All language subtitles for Dean Martin Frank Sinatra 1978

The Dean Martin Celebrity Robe, coming
to you from the MGM Grand Hotel in the

entertainment capital of the world, Las
Vegas, Nevada.

Ladies and gentlemen, from the beautiful
Siegfeld Room, tonight's star -studded

roast has brought together some of the
world's greatest entertainers. They've

come from all over the world to be here
tonight, here in Las Vegas, in person.

joining Dean Martin as he honors
tonight's very special man of the hour,

Sinatra.

With tonight's guests, Ronald Reagan,
Hugh Kelly,

Don Rickles, George Byrne, Don DeMarie,
Red

Fox, Jimmy Stewart.

Cliff Wilson, Kelly Savalas, Jonathan
Winters, Jack

Putman, Lawanda Page, Red Button, Milton
Burrell,

Ernie Borgnine, Orson Welles, Rich
Little, and your Roastmaster,

Gene Martin.

With tonight's man of the hour,

Frank Sinatra.

truly fortunate to be counted as one of
Frank's friends. I'm pretty lucky.

Every night I get on my knees and pray.
I pray that I can get off my knees.

Yeah, Frank's been a real pill.

Pow!

He helped me when I started singing in
cafes.

And he helped me. Cafe.

He changed it to cafe.

All right.

Helped me with my recording and motion
picture career.

And, Frank, thanks for your support.

Thanks for your support. I swear I'll
wear it till the day I die.

This man's success.

This man's success.

Give you that earthquake.

This man's success should serve.

As an inspiration to every American boy,

Frank Sinatra was born in Hoboken, New
Jersey, as an unwanted child, and now

he's wanted in five states, especially
the state of New York.

As you know, New York City has been
having its financial troubles.

Nobody knew Frank had lent money to New
York until they found the Statue of

Liberty with her arms broken.

only childhood.

When Frank was eight, his father took
him aside and he left him there.

In high school, Frank never participated
in extracurricular activities like

nature study, paintings, or ceramics.

Frank's hobby was a most interesting
one.

He was an amateur gynecologist. Wait a
minute.

of high school, he decided to become a
boxer.

He fought 26 fights.

Half of them were with the cops and the
other half with the photographers.

That's true.

Tommy Dorsey and his orchestra was
playing a nightclub and Frank auditioned

him. Tommy was really impressed the way
Frank attacked those high notes. And for

an encore, Frank attacked the cocktail
waitress.

Sextured and Frank I once played One of
his albums Albums Albums Albums

And he got My record player Pregnant

He's the only guy I know Who wears A
medic alert bracelet On

his wrist Which reads I'm a sex symbol
In case of an emergency Give me a girl

our first guest.

Well, I just want to say that there's no
doubt that when Frank retires, they'll

hang his zipper in the Hall of Fame.

Now, George Burns is truly one of the
great comedians. He's going to be 81

old over here.

for the last three months. He's been
saving up his breath to blow out the

candles.

They're going to put him on his birthday
cake and he's going to come up and blow

them out and here he is, old sugar
throat himself, Mr. George.

You know, Dane,

My sister Goldie is one of your biggest
fans.

When I told her this, I phoned her this
afternoon. I told her I was dressing

right next door to you.

There was a little hole in the dressing
room between us.

And she told me to look through the hole
and tell her exactly what you look

like.

And Goldie got all excited.

She says, please look through the hole.
And I did.

And she's now a Frank Sinatra fan.

We have to do the right business.

So is Tony Bennett and Perry Como and
Andy Williams.

All us great singers.

We've got it made.

You see, when you're a singer, you don't
have to worry about getting laughs.

See, nobody's laughing. I'm not worried.

I walked out on the stage, the girls
screamed.

And there we have something in common.

I get the same thing from the nurses
when I go in for a checkup.

The morning after taking a shower, I
took a look at myself in the mirror.

And I found out it takes very little to
make a nurse scream.

By the way, Dean, did you ever make the
girls scream?

Well, you ought to know. You peeked
through the hole.

I don't know whether you've noticed it,
but as singers, Frank and I are very

much alike.

It's not that we phrase the same way,
and it's not that we sing in the same

And we said you don't have the same
range.

But there's one thing we have in common.

We both open our mouths when we sing.

Come to think of it, we have another
thing in common. We both make records.

He sells his.

I buy his.

And the record she makes is so sexy.

My secretary, Trixie Hicks, she buys
every one of them.

And they're so sexy, every time she
plays a record, she's got to throw a

of cold water on herself.

You ever try to dictate a letter with a
wet secretary sitting on your lap?

It's exciting.

No wonder that women still idolize Frank
Sinatra.

Now that he's older, he's really a good
-looking guy.

It takes a long time to get to be good
-looking.

As I said, when a place got up here, a
singer doesn't have to get a lash.

And when you're an 81 -year -old singer,
you don't have to have a finish.

My next

guest is the

distinguished former governor of the
state of California.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Honorable
Ronald Reagan.

Thank you, Dean. I'm pleased to be here
tonight, honoring my very dear friend,

Frank Sinatra.

I must say that when this program was
being planned, the producer hadn't

what political figures would
participate.

It was a choice between me and Governor
Brown.

And I lost again.

Seriously, this is Frank Sinatra's
night, and I'm here out of gratitude.

Frank worked for me in all my campaigns.

He was with me all the way to the
governor's mansion.

Without his help, who knows?

I might have been president.

It's my considered opinion that the two
gentlemen who flagged me...

would make quite a political ticket.

Frank is president.

Dean is his crawling mate.

Why would Frank Sinatra make a good
president?

Well, let's look at the facts.

