All language subtitles for dean_martin_carroll_o_conner_1973

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:19,880 Ladies and gentlemen, the Dean Martin Comedy Hour presents a special one -hour 2 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:24,120 roast with tonight's guests, Dan Rowan and Dick Martin. 3 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:27,800 Gene Kelly. 4 00:00:31,140 --> 00:00:32,220 Lloyd Bishop. 5 00:00:35,820 --> 00:00:37,220 Don Ripple. 6 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:44,880 Robert Wood, president of CBS Television. 7 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:48,300 Mike Connors. 8 00:00:51,780 --> 00:00:53,160 Red Fox. 9 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,100 Marty Allen. 10 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:03,160 Yes, Elliot. 11 00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:08,640 Nipsey Russell. 12 00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:11,580 Norm Crosby. 13 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:17,020 And your Roastmaster, Dean Martin. 14 00:01:17,820 --> 00:01:23,420 And tonight's very special man of the week, Harold O 'Connor. 15 00:01:35,940 --> 00:01:42,860 Also appearing on tonight's special roast, Foster Foote, Bruce Buckley, 16 00:01:42,860 --> 00:01:43,860 Conrad. 17 00:01:54,940 --> 00:02:00,640 We had two disappointments tonight. Bob Hope couldn't make it and Carol O 18 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:01,640 'Connor could. 19 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:08,780 We always try to get names for an evening like this and as soon as we 20 00:02:08,780 --> 00:02:13,100 we were honoring Carol O 'Connor, the names started pouring in. 21 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,600 They called him every name in the book. 22 00:02:17,060 --> 00:02:20,240 And I'm not saying Carroll was unpopular. 23 00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:25,500 All I know is when he moved into Beverly Hills, five colored families moved out. 24 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:38,080 But in spite of his image, this man is all heart. Every summer, he goes into 25 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:40,100 ghetto, picks out the poorest family. 26 00:02:40,890 --> 00:02:43,630 takes him to a meadow in the country and leaves him there. 27 00:02:45,070 --> 00:02:49,810 And at Christmas time, he's been known to bring a group of poor black kids into 28 00:02:49,810 --> 00:02:52,670 his house to serve the turkey and wash the dishes. 29 00:02:57,410 --> 00:03:00,930 What mileage this man's gotten out of all in the family. 30 00:03:02,150 --> 00:03:03,450 He goes right on. 31 00:03:04,870 --> 00:03:08,850 He's got Archie Bunker. I don't wait. I only got an hour. Yeah. 32 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:17,260 he's got Archie Bunker t -shirts, Archie Bunker lunch boxes, records, and now 33 00:03:17,260 --> 00:03:20,180 he's opening a chain of restaurants serving bigot burgers. 34 00:03:23,180 --> 00:03:27,640 The listener said, there's only one Carol O 'Connor and that's Jackie 35 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:32,600 Dan Roan and Dick Martin are two beautiful guys. 36 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:38,100 They've been together a long time. As a matter of fact, it was 25 years ago 37 00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:40,960 today that they teamed up and got their first laugh. 38 00:03:41,579 --> 00:03:43,680 Tonight, they'll be trying for their second one. 39 00:04:02,620 --> 00:04:05,880 Who is that masked man? I don't know who he was. 40 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:10,800 Listen, we're very happy to be here to pay tribute to the star of All in the 41 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,040 Family. Indeed we are. 42 00:04:12,340 --> 00:04:16,240 He's a big star, too. Carol O 'Connor is a big star. He's one of the biggest 43 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:18,279 stars on television. How did you know that? 44 00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:19,620 I asked him and he told me. 45 00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:25,140 You know that All in the Family is setting such records. It is probably the 46 00:04:25,140 --> 00:04:27,740 biggest show the TV industry has ever seen. 47 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:29,280 Bigger than Turn On? 48 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:36,780 There is another thing about Carroll. He's a great humanitarian. 49 00:04:37,180 --> 00:04:40,680 That doesn't surprise me at all. It doesn't surprise you. Well, it surprised 50 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,980 lot of other people. And it says so right there. 51 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:45,619 We're waiting. 52 00:04:45,620 --> 00:04:46,620 We just keep going. 53 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:53,320 Do you know that every Christmas Eve, Carroll O 'Connor goes to some of this 54 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:58,220 city's finest restaurants, orders a hundred menus... And sends them to the 55 00:04:58,220 --> 00:04:59,220 people. Right. 56 00:05:00,780 --> 00:05:02,520 Sends the menus to the poor people. 57 00:05:14,510 --> 00:05:15,710 Do you want to talk about Easter? 58 00:05:15,950 --> 00:05:20,590 Oh, I love Easter. Every Easter, he calls all the children 59 00:05:20,590 --> 00:05:27,410 in the neighborhood over to his front lawn for an egg roll. 60 00:05:27,530 --> 00:05:30,430 And he lets the kids watch him eat it, right? Yes. 61 00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:34,730 What are you yelling for? I don't know. I think if you're not going good, just 62 00:05:34,730 --> 00:05:35,730 talk higher. 63 00:05:47,820 --> 00:05:52,200 We're talking about, you know, all the terrible things that he says on that 64 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:56,500 television show about black people. Yes. He means every word of it. No, no. 65 00:05:57,820 --> 00:05:58,920 All contrary. 66 00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:06,980 No, the real Carroll O 'Connor loves black people. Yes, he does. He does. 67 00:06:06,980 --> 00:06:08,000 card, please. Uh -huh. 68 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:09,880 No, 69 00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:12,540 he loves black people. 