All language subtitles for dean_martin_mr_t_1984

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:18,820 The Dean Martin Celebrity Rose comes to you from the fabulous MGM Grand Hotel in 2 00:00:18,820 --> 00:00:22,460 the entertainment capital of the world, Las Vegas, Nevada. 3 00:00:26,020 --> 00:00:29,740 Ladies and gentlemen, from the beautiful, world -famous Celebrity Room, 4 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:34,600 tonight's star -studded rose has brought together some truly great entertainers. 5 00:00:35,420 --> 00:00:39,980 Join Dean Martin as he honors tonight's very special man of the year. 6 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:41,640 Mr. T. 7 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:50,980 With tonight's guests, Bob Holt, Gerd 8 00:00:50,980 --> 00:00:57,360 Kapar, Don Rickles, Gary Coleman, Nell Carter, 9 00:00:57,900 --> 00:01:01,520 Ann Jillian, Gavin McCloud, 10 00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:09,060 Ricky Schroeder, Howard Cosell, Rick Little, Maureen 11 00:01:09,060 --> 00:01:10,060 Murphy. 12 00:01:10,380 --> 00:01:16,980 Red Button, Ditchon, Slappy White, and your Roastmaster, 13 00:01:17,220 --> 00:01:18,220 Dean Martin. 14 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:23,140 With tonight's Man of the Year, Mr. 15 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:24,440 T! 16 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:46,820 Well, tonight we're all gathered here at the beautiful MGM Hotel in Las Vegas to 17 00:01:46,820 --> 00:01:52,160 pay tribute to one of television's most popular and dynamic personalities. 18 00:01:52,420 --> 00:01:54,760 From the A -team, Mr. T. 19 00:01:55,100 --> 00:02:00,440 On these roasts, we generally acknowledge people who have made it to 20 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:01,600 Well, Mr. 21 00:02:01,820 --> 00:02:03,800 T sure qualifies on that score. 22 00:02:04,020 --> 00:02:05,020 He's a star. 23 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:09,220 And his show is always up there in the top two or three. 24 00:02:09,479 --> 00:02:13,980 Mr. T is a very compassionate man and a real hero to kids. 25 00:02:14,180 --> 00:02:16,500 And he always brings them a message of hope. 26 00:02:16,940 --> 00:02:18,800 He's tough. He's tender. 27 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:20,080 He's terrific. 28 00:02:21,020 --> 00:02:23,080 Get a load of the size of this guy. 29 00:02:24,380 --> 00:02:25,740 I'm not going to mess with him. 30 00:02:26,620 --> 00:02:28,320 He can wrestle. He can fight. 31 00:02:28,540 --> 00:02:31,160 And he's also a master of karate. 32 00:02:31,420 --> 00:02:33,800 I know you've got a black belt, but... 33 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:35,520 Why do you have to wear it on your head? 34 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,500 He's not getting up, is he? 35 00:02:39,820 --> 00:02:40,820 Is he getting up? 36 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:48,840 Not getting up, is he? Our guest of honor, a really success story. He was 37 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:51,820 in Chicago and came from a very large family. 38 00:02:52,140 --> 00:02:54,020 His mother had 11 children. 39 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:55,780 He was four of them. 40 00:03:00,460 --> 00:03:02,020 Winning Mr. T is tough. 41 00:03:02,590 --> 00:03:05,550 His brother once ran off and married a tractor. 42 00:03:07,450 --> 00:03:12,650 He's a great believer in clean living. He doesn't smoke, he doesn't drink, and 43 00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:15,270 he doesn't party. No wonder he's so mean. 44 00:03:17,590 --> 00:03:20,590 But we've got to give him credit. He came a long way. 45 00:03:20,830 --> 00:03:27,310 Today he owns two homes, one in Beverly Hills, one at the beach, and he has two 46 00:03:27,310 --> 00:03:29,610 Volkswagens, one for each foot. 47 00:03:34,670 --> 00:03:38,490 There's a little hunk of dynamite on television whose comedy hit Different 48 00:03:38,490 --> 00:03:42,790 Strokes has been making millions of viewers happy for a long time. 49 00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:49,630 Ladies and gentlemen, the dynamic, the delightful, Mr. Gary Coleman. 50 00:04:01,390 --> 00:04:04,190 When I received my invitation to come here tonight, I got real excited. 51 00:04:04,650 --> 00:04:08,550 Because since I started watching A -Team, Mr. T has been my idol. 52 00:04:09,410 --> 00:04:13,830 So much so that I'm not waiting until I'm all grown up to be like him. 53 00:04:14,110 --> 00:04:16,630 I'm going to be like him right now. 54 00:04:30,999 --> 00:04:32,480 The pocket size. 55 00:04:37,340 --> 00:04:38,360 Yes, sir. 56 00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:41,300 Mr. C is going to be just as bad as Mr. 57 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:45,380 T. That's what I told my mother at breakfast this morning when she brought 58 00:04:45,380 --> 00:04:46,380 that oatmeal. 59 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,200 I said, take it back. 60 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:49,640 I'm tough. 61 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,340 I want my oatmeal with lunch. 62 00:04:56,160 --> 00:05:01,630 Even at school, when the teacher asked me to wash the blackboard, I said, what 63 00:05:01,630 --> 00:05:05,230 for? The more I wash it, the blacker it gets. 64 00:05:09,670 --> 00:05:12,370 That's why I run my own life like you do. 65 00:05:12,930 --> 00:05:14,210 I don't listen to nobody. 66 00:05:14,550 --> 00:05:17,490 No way, no time, no how. 67 00:05:21,650 --> 00:05:24,750 Take that drink out your hand and pay attention to what I'm saying. 68 00:05:26,830 --> 00:05:29,350 I just want to be a big man like you. 69 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:46,680 Ladies and gentlemen, A. 70 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:48,120 Jillian. 71 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:03,260 What muscles? I mean, the man has muscles on his muscles. 72 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,600 Nancy Reagan sat on his lap and bruised her dress. 73 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:16,260 team is so violent that NBC had to put on Saint Elsewhere just to handle the 74 00:06:16,260 --> 00:06:17,260 casualties. 75 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:22,780 But, Mr. T, you know, you must be doing something right because your show is a 76 00:06:22,780 --> 00:06:23,780 great success. 