He has many friends, and I'm sure he'd
appoint only the most qualified to his

cabinet. Who better than Sammy Davis,
Jr., as Secretary of Health, Education,

and Jewelry?

Of course, in politics, there's always
gossip and ugly rumors.

I'm happy to expose one for the
falsehood that it is.

He has not granted a Pizza Hut franchise
at Camp David.

It'll be in the White House, where it
belongs.

Frank Sinatra will make a president who
is strong on defense, but again will

have concern for humanity.

Scientists at his urging have developed
an intercontinental ballistics missile

that is not a weapon of mass
destruction.

It only hits photographers.

I asked him what he thought of the
energy bill. He didn't hesitate a

said, pay it.

Frank is innovative.

His mind is always working.

But he's also willing to admit when he's
wrong.

I... wanting a comic like Pat Henry to
open for him when he addresses the joint

session of Congress.

And he realized, speak to Congress, the
real comics are in the audience.

He won't have any trouble with Congress.
They'll pass all the legislation he

sends over just to get his autograph.

And he'll settle that canal business,
too.

Animal wants a canal?

He'll give them Venice.

You've probably gathered by now I think
Frank Sinatra would make a fine

president.

But I don't know whether we can get him
to run.

Is it worth it if you have to give up
being a king?

what he really liked. Well, nobody is
closer to Frank than our next guest.

Ladies and gentlemen, here's Frank's
personal chef, Mr.

Dominic Pandoroni.

Thank you very much. Hello, Frank.
Hello. Nice to see you. It's nice to see

too. Thank you so much for telling
people that I am the best cook in the

because it's true.

Ladies and gentlemen, a prune.

Please breathe on the prune.

Stewed prune.

The first time I met Mr.

Sinatra, he came into my restaurant. He
had linguine, masaccioli, and cannoli.

Three of the biggest brawls you ever saw
in your life.

You know, when he's down, he likes, he
says, I want fresh tomatoes.

I want fresh tomatoes.

So I gave him a beautiful waitress with
a filthy mouth.

By the way, I just want you to know that
I have written a pizza cookbook. It's

400 pages.

The first 300 pages are napkins.

Quotations, and one of the best
quotations is from Julia Child, who once

a turkey that she was nothing. You're
embarrassed.

How do you think I feel?

Oh, and Frank is a great athlete. Very
few people know that. He is one of the

greatest swimmers in the whole world. It
is true.

And you know that Frank should be very
grateful to the press, because it was

press who taught him the Australian
crawl.

way with Frank. A long way. A long time
I go back on him.

This far back.

In fact, if it wasn't for me, he
wouldn't be the king he is today.

Remember when the girls were swooning
and fainting? I'm responsible for that.

Yes, at the Paramount. They used to
scream and faint.

I used to give him, before he went on, a
meatball sandwich with a lot of garlic.

And he would sing, night and day, you
are the one.

strangers in the night he was just
coming to the end and I took a spoonful

hot pasta basil with a little bit of
pepper and he opened his mouth I stuck

in his mouth he went oh scooby dooby doo
and every tiny thing

is connected to me you know when he
sings in that part I chewed it

This album, as you can see, is probably
the most popular one Frank's ever taken.

Everybody remembers Frank alone at
night, standing under a lamp post

and holding a raincoat.

I didn't even see this yet. Could I take
a look at this?

That's a lamp post. Yeah, that's a lamp
post.

near this lamp. If I was seeing this, I
could have told you the whole thing. And

the photographer was all set when Frank
said, you know something?

The lamppost, the suit, and the hat,
that's nice, but something is missing.

I don't know what, but it needs another
touch.

Something, I don't know. He said, it's
foggy, misty, and at that moment, some

fellow was walking by in a raincoat.

And Frank pointed at the guy and said,
that's it, the raincoat.

Now, this guy with the raincoat was a
nice fellow and I wanted to thank him

this picture.

He's in the audience tonight as Frank's
invited guest.

And we'd like him to stand up and take a
bow from the L .A. Police Force

Homicide Division, Lieutenant Columbo.

Remembered me after all these years.

This is, I'm flabbergasted. I mean, I'm
just flabbergasted.

I thought that the, you know, the album
came out good. You know, I like the

picture. And, you know, the ring coat
never looked better.

I know you've got other speakers, so I'm
not going to take a lot of time. I

wouldn't do that, you know.

No, I wouldn't do that.

I want to tell you it was a beautiful
introduction speech.

Thank you for the introduction.

One quick question, if you don't mind.

Those shoes, they're not rentable.

No,

I feel a little self -conscious.

being here because I'm not dressed.

But, well, I knew it was a big affair.

But I didn't know that I was going to be
brought up here.

And if I had known, well, I don't know
what I would have done because this is

all I got.

You know, when I got the invitation,

I was at home.

I was about, oh, 5 o 'clock in the
afternoon.

You know that they come in the form of a
telegram.

They don't come in a regular mail.

No, they send you a wire.

And I counted the words.

63 words. You can imagine what that
cost.

I don't know if you know that.

Oh, here it is. I got it right here with
me.

This is the way you get invited here to
this.

Now, uh...

This is not a night letter. This is a
regular television.

But this is not the original.

This is a Xerox. I wouldn't bring the
original.

You could lose that now.

The original, my wife, she took that
right away to the bank and she put that

the safety deposit box.

Until we could get the good frame, you
know. Then it goes right up there on the

wall next to the album cover, you know.

We'll get that frame.

Let's see now.

Excuse me one moment, sir.

Are you through with that cocktail
napkin there?

No, I'm in. Thank you very much.

If you don't mind, sir.

You know, I figure you do it now and you
get it done. That's all.

Uh, just take it. Just take it.

