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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,980 --> 00:00:03,960 Wouldn't it be great to live in a world where everything could be settled with a 2 00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:06,960 handshake? Hi, I'm Greg Montgomery, attorney at law. 3 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:09,280 Maybe someday it will be that simple. 4 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:13,900 But until then, if you have a legitimate legal problem, you need an honest, 5 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:15,040 reputable advocate. 6 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:16,560 Someone you can trust. 7 00:00:20,660 --> 00:00:24,180 You may never meet me, but aren't you glad to know I'm here? 8 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:26,140 I know I am. Whoa! 9 00:00:28,910 --> 00:00:30,650 Let's take it from your last line, Mr. Montgomery. 10 00:00:33,850 --> 00:00:34,850 And action. 11 00:00:38,510 --> 00:00:42,050 You may never need me, but aren't you glad to know I'm here? 12 00:00:46,870 --> 00:00:48,410 Oh, he's not going to do the whole thing? 13 00:00:50,690 --> 00:00:52,250 But aren't you glad to know I'm here? 14 00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:56,350 I know I am. Oh, did I just say yeah? 15 00:00:58,190 --> 00:01:00,510 I'm hungry. I probably said that because I think I'm hungry. 16 00:01:01,030 --> 00:01:02,690 But aren't you glad to know I'm here? 17 00:01:03,490 --> 00:01:04,709 I know I am. 18 00:01:05,470 --> 00:01:06,470 I know. 19 00:01:07,630 --> 00:01:08,630 I am. 20 00:01:11,450 --> 00:01:12,450 Oh, what's the line? 21 00:01:13,470 --> 00:01:14,470 I am. 22 00:01:16,150 --> 00:01:19,890 I know I am. Yes! Oh, you didn't say cut. 23 00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:22,730 But aren't you glad to know I am here? 24 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,560 But aren't you glad to know I'm here? 25 00:01:31,180 --> 00:01:32,180 I'm sorry. 26 00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:35,100 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I really am. 27 00:01:58,800 --> 00:01:59,920 but aren't you glad to know I'm here? 28 00:02:00,180 --> 00:02:01,300 I know I am. 29 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,400 Yes! Take 26. Nailed it. 30 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,820 Well, uh... What do you think? 31 00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:10,100 Gregory, how could you do this to me? 32 00:02:10,759 --> 00:02:12,520 I'm sorry. Exactly what did I do to you? 33 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:14,220 I don't even know where to begin. 34 00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:15,500 I just... Edward? 35 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:23,360 Well... We have done everything for you! We sent you to the finest schools you 36 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:26,420 could have been, anything you wanted to be. And here you are, selling yourself 37 00:02:26,420 --> 00:02:28,340 on television like some sort of a... 38 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:29,580 Magic mop. 39 00:02:30,780 --> 00:02:31,860 Okay, Dad. 40 00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:35,140 Well... You see, you've broken your father's heart. 41 00:02:35,500 --> 00:02:37,300 Just because he did a commercial? 42 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:39,040 I agree with that word. 43 00:02:39,580 --> 00:02:40,920 Advertising causes desire. 44 00:02:41,260 --> 00:02:44,760 Desire causes discontent. And discontent causes suffering. 45 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:48,600 Therefore, the cause of all suffering is advertising. 46 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,380 And war and disease. 47 00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:58,500 Sorry, Greg, I think you're encouraging people to litigate the same way gun 48 00:02:58,500 --> 00:03:01,880 commercials encourage them to shoot each other. There are no gun commercials. 49 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:03,280 Small victory. 50 00:03:04,060 --> 00:03:05,060 And bullets. 51 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:06,900 Bullets cause suffering. 52 00:03:08,460 --> 00:03:12,740 Hold on a second. Don't you think I know that most of the lawyers that advertise 53 00:03:12,740 --> 00:03:17,400 on television are sleazy ambulance chasers? But why can't a lawyer with 54 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,920 integrity show people that there's another choice out there? 