77 00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:27,940 Week in and week out your band of vigilantes blow up buildings, highways, 78 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:32,360 bridges. Why, I just read where Russia wants to sign a separate peace treaty 79 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:33,360 with the A -Team. 80 00:06:34,860 --> 00:06:38,040 And, Mr. T, you know, every time I watch your show, there you are. 81 00:06:38,380 --> 00:06:42,820 Running your car up on a sidewalk, knocking over fire hydrants, crashing 82 00:06:42,820 --> 00:06:46,400 store windows, and for this they pay you huge sums of money. 83 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:50,420 Gee, I feel sorry for the New York cabbies. They do the same thing for 84 00:06:52,260 --> 00:06:57,500 But I know, Mr. T, that your famous scowl and your intimidating image is all 85 00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:58,500 play acting. 86 00:06:58,540 --> 00:07:03,660 Inside that hulking, muscular body, there's a little boy just waiting to 87 00:07:03,660 --> 00:07:05,800 out and beat up on Gary Coleman. 88 00:07:15,340 --> 00:07:16,400 with the red button. 89 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,000 Yeah. 90 00:07:26,660 --> 00:07:28,660 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm with the B team. 91 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,180 I'm here tonight to ask one question. 92 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:36,680 And one question alone. 93 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:38,640 Why? 94 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:44,560 Why are we giving this man a dinner and some of the biggest people? 95 00:07:45,450 --> 00:07:46,670 In the history of the world. 96 00:07:47,450 --> 00:07:48,450 Never got a dinner. 97 00:07:51,550 --> 00:07:52,550 Adam. 98 00:07:54,210 --> 00:07:58,090 Adam who said to Eve in the Garden of Eden, what do you mean you got nothing 99 00:07:58,090 --> 00:07:59,090 wear? 100 00:08:02,110 --> 00:08:03,110 Never got a dinner. 101 00:08:06,310 --> 00:08:10,770 Noah who said to his travel agent, how come it never rains on Love Boat? 102 00:08:18,299 --> 00:08:21,500 Christopher, who said, where can I buy a Frank Sinatra medal? 103 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:35,539 Sitting Bull, who said to General Custer, that's not my real name, but 104 00:08:35,539 --> 00:08:37,940 going to listen to an Indian chief named Iving? 105 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:46,000 Elizabeth Taylor, who said to Joan Rivers, first we'll eat, then we'll 106 00:08:51,850 --> 00:08:52,950 said when he delivered Mr. 107 00:08:53,230 --> 00:08:54,590 T. He slapped me. 108 00:09:00,810 --> 00:09:01,810 Never. 109 00:09:02,210 --> 00:09:03,210 Never. 110 00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:04,610 Never does it. 111 00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:15,930 Michelangelo's girlfriend who said to Angelo, forget the paint. Let's put a 112 00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:16,930 mirror on the ceiling. 113 00:09:25,420 --> 00:09:29,560 who said on their honeymoon, this is your third blooper tonight? 114 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:50,680 One of the highlights of any roast is the appearance of the man of a thousand 115 00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:51,680 voices. 116 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:54,360 They shall hear you. 117 00:09:54,830 --> 00:09:55,830 And he's the greatest. 118 00:09:56,070 --> 00:10:00,470 And I'm talking about the greatest impressionist who always makes a great 119 00:10:00,470 --> 00:10:04,390 impression. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Rich Little. 120 00:10:13,750 --> 00:10:19,470 It's amazing how many celebrities are aware of Mr. 121 00:10:19,690 --> 00:10:20,690 T's popularity. 122 00:10:20,770 --> 00:10:21,970 For instance... 123 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:24,240 President Ronald Reagan. 124 00:10:30,220 --> 00:10:36,940 Well, I'm delighted to 125 00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:38,020 be here tonight. 126 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:42,320 The last time that I saw Mr. 127 00:10:42,580 --> 00:10:49,220 T, he was playing Santa Claus at the White House, if you'll pardon the 128 00:10:49,220 --> 00:10:50,220 expression. 129 00:10:54,280 --> 00:11:00,260 You know, I must admit that when I saw Nancy sitting in his lap, 130 00:11:00,500 --> 00:11:03,420 I was a bit upset. 131 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:08,820 As a matter of fact, I turned to what's -his -name, the vice president. 132 00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:17,540 Another personality that's aware of Mr. 133 00:11:17,740 --> 00:11:18,940 T is Mr. 134 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,280 John Houseman. 135 00:11:26,730 --> 00:11:33,170 My name is John Houseman, actor, 136 00:11:33,850 --> 00:11:35,210 producer, 137 00:11:35,930 --> 00:11:39,670 and hamburger salesman. 138 00:11:43,590 --> 00:11:50,390 It's the first time that I've ever met Mr. T before 139 00:11:50,390 --> 00:11:51,390 in my life. 140 00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:52,690 However, 141 00:11:53,870 --> 00:11:59,950 I did have a chance last week to watch his acting techniques 142 00:11:59,950 --> 00:12:02,770 on the A -Team. 143 00:12:03,730 --> 00:12:10,410 I've come to the conclusion that the man makes money the old -fashioned way. 144 00:12:12,710 --> 00:12:13,710 Deals. 145 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,780 Rodney Dangerfield is aware of Mr. 146 00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:28,980 T. 147 00:12:30,940 --> 00:12:33,140 Hey, hey, what a crowd, what a crowd. 148 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:36,320 I got no respect, you know what I mean? No respect. 149 00:12:37,140 --> 00:12:40,360 Do you know I was the first choice to play Mr. T in the A -Team? 150 00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:44,360 I went to the director and I said, hey, I'm the toughest guy in Hollywood. 151 00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:49,260 First day on the set, I crushed 2 ,000 pounds of steel with my bare hands. 152 00:12:49,980 --> 00:12:52,300 I drove the director's car into a stone wall. 153 00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:57,560 No respect. 