Now, put... No, sir, if you don't mind,
would you put two Lieutenant Colombo...

Frank Sinatra. That's all. That's good.

That's good enough. You don't have to
write out Lieutenant. L -T period. I put

-T already.

Could you put to the Mrs.? Lieutenant
Colombo and Mrs. Colombo.

And Mrs. Colombo. Frank Sinatra. Good
luck. You sure that's all you want?

it? Yeah, that's it.

Can I say love?

Love? Love? Say love. Yeah.

All right.

Could you put the missus first?

The missus. The missus.

Colombo. Colombo.

And the lieutenant.

Got you.

What happened there? When this
invitation came, you know, the family,

crazy.

One said, ask them this, and the other
said, ask them that.

Well, you know, on my wife's side, you
know, they know about show business

there. Oh, yes.

Like Dominic.

Well, he's from Hoboken, like you were.
Oh, yeah? Not that he knew you. He

didn't know you. Oh.

But he knows show business. He knows
Broadway.

Well, he sold Bible supplies in the
Times Square area.

This is his home, I guess.

just glows in the dark.

Well, anyway.

Anyway, he married this girl Teresa.
She's also from Hoboken.

And when you, Frank, you know, when you
were in those days when you were singing

at the Paramount, she worked in the
Orange Julius there in the corner. She

hostess there, you know, showed people
to their stools.

So this is what they wanted me to ask
you. Now, remember, this is them asking,

not me. I'm out of this.

What they claim, they claim a few years
ago when you

retired was because your voice, you got
a little tired.

See, they claim now that when you make a
record, that Jerry Bale does the

singing for you.

Let me give you this. This is from my
wife.

Lasagna.

You know, it's all fresh tomatoes, and
she made the pasta herself, and I hope

you enjoy it.

Thank you very much. You're very
welcome.

Listen, don't bother washing out the
pot, because that's Teflon.

She used the steel wool that scratches
the bottom.

You could rinse it out with water when
you're done.

And there's an address in there, then
you just drop it in any mailbox.

I have to return the gentleman's pen.

Borrow the pen.

I borrowed the pen. That's right. Thank
you very much.

Art's delicatessen.

Do we dance?

Oh, that's a wonderful place.

Do you want to keep the pen?

Huh? Oh, that would be lovely. Thank you
very much.

Thank you very much.

Did you ever get a chance to go into the
arts? I don't know. They got there an

early bird dinner.

You get there, if you get there before
five, you know, you get the main course,

the choice, the soup and salad and the
beverage, the dollar money.

This is, I want to ask you a last
question.

This is very hard to ask.

But you know, my wife went crazy when
she got the invitation. Oh, you need a

of nerve to ask this, I don't know.

You know, my wife is watching, you know.

And I don't even know if you're
permitted to do this.

Well, you see, in my family, we get
together every month. We all sing.

And, you know, I'm the worst singer, and
you're the greatest singer, and they're

all out there watching. Would it be
possible?

Not a whole song. Just a... Not a whole
song.

Bye -bye, plant bird something.

citizens in Hollywood. A fine gentleman.

A magnificent actor.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Jimmy Stewart.

Thank you,

Dean. It's always nice to be invited to
one of these roasts because it means

that I'm able to see you, Dean.

Now, I just hope that in your condition
you'll be able to see me.

I'm awful glad to be here tonight
because for a long time I've wanted to

little incident involving Frank and a
Western movie he made two years back. Of

course, I feel sort of qualified to talk
about Westerns because I've made my

share. As a matter of fact, at one point
in my career, I was making so many

Westerns, I was the only actor in
Beverly Hills who had a saddle on my

When we do those westerns, we usually go
out on location to one of those small

towns way out in cattle country.

I remember on one occasion we went out
to a little place in Utah to make a

picture, and we thought the good
citizens would be thrilled to have us

people talking and rubbing shoulders
with them.

As a matter of fact, they hated the
whole thing.

And later on, I found why.

It seems that a Western had already been
made a few years earlier.

Something called Sergeant Three,
starring you, Frank, and the

rest of the guys you used to call the
Rat Pack.

Now, this little town in Utah used to be
a very quiet and decent little town.

In fact...

It was so moral, they didn't even have a
town drunk.

The men of the town had to take turns.

You know what I mean. It was a sleepy
little western town where the big

excitement was watching the sun set
about 5 .30 or so.

But that's before Frank and the guys all
got there and started throwing wild

parties. After that, the sun began
setting later and later, 10 .30, 11 .30,

midnight.

You know, the sun was no dummy. It
didn't want to miss any of the action

A couple of times it didn't set at all.

It just stayed up all night and tried to
fool around with the moon.

Yeah, Frank, you...

You and your rat pack did a lot of wild
things making that movie.

And when I met the mayor, he told me
that he was willing to overlook all

beds you took out of the hotel and the
statue from the front of the library.

But there's one thing he still can't
overlook.

He sure wishes you guys would put back
the library.

You know, Frank...

To this day, your exploits are talked
about in uptown.

They've become kind of a legend.

And every night at the saloon, the
bartender gets up on the bar and recites

epic poem. It's much like the face in
the barroom floor or the shooting of Dan

McGrew.

And about your guys. And I'd like to
read the poem, if you don't mind.

And it goes like this.

Frank and the boys came into our town,
but not to do riding and roping.

These sergeants three soon went on a
spree, and they started in grabbing and

groping.

They made the girls swoon at the Long
Branch Saloon, where each sang a love

so pretty, that one by one, when their
song was done, they tried to make out

with Miss Kitty.

bought some grain at a feed store
because he had just heard the news that

let the grain stay out in the rain, it
would turn into next year's booze.

