All language subtitles for Dharma & Greg s05e02 With A Little Help From My Friend

Yeah!

Hey, let's put our stuff down and go
dance then.

I've been working on my moonwalk.

That's very impressive, but you know,
it's your first night home, so I rented

some movies, I made your mom veggie
lasagna, and I stopped at your herbal

and I got you some healing incense.

You've got me healing incense.

Well, I had a little trouble
understanding the woman, so it might be

that improves your hearing.

I'm so proud of my honey. He went to the
scary hippie store because he loves me.

The lady who stands too close to you
waited on me.

Surprise!

You made me a surprise party.

No, no, I didn't.

Darva, your tribe welcomes you home.

And so do Edward and I.

the police on ourselves and get this
shindig. Shake it. Okay, everybody, this

a really nice idea, but what Dharma
needs is a relaxing night of settling

No way, we have a 20 -pound vodka
watermelon.

That could be very relaxing.

Watermelon will keep.

Oh, yeah, until Rosh Hashanah.

People, this is a woman who's just had
major surgery. What she needs is to

You know, she does look a little tired.

Well, that's what I said. This is just
too much for her. Too soon.

And she looked pale.

Well, I think that's just the
unfortunate color she's wearing.

If you ask me, she looks overheated. You
know, actually, she's feeling great.

She's probably thirsty.

Where is that vodka, Mellon?

Maybe she'd like some juice. People,
what she needs is to rest. No, no, she

needs something in her stomach first.
She won't want this lasagna.

Hey, here's a crazy idea. Why don't we
ask her what she wants?

She sounds upset.

That's right.

She's tired.

All right, let's get her into bed. Yeah,
yeah, I'll go change. Thank you very

much, Larry. Kitty, have you put on a
little weight?

What? Yeah, see, you hear that?

Well, Marcy's all excited.

I got Lalit Shaduri to take over my yoga
class.

Well, that's great. Look at this. The
insurance company overpaid by $6 ,000.

Lalit the pretzel Shaduri.

From India.

He can comb his hair with his feet.

See, they sent the doctor a check, and
they sent us a check.

How does this happen?

Here's one for you, Greg.

What's the point of everything?

Okay, why don't we start with your
question?

You think you serve some purpose in this
world, and it turns out you were just

keeping the seat warm until Lalit
Chaudhuri walked in, probably on his

Listen, I know that this is all very
frustrating, but it's temporary. You're

going to be walking again in a couple of
weeks.

Why don't I light your east side
serenity candle?

It stinks, Greg. The lady who stands too
close saw you coming.

San Francisco Hospital Supply. Oh,
great.

Got your bath rail and your shower
stool.

Oh, can you also take a look at her
wheelchair? The right side brake won't

Hello?

Oh, yes, thank you for getting back to
me. I was just going over the bills, and

it looks like you guys made a little
mistake.

Okay, any other problems?

I no longer serve a purpose in this
world.

Uh -huh.

The armrest is loose. Oh.

You got any super glue?

Or the armrest, right?

Yeah.

Because, um, X, Y, T.

Excuse me?

You know, examine your zipper, but T.

Oh. Yeah.

Oh, great. This is probably been
happening all day.

Wow.

The fella said I'd be able to swim with
this.

Uh -huh. Maybe he meant alongside of it.

the toupee. Oh, no.

Yes, you are.

And you know what? Baldness is caused by
having extra testosterone.

It's a sign of virility.

Ah, yeah.

I'll tell you what.

Women like bald men.

I don't think so, really.

Some of them.

I mean, more of them like bald men than
men who are pretending to be something

they're not.

I mean...

Do you like women with those big fake
breast implants?

Sure.

Well, my point is, you're a very
handsome bald man.

Yeah. Come on, say it.

I'm a handsome bald man. Good.

What's going on?

I'm a handsome bald man.

Good.

So much, you know, for this. You're very
welcome, Howard.

Did you see what just happened here?

Obviously not all of it.

I mean, I just helped that guy.

I mean, if we hadn't been in that
accident, I never would have met him and

he would have spent the rest of his life
with a dead weasel on his head.

I have been going to the same places and
seeing the same people for years, but

now the universe is like shuffling the
cosmic deck of cards.

So I was like the four of hearts hanging
out between the six of spades and the

eight of clubs. Now I'm like chilling
with the jack of diamonds. And that's

going to have some kind of an effect on
his life.

See, that's the dharma I know.

You're finding the positive aspect in
this, and I'm having a little trouble

understanding you. So great.