154 00:12:57,900 --> 00:13:01,420 When they asked me to blow up a bus, blow up a bus, I burnt my lips on the 155 00:13:01,420 --> 00:13:02,420 exhaust pipe. 156 00:13:05,060 --> 00:13:06,060 Fine. 157 00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:16,400 I would like to call on probably my favorite performer of all time, Kermit 158 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:17,400 Frog. 159 00:13:18,900 --> 00:13:20,360 Wait a second. 160 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:21,840 Wait a second here. 161 00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:26,370 Rich. How are you going to read the cue cards if you're standing like that? 162 00:13:28,550 --> 00:13:30,870 Never mind. I'll read them for you. 163 00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:33,350 Hi. I'll read them for you, too, Gene. 164 00:13:37,990 --> 00:13:39,390 Green eyes for red eyes. 165 00:13:42,710 --> 00:13:43,710 That's the key. 166 00:13:44,730 --> 00:13:46,390 Gosh, look at the size of this guy. 167 00:13:47,230 --> 00:13:49,690 You sure you don't sell shade for a living? 168 00:13:53,209 --> 00:13:56,890 Would you stand up here a second? Just stand up here a second. 169 00:13:57,350 --> 00:13:58,350 Wait. 170 00:13:59,430 --> 00:14:04,070 Listen, Miss Piggy was going to be here tonight, but she's a little upset with 171 00:14:04,070 --> 00:14:05,070 you. 172 00:14:05,390 --> 00:14:07,350 See, you stole something of hers. 173 00:14:08,750 --> 00:14:09,750 Do you remember this? 174 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:39,440 And that Myers couldn't be here tonight, so they sent some wires. 175 00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:45,580 And I'd like to read a few of them to you. This one is from Walter Mondale. 176 00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:51,260 Dear Mr. T, how much would you charge to kick the right stuff out of John Glenn? 177 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:59,300 This is from the brokerage firm of E .F. Hutton. Dear Mr. 178 00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:02,460 T, when you talk, we even listen. 179 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:11,320 This is from the doorman at the MGM. Dear Ricky Schroeder, please come to the 180 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,260 front desk. Your roller skates are illegally parked. 181 00:15:18,420 --> 00:15:22,720 Now I'd like to do my impression of Cary Grant sneezing. 182 00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:25,100 Cheers. 183 00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:43,710 years back, starred in a great movie called The Champ, and who now has his 184 00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:46,110 TV series called Silver Spoons. 185 00:15:46,430 --> 00:15:49,870 Let's welcome the talented Ricky Schroeder. 186 00:16:00,390 --> 00:16:04,310 I'm here tonight because I'm a fan of Mr. T, and I appreciate all he's done 187 00:16:04,310 --> 00:16:05,289 us kids. 188 00:16:05,290 --> 00:16:09,130 Wherever he goes, he preaches decency, dignity, and love of learning to young 189 00:16:09,130 --> 00:16:13,110 people. As a matter of fact, he's even come out with his own version of the 190 00:16:13,110 --> 00:16:17,290 -known children's fairy tales, written in his own personal style, so that kids 191 00:16:17,290 --> 00:16:18,850 in his old neighborhood can still relate to them. 192 00:16:19,190 --> 00:16:20,750 I thought maybe I'd read one of them tonight. 193 00:16:22,930 --> 00:16:26,750 Once upon a time in the south side of Chicago, there was a foxy little lady by 194 00:16:26,750 --> 00:16:28,070 the name of Little Red Riding Hood. 195 00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,910 One night while she was sitting home with her ghetto blaster on, 196 00:16:35,050 --> 00:16:39,450 for the latest Motown hit, Luciano Pavarotti sings the best of the 197 00:16:41,630 --> 00:16:44,810 Her mama said, Hey, Red, your grandmother's feeling kind of poorly. 198 00:16:45,110 --> 00:16:46,890 So why don't you take her to this basket of food? 199 00:16:47,230 --> 00:16:51,070 It's got some fine chicken necks, hog maws, okra, and grits. 200 00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:54,470 Grits, says little Red? 201 00:16:54,630 --> 00:16:55,630 How many? 202 00:16:55,690 --> 00:16:57,370 How do I know how many, said her mother? 203 00:16:57,590 --> 00:16:59,050 There must be millions of those little things. 204 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,560 and picked up the bat and cut out for Granny's pad. 205 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:14,619 But unbeknownst to Little Red, a big, bad wolf, a crude and rude dude, if 206 00:17:14,619 --> 00:17:18,560 ever was one, had been following her fine frame all the way. 207 00:17:21,859 --> 00:17:25,900 See, she got the granny before she did, so when Little Red entered the room, 208 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,120 there was the wolf already in bed, dressed like her sweet, loving 209 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,720 Why, Granny, said Little Red, what big eyes you have. 210 00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:35,920 The better to dig your very mod bods, said the wolf. 211 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:38,940 What a big nose you have. 212 00:17:39,340 --> 00:17:41,160 The better to pick up your fine perfume. 213 00:17:41,820 --> 00:17:43,080 Ham hocks number five. 214 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:53,440 But by now, Little Red was getting hip to this whole scene, and she warned the 215 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,380 wolf. You come near me, and I'm going to call the police. 216 00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:05,900 neighborhood? 217 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,820 How are they going to know it's a black neighborhood, asked Little Red. 218 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,200 You call them the police and they'll know. 219 00:18:18,060 --> 00:18:21,940 Just as the wolf was about to make a move on Little Red, came the sound of 220 00:18:21,940 --> 00:18:27,200 thunder and Mr. T, the Southside Superman, better known as the Incredible 221 00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:30,300 came crashing through the back door. 222 00:18:30,620 --> 00:18:32,760 Actually, there was no back door at the time, but he made one. 223 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:35,780 Mr. T just stood there looking mean. 224 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:39,600 And with one mighty blow, he slam -dunked that wolf into eternity. 225 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:43,020 With one shot, he made Wolf jerky out of that turkey. 