All language subtitles for dean_martin_peter_marshall

The Dean Martin Celebrity Road, coming
to you from the MGM Grand Hotel in the

entertainment capital of the world, Las
Vegas, Nevada.

Ladies and gentlemen, from the beautiful
Ziegfeld Room, tonight's star -studded

roast has brought together some of the
world's greatest entertainers. They've

come from all over the world to be here
tonight, here in Las Vegas, in person.

Joining Dean Martin as he honors
tonight's very special man of the hour.

Peter Marshall.

With tonight's guests, Vincent Price,
Red Button,

Rose Marie, Karen Valentine, Jimmy
Walker,

Rip Taylor, Paul Wynn, Joey Bishop,

Jaja Gabor, Orson Welles, Jack, Carter,

Foster Brooks, Ed Bluestone, your roast
master, Dean Martin,

and tonight's man of the hour, Peter
Marshall.

looking for an emcee for Hollywood
Squares, Peter was the perfect choice,

because he's the biggest square in
Hollywood.

When he started on that show 11 years
ago, he was a poor unknown.

Now he's a rich unknown.

But, in Peter's defense, I must say, his
show is very popular.

He spends all of his time hosting
Hollywood Squares, and it's driving his

crazy. Every night when Peter is in bed,
he turns to his wife and says,

Remember, when you hear the buzzer, the
game is over.

Ladies and gentlemen, my good buddy, and
he's going to do good, ain't he?

Thank you, Dean.

You're looking good. I haven't seen you
in about a year.

Eyes are nice and clear tonight. What
are you drinking now, Windex?

What has happened to the roast, Dean?

I remember when we honored guys, we
honored guys like Frank Sinatra, Red

Bob Hope. Who are we going to honor the
next time, Mr. Whipple?

I'm going to tell facts.

You know, we don't know each other that
well. We're friends. We're not that

friendly.

Like many people in show business, I eat
out quite often. And in all those years

and in all those restaurants, I take a
note to God. I can honestly say not once

did I ever hear anybody say, let's eat
fast so we can run home and watch Peter

Marshall.

Once I did hear a guy say, if we eat
slow, we could miss Peter Marshall.

I can understand my being here to honor
you. We're like in the same category.

Neither one of us is superstars.

But Orson Welles, and I heard he's going
to be here to honor you.

I couldn't believe what I heard. And I
approached Orson Welles.

And I said, you are here on this roast
with Peter Marshall.

And I found out the reason he's here.
All his life he has wanted to meet Rip

Taylor.

The proof of the matter.

This is not really a roast or a nun.

This is a sympathy banquet.

And he also, this is what you probably
don't know because when you're on

television, there's not too many sex
overtones.

This man, it's not conceit.

You know what I mean? It's not like if
you think he's a sex symbol.

I mean, you know, and I don't want to
destroy an illusion, you know. But I

seen you.

You know, manipulated, right?

I can tell you this from the bottom of
my heart. You couldn't get lucky in a

woman's prison with a fistful of
pardons.

Ladies and gentlemen, our fellow
paisano, Rose.

I'm very, very happy to be here on this
rose for Peter Marshall, and I love

being on Hollywood Squares, except for
one thing.

I mean, actually, every time I'm on
Squares, nobody sees anything but here

right? No, it's just like this, right?

I mean, I could be nude down here and
nobody would know anything.

If only that, nobody would care.

That way you'd get a lot more laughs.

No, but actually, I was a little
reluctant in coming up here to Las Vegas

because Peter said, you've got to come,
Roe. You've just got to come with me.

All expenses paid.

And he was so right, and that's the way
it worked out. After I paid his

expenses, I had to... The

one thing that I've got to say about
Peter that nobody knows. See how sharp

is? Always dressed so sharp. You always
see him looking so sharp with the jacket

and the tie on Hollywood squares.

Right? Over here? Blue jeans and
sneakers.

That's all.

Sometimes, if he dresses up, he wears
brown and white shoes.

One of each.

Oh, but I love him. And I'm very happy
that I came up here to Las Vegas because

the MGM Grand Hotel is absolutely
fantastic.

The service here, in case you didn't
know, is just beautiful.

They come in and they change the soap
twice a day.

While you're using the shower.

And I'll never forget the look on that
bellhop's face, like he never saw a

shower cap before.

But actually, I'm up here for several
reasons. I'm here, first of all, for

Peter, and secondly, and most
importantly, I'm up here looking for a

And I want you to know I gave it my best
shot.