Yes, our little town was turned upside
down when Frank and his clan did their

thing. Now the cows, they don't move.
They go scooby -dooby -doo.

And the school bell goes ring -a -ding
-a -ding.

sisters up here on the dais.

They're all doing quite well, even the
one to Paige with her big mouth.

Red Fox is doing great.

He held out for a window in his dressing
room, and he got the window, but he

can't find a woman to come in and clean
it.

Sammy Davis found out our people are
doing so well, he's trying to pass for

black.

because it was he who got me in the show
business.

When Frank played the Paramount in New
York, I was an usher.

And he was such a smash hit, the girls
got excited and threw everything up on

the stage.

Their stockings, high -heeled shoes,
blouses, girdles, panties.

After everyone left, I climbed up on the
stage, picked up all that stuff, and

that's how Geraldine was born.

Frank Sinatra as well as anyone.

She's the original president of the
first Frank Sinatra fan club ever

Please welcome Mrs. Gladys Hornsby.

There ain't no hope.

Please hold it down.

The shame and humiliation I've spared
this man.

Over the years, I've lived with pain,
scars, and secrets.

But tonight, tonight you'll learn the
truth about Frank Sinatra.

eating a hot dog.

Oh, you look so thin and tan.

That's the hot dog!

I really look beautiful for Frankie's
opening, girls. I spent so much time on

makeup. I didn't have time to shave my
legs, so I put them up in curlers.

can you say about Milton Berle anybody
who says he isn't funny he's seen

his act ladies and gentlemen a man who

has made a major contribution to the
world of comedy Mr. Milton Berle

Dean, thank you. Of all my
introductions, that was the most recent.

But it's a great pleasure, ladies and
gentlemen.

Hi, Frank.

Hi, Bill. Enjoy yourself.

Hit somebody.

And by the way, I forgot to announce,
all of Frank's pals couldn't be here

tonight. Half of them couldn't find time
and the other half are doing it.

There's Red Fox.

Red Fox, old blue eyes say hello to old
blue jokes.

Say hello to Fox. Isn't he beautiful?

His grandfather picked cotton and it
went to Red's head.

my friend, Flip Wilson.

Flip recently went to Africa to search
for his roots, and he traced his family

all the way back to Detroit.

Now, let's get back to our guest of
honor, this gentleman here, this aging

Anka.

Frank, I am really glad that you came
out of retirement.

Too bad your voice didn't join you.

Remember, when you could really hit
those high notes, one day Sinatra was

singing at home, hit a high C and spayed
the dog.

I'm sorry, Flip, I shouldn't have said
spayed.

The day this man cuts a record right
away, it's a hit.

Remember, I did it my way.

I tried it his way and I was in traction
for three weeks.

I love you. Today, Frank's enough as the
king.

Today, he speaks to God, not in prayer,
but on a one -to -one basis.

This man calls dial a prayer to see if
he got any messages.

And I understand, I don't know if this
is the truth, but I understand.

understand that frank is going to rome
he's going to speak to the pope he wants

the pope to make him a cardinal and that
way we'll only have to kiss his rings

little surprise for you and even a
bigger surprise for our guest of honor,

Sinatra's ex -bodyguard, ladies and
gentlemen, Mr.

Carlo Cappuccino.

Say hi.

I can say hello from a frank strength.

It took me five years just to find his
body.

You should have

seen the

way he looked then.

He looked like he was given the kiss of
death.

And it was really tough.

You could walk ten blocks and never
leave the scene of a crime.

Seriously, though.

I really had a tough job keeping up with
this man.

One day he's in England.

Next day he's in France.

Then he's in Germany.

I can't tell you how many times I found
him abroad.

from this Italian sex pot.

And some of these women are wild.

One of them broke into his room and
threatened him.

In order to protect myself, I threw
myself on her body.

General Mr.

Red. What?

Arbino.

Arbino, whatever you're sucking up
tonight.

This must be the roast to end all
roasts. Because as I look around the

see a lot of heavyweight hunkies.

That's right, with the exception of Flip
Wilson, Wanda Page, and myself.

I haven't seen this much white meat
since my Thanksgiving turkey exploded.

But I'm happy to be here tonight to
honor Fright because this man, like me,

up in the toughest part of show
business.

The trenches.

The battlefield. In other words, the
nightclubs.

And remember those who knew Frank?

They always had the same lineup of girls
singing to leading the tap dance and

the juggler.

The juggler was the guy who kept the
books.

Frank was even tougher for me. At least
he worked in the fancy nightclubs in Las

Vegas with Dean, Joey, Sammy, and the
rest of the guys.

I had to play small clubs in
Mississippi.

While he was singing and dancing with
the Klan, I was running from it.

There was a time long ago when Frank and
I both played Atlantic City.

But what a difference, Frank.

What a difference.

What a band.

Frank was at the 500 Club on the main
drag and I was at the Club Harlem, which

naturally was in the black, in the back
of the beach.

Now, in that part of Atlantic City, if
anything white came in, it was a shark.

We had a big ring and a black suit. It
was a lone shark.

Frank, a lot of nice things are being
said about you tonight, but if I had to

say one thing, and it's this.

I think a guy who's outspoken, and
that's you, baby, that's you.

You say what's on your mind, you say
what's in your heart, and you don't give

damn about consequences.

And because of that, here's the best
compliment that I can give you. As far

I'm concerned, you are the white Andrew
Young.

good buddy, Mr.

Gene Kelly.

Thank you, Gene. It's a great pleasure
for me to be here to honor Frank Sinatra

because we've been friends for, well,
no, I won't say how long, but for quite

long time.

We both came to the coast in the early
40s, and each of us were filled with

and ambition, and we started out
together in that fabulous factory of

fantasy, Metro -Goldwyn -Mayer Studios.