55 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:23,800 So that when someone's being oppressed by Injustice Larry, they can call me for 56 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:27,000 help. And maybe I'll make a little money doing that, unless there's something 57 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,860 wrong with the free market system, Dad. 58 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:33,200 Well, soon that phone is going to ring, and at the other end is going to be 59 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:36,100 someone who really needs my help and has nowhere else to turn. 60 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,800 Okay, maybe not now, but eventually. 61 00:03:45,060 --> 00:03:46,520 Whoa, freaky. 62 00:03:48,940 --> 00:03:49,940 Let me. 63 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:55,020 Greg Montgomery, attorney at law. How may I direct your call? 64 00:03:56,220 --> 00:03:57,840 Please hold. I'll see if he's in. 65 00:04:00,060 --> 00:04:06,920 Thank you for calling. Your call is very important to us. 66 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,420 And will be answered in the order in which it... Uh, Greg Montgomery, 67 00:04:10,420 --> 00:04:11,420 at law. 68 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:13,099 Oh, yes. 69 00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:14,100 The commercial. 70 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:16,579 Thank you. Thank you very much. 71 00:04:17,769 --> 00:04:18,769 How can I help you? 72 00:04:20,170 --> 00:04:22,510 Dharma, it's for you. 73 00:04:23,450 --> 00:04:26,250 They want you to be in their commercial. 74 00:04:28,270 --> 00:04:29,270 Hello? 75 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:30,970 Oh, thank you. 76 00:04:31,650 --> 00:04:33,110 Yes, it was my first commercial. 77 00:04:33,950 --> 00:04:35,710 No, I don't have an agent. 78 00:04:36,530 --> 00:04:38,050 But I do have a lawyer. 79 00:04:38,470 --> 00:04:39,890 I'm going to have you talk to him. 80 00:04:41,930 --> 00:04:43,070 They liked my work. 81 00:04:44,830 --> 00:04:46,990 I can't believe I'm going to be in a beer commercial. 82 00:04:47,530 --> 00:04:50,150 Listen, Dharma, we need to talk about how to handle these negotiations before 83 00:04:50,150 --> 00:04:51,150 these guys come in. 84 00:04:51,730 --> 00:04:52,730 Anaconda Ale. 85 00:04:52,830 --> 00:04:55,330 The being that squeezes the life out of you. 86 00:04:57,890 --> 00:05:00,390 Come on, be serious. There's a lot of money involved here. 87 00:05:01,290 --> 00:05:02,290 Anaconda Ale. 88 00:05:02,530 --> 00:05:03,710 Hide your pet. 89 00:05:04,330 --> 00:05:07,110 Are you done? 90 00:05:08,470 --> 00:05:09,470 Sadly, yes. 91 00:05:09,970 --> 00:05:10,970 Okay, now listen. 92 00:05:11,130 --> 00:05:16,250 When your loved ones say, A .A., reach for Anaconda Ale. 93 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:21,140 Now in family size. 94 00:05:25,180 --> 00:05:26,180 Done. 95 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:29,740 While we're here, I'm not your husband, I'm your lawyer, which means you have to 96 00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:30,860 trust me to handle the negotiations. 97 00:05:31,420 --> 00:05:34,600 I trust you completely. They're going to want to get you for nothing, and I want 98 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:37,520 to get you the best deal possible. So there might be a lot of back and forth, 99 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:38,379 might get a little heated. 100 00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:39,740 Are you trying to turn me on? 101 00:05:40,860 --> 00:05:44,020 Let me do the talking. These TV ad guys can be pretty slick. 102 00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:45,280 Because you are. 103 00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:47,260 Hi -ya! 104 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:51,600 I am so sorry we kept you waiting. It's my fault. I was on the phone with my 105 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,000 mom. It's her birthday. 106 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:55,040 Pretty slick. 107 00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:58,100 Hi. I'm Greg Montgomery. This is my client, Dharma. 108 00:05:58,440 --> 00:05:59,840 Montgomery. No relation. 109 00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:03,800 I'm Jay, and this is Adam. This is very exciting. 110 00:06:04,300 --> 00:06:07,360 We have been killing ourselves trying to find the right woman to be our 111 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:12,200 spokesperson. And then yesterday, I turned on the TV channel 63 or something 112 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:16,440 up there, and I saw your commercial. And that's why you're here. Well... 113 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:17,960 Maybe we're here. 114 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:20,820 Or maybe we're running late. 115 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,960 For the sake of argument, let's say we're here. What exactly would be the 116 00:06:27,100 --> 00:06:29,280 It's scale payment plus residuals. 