All language subtitles for dean_martin_truman_capote_1973

The Dean Martin Celebrity Roast, coming
to you from the MGM Grand Hotel in the

entertainment capital of the world, Las
Vegas, Nevada.

Ladies and gentlemen, from the beautiful
Siegfeld Room, tonight's star -studded

roast has brought together some of the
world's greatest entertainers.

They've come from all over the world to
be here tonight, here in Las Vegas, in

person.

And tonight's very special, everybody.

Boom, ba -boom!

It's with great pride that we honor one
of the great authors of our time, who

was most remembered for his book, In
Cold Blood.

I'm proud to say I own a copy of the
book.

I didn't buy the book.

I got it free. It came inside a box of
Chung King's frozen egg roll.

Though Truman was born in poverty, he
now owns a home in Palm Springs, a home

New York.

Home in Southampton and a home in
Switzerland.

And he did it the hard way. He doesn't
know B .B. Rebozo.

Truman is proof of the American dream.
Born on a farm in Louisiana, he had a

tragic childhood.

His father was a farmer and the
government paid his father not to raise

But he fought to get an education.

He knew that in the South, you cannot
vote if you're illiterate, but you can

elected.

Truman has been accused of being a
social snob, and rightly so. He's so

he never goes to the bathroom.

But he's kind and generous.

One time he gave a surprise party for
his black maid, Myrtle Bennett.

At the most exclusive restaurant in New
York. Not only that, he had Myrtle

brought to the party in a chauffeur
-driven subway.

I don't know whether any of you know
this, but the TV series The Waltons is

based on Truman's early life. As a
matter of fact, Truman expected someone

the Walton family to be here. When he
came into the studio tonight, the first

thing he said to me was, Where's the
John, boy?

pleasure now for me to introduce Ted
Knight. Ted certainly had an influence

the Mary Tyler Moore show. He's the one
who made Mary Tyler Moore Mary Tyler

-less.

And I'm a fine character actor and
comedian, Mr. Ted Knight.

Thank you, Mr. Martin.

You know, I must say, in all candor,
I've been a great admirer of Truman ever

since he beat Dewey.

I'm only kidding. I know you're not the
one who beat Dewey. But your brother,

right?

You know, to look at Truman Capote,
you'd never guess what kind of guy he

is. I mean, on the surface, he seems
like a shy, quiet, introverted

intellectual. Right?

But as we insiders all know, in
actuality...

He's quite different.

Truman Capote is the biggest stud in
Hollywood.

It's true.

They all know this. It's inside.

Raquel Wells calls him her little
chicken delight.

That's because he always delivers.

And who do you think was responsible for
the breakup between Liz and Dick?

Oh, yes. He laughs, but he knows.

Dick was so shocked when he found out
about Liz and Truman.

You know, for ten years, he thought it
was a Mexican hairless lying at the foot

of the bed.

Truman and Devil.

Yes, as every leading lady in Hollywood
knows, Truman Capote is not only

a literary giant.

one of the top literary critics in
America, a great admirer of our Man of

Week. Ladies and gentlemen, from the
Saturday Review of Literature, here's

Roberta Cush.

Thank you, Dean.

And good evening, lovers of
distinguished novels.

Or, as Dean would say, hello, bookies.

was destined to be a novelist. He
learned to write on his mother's knees.

They were very poor and they couldn't
afford paper.

But he is living proof that in America
you can grow up to be anything that you

want. And as a boy, Truman wanted to be
Betty Davis.

But, uh... In reviewing Truman's work, a
critic must learn to read between the

lines because the lines themselves are
so dull.

Now, in your first book, Other Voices,
Other Rooms, you will find 130 of the

most exciting pages that you have ever
read.

And I want to tell you something.

130 out of 1 ,000 is not bad.

The book is self -admittedly an
autobiography of Mr. Capote. And I

like everything in it except the hero.

And Mr. Capote has twice received the O.
Henry Short Story Award.

Mainly because he is the only person
shorter than an O 'Henry bar.

And twice as nutty.

I just finished the galley cruise of
your new book, Truman.

And I want to tell you, I am going right
straight home and burn my library card.

That was Miss Audrey Meadows, a very
funny lady. Thank you, Audrey.

