8, right? 4 00:00:10,090 --> 00:00:11,090 Fuck so. 5 00:00:11,350 --> 00:00:12,350 Kitty? 6 00:00:13,230 --> 00:00:15,290 Quiet. No shouting. 7 00:00:15,650 --> 00:00:16,710 You'll wake it. 8 00:00:17,230 --> 00:00:18,229 Wake what? 9 00:00:18,230 --> 00:00:19,230 Demon. 10 00:00:21,290 --> 00:00:23,210 Oh, demon, demon, demon. 11 00:00:23,450 --> 00:00:24,510 She means your mother. 12 00:00:26,910 --> 00:00:28,730 I finally got her to sleep. 13 00:00:28,990 --> 00:00:31,390 What about the party? Where are the other guests? 14 00:00:31,830 --> 00:00:33,650 They're on their way. Where's my father? 15 00:00:34,140 --> 00:00:35,160 In the garage in the Mercedes. 16 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:37,720 Why? Because it's bulletproof. 17 00:00:39,620 --> 00:00:40,620 Celia! 18 00:00:41,460 --> 00:00:42,460 She's alive. 19 00:00:47,740 --> 00:00:48,740 What do you think? 20 00:00:49,420 --> 00:00:51,860 Well, I think one of us should go talk to your dad. 21 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,960 Ed, I think you should go talk to your mom. 22 00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:57,280 I know what you just did. Me too. 23 00:00:57,680 --> 00:00:58,680 Go with God. 24 00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:02,590 What? What do you get when you kiss a guy? 25 00:01:02,810 --> 00:01:05,110 You get enough germs to catch pneumonia. 26 00:01:05,450 --> 00:01:08,310 Then when you do, he'll never phone you. 27 00:01:08,750 --> 00:01:11,390 Never fall in love again. 28 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:14,890 Oh, hi, Dharma. 29 00:01:16,190 --> 00:01:18,450 How are you? Pretty good. 30 00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:20,630 What you doing out here? 31 00:01:20,910 --> 00:01:23,610 Oh, listening to the radio, reading my owner's manual. 32 00:01:25,330 --> 00:01:26,630 What else is new? 33 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:30,040 Well, your mother -in -law is going through women trouble. 34 00:01:30,460 --> 00:01:31,460 I see. 35 00:01:31,540 --> 00:01:33,380 Regular, ordinary women trouble? 36 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,960 No, no, no, no. I think this might be the big one. 37 00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:40,480 I think she's going through menopause. Like Sherman through Atlanta. 38 00:01:56,200 --> 00:02:00,820 is good for both of you. No more worries about birth control. And you can be as 39 00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:03,360 spontaneous and loving as you want. 40 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,220 You should be celebrating, not hiding. 41 00:03:00,170 --> 00:03:02,410 I thought she might be able to help you. Help me with what? 42 00:03:02,610 --> 00:03:05,350 I'm a certified menstrual termination counselor. 43 00:03:07,830 --> 00:03:10,810 Excuse me? She took a course at the Goddess Institute. 44 00:03:11,910 --> 00:03:14,610 It was part of their midwife to midlife program. 45 00:03:16,190 --> 00:03:22,170 Anyway, Kitty, I'm an expert, and I can love and guide you through this mystical 46 00:03:22,170 --> 00:03:26,630 transition. At no charge, of course. We're family. Oh, that's very sweet of 47 00:03:26,730 --> 00:03:27,990 Abby, dear, but there's no problem here. 48 00:03:28,690 --> 00:03:29,690 Okay. 49 00:03:30,220 --> 00:03:31,940 Well, this was a good first session. 50 00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:35,220 And if you need me, call me. 51 00:03:35,860 --> 00:03:37,440 Okay, let's go, Dharma. 52 00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:40,220 That's it. I know what I'm doing. Okay, bye -bye. 53 00:03:41,060 --> 00:03:42,060 Hang in there, kitty. 54 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,880 Fine, go, go, go, go, go. Everybody leaves. 55 00:03:50,140 --> 00:03:53,420 Oh, this wasn't supposed to happen to me. 56 00:04:01,420 --> 00:04:03,340 And now you're a beautiful woman. 57 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:04,600 No, you don't understand. 58 00:04:05,180 --> 00:04:06,980 You don't understand. I was stunning. 59 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:10,820 I was drop dead. Leave your wife gorgeous. 60 00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:13,700 Look, look, look, look, look, look, look. 61 00:04:14,540 --> 00:04:15,660 Ballet, cotillion. 62 00:04:16,019 --> 00:04:20,279 Ah, here I am. Look at my skin glistening as I'm riding Prince Rupert. 63 00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:32,430 Toledo Bath and Tennis Club pageant. 