70 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:17,900 And if his wife ever finds out... And he's also always kidding about the Jews. 71 00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:21,640 He loves black people. He loves black people and he loves Jews? He must be 72 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:22,680 about Sammy Davis Jr. 73 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,440 Well, the thing is that no matter what he says on television, that does not 74 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:30,760 truly reflect the opinion of the man himself. Because the man himself is 75 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,820 really... So you should say something nice about Carroll. I love Carroll O 76 00:06:33,820 --> 00:06:37,720 'Connor. He's one of my best friends, as a matter of fact. A man could find no 77 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:41,080 better friend on earth than Carroll O 'Connor. Well, if you have something 78 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:45,420 that to say about some guy, don't say it to the camera. Say it to the man 79 00:06:45,420 --> 00:06:47,000 himself. You're kidding. All right. 80 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,680 Carroll, I love you. You're just fine. 81 00:06:50,340 --> 00:06:52,380 Well, you should have the night back. Good night, Dan. 82 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:06,940 They were kind of yelling, weren't they? 83 00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:12,300 I understand they're going to revive laughing. 84 00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:14,760 It should have been revived while it was on. 85 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:17,700 I'm going again. 86 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,280 You're throwing up, Gene? 87 00:07:24,740 --> 00:07:30,040 I would like you to meet a man who's an old friend of Carol's from 30 years ago. 88 00:07:31,150 --> 00:07:35,730 He and Carol used to work together as longshoremen on the docks of New York 89 00:07:35,730 --> 00:07:40,410 City. And we've flown him out here tonight to surprise our man of the week, 90 00:07:40,430 --> 00:07:42,950 ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Joe Kowalski. 91 00:07:53,650 --> 00:07:54,830 Hiya, boss. 92 00:07:59,210 --> 00:08:04,330 You know, Mr. O 'Connor was my foreman down at the shipyard, and he got the job 93 00:08:04,330 --> 00:08:08,610 over all the rest of us because he had the most education, he had the most 94 00:08:08,610 --> 00:08:11,730 experience, and he knew where to get the boss abroad. 95 00:08:19,410 --> 00:08:22,050 That Mr. O 'Connor is a real tough egg, boy. 96 00:08:22,550 --> 00:08:25,510 One night we went in the saloon, he got in an argument with a guy. 97 00:08:26,060 --> 00:08:29,700 And the guy takes the back of his hand and hits him and says, that's a chop 98 00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:30,700 Kung Fu. 99 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:35,539 And Mr. O 'Connor takes something out of his pocket, hits the guy on the head, 100 00:08:35,620 --> 00:08:38,840 and says, and that's a crowbar from Midas Muffler. 101 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:49,520 I'll never forget all us guys on that crew. We went to see him in that movie, 102 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:54,060 Cleopatra. And the first time he walked on the screen, we said, and he said, 103 00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:55,260 Hail Caesar! 104 00:08:55,850 --> 00:09:00,370 And we said, that ain't our Mr. O 'Connor. Then he started running around 105 00:09:00,370 --> 00:09:01,610 in a funny -looking robe. 106 00:09:01,870 --> 00:09:03,790 And we said, that ain't our Mr. 107 00:09:03,990 --> 00:09:04,969 O 'Connor. 108 00:09:04,970 --> 00:09:08,970 But then all of a sudden, he turned around and stabbed his boss right in the 109 00:09:08,970 --> 00:09:12,010 back. And we all said, now that's our Mr. 110 00:09:12,230 --> 00:09:13,230 O 'Connor. 111 00:09:19,430 --> 00:09:21,190 Thank you, Bill O 'Connor. 112 00:09:38,830 --> 00:09:41,350 My good friend Carol O 'Connor is quite an actor. 113 00:09:42,110 --> 00:09:44,990 Every week on television, he plays the part of a bigot. 114 00:09:45,410 --> 00:09:48,470 But in real life, he's the complete opposite. 115 00:09:48,690 --> 00:09:52,810 Really, take it from me. He's a man who strongly believes in equality and 116 00:09:52,810 --> 00:09:53,810 brotherhood. 117 00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:59,270 In fact, Carol's whole family has always been completely devoid of any racial 118 00:09:59,270 --> 00:10:00,270 prejudice. 119 00:10:00,830 --> 00:10:03,790 As a matter of fact, I thought you might like to see some pictures of his 120 00:10:03,790 --> 00:10:04,790 family. 121 00:10:05,110 --> 00:10:07,650 Here's a picture of his grandfather. 122 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:12,620 This is a picture of his grandmother. 123 00:10:14,740 --> 00:10:17,800 And this is a picture of one of his children. 124 00:10:22,940 --> 00:10:24,160 Welcome to London, pal. 125 00:10:25,780 --> 00:10:32,540 We have with 126 00:10:32,540 --> 00:10:37,100 us tonight someone who was a great influence on your early life. 127 00:10:37,530 --> 00:10:41,130 Carol, it's your third grade teacher from P .S. 128 00:10:42,510 --> 00:10:44,670 76. I know where I am. 129 00:10:45,250 --> 00:10:50,190 From P .S. 76 in New York City, Miss Elsie Birdwell. 130 00:11:00,310 --> 00:11:03,710 Carol was always one of my best students. 131 00:11:03,950 --> 00:11:10,280 And I... like to feel that I had something to do with his success in 132 00:11:11,060 --> 00:11:14,980 I have something here that you might be interested in seeing. 133 00:11:16,180 --> 00:11:21,920 It's an arithmetic problem that I gave to Carol's third grade class. 134 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:27,060 And Carol was the only one who got a hundred. 135 00:11:27,540 --> 00:11:29,060 This was the question. 136 00:11:31,060 --> 00:11:32,440 At some point... 137 00:11:33,770 --> 00:11:35,770 station with 93 passengers. 