All language subtitles for Dharma & Greg s04e08 Charma Loves Greb

Oh, my God. Is this not the most
beautiful Sunday you have ever seen?

Oh, God.

If this day was a woman, she'd have to
beat the other days off with a stick.

Especially Wednesday hump day, get it?

Got it.

Days like this that make me wish I was a
bike messenger.

You going to be ready to go soon? In a
minute.

Okay. I thought we could go down to
Fisherman's Wharf.

and get some lunch, and then go down to
Farmer's Market and get ourselves a

couple of nice, fresh farmers.

Sure, honey. You know how you can tell
if they're fresh or not?

They squeeze you. Get it?

Sounds like fun.

You're not listening, are you? Well,
just let me finish the crossword puzzle.

10 .30 in the morning. 10 .35.

Is it unreasonable for me to want to do
the crossword puzzle on Sunday morning?

No, of course not.

Let me know when you're ready. I will.

Z -E -P -H -Y -R, westerly wind, zephyr.

We're at the farmer's market now.

Sure. We'll keep our eyes open.

Hi.

If anyone notices a five -letter edible
fruit of the Myrtle family, jot it down.

I can't believe that he's indoors doing
the crossword puzzle on a day like this.

I know. I tried pushing the couch out
with him still on it, but he caught on.

Do you remember how well that worked
with your father?

Really? Once.

Did you figure out what you're going to
get Greg for his birthday?

No, not yet.

I could buy him a friend who's been on
the couch with him.

You sleep with him, you're throwing him
a surprise party. If you ask me, you got

a little change coming.

He is so hard to buy for.

You know, he never did use those tap
dancing lessons I got him last year. Oh,

you're kidding.

The hat and cane are just gathering
dust.

I hope you made sure my ex -husband
isn't bringing a date to Greg's party.

Yes, I talked to Pete. He gave his word.
Good.

Do you think he'd be upset if I brought
that guy?

A plan begins to form.

Excuse me, are you the guy who makes up
the crossword puzzles?

The answers will be published on Sunday.

Yeah, I know, that's not why I'm here.

Um, see, my husband's birthday is coming
up, and I'm kind of stuck for gifts,

and I thought maybe you could help me
out.

Try one of those coffee makers that
grinds the beans.

Yeah, those are great, but, um, he's a
big crossword puzzle fan.

Say no more.

What's his name? Greg.

Well, you're gonna love this.

Especially the way you crossed best and
wishes.

Glad I could help. Thanks for stopping
by. Actually, there's one more thing.

Okay, what's your name? Oh, no.

No, it's all right. What's your name?
Dharma.

Actually, there's an H in there. D -H
-A.

Ah, damn, I shouldn't have used that.

Actually, the reason I'm here is I was
hoping you could work the phrase happy

birthday, Greg, love, Dharma, into next
week's crossword puzzle.

Oh, I have a very strict policy on
personal messages.

Any chance it's glad to do them?

Look, if I do happy birthday for you,
next week it's happy bar mitzvah,

Sorry about your loss, Earl.

Chevy Lumina for sale. Low mileage.

Look, my husband is a really hard guy to
buy for.

I mean, he already has a drawer full of
coupon books for treats in bed, which is

partly my fault because in the moment I
tend to forget to collect the coupon.

Look, I thought, wouldn't it be great if
next Sunday, which is his birthday,

he's doing the crossword puzzle, which
he loves.

And there, 38 across.

Dharma loves Greg.

Thank you, Dharma?

Don't thank me, Greg.

Thank the most wonderful man in the
world.

And your hero, Theodore Harrison.

I'm sorry, there's no way I can do this.

How about for a hundred bucks? Done.

Great. If I had struck out with you, I
was going to get a beer stein and a

cockatoo that said there's a fungus
among us.

have any cute baby pictures of Greg
where he has, like, a bowl of spaghetti

his head or naked in the bathtub?

Why would I have that?

Everybody has cute bathtub pictures.

I mean, I got some doozies of Greg in
the shower, but I don't think he wants

blowing them up for the party.

Well, I'm sorry, Donna. This is all I
have.

Okay. All right.

Hey,

Greg opening his checking account.

Sitting on Barry Goldwater's lap.

of Lou Blazer throughout the years.

Hello, Dharma. Hi, Ed.

Kitty, I have a fella here detailing my
car. I told him to do yours, too.

Oh, well, thank you, dear.

Glad to do it. Can I freshen your drink?
Oh, you're a doll.

What are you guys fighting about?

Why on earth would you think we're
fighting?

Did you hear that, Edward? Dharma thinks
we're fighting.

That's rich.

you guys for three years. The last time
you pretended to be that nice to Edward

was after he walked through your book
club in his underwear.

That wasn't my fault. I had a flip disc.

She knows I was hopped up on pain pills.

And were you hopped up this morning when
you gave your ex -wife $10 ,000?

It was a loan.

It was asinine.

Oh, he wants to help the old gray mayor
start a little business.

At least she's doing something
productive with my money instead of

furniture that no one can sit on. Your
money? Oh, why don't we get the lawyers

in here and find out whose money it is.
Okay, well, thanks for everything, guys.