117 00:06:31,020 --> 00:06:32,020 Touching! 118 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:37,540 Maybe kaching. Could be kaching. We'll know when we get here. 119 00:06:40,460 --> 00:06:45,060 I think that what my client's saying is you've made a nice opening offer. 120 00:06:45,870 --> 00:06:46,990 We have our only offer. 121 00:06:47,250 --> 00:06:50,910 Oh, also, we should ask if you're okay working with a six -foot snake. 122 00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:53,710 A six -foot snake? 123 00:06:54,050 --> 00:06:55,970 It keeps getting better and better. 124 00:06:58,170 --> 00:06:59,170 Excuse us for a moment. 125 00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:04,110 You're making it difficult for me to negotiate. 126 00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:07,490 I would do this for a box of donuts and a poke in the eye. 127 00:07:14,220 --> 00:07:16,700 We may not be as far apart as I initially thought. 128 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,120 I've been shipwrecked on this island for three weeks. 129 00:07:29,780 --> 00:07:31,220 I didn't know anyone else was here. 130 00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:32,279 That's so. 131 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:33,360 What can I get you? 132 00:07:33,660 --> 00:07:36,000 You wouldn't happen to have an anaconda ale, would you? 133 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:37,440 Coming up. 134 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:42,120 Do you have an opener? 135 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:43,320 Do. 136 00:08:16,430 --> 00:08:18,230 Let me know when you're ready for another. 137 00:08:28,810 --> 00:08:29,810 Anaconda Ale. 138 00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:31,090 Hide your path. 139 00:08:33,190 --> 00:08:34,190 Anaconda Ale. 140 00:08:47,210 --> 00:08:48,109 That's my girl. 141 00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:54,110 Excuse me, but what happened to advertising being the root of all evil? 142 00:08:54,110 --> 00:08:55,570 evil. My kid's on TV. 143 00:08:57,110 --> 00:08:58,530 So how are you going to spend all that money? 144 00:08:59,070 --> 00:09:03,070 Well, I'd like to do something for the community, you know, give something 145 00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,290 Good for you. Yeah. 146 00:09:04,590 --> 00:09:06,570 You know that vacant lot down the street? Yeah. 147 00:09:06,970 --> 00:09:08,210 I'm thinking Ferris wheel. 148 00:09:09,370 --> 00:09:12,970 But first I'm going to pay back the loan Greg took out for his lot commercial. 149 00:09:13,190 --> 00:09:15,150 No, honey, I'll pay back the loan with the money I earned. 150 00:09:15,580 --> 00:09:18,780 Why don't we pay it back with the money I earn? Because the money you earn is 151 00:09:18,780 --> 00:09:19,780 yours. 152 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:21,540 So what's the money you earn? 153 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:23,520 That's ours. 154 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,960 Okay, I don't want to rock the boat here because I think I'm getting a pretty 155 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:31,520 sweet deal. But can you explain that to me? Sure, it's simple. The money you 156 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:34,180 earn is yours and the money I earn is ours. 157 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:38,080 Wow, it's so much clearer when you repeat exactly what you just said. 158 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:43,500 All I'm saying is that I'd be more comfortable paying my bills with the 159 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:44,500 earn. 160 00:09:45,820 --> 00:09:49,420 Because I'm a woman? No, no, it has nothing to do with that. It's just that 161 00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:55,540 money you earn is your money, and the money I earn is ours. 162 00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:01,760 Hey, Pete, that $500 in my savings account, is that mine or ours? 163 00:10:02,900 --> 00:10:03,900 That's gone. 164 00:10:26,590 --> 00:10:27,830 happy with my long distance carrier. 165 00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:32,670 No, I'm not interested in a friends and family package. Frankly, I'm more in 166 00:10:32,670 --> 00:10:33,670 touch with them than I want to be. 167 00:10:35,290 --> 00:10:38,150 Let me ask you a question. Do you ever reach out and smack someone, program? 168 00:11:24,170 --> 00:11:25,190 It's not chasing if it's parked. 169 00:11:30,210 --> 00:11:31,210 Hold the door! 170 00:11:32,370 --> 00:11:35,310 Hey, I know you. You're the guy from the law commercial. 