226 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:48,840 Mr. T had saved the day and once again proved that crime doesn't pay. 227 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,220 From that time on, a legend has grown in the ghetto. 228 00:18:52,820 --> 00:18:56,560 They say on nights when the moon is full on Hawkins, the cold wind from the 229 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,240 north comes whistling over Lake Michigan. 230 00:18:58,780 --> 00:19:02,860 You can still hear that panic -stricken wolf crying, Please, Lord! 231 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:24,360 I look forward to being here this evening so I could introduce our next 232 00:19:24,900 --> 00:19:28,980 He's done it all. The stage, the screen, television. 233 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:36,460 He's touched us all in good times and bad with a miracle that has kept America 234 00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:37,460 going. 235 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:44,040 Laughter. Ladies and gentlemen, my good friend and certainly yours, Mr. 236 00:19:44,260 --> 00:19:45,260 Bob Hope. 237 00:19:54,190 --> 00:19:57,570 Thank you, Dan. I'm so glad to be here, and it's such a thrill to get such a 238 00:19:57,570 --> 00:20:00,390 glowing introduction from a host with a glow on. 239 00:20:03,330 --> 00:20:04,970 I am so happy to be here. 240 00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:09,390 When Mr. T invited me to be a guest at his roast, I couldn't turn him down. 241 00:20:09,630 --> 00:20:12,350 That's because he's one of NBC's hottest new stars. 242 00:20:12,830 --> 00:20:17,070 He's a great guy, and I prefer to have knees that bend in only one direction. 243 00:20:20,390 --> 00:20:22,710 No, he's hot. All the talk shows want him. 244 00:20:23,070 --> 00:20:24,530 Merv wants him to talk to him. 245 00:20:24,910 --> 00:20:26,570 Letterman wants him to talk to him. 246 00:20:26,770 --> 00:20:29,210 And Johnny Carson wants him to talk to Joanna. 247 00:20:31,890 --> 00:20:35,610 Now, Mr. T did our show in Hawaii, and I found we have quite a bit in common. 248 00:20:35,890 --> 00:20:38,310 We agree on almost everything except barbers. 249 00:20:40,830 --> 00:20:44,810 And what a welcome we got when we landed in Honolulu. They put a layer on Mr. 250 00:20:44,990 --> 00:20:46,390 T's neck, and he ate it. 251 00:20:49,030 --> 00:20:51,450 He got a lot of money for us for doing that show, too. 252 00:20:51,740 --> 00:20:54,060 That's because his fist is as big as my agent. 253 00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:02,180 We handled Mr. T very delicately on the show, especially after I found out where 254 00:21:02,180 --> 00:21:03,620 all the gold he wears comes from. 255 00:21:04,540 --> 00:21:05,540 Comedian's teeth. 256 00:21:08,140 --> 00:21:11,860 Now, he's an intimidating young man. When we were in Hawaii, I took him to a 257 00:21:11,860 --> 00:21:15,120 luau, and when we sat down, the pig choked on the apple. 258 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,240 Kidding. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body. 259 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:24,520 It's all gristle. 260 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:29,520 He's got muscles in places where I don't even have places. 261 00:21:32,420 --> 00:21:36,960 And I wouldn't say Mr. T was brave, but he once ran into a burning building and 262 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:38,540 bodily dragged out six men. 263 00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:41,040 Unfortunately, they were firemen. 264 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,400 And I love the way you style your hair. 265 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:50,640 Looks like a skid mark from a Greyhound bus. 266 00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:56,280 I'll tell you, he's mean. 267 00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:59,900 That feather hanging from his ear used to be the NBC peacock. 268 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:06,140 Now, he was always tough. When he was 18, he got a job driving a bus. 269 00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:09,820 So powerful, he used to change tires without jacking up the bus. 270 00:22:14,140 --> 00:22:16,060 Can you believe all that gold he wears? 271 00:22:16,780 --> 00:22:18,680 He looks like Fort Knox with legs. 272 00:22:21,380 --> 00:22:23,620 He's got Sammy Davis beat by a mile. 273 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,760 If Sammy Davis wore that much gold, he'd have to have Mr. 274 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,000 T carry him around. 275 00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:34,560 And let me tell you, Zsa Zsa Gabor is crazy about him. She loves any man who 276 00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:36,980 that much community property hanging around his neck. 277 00:22:37,980 --> 00:22:39,960 Right out there where the judge can see it. 278 00:22:45,070 --> 00:22:48,830 He doesn't drink. He doesn't smoke. He lives such a good, clean life. He makes 279 00:22:48,830 --> 00:22:50,530 Ricky Schroeder look like Scarface. 280 00:22:54,830 --> 00:22:57,430 Did you know he was a bodyguard for Phyllis Diller? 281 00:22:58,090 --> 00:22:59,670 Nobody laid a hand on her. 282 00:22:59,930 --> 00:23:01,190 That's why she fired him. 283 00:23:03,390 --> 00:23:06,510 Say, I'm so glad to have this chance to help honor you here tonight. 284 00:23:07,090 --> 00:23:11,470 The character you developed on the A -Team has captured the imagination of 285 00:23:11,470 --> 00:23:13,070 adults and kids all over the country. 286 00:23:13,710 --> 00:23:17,790 And I want to congratulate you for doing so much for so many people on your own 287 00:23:17,790 --> 00:23:19,610 time. The T in Mr. 288 00:23:19,810 --> 00:23:21,050 T stands for one thing. 289 00:23:21,510 --> 00:23:23,450 Terrific. You keep it up, you hear? 290 00:23:34,590 --> 00:23:36,450 Mr. Gavin McCloud. 291 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:49,440 You know, I was so concerned about what I was going to say tonight that when I 292 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:52,900 ran into Johnny Carson and told him my problem, he said, Gavin, just be 293 00:23:52,900 --> 00:23:53,900 yourself. 294 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,280 Tell the truth. Right now, I'd rather be Johnny Carson. 