Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with a smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem

worthwhile? Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it, love is all

need to waste it. You can have the town, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

Oh, you've got a special delivery letter, Mary.

Hey, it's from my Aunt Flo.

28 cents postage due. Isn't that just like her? Who do I owe? Ted laid it out.

Hi, Mary. By the way, you owe me 28 cents.

Yes.

You don't have any change. Don't worry about it.

So, what does she got to say, Mary?

Well, it's hard to tell. Aunt Flo's a great reporter, but she has terrible

handwriting. I always have trouble reading it.

Who is Minnie Papadopoulos?

Uh, that's Minneapolis.

Ah! She's coming to town again.

Ah.

Who are the fat -bellied vice kings?

Football Vikings. Vikings!

She's coming to do an article on the Vikings, and she's due to arrive today.

kidding. Isn't that just like her? Every time she arrives, I don't know about it

until she's practically here. Hey, I wonder if Lou knows about this.

Oh, Murr, that's right.

Gee, the last time she was here, they had kind of a thing, didn't they?

I bet she's coming to see him.

Could be.

Hey, this is interesting.

I can't quite make it out, but she was either on a plane or a train with either

Alfred Lund or Alan Funt.

And they were either stacked up or shacked up.

Hey, guys, guess what? I'm going to be rich.

You want to know how?

Well, let's see.

Oh, you're being paid by Harvard to leave your brain to Yale.

I made an investment on the advice of my accountant.

I bought a business, my very own business.

Well, what kind of a business, Tad? It's a men's hat store.

It's great for tax purposes. Besides, it's a gold mine, and I have very little

overhead. Very little underhead, too.

You know what, Murray? You'd look good in a derby.

And you wouldn't have to buy the whole hat just to brim paint the top of your

head black.

Yeah.

Mr. Grant, I don't mean to bother you.

Well... And I can see you're busy, so I'll get right to the point. Swell.

Mr. Grant, I just got a letter from my Aunt Flo.

And look.

That's very interesting, Mary, but I don't know any mini -Papadopoulos.

That's Minneapolis, Mr. Grant. She's coming to town.

Oh, swell.

Well, I was going to ask you to have dinner at my house tonight since Aunt

is coming, but since you don't seem to care... I didn't say that.

Well, you don't seem very excited.

Forgive me, Mary.

You see, it's just that I found that when I leap in the air and click my

all the change falls out of my pocket.

I simply thought you had some interest in my aunt, but since I can see you

don't, which is presumptuous of me, I apologize.

What time does her flight get in? I don't know, but I can certainly find

No, no bother.

What hotel is she staying at? Well, I'm not sure, but I'll let you know.

Never mind.

Mary? Yes?

She's staying at the Ambassador.

Flight gets in at 6 .24.

We're having drinks at 7. We'll be at your place by 8. Okay.

Well, I'll play your silly game.

Where's Mr. Grant?

Well, wasn't he supposed to pick you up at the airport?

Oh, my gosh, you're right. I forgot.

I came on a different plane.

The beat was passing through, and he offered me a seat on Air Force Two, so I

naturally took it.

Air Force Two.

Well, you can't always go first class.

Well, anyway...

Lou will know that I came straight here and he'll come right over. Oh, anyway,

he's cute as a button when he's mad.

Hey, who do you have to know to get a drink around this joint? Right, coming

So what's new in your life?

Oh, don't ask.

My life does not change from day to day. It is the same dreary round of wars and

riots and kings and presidents and movie stars.

What's the biggest thing in your life these days?

Me? Oh.

Well, I did get something kind of interesting in the mail the other day.

Seems I may have won a prize from Reader's Digest.

Oh, that's him.

Hello?

Where the hell were you?

See? Hit us a button. I waited an hour for you at the airport. You know how

an hour at the airport is? Oh, don't talk to me about dull. How would you

to be stacked up over Chicago with Alan Funt?

Say you're sorry?

I'm sorry. It's too late for sorry. Mr. Grant, how would you like a drink, huh?

I had a drink.

Five drinks in my hour at the airport.

Oh, well, then, no more for you, Poopsie. You get ugly when you drink.

I sure woke you both like chicken paprikash. Would it have killed you to

message? I said I'm sorry, Lou. I forgot. Now, I admit it was my fault. I

things on my mind.

Things on your mind. My, my, my.

Well, I... remembered, Miss Hotshot Reporter.

And I had things on my mind, too. Big things.

Well, maybe they just sing big compared to your mind. All right, then.

Everybody over here. Sit down. Go on. Sit. Sit, sit. You two over here.

I'm going to stay right between you and make you behave. Oh, you are, huh? Yes.

Ridiculous for you two to be fighting.

Think of all the good times you've had together.

That's no excuse for what she did to me. Oh, she's right.

Now, how can we sit here and squabble in front of Mary?

Let's talk about the good time.

Remember that little bar on Ninth Street?

Yeah, yeah.

You and I had some time that night, didn't we?

As I recall, it was one of the nicest nights of my life.

You remember the weekend in St. Paul?

I get goosebumps just thinking about it.