138 00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:39,630 When the doors opened, the following got off. 139 00:11:39,930 --> 00:11:44,310 17 Polacks, 9 Spics, and 3 Jungle Bunnies. 140 00:11:48,630 --> 00:11:51,350 And the following got on. 141 00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:58,530 28 Hebes, 16 Prouts, 12 Chinks, 5 Spaghetti Benders, and a commie 142 00:11:58,530 --> 00:11:59,530 pinko rat. 143 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:18,240 And here, in his own little handwriting, Carol wrote down the correct 144 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:19,240 answer. 145 00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:23,120 There would be exactly 19 fags left. 146 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:26,320 Ladies and gentlemen, 147 00:12:40,550 --> 00:12:41,710 Norm Cosby. 148 00:12:55,490 --> 00:13:00,090 Carol O 'Connor is absolutely nothing like the character Archie Bunker he 149 00:13:00,090 --> 00:13:01,230 portrays on television. 150 00:13:01,770 --> 00:13:04,930 Carol is an educated man, a man of stigma and depth. 151 00:13:08,110 --> 00:13:12,630 He comes from an upper -class family, and early in life, his father taught 152 00:13:12,630 --> 00:13:16,150 Carroll the basic principle that has determined his entire personality. 153 00:13:16,770 --> 00:13:21,190 When he was seven years old, his father took him out in the backyard, made him 154 00:13:21,190 --> 00:13:23,530 climb a high ladder, and told him to jump. 155 00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:27,570 And Carroll said, no, no, father, I will hurt myself. 156 00:13:28,150 --> 00:13:31,390 And his father said, I'm your father, and I say jump. 157 00:13:31,930 --> 00:13:32,930 And he jumped. 158 00:13:33,530 --> 00:13:36,130 Broke his hip, one arm, and both legs. 159 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,820 And his father looked at him and said, that's your first lesson. 160 00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:41,280 Don't trust nobody. 161 00:13:47,580 --> 00:13:54,400 That is why to this very day, Carol O 'Connor is very 162 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,260 deceptive about all kinds of people. 163 00:13:56,820 --> 00:13:59,260 As a matter of fact, he has extrasensible reception. 164 00:14:01,020 --> 00:14:03,880 It was discovered in Europe during the Olympic Games. 165 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:08,900 when he was standing next to a tall, thin athlete, and Carol said, Are you a 166 00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:09,900 pole vaulter? 167 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,640 And the man said, No, I'm Ukrainian. 168 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:19,180 But how did you know my name was Walter? 169 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:30,200 I guess it's pretty obvious that I am here tonight to make the rest 170 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,480 of the panel look strong. 171 00:14:37,930 --> 00:14:38,930 Few people know it. 172 00:14:39,230 --> 00:14:40,230 And good. 173 00:14:40,710 --> 00:14:42,210 Few people know it. 174 00:14:42,810 --> 00:14:48,150 But it was the great dramatic teacher Stanislavski who first inspired in Carol 175 00:14:48,150 --> 00:14:51,430 his complete and total dedication to the theater. 176 00:14:51,830 --> 00:14:56,450 They were coming out of an acting class at the Abbey Theater in London. 177 00:14:56,810 --> 00:14:57,810 Settle down. 178 00:14:59,590 --> 00:15:05,010 When an actress grabbed Stanislavski's arm and screamed, I would like to break 179 00:15:05,010 --> 00:15:06,450 off your arm and eat it. 180 00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:11,520 Another actress grabbed him by the leg and shouted, I would like to break off 181 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:12,740 your leg and eat it. 182 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:21,220 A third actress rushed up and said, Maestro, I would like to stab you with a 183 00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:23,140 dagger and drink your blood. 184 00:15:23,780 --> 00:15:28,180 And Stanislavski turned to Carol and explained, learn, my pupil. 185 00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:32,280 To break off an arm and eat it, this for my pupils I would allow. 186 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:35,920 To break off my leg and eat it, this too I would allow. 187 00:15:36,510 --> 00:15:38,070 But stick me for the drinks. 188 00:15:45,810 --> 00:15:49,790 This is one of the nicest things that I know. 189 00:16:02,390 --> 00:16:06,710 Here's a surprise for you, Carol. One of your dearest pals back east wants to 190 00:16:06,710 --> 00:16:11,650 say a few words to you. His honor, the mayor of New York City, John Lindsay. 191 00:16:13,670 --> 00:16:17,890 Few people know of the invaluable contributions that Carol O 'Connor has 192 00:16:17,890 --> 00:16:18,829 our city. 193 00:16:18,830 --> 00:16:22,990 He's helped decrease air pollution, he's assisted with our overpopulation 194 00:16:22,990 --> 00:16:27,050 problem, and he's contributed mightily to the establishment of better 195 00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:28,530 communications among groups. 196 00:16:28,730 --> 00:16:30,710 He's accomplished all this for New York. 197 00:16:31,150 --> 00:16:33,830 by the simple expedient of moving to California. 198 00:16:36,650 --> 00:16:40,850 I don't feel like we've lost a great actor. I consider that we've gained a 199 00:16:40,850 --> 00:16:41,850 parking space. 200 00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:49,170 Carol is well remembered here along Broadway. In recognition of his long 201 00:16:49,170 --> 00:16:54,070 distinguished theatrical career, Actors' Equity plans to install a bronze star 202 00:16:54,070 --> 00:16:58,590 in concrete, marking his regular spot in the unemployment line. 203 00:17:01,610 --> 00:17:06,109 Independent citizen groups here have indicated interest in memorializing this 204 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:11,349 great actor, too. Why, just today I received a petition to erect a statue to 205 00:17:11,349 --> 00:17:16,210 Carol in Central Park. The pigeons have already enthusiastically endorsed the 206 00:17:16,210 --> 00:17:17,210 idea. 207 00:17:19,210 --> 00:17:25,030 With warm affection and admiration, I salute my buddy, Carol O 'Connor. 