Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with a smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all

seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it, love is all

need to waste it. You can have a town, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

Hi, Mary.

Hi, Georgette. How are you?

Fine. We just came from lunch.

Yeah, terrific place.

Great atmosphere.

Yeah, it was behind the car wash.

The food wasn't good, but the dishes were spotless.

Actually, lunch was kind of a celebration in honor of my raise.

What raise?

You haven't renegotiated your contract yet. It's just a mere formality, Mary.

Lou's going to give me a raise this year.

Oh, what makes you so sure?

Because I've got a new agent.

Someone who believes in me, cares about my welfare.

Someone who's willing to march into Lou's office and do battle for me.

Who's your new agent?

I am.

You're going to represent Ted?

Uh -huh. He's even paying me the standard agent's fee, 1%. 1 %?

Uh, Georgette, you better be going home.

Oh, should I? Yeah, I'll see you later. You go home and practice being tough.

Hi, Georgette. Hi, Lou.

Wait, I meant, hi, Lou.

What was that about?

Well, Lou, you know, my contract is up for renegotiation.

And this year I've chosen to be represented by a new agent.

Who?

Georgette.

Oh, no, Ted. I don't negotiate with wives, especially Georgette. But, Lou...

That's final, Ted.

All right, all right.

Took her off to lunch for nothing.

Mary, I need a small favor. Can you sew?

Oh, not very well.

Would he need a button or something?

No, some alterations on my old army uniform.

Nothing to it, nothing to it.

Just let out the jacket about three inches and the pants about four.

Are you crazy?

Larry, I wouldn't ask if it wasn't urgent.

Well, what's up, Lou?

You expecting a war?

Worse. My old army buddies have a reunion every ten years, and this year

having it in Minneapolis, so I have to show up. Mr. Grant, I am not a

seamstress. Well, I'm sorry.

I guess I'll have to try and let it out myself.

I just want to tell you one thing, Mary.

If my pants fall down, it'll be on your head.

Who is this?

Master Sergeant Lou Grant.

Ben Selwyn.

Hi.

Hey, I'm sorry. I wanted to take him home after the reunion broke up, but he

wouldn't listen.

Mary, Ben and I had an argument.

Ben here said that there were no great broads left in the world, and I said

there are.

Broads? You know, the kind a couple of guys could pop in on in the middle of

night and she wouldn't get mad.

And the kind who would invite them in and make them breakfast and sober them

Oh? And who might that be?

Ah, you know, Mary, you're a great broad.

Broad, Mr.

Grant. Oh, come on, Mary.

Don't give me that.

Broad, Mr.

Grant.

That's a compliment.

It's three o 'clock in the morning. Mary, you have a reputation to protect.

I never wanted a reputation as a great broad.

Well, you got one now, so you better live up to that.

Please, Mary, a soldier's honor is at stake here.

So, what'll you two doughboys have?

Coffee'll be fine.

Great broad.

Yeah, isn't she?

Mary, would you believe it, but Ben here...

Saved my life during the war.

I mean it.

If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be sitting here right now.

Thanks a lot, Ben.

What happened was that I went AWOL. And when they came around to take a bed

check, Ben here took care of it by slipping under the covers.

But he never got back to his own bed in time.

So they marked him AWOL.

and they threw him into the stockade.

Come on, Lou, it was nothing.

Nothing? Nothing?

Here I am. Mary?

Mary?

Mary? Yes?

Do you know who was in charge of that stockade?

I haven't a clue.

Maurice the Ape.

ever saw. If you like guys with hair all over their bodies, you would have loved

this guy.

I mean, he used to be able to hide sandwiches in his chest.

Ooh, was he rotten.

Mean and rotten. You know, if he got a guy that he didn't like, you know what

used to do to them?

Wake them up at three in the morning?

No. He used to lift them up and bang their heads on the ceiling until

their brains got like scrambled eggs. Mr. Grant, please.

All he ever did to me was break my nose and loosen a couple of teeth.

For some reason, he liked me.

That was 30 years ago, Mary, and this bum here still won't tell me how I can

him back.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you. Hey, hey, listen.