You're a dynamite, Flo.

You are no slouch yourself.

You're some kind of woman. You're all mad.

Listen, I think I better just... Check the oven.

She left us all alone.

That's what I was hoping for. Me too.

Because there was something I wanted to ask you. What?

Why the hell can't you get on the right plane, hotshot?

Blow it out your ear loud enough.

What's the matter, Ted?

Murray, Mary, I'm going to level with you. A business at the hat store

be worse.

I can't understand it. I thought it would be such a great idea, selling

I figured, how could I lose?

Everybody's got at least one head.

Well, look, you've only been up there for a week, Ted. Maybe things will pick

up. I hope so.

Today, only one customer came to the store.

Homesick Mexican wanted to rent a hat to dance on.

Didn't even have his size.

But I'm not giving up hope. Murray, I want you to wear one of my hats for

promotion. People will ask you whether you got it, and you can send them to me,

okay? Oh, Ted, look, I practically never wear hats.

Murray, believe me, every man should wear a hat.

Mayor?

How's that one?

If you don't like that one, I've got plenty more.

What's going on?

Well, I brought you all hats from the store, though. Here, I want you to have

this one.

Hey, what a great -looking group. What do you say, Mary? Don't we look

fantastic? Like movie stars.

Larry,

Moe, and Curly.

chicken under his hat, and I'm supposed to guess which one.

Ah, come on, Ted. Let's go see the rest of your hats.

Oh, thanks, Murray. You know, I'm really worried about the store.

Georgette and I went into the investment 50 -50, and we've already lost all of

her money.

I just thought I'd drop by and see if you were free for dinner. After all, I

you for last night.

Sure, I'd like that.

So, how's life in the locker room?

Oh, it's a drag.

Can you imagine having to spend all your time making small talk with a group of

half -naked 25 -year -old athletes?

Yeah.

It's all really boring.

Boy, I really envy you that assignment, Flo.

Mr. Grant follows every move the Vikings make.

Well, he's got some pretty good moves himself.

I imagine you're focusing on that great Viking defensive line. No, actually, I

think the story is in their offense.

Well, there may be a story in their offense, but the story is their

line. Well, it depends on who's writing the story.

Well, if the person who's writing the story knows the first thing about the

game... Ample, would you like a cup of coffee? Well, if the person not covering

the game knew a little bit more about the game, maybe he would be writing the

story. I was covering the Vikings before you ever heard of them. If you're

covering them, it's a wonder anyone ever heard of them. Mr. Ben, would you like

a cup of coffee? I would like to stay and swap childish swagger with you, Lou,

but I'm going to cover a football team.

Look who's covering a football game.

Somebody who doesn't know the difference between a rotating zone and a nickel

defense. You don't know your elbow from your end zone.

You want to know something, Mary?

I think I'm in love with that woman.

I say, Mary, did you get a chance to ask Lou about changing the dates for my

vacation? Oh, no, I haven't. I will as soon as I finish the rundown.

I don't think it'll be any problem. He's been approving everything lately.

Hi, guys.

Boy, Lou's been in a great mood all week, hasn't he?

He has, huh?

Maybe this would be a good time for me to ask him for a favor.

Ted, I wouldn't ask him for anything with that hat on. This is a tam -o

-shanter, Murray.

There are places where men wear these in the Army.

Right. But there are more places men wear them to stay out of the Army.

favor you want to ask him? I'm desperate, Mary.

I thought I'd plug my store on the news.

Oh, not an out -and -out plug. I know that. I'd be subtle.

And every night on the news, I just wore a different hat.

Ted, may I tell you something? That is one of the worst, the absolute worst,

most incredibly stupid and unethical ideas I have ever heard in my life.

What are some of the others?

Mr. Grant, I don't want to bother you, but... Don't bother, Mary.

You're always welcome in this office.

Well, thank you. Can I offer you coffee or a bun?

No, no, really, I just wanted to... What about tea? It's no trouble. I can just

pop out and see if Murray's through with the bag.

No, thank you, really.

Boy, you're really feeling great these days, aren't you? Yeah, I'm so happy I

could kiss a goat.

I wish you felt that good.

Well, I feel pretty good.

But could you kiss a goat?

No. See?

That's because you're not involved in a hot romance.

Yeah, that's probably it.

Mary, your aunt is maybe the best woman I ever met in my life.

Oh, Mr. Grant.

You know, this is the first time in my life I have ever been successful as a

matchmaker. I just had a hunch you two would feel this way about each other.

Feel this way? Look, if I had a little more courage, I'd ask that woman to

me. Are you serious?

Marriage? That's right, Mary.

The big M.

Just be the most wonderful thing.

Well, why don't you steal some courage and ask her?

Oh, no.

No, no, I couldn't. Mary, that woman has known some of the great men of the

world. She'd be willing to settle down with a... big old lug like

me.

You know, I have a feeling you're talking this way just so I'll disagree

you. Sure I am. I don't even know what a lug is.

Okay, then I'll disagree with you.

Mr. Grant, my aunt is leaving town tomorrow night.

You could spend the rest of your life saying I should have asked her.