208 00:17:25,270 --> 00:17:27,750 In the words of Archie himself. 209 00:17:30,110 --> 00:17:31,550 Congratulations, Meathead. 210 00:17:37,870 --> 00:17:42,990 Congratulations to the president of the Carol O 'Connor Fan Club. 211 00:17:59,470 --> 00:18:00,470 Name it, everything. 212 00:18:01,850 --> 00:18:03,610 Everybody has a great ambition. 213 00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:06,570 We want to be singers, dancers, writers, and musicians. 214 00:18:07,050 --> 00:18:11,990 I just want to be a mule somewhere in the clover and catch Archie Bunker 215 00:18:11,990 --> 00:18:12,990 over. 216 00:18:18,710 --> 00:18:23,550 I was talking to him before. We came on and I said, what do you think about 217 00:18:23,550 --> 00:18:27,250 politics? Can a black man ever become president? 218 00:18:27,830 --> 00:18:30,490 He said, yes, if he runs against a Mexican. 219 00:18:37,030 --> 00:18:41,890 I said, don't you think that we should take our rightful place in society? 220 00:18:42,190 --> 00:18:45,730 He said, your rightful place is in the rhythm section of the band. 221 00:18:50,650 --> 00:18:57,090 When the minorities integrated his church, he was heard. to ask the 222 00:18:57,250 --> 00:19:00,710 how long can you legally hold one of these birds underwater when you're 223 00:19:00,710 --> 00:19:01,710 baptized? 224 00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:14,810 He was the man who said that there should be no black astronauts. 225 00:19:15,610 --> 00:19:19,190 He said you can't get ham hocks in those little tubes you get out of. 226 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:37,420 So I say to you, from all the people in all the black neighborhoods in the 227 00:19:37,420 --> 00:19:43,920 world, may you have a winter, a cold winter, with long legs and a short 228 00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:45,120 Bless you. 229 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:51,960 Thank you, Mr. 230 00:19:52,220 --> 00:19:53,220 Rucker. 231 00:19:54,700 --> 00:19:59,440 The KKK is going to roast Nipsey next week, and I mean roast. 232 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:08,240 from the wit and wisdom of Archie Bunker comes Mr. Gene Kelly. 233 00:20:20,460 --> 00:20:27,080 Many months to get these 234 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,080 readings together. 235 00:20:29,260 --> 00:20:30,580 It's very serious. 236 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:39,500 And I quote, Well, there goes the neighborhood. 237 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:44,880 I don't understand those race riots. 238 00:20:45,220 --> 00:20:49,440 You bring them blacks over here in chains, you give them jobs picking 239 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,060 and this is the thanks you get. 240 00:20:57,580 --> 00:20:59,720 Polacks come by their dumbness honestly. 241 00:21:00,220 --> 00:21:02,220 They're like your out -of -town tourists. 242 00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:07,280 They go in a massage parlor and actually expect to get a massage. Now, that's 243 00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:08,280 not good. 244 00:21:12,620 --> 00:21:16,060 All right, little girl. I don't want to hear no more about family planning. 245 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,080 Just find your pills and cue. 246 00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:22,180 Listen, 247 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:25,740 dingbat. The movie rating system is simple as A to Z. 248 00:21:26,140 --> 00:21:29,220 In a G -rated movie, the hero gets the girl. 249 00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:31,440 In your R -rated film... 250 00:21:31,950 --> 00:21:33,350 the villain gets the girl. 251 00:21:33,670 --> 00:21:37,390 And in the X, everybody gets the girl. 252 00:21:44,250 --> 00:21:46,870 And the 253 00:21:46,870 --> 00:21:58,850 young 254 00:21:58,850 --> 00:22:00,970 man, your parish priest. 255 00:22:01,450 --> 00:22:03,350 Father Michael Donahue. 256 00:22:13,190 --> 00:22:18,110 First of all, first of all, 257 00:22:18,110 --> 00:22:23,670 I would like to see you convert, Don. Give the Jews a break. 258 00:22:30,410 --> 00:22:31,670 I never heard you sing better. 259 00:22:35,290 --> 00:22:38,230 Well, thank you, Fox, for coming to services last week. 260 00:22:39,350 --> 00:22:43,270 Now, if you just bring back the silver candlesticks, we'll do the whole thing. 261 00:22:47,230 --> 00:22:51,670 I know Carol O 'Connor probably better than any other living soul. 262 00:22:51,910 --> 00:22:54,410 Sure. You have no lines on my card. 263 00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:02,500 If you had any talent, would we be honoring you? 264 00:23:05,740 --> 00:23:07,860 Every week, we've got to help somebody with a comeback. 265 00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:21,600 Next week, it'll probably be Sinatra. 266 00:23:23,900 --> 00:23:26,700 I hear Harold's confession every week. 267 00:23:28,100 --> 00:23:32,660 However, because of the seal of confession, I'm not allowed to reveal 268 00:23:32,660 --> 00:23:33,660 know. 269 00:23:34,020 --> 00:23:35,020 Oh, no. 270 00:23:37,540 --> 00:23:44,280 If you offered me a few dollars... I wish I could, but I cannot. 271 00:23:44,420 --> 00:23:47,500 I cannot tell you about Carol's experience with the albino. 272 00:23:51,620 --> 00:23:54,120 The whiff in the bottle of Wild Root Creamer. 273 00:23:57,580 --> 00:23:59,060 You can laugh, Gene. I laugh when you dance. 274 00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:07,500 Oh, the cockeyed dwarf he picked up one night in Laurel Canyon. 275 00:24:09,380 --> 00:24:13,520 I can't even tell you about his escapade with the Eskimo princess and the 276 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:14,760 antique chandelier. 277 00:24:16,660 --> 00:24:20,160 Although I suppose it wouldn't be breaking my vow to tell you it did cost 278 00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:21,820 almost 400 Hail Marys. 279 00:24:27,120 --> 00:24:30,740 Carol is the only member of my parish who had to get his rosary beads 280 00:24:34,620 --> 00:24:36,780 Boy, that Gentile human gets big laughs, don't he? 281 00:24:38,700 --> 00:24:42,460 I wish I could tell you some of the things Carol has confessed to me. But 282 00:24:42,460 --> 00:24:44,380 only person I can tell them to is the bishop. 