Wore my new coat, expensive dress,
exotic perfume.

Smell it.

Right? Eighty -five bucks an hour.

And it's called Perhaps Later.

I'd say it's for 85 bucks a house. It
should be right now, folks.

Thank you very, very much.

My next guest is that marvelous comedian
and actor, Red Button.

You might think that being very short
and very red -headed would be a

disadvantage to an actor, not to Red. As
a matter of fact, because of the way he

looks, next year Red is starring in his
own TV series. It's called Little Fire

Pug on the Prairie.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr.

Red Button.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Hollywood
Squares is one of the biggest hits

television has ever known.

And so it's only fitting to pay tribute
to a man whose charm, wit,

charisma, and magnetic personality are
responsible for all that

fantastic success.

But enough about Paul Lennon.

to Marshall.

Why? Why are we giving this man a dinner
when some of the biggest people

in the history of the world never got a
dinner?

The bionic man who said to his wife,
what do you mean fix the lamp? I am

the lamp.

The mayor of Hong Kong who said, Can't
work today. Have American flu.

Never got a dinner.

Each huck webbing of Israel.

Who said to Anwar Sadat of Egypt, No,

I don't want to join a pyramid club.

May rest, who said to King Kong.

Hey, big boy, would you like to monkey
around a little bit?

Never got a dinner.

Henry Kissinger, who said to his travel
agent, you heard me, I said Greyhound.

James Cagney, who said to Mickey Marsh,
you dirty rat.

Never got a dinner.

Then her.

Who said to his sister, Ben him.

You want to switch?

Oh, Ben him. Who said to Ben her, if I
do, I'll be Ben gay.

who said to his brother, Jimmy, can you
get me on Hee Haw?

Tell him I've got a dinner.

Our next guest is Jacques Gabor.

Oh, I know it's Zsa Zsa, but it's a long
show and we've got to cut out

something, you know.

Zsa Zsa is a career wife.

She made a career out of being a wife.

However, she still has last year's
husband. She doesn't know that the 77s

out.

is absolutely true.

I believe in marriage.

I don't like casual affairs. With casual
affairs, girls, you have to give back

the diamond.

Also, when a woman is married, she has
an insurance.

Every woman should get a piece of the
rug and put it in a platinum setting.

I can hug the way I feel to a lot of
Hungarian women.

Getting married is a profession.

No, you're using the wrong word. It
means business. Profession means

Jocelyn. Darling, when a hungry woman
goes after a man, that means business.

But I don't become a man marriages for a
living.

Once I was paid $100 ,000 for a book I
wrote that was never published.

I know who pays $100 ,000.

That's right, Dean, darling. But you
spelled your name wrong on the check.

In fact, I always help my husbands.

One husband who married me became a
millionaire.

Yeah, they started out as a billionaire.

There are lots of eligible men these
days.

Like Orson Welles, he make a wonderful
husband.

He's a great Shakespearean actor.

His Twelfth Night was marvelous.

Yeah, his Twelfth Night was marvelous,
but his wife says the first eleven were

nothing.

leave the aisle. Oh, how do all these
people get in my room?

This has been a wonderful... I really
enjoy having Orson Welles on this show,

boy, because I like to listen to him
speak, and I really mean it.

They say that Orson has a voice like
fine wine, and that's another reason I

him.

He is the greatest in the whole world,
Mr. Orson.

Well...

Thank

you. Thank you, Dave.

I must admit that I find myself
fascinated by your voice.

That unique tonal quality that starts in
your diaphragm.

Works its way up through the thoracic
cavity, onto the larynx, past the uvula,

and finally out of your mouth.

Certainly seems like a long way to
travel for a hiccup.

As for you, Peter, I've got to confess
that I'm embarrassed.

I fully intended to write my tribute to
you last night, but Dean asked me to

have dinner with him and a couple of his
friends.

One was a gentleman with a broken nose
and a mustache, and the other had a

normal nose and a broken mustache.

After dinner, we had a few drinks, and
Dean insisted that we just have one more

for the road, and if you know Dean, his
road is U .S. 1 nonstop.

And the gentleman stopped by for a chat,
a Mr.

Knuckles from Detroit.

Dean told me he was in the cement shoe
business.

And he just decided it was a dilemma.

Either go up, write a glowing tribute to
you, or remain there and talk to these

fascinating friends of Dean's.

I found Knuckles perfectly charming, and
an hour later I started my room, and

would you believe it?

As I passed by the crap tables, a man
grabbed me and said, I looked lucky.