64 00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:35,750 Hey, second place. Good for you, Kitty. 65 00:04:37,330 --> 00:04:38,330 What's that? 66 00:04:38,490 --> 00:04:39,490 Well, 67 00:04:40,130 --> 00:04:42,010 that's young Miss Newport Beach. 68 00:04:42,430 --> 00:04:43,690 Second place again. 69 00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:46,670 Oh, what about that? 70 00:04:47,190 --> 00:04:48,570 Oh, Santa Barbara. 71 00:04:48,910 --> 00:04:50,310 Miss Congeniality. 72 00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:51,690 You're kidding. 73 00:04:55,030 --> 00:04:59,490 All these contests, I never won any of them. Oh, but Kitty, you've gained. 74 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:03,980 Wisdom and experience and every bit of it shows on your face. 75 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,860 Hey, look at this one. 76 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,680 Here you are with the first place trophy. 77 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,080 Where? Right there at the pretty yellow lab. 78 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:13,980 No, that's the dog's trophy. 79 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:18,360 Yeah, she was best of show at Westminster, blah, blah, blah. 80 00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:21,700 Well, at least she let you hold it. 81 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,300 And you know what came with that trophy? 82 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:26,800 A rawhide tiara? 83 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:41,740 To be a beauty queen, I just... Of course you do, but Kitty, wouldn't it be 84 00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:46,540 fulfilling if you threw off the shackles of estrogen enslavement and took your 85 00:05:46,540 --> 00:05:48,960 rightful place as an elder of the tribe? 86 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:53,540 I said I want to be a beauty queen! 87 00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:56,360 Mrs. 88 00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,080 San Francisco, huh? 89 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:02,380 It's the only beauty contest for a woman her age where she doesn't need a Harley 90 00:06:02,380 --> 00:06:03,380 or a stump. 91 00:06:05,390 --> 00:06:06,390 Come on, Pete. Let's get going. 92 00:06:06,690 --> 00:06:07,810 See you later. Bye. 93 00:06:08,830 --> 00:06:09,830 Okay, 94 00:06:10,090 --> 00:06:11,090 good. Well, this is the one we'll do. 95 00:06:11,530 --> 00:06:12,530 What are they doing? 96 00:06:13,350 --> 00:06:17,250 Mrs. DeFrisco Pageant celebrates the beauty and sophistication of the mature 97 00:06:17,250 --> 00:06:18,250 married woman. 98 00:06:18,810 --> 00:06:20,650 You can't enter my mother in a beauty contest. 99 00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:24,610 It's her dream. Well, it's my nightmare. 100 00:06:25,890 --> 00:06:28,310 Fine. You call her and tell her she can't enter. 101 00:06:29,870 --> 00:06:31,930 Well, what exactly would she have to be doing? 102 00:06:32,830 --> 00:06:34,150 Jane. A piece of cake. 103 00:06:35,340 --> 00:06:38,360 sing a song, save the world, boom, beauty contest. 104 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:42,780 If I can do it, anybody can do it. I'm not going to have to look at my mother 105 00:06:42,780 --> 00:06:44,500 a bathing suit and high heels, am I? 106 00:06:44,940 --> 00:06:46,800 Not unless you ask a nice. 107 00:06:49,340 --> 00:06:50,380 I have to go now. 108 00:06:51,020 --> 00:06:56,300 Come on, Pete. This is sweet. The contestant's husband reads a love poem 109 00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:57,380 the evening gown competition. 110 00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:01,820 What do you mean, if I can do it, anybody can do it? You didn't tell Pete 111 00:07:01,820 --> 00:07:03,400 won a bunch of teen beauty pageants? 112 00:07:24,070 --> 00:07:25,670 Excuse me, I have to take Mr. 113 00:07:25,890 --> 00:07:26,890 Montgomery his lunch. 114 00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:37,300 You're letting in a draft. 115 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:38,520 Sorry. 116 00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:40,080 Oh, hot. 117 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:43,340 What are you trying to do in here? Cure a ham? 118 00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:46,460 I had a chill. 119 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:49,600 What are you writing? 