171 00:11:37,090 --> 00:11:40,530 Good news, I finally got a case. 172 00:11:41,150 --> 00:11:44,310 Oh, honey, that's great. If I'd known, I would have used tongue. 173 00:11:45,770 --> 00:11:48,410 Anyway, you know how you say the universe provides? Well, the universe 174 00:11:48,410 --> 00:11:50,390 a pothole, and this guy fell in it and broke his foot. 175 00:11:50,590 --> 00:11:53,390 And I just happened to be there. I didn't have to chase him or anything. 176 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:55,100 Well, that is good news. 177 00:11:55,420 --> 00:11:59,000 Anyway, I brought you these. I wanted you to share in my success. 178 00:12:02,140 --> 00:12:04,800 These are beautiful. 179 00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:06,240 I love them. 180 00:12:08,140 --> 00:12:10,300 Hey, I have some good news, too. 181 00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:13,180 I just got my first paycheck from the commercial. 182 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:18,100 Please tell me you didn't buy a ferris wheel. Oh, no, that was a crazy talk. 183 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:20,040 Those things are pricey. 184 00:12:21,220 --> 00:12:23,260 But I did get a key ball. 185 00:12:23,580 --> 00:12:26,420 Pop a shot, whack -a -mole, and one bumper car. One bumper car? 186 00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:28,640 Yeah, I'm not sure how much fun that's going to be. 187 00:12:28,860 --> 00:12:32,060 But I had some money left over, so I bought you a present. 188 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:33,600 Oh, honey, you didn't have to do that. 189 00:12:33,980 --> 00:12:35,200 Why not? You bought me these flowers. 190 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:37,200 Ta -da! 191 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,080 You bought this for me? Uh -huh. 192 00:13:28,959 --> 00:13:31,340 Yeah. Does it have a good picture? I don't know. 193 00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,800 What are you waiting for? Let's turn it on. Let's worship it. 194 00:13:43,950 --> 00:13:48,070 Your wife got you a big gift with her big giant paycheck, and you're afraid 195 00:13:48,070 --> 00:13:50,970 if you accept it, then that means you're no longer a real man. 196 00:13:51,190 --> 00:13:52,350 Pete, not now. 197 00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:55,210 Listen, buddy, you're thinking about this all along. 198 00:13:56,550 --> 00:13:58,430 So you're not a real man. Who cares? 199 00:14:01,990 --> 00:14:02,990 Please go away. 200 00:14:04,230 --> 00:14:07,490 The sweetest two years of my life was when I was living with that rich old 201 00:14:07,490 --> 00:14:12,350 down the marina, eating like a king, driving around town in her Chrysler 202 00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:13,350 Imperial. 203 00:14:13,550 --> 00:14:14,890 She used to buy me little outfits. 204 00:14:16,750 --> 00:14:18,830 It's no big deal. Once a week, you know. Stop it. 205 00:14:21,250 --> 00:14:23,810 She was a dried up old Gila monster, but let me tell you something. 206 00:14:24,390 --> 00:14:26,630 She did things young gals will not do. 207 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:47,180 you something me and the boys used to say around the marina she wants it more 208 00:14:47,180 --> 00:14:53,100 than once a week you ask for a car in your name 209 00:14:53,100 --> 00:15:00,000 is he like glued to it 24 7 no actually i don't even think he's 210 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,620 turned it on but anyway he's been pretty distracted with getting his law 211 00:15:03,620 --> 00:15:09,320 practice going so i thought these would help cheer him up what'd you get 212 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:14,000 diagonal penis in their living room. 213 00:15:16,460 --> 00:15:17,460 Hey. 214 00:15:17,940 --> 00:15:18,939 Where's the new TV? 215 00:15:18,940 --> 00:15:19,940 I returned it. 216 00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:21,360 What? Why? 217 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:22,960 It was way too big for the apartment. 218 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:28,140 So I'll buy you a smaller big one. That's okay. I don't need you to buy me 219 00:15:28,700 --> 00:15:29,700 What's that supposed to mean? 220 00:15:29,980 --> 00:15:32,380 It means if I need a TV, I'll go and buy myself a TV. 221 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:35,560 Jane, I think you better go. 222 00:15:45,260 --> 00:15:49,700 make a big deal out of this. It's just a TV. That I bought because I love you. 223 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:54,000 And I thank you very much for it, but I got you a complete refund, so now you 224 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,060 can spend that money on yourself. 