He offered me a $5 chip to stand beside
him whenever he rolled the dice, and

there I was in another dilemma.

Go up and write the speech for you, or
stand beside some superstitious gambler

for a paltry $5 chip. It's amazing how
they stack up when a man is on a hot

roll.

By this time, I was guilt -ridden and
was heading for my room when I ran into

Dean again. Actually, I...

Tripped over him.

Dean suggested we go to see the midnight
show in the hotel. It was the same old

dilemma, Peter.

Write your tribute.

Or watch 50 semi -nude girls cavorting
around a stage. Not an easy decision to

make.

I forced myself to go with Dean.

All this led me to, about an hour later,
when I was about to walk into my room,

luckily a maid stopped me and asked me
if I'd help her to make the bed.

Peter, it was the big D time again.

Do your tribute or assist a hotel maid
in her rather routine labors? Peter, I

can't tell you how proud I was of my
hospital corners.

Well, that brings me to this moment. All
I have is the title of my speech.

Who is Peter Marshall?

Ladies and gentlemen, Ripley Taylor.

Hello.

Is it on? Oh, good.

Hello.

I don't dance. This is it for me, kids.

I'm Jimmy Carter. Now Dean drinks a new
drink with martinis with peanuts in it.

Am I going too fast?

Just a second. I have gifts for
everybody this evening. Just a minute.

Oh, you're going to get it. Just stop
it.

Dean and I were drinking last night so
much he made me the captain six -pack of

the year today.

I got gifts for everybody tonight, gifts
for everybody. For Vincent Price, who

played in the motion picture to fly.

Vinnie, your man is open.

For Zsa Zsa Gabor, a drip -dry wedding
veil.

Her friends are giving her a surprise
wedding.

We all have our hang -ups.

Next thing, please, I'm nervous.

Rosemary looking for a man all the time.
Here you are, Rose.

Mickey Rooney's all kidding. Now, wait a
second.

I met my ex -wife outside in the lobby.
She said she wanted a foreign car. I

bought her a rickshaw and a barracuda.

She said she had a facelift.

Facelift? Whenever she sat down, her
mouth snapped shut.

Facelift?

The real reason I'm here is because I
want to get back on Hollywood Squares. I

really do.

Now, I can answer all those dumb
questions. So here, if you're going to

these to me right now, and I'll give you
all the info, then I'll be back on the

show real fast. All right. You ready?
Thank you so much. You ready for me to

read? They're written in Braille, so you
can see. Go ahead. All right.

Say, Rip, what is yellow and where is a
mask?

The lone lemon.

I was just teasing.

Look at all your names.

And I'm going to laugh during
acupuncture, for goodness sake.

Yes. What rings the doorbell and then
knocks the door in?

An Avon gorilla.

Keep that. This is my life.

Thank you. Third question. Yes, go
ahead, quick. Why do women live longer

men? That's easy, because they're not
married to women.

because he's a very dear friend of mine
and thank you for having me here. This

is King Kong's Q -tip. Thank you very
much.

Our next guest is an epicure.

None of you know what that means, you
know.

an art critic, and a kind of sewer.

A kind of sewer?

No, a connoisseur.

Mr. Vincent Price.

Thank you, Dean. It's indeed a pleasure
for me to be on this desk.

and I hope you all appreciate it.

But it is.

I never knew I had so many inferiors.

What a group.

Completely devoid of culture.

They have no savoir faire, and I doubt
if they even have bus fare.

You take Jimmy Walker.

Why, you'd hardly call him a dilettante,
really. Just look at him, huh?

Shampoos his hair with woolite.

His measurements are 36, 22, 36, and
those are just his lips.

When I agreed to come here tonight, they
assured me that I would be amongst my

peers.

Some peers I seem to have wound up down
at the docks.

Have you ever seen so many cultural
dropouts in your life? I mean, really,

Charlie, I don't think anybody here has
any feeling for music, literature, for

Shakespeare. I dare say nobody here can
interpret the immortal words to be or

not to be.

I know to be or not to be.

That's somebody trying to make up his
mind about a sex change operation.

Any way you decide will be an
improvement.

How many of you are acquainted with the
deathless poem of Elizabeth Barrett

Browning? How do I love thee? Let me
count the ways.

At your age, there ain't too many left,
baby.

Why are we honoring

a clod?

Can you tell me?

You know, I mean, who knows nothing
about the art of the bubbly, about

champagne? I doubt if he even knows the
difference between red wine and white

wine. There's no difference. I fall down
from both.