Yes, yes.

Listen. I realize.

that I was crazy breaking in on you like this.

I guess I had a little too much to drink.

Oh. Yeah.

And I wasn't thinking straight.

I'm really sorry.

But you're not mad at me, are you?

No. Are you sure you're not mad at me? I'm sure I'm not mad at you. Oh, good.

All right, guys, come on in.

You know, I came in early this morning and caught him trying to hide all the

typewriters.

Let's just make sure that nobody bothers him today.

Oh, relax, man. Nobody around here is going to be dumb enough to go near him.

Hi, guys. Blue Wind.

He must listen at the door.

Ted, would you hold it down? Mr. Grant has a terrible hangover.

Hangover?

Terrific.

Terrific? Yeah.

Because I have to go in there and negotiate with him.

And you have a much better chance of getting whatever you want when the guy

you're negotiating with is at a disadvantage.

Yeah, well, Ted, I don't think today is a good day to talk to him about

anything. Oh, don't be silly. When am I going to get another chance like this?

I came to negotiate.

Go away before I eat your face.

No, no, no, no, no. You wouldn't negotiate with George S. You're going to

to negotiate with me, Lou.

Some other time, Ted. Now, Lou.

Okay, Ted, okay. We're soft.

Very soft.

Okay.

Now, in addition to more money, these are some of the other things I want.

First, I want my dressing room redecorated. And I don't just mean a

That's what you always give me, a paint job.

This year, I want wallpaper.

A new rug, some Danish modern furniture, and maybe a cat.

Okay, okay, it doesn't have to be a real cat.

Say, you think we might be able to discuss money, Lou?

Tell you what.

Suppose I change my mind.

Suppose I agree to negotiate with Georgette like you wanted. When?

I'll see her this afternoon. You mean it?

Thomas, if you leave now, quietly.

Okay. Thanks, Lou. I really appreciate this. I'm so happy we made it to

I'm so happy.

What? I said, Yahoo!

What do you think, pal?

Hello, Ben. Lou?

some sensational news for you.

They're bringing back Prohibition?

I'm finally gonna let you off the hook.

I'm gonna let you pay me back for saving your butt.

Oh.

Get me married.

Get you married?

What's that supposed to mean?

Hey, come on, pal. You're in the Army. You don't need diagrams.

I'm sorry.

I can't.

Pal, you owe me this favor.

All you gotta do is ask her to go out with me. That's all.

You... You just want me to ask her to go out with you. That's all.

Well, okay, but if you want to go out with her, why do you need me to ask her?

So put in a good word for me, Lou.

Soften her up. You know, it's like in the army.

You pound them with your artillery until their resistance is broken.

Then you send in the troops.

I don't want to pound Mary with artillery.

Let me know what kind of a woman she is.

Oh, yes, I do, Lou.

Mary's different.

She's somebody special.

It's not like the girls I'm used to.

Don't worry, she wouldn't be just a one -night stand.

You really mean that?

Absolutely. Marry someone I'd be proud to take to Vegas for the weekend.

Mary back from lunch yet?

No, no, Lou. What's up?

Don't worry, I did a terrible thing.

I owe this old army buddy a favor. He wants to go out with Mary tomorrow

and I said I'd ask her.

So what's wrong with that?

Oh, you don't know this guy.

He's a real make -out artist. During the war, German women used to give him

nylons.

Oh, hey, uh, Mary.

Uh, are you, uh, busy tomorrow night?

No. You sure?

Yeah. But check you got it. Make sure.

Mr. Graham, what's this all about?

It's Ben. He finally figured out how he wants me to pay him back. He wants me to

ask you to...

Go out with him tomorrow night.

After 30 years, that's all he wants? Yeah, I knew you wouldn't be interested.

No, no, no, Mr. Grant. I wouldn't mind going out with Ben. Not at all. I think

it's kind of flattering that that's the way he'd like to be repaid.

You're sure?

Yeah. You really wouldn't enjoy yourself, Mary.

Look, Ben isn't going to be in town all that long. I'd be delighted to show him

a good time.