283 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,760 Just as the only person the bishop can tell them to is the cardinal. 284 00:24:48,020 --> 00:24:50,600 And the only person the cardinal can tell them to is the pope. 285 00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:55,460 You see, in the church, we too have to keep things all in the family. 286 00:25:12,970 --> 00:25:18,310 Now, we're very honored to have with us the man who actually made the decision 287 00:25:18,310 --> 00:25:20,270 to put all in the family on the air. 288 00:25:20,810 --> 00:25:24,710 The president of the PBS television network, Mr. Robert Wood. 289 00:25:24,950 --> 00:25:30,110 Even though Mr. Wood is the president of a rival network, the brass here at NBC 290 00:25:30,110 --> 00:25:33,210 sent a large basket of fruit to his dressing room. 291 00:25:33,770 --> 00:25:36,050 Lucky for him, he wasn't in it when it exploded. 292 00:25:36,890 --> 00:25:38,710 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Bob Wood. 293 00:25:53,070 --> 00:25:54,070 Well, 294 00:25:54,750 --> 00:25:58,690 thank you, Dean. And incidentally, I'd like to thank everybody here at NBC. 295 00:25:59,130 --> 00:26:00,190 You know... 296 00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:05,200 As Don Rickles knows, doing a comedy show is very, very difficult. 297 00:26:17,380 --> 00:26:22,080 And increasingly, our audiences are becoming more and more demanding. 298 00:26:22,980 --> 00:26:26,860 So if a comedy show, or for that matter, even a show like yours, Dean, 299 00:26:31,950 --> 00:26:34,650 Should get dull just even for a second or two. 300 00:26:35,930 --> 00:26:39,670 Audiences instinctively defect to competing channels. 301 00:26:40,290 --> 00:26:45,110 So with that in mind, I'd like to start my tribute off tonight to Carol O 302 00:26:45,110 --> 00:26:48,810 'Connor by offering you a dramatic reading of the Czechoslovakian 303 00:26:51,750 --> 00:26:58,630 I suppose this is the perfect time to 304 00:26:58,630 --> 00:27:02,860 say... that there's a wonderful movie playing right now on CBS. 305 00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:15,800 Now, Carol, if you're wondering why I haven't addressed myself to you... It 306 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:17,360 crossed my mind, yes, it did. 307 00:27:17,940 --> 00:27:21,900 ...to not the biggest star on the CBS television network. 308 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:26,520 Well, even NBC's not that dumb. Thank you very much. 309 00:27:36,409 --> 00:27:40,010 Carol, there's a lot of your friends and admirers who couldn't be here tonight, 310 00:27:40,230 --> 00:27:45,110 but some of them have recorded messages on videotape, and we'd like to play them 311 00:27:45,110 --> 00:27:46,110 for you now. 312 00:27:46,270 --> 00:27:50,330 Don't worry, Carol. No matter how hard they try, they'll never really roast 313 00:27:50,610 --> 00:27:52,970 With your pot, you'll never fit in the oven. 314 00:27:54,270 --> 00:27:55,270 Hi, Carol. 315 00:27:55,690 --> 00:27:59,330 I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy you on All in the Family. 316 00:28:00,190 --> 00:28:01,169 You know something? 317 00:28:01,170 --> 00:28:05,620 You're almost as good as you used to be with... Art Carney and Audrey Meadows on 318 00:28:05,620 --> 00:28:06,620 The Honeymooners. 319 00:28:07,460 --> 00:28:08,460 Hey, Carol. 320 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:11,720 As a fellow son of Aaron, I can't tell you how proud I am of you. 321 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:16,360 Thanks to your program, Americans of all ethnic backgrounds, Poles, Germans, 322 00:28:16,660 --> 00:28:21,080 Blacks, Jews, Italians, Puerto Ricans, are all united now with one common 323 00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:22,920 purpose. To get the Irish. 324 00:28:26,220 --> 00:28:30,160 Jean Stapleton and Sally Struthers asked me to tell you they're terribly sorry, 325 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:33,860 but they can't be with you tonight. But they were invited to an orgy at Norman 326 00:28:33,860 --> 00:28:34,860 Lear's house. 327 00:28:35,020 --> 00:28:36,020 Hello, 328 00:28:36,900 --> 00:28:41,440 Carol. My sisters and I were watching your program last week, and we thought 329 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:45,560 looked very familiar. Tell me, darling, were you ever married to one of us? 330 00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:51,080 Carol O 'Connor, how much do I owe thee? 331 00:28:51,710 --> 00:28:56,830 I want the whole world to know that you're the man responsible for what I am 332 00:28:56,830 --> 00:28:57,830 today. 333 00:28:58,010 --> 00:28:59,010 Pregnant. 334 00:29:10,830 --> 00:29:15,110 And now, Carol, here to pay tribute to you is the very distinguished senator 335 00:29:15,110 --> 00:29:16,470 from the state of Arizona. 336 00:29:16,790 --> 00:29:19,690 Ladies and gentlemen, Senator Barry Goldwater. 337 00:29:32,330 --> 00:29:34,970 Thank you, Dean and members of the dais. 338 00:29:35,310 --> 00:29:41,230 Carol, I've never heard so many nasty things said about a man who wasn't 339 00:29:41,230 --> 00:29:42,230 for anything. 340 00:29:43,630 --> 00:29:47,930 Actually, your Archie Bunker character might have a great career in politics. 341 00:29:48,170 --> 00:29:49,570 He's in the middle of the road. 342 00:29:50,170 --> 00:29:53,430 That is, a little to the left of Attila the Hun. 343 00:30:00,770 --> 00:30:03,990 And just a bit to the right of Little Orphan Annie. 344 00:30:06,490 --> 00:30:10,610 Archie Bunker's distinctive way of speaking would be an enormous asset in 345 00:30:10,610 --> 00:30:15,170 politics. He already sounds like he's talking out of both sides of his mouth. 346 00:30:19,230 --> 00:30:24,890 And Carroll O 'Connor himself has some of the outstanding qualities of our 347 00:30:24,890 --> 00:30:25,970 greatest statesmen. 348 00:30:26,290 --> 00:30:28,870 George Washington, Abraham Lincoln. 349 00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:30,480 And Richard Nixon. 350 00:30:31,700 --> 00:30:34,260 That is to say, he has bad teeth. 351 00:30:39,060 --> 00:30:43,920 His clothes don't fit. 352 00:30:46,180 --> 00:30:48,320 And he has to pee three times a day. 353 00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:57,160 But, Carol... 