Do you want to ask her? Ask her, you big lug.

I wouldn't know how to propose.

She proposed once before. Yeah, but that was different. I don't think it would

work this time.

Why? What'd you say?

Don't worry.

I'll marry you.

It doesn't matter what you say. The important thing is you want to ask

her.

Do you want to know something incredible?

I just made up my mind to ask her.

Mr. Grant!

Do you realize what a difference this is going to make?

Do you know what I do most nights after work?

First, I stop and have a drink.

Then I go home, make myself some dinner, watch some television,

take a shower, and go to bed.

Once I'm married, I'll have a drink, go home, go to bed,

take a shower, have some dinner, and watch television.

I know my one regret, that you can't be my best man.

Wouldn't that be great, going out with you the night before my wedding and

one off?

Maybe they can bend a rule for us.

Yeah, this is beginning to sound like fun.

Who would have thought that?

Mr. Grant, you want to know the best part?

What?

If you marry my Aunt Flo, that'll make you my Uncle Lou.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You wait a minute. No, you just wait a minute. Let's get one thing straight.

Whatever happens, no Uncle Lou.

No, ever, never, no place. You understand?

Understood.

I'll call you my uncle, Mr. Grant.

I finished that story on the Vikings, you know.

Yeah, well, listen, before you start talking about leaving, there's something

very important that I want to ask you.

I know.

You want to know if that rumor about Minnesota trading Tarkington is true or

not. No, that's not it.

They're thinking of trading Tarkington?

But that isn't it. What was on your mind? That can wait. What about

It's just a rumor.

Nobody's trading anybody.

Oh, thank God.

Now, what was it you wanted to say?

Hmm?

Oh, yeah.

Flo?

I want to marry you.

Is that a proposal?

Yeah. Oh, some proposal.

You tell me. You don't even ask.

Oh.

Okay.

Flo, will you marry me?

No.

Thank you for asking.

Oh, Lou.

I travel all the time.

I chose a career long ago. Do you know that last year I was only in my

26 nights the whole year? I can't get married to anyone.

You've got some nerve.

I've got some nerve not marrying you? I had a fantastic wedding plan.

I wish I could say yes.

I even bought tickets for a honeymoon.

Canada by rail.

They got special cars in the back.

Glass all the way around.

Everywhere you look.

Canada.

I've got it.

Why don't we just take the honeymoon and skip the wedding?

What do you think I am? Someone you can use for a good time every time you drop

by Minneapolis?

I'm not cheap.

Lou, I love my work. I love my family.

You know, I guess I love you, too.

But I don't want to get married.

Now, listen, I'll see you the next time I come to Minneapolis.

I don't think so.

Well, would you mind if I at least called?

The phone company doesn't ask my permission. You dial, they ring.

Oh, I'll dial.

You going to be all right?

I'll be fine. Don't worry. So long.

I'll call you, Twits.

Bartender. Yes, sir? A drink for everyone in the house.

Great. Give them all to me.

Oh,

hi, Mary.

You looking for me?

Well, yeah. You don't usually take a seven -hour lunch.

I was hungry.

Did you, uh, ask Aunt Flo the question you were thinking of asking her?

I asked her.

And?

I still have the ring.

Oh, no.

I'm not going to be your Uncle Lou, Mary.

Oh, Mr. Grant, I was so hoping that this would work out. How could she say no? I

don't understand.

Look at that beautiful ring.

Yeah. It has a lot of sentimental value.

I made it out of a bullet.

It's very nice.

Yeah. It's a .22 caliber ring.

It's my fault, Mr. Grant. I told you to ask her.

That's right.

You're the one who talked me into it. I'm sorry, Mr. Grant.

No.

I'm sorry, Mary. I have no right to be angry with you.

I'm just... I'm just yelling because I don't know what else to do.

I'm hurt.

Come on, Mary, don't cry.

Don't cry.

I can't help it, Mr. Grant. It's just all so lousy.

Come on, Mary.

Your mascara's starting to run.

You're going to scare all the drunks in the bar.

We're really starting to worry about you.

Mary, what's wrong?

Oh, you know, old waterworks here.

She'll cry at anything.

Believe me, Mary, it's no big deal.

Just that Flo and I have been seeing a lot of each other, and we've been

it off pretty well.

So I asked her to marry me, and she turned me down.

So old leaky eyes here.

She got pretty upset because she knows I made a lot of plans and I had

my hopes pretty high.

I really love that woman.

Hey, come on, you guys.

Look, don't do this to me.

And you know what a sentimental person I am.

You know, when I see two of my dearest friends crying, that I'm going to go to

pieces too.

And we'll all stand here acting like fools. Now, come on.

Come on, Lou, Mary, get a hold of yourself. Get a hold of yourself.

Yeah,

enough of this.

Yeah.

it's funny, but the minute she left town, Lou went back to being his old

I think so.

Oh, come on, Mary. Don't tell me you didn't notice any difference.

No, you're right. Of course I didn't. A couple of weeks there, it was really

very sweet.

Always agreeing with everybody. I must say, I preferred it.

Lou this way.