Donald O 'Connor was really born in a
trunk.

He was so young when he went on the
stage that they changed him more often

the scenery.

Ladies and gentlemen, a great performer
and a paid -up member in the Screen

Actors Guild, Mr.

Donald O 'Connor.

Thank you, dear.

Thank you. I just have a few notes here,
ladies and gentlemen.

You know, Truman Capote is known as one
of America's great writers.

He's the man who gave us the wonderful
book of the voices of the rooms, the

story of the Watergate Hotel.

And the literary world will never forget
the grass harp, the story of a crazy

musician who tried to make a musical
instrument out of a funny cigarette.

Of course, you'll always remember
Truman's greatest work in Cold Blood.

where Jack Benny gathers his household
staff together and reads them their

Christmas card.

Then there were the screenplays Truman
created for Pedro's porno productions of

Tijuana.

Tilly and the butler.

Millie and the electrician.

Millie and Tilly and the butler and the
electrician.

Meet Ted and Carol and Bob and Alice. It
was a wonderful time.

However, Truman was forced to quit when
the studio went bankrupt and auctioned

off their entire inventory of masks and
black socks.

I don't know about you, but this is
killing me.

No matter

who...

we're roasting. It's always nice to have
Rich Little with us. He's the best

impressionist there is. Last week, he
did a great impression of Frank Sinatra.

He was going real good until he ran out
of vitamin E.

Thank you, gentlemen.

A wonderful comedian and a great, well,
the greatest, Mr. Rich Little.

Thank you.

Truman Capote has said many times
publicly that actors are not too bright.

Now, maybe the reason for that is that
he has a deep -seated desire to be an

actor himself.

And I'll go along with that.

I mean, I think there's a lot of parts
that Truman here could have played.

For instance, I think he would have made
a very interesting Hamlet.

To be or

not to be.

That's always been my question.

would have made a great Sergeant Striker
in the movie Sands of Iujima.

Unfortunately, it went to an actor by
the name of John Wayne. But to me, it

always be a Truman Capote picture.

All right, men.

Listen and listen tight.

very dangerous mission.

As a matter of fact, it could be quite
nasty.

You're going to hit those beaches.

You're going to hit those beaches and
it's going to be rough and tough all the

way.

This ain't no high school picnic.

It's going to be murder out there.

Golly, I wish I could be going with you.

Thank you.

That's why he's the baby.

Joseph Wambaugh is a Los Angeles police
officer who also writes bestsellers like

The Blue Knight, The New Centurions, and
The Onion Field.

He's so prolific that they just
published all the speeding tickets he's

Ladies and gentlemen, here is badge
number 178, Detective Sergeant Joseph

Wambaugh.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Thank
you, Dean.

Few people know what a warm spot law
enforcement officers have for Dean

seriously.

Whenever we need decorations for a
policeman's ball... We can always stop

the freeway and have him blow up
balloons for us.

But I'm here today to talk about Truman
Capote, and I haven't heard such

tributes to a man's background since I
left the Vice Squad.

Really, I respect Truman Capote. In my
opinion, he's the greatest male literary

figure since Jacqueline Suzanne.

But beyond being the great author and
literary second -guesser, Truman is also

famous for his work in prison reform, as
you all know. He's done many shows from

penal institutions.

He's on such good terms with the
prisoners, he calls them by their first

And all the long -termers in prison say,
I'm in for 20 years to life.

What are you in for?

Truman says, companionship.

Thank you, Rosa.

Truman, a lot of your friends and
admirers couldn't be here tonight, but

sent some wires.

No telegrams, just wires.

Now, the first one says, Dear Mr.
Capote, last year I read your book in

blood, and now that's how I cook
everything, signed Count Dracula.

This next one is from...

Kitty Craft Manufacturing Company. It
reads this, sir.

We are pleased to inform you that we are
naming our new kitty toilet training

device after you. We call it the Truman
Capote.

Ladies, I'm still a champion in my book,
Mr. Rocky Graziano.

Dean, thank you very much. I've been
listening to you talk. I had 125 fights.

Watch your shoes.

I don't stay here with this here, Mr.

Custer, but as a literarian, some of you
literates out there may remember my

first novel, Somebody Up There Likes Me.