In closing, I'd just like to say one
thing, Peter.

One thing. Now that you're a star, you
should acquire an appreciation of art,

like me.

I see beauty everywhere. To me, an
antique chair is exciting.

A petit point tapestry is thrilling.

A renaissance table makes me quiver with
ecstasy.

You must have a crazy mixed -up love
life, baby.

Oh,

by the way, Peter, I saw your Las Vegas
act, and you definitely have a future in

nightclubs.

Yes, another day or two at the most.

Next young lady, she's the beautiful

actress and television star who won an
Emmy on the show Room 2 -2 -2.

Ladies and gentlemen, the darling of
Hollywood Squares, Miss Karen Valentine.

Well,

we can tell who the secret square is
tonight.

You're lit.

I'm surprised you remember me from room
222.

Oh, yeah, I remember the room. It's the
motel I keep forgetting.

I'm really glad you're kidding, because,
you know, my mother's watching.

She's been looking forward to this.

But she thought we were honoring E .G.
Marshall.

Sorry, Peter.

But she doesn't really like Hollywood
Squares.

She thinks it's very, very racy and
suggestive.

She's right.

You know, every time I think I've
learned the facts of life, Paul Lynn

with another one.

One time he made a crack so terrible, so
dirty that Charo blushed.

She turned red and she was speechless
for about 10 minutes.

That was a first.

And when the voice came back, it was in
perfect English.

We could understand her, but she didn't
know what the hell she was talking

about.

And Hollywood Squares is really rough on
a girl. Boy, you've got to watch the

guys every minute.

Last week, I kept getting pinched by
George Gobel.

And he was sitting two squares away and
in another row.

But I have to say, Vincent Price, he is
always a gentleman.

He is.

Well, you know, he's done so many horror
movies, he just crawls into his box and

lies down.

The real Peter, I do admire you. Thank
you. Very much.

Thank you. You know, 11 years on
Hollywood Squares, and he never gets

doing the show.

He still comes into the studio two hours
early.

to relearn the rules, and to rehearse
his ad -libs.

But his famous smile, he doesn't have to
rehearse that.

You know, that smile comes from his
warmth and his love of life and his

overbite.

And I'm being tactful.

Paul Lynn always calls him Beaver Face.

Hey, you know, we got a new comedian on
the dais here, Ed Bluestone.

Ed is what people call a rising star.

And if you want to see a falling star,
meet me at the bar after the show.

Ladies and gentlemen, the great, young,
funny man, Ed Bluestone!

I was thrilled to be invited here. It's
a great privilege to honor Peter

Marshall.

Peter's career began 25 years ago when a
high school guidance counselor told him

that the only thing he was capable of
doing was playing tic -tac -toe.

Peter's an extraordinary man. He's the
only host on television who needs nine

-hosts to make his show amusing.

It was never easy for Peter Marshall. He
started out as a singer.

He became known as a guy who sang from
the heart, which is very necessary when

you haven't got a voice.

Now those years of struggle are paying
off.

In fact, this hotel wants Peter to sing
in the lounge.

Now he's waiting to find out if it's the
men's or the women's.

We've all been so excited about roasting
Peter.

that last night Dean threw a party for
everyone.

Dean was so drunk he thought he was Zsa
Zsa's first four husbands.

Dean gets like that. There's a famous
story about Dean. He was once stopped by

cop while he was driving, and when the
cop asked Dean to blow up a balloon,

said, not only will I blow up your
balloon, I'll buy you ice cream.

Vincent's always experimenting in the
kitchen. I remember once I was working

Florida. I sent Vincent two baby
alligators as a gift.

He threw them in a blender and tried to
make Gatorade.

Jaja is known for her wonderful acting
ability and legendary generosity.

She's been feeding the poor people of
Hungary for years.

She keeps sending them her wedding
cakes.

And if it weren't for Peter Marshall, we
would not be roasting one of the nicest

guys I know. And I'd like to thank Peter
for being such a good sport and thank

all of you. Thank you.

Peter, I don't think you've seen this
man since he, you know, retired from

The former vice president and the
executive who created Hollywood Square.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr.

Todfin Quigley.

One nice thing about being retired.

Retired. Boy.

One nice thing about being retired.
Retired. You've got time for foolishness

like this.

Well, I must admit, Peter, my heart.

Peter.

Peter, my heart.

Our guest tonight.

Has been an entertainer for 30 years.

He's made nightclub appearances.