120 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:51,200 Revising Edward's will. 121 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:54,380 What can I do for you? 122 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:59,240 Well, um, remember how you said you always wanted to be a beauty queen? 123 00:08:00,300 --> 00:08:01,300 No. 124 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:03,160 Kitty. 125 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:08,240 Oh, I remember Miss Congeniality. the yellow Labrador, your daddy's love. 126 00:08:08,660 --> 00:08:09,660 Oh, yes. 127 00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:13,180 Well, I found the perfect pageant for you. 128 00:08:14,300 --> 00:08:15,760 Mrs. San Francisco? 129 00:08:17,020 --> 00:08:19,240 Is this a pageant for older women? 130 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:20,640 No. 131 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,360 No, it's not. 132 00:08:22,580 --> 00:08:25,840 It's for married women of all ages over 50. 133 00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:32,280 Over 50? You know what? This was a bad idea. Thought up by a bad person. You 134 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:33,280 remember Jane. 135 00:08:35,789 --> 00:08:37,990 Conceivably, I would be the youngest contestant. 136 00:08:39,090 --> 00:08:40,830 Not conceivably, definitely. 137 00:08:42,169 --> 00:08:45,890 Surrounded by a bunch of old biddies. Which would be bad. And I told Jane that 138 00:08:45,890 --> 00:08:49,250 you would... I love it. I knew you would! 139 00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:52,790 So let us get cracking. 140 00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:57,270 I will need a dress, a talent, a philosophy of life. 141 00:08:58,890 --> 00:09:01,190 Come, Dharma, you have work to do. 142 00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:05,530 I'm on the kiddie coaster now. 143 00:09:12,730 --> 00:09:13,730 Aren't you coming to bed? 144 00:09:15,990 --> 00:09:18,610 Soon as I finish your mom's homemade dress. 145 00:09:19,970 --> 00:09:23,010 I thought contestants had to make their own dresses. So did I. 146 00:09:25,350 --> 00:09:27,270 Hey, do you happen to know your mother's cup size? 147 00:09:30,390 --> 00:09:33,170 No, but if I did, I'm pretty sure I'd have to kill myself. Good night. 148 00:09:37,260 --> 00:09:41,260 No, this is just terrific. If it could be exactly like this, except lose the 149 00:09:41,260 --> 00:09:45,980 sleeves, not so poofy, and what do we think of the color? 150 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:51,600 Well, I guess we don't like it, even though we picked it out. 151 00:09:52,260 --> 00:09:56,640 Good. Now, I've decided on my talent, tap dancing. Will it be difficult to put 152 00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:57,640 taps on these shoes? 153 00:09:57,900 --> 00:10:01,240 Uh, well, yeah, sort of. Then you better get started, because I need them by the 154 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:02,240 morning. 155 00:10:37,710 --> 00:10:39,150 The lines of this are just perfect. 156 00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:41,590 There's a little too much activity back here. 157 00:10:43,050 --> 00:10:45,550 And what do we think of the color? 158 00:10:49,230 --> 00:10:50,230 We hate it. 159 00:10:51,290 --> 00:10:52,450 You read my mind. 160 00:10:53,790 --> 00:10:55,870 Now, I've been thinking about the tap dancing. 161 00:10:56,290 --> 00:10:57,189 How's that going? 162 00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,250 I don't care for it. 163 00:10:59,470 --> 00:11:02,130 I was thinking that I used to play the harp. 164 00:11:02,430 --> 00:11:04,750 The harp, you say? The harp. 165 00:11:37,710 --> 00:11:39,490 We're going to try flower arranging. 166 00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,070 Okay. 167 00:11:49,970 --> 00:11:54,330 I owe a really big favor to a clown friend of mine, but here you go. 168 00:11:55,510 --> 00:11:57,330 Take it back, dumb. Why? 169 00:11:57,850 --> 00:12:01,930 This whole pageant thing. It's just too much work. I am exhausted. 170 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,200 What kind of favor a clown asks for? 171 00:12:09,580 --> 00:12:12,300 Well, I'm sorry, but it's just too much for me. I'm going to withdraw. 