295 00:23:58,140 --> 00:24:03,760 Because if I were, I'd probably be able to say something like, here at the MGM 296 00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:06,460 Grand, they gave me a room next to a honeymoon couple. 297 00:24:07,020 --> 00:24:10,060 But while I was paying for the room, I had the right to listen. 298 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:13,119 You see? 299 00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:14,480 I can't do those kind of jokes. 300 00:24:15,120 --> 00:24:16,480 I'm an actor, not a comic. 301 00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:18,960 So how am I going to make fun of Mr. T? 302 00:24:19,700 --> 00:24:23,040 Well, if I were Don Rickles, I could say, Mr. 303 00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:28,060 T is so mean, he watches mouthwash commercials and cheers for the germs. 304 00:24:31,500 --> 00:24:35,080 Well, if I were the beloved little red -headed comic Red Buttons, I would be 305 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:39,760 jumping up and down and asking the magic question, why should we give this man a 306 00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:41,960 dinner when Eli Whitney... 307 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:47,060 The inventor of the cotton gin who once said, get your cotton -picking fingers 308 00:24:47,060 --> 00:24:48,060 off my gin. 309 00:24:49,100 --> 00:24:50,100 Never got a gin. 310 00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:52,720 You're right. 311 00:24:54,180 --> 00:24:57,240 But those are the kind of things only comedians can say. 312 00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:04,000 So as an actor, I guess I'll just say, keep up the good work, Mr. T. 313 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:06,040 You're a star. 314 00:25:06,340 --> 00:25:07,480 You deserve to be. 315 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:10,660 And any time you want to come aboard the love boat. 316 00:25:11,340 --> 00:25:12,900 There'll be a seat at the captain's table. 317 00:25:13,180 --> 00:25:14,360 Thank you very much. 318 00:25:18,820 --> 00:25:23,460 And then Mr. 319 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,260 Slappy White. 320 00:25:36,460 --> 00:25:37,560 Final Mr. 321 00:25:37,780 --> 00:25:38,780 T from Chicago. 322 00:25:39,660 --> 00:25:44,100 And in his neighborhood, the Avon lady would ring and run. 323 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:50,800 But it's safe to go through his neighborhood at night if you're a 324 00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:59,900 But look at him now, 30 pounds of gold chains around his neck, $200 slacks, 325 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:03,800 $150 shoes, and no underwear. 326 00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:21,740 One thing I can say about Mr. T, he's got a lot of nerve. 327 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:26,380 Anybody will walk around with a haircut like that, have to have a lot of nerve. 328 00:26:27,540 --> 00:26:33,600 Then again, black people got more nerve than white people. 329 00:26:35,060 --> 00:26:37,380 Would you buy a Cadillac without a jar? 330 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:56,040 But I'd like to say one thing about Mr. T because, see, I've been watching you 331 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:59,620 and you've been doing so many nice things for the kids to help humanity and 332 00:26:59,620 --> 00:27:05,400 bring good cheer to America so we can come up with a nice life. And you're a 333 00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:09,240 great man. I want to do a special piece of material and dedicate it to you. 334 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:11,640 It's called Brotherhood. 335 00:27:13,220 --> 00:27:17,000 It's the white man and the black man. 336 00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:19,580 Would just work. 337 00:27:20,660 --> 00:27:26,620 Hand in hand, they could make this whole world a promised land. 338 00:27:27,260 --> 00:27:31,980 You had George Washington, and we had Booker T. 339 00:27:32,740 --> 00:27:36,960 You got congressmen in Congress, and so have we. 340 00:27:37,700 --> 00:27:41,560 Einstein split the atom, no ifs, ands, or buts. 341 00:27:41,820 --> 00:27:43,020 Look what Dr. 342 00:27:43,300 --> 00:27:45,120 Carver did with the little peanut. 343 00:27:45,710 --> 00:27:47,850 We will forget about slavery. 344 00:27:48,630 --> 00:27:51,110 You forget the Indian raids. 345 00:27:51,650 --> 00:27:56,570 We quit calling you hunkies, and you quit calling us spades. 346 00:27:56,990 --> 00:28:02,870 Together, we'll wipe out poverty, hatred, and we'll conquer outer space. 347 00:28:03,190 --> 00:28:08,210 So why don't we just get together and let all men share God's grace. 348 00:28:08,430 --> 00:28:09,570 Thank you and God bless you. 349 00:28:29,900 --> 00:28:33,260 Ladies and gentlemen, our most unique talent, Mr. 350 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:34,480 Dick Shawn. 351 00:28:41,340 --> 00:28:42,640 Clappy, you're absolutely right. 352 00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:44,480 Incredible. 353 00:28:46,460 --> 00:28:49,360 The black and the white problem is a problem in America, but we're forgetting 354 00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:50,360 about another group. 355 00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:53,880 It's the red man. 356 00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:03,280 and the Jewish man. 357 00:29:06,660 --> 00:29:10,640 To get together hand in hand for a wonderful land this would be. 358 00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:16,920 Hey, you gave us the beautiful Pocahontas, Sitting Bull, and the 359 00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:17,920 Niagara Falls. 360 00:29:18,140 --> 00:29:22,440 We gave you Joan Rivers, Don Rickles, and a recipe for matzo balls. 361 00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:29,260 That's right. You told us how to live out on the reservation, getting by and 362 00:29:29,260 --> 00:29:30,260 eating buffalo meat. 363 00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,680 We told you, make the reservation first, then go out and eat. 364 00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:37,100 So come on, everybody. 