Of course, at that time, Hollywood
wasn't as built up as it is nowadays.

For instance, Hollywood Boulevard, which
today has an entire sidewalk of stars,

had only one star on the pavement.

Be mine.

It was this celebrated era that Frank
and I made our first MGM musical,

Anchors Away.

There were many musical numbers in
Anchors Away which required Frank to do

of dancing. Now, Frank never danced
before. That's true, he never danced

and he needed plenty of rehearsal.

And I must tell you really truly now
that he trained for that film like a

fighter going into the ring. And he
turned into a hell of a dancer.

What a time we had tonight.

What a day!

It turned out to be good, and the studio
executives liked it so much, they

wanted us to play sailors again in a
film called On the Town.

So we re -enlisted.

By that time, we'd become really good
friends.

He was a special kind of guy and very
generous.

If you admired his tie, he'd send you a
tie just like it.

If you said, I like your suit, Frank
would send you a suit.

If you said, I like your girl...

He sent over two guys named Carmine and
Nunzio.

Well, here we are in white uniforms.

and women are all in silken satin. So
the fellas say, there's just one thing

necessary in Manhattan when you've got
just one day. Gotta pick up a date,

seven or eight on your way in just one
day.

New York, New York, a wonderful town.
The rocket is up and the battery's down.

The people ride all on the ground. New
York, New York.

I'll tell you, Dean, in the act of these
movies, we got a little tired of

playing sailors.

So we asked the studio to take us out of
uniform.

And they did.

They put us into take -me -out -to -the
-ball game.

And we wore baseball uniforms.

And I'll tell you, Frank, being a
swinger, it was pretty tough.

Convincing him that baseball was the
great American pastime.

No, I think maybe taking out of the ball
game was our favorite, right?

One thing more.

You know, in that last TV special we did
together, you sang and I danced to a

tune called Nice and Easy. And I bring
that up now because as I try to sum up

our relationship over the years, that
seems to say it.

Nice and easy.

And for that, this battered old Irish
hoofer.

It says thanks from the bottom of my
heart.

Ladies and gentlemen, the star of Kojak,
Mr.

Ellis Ballard.

It's the most exciting I think that's
ever happened in Nevada.

No Italian has ever received such
distinction.

As a matter of fact, in your honor, all
the pizza parlors in Las Vegas are

closed forever.

Frank is busy writing his autobiography,
and the reason I'm here tonight, I do

admit there is an ulterior motive.

He's making a major motion picture on
his life.

He's already purchased the right, this
major motion picture company.

And I must say, I would love to play the
part of Frank Sinatra in that film.

Why not?

I mean, if I made the story of Frank's
life, I could do everything Frank does,

with one exception.

After the stories I've heard here
tonight, I'd need a stuntman for all the

scenes.

You may be wondering why Frankie doesn't
pay the lead in his own film. Okay.

Frank doesn't get along well with
photographers.

His first picture for MGM was Anchors
Away.

He had a love scene with Catherine
Grayson. He slugged the camera in for

to take his picture.

I'm not going to give a thought.

We know that nepotism runs rampant in
our business.

We know that when you run out of
relatives, you take care of your Italian

friends first.

So what chance does a little Greek boy
have in the streets of New York?

I happen to know they're considering
your buddy Dino for the role.

Last night at the bar, he took one of
the chorus girls up to his room, and one

minute later, he was back.

I asked him what happened.

He said, I did it Frank's way.

a lovely lady, wonderful and warm
person, Miss Loana Page.

Thank you for listening, Wino.

I saw you in the casino last night.

Man, you were so smart.

You took a slot machine by the arm and
tried to smooth -talk it into coming up

to your room.

That's all you've been winding up with
lately.

Lemons.

Don't start pulling on my skirt either
with them hot, honky hands.

jockey shorts that half made.

Get a load of this dick.

Look at all these white faces couldn't
make a lady snowman.

What you laughing at, Milton Byrne?

With those buck teeth, you look like a
chipmunk in heat.

the Pillsbury Doughboy with the moose.

Don't you start nothing, George Burns,
you old geezer.

Honey, he's so antique, he keeps his
waterbed filled with geratons.

Look at Don Rickles and tell us about
his laughing.

Lucky you and Kodak didn't sit next to
each other.

The NBC censor would have made you two
bald as the way of Brazil on your head.

What you laugh about, Ruth Buffett, you
ain't exactly a sex

symbol, honey.

You could stroll naked through a camp of
lonely lumberjacks and all you'd pick

up would be splinters.

Mr. Francis Albert Sinatra.

You've always been posing and strutting.

You're supposed to be a big man.

Well, let me tell you something, turkey.

Honey, we'll chamberlain to slam dunk
you and still have room to palm a

watermelon.

in the fourth court of the Chinese
theater.

So what's the big deal?

Everybody figured someday you'd wind up
in cement.

None of us will ever forget Frank's
Oscar -winning performance as the tragic

little soldier Maggio in that immortal
movie From Here to Eternity. Well, we

have a big surprise for you, Frank,
because with us tonight is that brutal,

sadistic boss of the stockade who made
your life so miserable.

Fatso!

means you too, booze baby.

I know you weren't with us in Hawaii on
December the 7th, but anyway, you look

like you were bombed before Pearl
Harbor.

We meet again, Aunt Lasham.

Sit up straight.

Yes, sir.

Sit down.

Shelter's back sucking your gut.

Oh, my God.

You know, Marshal, I hated you from the
very first day that you walked into

Schofield Barracks.

You were pale, pasty, you were skinny.

I looked at you and said to myself, the
Army must be desperate.

They're drafting linguine.