No. Listen, I'm going to call Jane to
see if she can come sit with you while I

go work on this insurance thing. I don't
need a babysitter.

Okay.

Well, then I'll just help you back into
bed.

No, honey, we agree.

We're going to let me handle my recovery
my way.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

All right, well, I have my pager on if
you need me for anything. Okay. And you

can send a text message to the cell
phone. The instructions are on the

Excellent. 80 character limit. Get out.
I'm going.

Mr. Montgomery, I'm sorry you had to
travel all the way down here. We really

should have been able to handle this
over the phone. Did you get the name of

person you spoke with? Oh, it's not
important. Well, it is to us.

Was it Mitzi or Steve?

Was it Linda?

It was Mitzi, wasn't it?

Clerical errors happen. I only want your
company to pay what it's supposed to.

Say no more, Mr. Montgomery.

We know that insurance companies have a
bad reputation, but we're working to

change that. We're the insurance company
that's not afraid to say, we're sorry.

Uh -huh. Would you like some coffee, a
cappuccino, espresso? No, they already

asked me. I'm sorry.

How much are we talking about? About $6
,000.

Well, let's just cut you a check right
now. No, no, no, I already have a check.

Oh, I see. Well, this will just take a
second.

Yeah, Mrs. Lapkus, I have a Mr.
Montgomery here, and he has a check for

Could you bring that down here in cash
and some lemon squares?

No, I don't... Oh, no, pass on the lemon
squares.

Okay.

Cadwell, you're not listening to me.

I'm so sorry.

Because we're the insurance company that
listens.

I'm going to be as clear as I can be.

The anesthesiologist sent us a bill for
$6 ,000.

You sent him a check, and then you sent
us a check.

Excuse me.

I'm Mr. Walden, the area supervisor.

Is there a problem? No, sir. Everything
is fine. This is Mr. Montgomery, and I'm

listening, and I'm sorry.

I don't want to make a big thing out of
this, Mr. Walden, but truth be told, Mr.

Cadwell is not listening.

Wow.

Mr. Cadwell, why don't you get Mr.
Montgomery a cappuccino and some lemon

squares? And while you're at it, take a
minute to think about whether you really

belong in our can -do circle.

All right, Mr.

Montgomery. What seems to be the
problem? And let me begin by saying,

sorry.

Look at all this exercise equipment.

I bet this place is crazy after work.

Hospital, Larry.

Oh, I bet this place is crazy after all.

Hi, Pete.

Oh, hey, sorry I'm late. Pete convinced
me to spend my lunch hour playing tonsil

hockey.

It's fun in a hospital. You get to use
other people's tonsils.

I'll see you tonight, all right?

How you doing?

Fifteen pounds, huh?

Well, I'm glad you would. Pete are
hitting it off so well.

Having only met because I was in a car
accident and needed physical therapy,

another cosmic card shuffling. I don't
know why people have such trouble

believing in these things when the
evidence is so clear.

Look, I am having fun with Pete, but I
know the type. Just divorced, bad

furniture, answers the phone, yellow.

A guy like that doesn't want to get
serious.

Oh, trust me.

This is going to get serious.

You know what? I'm running a little
late. Do you mind waiting?

Why not?

I'm already waiting for a decent job and
true love. This makes it a hat trick.

Wow, what's her story?

Oh, she's a mess.

Okay. She shatters her femur, so she
comes here for therapy, right? And then

finds out her mom, who she hasn't spoken
to in ten years, is upstairs dying.

And the mother wants nothing to do with
her.

That's horrible.

Get to know her. You'll be on the
mother's side.

Maybe that broken leg is going to be one
of the best things that ever happened

to her.

Nice try, lady.

Next time, bring your A -game.

And I'm standing at the altar with Earl,
and I'm looking for my mother, and she

never shows up.

Well, to be fair, Martha, it was your
third wedding in five years. She was at

the first two.

She got married on a boat on purpose.

She knows I get nauseous.

Is that true? Do you know your mother
gets nauseous?

Yes.

Abby, that's going to be Greg. Can you
talk to him for a minute?

Hi, Greg. Hang on.

Gee, this is good. We're being honest.
Let's keep going.

Okay.

I hate your hair. What were you
thinking?

Can I use up all our honesty in one
shot?

I'm sorry, Greg.

She's right here. We're still at the
hospital.

Why? Is everything all right? Can I
speak to her?

No, it's not a good time. She's working
on reuniting a mother and daughter.

What?