I'll see you Sunday.

What's wrong with helping a person out?
Oh, wake up, Edward. This is not a

person. This is a shrill, pre -outsided
harpy.

Well, it must be my weakness.

Oh, keep on talking. We'll be sitting on
new furniture sooner than you think.

Hey, buddy, no armor all on that white
car.

So you got big plans for a big birthday
weekend?

Not really. Farmer's just going to take
me out to dinner at the club.

Quiet dinner at the country club, just
the two of you.

That's sweet.

Hey, listen.

This isn't the type of office where we
buy each other birthday presents, is it?

Don't worry about it, Pete.

Oh, good.

So no gifts for the birthday boy.

Excuse me.

Look at that.

We've got a client.

Right this way, miss. This is my law
partner, Greg. I hope you can help me.

see, I bought this, and it doesn't work,
so I want to sue the store.

Let me show you.

Pete, it wouldn't.

It's working for me.

Thank you very much, Pete, but this is
really special, but we have actual

clients coming any minute, so... We got
bigger problems than that, Greg.

Officer? What seems to be the trouble?

Hold it right there, miss.

You're not a real law client.

I'm going to have to arrest you.

How great is this?

Terrific. Excuse me.

Oh, please, come on. At least let her
slap the handcuffs on.

Thank you very much, ladies. We're going
to have to take a rain check.

Come on, girls. Just hang out out here
for a minute. Have a soda.

I'll talk to him.

What birthday you got coming up, man?
The big 7 -0?

This may come to surprise you, but I'm
not really into strippers at 9 o 'clock

in the morning.

Oh, well.

We'll have a couple drinks, and then
we'll bring them back in. We got 45

minutes.

We have work to do.

So do they.

Thank you for the birthday present. I
really appreciate the sentiment.

Forget the sentiment. They frisk each
other.

I'm sure they do.

Hi, Grandpa.

Go talk to the girls.

I'll be back in like 41 minutes.

Hey, you got any singles?

I'm going to need some tucking in money.

Hello? In the kitchen.

Hey. Wow.

Is that Greg?

Yeah.

But he turned out fine.

Honey, we need to talk to you about
something.

Shoot. Your father and I have given this
a lot of thought, and as long as you're

having Greg's birthday party at that
country club, we cannot attend.

So here's your present.

What?

I thought you were over your problem
with the oppressive elitism inherent in

private watering holes of the Uber
class.

We are, but it has come to our attention
that the fat cats at that country club

are committing environmental genocide.
And why?

So they can build themselves another fat
cat driving range. It's a sweater.

What are the cats doing?

Abby? They're relocating wild bees.

Yeah, ants, squirrels, and birds, and
chipmunks, and rabbits. No, actually,

Larry, it's just bees.

Just bees?

Nothing furry? No.

I'm sorry, Dharma. If you want us to
come, you'll have to find some other

to have the party. It's tomorrow, Abby.

Oh, wait a minute. We're giving up a
free buffet for some lousy bees?

You know, they're giving up their homes,
Larry.

Oh, so what?

I'll be there. No!

You will not!

Oh, come on. I was with you on fur. I
was with you on the owls. I was with you

on that creepy little fish with the
underbite. But I gotta draw the line on

bees. You know, I think maybe we should
discuss this at home, Larry, after

you've read the literature.

I'll see you tomorrow.

You will not.

You could have told me it was just bees.

I told you three times, Larry. That's
your answer for everything, isn't it?

Happy birthday, old -timer.

Thank you.

Here's your muffin and your coffee and
your pencil and your crossword

puzzle.

Thank you. Looks like a good one this
week.

You know what? I've been thinking. We
should get out and do more stuff on the

weekends.

No. No.

It's Sunday.

It's your...

Do your crossword puzzle. No, I can do
that any time. Come on, we'll go

rollerblading. No, rollerboring.

Hey, check this out.

Six letters.

A mug, hat, snack, or a coal mine
fatality. What in the heck could that

Canary. You're ready, too. Nope, we're
going to go out and enjoy the day.

Oh, four -letter word for crap.

Skate's gone.

Well, you know what they say. Most
skating accidents happen when you're

your socks on too fast.

Sit down. I'll get you some ice. No, no,
no. I'll get it. It's your birthday.

You sit down. You relax. Do whatever you
want. Here's your crossword puzzle.

Thanks.

What are you doing?

Just gonna watch some football.

Instead of your crossword puzzle?

I can do both at the same time. I should
hope so, a man of your education.

Don't worry, I got it. You just didn't
show your crosshair.

Hello?

Hi, Pumpkin. Hey, Laird. What's up? Did
you talk to Abby?

Yes, I did.

And I think we're all on the same page
here.

That's great. So she's coming.

No, not that page.

I was wrong about the bees, and I can't
come either.

Larry, don't do this to me.

Hang on.

Hello?

Dharma, I'm in love.

Great, Jane. I'm very happy for you. I
got a problem with my parents. Can I

you back?