Just having you in the platoon was
embarrassing. to every man in it.

On a day when General MacArthur left the
Philippines and said his immortal

words, I shall return, I shall return.

How you made us cringe when you yelled,
when you do, bring booze and broads.

Yeah, Marshall, those were the good old
days.

But if I ever had to do a job on you
again, it'd be all different, boy.

No more punching or kicking. Nah, none
of that.

I got a torture that's even worse.

The day I throw you in a stockade, lock
you in solitary for 24 straight hours,

I'd make you listen to nothing but
Donnie and Marie records.

Longer than most, I respond with some
trepidation to this opportunity to speak

of history's first finger -snapping
pope.

It began, you know, in the bad old days
when I was on the radio playing The

Shadow, and Frank was at the Paramount
looking like The Shadow.

The Shadow said, Who knows what evil
lurks in the hearts of men?

Believe me, Frank knew.

Only a few seasons ago, you'll remember
that he announced his retirement.

A sad day.

Every motel in America flew its sheets
at half -mast.

I guess I'm here for reasons of
seniority. As for the other speakers,

well, there's certainly a lot of them.

Ex -governors and secretaries of states,
a tantalumalian grab bag of distressed

comedians, and a bald -headed Greek
tragedian whose chief claim to fame is

he gave new life to the lollipop.

You know, I've made a little documentary
film for this occasion, but I see there

won't be much time. My subject was
Frank's home, the royal residence in

Springs.

I opened the film with the palace gates
bearing as it does the family coat of

arms. It depicts the entire Sinatra
family pushing Wayne Newton into the

Of Sinatra, the humanitarian,
philanthropist, what can I say?

He's in doubt some fascinating
scientific research. The new birth

device, for instance, so much surer than
the pill.

At bedtime, the couple is shown a print
of Frank's movie, The Kissing Bandit.

This renders reproduction of our species
impossible.

Since it's difficult to make love when
you're fast asleep.

Now, in closing, I'd like to speak as an
Italian.

And I am an Italian, the hard way by
marriage.

And while I can't claim to have risen to
those loftier circles of high society

where the bent nose and a slight color
flowering of the ear are signs of chic,

what I have learned is that with all
Italians, there's some questions...

It's healthier not to ask.

Certain things are, shall we say,
arranged.

Thus, I do not know, and I don't want to
know, how in the world it came to be

that when my daughter was brought to the
fount to be baptized, it was Don

Francisco here, who was, you should
excuse the expression,

The Godfather.

Now, this isn't a joke. Who would joke
about a thing like that? My own

who's sitting right out there, really is
Sinatra's godchild. Believe me, if it

were otherwise, I would have been a lot
sassier tonight.

Whatever I've been saying here, Don
Francisco, it's strictly in front.

And actually, with a godfather like
that, you watch your lip.

Well, now, Mr. Red Button, please.

surrounded by Italian singers.

Have you noticed, folks, our business?
Most of the singers are Italians.

Most of the comedians are Jewish, which
is ridiculous.

There's very little difference between
the Jews and the Italians. One year of

high school.

The man himself, Francis Albert Sinatra.

Singer, swinger, actor, director,
producer, businessman, tycoon.

And on the seventh day, he rested.

I think it was Billy Graham who once
said about this man, there for the grace

me goes God.

Yes, my friends, why? Why are we giving
this man?

Why are we giving this man a dinner when
some of the greatest Italians in the

history of the world never got a dinner?

Sophia Loren's new baby. Who said to
Sophia, is that all for me?

Christopher Columbus.

You said the Queen Isabella. I keep
telling you the world is round. You're

one who's flat.

Never got a dinner.

Patricia Borgia, who said that she was
silent dreams. Boys, name your poison.

Martin, who said to Yogi Berra, repeat
after me.

Ball, B -A -L -L.

Bat, B -A -D.

Glove, J -L -O -V -E.

Julius Caesar, who said he's being
stabbed by Brutus.

Well, I guess you know you just blew the
Christmas bonus.

He never got it, did he?

Marco Polo.

Marco Polo said to his wife, hey, are
you crazy?

I just traveled 10 ,000 miles from China
to bring this spaghetti. You want me to

go back for the meatballs?

as to Milo, who said to Colonel Sanders,
that sure is finger -licking good.

Romeo, who said to Juliet, for a better
romance, get off the balcony and get on

the pill.

Never got again.

First baseman Joe Torre, who was too
chicken to play catcher because he said,

who wants to be known?

as chicken cacciatore.

I admire a guy like Frank.

He's a self -made man.

All his life, Frank did what he wanted
to do, and he did it his way.

Of course, he had to check it out with
the boys first.

The boys.

Why do they call them the boys? Do you
ever see any of the boys?

Tough -looking guys. I saw one guy who
could make a fist with his nose.

He had a beautiful home in Palm Springs.

He often plays golf with, like, Burt
Lance.

Of course, he won't let him keep score.

Remember when he won the Oscar for From
Here to Eternity? That was a terrific

performance. And then much, much later,
he retired.

He said he wanted to spend more time
with his friends.

When they found out he was out of work,
he didn't have any friends left.

I want to say, one moment, I did one
picture with Frank.

the detective, which was one of the most
memorable moments in my career. I love

him for tonight, being in here, betting,
and I love him for that picture, and

thank you all.

Our next guest is not a member

of the theatrical profession.

He has been closely linked to Frank in
the past.

He is the man that drove...

the bus when Frank went from city to
city on his concert tours.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Alwood
Suggins.

I put on more than you did. I remember
when I could grab you, clear around the

bone in your body.

Went from here to whatever that bone
was.

Well,

I did drive Frank.

I called him just Frank. A lot of guys
would say Frank Francis Albert.