He's made Broadway shows.

He's made hundreds of TV programs and
several housewives who were contestants

his program.

And it's truly remarkable, through all
this, his timex is still ticking.

Some of those housewives say that's
about the only thing you have to say.

A hit game show must have something for
everyone.

Adults. Children.

Degenerate.

Pervert.

And network censored.

Oh, I mentioned them.

In the earth? In the earth?

At the start of

game shows, the prizes weren't anything
to shout about.

There were no furs.

No cars. No cars.

No free vacations. The biggest prize we
ever gave was a halfway trip around the

world.

That poor woman is still in Bangkok
trying to get on a game show.

I just

noticed, you know,

when you smile, you have a very...

Pretty teeth.

Most Hollywood actors have their teeth
capped. He has his corked.

I don't know how many of you had the
pleasure of missing

Peter's nightclub act.

But I can tell you when he sings, that
also is a game.

Off -key so much the audience has to
play, name that tune.

All his life, Peter Marshall has loved
to play games.

On his honeymoon, his wife had to wear a
nightie marked door number three.

But seriously, Peter Marshall is
handsome.

He has sex appeal.

And above all, he's honest and everybody
loves him.

That's not only my opinion.

It's his, too.

Here's that talented new comedian from
the Good Times show. Now, I've seen thin

guys, but he looks like a prematurely
born Tootsie Roll.

Ladies and gentlemen, here he is, Freddy
Walker.

And

so

Peter got his own game show.

He was Hollywood's most secret square.

He said someday he'd like to switch and
be seated in a square.

Then he was reminded they're only
reserved for celebrities.

Peter really likes being recognized on
the street, though. Fans come right up

him and ask him for Paul Linton's
autograph.

Peter is a great host. He always tries
to put the celebrities at ease.

Like once, Jar Jar Cabal was having a
hard time coming up with an answer.

said, just say the first thing that pops
into your mind.

Jar Jar said, I do.

He asked Vincent Price to be on his
variety show. Vincent said he was

doing horror shows.

Dr. Spock won't be on the show. He said
the show was too childish.

And Henry Block of H &R Block said he
had 17 reasons why he wouldn't do the

show.

is the cab driver who often takes Peter
to and from his show.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Harry Buttoff.

Glad you see my driving teacher here,
Foster Brooke.

I had a choice of driving a cab in Guam
or coming here and I had to think about

it.

It's terrific to be here to honor a Ted
Mack loser.

I go back to what Peter, when he first
started as a singer, he sang at a

veteran's hospital.

He sang for an old soldier for over an
hour.

Then he said to him, I hope you get
better. The old man said, you too.

Mr. Price, I always feel like you're
going to play the organ while the

are burning.

I like to see Forster almost here.

Just because you have red eyes don't
mean you're a drunk. You could be a

rabbit.

How can you forget red buttons? They
gave me five Indian pennies for a tip.

Look at red hair. Natural, except for
the color.

But I love this man.

Sayonara, the man got the Academy Award
for that. He had the right idea of

marrying a Japanese girl.

Of course, they're faithful, delicate.
Your mother -in -law lives in Tokyo.

Peter, I saw your new show, and I want
to tell you something.

Is there no beginning to your talent?

Peter, I want to say something. You're
an inspiration to a lot of guys,

especially me. After seeing what you've
done with your career for 20 years, I

don't mind driving a cab. Thank you very
much.

Well, that's tonight.

A bright young entertainer, whom I'm
sure you've all seen many times on the

Hollywood Squares.

His name is Waylon Flower, and he's
brought along his crazy

creation, a lady he calls... Madam.

Sit down, sit down, sit down, sit down.

There's my bucket.

Oh,

dear. It's an ice bucket. I hope they
didn't leave the ice in it.

Keep my buns warm.

Good evening, everybody. My name is
Madam, and I'm an alcoholic.

Oh, zippity -doo -dah, look at this one.
Come on, big boy, get it on.

Give me some of that amore you've been
promising me all these years.

Adam, you're a doll.

I may be a doll, but I ain't no dummy.

Oh, come on, Tucker, I'm blowing my ear.

Oh, don't hold back, sweetheart.

You know, you could be my last great
love.

And the shape he's in, I could be his.

this is the third turkey I've roasted
this season.

And it's not even a holiday.

I just realized all the times I've been
on Hollywood Squares, it's always been

me sitting in the wine rack.

And you down in that great big chair.

This is the first chance I've ever had
to get a close look at you.