365 00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:41,360 Put your hands together like this. Please, everybody, put them together 366 00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,240 this. Seal it with a kiss. 367 00:29:44,460 --> 00:29:47,400 Let's all have some fun out of life and do things like this. 368 00:29:54,990 --> 00:29:57,690 The man is laughing now. I'm really surprised. I thought there was going to 369 00:29:57,690 --> 00:30:01,070 lot more problems, but he's a wonderful human being. I thought, I was so scared 370 00:30:01,070 --> 00:30:03,390 that I brought a golf club with me. 371 00:30:04,450 --> 00:30:08,090 I don't have to use it now. And when I was just trying to decide what club to 372 00:30:08,090 --> 00:30:12,930 use, I didn't know what club to use. I looked at his head and I said, it looks 373 00:30:12,930 --> 00:30:14,350 like an eight iron to me. 374 00:30:18,230 --> 00:30:23,510 The jewelry, $300 ,000 I read, right? $300 ,000 worth of jewelry the man 375 00:30:23,510 --> 00:30:27,320 around. That means from the chin up, he is richer than Yugoslavia. 376 00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:33,140 But this is the paladin. He could sing. 377 00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:35,680 You can imagine him coming out on stage doing a song. 378 00:30:36,100 --> 00:30:37,660 This rap song, rapping away. 379 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:39,640 Oh, take on time. 380 00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:40,679 Take on time. 381 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:41,680 Take on time. 382 00:30:42,120 --> 00:30:43,120 Take on time. 383 00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:44,280 Hey, everybody. 384 00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:45,500 Don't you mess with me. 385 00:30:45,700 --> 00:30:49,680 I'm the one and only Mr. T. I don't take no lip. I don't eat no crow. 386 00:30:49,980 --> 00:30:52,340 If I bop you on the head, you ain't never gonna grow. 387 00:30:56,590 --> 00:30:58,970 You fool. Keep off the grass. Go back to school. 388 00:30:59,870 --> 00:31:02,990 I'm going to rip off your face and stick it on your back. Kick you in the 389 00:31:02,990 --> 00:31:04,250 eyeballs. Put you in a sack. 390 00:31:04,510 --> 00:31:06,570 Because I'm rough, tough, mean, and cute. 391 00:31:06,790 --> 00:31:11,890 I'm a hot toddy. Look at that body. You can talk about your muscles, but you 392 00:31:11,890 --> 00:31:12,709 ought to see mine. 393 00:31:12,710 --> 00:31:17,670 Hair on my head like a bowl of twine. Skin on the belly. Every time I walk, I 394 00:31:17,670 --> 00:31:18,670 bum, bum, bum. 395 00:31:31,790 --> 00:31:37,230 My good pal, and we did a picture together a long time ago, Mr. George 396 00:31:49,910 --> 00:31:54,330 Tonight I'm here on behalf of the A -Team, the whole group, on a very happy 397 00:31:54,330 --> 00:31:59,110 mission, to pass along our good wishes to a guy who has done so much. 398 00:31:59,580 --> 00:32:01,300 to ensure the success of our show. 399 00:32:02,180 --> 00:32:06,060 And I'm talking about my friend, T, Brother T. 400 00:32:06,740 --> 00:32:12,400 A little bit bigger than life, with his intimidating scowl, outlandish mandinka 401 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:17,300 that parts his scalp, the oak tree arms, and that wild profusion of chains and 402 00:32:17,300 --> 00:32:18,300 gold jewelry. 403 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:20,400 He's probably bigger than ten lives. 404 00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:24,520 But there's a T you've never seen the way I have. 405 00:32:25,020 --> 00:32:28,740 That T exudes the kind of compassion and humanity 406 00:32:29,550 --> 00:32:31,410 that very few human beings can. 407 00:32:31,990 --> 00:32:35,450 There's a saying, you can't fool a child, and that's the truth. 408 00:32:36,110 --> 00:32:40,390 For despite the ferocity of the roles he's portrayed in Rocky III, and more 409 00:32:40,390 --> 00:32:44,130 recently in our show, he hasn't fooled the kids of America one bit. 410 00:32:45,150 --> 00:32:50,450 They sense, they know, that underneath the surface toughness is a kind of 411 00:32:50,450 --> 00:32:53,090 childlike quality, which they recognize in themselves. 412 00:32:54,150 --> 00:32:58,430 That's why children swarm around him in the streets. They do everywhere we go. 413 00:32:59,590 --> 00:33:05,670 That's why they relate to him when, despite his very busy life, he finds 414 00:33:05,670 --> 00:33:10,310 visit them in the hospital wards and always inserting that big brother 415 00:33:10,310 --> 00:33:13,890 admonition. Now, you go to the library and study books, you hear? 416 00:33:14,830 --> 00:33:18,290 This is Mr. T, this modern -day Pied Piper. 417 00:33:18,870 --> 00:33:21,690 This is the Mr. T that I and the rest of the A -team know. 418 00:33:22,430 --> 00:33:27,990 And the big secret that we all know is the T really stands for tenderness. 419 00:33:29,420 --> 00:33:30,460 He's a team player. 420 00:33:31,020 --> 00:33:32,020 He's a professional. 421 00:33:32,700 --> 00:33:33,780 And he's my friend. 422 00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:37,560 I am truly so thrilled by his success. 423 00:33:38,300 --> 00:33:40,460 I'm glad I was around to see it happen. 424 00:33:41,340 --> 00:33:42,440 Thank you very much. 425 00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:02,920 In the field of sports commentary, when you think of phrases like honesty, 426 00:34:03,100 --> 00:34:09,000 straight from the shoulder, and tell it like it is, you think of one man, Howard 427 00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:10,000 Cosell. 428 00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:21,540 Mr. T was raised in a neighborhood which has been described by sociologists. 429 00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:28,139 as an area of cultural deprivation characterized by economic instability 430 00:34:28,139 --> 00:34:30,860 paucity of opportunity for upward mobility. 431 00:34:31,219 --> 00:34:35,179 English translation, it was a slum. 432 00:34:39,100 --> 00:34:46,000 Now, all this led him to the hit NBC show, The A -Team and Wealth Beyond His 433 00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:50,780 Wildest Fantasies. Just look at him, diamond rings and earrings. 434 00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:54,080 Now we know what the T stands for. 435 00:34:54,300 --> 00:34:55,300 Tiffany. 436 00:34:57,520 --> 00:34:59,040 You're like an oyster. 437 00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:00,660 Cut through that shell. 438 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:06,240 You're all soft inside, baby. You're really a pussycat. 439 00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:19,840 This is cuter than a koala bear. 440 00:35:21,180 --> 00:35:23,180 Miss Maureen Murphy. 