I just called him Frank, right?

a man here. What's him?

I know who you are. I've seen you on TV,
Mr. Martin.

I know how close you guys are all the
time, flying around in a crop duster.

At any rate, I did.

I didn't prepare nothing. I just, all
these people and show business and

everything.

The only people that I've ever seen was
Frank here.

I did see Helen Forrest one time,
sitting alone in a diner in Boise.

I remember Tommy and Jimmy Dorsey always

calling him Mr.

D and Mr. D, and Frank called him
things, boy, and I tell you, and

He gave me salutes I've never seen.

In those days, I was just driving him
and instruments.

And we had over 75 horns.

In fact, in the back, I've seen Frank
with his face up to the window like this

with all kinds of saxes crowding him.

He'd have little booze, and I'd have
something my brother made.

He's Catholic, as you know, and I'm non
-denominational.

I don't want to offend anybody.

But what kept him going is still this.
His fingers alone were good. That man

has fingers on these two fingers. I'm
talking about that. That's a thumb.

That made his career. I don't care what
they tell you at the Paramount or any

place else. This man did this on the
fly.

is good to me.

He'd give me five or ten when we hit a
major town.

You don't need no money here in
Plainfield. There's none there.

He fixed me up with girls. One girl
didn't have but one good eye. The other

was shriveled.

My boy, he said, look at the rest of the
machinery.

He did a thing I just wanted to leave
you with one thing which I think is just

little segment of humor and a picture of
what a beautiful man this is and why

this dinner, which it's probably never
going to be served. I have seen no food

at all.

I have seen no food.

I haven't seen a salad. Usually you just
get something.

I guess it's all they're going to hit us
real quick.

That'll be the time to do it. Frank is
in.

Yeah, right now.

But what we did, this is the last thing
I want to say and then I get off.

Frank, I love you.

Boots you got on there. They're up there
here and he's got a knife in one there

on the right.

I'm just as scared, Frank, and I drive
Route 55.

I've got a military boy, K -Bar, on me.
I got a guy the other day, boy, just

stuck him against a sheet of aluminum.

I'm not proud of that, but I had to.

I hate violence, but if it comes my way,
I love it.

That's the reason I've never joined any
one religion. I just, you know, I never

would have killed a man or grabbed him
and kissed him.

We was coming out of St. Louis, and the
Dorseys, they was always, one of them

had a Cadillac and the other one was a
Zuttenberg.

And they had chauffeurs. They'd change
off all denominations.

And Frank and me was in the instrument
bus, all the instruments in there.

And Frank had purchased a dog. He was
the only time I'd ever seen him really

bombed and really just where he was out
of it completely.

And he was using his hands a lot like
his, hadn't closed his fingers. And he

said, I got a little dog here. And he
put it in a paper bag. It was a black

white dog. It had a little spot up here
and his tail was black and the rest of

it was white.

And he said, let's put the dog on the
hood instead of that regular thing.

So we pulled off Route 59,

I believe it was. A lot of times we'd
get off the road and just stay off the

road.

Most of the people going by anyway, you
know, brothers would go by first and

there'd be enough snow on you, you
couldn't see for an hour.

Musicians would be just walking down the
highway like this. Yeah, yeah.

They were the strangest people I ever
knew in my life.

Frank was all right. He knew where he
was all the time.

I've seen 37 of them stand up one time
and a major benefit, and there was no

instruments in their hands.

People are like this. Why? Why?

And Frank was that old black man.

He was a big deal of things.

But this dog was up on the hood, and it
would come back and forth on the hood.

He said to me, he said, Elwood, tie the
dog down. And I said, well, it'll make

the dog mad. And I said, it's snowing.

It snowed. It set in a lot heavy.

And the dog, we was doing good. We was
doing about 80. In those days, you could

do 80.

And we just had all the money out the
windows. And the guys would grab it in

motorcycle and go on basket.

So Frank had a lot of jewelry, too, a
lot of times in his hands. He'd just

them some quick ice, you know, in the
air.

But at any rate, the dog come back and
got caught into the wipers.

Yeah, I know.

I know how animal people are because
that's the way I was. And we

went on into Boise that night.

That dog is still going.

You know, thank God to think that Frank
and I just let that happen because it

kept the dog from freezing to death.

All the things that Frank does for
people. He does a lot for animals

that's always eating him alive by that
dog.

He puts the dog back into the bag. He
was just as hard man as a carp.

God love you, Frank.

Old Blue Eyes is back again. I hope him
Blue Eyes is always back.

I wish I had more something to give you.
I had something, but I was rolled.

He's Bogart. He's Wayne.

He's everybody but actually Mr.

Rich Little.

I don't believe this. My whole act alive
and well and living here at...

down there. I don't want to go out with
no girls tonight, Ma.

And you want to know why?

Because I'm ugly.

And you want to know why I'm ugly?

Because you and Paul were ugly. That's
why.

Oh, Gene Kelly there, too. I'm singing
in the...

Look, look, look at this hockey puck.
We're in the middle of the Nevada

The man's singing in the rain.

It's good to be here to honor Frank
tonight.

But not everybody I know shared that
opinion. For instance, Truman Capote

said...

Sinatra, I think it's ridiculous.

All he ever does is go out every night
and brawl and punch and hit.

It's disgusting. It's degrading. And in
a strange way, it's rather exciting.

And George Burns told me...

That's like putting Fonzie in the White
House.

Now, Frank's a nice kid.

And as a singer, it's hard for me to put
him down. You can't put down another

singer.

But he doesn't know how to put over a
song.

You see, Frank, a song should go
something like this.

When somebody loves you, it's no good
unless he loves you all the way. So hug

like a flower.