172 00:12:12,980 --> 00:12:13,980 What? 173 00:12:14,540 --> 00:12:15,960 You can't do that. 174 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:17,099 Why not? 175 00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:18,100 Why not? 176 00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:25,700 Kitty, I have sewn for you. I have schlepped for you. I have 177 00:12:25,700 --> 00:12:30,960 cobbled for you. You damn near poked my eye out. And I'm getting a seamstress 178 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:31,960 hump. 179 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:33,160 And this. 180 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:34,220 Kitty, do you see that? 181 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,900 I wonder how you get that. Do you know how you get that, Kitty? Do you know how 182 00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:38,479 you get that? 183 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:39,580 A harp has to fall on you! 184 00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:41,500 But you know what? 185 00:12:42,180 --> 00:12:45,460 I don't mind all of that because I wasn't doing it for myself. 186 00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:48,400 I was doing it for you, Kitty. 187 00:12:49,180 --> 00:12:53,700 This is your dream and you deserve to go out there and live it! But, uh... Don't 188 00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:57,040 fuck me! You get your second place ass on that unicycle and start juggling. 189 00:13:04,820 --> 00:13:07,740 unless there are other people on stage for her to be clever with. 190 00:13:08,060 --> 00:13:10,740 She's just some nut standing there talking to herself. 191 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:13,040 We'll check into it. 192 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:20,020 What are you people doing sitting around? Come on, this is D -Day. This is 193 00:13:20,020 --> 00:13:21,740 drill. You told us we were in the way. 194 00:13:21,940 --> 00:13:23,480 And I'm about to tell you again. 195 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:25,240 Where's your father? 196 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:26,700 Probably in the car. 197 00:13:27,060 --> 00:13:29,460 Well, did he finish the poem he's supposed to read during the evening gown 198 00:13:29,460 --> 00:13:30,760 competition? I don't know. 199 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:33,520 What, is this a game to you? 200 00:13:35,020 --> 00:13:37,160 Well, if it is, it isn't a very fun one. 201 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:41,760 I'm sorry you're not having a good time, but unless all the horses are pulling 202 00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:44,480 in the same direction, I'm never going to win this thing. What do you mean by 203 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:45,500 I'm never going to win? 204 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:47,200 I mean your mother. 205 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,240 Kitty, I, me, I couldn't care less. 206 00:13:51,420 --> 00:13:53,580 Take a last look before I load her in the car. 207 00:13:55,260 --> 00:13:59,800 Oh, my God, her eyes are all puffy. Did you let her have salt? 208 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:03,020 She had a bag of pretzels taped to the back of the toilet tank. 209 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:08,160 put them there. They must have been Edward's. You know, I don't think you 210 00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:12,820 to win. I do, I do, I do. Well, winners don't eat things that they find taped to 211 00:14:12,820 --> 00:14:14,160 the back of toilet tanks. 212 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:19,620 Now, Jane, go slap a couple of tea bags under those eyes, and you two, go find 213 00:14:19,620 --> 00:14:22,500 Edward and hold him upside down until a poem falls out of him. 214 00:14:23,580 --> 00:14:25,740 Mother, I think you look beautiful. 215 00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:27,100 Thank you. 216 00:14:28,060 --> 00:14:29,140 Did you not hear me? 217 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:32,980 You married your mother. 218 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,540 You've had three weeks to write this thing. 219 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,460 But what's wrong with it? It rhymes. 220 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:45,280 Roses are red, violets are pretty, the gal in the dress is my wife's kitty. 221 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:48,900 You got a gift, Ed. 222 00:14:49,460 --> 00:14:51,200 It was easy once I got to pretty. 223 00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:58,960 And Tupac's compassion garnished with a sprig of generosity. 