441 00:35:32,260 --> 00:35:33,260 Thank you. 442 00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:38,960 It's a real honor to be here tonight to roast you, Miss T, because we really 443 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:44,380 love you in Australia because it's a very overly macho country there. The men 444 00:35:44,380 --> 00:35:45,720 are very macho. 445 00:35:46,100 --> 00:35:47,240 That's why they love you. 446 00:35:48,270 --> 00:35:50,750 There they'll get a woman pregnant just to kill a rabbit. 447 00:35:58,270 --> 00:36:01,790 And I tried to explain to my mother I wanted to be an actress. I said, Mother, 448 00:36:01,790 --> 00:36:05,630 want to learn to cry real tears. I want to be able to show great emotion for 449 00:36:05,630 --> 00:36:07,090 someone I don't really care for. 450 00:36:07,550 --> 00:36:09,050 She said, Become a housewife. 451 00:36:11,290 --> 00:36:15,310 But she told me if I went into movies, I'd have to do a nude scene. 452 00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:20,560 Now, I wouldn't do a nude scene. I think if God meant us to be naked, he'd make 453 00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:21,660 our skin fit better. 454 00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:30,280 But in Australia, there's so much, you see, and our idea of the perfect wife is 455 00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:31,280 Nancy Reagan. 456 00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:32,960 And I know you met her in person. 457 00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:35,240 And I met her in person, too. 458 00:36:35,700 --> 00:36:39,220 And I was so impressed, because she seemed so lifelike. 459 00:36:47,370 --> 00:36:49,850 I would like to be in movies, just like you. 460 00:36:50,330 --> 00:36:57,290 And my fantasy is that I'm Princess Leia from Return of the 461 00:36:57,290 --> 00:37:03,570 Jedi, dressed as a slave girl, forced to dance for Jabba the Hutt, this huge, 462 00:37:03,650 --> 00:37:09,330 fat, slug -like creature which makes strange sounds like oompa -gabba -wabba 463 00:37:09,330 --> 00:37:10,330 -woompa. 464 00:37:11,290 --> 00:37:14,350 But you put a beard in his hand, he looks like any guy watching Monday Night 465 00:37:14,350 --> 00:37:15,350 Football. 466 00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:25,440 about the game that's why i watch monday night football and howard cosell 467 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:28,960 because i like to see someone else who doesn't know anything about footballing 468 00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:36,340 well 469 00:37:36,340 --> 00:37:40,120 i don't know if you've ever played football but i wouldn't marry a football 470 00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:46,880 player because i wouldn't want to have kids that don't have necks oh and my 471 00:37:46,880 --> 00:37:50,880 other fantasy is to kiss don wrinkles 472 00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:54,780 Till I met him here tonight, and... 473 00:37:54,780 --> 00:38:01,660 Well, 474 00:38:01,900 --> 00:38:07,700 I thought we were the same height, but I noticed that you are a little taller 475 00:38:07,700 --> 00:38:08,638 than me. 476 00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:14,300 And an older man should never kiss a short woman, because the skin all falls 477 00:38:14,300 --> 00:38:15,300 forward. 478 00:38:16,820 --> 00:38:18,820 And you look like a basset hound. 479 00:38:30,510 --> 00:38:32,190 Mr. Don Rickles! 480 00:38:44,450 --> 00:38:46,390 I bring love and I bring peace. 481 00:38:47,910 --> 00:38:49,750 And I bring kindness and warmth. 482 00:38:50,690 --> 00:38:52,130 I love the black people. 483 00:38:59,530 --> 00:39:04,070 People of my life, my world, they do what they're told. 484 00:39:07,890 --> 00:39:08,890 We're honoring Mr. 485 00:39:09,050 --> 00:39:09,888 T. 486 00:39:09,890 --> 00:39:10,890 Why? 487 00:39:13,530 --> 00:39:17,210 I met this man many, many years ago in a 7 -Eleven store and he said, give me 488 00:39:17,210 --> 00:39:18,210 your money. 489 00:39:22,750 --> 00:39:25,810 And of course, this little annoying midget. 490 00:39:28,230 --> 00:39:32,270 You were great in that picture, Ricky. I loved it. J .J., if I were you, you'd 491 00:39:32,270 --> 00:39:34,830 just... Sniffling and whining all over the screen. 492 00:39:38,330 --> 00:39:40,630 And, Angeline, you're a lovely woman and gorgeous. 493 00:39:41,170 --> 00:39:43,250 I'm happily married, but my wife is ill. 494 00:39:46,650 --> 00:39:50,250 Her body dances and tingles. My wife's body just lays in the bed and goes... 495 00:39:56,710 --> 00:39:58,930 walrus, but I gotta be nice, because everything's in her name. 496 00:40:01,490 --> 00:40:05,690 Of course, Rich Little, who does impressions, but he doesn't do one of my 497 00:40:05,690 --> 00:40:08,990 biggies. My first picture, Rich, he could never top me on this. Clark Gable, 498 00:40:08,990 --> 00:40:11,550 -starler on detail. I'm gonna tell you, Mr. T, I don't give a damn what's 499 00:40:11,550 --> 00:40:14,370 happening. Take the ship down. Down, down, down, down. 500 00:40:15,330 --> 00:40:17,850 Anyway, uh, please, don't applaud. 501 00:40:18,130 --> 00:40:20,910 Don't applaud. You're not going anyplace doing fraud tricks on your shoulder. 502 00:40:21,850 --> 00:40:25,610 A little laughing, and the black guy just rolled you. 503 00:40:30,380 --> 00:40:34,060 I'd like you to know this is Nell Carter. I did have the pleasure of being 504 00:40:34,060 --> 00:40:37,120 guest star on her show, Give Me a Break. I brought her a lovely gift. And she 505 00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:38,240 said, I'm not talking to you, man. 506 00:40:38,460 --> 00:40:39,460 I'm not talking to you. 507 00:40:39,780 --> 00:40:41,700 She's a lovely, lovely star. You ask her. 508 00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:46,720 I've seen her in her bathrobe and the dressing room when people go, I'm being 509 00:40:46,720 --> 00:40:47,720 sucked under! 510 00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:53,580 And George Pappard, who keeps calling me on the phone saying, Why is that black 511 00:40:53,580 --> 00:40:54,640 guy getting the bigger lines? 512 00:40:55,360 --> 00:40:59,240 Anyway, George isn't jealous, but when you go to bed tonight... 513 00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:00,840 Try to listen for a clock. 514 00:41:03,740 --> 00:41:06,820 Your park, George, is getting smaller and smaller. Tell him what you told me, 515 00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:08,620 how you're fed up with the blacks and you don't want them in your 516 00:41:10,340 --> 00:41:15,280 But we need the blacks. Without them, there'd be no Olympics. 