My next book is going to be called
Nobody

Down There Likes Me.

as told to Rocky Graziano by Richard
Nixon.

But tonight, I'd like to talk about
another great storyteller, Truman

Look at him. He's so cute.

Look at that baby face.

When I meet him, I want to boip him.

When he first came to me, he wanted to
be a fighter. So I taught him all I know

about alley fighting and street
fighting.

As a result, he decisions three alley
cats and got a drawer with a street

walker.

There's a lot of good writers of
fiction, but nobody handles prose like

except maybe Dean. He went out with a
couple of them the other night.

I got his first draft, and I was
strucken by his subsidary of his style.

the discipline of his dialogue and the
formula of his form.

But I predict great things for the kid.
Someday he's going to win the Pozzola

Prize.

You go over his bibliography and you're
going to admit he's got one of the

greatest bivvies of all time.

In conclusion, I don't care what these
clowns say about you, Truman.

I always thought you were a great
president.

Ladies and gentlemen, here is Grace,
Beauty and Charm, the very talented

actress, Miss Jean Simmons.

Mrs. Truman, who on a TV network said in
cold blood, Actors are dumb and

boring.

I don't know how old you are, love, but

one of your contemporaries, as witty and
wise and just as alive as you are right

now, said, all the world's a stage and
all the men and women merely players.

So, either Truman Capote is one of us
dumb, boring people,

or he'll have to get the hell off this
glorious global stage.

of the penitentiary where Truman has
been conducting his research.

Ladies and gentlemen, would you all
please welcome Warden Foster Brooks.

Thank you very much, Mr. Martin.

Mr. Martin.

Incidentally, your Uncle Rocco sends his
best regards.

I've gotten to know Truman Capote

very,

very well.

Every week he comes to my prison and
talks to my... He talks to... What

do you call him? The fellow who does
that like zebras?

All of

the

prisoners have grown very fond of
Truman.

And they really... love his book.

Especially since we've been having a
shortage of supplies in the washroom.

Now, it doesn't matter who Truman is
interviewing, a mugger,

mugger, an arsonist, a murder, murdered,

murdered, murdered.

asks very searching and penetrating
questions.

Like, if you had your life to live over,
would you live it as a blonde?

But Truman Capote is not only interested
in reporting the facts, he has a deep

humanitarian interest.

In the rehabilitation of all types of
criminals.

I once asked him what he thought I
should do for my pimps.

He

told

me I should try clearasil.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to hear
a few words from our man of the week,

America's giant of the literary world,
Mr.

Truman Capote.

I don't know if you can hear any words
from me at all. I think I should just

rush out there and call my lawyer.

However, to put a good surface on it,
thank you, Mr. Martin, I've enjoyed so

much being your victim of the week.

I understand this part of your program
really goes over big, like a pregnant

woman pole -balling.

Before the show, Mr.

Martin asked me if I'd like to write the
complete story of his sexual prowess,

but I told him I don't write short
stories anymore.

First off, I'd like to acknowledge the
talented Audrey Meadows, who is married

to my friend, the president of
Continental Airlines.

Earlier today, she was wearing brilliant
yellow slack.

Talk about your proud beard with the
golden tail.

And I'm glad to see Joe Wambaugh here
tonight, out of uniform and out of

material, too.

is to meet Bostafruk. Did I get that
right?

Actually, Bostafruk only drinks when
he's worried.

You can tell from his material that he's
going to get bombed right after the

show.

I was with Rocky Graziana.

As you all know, Rocky was the boxer.

I had a boxer once, too, and he also was
quite a drooler.

As you know, Rocky is a wonderful chap.

He made a million dollars fighting. It's
a shame that it cost that much to fix

all those fights.

In conclusion, I'd like to say that
you've all made me feel very much at

My home is in Palm Springs, and nothing
exciting ever happens there either.

people had any sense at all, you'd have
turned your sets out long ago and

started reading my new book, The Dog's
Box.

Thank you and good night.

Well, that's our show for tonight. I
want to thank all my wonderful guests

being here, and a special thanks to Mr.
Truman Capote. As you know, Mr. Capote's

life inspired the TV show, The Waltons.

The story of a poor family living on a
ranch whose one ambition is to beat Flip

Wilson in the ratings.