Hi, Mary.

Oh, hi, Georgette.

I've come to discuss Ted's raise with Lou.

Frankly,

I'm a little scared. I've never done anything like this before.

Oh, Georgette, don't be nervous.

I'm sure you'll do just fine.

Come in.

All right, sit down, Georgette.

Why don't we see if we can get this over as quickly as possible?

Now, exactly what kind of a raise for Ted did you have in mind?

Well, seeing as how we have two children now and the apartment is kind of small,

we were thinking of maybe buying a house. Georgette, I think I should tell

The station really can't afford much money.

Oh.

Okay, goodbye.

Where are you going?

Well, if you don't have any money, we really don't have to have a house.

Georgette.

That's just part of negotiating.

You always tell the other person you can't afford to give them a raise, even

you can.

But that's lying.

No.

It's not lying. It's taking a firm stance.

Oh. Yeah.

Well, then what am I supposed to say?

You're supposed to say that Ted has a lot of other offers.

But Ted doesn't have any other offers.

So I guess we can't ask for a raise, which means we can't get the house.

Unless I go back to work.

Mm -hmm.

But then I'll have to pay someone to watch the children while I'm working.

But if I do that, then we'll just break even, and Ted will have to ask for a

raise again, which he won't get because he doesn't have any other offers. Poor

Ted.

Look, Georgette, I'll give Ted another 2 ,000 bucks a year. How's that?

But you can't afford it. I don't want the station to go into debt.

The station won't go into debt. They got more money than they know what to do.

Okay, but only if you think it's fair.

Georgette, it's not a question of what I think is fair. It's a question of what

we'll be able to agree upon. Do you understand now?

Sure.

What do you think we should agree upon?

Look, I'm willing to give Ted another 4 ,000 bucks a year, and that's my final

offer. Are you sure you don't want to go back to two?

I might go to five.

Okay, we'll take the four.

Huh? Good.

That's good. Now, you go out there and you buy yourself that little house.

Okay? Phew. Good.

Tim sure was right. Huh? You sure drive a hard bargain.

Hey,

Mary, I had a... Great idea.

If you want me to get you out of that date with Ben, then I know how to do it.

Mr. Grant, I don't mind going out with Ben. Really.

Really, it's no trouble at all, Mary. All I do is tell him a little white lie.

I'll say you fell down the elevator shaft.

Mr. Grant, are you afraid that Ben might make a pass at little me?

Something like that.

Oh, you were just born to be cute.

If anything happens to her on that date tonight, I'll kill myself.

Oh, come on, Lou. I'm sure that Mary has gone out with a lot of guys like Ben

before. No, not like this guy. When it comes to women, he's an animal.

I thought this guy was your friend, Lou. Oh, not exactly. Not exactly.

He's the kind of guy whose company you don't enjoy, but you tolerate him.

Did you ever know anybody like that?

Great show, guys.

He must be listening at the door.

What's up?

Uh... nothing you'd be interested in, Ted.

Oh, discussing the news?

No, no, Ted. It's man talk.

Man talk?

And I wouldn't be interested.

What am I, a puppy?

Mary, what is it?

Well, Lou's old army buddy is taking Mary out tonight, and Lou's afraid of

might happen.

Hey, relax, Lou.

What's the worst thing Mary could do to this guy?

Nothing.

I really had a great time.

Oh, Ben, so did I. Would you like some brandy? Love it. Come on in.

Jesus, you're going home so soon. Tomorrow, huh? Yeah, I'm beginning to

here. You know, Mary, this is really a nice -looking apartment.

Oh, thank you. I haven't lived here very long. The other place was nice, but it

was kind of small.

That's why I moved here. This one has a bedroom.

Smart move.

Who could that be at this hour? Who is it?

It's me, Lou.

Wonderful.

I hope I'm not interrupting anything. I just happen to be downstairs.

Hi, Betty.

You just happen to be downstairs? Yeah, sitting in my car.

And so you thought you'd just drop in? Yeah, where are we drinking?

Mr. Grant, I don't want to be rude, but... Oh, come on, Mary. Just a short

and then I'm leaving. I promise.