354 00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:02,080 I'd like to thank your Archie Bunker for his support in my last campaign. 355 00:31:02,620 --> 00:31:05,820 And I want you to know that I'm still optimistic. 356 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:10,580 There's always an opening for someone with presidential aspirations. 357 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:13,960 If not here, then in South America. 358 00:31:26,670 --> 00:31:31,710 Yes, Elliot is truly a great entertainer. I love that girl. I 359 00:31:31,710 --> 00:31:35,150 fat, but from the front, she looks like Carol O 'Connor from the back. 360 00:31:36,630 --> 00:31:39,450 Holy kidding. Ladies and gentlemen, the lovely Miss Cass Elliot. 361 00:31:48,510 --> 00:31:53,270 You might have noticed that I'm the only woman on this dais. They invited other 362 00:31:53,270 --> 00:31:55,370 women, but I'm the only one that showed up. 363 00:31:58,620 --> 00:32:01,800 Frankly, Carol, the women of America are fed up. 364 00:32:02,900 --> 00:32:06,880 You've insulted, ridiculed, and demeaned our sex every week on your show, and 365 00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:10,640 all in the family is supposed to be the show that champions civil rights. 366 00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:15,580 You big phony. Only once, only once did you ever open the car door for Edith, 367 00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,520 and you were going 60 on the freeway. 368 00:32:19,660 --> 00:32:22,420 In all the years you've been married to Edith, you never took her anywhere 369 00:32:22,420 --> 00:32:24,860 except to the hospital to have the baby, and you made her drive. 370 00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,380 You're nothing but a male chauvinist. You never dress for dinner. You always 371 00:32:30,380 --> 00:32:31,940 come to the dinner table in your T -shirt. 372 00:32:32,260 --> 00:32:33,340 Didn't you put on your shorts? 373 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:40,660 So, Carol, tonight, on behalf of the women everywhere, I would like to 374 00:32:40,660 --> 00:32:44,160 you with the first annual Male Chauvinist Pig Award. 375 00:32:44,700 --> 00:32:45,800 And here it is. 376 00:32:59,790 --> 00:33:00,790 Thank you, Cass. 377 00:33:01,490 --> 00:33:05,910 The other night... Will you please tell the president of CBS if he don't keep 378 00:33:05,910 --> 00:33:07,470 his hand out of my peanuts, I'll kill him. 379 00:33:08,450 --> 00:33:15,090 The other night I called Red Fox and 380 00:33:15,090 --> 00:33:21,210 I said, we're roasting Carol O 'Connor. Would you like to come? He said, I'd be 381 00:33:21,210 --> 00:33:22,930 delighted. I'll even bring the matches. 382 00:33:24,050 --> 00:33:26,070 And then Mr. Red Fox... 383 00:33:40,650 --> 00:33:46,090 It's a pleasure to be here tonight with someone who is also not a credit to his 384 00:33:46,090 --> 00:33:47,090 race. 385 00:33:53,190 --> 00:33:58,050 Contrary to what you have been believing in your lifetime, because you want it 386 00:33:58,050 --> 00:34:01,510 to be fair, niggas do carry knives. 387 00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:14,480 Thank you, Dean. 388 00:34:15,139 --> 00:34:19,580 You know, Carol O 'Connor and I have slightly different backgrounds. 389 00:34:20,580 --> 00:34:23,460 His weighs about 35 pounds more than mine. 390 00:34:27,020 --> 00:34:30,139 However, though, I must be curious. I'm very fond of Carol personally, and I 391 00:34:30,139 --> 00:34:32,000 have a great respect for him as an actor. 392 00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:37,659 And so I'd like to take this opportunity to deny a false and very vicious rumor 393 00:34:37,659 --> 00:34:39,679 that's been going around about Carol. 394 00:34:40,100 --> 00:34:42,639 Ladies and gentlemen, I want to personally assure you. 395 00:34:43,370 --> 00:34:48,110 No matter what you have heard, Carol O 'Connor is not gay. 396 00:34:54,770 --> 00:34:57,870 I killed all my dates for next week. 397 00:34:59,830 --> 00:35:01,390 Who is that? 398 00:35:04,530 --> 00:35:07,210 I'm black, but I got some nigga friends up there. 399 00:35:09,410 --> 00:35:11,530 Carol is strictly a man's man. 400 00:35:12,330 --> 00:35:13,970 Wait a minute. Let me rephrase that. 401 00:35:14,850 --> 00:35:18,930 What I mean is Carol is 100 % masculine. 402 00:35:20,130 --> 00:35:26,910 I had it on sworn solemn word of the producer of his show, Norman Queer, 403 00:35:26,910 --> 00:35:27,910 Aaliyah. 404 00:35:29,930 --> 00:35:35,950 She mustn't prove that a man is in any way effeminate just because she happens 405 00:35:35,950 --> 00:35:37,150 to have a girl's name. 406 00:35:38,130 --> 00:35:39,330 You know what I mean, Gene? 407 00:35:46,330 --> 00:35:48,410 It's terrible the way these stories get started. 408 00:35:49,090 --> 00:35:53,570 Apparently, what happened was, see, Carol was doing a show a few years back 409 00:35:53,570 --> 00:35:58,430 Liberace. And one day, they were just sitting around rehearsal, and Liberace 410 00:35:58,430 --> 00:35:59,910 offered Carol an apple. 411 00:36:01,030 --> 00:36:06,870 And Liberace said, and Carol said, yes. 412 00:36:09,110 --> 00:36:11,770 And that's how the rumor was born. 413 00:36:12,950 --> 00:36:15,450 So, I want to assure you, 414 00:36:17,290 --> 00:36:20,970 to you all. I got to take that out. We go back over it because I only say, 415 00:36:20,970 --> 00:36:21,970 you all. 416 00:36:21,990 --> 00:36:24,790 It's, I want to assure all of you 417 00:36:24,790 --> 00:36:31,790 that Donald 418 00:36:31,790 --> 00:36:38,430 O 'Connor is a fine and generous man who would give you the shirt off his back. 419 00:36:39,350 --> 00:36:43,190 He's a wonderful person, terrific actor. He can play comedy and he can play 420 00:36:43,190 --> 00:36:45,130 drama. He goes both ways. 421 00:36:45,830 --> 00:36:46,830 I'll learn that. 422 00:36:50,380 --> 00:36:52,480 I better go and sit down. Thanks a lot. 423 00:36:53,340 --> 00:36:54,340 Thanks, 424 00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:10,440 Fred. 425 00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:15,740 Well, I don't know what can follow that except Don Rickles. 426 00:37:16,140 --> 00:37:17,900 Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Don Rickles. 