225 00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:59,080 I don't want a refund. I want to spend the money on you. And I don't want you 226 00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,640 to, so let's just drop it. No, I'm not gonna drop it. 227 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,540 What about all the presents you bought for me? Oh, should I go return these 228 00:16:05,540 --> 00:16:08,160 earrings and get a refund? If you're gonna be childish, we can't have this 229 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:09,160 company. Childish? 230 00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:21,240 I'm just mean 231 00:16:55,540 --> 00:17:01,820 No. Listen, this isn't about the TV. The TV is just a symbol of 232 00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:03,920 another issue or issues. 233 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:09,440 Okay. 234 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,099 For the first time in my life, I'm failing. 235 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:35,260 the money from the trust fund and i've fallen flat on my face you know the 236 00:17:35,260 --> 00:17:39,480 commercial was a stupid idea the the only client i have i actually did have 237 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:46,440 chase because the ambulance started to pull away why didn't you 238 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:52,020 tell me any of this because um things were going so well for you i didn't want 239 00:17:52,020 --> 00:17:56,960 to bring you down and i didn't want you to think you were married to a loser oh 240 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:58,760 you stupid stupid mole 241 00:18:21,450 --> 00:18:22,450 Thank you for letting me. 242 00:18:27,270 --> 00:18:29,990 I can't believe you bought all this stuff. 243 00:18:30,650 --> 00:18:33,170 Well, enjoy it while you can. Tomorrow it's gone. 244 00:18:33,430 --> 00:18:36,450 Why? I'm trading it all in for a used tilt -a -whirl. 245 00:18:40,490 --> 00:18:43,510 I can't tell you how relieved I am that we got all this out in the open. 246 00:18:43,710 --> 00:18:44,710 Me too. 247 00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:47,690 So you're fine with me having them bring the TV back? Oh, God, no. 248 00:18:52,330 --> 00:18:53,750 Your money is your money. 249 00:18:54,270 --> 00:18:56,970 And my money is our money. 250 00:18:57,710 --> 00:18:59,950 I really am getting this now. 251 00:19:01,010 --> 00:19:02,270 It's supposed to be dumb. 252 00:19:04,050 --> 00:19:05,710 Thanks for understanding. You're welcome. 253 00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:08,690 Oh, excuse me. Can I have the check, please? What are you doing? 254 00:19:09,030 --> 00:19:10,030 Baby steps. 255 00:19:10,130 --> 00:19:15,270 I'm using a small piece of my money as our money. No, this is my way of 256 00:19:15,270 --> 00:19:19,610 apologizing. I'll buy dinner. If you really want to apologize, you'll let me 257 00:19:19,610 --> 00:19:20,610 you dinner. 258 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:25,400 I don't see how this is any step towards anything because I have no problem with 259 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,100 you buying me dinner. It's just, you know, dinner. 260 00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:28,319 Good. 261 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:29,320 I'll take that when you're ready. 262 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,820 Don't you give me your card and I'll put it in here so we can see it. Don't 263 00:19:37,820 --> 00:19:38,820 touch that check. 264 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,560 We have a birthday! 265 00:20:39,340 --> 00:20:40,340 No way. 266 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,200 It's not my birthday. 267 00:20:44,980 --> 00:20:46,600 My wife is buying me dinner. 268 00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:48,100 Baby steps. 269 00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:49,120 No big deal. 270 00:20:49,580 --> 00:20:52,480 And if we're fine with it, we certainly don't owe you people an explanation. 271 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:53,800 Let's go, honey. 272 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:57,840 We're going now. That's a decision she's made, and I'm okay with it. 273 00:20:59,060 --> 00:21:00,060 Really. 274 00:21:01,380 --> 00:21:04,260 I think you handled that very well. Thank you. 275 00:21:08,180 --> 00:21:10,220 Hey, you think dinner's free? 276 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:16,980 Let me know when you're ready for another. 277 00:21:17,260 --> 00:21:19,480 Let me know when... and you're ready for another. 278 00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:28,500 I swear he's crawling into my pants. Yeah, he's up there. 21178