517 00:41:22,220 --> 00:41:24,840 That's right. These people are great runners. You put a gun in their can, 518 00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:25,840 can beat a bullet. 519 00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:35,720 I would be amiss if I didn't mention that Bob Hope is here tonight. It's good 520 00:41:35,720 --> 00:41:36,698 see you, Bob. 521 00:41:36,700 --> 00:41:38,380 He's here because there's no war on. 522 00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:44,140 And Howard Cosell, I say from the bottom of my heart, you're annoying and you 523 00:41:44,140 --> 00:41:45,140 should go away. 524 00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:54,220 And so, again, to Mr. T, you're the best, you've proven that, and continued 525 00:41:54,220 --> 00:41:55,440 success. Thank you very much. 526 00:42:08,300 --> 00:42:13,040 We've been doing these roasts for a lot of years, and we've honored some of the 527 00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,300 biggest stars in the show business. 528 00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:21,240 Tonight, we pay tribute to a guy who gives unselfishly to bring a little 529 00:42:21,240 --> 00:42:27,180 happiness to kids all over the country. You can't get bigger than that. Ladies 530 00:42:27,180 --> 00:42:28,440 and gentlemen, Mr. 531 00:42:47,950 --> 00:42:48,950 Thank you, Dean. 532 00:42:49,210 --> 00:42:55,050 And my two little buddies, Gary Coleman and Ricky Schroeder, you are a couple of 533 00:42:55,050 --> 00:42:56,050 wonderful kids. 534 00:42:56,090 --> 00:42:57,990 Your parents must be real proud of you. 535 00:42:58,970 --> 00:43:01,690 Don Rickles, you are too much. 536 00:43:04,650 --> 00:43:06,310 You should be on the A -team. 537 00:43:06,670 --> 00:43:12,130 If you're wondering where I get my jewelry from, well, Liberace had a 538 00:43:12,130 --> 00:43:13,130 sale. 539 00:43:18,870 --> 00:43:25,390 George Pappard, you've been like a father to me, and I love you so much, 540 00:43:25,390 --> 00:43:28,890 are the reason why the A -team is number one. 541 00:43:41,390 --> 00:43:47,070 Howard Cosell, you're a great sportcaster in my book. 542 00:43:48,300 --> 00:43:49,300 Know why? 543 00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:51,640 Because you tell it like it is. 544 00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:54,020 And you're a very kind man. 545 00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:56,780 And I want to thank you for the nice words. 546 00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:04,620 And Bob Hope, it ain't a day in my life that I don't read about you flying 547 00:44:04,620 --> 00:44:10,000 off somewhere to do a benefit or to entertain our guys in service. 548 00:44:10,820 --> 00:44:13,100 You really have a heart of gold. 549 00:44:14,020 --> 00:44:16,620 And Dean, you're a fun -loving superstar. 550 00:44:17,770 --> 00:44:21,910 And because of that, I want to give you a big hug for making all this possible. 551 00:44:37,830 --> 00:44:40,970 This has been a very special moment in my life. 552 00:44:42,210 --> 00:44:46,130 I never would have thought that in my wildest dreams as a kid, 553 00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:52,080 growing up in the south side of Chicago, that some of the most famous people in 554 00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:58,680 the show business would gather in one place to pay an honor to me 555 00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:05,620 by kidding me, by making jokes about me, and having fun with me. I 556 00:45:05,620 --> 00:45:12,480 am very sure that my mother, my father, and my daughter Lisa are very proud 557 00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:14,640 tonight. I know I am. 558 00:45:15,500 --> 00:45:22,010 Because... This bit of fame that you have given me makes it all possible for 559 00:45:22,010 --> 00:45:26,730 to go out and do a lot of things that are dear and near to me. 560 00:45:27,790 --> 00:45:34,430 Like giving my name, my hand, and my heart to all people who are in need. 561 00:45:36,130 --> 00:45:39,110 Like kids who can't read but should be reading. 562 00:45:40,370 --> 00:45:43,730 Like kids who are sick in a hospital somewhere. 563 00:45:44,940 --> 00:45:46,560 God, where should I sign that? 564 00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:49,000 Where do you want me to sign that? 565 00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:52,840 Sign my name. Where? Here, there, or where? 566 00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:54,900 Right there. All right. 567 00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:58,560 2JN. J -A -N, right? 568 00:45:59,460 --> 00:46:00,460 Right? 569 00:46:01,540 --> 00:46:03,680 All right. I'm going to put it down there. Get well. 570 00:46:04,840 --> 00:46:05,840 Get well. 571 00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:07,260 See them little kids? 572 00:46:07,540 --> 00:46:10,000 They like me. I like little kids. 573 00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:17,500 That's Mickey Mouse there. And I got a poster for you. 574 00:46:18,360 --> 00:46:21,540 That's Mickey Mouse right there. 575 00:46:22,220 --> 00:46:23,220 See? 576 00:46:23,860 --> 00:46:25,440 Who is that right there? 577 00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:26,920 Who is Mr. 578 00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:28,000 T? 579 00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:29,740 All right. 580 00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:31,840 Wow. 581 00:46:32,100 --> 00:46:33,960 You got ice cream. 582 00:46:34,500 --> 00:46:36,560 Golly. You got fish. 583 00:46:36,780 --> 00:46:38,680 Wow. You're going to be strong. 584 00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:41,180 You want to touch my hair? 585 00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:48,080 Give me a big hug. 586 00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:55,440 This is truly God's work, and I'll do it as long as he wants me to. 587 00:46:56,340 --> 00:47:02,160 So I just want to say from this kid, who have come a long, long way, 588 00:47:02,260 --> 00:47:03,660 thanks. 589 00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:06,780 And that's from the bottom of my heart. 590 00:47:07,860 --> 00:47:08,860 I really mean that. 591 00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:11,180 Thank you, and God bless you. 50147

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.