Hey. So, what did you two kids have for dinner tonight?

I stopped at the drugstore. I had a veal cutlet, but I had to send it back.

Do you know why?

No. Because I ordered rice pudding.

Hey, Ben, do you remember that cook we had... Oh, Mr.

Grant, you made me spill...

Oh, it was an accident. I'll buy you another bottle.

I better get out of this. Excuse me.

Don't put on anything special for me, Mary. Make yourself comfortable.

A robe will be fine.

Mary?

Mary?

Put on what you wore the other day. The tweed suit.

With the knickers.

Lou, what are you doing here?

I came by to see my old buddy. Well, take off. You're ruining everything.

Oh, come on, Ben. Nothing's going to happen and you know it. Are you nuts?

Mary's the kind I always look for. Never been married. No steady boyfriend.

I'm telling you, she's a pushover. What makes you think nothing's going to

happen? Just this.

Did I spill any brandy?

Mr. Grant?

I suppose you're going to say this is my fault.

What happened?

I punched him.

Why? I have my reasons.

Mr. Grant.

Please leave my home.

Oh, come on, Mary.

I mean it, Mr. Grant. I'm not going to tolerate violence in my own living room.

Actually, hitting someone, please get out.

Why'd you hit me, Lou?

You had it coming.

Mary, he had plans for you, big plans.

That's no reason to hit somebody.

Mr. Grant, I am a big girl. I can take care of myself.

Now, I don't...

were for this evening, but believe me, if he was going to try anything, he

wasn't going to get away with it. Nothing would have happened.

Nothing. Now, hold on a second, Mary.

Let's not be so definite about what would have happened.

You may think nothing would have happened, but you don't know that for

Well, excuse me, Ben, but it does take two people to make something happen, and

since I am one of the people involved, I think I can say with complete certainty

that I know nothing would have happened.

You may have been out with a lot of guys, Mary, but you haven't been out

Ben Selwyn. You see, what Ben Selwyn wants, Ben Selwyn gets.

Not from me, he doesn't. Listen, Mary, I know your type.

Cool, prim, proper on the outside, but inside a furnace.

Ten minutes, I would have you begging for me.

Begging for you?

I think they're five minutes.

Easy, easy.

Ben, you better get out of here. I don't know how much longer I can hold.

Thanks for a delightful evening, ma 'am.

No, I'll see you in ten years. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why didn't you let me hit him? I was afraid you might kill him.

One, that's all I wanted to... Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Take

it easy, relax, relax.

He's gone.

That's better. That's better. Come on, sit down.

You

okay?

Yeah.

You were really going to punch him, weren't you?

You bet I was.

Of all the arrogant eagerness.

Ben Selwyn once, Ben Selwyn. Yes, I should have knocked his block off.

And as for you, bursting in here like I couldn't even take care of myself, who

do you think you are?

I think maybe I better be... Sit down!

You and I have to get something straight here. No, Mary, Mary, you don't have to

say anything.

I know I owe you an apology for tonight.

I guess I look on you as kind of a daughter, as someone who

needs protection. I know it's not that way.

But in my eyes, you'll always be that same wide -eyed, naive girl who

came into my office seven years ago looking for a job.

I can't help it. That's just the way I see you.

Sweet, innocent, vulnerable.

I just hope you'll understand.

Oh, I think I do.

I really, uh, I really better be going.

Good night, Mr. Grant.

Good night, Rocky.

You got Ted a $4 ,000 raise?

That's incredible.

Say, listen, Georgette, I was planning on going in and asking Lou for a raise.

Do you think maybe you could be my agent and ask him for me?

Oh, Murray, I wouldn't know what to say.

Well, he could just say the same things you said for Ted. You know, if it works

for him, I'm sure it would work for me.

Well, okay.

Thanks. Murray. Yeah.

Here. Oh, look, can I speak to you for a second?

Sure, Georgette. What is it? Well, seeing as how Murray and I have two

now and the apartment is... You were thinking of maybe buying a house? Of

course, if you don't have any money, maybe you don't need a house.