427 00:37:32,170 --> 00:37:38,410 Mr. Chairman, first to start off with, Red Fox, you're a black man and you're a 428 00:37:38,410 --> 00:37:42,610 credit to your race. It's black or white, it doesn't matter to me as long 429 00:37:42,610 --> 00:37:43,990 don't try to hang around with me. 430 00:37:49,030 --> 00:37:54,530 Now that, right off the bat, now Red knows, now, hey baby, the champion has 431 00:37:54,530 --> 00:37:55,530 charged! 432 00:38:01,610 --> 00:38:02,610 to deal with courtesy. 433 00:38:04,710 --> 00:38:06,010 I feel the same way. 434 00:38:09,390 --> 00:38:14,250 It doesn't matter. The black men you can see by the seating, their position. 435 00:38:16,850 --> 00:38:20,310 Hey, why are we getting into a race riot while we're doing a show here? 436 00:38:21,130 --> 00:38:24,530 The whole audience in the back is going, they're going to be a race riot. 437 00:38:31,500 --> 00:38:33,820 turned out to be a rich... Sit down, you Italian. 438 00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:40,520 Gene Kelly just stood up. God bless him. He's a wonderful guy. 439 00:38:40,780 --> 00:38:42,460 But singing in the rain is over. 440 00:38:44,500 --> 00:38:45,880 Oh, Gene's a great man. 441 00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:50,720 92 to stand with Frank Sinatra and go, singing in the rain. 442 00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:54,940 You people see it on camera as I talk to you and then they go backstage and 443 00:38:54,940 --> 00:38:55,940 go... 444 00:39:09,070 --> 00:39:11,070 Frank keeps going, is the hot water, is the hot water? 445 00:39:12,330 --> 00:39:16,790 Gene, I'll say to you honestly, and first, I will just say, these are Carol 446 00:39:16,790 --> 00:39:17,890 'Connor's closest friends. 447 00:39:21,170 --> 00:39:26,910 Carol O 'Connor met these people in my trailer an hour ago and said, do you 448 00:39:26,910 --> 00:39:27,910 really like me? 449 00:39:31,470 --> 00:39:36,610 But Bob Wood, the president of CBS, came here tonight to honor Carol O 'Connor. 450 00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:40,240 I had hoped a representative, whether it be Dave Tebbett, my dear friend, who 451 00:39:40,240 --> 00:39:43,960 couldn't be here tonight, unfortunately, he's in Greece for their annual Golden 452 00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:44,960 Ward Festival. 453 00:39:47,700 --> 00:39:52,100 We've got one farmer here from Elko, Nevada, going to Golden Ward Festival. 454 00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:55,140 I'll make you feel at home, sir. 455 00:39:56,680 --> 00:39:57,680 Dean, 456 00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:05,320 from the bottom of my heart, God has been good to you. 457 00:40:05,630 --> 00:40:07,970 God has been good to me, but he's been better to you. 458 00:40:16,930 --> 00:40:20,910 Tonight, we are really getting down to the nitty gritty. Carol, I tell you, 459 00:40:20,930 --> 00:40:25,070 Carol O 'Connor, from the bottom of my heart, everything you do on the camera 460 00:40:25,070 --> 00:40:26,070 a lot of baloney. 461 00:40:26,370 --> 00:40:30,390 Socially, you have said many times about the Jews, the blacks, the whites, the 462 00:40:30,390 --> 00:40:33,050 Puerto Ricans, the Mexicans, that you were fed up with the world. 463 00:40:35,340 --> 00:40:38,140 Do you feel you should have a crown and rule the world? 464 00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:43,560 And I go along with that, because with your money, I need you desperately. 465 00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:50,020 But his great words, as Carol, as a graduate of Phi Beta Kappa from Dublin 466 00:40:50,020 --> 00:40:55,780 University, from Wyoming University, said to me, If thy love thyself, thy 467 00:40:55,780 --> 00:40:58,920 thee. Thy know thith, thith thy know. 468 00:41:00,460 --> 00:41:03,260 And my lovely wife said, He's brilliant. 469 00:41:05,230 --> 00:41:10,410 And now my wife is in a state hospital sitting in a hot tub with a duck. 470 00:41:12,830 --> 00:41:17,790 I would like you to know also that there are many guests that they have honored. 471 00:41:17,910 --> 00:41:20,750 This has been the longest night I've ever had in my life. 472 00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:41,820 You know, one of the most important elements in any star's success is public 473 00:41:41,820 --> 00:41:42,820 relations. 474 00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:48,100 We are very pleased to have with us tonight Carol O 'Connor's PR man. 475 00:41:48,940 --> 00:41:51,560 He's one of the biggest PRs in Hollywood. 476 00:41:53,740 --> 00:41:58,280 Ladies and gentlemen, would you all please welcome Mr. Foster Brooks. 477 00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:15,940 Thank you. Thank you very much, Mr. Martini. 478 00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:25,980 Many people wonder exactly what services a public 479 00:42:25,980 --> 00:42:29,480 relations man provides to the star. 480 00:42:32,700 --> 00:42:38,220 My duties are threefold. First, it is my job to create... 481 00:42:45,870 --> 00:42:47,950 It's my job to create a public image. 482 00:42:50,390 --> 00:42:52,390 Image for the star. 483 00:42:53,070 --> 00:42:57,450 And second, I have to see that the star constantly receives... 484 00:42:57,450 --> 00:43:01,130 And 485 00:43:01,130 --> 00:43:09,870 thirdly, 486 00:43:09,870 --> 00:43:12,410 I must see that he has plenty of broads on the road. 487 00:43:22,220 --> 00:43:28,500 With Carol, the most difficult part of my job is convincing people that he is 488 00:43:28,500 --> 00:43:33,300 not like the character he plays in All in the Family. 489 00:43:34,020 --> 00:43:37,780 People are always confusing Carol Bunker with Archie O 'Connell. 490 00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:45,580 But of course, they're totally different personalities. 491 00:43:46,820 --> 00:43:49,100 Archie is a right -winger. 492 00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:55,200 And in the last election, Carroll was McGovern's man. 493 00:43:56,180 --> 00:44:00,040 At least until Eleanor McGovern made him break it up. 494 00:44:08,460 --> 00:44:13,520 People are always mixing up Carroll and Archie. They think Carroll hates people 495 00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:15,340 just because they're black. 