Sure. I just wanted you to know I have
to bring him to Greg's party.

Hang on.

Hey, Larry, I'm back.

Who's this?

Dharma.

Hey, I was just going to call you. You
did, Larry.

Well, that's gonna be tough, because
we're not coming.

I gotta go.

Jane? It's been a long time since I had
a good orange. Jane?

See, I just got divorced.

Are you there, Jane? You can't bring a
date. You and Pete agreed, no dates.

Hang on.

Hello? Donna, Edward, and I regret we
will be unable to attend Gregory's

No, no regretting. You have to not
regret that.

Everything all right?

Everything's fine, honey. Everything's
fine. Husky dory.

I'm sorry.

Dama?

Hang on, Kitty.

Hang on, Jane.

Honey, you forgot your crossword puzzle.

Oh, you know what?

I'm not going to do it. It's kind of
hard this week.

Kind of hard? What kind of talk is that?

Just not into it. Would you need an
easier one?

How about the ones in the TV guide?

Ah. Two letters. Duke blank hazard.

Is that easy enough?

Why are you being so mean to me?

Because I hate it when you give up like
this.

Jane. Jane, you can't bring a date.

Jane.

Jane.

Jane.

Kidding?

Sorry, we will meet you for a drink
before or after, but we will not set

that country club. Why?

Does this have anything to do with bees?

Bees?

Hang on.

Hello? Ma 'am, let me just start by
saying this is not a sales call. I'm not

selling anything. Listen, I'm sorry. I
can't talk right now. What would you say

if I told you that you could save $20 a
month on canned goods?

I don't know what I would say. Can you
hang on?

Hello, Kitty?

It's York.

Country club?

Yes. And Edward got his ex -wife the
catering contract for the whole damn

You want the money paid back, the woman
has to get some work.

Well, why doesn't she go back to her old
line of work?

Or is the fleet not in?

That's completely uncalled for.

And what are you implying?

Kitty, I'm coming over.

I'm sorry, I'm going to have to take a
beating on my can goods. I'm up to my

in bees and ex -wives.

I got some errands to run. I'll be back
in a little while. I want that puzzle

done by the time I get back.

Happy birthday, sweetie.

You know, you are so smart the way you
figure all this out.

Susie Street Pulpit?

Yeah, I have no idea what that is.
Neither do I. That's because you're not

trying. Now get to it, Susie Street
Pulpit. Go.

Drank a little better?

No, but I'm not going to baby it.

Hi, darling.

What are you doing here?

I thought I'd drag the birthday boy out
for a round of golf. Well, I'm sorry, he

can't play golf. He's doing his cross
proposal.

Come on, it's a beautiful day. How many
Sundays do we get like this? Yeah, sun's

out. Big deal. Get a life.

Listen, James is creating a date to the
party tonight.

Wait a minute. We agreed no dates. Yeah,
cry me a river. What do you want me to

do about it?

I can't show up alone.

Then get yourself a date.

Tonight?

Forget it. I just won't go. Okay, I
swear, if one more person tells me they

not going to this party tonight, I will
reach into their chest and pull out

their beating heart and I'll just get a
date.

Oh, come on. It is your only son's
birthday.

How can you not be there? Dharma, if you
don't think this pains me, you're

wrong. But as long as that woman is
catering this affair, I cannot attend.

Ginny... I am sorry.

I'm a very sensitive person. I have
feelings, too.

I know you do. Well... You're a kind and
gentle soul.

But did you ever consider the fact that
Edward's ex -wife will be running around

in an apron waiting on you?

You didn't, did you?

It would be somewhat humiliating for
her. Cocktails at seven dinners a day.

And by not being there, the country club
wins.

They don't know you're home protesting.

They just get to go on killing bees till
the cows come home, and then they'll go

after the cows.

You know, you're right. I have to be
there and make a statement. Right.

Yeah, somebody's got to speak for the
bees. Sure.

But no signs, no marching, and no
throwing honey on people.

Don't worry, honey. I won't disrupt
Greg's birthday, but if I get a chance

get up on my little soapbox... Soapbox!

What? That's a cheap pulpit soapbox. I
gotta go.

Grandma, I gotta tell you, I'm not
really in the mood for a big dinner.

lighten up. It's your birthday.

Well, about seven fingers, it hasn't
been very fun.

I know.

I'm sorry.

But this is gonna make everything all
right.

We'll have a nice romantic dinner, some
wine. I even thought you might be able

to finish this.

Why did you bring the crossword puzzle?

Because you're almost done. See, soapbox
gives you Xanadu and Ombudsman. Dharma,

I don't give a damn about the puzzle. I
want to go home. Well, you can't. Why

not? Because of this.

in here.

And that there.

There, now read it. 89 across.

Charma loves grip. Not Charma.

Dharma loves grip.

You did this. What a great present.

Yeah. Well, next year you're getting a
tie.

Why is it grip?

76 down is hogtied, not hobbled.

Oh, look at that.

I love you, Charma. I love you, grip.

Can we go home now? You know we can't.

Come on, we'll just go in there and give
him a chance to yell surprise.