224 00:14:59,580 --> 00:15:03,140 And that, Gary, is my recipe for a better world. 225 00:15:03,630 --> 00:15:06,350 Well, that's a spoon that I'd like to lick. 226 00:15:07,830 --> 00:15:09,490 Well, thank you, Mrs. Kitty Montgomery. 227 00:15:11,930 --> 00:15:16,210 I'd like to suggest that this is Elaine Barclay's. Oh, the thrill of 228 00:15:16,210 --> 00:15:18,230 competition. Wasn't I wonderful? 229 00:15:19,030 --> 00:15:20,730 I was very, very confident. 230 00:15:21,030 --> 00:15:24,650 Yeah, that was all good. I think you strayed a little bit from our speech. 231 00:15:25,370 --> 00:15:29,230 It's choppy as I was ad -libbing. The judges may have been confused when you 232 00:15:29,230 --> 00:15:32,550 -libbed the phrase Catholics and other people of color. 233 00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:36,690 Really? I thought that was rather neutral. 234 00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:40,630 Okay, let's not dwell on it. I think we still have a really good shot to win 235 00:15:40,630 --> 00:15:41,289 this thing. 236 00:15:41,290 --> 00:15:42,950 And now, Mr. Francis Weber. 237 00:15:43,430 --> 00:15:44,430 What's up, Ginger? 238 00:15:49,090 --> 00:15:50,049 We're dead. 239 00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,050 Hard as a cock. 240 00:15:57,580 --> 00:15:59,280 Come on, Dad, you've got to write this poem. 241 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,340 I'm sorry, I just don't know what to say. 242 00:16:02,620 --> 00:16:05,080 Okay, when you first met Mother, what were you thinking? 243 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:07,280 Exactly, what was I thinking? 244 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:10,900 I mean, what did you think of her? 245 00:16:11,140 --> 00:16:16,240 Well, I... I thought she was kind of stacked for a skinny girl. 246 00:16:18,580 --> 00:16:21,320 What is she, about a B cup? C cup. Oh, please. 247 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:28,640 Sorry, I came here to support Kitty, but I just couldn't watch that exploitation 248 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,680 of women one second longer. 249 00:16:31,140 --> 00:16:31,939 I agree. 250 00:16:31,940 --> 00:16:34,640 It's different when you have the young ones in bathing suits. 251 00:16:35,540 --> 00:16:36,680 Larry, that's worse. 252 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:38,040 Yes, it is. 253 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:39,080 Worse than different. 254 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:47,400 Well, I agree with Abby. Kitty doesn't need to traipse up and down a stage to 255 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:50,720 prove how beautiful she is. She's beautiful every moment of the day. 256 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:54,200 In the morning when she's sipping her tea in the garden. 257 00:16:55,270 --> 00:16:56,109 Don't stop. 258 00:16:56,110 --> 00:16:57,630 Tell us more. Write down everything. 259 00:16:57,870 --> 00:16:58,789 Got it. 260 00:16:58,790 --> 00:17:03,070 Sometimes when I look at Kitty, I can't believe how lucky I am to be married to 261 00:17:03,070 --> 00:17:03,989 such an angel. 262 00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:07,450 I hope you're getting all this down. I'm on top of it. So many wonderful 263 00:17:07,450 --> 00:17:10,650 moments. Don't miss a word. He's half in the bag and he'll never remember it. 264 00:17:13,250 --> 00:17:15,130 My heart is full. 265 00:17:16,329 --> 00:17:22,890 That's why I'm sharing these words of love for my dear wife, Sharon. 266 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,780 and gentlemen. Thank you so very much. That is a good one. 267 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,020 Hey, you have your poem. 268 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:35,240 Larry. 269 00:17:36,420 --> 00:17:37,760 Jane, Jane, that's the link. 270 00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:39,760 And now, Mrs. 271 00:17:39,980 --> 00:17:43,860 Kitty Montgomery and a poem written by her husband Edward. Okay, okay, okay. 272 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:46,120 Who's the queen? I'm the queen. Who's got the power? 273 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:47,320 I've got the power. 274 00:17:49,540 --> 00:17:56,220 Sometimes when I look at Kitty, I can't believe how lucky I am. 275 00:17:56,650 --> 00:17:58,430 To be married to such an angel. 