496 00:44:16,060 --> 00:44:18,860 And that's not true at all. 497 00:44:19,420 --> 00:44:23,440 I was at Carol's house one night last week and he had two black people for 498 00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:24,440 dinner. 499 00:44:24,780 --> 00:44:26,140 And they were delicious. 500 00:44:32,460 --> 00:44:37,560 You know, it's a wonderful experience working for Carol. 501 00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:41,400 His success hasn't changed him at all. 502 00:44:42,020 --> 00:44:46,420 He's still the same obnoxious slob he always was. 503 00:44:48,780 --> 00:44:49,780 Oh, 504 00:44:51,100 --> 00:44:53,180 excuse me. At that time, I put in an L. 505 00:44:57,280 --> 00:45:03,860 Yes, friend, even though Carol is now a superstar, he never forgets the little 506 00:45:03,860 --> 00:45:08,960 people. In fact, right at this moment, he's paying the rent for three midget go 507 00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:09,960 -go dancers. 508 00:45:12,100 --> 00:45:14,000 Carol's just a regular guy. 509 00:45:14,720 --> 00:45:19,700 If you didn't know who he was, You'd never guess that he was a celebrity. 510 00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:25,820 Unless you happen to see the star -shaped John in his dressing room. 511 00:45:27,020 --> 00:45:28,580 That's where he twinkled. 512 00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:42,780 The press is always asking embarrassing questions of me about Carol. 513 00:45:43,020 --> 00:45:46,890 They keep asking, what does Carol... What does Carol make? 514 00:45:47,590 --> 00:45:49,810 I tell them anything that walks. 515 00:45:53,630 --> 00:45:58,950 Incidentally, I wish I could tell you just how the rest of the All in the 516 00:45:58,950 --> 00:46:01,910 cast feels about Carol O 'Connor. 517 00:46:02,470 --> 00:46:07,270 I wish I could tell you how Bob Reiner feels about Carol O 'Connor. 518 00:46:07,750 --> 00:46:10,210 I wish I could tell you how... 519 00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:17,100 How Sally Struthers feels about Carol O 'Connor and how Gene Stavelton feels 520 00:46:17,100 --> 00:46:19,020 about Carol O 'Connor. 521 00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:21,760 None of them is here tonight. 522 00:46:24,180 --> 00:46:27,140 I guess I just told you how they feel about Carol O 'Connor. 523 00:46:43,700 --> 00:46:49,300 Our man of the week, our number one guy with the number one show, Mr. 524 00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:51,080 Carol O 'Connor. 525 00:47:04,140 --> 00:47:07,080 Thank you, Dean. What an extraordinary group. 526 00:47:11,980 --> 00:47:18,800 Red Fox said to me, these people look like passengers in a Fred McMurray 527 00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:19,800 bus commercial. 528 00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:26,420 I didn't like to correct Red about that, but he really doesn't know much about 529 00:47:26,420 --> 00:47:30,940 the subject of buses. Way back when Red was riding buses, he only saw the last 530 00:47:30,940 --> 00:47:31,940 three rows. 531 00:47:34,660 --> 00:47:39,620 I want particularly to thank Mayor John Lindsay of New York for taking... 532 00:47:40,300 --> 00:47:47,280 For taking time out from job hunting to say a few words for me, 533 00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:52,280 the mayor assumed office about the time Dean Martin started his television show. 534 00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:57,480 The difference is when the mayor stopped being a hit, he gave up. 535 00:48:03,720 --> 00:48:04,720 Registration. 536 00:48:05,600 --> 00:48:06,600 Senator. 537 00:48:07,090 --> 00:48:10,010 Goldwater to fly in from Washington to be here. 538 00:48:10,290 --> 00:48:15,590 The Senate has been very busy working on a plan to get Arizona out of the United 539 00:48:15,590 --> 00:48:16,590 Nations. 540 00:48:20,510 --> 00:48:22,830 Mike Thomas from the Madden Show is here. 541 00:48:23,570 --> 00:48:29,110 How Mike loves his producer for giving him all that action in his scripts. 542 00:48:29,970 --> 00:48:34,060 You know, someone is always trying to... Run over Mike with a car. 543 00:48:34,300 --> 00:48:38,060 What Mike doesn't know is that his producer wants to do a variety show with 544 00:48:38,060 --> 00:48:39,060 Rickles. 545 00:48:41,460 --> 00:48:46,080 Of course, Rickles can't do that. He's not available because Rickles has a 546 00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:48,980 contract with Bob Wood to do four unsold pilots. 547 00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:57,660 One of those three Bob Woods, president of 548 00:48:57,660 --> 00:48:58,660 CBS here. 549 00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:04,320 Bob got the top job at CBS shortly after he staged the break -in at Jim Aubrey's 550 00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:05,520 psychiatrist's office. 551 00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:14,140 And my good friend Dick Martin sitting here, you know, he's married to this 552 00:49:14,140 --> 00:49:18,360 beautiful young little English girl, sweet, light -hearted, loves everything 553 00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:19,360 about America. 554 00:49:19,500 --> 00:49:23,320 No, as we say, putting on the dog for this girl. 555 00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:28,980 Dick bought her a $35 ,000 Stutz automobile. She traded it in for a Honda 556 00:49:28,980 --> 00:49:29,819 case of Dr. 557 00:49:29,820 --> 00:49:30,820 Pepper. 558 00:49:33,760 --> 00:49:35,160 Thank you very much. 559 00:49:36,600 --> 00:49:37,600 Well, 560 00:49:43,980 --> 00:49:45,060 that's our show for tonight. 561 00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:49,640 I want to thank my wonderful guests for being with me and not -so -wonderful 562 00:49:49,640 --> 00:49:50,640 ones, too. 563 00:49:50,700 --> 00:49:53,580 I especially want to thank Carol O 'Connor for joining in the fun. 564 00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:58,220 I don't think it can be said too often that Carol O 'Connor is not at all like 565 00:49:58,220 --> 00:49:59,220 Archie Bunker. 566 00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:02,120 Carol does all he can to help minorities. 567 00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:05,140 He wouldn't think of letting a white man shine his shoes. 49697

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.