Come to me, a flower.

Love and let me learn the letter of
life. You've got a million.

Let's ask one of Frank's neighbors in
Palm Springs to say a word in your

Gerald. forward.

as a special surprise to our man of the
hour.

The audience may not be familiar with
the name Jilly.

None of you people don't know who Jilly
is. It is always a famous word, well,

with us and with Mr. Sinatra.

You've never even heard of Jilly,
Father.

Well, maybe, here he is, Jilly. There's
no Frank without Jilly.

I came out of respect. I came out of
admiration for most of all.

I came out of fear.

I remember the night Frank came into my
joint.

About three in the morning. He had just
left the old Morocco.

Big deal.

And he brought some of his friends with
him.

They were very high class. The A group.

You know the... trying to wash their
hands before they eat.

And then spend a half hour looking for a
clean spot in a roller tower.

Frank, I know you got a lot of important
people up here.

So I'll just say what I've been saying
to you for the first 30 years.

I'll be waiting in the car.

TV series CPO Shockey, which is a big
hit on the NBC network.

Mr. Don Rickles, everybody.

Frank, may I say publicly to you, is the
bomb of the year.

I don't like to hear that.

It's gone.

To my black brother's red fox, Cliff
Wilson, the one to pay.

Sorry.

It's your whole life.

Your dear, wonderful, wonderful new
wife, Barbara. Barbara?

The one with the diamond on her nose.

I have a Jewish wife. She doesn't do
that. She has so much jewelry on, she

keep her head up.

I'll laugh. Enjoy.

I'm singing in the rain.

I'm singing in the rain.

I'm singing in the rain. I'm singing in
the rain. I'm singing in the rain.

I'm singing in the rain.

I'm singing in the rain. I'm singing in
the rain.

I'm singing in the rain. I'm singing in
the rain. I'm singing in the rain.

Guy said, you stink. And Julie walked
over and said... They

killed the Don.

It's a man that's in charge of the
Italian people.

Huh?

Jews don't do that. We make a phone
call, give a few dollars, and they all

away.

I didn't hold no grocery store up.

And the homeless people go, any trouble?

And my dear friend, Jack Klugman, from
Quincy, one of the great actors who said

to me, get me a broad, a monkey, a dog,
anybody.

Get me an old moose, anything.

And Ronald Regan, our great former
governor, who said to me,

Pope couldn't be here tonight. He's
looking for a war.

You know, I never tell the truth.

I exaggerate. I make fun of blacks,
whites, Jews, Italians. Well, Jews.

We're the chosen people. We had a few
bum breaks. I must admit that. The Red

trick.

Good.

to wonderful Peter Fork. Over here,
Peter. Look at this side.

It's a Ruth Buzzy who everybody laughs
at about her looks.

Red dog.

And Austin Wells, 30 years ago you were
handsome and now we're going to put

Goodyear on your face and fly you over
the beach for a half hour.

You know the girl who kept checking with
him knowing, is that funny?

I love you, Milton.

It's over.

And Luanda will come in on Tuesday. Just
the furniture.

From Murray Franklin's to the big lights
of Las Vegas.

This wonderful gentleman that we honor
tonight was in my corner then. He's in

corner now.

We do not dance together.

We do not break bread every day
together.

But when I'm in his company, Dean knows
this and you know this.

I speak of him with love.

And I tell you, we have been blessed to
have such a man. Good night.

And now...

It is my privilege and very pleasant
duty to introduce our guest of honor.

I'm a good buddy.

What can you say about a guy that's
already a legend?

The accomplishments of Frank Sinatra
have been documented in the history of

business.

You can find him listed in some books as
a singer.

In others, you'll find him listed as an
actor.

But in my book, he'll always be listed
as a friend.

The best.

This business isn't as easy as it looks.

You endure a lot of hurts and scars
along the way, and whenever Frank found

I was hurting, he was always there for
me.

There's lots more I could say, but at
this moment, my emotions prevent me

from... translating my feelings into
words.

So I'll just say, here's the man of the
hour, the man of the year, and my

personal vote for the man of the
century, Mr. Frank Sinatra.

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you, Dean,
and all of you roasters and our

roastette.

I'm here tonight for a very simple
reason.

I will repeat what Dean said except
change it around. I love Dean Martin,

for more years than we want to mention.

And if that upsets Anita Bryant, so be
it.

And, Dean, I hate to spoil your image,
but I have to tell the people...

The Dean I know a little bit about, a
good deal about. He's not a drunk, and

is so far from the fumbler he would have
you believe he is.

It's all a charade, really.

But it entertains people, so he carries
on with it.

And Dean has probably brought more fun
into my life than anybody I know.

As for this evening, I've enjoyed every
week of it.

I enjoyed the jokes, and I enjoyed the
serious part that Don Rickles did.

Everybody doesn't have to be funny all
the time.

And Don proved it again tonight.

And that's how to express my thanks to
all of you on the dais for being my

friends. We don't have time tonight.

Or this year, for me to put it all into
words.

But you may believe me, if I knew how to
hug a dais, I would do it.

Everybody on this dais.

By your talents, you bring light into
darkened worlds and lives.

And by your work, you change the world's
subject from sadness to laughter.

And that is a rare gift that I cherish
and admire in all of you people.

You've cheered America.

And in my book, that's win, place, and
show.

Because without the laughter you
provide, without the escape you create,

your songs and your entertainment, the
brilliant colors you add to a black and

white world, that world would have more
time to cry.

You get applause, but never enough.

But what is enough if only once in your
life you cause the friendly smile to

wipe out a stranger's tear?

I love you all. Thank you very much.

May I say that I hope you all live to be
a thousand years old.

And the last voice you hear is mine.