276 00:17:59,130 --> 00:18:01,190 I hope you're getting all this down. 277 00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:03,670 I'm on top of it. 278 00:18:05,910 --> 00:18:07,890 So many wonderful moments. 279 00:18:08,390 --> 00:18:09,470 Don't miss a word. 280 00:18:09,950 --> 00:18:12,590 He's half in the bag, he'll never remember it. 281 00:18:14,150 --> 00:18:16,190 Like the day I first saw her. 282 00:18:16,850 --> 00:18:20,210 Shouldn't we go back in there and watch Grannies on Parade? 283 00:18:23,590 --> 00:18:24,910 Hey, that's not nice. 284 00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:26,450 But it's true. 285 00:18:27,270 --> 00:18:29,750 Who ordered the Jägermeister? I did. 286 00:18:30,590 --> 00:18:33,390 Oh, Larry, are you going to drink? 287 00:18:36,730 --> 00:18:37,750 No, thanks. 288 00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:39,590 Nuts, give me gas. 289 00:18:45,310 --> 00:18:46,310 It's over. 290 00:18:47,030 --> 00:18:51,830 Maybe not. 291 00:18:53,830 --> 00:18:58,620 Hey, now. Finally, in our talent competition this evening, a woman whose 292 00:18:58,620 --> 00:19:00,840 has been an inspiration to all of us this evening, 293 00:19:01,580 --> 00:19:06,000 Mrs. Frances Weber will now sing Looking Through the Eyes of Love while 294 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:12,960 assigning the words for the benefit of her hearing -impaired adopted Cambodian 295 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:13,960 daughter. 296 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,040 It's everything. 297 00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:25,300 What are you doing? 298 00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:26,540 Exposing a fraud. 299 00:19:27,940 --> 00:19:29,220 I can't pee. 300 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:37,220 What the hell is she doing? I don't know. I hardly ever 301 00:19:37,220 --> 00:19:38,220 know. 302 00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:42,420 Oh, come on, lady. You can see me. 303 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,140 What's going on? Okay, I'm sorry to interrupt, Mr. Patrick, but I saw this 304 00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:47,660 putting makeup on in the mirror. 305 00:19:48,180 --> 00:19:50,240 Pretending to be blind, lady, is not a talent. 306 00:19:50,860 --> 00:19:52,400 Who are you? 307 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,200 you doing this to my sister? 308 00:19:57,260 --> 00:20:00,460 Sister? Yes, my sister, my blind sister. 309 00:20:02,260 --> 00:20:04,640 Please get off the stage. 310 00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:08,600 Can I just explain one second? Actually, it's a very funny story. 311 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:10,000 Hit the road, Blondie. 312 00:20:12,020 --> 00:20:16,360 If anybody wants to hear a really funny story, meet me in the lobby. 313 00:20:19,860 --> 00:20:21,660 Don't worry, your mommy's gonna win. 314 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:27,140 Don't beat yourself up, Kitty. We'll get him next year. 315 00:20:31,540 --> 00:20:36,500 Kitty, I'm sorry about that business with the poem. Oh, that's all right, 316 00:20:36,580 --> 00:20:37,580 Edward. 317 00:20:37,700 --> 00:20:40,360 Abby told me the lovely things you said about me in the bar. 318 00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:41,900 Well, she did. 319 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,560 Well, I meant every word. 320 00:20:45,020 --> 00:20:46,280 I'm sorry you didn't win. 321 00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:47,900 I would have voted for you. 322 00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:50,300 That's very sweet of you, Edward. Thank you. 323 00:20:51,620 --> 00:20:54,080 Well, it's getting late. Yes, we'd better turn in. 324 00:20:54,570 --> 00:20:55,570 Good night, Edward. 325 00:20:56,870 --> 00:20:57,870 Good night, kitten. 326 00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:08,130 Oh, you look absolutely beautiful. 327 00:21:08,750 --> 00:21:09,669 And you? 328 00:21:09,670 --> 00:21:10,670 You have lost weight. 329 00:21:11,390 --> 00:21:12,269 He's divorced. 330 00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:16,150 I absolutely know it, Bishop. The Duchess... Please, come. I want you to 331 00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:17,310 her. No, no, no, no. I insist. 332 00:21:17,570 --> 00:21:19,530 Duke, darling, I want you to meet her. 333 00:21:20,050 --> 00:21:21,950 She's from Detroit. Don't hold it against her. 25659

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