All right, let's think back. When was
the last time you two were happy

This is good. She's looking for points
of commonality.

Abby, she's been gone all morning. She
needs to come home and rest.

Just a minute, Greg.

Larry... No, no, not Larry, no.

Come on, there must be something.

We used to go out for banana splits at
Rigby's.

Oh, yeah.

That was next to the store where we used
to get your extra wide shoes.

Yes!

Okay, that's it. We're going out for ice
cream and new shoes.

I told her that I would let her do
things her way. But last night, she

out until 3 o 'clock in the morning. And
why?

They went out for ice cream. And then
they had to take their waitress to a

near San Jose so she could get over her
fear of bats.

I'm sorry.

That's a hard habit for you to break,
isn't it?

12 years down the drain.

Wow. You worked there 12 years?

No, 12 years sober.

My wrongful termination.

So, will you handle the case?

Well, it's the least I can do. I feel
terrible about what happened.

I'll start by writing them a letter.
That's usually enough to scare them.

I want to let you in on a little secret.

When they say, I'm listening, they're
not.

I sense that.

Do you mind if I call my wife?

Yeah, I don't have a wife.

I hope this means you're napping.

Okay, I'll call you later.

Bye. So, if we send a threatening
letter... You know what? She's not

She's probably out teaching gang members
a square dance.

I gotta go. I will call you tomorrow.

No, no, let me by.

I've been calling.

I'm sorry, there's a lot of people. It's
hard to hear the phone. Why are there a

lot of people?

Okay, I told Martha that I would sneak a
pizza into her mom at the hospital.

Martha? Yeah, Florence's daughter from
the family I reunited. Oh, of course.

Yeah, and that's when it hit me.

Disabled people in vans taking food to
shut -ins. Meals on wheels. On wheels.

It gives people in wheelchairs a chance
to help.

And the sick people don't have some
healthy person bringing them lunch. Oh,

healthy and you're not.

Yep.

Sorry, Martha.

You were just in an accident. You can't
go delivering food in your wheelchair.

I have to go. That's how we get good
parking spaces. No, no.

Honey, if you don't slow down, you're
not going to get better.

This is how I'm going to get better.

We talked about this. You said you were
going to let me do this my way. Yes, and

that's when I thought your way was
candles and incense and all that crap.

Well, guess what? It's all this crap.

Okay. You know what? I give up.

I've got to go take a deposition. Here
is my telephone and my walkie -talkie

my pager. Thank you.

Other people call me.

Is Greg okay?

Yeah, he just doesn't understand the
power of what's going on here.

Well, hey, I'm a believer. Because of
Dharma, I may have met a man I could

marry. I'm not surprised.

Yeah, I guess it works for me, too.

If everybody hadn't come together to
help Dharma with the free lunch thing.

Wouldn't have had a chance for a little
sex with the ex.

You see? Good for you.

Can you go get me some more of these
brown bags from the kitchen?

You're sleeping with Pete?

Well, he was bragging about this new
girlfriend and how he was getting some.

You know how sexy that makes a guy.

Some coffee?

It's possible that maybe you and Pete
are just taking this whole thing a

too fast. I mean, whatever happened, did
you have fun?

Dharma, you're the one who said to jump
in with both feet.

Well, I meant like when you do the hokey
pokey. You know, you put both feet in

and then you take them out and turn
yourself about.

Well, hope you're happy, Dharma.

That was my mother and I'm in hell.

Hang on.

What? I thought things were going so
great.

They were when she was dying, but I just
found out she's going to pull through.

Now she's moving in with me.

Her favorite daughter, thank you very
much.

Tomorrow a man's coming over to my
apartment to remove the wallpaper she

And I'm supposed to be there because
apparently he's single and not picky.

That creep.

You mean that creep?

Hey, Nance.

Thank God I never have to hear eat, eat,
eat again.

Hey, want to hear a funny coincidence?

you were cheating on her?

Sounds about right.

Why?

I panicked. All of a sudden she started
saying stuff like, you know, we were

meant for each other and let's jump in
with both feet.

It's all water under the bridge now.

Yeah, I guess I'm all yours, kid.

How is that a turn on? Call me when
you're seeing someone.

I think your muffins are burning.

Hey, Jane, I don't make noises like
that, do I?

I came back. This is ridiculous and I'm
not going to do it anymore.

You're in a wheelchair. You need to rest
and you need to let me take care of

you.

Okay.

I really tried to believe it, but I'm
not sure that guy looked better bald.