And you know what? What? You're just as
I thought. What?

Clean cut, honest, and dull.

Friends, I'm the sharpest of Hollywood
squares.

The irrepressible Paul Lynde.

I really fussed for you, beaver face.

Thank you, Dean, for the way you're
acting up here.

You're going to do something about your
drinking.

It's just booze, booze, booze.

It's disgusting.

Can you believe this, ladies and
gentlemen? It's not enough that they

these bars and cocktail lounges all over
town.

Dean went to a swine flu vaccination
clinic because they heard they were

away free shots.

It's a great pleasure for me to be here
to honor Peter.

As you know, folks, he and I have been
on Hollywood Squares together for a long

time.

I'll tell you how long. When we started
working together, Karen Valentine was

still on soft food.

That's why, because of our long
association, I'm incensed at the barrage

remarks that have been hurled at Peter
this evening.

They've been vicious.

They've been obnoxious.

And they've been hilarious.

I happen to know Peter as a brilliant
conversationalist. I was with him at a

very posh party in Beverly Hills.

And I saw Peter go right up to Henry
Kissinger and say, How are you, Henry?

And Mr. Kissinger said, I'm fine.

And Peter said, That's right. X gets the
square.

When I perform on myself, I just can't
stand the way Peter's singing and

have been maligned.

Why, when he sings that Mother McCree, I
cry.

It's that... Before I go, Peter, I just
want to tell you something.

Everybody's been putting you down
tonight, and of course they really don't

it.

I do.

I just returned from Florida after a
long run.

He missed the bus.

There he is, ladies and gentlemen.

I love him.

And you're going to love him. Mr. Jack
Carter.

Strange how all these game show hosts
and announcers all want to be

entertainers. They all want to do
variety and sing and dance. Peter, why

you be content with what you are?

Nothing.

Just a lucky usher.

But this is really a weird evening. I
think this whole night came from Vincent

Price's wax museum.

Good to see you, Vince. I didn't
recognize you. Sitting up after five o

usually you're dead by now.

And Georgia, whom I've been sitting next
to all night, hearing things as, What

did he say, darling? I can't hear damn
right.

What's going on? I don't know. I think I
lost a stone. I don't know.

What a pity that some of the great old
MGM stars like Clark Gable couldn't have

been here tonight.

He'd have been marvelous just saying,
Yeah, great to be here.

Great to be here with old Tito, my old
pally drinking buddy.

Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn.

Not bad. If you were doing Mickey
Rooney, that would be nice.

And how about Richard Burton, star of
Stage, Screen, and Booze?

Oh, it's somebody paging me.

I can't conceive of a man of your
dimension, your intellect, coming to

testimonial dressed in such an ill
-fitting tuxedo. You should get a new

This tailor, God, I knew him.

And then, of course, the great Winston
Churchill might have enjoyed this

much better than I.

Had he been here to say, Ash, knowing
that Peter is an American truly makes

England's finest hour.

And as I look about in this disgusting
evening tonight, I can only say one

thing. Never have so many said so much
about a man who deserves so little.

A lot of people want to know if that's
really the color of Dean's hair. Well,

all I know is the last time Dean went
for a swim in the ocean, 50 ,000 tuna

were washed on shore with Grecian
formula poisoning.

Vincent, as you know, is a renowned
collector. He collects art, he collects

sculpture, and if it weren't for my
show, he'd be collecting unemployment.

And many of you wonder why Rose Marie,
my lovely friend, Rose Marie doesn't use

her last name.

Well, her parents insisted on it.

And you either hate Paul Lind or you
love him. I happen to love him.

Counting Paul, that makes two of us.

Paul's had three television series, and
they've all been canceled, which shows

you that the public has taste after all.

Rip is very depressed.

Oh, poor baby. Very depressed. He just
got turned down as a regular on Sesame

Street. They said his material was too
immature.

We're lucky to have Georgia with us
tonight. She's between honeymoons.

And red buttons are still working.

Who says people in show business aren't
charitable?

And they say imitation is the sincerest
form of flattery.

I don't know if you're aware of this,
Jack Carter, but in all of show

there's not one person doing an
imitation of you.

And I want to thank Jackie Gale for
appearing here this evening.

You know, he received some very, very
bad news later, I mean, a little

and he showed up anyway.

You see, they found traces of freshness
in his act.

But all in all, being a mental
masochist, I really enjoyed this

dear friends on the dais, and Dean, I
thank you for one of the fun evenings of

my life. Thank you very much.